 Ladies and gentlemen, as you all know, this is the month of March. And as I mentioned before, we're broadcasting from March Field. So here we are at March Field in the month of March. Now isn't that clever? Get it, fellas? March Field, month of March. It took four writers to think of that. Now go ahead, Don. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, as you all know, March is the month that comes in like a lion. That's enough, Sergeant, Mr. Don. Yes, folks, it comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Thank you, Lieutenant. Bring you an elk, and here he is. Back then he talking, and Don, I don't happen to belong to the Elks. This tooth I'm wearing on my watch chain is a souvenir of the First World War. An MP gave it to me. An MP gave it to you? Yes, one night I talked back to him, and he just happened to bump his knuckle on my tooth as he pulled his fist out of my mouth. He handed me my tonsils too, but they didn't fit on my chain. Now wait a minute, Jack. An MP can arrest you, but he has no right to jam his fist in your mouth. Don't worry, Don. I got even with him. What'd you do? I swallowed his flashlight. For the next three months, every time I sat down, my eyes lit up. I was the only guy that could read in bed after nine o'clock. But let's not talk about me after... Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, bright eyes. Hiya, fellas. I've always enjoyed visiting a naval base. Mary, Marchfield isn't a naval base. It is during the rainy season, brother. You know, fellas, we had that joke five years, but during the war they wouldn't let us discuss weather conditions. For five long years, nobody knew it rained in California. Right, rain is back, and California's got it. You said it. Say, Jack, I meant to ask you, are you going to take me to the dance tonight at the officers club? Wait a minute, Mary. What about the date you've got with Colonel Coons? You know, you told me that at eight o'clock tonight, he was going to take his jet-propelled plane and fly all the way to New York and back. Isn't that right? Yeah, but what am I going to do the rest of the evening? Oh, yes, yes. Those planes really go fast. Fast? Yesterday, one of those jet planes was getting ready to fly east. The crew chief said ready. The pilot said okay. And between O and K, he landed in Chicago. You know, fellas, we wrote that joke five years ago, but they didn't have jet planes there. They got them now, though. About a month ago, one of those planes flew from Los Angeles to San Diego in 10 minutes and 17 seconds. Gosh, that's almost as fast as a riverside bus. Yes, it is. You know, Jack, I've been reading up on those new planes. They're going to have a lot of these jet-propelled P-80s in the AAF. AAF? Yes, the Army Air Forces. Oh. What are you laughing at, Barry? Jack's a P-50 VPP. P-50 VPP. Past 50, vitamin pill propelled. We wrote that five years ago. I was only 32. And it don't be so funny because... Hiya, fellas, that Jackson is great, but here comes Harris like a P-38. Well, if it isn't our own little grassy acres, though. The acres? Yes, there's lots of spot here in camp. They're just like you. It's green, pretty, and useless. But so green, I know what's going on. I'm hip. I ain't no paddle foot. Paddle foot? What's that? Well, that's an officer that commands an LSD. LSD? Large steel desk. Desk is a landing strip for their feet. Yeah, yeah. Say, Jackson, you're pretty sharp today. You would be too if you'd get here for rehearsal. What are you talking about? Mary and I stopped in Riverside and we saw you coming out of the Cheechy Bar. What did you say the name of that place was? Cheechy. Oh, bless you. I thought I was seeing double. Well, for you, that isn't hard, you know? Anyway, Phil, we'll forget about that now. Here we are at Mark's Field, so let's show the boys we're glad we came down. Well, you're right, Jackson. There's something about this place that really gets into you, especially when the wind blows. What? It gets in your shoes, gets in your hair, gets in your ears. I know, I know. Well, I wrote that joke five years ago, and it still fits. I know, yeah. Maybe so, Phil, but in spite of that, Mark's Field is a great place, and the boys are very happy here. That's because there are so many things to do. You're right, Jack. There are a lot of things for the boys to do, but there's only one trouble. What's that, Mary? If you like it, it's out of bounds. Have rules, Mary. After all, there's some important training going on here. Important training? Certainly, Phil. Haven't you seen the fellows here take these jet planes up and zoom and dive and roll and spin? That goes on for three months. What happens after that, Jackson? They get a license to drive a car in California. They aren't really hot today. You see, fella, if you'd come to rehearsal, you'd... Hmm, that's funny. Well, what's the matter, Jack? Look, that soldier sitting there in the front row. He hasn't laughed once through the entire show. Maybe he's a spy for Fred Allen. No, he hasn't got him in uniform yet. I'm going to find I was bothering that fella. Hey, soldier, hey, private, you there in the front row. Me? Yes, yes, you. Come up here on the stage a minute. Phil, give him a hand, will you? Okay. That's it. Now step right over here. Yes, sir. Look, soldier, I've been watching you all through the show and you haven't as much as smiled once. I'm curious to know why you're so sad. Well... Well, yes? Why shouldn't I be sad? Today... Today... Yes? Today they're going to give me my discharge. They're taking away my uniform and sending me home. No, no, I know how you feel, but try and cheer up. That's right, soldier, it isn't so bad going home. Lots of soldiers like it, they force themselves. Well, I bet you'll forget all about Mark's feeling a few days. What? Me forget about the wonderful times I've had here. All the fun I've had living in those beautiful barracks. Forget about the wonderful weather which kept me so nice and cool in the winter that I didn't throw out till the sun fried me in August. So you expect me to forget about the lovely dust storms I've enjoyed here? Soldier! No other dust in the country is as healthy as this dust. Now, Private, you expect me to forget about our cute little mess hall with eight or nine hundred friends blowing in my soup? Soldier, please. You expect me to forget all those guys who were so sweet to me? My buddies, the lieutenants, the captains, the maids? Soldier, take it easy, you got this thing all wrong. They don't just turn you out like that. They give you a button. You'll be proud of it. A beautiful bronze button. But you can't buy any clothes. Where am I going to wear it? Soldier, soldier, don't you worry about clothes. Things aren't as bad as you think they are. You see me after the show and we'll have a little talk. Oh, Jack, you're not going to sell them your suit. Mary, he can have his choice. I brought five of them with me. I'll talk to you after the program, soldier, and I'll sit down and cheer up. All right, Phil, let's have a band number and then we'll... I'll get it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny, this is Rochester. Rochester, where are you? You should have been here an hour ago. This is my fault, boss. I went off the road and got lost. Well, where are you now? A farmhouse. Well, ask the farmer how to get to Marchfield. The farmer isn't here. Well, who is there? The farmer's daughter. Tea, military police? No, a minister from Pomona. Well, offer them my congratulations and come on out here. Okay. Now, remember, when you get to Riverside, you go through town, then turn right, and Marchfield is just eight miles ahead. Now, leave the farmhouse right away and get out here. But, boss, I can't leave till after the wedding. Till after the wedding, why not? They're giving me a... Oh, well, give them two fast courses and get out here. I'm waiting for you. Okay. What's the matter, Jack? Something awful. That was personality played by Phil Harris and has made you want to be transferred to Murock Orchestra. What a band. And now, folks... There he goes again. There he goes picking on the band. Libby tells Jackson to lay off. Phil's right, Jack. His boys may not be great musicians, but at least they're gentlemen. Mary, just because they tip their hats when they pass a pool room doesn't mean they're gentlemen. Now, let's forget it. Well, I'm not forgetting it, Jackson. My boys don't like that stuff. They're sensitive. The things you said about them at rehearsal made them cry. Made them cry. Yeah, they may look like that they're tough and they ain't got no feelings, but they'll cry at the drop of a bottle. Only if it breaks, believe me. And the least you can do is tell Frankie, your guitar player, to do something about his appearance. That Hera is. The way it stands up, he looks like he was pardoned after they threw the switch. For interrupting your program, Mr. Benny. But there's a soldier here who's being discharged and it's time for him to go home. Oh, yes, yes, Colonel. I was talking to him before. There he is in the front row. Oh, yes. Come on, son, it's time to go home. No, no, not yet. I don't want to go yet. Please don't make me go. But son, the limousine is waiting and the chauffeur will drive you all the way home. I don't care. I don't want to go yet. But son, we let you stay here for most of the program. I know, but I don't want to leave until I hear the commercial. Well, bless his little heart. Don, let him hear the commercial. We don't want to keep the limousine waiting. Okay. LS, MFT, LS, MFT. Lucky strike means fire and tobacco. Ah, that's it, but not so fast. I want to enjoy it longer. Yes, take it easy, Donna. Lucky strike means fire and tobacco. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. There you are. No, no, don't stop. You're telling me more, telling me more. I want to hear it. Please, please. Go ahead, Don. Tell him more, kid. All right. Lucky strikes are made of the finer, the lighter, the naturally milder tobaccos. Yes, sir, you bet. For real deep down smoking enjoyment, smoke that smoke of fire and tobacco. Lucky strike. Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Wilson. I'll go now. I'll go. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye. Very much, Colonel. Thank you, Mr. Benny. Now, just go right ahead with your program. You know, kids, I was thinking, I'll bet a lot of people listen to our program just to hear the commercials. My mother only listens to the commercials and my singing. You're... Oh, hello, Dennis. I didn't see you come in. What was that you said before, Dennis? I said my mother thinks the only good parts on the show are the commercials and my singing. Oh, oh, she does, huh? Yeah. She thinks you're the worst comedian on the air. Oh, she does, huh? Yeah. She thinks you're awful. Oh, yeah? Yeah. When you say hello again, she gets sick to her stomach. Now, wait a minute. I've always had trouble with your mother. When you first came to work with her for me, she came down to the studio and tried to make a big fuss. But she didn't scare me. Well, you better stay away from her now, Mr. Benny. Why? She took boxing lessons from Ingrid Bergman. All I know is your mother never did like me. Mary's mother hates me, too. Oh, Jack, my mother does not hate you. She does, too. She does not. Then why, Mary? Tell me, why does she go around telling everybody that I'm the cheapest guy in the world? Because you are. Oh. Well, she's lucky I am a right sewer for everything she's got. Believe me. Anyway, Mr. Benny, whether my mother likes you or not, I'm glad I'm back with you since I got out of the Navy. Well, thank you. And I like the suit you sold me, too. It's all right, kid. But gee, Mr. Benny, I never saw pants before with the pleats in the back. Let's see. Dennis, you got the pants on backwards. Oh, I guess I was in the Navy too long. That's probably it. Say, Dennis, now that you're here, how about having... Oh, my goodness, that's Rochester. He's probably lost again. Mary, you answered, will you? Okay. Hello? Your daddy? Oh, is this still Harris's little girl? Uh-huh. Is this Mr. Benny's little girl? No. Now, this is Ms. Livingston. You know, honey, I saw your mother yesterday at the beauty parlor. Gosh, she certainly is pretty. You think she's prettier than my daddy? Well, yes, I do. Me, too. But don't tell daddy. Well, don't worry. I'll keep it a secret. Just a minute. I'll call your daddy. Your daughter's on the phone. Beautiful. Okay. Hello, baby. Hello, daddy. Do you know what tomorrow is? Tomorrow? No, what is it? It's Mommy's birthday. Oh, my goodness. That's right. And I didn't buy a thing for her. Hey, daddy, you're in a mess. Do you want me to leave the back door and lock for you again? No. No, no, honey. I'll get her something this afternoon. Look, what do you think Mommy would like for a birthday present? Well, let's see. Why don't you get her a green dress to match to the pool table you gave her for Christmas? No. No, no, baby. You're all mixed up. She gave that to me. Oh. Oh, daddy. I'm writing Mommy a birthday card, and I got stuck. How do you spell birthday? Well, um, how far have you gotten? Well, it's B.I., um, B.I., uh... Look, just leave it that way. Mommy'll figure it out. Gosh, I thought you'd know how to spell it. Well, certainly I know how to spell it, but I'm busy, honey. We're right in the middle of a program, and you ought to know that I haven't got time to fool with that stuff. Hey, daddy, you're so cute when you're mad. Yeah. Hey, Jackson, how do you spell birthday? B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y. Honey, it's B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y. Thanks, daddy. And thank Mr. Benny, too. Bye. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Imagine not knowing how to spell birthday. I know how to spell it, but you forget from year to year. Now, Dennis, uh, Dennis, as I was telling you before, when you do your song, I'm going to... Oh, for heaven's sake, nothing but interruptions. I'll take it. Hello? Hello, boys, it's me. Oh, my goodness. Where are you now? Your guess is as good as mine. Don't tell me you're lost again. Lost? I don't know about it. You told me twice. Roger, have you any idea where you are now? Wait till I look at the sign. What does it say? From the cradle to the grave, always use vermin. I don't mean that. Now, Roger, listen carefully. Come back to Riverside, then go through the town, turn to the right, and you can't miss March Field. Who can? You can. Roger, look, just ask somebody. Ask anybody how to get there. Wait a minute, boss. A soldier just came in to use the phone. I'll ask him. Okay. Say, soldier, how do you get to March Field? March Field? March Field? They're taking me away from there. I want to go back. I want to go back. Please, please, please. What's going on there? It's no use, boss. I'll have to find it myself. Okay, goodbye. Ladies and gentlemen, Dennis Day will sing a song written by Frank Lesser and dedicated to the memory of one of America's greatest war heroes, Roger Young. An entire company of his comrades would be spared shellfire from the enemy. Roger Young was just an ordinary guy before he enlisted, and in the army he was just a private. But he was a hero, and he died a hero's death. In death, songs have been written about him. Ball parks and boulevards have been named in his honor. In his life, however, Roger Young would be just another GI looking for a place to live like most of his buddies. So it is only fitting and proper that one of the first of the many veterans' emergency housing projects to be completed is Roger Young Village, which will open on April 27th in Griffith Park, Los Angeles. Let us hope that naming this series of quonset huts, Roger Young Village will serve as a reminder that the boys are home now, and they must have the things in life that Roger Young and his comrades fought and died for. Remember this all-important fact. Thank all the officers and men stationed here at March Field for inviting us down here today at a swell time. Mary, you know who's going to be our guest star next week? The MGM star, Van Johnson. I hope we bring her too by next Sunday. Good night, folks.