 Don't snatch, you don't snatch from people, it is rude. Proceed. Matt, are we live? It's a 36 countries. Holy shit, man, really? All right, we gotta do, we gotta get this out of the way. Bend and see it, bend and see it, bend and see it. It's still like calm, calm, calm, calm, calm. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Very good. We're all a bit sick. I started it, I was patient zero. Now, hundred, I'd say probably a hundred people have gone sick. Shut up! Oh, fuck we don't have the trumpet. I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. There. Oh, that doesn't work Matt. It's a soft trumpet to you talk of. We're buying a new, we're buying one on Marketplace. I went to the shop. Oh, man, what happened last week? What did we do on the weekend? We had a dinner. We're back to, we finished, which sport is the scariest? That's nice. Now we can go back to filming normal shit. We got fucking filming a brand deal for Ned's again at the moment. What happened last week? We had a birthday dinner for me. Yeah, we had a birthday dinner for Michael on Friday, but before that? Oh, you heard, Michael heard his back real bad at the gym and talker. So we couldn't film last Thursday and Friday on that pretty fucking chill weekend. Am I right? Yeah. I was hoised onto almost of it. What did you do to your back? I think I went too hard in the gym with weights and then played cardio that later that day and it was all tight. He's getting old. See, we must stretch our corpses now. It's so annoying. You know, it's not weird to think that we're all going to be fucking stiff corpses one day. Like you will be a stiff corpse. We won't move. Our bodies would just be a stiff decomposing corpse. You're not going to get cremated? I don't think so, man. Because whatever the off chance you fucking, you see a sperm, your spirit flying off and they're still like a bit connected to your corpse and then you fucking burn and all of a sudden your fucking spirit's on fire. Yeah, you don't want your spirit to be on fire. You don't want your spirit to rot slowly. So long fire is a wasted soul, Matthew. And that's actually in the Bible. And that's why they bring it up. That's why they burn people, man. Wasted soul. What do you think the Salem burnings were about? You fucking idiot. Yup. Well, you're fucking halfway there. So that's about our weekends. Yup. And what else is fucking going on? We launched our fucking, our weed website, all right? We don't sell weed on there yet, but we will. It's www.cutten.com.au. We sell like this vape and shit on there. And it's pretty expensive though. It's like 375 bucks, but it's fucking worth it. They're fucking good shit. The battery lasts for like days and days. Perfect for golfing. You just take it around with you and just smoke it and you're fucking, we've got some other bits and pieces on there but we will be adding more products to the site as we go. So that happened yesterday. We launched that. What is the website address again? Cutten.com. C-U-T-N.com.au. Yeah, there is a .com. It's .au. And fuck me. Battling a cold, aren't we? And this podcast is sponsored by Manscaped. If you want to buy some male grooming products, you can have 20% off if you use our discount code fully actual. All you got to do is Manscaped.com. Go there, fully actual. You get 20% off some shit. They've got really nice smelling things. They've got ball tremors that has come to our attention that these do can still. Some of you guys have messaged and said, I just cut my balls with one. So they're good, but don't be fucking reckless with it. Gotta be safe. Yeah, you gotta take your time. If you're in a rush, maybe just do it when you get home and you've got a few minutes. Isn't that right, Matthew? Yeah, but not too slow. Don't hold them down on your skin. That's also quite... Matt's tried it all. And your testicles were bloody. Last week's podcast, by the way, we were making some really inappropriate jokes and shit and we got scared and we had to cut a lot of it. So I don't think many people noticed, but it was a bit like some of it was a little bit weird or didn't flow like it usually does because we literally had to cut huge chunks of stuff out. It was risque. It was quite risque. But last week's podcast is already the most commented podcast that we've had yet and it's only been out for fucking 24 hours. So keep the fucking comments coming, guys. That is good showing support. The podcast is starting to swell like a fucking big ball bag and it's only a matter of time like it's rock hard. It's only a matter of time before the ejaculate shoots out into the stars and this podcast becomes a nice big juicy fucking load. Shit! On what? On a back? On a back of someone? Like a nice smooth tan back. Yeah, I can see that. And we're getting close, you know? I can feel it swelling. Let's see if we can get... It's nice seeing when the podcast get like 500 likes. So if you can't support us in any other way, all you need to do is just comment the best and give the video a thumbs up, that's it. And then we can fucking grow and then we're happy. We're happy doing this for free. And another weird thing that happened last week, the fucking podcast had 20 ads in it. We posted it demonetized like they all are instantly because of the things that you say. Hey, we cut them. And it had 20 ads in it and people are like, oh, what the fuck? I thought you guys didn't get an ad in it. We don't get paid for that. I was actually feeling really strange that we told it YouTube hates us. And that's the one that decided to... And then YouTube fucking sneaks ads in and we don't even get fucking paid for the fucking dogs. Look, I'll show you guys. All our videos are demonetized. I'll fucking show you guys. See? Look at all that yellow. Yellow, yellow. There are some greens, some of the prank calls. The short ones, they're monetized. But that's it when we upload them separately. But if you want to support us hardcore and support the podcast, what is sponsored... What sponsors the podcast is the University of Mark. Our subscription website where we post a weekly massive vlog of the behind the scenes of our day-to-day lives and extra footage from whatever social media video we've got coming out. And holy fuck! Do we have some big shit? Literally. Yeah. Yeah. Today we spent the morning, a good hour, eating a massive bowl of corn. And we are going to make poo corn. We are going to try and make hunger obsolete. All right, that is our goal. All right, we're smart enough. We have the resources. We had this idea live on the podcast. You guys heard us coming up with it. And so what we've done is we've just had fucking a kilo of corn each. And Michael didn't even chew on it. He was just swallowing the tablets. And tomorrow when we need to do poo poo, we're going to slam it into a bucket. We're going to wash the shit off and see if we can re-eat the corn. Therefore, not ever needing to buy new food. Until the corn goes off. Obviously, you might have to have like maybe once corn goes off, which is like every what, couple months, you might have to get a fresh corn cob. But I'm sure the world can give up two fucking corn cobs. If we can make it so that you only need to eat a fresh meal once a month, that should eliminate it. That's pretty world hunger, I think. I ran some numbers, right? And the numbers that I ran, it was a mess. It made no sense. But I'm pretty sure that if we do that, hunger will be gone, wiped out. All of those people in Africa, they'll be so full. Yeah, everyone just needs one corn a month. Well, we'll see. We haven't got the results yet. One cob of corn. That's our hypothesis. And we're pretty fucking sure about it. Now, obviously, we won't be able to post that video to social media because it's us shitting in buckets and cleaning shit and eating it. So that, unfortunately, we'll be on the website, but we'll show as much as we can, okay? Because I want the world to see, especially if it works. Next segment. We put it to you last week. We put it out there. Do you want on these days to come back? Or should we just focus on the diary entry and the people have spoken? And on this day, the final on this day I have on my phone, the very last one. And then it's just diary entries. And you guys are going to be so happy with me. I even managed to find my old diary. And even though Michael ripped his up, there's still some small bits of diary that are usable as well. So it's going to be a diary entry from all three of us. I stole Julien's. I stole Julien's diary. All right. We'll fucking hell. Hopefully he'll start. There'll be a diary entry from Julien as well. I wonder if there's anything about his parents in there. 100%. He's a sick, twisted puppy, that boy. And you know what, Matt? You are fucked in the head. Anyway, let's get on to the final on this day. This is like, we should be emotional for this. You might cry. Okay. I'm going to get into my mood. All right. The final on this day, everyone. God, it's like, wow, I can't believe we've gotten here to this. Three and a half seasons of On This Days. On this day in 2021. So today, the final on this day is written. On this day has brought us a lot of laughter and sometimes tears. Now it has been an absolute pleasure researching them. The end of this on this day now pays way for a new segment. A segment which reveals who I, Matthew Gregory Brown, really am. I have been hiding my true self from the world, ashamed of my thoughts. But now as I reach a point of clarity in my life, I realize I must share these thoughts with the world. For expressing who I am at my core is the only way to overcome myself. So lend me your ears, but beware, I was a very broken man and hearing some of my dark days may shock your very essence. Goodbye on this day and welcome to the mind of Matthew Brown. I was so close to getting a fucking tear, look. Yeah, wow, very good. Is there one falling? His eyes are slightly watery. Very good, man. Thank you. All right, final on this day. All right, I've got here Michael's diary entry first. All right, diary entry in 2007. Diary entry number 199 from Michael Brookhouse. I had three hours of tennis coaching today and then I played some Xbox with Marty at night. We made jokes about inappropriate things and fell asleep at 4 a.m. That sounds like a typical fucking year 12 night. Yeah. Diary entry in 2009. Diary entry number 287 from Marty McDiver. That is my last name. Today was good. We went to the shops and I watched a movie with my friend. All right. And all right, Matthew Brown. A little bit longer. Okay. Diary entry number 1722. 2080 from Matthew Gregory Brown. My eyes were bulging out of my face. It was a balancing act staying hidden in the bushes and getting an unobstructed view of a girl eating a hot dog. She takes another bite and my eyes bulge further. They bulge so much that they start to shut out and hurt. I noticed blood running down my arm and I see that I've crushed my iPhone with my hand and the glass was deeply embedded. I smile at the wound and my asshole seizes up as the blood excites me. I look up just in time to see her take another bite. Lovely breasts, I blurt out. An elderly couple walking nearby hears me but is too scared to look over. The girl finishes the hot dog and goes to leave the park where we were having a date in. I tell myself I need to act now and stumble out of the bushes that were concealing me. The girl is startled and stares at me. My eyes were still bulging uncomfortably out of my skull and I had urinated my pants earlier to cool down. What's your address? I half yell as I walk quickly towards her. Her demeanor quickly changes and she puts her hand up and firmly says, Stop! I stop, confused as to why she's being confrontational. Oh, sorry, I just thought we were on a date and it was going really well. She looks confused and scared. Stay away from me. I come, I find her strength sexy. She turns and runs. People all over the park were now looking at me. I push my bulging eyes back into my head and quickly started walking home. I was certain she liked me. She smiled at me six months ago at the coffee shop. I thought we were a couple. My flesh light will have to satisfy my little brown yet again. As my little brown grows hungry and hungrier for real flesh. Oh, dude. Her strength turned me on. You need your mic, man. Oh, shit. Her strength seduced me or whatever that was. That fucking part got me good. You asked for her address. Of course it's going to scare her. Why were you trying to scare her? If you knew that she was uncomfortable. I didn't think I was being scary. Well, asking for an address is pretty. It's a really forward thing to do, especially if you just come out of the bushes. But I guess he thought that they were on a date or something. Sorry about that. Clearly not the case. I'm a bit worried about your psyche here. It's good. What year though? It might have been ages back. That was 2018. Yeah, it's like three years ago. Yeah, that's true. Well, they only go up to 2018. Is that when you sort of like... I started this podcast and that was therapy. That changed. Could be it. Yeah, wow. So we've saved Matt Brown. Matt Brown was on a very dark path there by the sounds of it. You were unaware that you were on such a dark path too. You were probably going to rape someone. It's not looking good. And who knows? He hasn't made eye contact with us. I'm assuming that maybe in someone in the Dire entries. Look, I don't know. I don't want to speculate. Oh, shit. I sort of spoke too soon, you think? Well, no, I'm saying that maybe he did. Yeah, I know. So I shouldn't have said that he hasn't raped someone. Yeah. Do you know what I mean, Matt? Yeah. He's going to stay quiet on the wall. All right, it's for the best. We'll find out. Thank you for offering such an insight though. It's very interesting. It's very, very disgusting. It's very, very fucking animal, but it's interesting. Mine was good. Yeah, mine was alright. You normally go more detailed. I must have been tired or something. So. Matt's always very detailed. Very detailed. I can't. I'll bring Julien's next week. Yeah, bring Julien's along. See what that one's like. He's got video tapes in his too. That's like, your diary could be a movie. Every episode could be like a scat porn episode. Do you know somebody sent me this House of Horrors scat porn video? It was a nightmare. It started off with like a family in like a horror house. Like something out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Except it's all like weird scat porn vomit shit. And didn't they like intrigue you or is this last week's story? No, it got me in there. Oh, but yeah. Oh, hang on. You're talking to something different. That got me watching, but somebody sent me another one where it was like a pretty girl dancing. I was like, it sucks you in. Yeah, cool. And then like just as it's about to obviously hit its peak, it flicks to a video of a guy about to cut his penis off. Oh, that's right. You mentioned that one. Yeah. It was tough to, I had to pause there. At Matt Brown 1111 if you want to send him nice videos too though. Yes. A bit of a mixed bag. It's just pretty funny you say that because I did say to someone, I said, wow, you send me some tough shit to watch. And they said, yeah, all right. And they sent me something nice. What was it? I think it was just two dogs having sex. Someone sent me a dude fucking a chicken. He's like just smashing it into his dick. Yeah, the chickens are basically just fleshlights with feathers. Was it making noise? I was like, it was quiet. Oh man, that's horrible. Yeah, that is terrible. Fucking animals is not on Matt Brown. I hope that that never happens in any of your fucking diary entries. But I am unsure. I don't really know who you are anymore. Time will tell. How is this person so normal? But this diary is such an insight directly into his soul. I think you're beautiful still. Thanks, man. We'll see. I'm on guard. I'm on guard now. So if I sound a bit funny, I'm still a bit sick. Yeah, we're all a little bit sick, aren't we? I did that. Got Mon sick. And then Mon got people at her work sick. And then bloody Matt's people got wholesome sick. It's just a big fucking dishwasher. Big dishwasher. How about you, Michael? Do you get anyone sick? I don't know. I coughed up so much, Flem. So much. You should make sculptures with it. Yeah, well, I kept it in a bottle and poured it out. I sent a photo to you. I remember. I remember. Do you want to see it, Matt? No. I'm going to show you. Okay. It's fucked. Like it was... When you're sick, your Flem goes green. It's really pretty. Yeah, or yellowish sometimes. Oh, yeah. Can you hold that right up to the camera, Matt? It looks like cottage cheese or something. Did you spread it? As I poured the bottle of water out, that's how it sort of flowed out. People watching on YouTube. Yeah, it's just a picture. You're about to see it. That's come out straight out of Michael's fucking throat. People were listening. It looks like cottage cheese. It's been spread on the ground with a knife. Yeah, it's fucked. It's been a rough few days. Yeah, we're quite ill and the energy is levels are low. But the fucking man that's been motivating seeing the podcast gone. Yeah. Better and better and better. Each episode, it's like we used to get 5,000 views in a week and now it's like 5,000 in a day. So you fucking, everyone's fucking pumping the support and it's fucking red hot. Keep the comments flounder. Keep the locks flounder and keep the ears open. Thank you. Let's answer some questions. Okay. Dude, I had a girlfriend. Tell me, dude, having sex when you are munted. Think about some of the faces. Dude, she said that she was it turned her off. So twisted. I'm just going left to right. It'd be funny. Oh, I feel like having sex with someone with a disability. Imagine you're like fully trying to thrust on top of them. You're like that. It's just so, so far. That would make you feel sick. Imagine even a chick doing that, riding you. I don't know. That could be sort of hot, but like, I don't know. It's just as a dude, it doesn't look hot when he's trying to pump you and you're just fucking chewing your jaw off with your eyes caving in on your own skull. I've got about a two minute video of you, like, chewing your face off. You can't fucking come. So now I can picture your coming face. You can't come on MDMA. You just be sitting like that the whole time. Yeah, just really trying hard to get to the point of coming. And that's just you go more intense, more you chew your jaw. God damn, yeah. I was like, shit, don't look at me. Don't look at me. As you fucking slamming away. Who are you? Get out of my house. You're trying to see who you are. Delving down the inappropriate holes. Touchy. Don't touch the surface. Don't touch the surface with my toe. The ripples. I like that. All right. First question is from Dr. Braynay from James Kirk Patrick. Marty, did you ever find who had the pictures from when they did the metal detecting? Did you ever find the people who took the pictures? No, that is well and truly gone. And like I say, every time someone brings it up, I prefer not to think about it. And I just want to forget that that ever happened and forget that someone out there has a picture of my little, my little brown. Oh, you made me faint almost. Oh, you made my nose itchy. Fuck that, man. How does that happen to my laugh company? You know how your laugh changes throughout your life? Yeah. I used to have a laugh. Now it's like a fucking cuckoo bar. He sounds like a cuckoo bar. Yeah. Well, birds have been following me ever since I've started laughing like that. I think it's some sort of mating call. Alright, next question is from GR Freeman. Good question, by the way. Thank you. Would you rather only age from the neck up or the neck down if you had the choice? Probably. What would make you live longer? Because you need your brain. Right? Yeah, but you need your organs and shit. Yeah, but the brain is the most important one. Imagine having our fucking brains and heads gone and fucking be 80 down here, brother. You're fucking insane, cunt. We'd come home with our flesh and that. Yeah, you could sort of like play with all your skin. No one would believe you. I'd probably, for looks-wise, want my face younger, but for health-wise, I'd want my body younger. But then, yeah, I guess you probably would live longer if you just let your head deteriorate. Like a 30-year-old body, but a grandpa's skull, and you have fucking Alzheimer's up to your heels, cunt. How is that a laugh? Turn into just a piss-take laugh that's just taken on a mind of its own. We fucking heard someone do that the other day. Yeah, it's exactly right. I don't make these laughs up. I hear them around. Next question is from Josh Kiel. What are your guys' opinions on Jake Paul, Logan Paul boxing or any other social media people boxing? I don't mind it. People think it's real bad for the boff boxing of MMA, but I don't think it is. It's getting eyes on the sport, and that means even if it is like a professional fighting a fucking someone who's only had a couple of fights, it's still entertainment. It doesn't matter what you do. It's entertaining. It's fine. Yeah. But the way they go about it is a bit- They can do it, but it does make a bit of money. Yeah, they're making a fuckload of money. But yeah, I don't know. The Paul brothers, they've got a way of promoting things that works. It's a bit much. I had a really good opinion from a proper wrestler, and he was saying, I never get angry at WWE for doing fake wrestling, and he's saying it's very entertaining. Yeah, that's what it is. He said, why would a boxer get angry at an amateur that can put on an entertaining fight? Sometimes I think it might just be squinted jealousy that nobody's making 10 times the amount of money that they are, even though they're a professional in the sport and have dedicated their lives to it. That's why it's a bit like fucking fucking, but you got the fucking followers, you can do what you want. My brother, am I right? Put it there, pal. Bring that shit in, man. I want to have that on me. I want to make a necklace out of this moment. I want to make a jewelry out of that hug, man. How do you make a hug necklace, come on? How do you make a necklace? Next, confused. No, I got angry that we went down that path. Hug necklace. Next question is from Tala Amad. What ever happened to vlogs? You guys do vlogs on your website? Yeah, vlogs on the website. They start back this week. Yeah, and we'll be doing, yeah, the shortened vlogs for YouTube, like we were at the start of the year, it's just we weren't doing that. With the series. With the series going on. We're also going to do some social metering videos again. All those little games and shit that everyone's like playing now. They're pretty fun and easy to film and they go well. Maybe some pranks, eh? Excite you, have some prank days. Till I, till I, till I, till I come. We'd like that, wouldn't we? Don't touch me again. Next question is from Addison Leap, 49. Marty, where were you born? In what hospital in Germany? Heifelbach. Oh, fuck up. What did he say? Heifelbach. Now I'm shy. Heifelbach. Heifelbach. Now I was born at Heifelbach. Heifelbach. No, I was born in, yeah, in East Germany. I don't want to say the name is because I will be ridiculed and made fun of. So, yeah, okay. My German has really got, I realized last week reading one of the, I've forgotten a lot of German. I was only three and now I'm 30. One, two, nearly. Shit man. Addison also had a follow up question. Bitch. Saying Marty, oh sorry, why are you German Marty? I think I really have a choice in it. And I'm not that German. I will consider myself true blue brother. So I can spend the bulk of me life here. You're a farmer. I can't. I fucking came here when I was three years old on the farms. New South Wales, right? That's fucking more rosy than most three year olds here. And I don't remember much from fucking Germany. I was fucking three years old. I only remember bits and pieces here and there. And fucking gone back to visit the old fucking family every now and then come when I was fucking kid. Did you fuck a cow or get the lust for a cow as a kid? No, I wouldn't. Did you have a cow on the property? No, no, I would have been. I think 14, 15, I knew something was wrong. Yeah, okay. Next question is from Calissa Adams. Is the vape smokeless? A little bit comes out sometimes. We put it on the hottest temperature setting. But yeah, you can't. So it burns more, it gets you fucked quicker. But you can't. Yeah, it's like it's much easier to smoke than bongs and pipes and shit. Isn't that right, mate? You're being very flirtatious this evening. Look at that, Matt. Does that get you a little brown going? Who are your role models or heroes? What's wrong? Well, just name one. I'd probably be yours, wouldn't I? Surely I'm yours. Your hero and your role model? Bruce Willis. Yeah, Bruce Willis is out there, why? Because he's like the best action film man in the world. And that's what matters in life. I like Russell Brand. I like Will Ferrell. Andy Sandberg. Very funny people. Yeah, Andy Sandberg's pretty cool. I thought Chad from that band would be yours. Chad Kruger from Nickelback. Yeah. You do dress yourself like him. How did we want to like this? And why weren't we able to see the signs that we missed? Alright, next question is from Ed Boycon. This is one of the higher liked ones. Michael, would you consider getting a mullet? You'd become a very sexy ranger ringworm. Love you boys. I've already got a fucking mullet. Dude, I would love you with a mullet. No, shave the sides, come on. I had a friend hack into it the other night and now I've got a mullet. You haven't changed your hairstyle for so long. You haven't changed your hairstyle. Why don't you try mullet? And we can change your name to Randall. Randall? Do you think Matt looks like a Randall? No. Comment what name... If you saw Michael and you didn't know his name was Michael, what name would you think that he has? And same for me, what name do you think that I have? And Matt. Matt looks like maybe a Bruce? Or a Rupert? Oh, you could see a Rupert. Or maybe like a... Gustav? Gustavuson? Oh, fucking... Reim? R-A-M-E. I found a name book in my parent's stuff. Gus. Damien circle. Damien? Yeah, it could be a Damien. Angus. It's Angus. Oh, yeah, Angus. Next question is from Goofy Fat Ass. Oh, don't! Um, just wanted to ask, instead of a flute, would you guys try a harmonica for your fighting? Oh, a harmonica? You don't need much air? Oh! I'll just slot it in between the cheeks and... That's a great idea. Yes, we're going to get a harmonica. And that's cheaper. We went to get a trumpet the other day. You can get cheaper. They were like $400. Yeah, they're expensive. Yeah, I couldn't believe it. Yeah, they are. Fuck off. Fuck that. It's like a bit of brass. You can find that in the walls of any house. Yeah, you just take it out. It's in the copper. It's like in the wiring and shit. We did that once. Yeah. Next question is from Lake McBulgan. Have you guys ever pranked your parents and what did you do to them if you did? I used to wait in... I think I've said this before. My mum would be vacuuming and waiting cupboards for so long until it opened up and then I'd scare her. She'd be so terrified. I used to hear my dad getting up for work. He'd be like, you know, 5.30, quarter six, he'd leave. I'd quickly wait and get like wait around like in the garage as he's leaving for work. I'd scare the shit out of him. He hated that. It wasn't like... Yeah, it was just like, Michael, go away. Like, so dismissive of me. Like, why are you here? It's fucking 5.45 a.m. and I'm on my way to work. Go to bed. Mum would be like, you get a reaction. And that would feed. Feed it more. You'd want to do it more. Yeah, I think, yeah, mum, same. Just to scare here or there. Then went really into the... I remember one to sing prank I did to my mum and she was a bit upset about it. Like, not in an angry way. She was just like, just a bit disappointed and it broke my heart. I never did it again. My high school had a pen and it looked like... Oh, a rubber or something. But it looked like a vial of drugs. Like a little thing of drugs. And I took it home and I just left it on my drawer. And mum came in and saw it and I fully acted like I'd been busted. And she was like so distraught. Thinking that I'd started taking drugs. Did she yell at you? Little did she know, fucking... 10 years later... I would be a drug. I am drug. Fucking... I can't believe that, you poor mum. Well, there was also another time when... I was wondering whether I should say this one. Yeah, there was a time when I was out in like year 11 or 12 out drinking with my mates. I just tell my mum, going out, I'll be home later. Oh, yeah. I'd go around with a couple of little gross derro mates and we'd fucking get fucked up and just fuck around. And I was pretending to bash one of my mates and like people would walk past and get like really freaked out. And then I was doing it. We did it a few people, got some really funny reactions. And then I fucking did it. And then there was a couple walking on the outside of the road and I stopped and I look up and it's fucking mum and my stepdad. And they both stop and they're like looking. You can see that they're trying to work out who it is. And then the girl was there and just fucking and then mum got home and called my mobile. She's like, were you just beating the fuck out of someone? And I was like, no. It wasn't me. What are you talking about? And then you could just hear your mum's voice and you could tell it was lying. She's like, oh, all right, we'll just please. She just thought I was on drugs or something again. Oh, so she knew you were lying. And then I came home and I was like, yeah, that was me and we're just fucking around. That was good. And he's like, all right, fess up. You're on drugs. What are they? Because I was just like, I fuck around and like, I don't know, at the dinner table I'd play with my food and I just, I do weird shit just to fuck with them for reaction. And they thought you're on drugs. And then I was like, not yet dad. We'll be later. I was like, where have you been? Where'd you just go and had gone down to 7-Eleven to get like a Slurpee and some lollies and I was like, I went and got a Maxibon. And he's like, what the fuck is that? Is that what you call it this day? The fucking Maxibon? Where is it? I was like, it's an ice cream dad. And then he's like, hey, they fully thought I was on drugs, but warranted with my behavior. Like I look back and I You were disgusting. Yeah, like even just when I didn't have friends around just to my mom and dad because I was bored, I'd fuck with them. Yeah, boredom fucking with people is something that I always did too. And people would, when I was younger especially people would get so annoyed at me like after a while about dude, can you just like because it would just be relentless, annoying like and it would just make myself laugh. Yeah, yeah, I get joined with that shit all day. Like constantly touching him or just like trying to scratch at him or I'll brush past him or I'll comment on something or constantly repeat a word. It's funny that you mentioned beating people like fake beating people up. We used to do a similar thing in Palm Beach on the Dangerous Streets of that place and me and Aaron Shanks another podcaster, he me and him like and another friend we used to like pretend to beat the shit out of one of us and like cars would pull over to like help like, you know, to stop it because it looked like it was a beating and it was the funniest prank and then as soon as they get out of the car we just all sprint off together laughing. We should all start making out. Yeah, no, we're not fighting. We're fucking but these things was the funniest thing like laugh that we just played like, you know, you like eating a shot, mate. That's fucking that's the boy who cried wolf and he also cried wolf. That's the end of that question. Next one. All right, last question. It's from or to la mud again. Have you guys tried any aphrodisiacs? I just, you know, you regular fucking oysters and shit. Isn't chocolate? Yeah, I guess chocolate. Like, is that what you mean? Food doesn't get me in the mood. Fucking drugs. But you wouldn't even notice, you know, it might make you slightly a little bit hornier. You wouldn't be like, oh, yeah, must be the oysters. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. What's a zinc have a diet full of zinc and you'll be fucking rock hard. There's no aphrodisiac. You like loneliness. Yeah, oysters, watermelon, strawberries, chocolate, figs, asparagus, artichokes and a bottle of wine. There's no aphrodisiac. Like loneliness. The road. And fuck me. All right, let's have a quick look at this. So I commented on the Marty. So we've still got the two options, right? Chappelle Corby or fucking Huzy. All right, so what would you lean towards if you felt it was your choice? What do you if you could have the dream fucking hunt? What would you want? I think Chappelle is just easy because we're just after one response and it's very easy. Yeah, and I want to know. So I've commented Chappelle or Dave Hughes, but I think maybe we just do both. Right now, while we're all sitting here, I'm going to message her. All right, and we're going to fucking we're going to get to the bottom of this quite frankly, because it's not right. Like her fucking sister is called Mercedes. Now, obviously that's the name of a car. You know that when you're naming your kid, that's the name of Mercedes. The car was invented before she was born. Therefore, her dad either knew about that or she's a fucking car and that's what we're just going to try and clear up here. We want to find out if her sister Mercedes is a human or a car. So what should I say? Hey, Chappelle I hope it's flowing well in the free land because she's free now. That's good. Hope it's flowing well. Hope it's flowing well for you. Where to where we're two very important people. We were just having a chat Yeah. Over some tea. Just having a chat over some high tea. I'd breakfast and we're wondering if that old sister of yours and we're wondering is that old sister of yours She goes by Mercedes. A car. Yeah, a car. Or not. Okay, so I've got this. Hey, Chappelle Hope it's flowing well for you. We were just having a chat at breakfast and we're wondering is that old sister of yours a car or not? That's all you need to say. Do we go into more car or human? Yeah, that goes into more detail. All right, sent. I wonder if Chappelle has one of these. One of these packs. Maybe we should get it a promoter. Anyway, so that's half of the hunt. All right, we'll just do that little side note. It'll be funny just seeing a reaction. Now with Huzy, what are we going to fucking do to him? What's something? What are you used to do? Maybe we could I'm furious. He used to have a furious segment. Yeah, fucking Huzy loses it. Yeah. Can he still lose it? Has Huzy lost it? Has Huzy calmed down? And what's something to prove that he's calmed down? Maybe if we send him a chamomile tea and he sends us a video of him drinking the tea and saying I've calmed down. Oh my God. Huzy, big, did you hear that, Matt? Yeah. We'll send him a tea bag and then we'll ask him, hey, mate, we've sent you a tea bag. We're a bit worried about you. There was a period there where you kept losing it. So we've sent you a tea in the mail if you wouldn't mind drinking the tea and sending us a video and just saying that you've calmed down. Yeah, and you've got your shit together. Elaborate if you want, it's your choice. Just saying you've calmed down So after this podcast, I'm going to message David Huzy and see if he will drink the tea and film it for us and send it to us, okay? Huzy used to lose it all the time. We want to see if he's changed and calmed down. Fuck, we are we're kicking goals here. This podcast is really flying through the stratosphere of Australian media. It's fucking impressive, dude. I'm proud to be sitting here in this shit hole. You used to piss. You don't piss for a while. Piss all over the ground. Yeah. A shit will come. I've just got to save this shit, guys. For tomorrow's course. Yeah, Michael's been trying to shit himself live on the podcast. It's much harder than you think if it's while you're sitting down and while you're panning. So, but obviously we can't waste the the corn poo. Yeah, we've got a really expensive highly sophisticated experiment and he's gots at the moment. So, we've got to leave that in there. So, we've got to spare him a canton. And that's that. So. Ach du lieber, ach du lieber, Deutsch, Deutsch, Deutsch. Ach du lieber, ach du lieber, Deutsch, Deutsch, Deutsch. What's Deutsch mean? German. Why do you say it's German? It's what everyone calls it. Because it's a different language. I'll never understand. Deutschland. Okay. Michael will just be if I talk him to Germany I just put him in the streets and he'd be like that. Yeah. He did take me to Germany. Oh my God. Very good, dude. Very good so far. Holy shit. All right, the first phrase in this segment I just read very common German phrases as if I'm having a conversation with a fellow German and then we translate them and you guys laugh and point and make fun of how strange my native tongue is. Das Leben ist kein Zuckerschlecken. Das Leben ist kein Zuckerschlecken. Schlecken. Zuckerschlecken. Schlecken. See how fast you have to be? That sounds like. Tongue is on the roof of my mouth and loads down. Schlecken. Das Leben ist kein Zuckerschlecken. Wow. Sounds like that's something that a disciplinist would say. Like someone who disciplines someone, that's how they talk. Well it is, the meaning is life is no sugar licking. Which means life is hard. So if you come across a wingy I don't have enough money to buy a $100,000 car Das Leben ist kein Zuckerschlecken. And that would understand. Life is hard. You've got to get ready for it man. You've got to work at it man. Das Leben ist kein Zuckerschlecken. Sounds straining a bit. Hey don't break them. You didn't let go. My fucking finger. I remember my parents using this one. I seriously don't remember this one when I was a child. Very common German phrase. Now we have the salad. And that means great. Like it's in sarcastically. It's not good. Everyone hates that. You come inside. There's a mess everywhere. You've asked someone to not go on their phone while they're driving. They rear-end someone. The airbag goes off. He's concussed. If someone's bought the salad you could say that too. In a literal way. Now we have the salad. Next one please. That's sort of cute in a way. And that basically means I know me here out. Which means I know my way around this. I'm familiar with my surroundings. I accept that one. I like that one. That sounds normal. Do you know where I am? That's not our language. We hate the French. Really offensive. Nothing like French. You've got a French hat on. That's an Australian lady's hat. Very offensive. Taking it off now. It's not a French hat. It's for sure. Definitely Australian. Everything's much louder now. That is the end of the German segment which brings us to our next segment which is the PM1 Boxing. This week we only have two letters that you guys have sent in. If you want to send us anything at all you send us a shit, a vomit, a piss, a cum, a book, you want to send us a letter. We'll open it live on the podcast. Here is the fucking PO Box. I pushed it. I pushed it down. What is it? 256? PO Box, 256, 4018, Taigum, Queensland, Australia. Also, we got a message of why we got this bullshit. The blindfolds, Michael's talking about. We got blindfolds a couple of weeks back with no context and we thought it was the shittest thing we'd ever been sent. I got a bit heated about it. It was simply a mistake they were meant to be sent to her. Bullshit. Wow, we got sent them accidentally. China. That's so good. I'm glad about that. That then, then. Looks like we got some pretty shit PO Boxes this week. We got a couple of fucking letters. Yeah, fuck. I'm worried about this. What do we got here? Fuck, someone's invited us somewhere. We got a wedding to go to. 8th of April. Damn, it's already happened, is it? 2022. Wow, we'll go to it. Save the date for the wedding of Charlotte and Dakota. Where's it at? Two girls? Wow, where is it? One cup. Charlotte and Dakota messages for more. We'll go and Michael will even perform for you guys. You normally dance with these? I have before as wedding gifts. Done an interpretive dance. Remember? Yeah. It's in WA. Well, maybe. Are they members? If they're members of the website, then possibly. We'll keep this together, so it's safe. Yeah, it's your members. The Instagram of charlotte.woodroff and Dacky Boy. Dacky Boy. So maybe it is a boy, I don't know. But that's cool. Well, thanks for the invite. We'll see if we're around. And if we are, Michael will come and play guitar for a solid half an hour on his own solo. Thank you for offering that. It's cute. I feel flattered. Well, that's why you offered that. That's the first on the podcast. Invited to a wedding. I haven't even been to one wedding. Weddings are so fun. I love getting fucked up at weddings and shooting up in the bathrooms and causing a big ruckus come. It's not a bad time. To Marty. So just me this one, guys. Sorry about that. You are the fucking best. I've seen videos of you and your best mate, Michael. Every time I see the videos, I laugh so much. And your beautiful, amazing dog, Bosley. He is the sweetest. And my favorite video is when you cut Michael's hair for him to be a peacock. God, you and Michael are goddamn fucking best guys. Ever you guys are bit like brothers. I wish you guys were crazy. And even having friends, I wish I could see you and Michael. So keep up the good work, Marty. I hope I'll hear from you soon from Hailey. Hailey, thank you very much. That is a lovely video. And yes, you're right. Michael is the one in my videos sometimes. You might see him making an appearance in my videos. Yeah, so spot on. Lovely neat handwriting. Yeah, I can't tell if she's even... She's allowed to swear. She wrote fucking. Well, she might not be ten years old. Might just be like... Just really different sort of handwriting. But thank you, Hailey. Good word for her. We appreciate you. Well, he does. And I'm just the friend. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. But that's the fucking... How the cookie crumbles these days, can't... Too, too, too, too, too. I guess it's prank call time. It sure fucking is, mate. It sure fucking is. Our final segment of the day. It's the prank call. God, I feel like we've been quite flat this episode. Well, it's been a big day and it's going to be a big week. But all in all, there's been some good moments. And I'm pretty excited for this prank call. And we're healthy. Hello? Hello, is this the tattoo shop? Yeah, it sort of is. We've got no phone at the moment, so it's been diverted to my phone, which I own the shop. Right, right. Are you able to take bookings and stuff or...? No. Can you go on our Facebook page and we can get your phone number off that? I don't have Facebook. Is there any way I could just maybe call a tattooist or something or book something in? It's pretty hard because I don't know what you're after it in. We're going to the shop tomorrow. We're open from 10 o'clock to at least 6. Right, yeah, right. And just go there and you can talk to somebody. Um... All right. All right, I'll do that. Yeah, we just... With that storm the other day, we've got no internet. So it's fucked. Your joke and that big storm took out the bloody wires, did it? The bloody telecommun... I don't know what's happened. They're just coming around tomorrow morning. Must be the bloody telecommunications that got shut down when the lightning hit the bloody servers there. So anyway, I'll go and have a look at the servers and I'll see if I can get it back up running. Yeah. I'll give you a buzz back in... We've got a technician coming in tomorrow morning so we don't know if it's going to be up and going for a sing or not. I can have a look myself. I'll just go and I'll go around. I don't know where they are. It's the servers for that area and I'll go and I'll have a look. So I'll let you know how I go. Technical savvy, are you? Oh, mate. Yeah, nothing to be the bloody YouTube, can't fix. I'm doing stuff like that all around the house all the time. So I'll go and I'll pop over and have a look. I'll give you a buzz back. If you come in, I'll get you a phone number because we've got so many other problems I can pay you to come and fix other problems. Oh, there you go, mate. We'll see how I go with this one. But yeah, I'll pop around and... It's just been one of the bulbs probably short circuit or something from the energy coursing through it. So I'll go and see if I can swap that over and I'll give you a buzz in about half. I'll see if I sort it today. No worries, mate. See you later. I guess we can call back in five and say that, yeah, it's got here. It's fucked. It's never coming back. Your system is shut down. It's shut down forever. Hello? Hey, mate, it's me again. I was just around the bloody corner. I just pulled up across the road from it and I could even see just walking over there's big problems with it. The receivers are all spread out on the ground and one of them is actually still like a live wire at the bottom there and it's just getting a bit out of control. I might have to call the fire department here and get them to come because one of the live wires is spang up against the wall pretty hard and yeah, it's getting close and it's just down where the transmitters are, mate. The transmitters just near the joint where all the members of the telecommunications fell down. No idea what you're talking about. You know how your phone's out at the tattoo shop? I just come down to the transmitter station and the wires are fucked, mate. They are strung across the bloody... the transmitters just down the road from the tattoo shop, mate. The bloody... where the phones are down the power lines are draped across the road. There's kids walking walking bloody dogs over there, mate. There's bloody children running around. I'm going to have to bloody get them to get the hammers involved here, mate. I'm going to have to do some hard work on this one. Yeah, well, you'll do what you'll have to do. I'm out and about so I can't help you. Yeah, mate. Well, it's just getting a bit like... it's getting a bit hairy here. There's a bit of fucking... It might come in from one of the back corners there and the receivers are actually all bundled up. I don't know if you can hear it, mate. It's fucking loud. Oh my god! My arm is on fire! My arm is on fire! Stop! Drop and roll! I heard him saying some of that. Oh, you're funny. Come at the end. Dude, I'm happy with that. You don't win him all and that was good. My arm is on fire! Imagine hearing that. He's like, I don't know. What are you talking about, mate? Some random call-up tells him he's going to fix his fucking phone problem and he's like, oh, we'll just do what you can, mate. Just do what you can. Just okay with the screen. I'm working on it. You're there within less than five minutes. Hey! That was very good. I liked it. I enjoyed how we created it right on the spot during the phone call. Yeah, that was very spontaneous. All right, guys. That brings us to the end of episode number 14. That's why we are the best. We are the best. We are the best. We are the best. We are the best. Best, best, best, best, best, best, better than the rest, rest, rest, rest, best. Bested. How did he best me? Fuck.