 When you get mad, the narcissist does this. The narcissist will poke and provoke you. They will give rise to a negative reaction or motion. They will incite you to do or feel something by arousing anger in you. They will deliberately annoy you. They will send you into a rage. And they will do it for their own amusement. They will give you backhanded compliments. They will give you insults and put downs. They will compare you to other people. They will say hurtful things about you. They will give you shockingly bad and excessive lies. And when you finally react to them, they will make it even more intense and serious. They will ramp it up until you can't take anymore. Until you begin to say horrible things about them. You may damage their property. You may even attack them. But then eventually, things will cool down. And you will reconcile after the argument. They will be friendly to you again. Because they get off on it. They feel powerful when they're able to control your emotions. When they're able to get you to react. When they can make you act in ways you never would. When they can bring out the worst in you. Because they push you to the edge of what you're able to tolerate. They push you to your pain threshold. They create chaos and drama to get you to react to them. Until you begin to feel bad for your actions. Because you have been abusive to them. You've reacted in ways that you're not proud of. But it's only because they orchestrated it. They planned and coordinated the elements of a situation to produce their desired effect. They tricked you. They set you up. They caused you to engage in reactive abuse. Where you lashed out at your abuser. Because they provoked you into reacting in a way. That is out of character. But you may be left feeling shame. You may be left feeling like you were the abuser. And although the narcissist may not have validated any of your experiences in the past. This is one thing that they will be quick to confirm for you. They will quickly point the finger at you. As though they didn't do anything to provoke you. It will feel like there was a devil inside of you. As though you had no control over your body. Because they pushed and provoked you. Until you responded in a similar manner. Until you became violent. And then they pointed the finger at you. They blamed you for everything. Which is very easy for them to do. Because you're already questioning your integrity. Or you may be in trouble with the law. Because you've fallen into their trap. They drove you into a corner. They pinned you down and tricked you. Into doing something contrary to your interests and intentions. And then they waited to make a surprise attack. Because they focus on your reaction to the abuse. Rather than the abuse itself. It's easier said than done. But when you are around a narcissist. You need to do everything in your power to avoid being provoked by them. To avoid reacting to them. To avoid losing control of yourself. Because they will provoke you. They will push your buttons. They will gas like you until you break. Until you lose control. And then you will later regret your actions. Because you know that you have acted out of character. You know that you have gone against your moral principles. But if you are around a healthy person. You will never act out of character. You will never act in a way that is contrary to how you normally are. If that happens to you. It means that something is not right. Because it's not normal for a person to act out of character. It's not normal for a person to go against their usual pattern of behaviors and motives. Which is why you need to evaluate your own behavior. You need to question where this is coming from. They will trick you into losing your self-worth and self-esteem. They will trick you into doing it to yourself. Because you know you are responsible for your own actions. Regardless of how they made you feel. It was still a choice that you made. But that doesn't mean that what they did was okay. It doesn't mean that they're not responsible for their actions as well. But if you respond to it. You're just as guilty as they are. Which is why they trick you into doing it. To make you feel bad about yourself. Because you both already know you're better than that. That's why they find so much amusement in it. They feel powerful. When they can make you act in ways that are unlike yourself. And they will use it to hurt you. They will use it to bring you down in life. They will tell people that you are the narcissist. They will tell people that you are the abuser. They will smear your name. They will try to get you in trouble with the law. It will affect your job. Your relationships with friends or family. And it will keep you under their control. Because now they're in control of how everyone sees you. They're the ones who write the narrative for your past, present and future. The narcissist will push and provoke you until you finally react. Until you finally get mad. And then they will step back and play the victim. It will seem like they have amnesia. As though they have no recollection of what they did to you. They only remember what you did to them. And that is the narrative that they will share to other people. They will tell people that you are this horrible person. Who has treated them for no reason. You will be to blame. Even if you were just trying to defend yourself. Even if what you did was in response to their actions. None of that matters with the narcissist. They're always the victim when they need to be. When they feel that it will give them power in a situation. All they care about is power and control. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonates with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. If you would like to donate. My PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching Inquiries. You can email me at coaching.anarchsurvivor.uk Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.