 This is my daughter's room My door is not eight years old and she has Not spent we divorced when she was about two or three She's not spent the night in this room since She's been two or three She's never slept in her bed or spent the night in this room But it's her room Keep it for her and It's her room fortunately I've never been a holiday person. I Don't even celebrate my birthday, you know for no reason other than You know every day that I wake up is a birthday as far as I'm concerned So fortunately because I don't have That oh, it's Christmas. Oh, it's Thanksgiving. Oh, it's I don't have that so Father's days, whatever it is meaning. Yes, my son's they're gonna call me My mother she's gonna call me my sister's they're gonna call me Some of my bros Will call me not all of them But some of them call me Will my daughter call me? Now yes Because this past year The fact that I've been able to be in her life taken into school every morning and having three days a week after school with her we bonded and you know, um Mondays my birthday we're going to the aquarium. That's um Huh daddy, let's do something for your birthday Hey, cool Let's go to the aquarium Been a DJ all my life I've owned I owned the the What one of the most known record stores in the city of Atlanta for 15 years, you know, I'm someone I Was on the policy council for early head start here in Georgia Early head start is now about probably four years old four or five years old But on in this inception I was on the policy council creating the policies and for the early head start program I have mentored Young black males dr. Ct. Vivian Institute of male scholars I mentored with him and other men young African American Males, you know from like 8 8 to 16. I think we did I did that for like 12 years I'm a founder of a organization called Nation Time Syndicate, which was the Atlanta version of New York's Zulu Nation or the worldwide Zulu Nation, you know, I've met a lot of people in my life and I Think if you turn my tree upside down and shook it you have a hard time shaking someone out of it That would have something bad to say about me So for the entire first grade, I Was not able to Take my child to school pick her up from school nothing She failed the first grade because I would go to the school and do the the pita Because it was um covert thing the zoom whatever I would have the meetings with her teachers and everything and Just to see what's going on and then when I got her report card She failed the first grade five apps first grade so Whoa, how do you fail the first grade now fortune? You don't get left back in the first grade but how you fell the first grade and Second grade I Was I hate to use this word, but it is what I was allowed to take her to school in the morning That became quality time for me I'm I'm we're doing Learning in the car going to school. I'm making I make her breakfast for her She's eating her breakfast in the car and we're doing Learning things in the car on the way to school and Then I was also I think maybe three days out the week. I would pick her up from school Long story short, she just finished the second grade a B honor roll A B I went from failing the first grade because I was nowhere allowed to be in her life to where I had Partial or portion accessibility to her a B honor roll entire year both semesters Our mother's Ghanaian I traveled to Ghana. I'm Building there and plan on retiring there and everything and that's how I met her mother and Her mother was the first person I met in my travels to Ghana who was actually trying to get up out of there and I mean a lot of people are trying but she actually was had a passport and everything So, you know, I admired that about her that you know, you got a vision to get out there. So anyway, you know, we've married there Did the visa thing got her here and We had we had a daughter within the first year of her being here. My daughter was born Yeah, but things just went left. This is my second divorce my divorce from my first wife with the two sons and You know, obviously, I've been in their life and I've I've affected how they've become my wife will tell you that I'm a fantastic father. She will she will tell you that and Even my second wife will tell you I'm a fantastic father, but the system doesn't care and that's where the whole Family dynamic gets convoluted is It's almost like in me going through this twice now It's almost like this might be a bad analogy, but I Look at modern Slavery how we were our family they took the man from the family and broke up the family everything It's almost like the court system instead of trying to Peacefully co-habitate with the family and make things Peaceful separation or it's like they try to create more of a Friction, you know one they're not about keeping the family together. They're they're more They feel it feels like they're more focused on You go in that corner you go in that corner. You're gonna make sure that that corner stays Well and taken care of and you're gonna have to figure out in your corner and the child is a this this like a disposable asset Because nothing in my experience and that's all I can speak from but I know there's a lot of men who share this Really puts the child first and that's my big problem is it's not about me It's not about the mother. It's about the child Fortunately, I'm one of those followers who Fight and jump through all the hoops That are obstacles that are put in front of me to still be in my child's life at whatever point in time There's a window. I jumped through the window Is that is that fair is that how it should be is is not having some structure? You know I'm parenting structure for a child good. We're just random. I mean there was one point. I went over a year without seeing my child just because the mother kept kept her from me and the system Drags they ask and there's no urgency For me, but I promise you if I'd have been keeping that child from the mother 48 hours There would have been some change probably in 24 If I tell you that you can go to this gas station and If you kick this gas pump three times you'll get free gas and You'll get away with it Then you'll probably do that and that's what the core system has told women that all they can all they have to do is come in and Whether they lie or not all you got to do is show up and you'll get away with you know, whatever allegations you may have or Pretty much. They'll give you More than what you want it my ex-wife didn't expect to get Didn't expect this to play out the way it did She was just trying to get her upper hand on custody on custody of the child She'd have been cool with 50 50 60 40 She's been cool as long as she what was the primary custodial parent But the system said nah, nah, baby. I got you boo Got you. We gonna give you full control and give him Make him have to pay you to have full control and support you and everything and you can determine when he sees his child So again, you know, if you can if you as a woman or And in the gas if you know, you can get away with kicking the pump and getting free gas So you as a woman know that you can go into the system and just tell whatever story you want to tell and the system's gonna just take it because you said it and cares less about the due diligence or you know the The factuality if that's a word of what you said But just how have you said it dinner? We'll make him accountable for it and we'll make the child suffer She's she's having to exist in two different worlds the world when she's with a mother is Take the iPad TV remote watch TV play The world when she's with me No iPad no TV remote let's learn and She Embraces the learning thing especially now she's getting older. So it's it's even like When I know I'm not going to see like when she's leaving. I'll give her homework To do while she's gone from me because she's not gonna do any homework other than that and I have to she I have to teach her work ethic Where you're constantly having to do work you you don't take breaks from learning you don't get three days of playing You don't get it not not much. So that's what I even um most recently because we're in summertime now and One day I forgot to write out homework for her and I told I said, okay, you make your own homework I need you to give me five addition five subtraction and Um Write out as many states as you can and Their abbreviations you don't have to write all 50 if you get however many you can remember off the top of your head write it and the abbreviations and That's your assignment without me having to write it down and she gets it. She embraces it She even asked me the other day like that. You're not gonna give me no work I'm gonna give you a break So, you know, so she understands the difference between The life that she has here versus the life that she has here and she's moving away from this Where it's just about playing and everything because she loves learning. She likes, you know, I do a lot of handyman stuff. I Let her use the tools, you know, I teach her how to use the tools I teach her, you know grout and mud tile and you know Mud sheetrock and sand sheetrock and I teach her how to she embraces it because it's all Education so learning and that's what she gets from me. She doesn't get that any place out She's eight now. She's not three no more. She doesn't understand. Well daddy, why can't I sleep in my bed? She doesn't understand that so I Feel like a sperm donor Fortunately, I didn't have to pay alimony but I'm in a child support check. That's all I am as far as it doesn't respect Father fatherhood doesn't respect the the importance That a father brings to his child Doesn't have this it's not even about, you know, if the marriage or relationship didn't work, that's fine We grown we adults we got to move on past that Emotional thing but the focus needs to be on the child and When the child's not having both parents, you know, I'm sure there's stats that say what happens to children without, you know, both parents You know and I'm only optimistic because I know me. I know that I'm going to go a Thousand percent hard in the paint for my foot for what's best for my child and my children and my Two sons are evidence of Of of how I am as a father as a parent So that's my optimism is that like I said, um, I raised two sons that if if I if I left here to Today She's in good hands so, um Am I optimistic that? She's going to be all that She could have been no She she she she missed four years of Learning and and and being you know Ahead of the curb of her age group because that's what I do. I am teaching you You know addition subtraction before school is I'm teaching you how to The 50 states and how to spell them in the abbreviations and the seven continents and we're looking at the globe and the map before school does and I've just been able to do that this one year the previous years. She's got none of that so she's just been TV and iPad So can she make that up? Am I optimistic about that? I want to be because it's very easy For a man to walk away It's like too much. There's too much, you know, I'm supposed to see my child this on Friday and Saturday and you're not bringing my child Friday and Saturday Police can't do nothing. I can't go back to court about it because that's more money and time and everything and After a while, it just gets away. It's just so easy to just like, you know what? Can't do this no more But again, I don't know any men who have done that but I so almost like who's okay. I understand You know, if I want to be understand, I understand because you know, it shouldn't be that hard to be a father to your child It should be 50-50 not 90-10 So when you when when when I have 90 90 percent control of something I can dictate You know, if I if I if I got the refrigerator and I'm in control of it You can't just get what you want when you want. I'm in good I know you can and that's what happens with the child when you give somebody 90 percent control of a child So I know we were gonna go here and The fact that it's my time to have the child It doesn't matter because the system will not Back me up, you know, it's one thing if you know, it's still behind When a when a mother doesn't adhere to the visitation and the system Made her accountable for that That doesn't level the playing field but it good, but we don't even have that so we have nothing so We're we're we're at the mercy of whenever It's convenient often times For the mother to not have the child. Yeah, it's like, okay, can you come pick up the child? And it doesn't even have to be The court order time or anything. It's just what's convenient and we kind of jump through those hopes if you're not a strong Minded have a strong network support network of people to hold you up and keep you Focused and you know checking on you and knowing that you're going through stuff and that you know, it's weighing on you I Couldn't understand how you can just break and just like yo, I ain't got nothing. What else I got you took my family You're taking all my money from me court course child support alimony. I can't make a living I can't see my choice like what else I got I'm not that dude You know, I'm my family structure and my friend pool and just my whole support network is too strong for that But everybody don't have that you know, so I'm I'm good because of who I am and consciously knowing What can happen if I don't maintain my mind and my strength and my focus on the most important thing, which is my child my child cannot Prosper or benefit from me in jail Having done something to myself that I'm not going to I'm not gonna make my mind. She's already going through enough Based on what Has happened. I'm not going to make her life. You know got more difficult, but you know, I can see how people snap the system has to change That that that has to be there has to be an inkling of common sense that realizes how antiquated and how unjust and how how detrimental What this system is doing is to the child I'm expecting to give a damn about me. It's it's show me don't give a damn about me and Obviously gives a damn about the woman and that's fine. I can't control that but damn give a damn about the child Give a damn about the child man. That's That that that's the you know, that's my only thing is it has to be some it has to be someone who has seen enough of what's going on and like like judges are y'all really Happy with the rulings that y'all make Do y'all really sleep good at night knowing that you just took this child's father away from them and I Guess you do sleep good because you know, you ain't you ain't gotta look back and see what that child became five years from now Maybe that child ends up in your court in ten years. You know, you're sentencing him For something that maybe could have been avoid if he had a father in his life We're men we want to Take our children and have an effect on how they grow and and everything when you castrate us Like that that's that that's that's that's hard for a man to handle but you know, these younger brothers Coming up, you know, just just be I guess more important just be careful with where you lay your seed You know, that's first and foremost Just don't don't don't lay your seed anywhere because if you do that then you have no control over Anything that happens after that you don't control the ability for that the seed to come to term and After that You're you're you're you're down a long road unless you have good A good fair-minded woman that believes and respects your parenting It ain't about Y'all y'all can go y'all separate ways, but Make sure that the woman the best that you can respects the importance of you as a parent and as a man and as a father Fathers are important to children fathers are necessary to children It's got to be enough mentality and stats that they would care to look at that would say wow Households without fathers this happens Households that have fathers this happens Wow Makes sense that father need to be in but they don't care. I think that they're just you know so focused on the mother the one who carried the child for nine months and Bore the child that that's who had but all mothers ain't good mothers You know, you'd be surprised how many fathers are better Parents I'm not talking about a father being a better mother Just like a mother can't be a better father. I'm talking about parent That you know encompasses Enough of both of them if you're gonna have one you'd be surprised how many fathers are better parents You know a father's not gonna keep his child from the mother We're not we're not built like that because we respect. This is your child too and This and and the system's not gonna allow us to do that You know the system's not gonna allow you know, so it's a double-edged sword there But um, they're not gonna always be a child They'll be older one day and they'll do the math on You know what happened and wow dad you yeah, you yeah, I remember when you used to you know, just Pick me up just to drop me off and just in that little bit of time We would go eat and have ice cream and then you would give me that you know Don't don't don't remember that because you know, she lets me know now some of the things that she you know Remembers to you know, it's funny because she asked me, you know these questions now And I say to you're not old enough me to have that conversation with you But when she's old enough, I will because it's all about the truth and Maybe she'll ask her mother the same thing and have a conversation with her probably your two different stories But somewhere in there will lie the truth and you know, she'll have to you know Do what she chooses with that truth Father's Day, you know, I'll probably she'll probably be with me I don't know she'll probably be with me on Father's Day has she been with me on a Father's Day up until now Not unless no no no she hasn't we've never spent a father's day together Sent in the past five years since this court thing