 What do you, because, you know, everybody talks about like the feminine fit friendly thing, what do you think though actually are like realistically the actual traits that men are really actually looking for. And don't say like, oh, we want somebody that's peaceful or whatever because what does that mean, right? Exactly. Like what are you, what would you, what is actually important in making the decision that like this is the one? What do you think more often than not men, like it clicks for them when they are presented with this and a woman? Listen, it's the message right here, black boy tell me how you really feel, because I just want to build with you, black girl tell me how you really feel, I want to keep it real with you, I want to live better, eat better, I want to love better, sleep better, yeah, I want to feel so aligned. Okay, let's take it to another angle, because I don't think it's talked about enough. I do think that, you know, sometimes men will create a narrative to get what they want. That's true, that's 100% true. What makes it a bit more complicated is that sometimes it wasn't necessarily a narrative, it was that we finally, we realized after some time, we actually don't like it. I actually don't like this girl. I thought I did, I thought I could. I thought I could, it's not the same as I did. Well, so this is, this is why it's complicated because men, have you ever heard the term post in that clarity? Yeah. So, men walk around in this haze, and unfortunately, it's because of our biological program, and our program is to go forth and spread our seed, and because of that, we tend to pedicelize women prematurely. Okay. And the problem with pedestals, I might call it that, the problem with pedestals. That's the name of this one. Yeah, yeah, the problem with pedestals is that the only way to go is down. Right, so when you find out that she actually doesn't look how you saw her across the party when she wakes up, she doesn't look like that all the time. She doesn't, she's a person, she's human, right? It's very easy to be disappointed, right? And that's what happens to a lot of guys. So, some OGs will tell you, listen, before you go on a date or before whatever, beat your meat. So, you can clear that haze and actually see her for what she is, and who she is, as opposed to operating on that thirst, and that, oh, I gotta see what she look like naked, and I gotta be inside, you know what I mean? So, sometimes, in men's defense, sometimes we just found out we don't actually like you. Okay, but that doesn't take, that doesn't take three months, though, or a year. Sure. It doesn't take that long. There's a guilt to that, too, though. What? There's a guilt to that, that feeling that I'm describing. Because, again, I've been a dude for a long time, and there's a guilt to it because it's, it's, it is weird. It's kind of like, you know, with crackheads, you're chasing the high constantly, and with dudes, it's a little bit kind of like that, too. I'm chasing that image of her that I made up in my mind, right? Unfortunately, that only goes away with age and experience. Yeah. When, when the guy gets the boy, I've had sex with women, I know women, I can dialogue with women as human beings, and that's what I encourage. But starting off, because this usually happens with younger dudes, you know what I'm saying? College and shit like that. Starting off, that's what it is. He wanted to like you, and he wanted to want to like you. And eventually, you couldn't live up to the fairy tale he made up it in my, because nobody can. Right. That's why I do feel like, again, I just think, I think women have to move a little bit differently because that we allow those things to happen. I think that even despite some of our best efforts, and it's like, oh, well, he said he loved me and he or likes me or whatever. And his actions show that just because somebody likes you doesn't mean that you need to go sleep with them, though. Man or woman, like that doesn't mean that. And so I think that there needs to be more intentionality again. I agree. Yeah. Because some of this stuff you can realize, you can think I'm pretty all that you want. But if we don't connect on, you know, an intellectual and a spiritual level and all those things, we don't have any business sleeping with each other or anything else. Pretty isn't sustainable. No, it's not. It really isn't because if something, yeah, no. And I feel, and you know, the thing is, this is just kind of popped in my mind. I think that's also part of the reason why women gravitate towards certain types of men, because I think they innately understand that. Because I've had women, for instance, tell me like, I know he doesn't really like me. He just wants to sleep with me. Like a part of y'all kind of knows that this nigga has a built up idea of who I am. And I'm really not her, you know, I'm not that polished. I'm not that perfect, but he can't see past the titties and ass and the face in the whole nine. So that's why I kind of encouraged dudes to be more pragmatic with the expect, because it's all like a cycle. We do this, y'all do that. So you do this, y'all, yeah. Yeah. And I think some like conversations like this, you have to really get to know people. And I think that's something that's kind of lost is how to, one, communicate. Oh, that's a fact. How to have meaningful conversations with someone. Because I feel like most of attraction is not just how someone looks. It's, you know, how they think and how they navigate difficult situations. And, you know, like viewpoints on different things can make someone attractive. And ultimately, those are the things that don't really fade unless for some reason you wake up and you have this major mindset shift that like makes you no longer compatible. But for the most part, I think there needs to be more, more intentional effort into understanding who people are outside of surface level. So I'll say this and I want you to respond in my experience. Because we hear often that men aren't good communicators, you know, or as good as women. In my experience, women are not good communicators for two reasons. Number one, in my experience, a lot of women aren't good listeners. Number two, and saying this is somebody who asks relatively good questions. I don't really get them any good questions, if I'm being honest. Yeah, I know. So what's going on? I agree with you about women not. I didn't realize until I was watching Kevin Samuel's show, I didn't realize how poorly women at large do at communicating or expressing themselves. Part of it is probably a vocabulary issue. And then I think the other part is a reflection issue. I don't think women, sometimes I have asked women and men questions and they're like, I've never thought about that. And it's about them. So it's like, what do you think about when you're thinking? Like, you know, how did that affect you? I don't know. I never really thought about how that affected me. I mean, when did this behavior start? I never really thought about when that started out. I mean, it's just always been this way. This is just the way that I am. It's probably not just the way that you are. Like, you're not just inherently dishonest. Like, something, it's something contributing to that. But I do think that that's true. I feel like women don't necessarily always listen to have a positive discourse. I think that some of the barriers to communication come into play where women get defensive because they feel like they're being attacked. And so when you feel like you're being attacked or when you feel like I think one issue with women is that there is a need to feel valued to prove our self worth, prove that we should be the choice. And when you feel like that, it's easy to get defensive when you feel like someone is saying otherwise. And then if I get defensive, I can't hear anything else that you're saying. So that might not have been your intention, but I stopped listening at the point where I got offended. So the part that would have clarified what you meant, I didn't even hear it. So in that spirit, ask me questions. Ask me questions. What are the burning questions or inconsistencies that you're seeing with men? And I'll try my best to clarify or try to clarify. So I want to hear your perspective on this particular one. What do you think why? OK, so we already established the fact that women have an issue understanding what they qualify for. And I think it's reasonable to say that that's partly due to the fact that men do things that are not necessarily consistent with what they want, i.e. taking them on dates when they know it's a woman that they have no interest in or talking to them on the phone for hours or spending a lot of time and money on them. Why do you think men do that? So I'm going to go deep, but not too deep. So there's a there's a there's a guy. He's a thing is a psychiatrist, a psychologist. Psychiatrist, one or the other. But his name is Dr. Warren Farrell. OK. And he studies boys and men. And what's funny is he used to be a feminist. And, you know, during some of his talks, he tries to kind of put boys into the proper perspective, you know, because a lot of times when we're dealing with boys and men in our society, we kind of just vilify them and kind of throw them away. And one of the things he said is that, you know, after interviewing hundreds, maybe even thousands of men, he found that most men's fantasy is to have a lot of women. OK. Like our baseline is to have a lot of women. And ironically, it's a point of guilt for men. So like we're constantly in our in our minds fighting this urge. But it is a thing. And I can attest to that. Like if if if men had their way or left to our devices, yeah, I want multiple. Yeah. And I think there is like a biological precedent for that. You know, sperm count of the whole nine, but that's beside the point. So with that being said, there's a constant like tug of war like we want to do right. But it's not always the case. And then you combine that with the fact that we don't romanticize love in the same way that women do. You know, so for us, it's about finding the right fit at the right time. That's the that's the key thing. The right fit at the right time. There was a there's a show called The Grapevine and one of the girls on the show, I think she's IG famous. I can't remember a name off the top of my head, but she she said they did a survey of a bunch of dudes married and otherwise. Like, do you love is the woman you married? The woman you love the most and most men do not prioritize marriage when we make long. I mean, I'm sorry, love when we make long term decisions, right? So there are a lot of dudes that the woman that they love the most isn't necessarily the woman that they marry. Yeah. And I think there's a lot of different nuances to that. But basically, men make decisions differently in timing is the most important part. Now, the time period where women complain the most about is like college. Yeah. To 20, 30 years, you know, and typically in that time, men are trying to grind. They're trying to create a they're trying to create a image of a man that they respect. And until they create that man, until they find him, I'm not looking for her. Unfortunately, some men do either look for her in that time, find her or stumble upon her and it's like, I can't let this one go. So that happens. But again, men's program, men's wiring is to like prioritize your mission, at least the type of men's caliber of men that women even want. Because the caliber of man, you want six figures of the whole nine. That's the thing who prioritizes mission. That's the thing who was like on his grind. Right. So he's not going to necessarily prioritize love or the lovey-dovey shit. So so that's what's tough. But again, we're doing all this and operating in a culture that celebrates romance and celebrates men catering to women in the whole night. So we still try less our hearts to play the game. And sometimes unsuccessfully. Yeah. And we hurt women, especially, you know, I'm 29 years old. I've been everything you're talking about, especially when we're younger. We hurt women, but it's that tug of war of I want to be good to her, but I got to first be good to myself. I want to make an honest woman out of her, but I'm not even ready to be the type of man I want to be for myself. You know, and I probably don't even like her. I might just be horny. You know what I'm saying? So it's a bunch of tug of wars. And I'm excited about this time period because I think men are finally able to tell our side and our stories because typically we're dismissed as heartless, callous, apathetic motherfuckers who are just breaking hearts along the way when it's a lot more nuanced than that. It's a lot more complicated. I like that. OK, I have a follow up. Talk to me. So one thing that I've heard my mom says this all the time that. Men can't be alone. So that tends to contribute to like what we were just talking about, where mental entertain women that they know, like they know, if given a better option, this wouldn't be happening. Like you already identified she's not your wife and you desire to be married. But you know it's not her. Do you believe that men can't be alone? I think it depends on your definition of alone because I encourage men to be alone. What does that mean when you encourage that? What is your idea for that? Like being able to like be a monk. Like, like it's not Confucius. One of the Asian philosophers, they talk about the 10,000 hours. Like before you can get good at anything, you have to go in 10,000 hours to be an expert or in front of the computer, whatever the case may be. And in order to do that, you have to black out distractions. I can think of no better distraction than a woman. Because she requires time, energy, patience. Is it possible, though? Do you think men, like that's a thing that men can do? To do both? Yeah, well, to be actually alone in the way that you're describing, like no feminine like contact, no sex. I think what most men do is we minimize it to sex. Because I mean, we still want pussy. I mean, and that's what's funny about this whole prize conversation. Because the biggest prize since the beginning of time has been pussy. You know, so so men still want that. And especially what also makes it complicated is the men who are pursuing something larger than themselves and are doing what they need to do, tend to be attractive to women. So women are going to gravitate to them as well. And they want the pussy, so they work something out. You know, but when I'm talking about alone, I'm talking about being tonal vision, singularly focused on what you're trying to do. But again, life is not simple. Right. Life is messy. And along the way, you know what I'm saying? She got the fuck of potential president and he, you know what I'm saying? He got some pussy on it. You know, so so I think I think there's a mutually beneficial exchange if both parties are aware and both people are adults and they could work it out. But I just want women to understand that women and men don't prioritize the same things for different reasons. I don't have the same biological clock that you have. So if I like, if I want to get my shit together at 40, but you have between like now 35 and shit, yeah. So I empathize with that and I encourage other men to do that. But it's complicated. It's complicated. OK. OK. When you think about when you because we all know it's not just about looks. There's a lot of factors that go into men deciding that like a woman is the one who let's talk about it. What do you because, you know, everybody talks about like the feminine fit friendly thing, what do you think, though, actually are like realistically the actual traits that men are really actually looking for? And don't say like, oh, we want somebody that's peaceful or whatever, because what does that mean? Right. Exactly. Like what are you? What would you what is actually important in making the decision that like this is the one? What do you think more often than not? Men, like it clicks for them when they are presented with this and a woman. I'm going to answer that two ways. So, you know, shout out to the late Kevin Samu's fit feminine friendly and then a friendly. Was it for feminine, beautiful, inspirational FBI? Um, and, you know, the inspirational piece, I think is the biggest piece of it. And, you know, if you ask 10 guys, nine are going to say peace. So I don't think we can minimize the importance of peace. And I think what that means, if I if I had to like elaborate on it, I want or a dude would be looking for a woman who in some way, shape or form makes his life easier. Most women make your life more complicated because for whatever reason, our culture expects men to serve women. So it's just about what can he do for me? How many cute pictures can we take cute trips? Can we go on and how can he validate my insecurities? But for a man to say, oh, no, I got to hold on to that. It's a woman in some way, shape or form. He needs and this is this is the analogy that I would give. And it's counter to the popular analogy. The popular analogy is like the boss couple. Yeah. Power couple. Power couple, CEO, CEO, CEO. You know, a couple that lasts longer than the power couple. What? The CEO and his secretary. That nigga will leave Apple, go to Amazon and take his secretary. That nigga will leave Amazon, go to Facebook and take his secretary. And the reason why that is, is because number one, there's a clear, there's a clear purpose. It's not a power struggle because that's what happens with power couple. Sometimes it ends up being a power struggle and he literally needs her. Yeah. You know, people who work in HR, they'll tell you that, yo, you might think the CEO is the most powerful person in the company, but you're not getting to him without her. Right. She's a gatekeeper. She knows his kids soccer schedule. She knows his insulin medication. Like she is that nigga's like, you know what I mean? Yeah. So with that caliber of man that we're aspiring for or to be, we need somebody who makes our life easier and our life simpler. Because if I am protecting and providing properly, that means I'm going out into the world and fighting. I don't want to come home and fight. Yeah. But again, when there's a power struggle or when there is a woman who, regardless of what you do, she doesn't think you are anything until you do these things that she wants you to do. You're never going to find peace in that environment. So unfortunately, and I'm just saying most women are not marriage material. They think they are because biologically they are. But this idea that this man owes you something, this idea that he wouldn't be anything without you, as opposed to you're adding to help make shit, you're adding to everything that he was going to be, I think is what's destroying it. So, but if you can be a woman where it's like, you know, Savannah James. Most people don't even know what her voice sound like. Yeah, I don't. But LeBron, he ain't let her go. Yeah. You know what I mean? So, so I think, unfortunately, a lot of women would rather be LeBron. That's the fact. Yeah. Exactly. But that type of man, he needs a soft to his heart. He needs balance. Right. So I'm encouraging women to be that balance or you can be LeBron and get you a Savannah. Yeah. Most women are all a Savannah. Yeah. Okay. So I have one more for you. Talk to me. Give me as many as you want. He's a good boy. I don't get good questions. So I'm enjoying this. So in lieu of my desire to help women get the outcomes that they want, how would you recommend women balance being supportive for men, but not being, I don't want to say taken advantage of, but not being appreciated. Because I feel like a lot of times and women tend to feel this way. You run the risk and this is just in general anytime when you are of service to someone, you run the risk of one sort of remaining stagnant in the season when you're supporting that person. And then two, they have the option to leave and then you have to start over by yourself. But then on the other hand, with the appreciation part, when something is always available to you, it's easier to under appreciate it or undervalue it. So how would you say women can do a better job at being supported because that was one of the things that you mentioned, men want someone that's going to support, but making sure that that support is not undervalued, that men actually are seeing it, appreciating it, and then responding by making a commitment or something like that. And that's what's tough because I wish love was a science, but it's an art. And I would liken it to interviewing for jobs. Like having a good resume gets you the interview. Whether or not your cultural fit gets you the job. So I think both things should be weighed heavily when evaluating a potential candidate or potential love interest. And part of the cultural fit aspect of it is, is this somebody who is conscientious or at least appreciates conscientiousness or attempts to see that is this somebody who can appreciate things that might not be overtly or might not overtly seem valuable. Because I'm the type of person, I encourage men to be able to put a dollar amount on a woman cooking and a woman cleaning. Those things are valuable. Yeah, they are. Like when you start tallying it up childcare, that shit is valuable. So if you need to understand it from a dollar amount standpoint, cool, but you need to be able to not trivialize what this woman brings to your life. And I think unfortunately that's where men drop the ball back in the day. So is this a man who is not just good on paper resume, but also has a sense of wisdom? Because wisdom is about how you connect information, not just having information. Right. But again, that ends up being an even more difficult man to find, but I think it's easier if you start prioritizing that above all the sixes and all the small shit. Because there are a bunch of people who are degreed and have money and shit like that, but they don't understand how the world works. They don't understand psychology. They don't understand like sociology. They don't understand how things fit. So if we start encouraging that type of behavior, I think we'll see the outcomes. But to your point, I think women are far more powerful than they think they are. I agree. And the type of men that we see in our society are a direct result of the type of behavior that is incentivized. So if we want to see more conscientious men, if we want to see more kind men, because those men exist, they just don't get no pussy. And I think men that are naturally that way sometimes suppress those traits. Absolutely. Because either they've been, like, somebody took advantage of that in the past or it's not cool to be like so nice or whatever to. Yeah. And it's funny, even with this whole rustling future situation, like people are saying, I think mistakenly saying that, so men are talking all this shit about Russell Wilson and their encouraging future is bullshit. Because guess what? Before women knew who Russell Wilson was, men did because men are football fans. Yeah. All right? And guess what? When you go to future concerts, it's full of white people and women. Yeah, that's true. So women are literally financing this type of behavior over this type of behavior. So let's tell the truth. But again, if we want to see more Russell Wilson in our society, we need to incentivize. I've seen women under the like comment sections of like shade room and shit like that say, oh, this is all cute, but I still achieve a future on the weekends. So like literally we are, and my little brother's 17 years old, he sees it too. He sees, yo, women, if I'm like this, I have more success than being like that. So I'm going to just be like this for the meantime. Hopefully I can hold on to my niceness and all that stuff for my wife. But in the meantime, I was, I'm a boy. I was putting. Yeah. These resistance women chasing the excitement thing. Yeah. I'm excited. We're going for the carnival. Call it exciting. The roller coaster. That's right. No, that makes sense. From what I've gathered from what I've heard and observed men have a confidence issue. And they don't talk about it, but a lot of this, you know, trying to get money and all these different things oftentimes are like to compensate for like a lack of confidence. So then their self-worth is sort of rooted in achievement versus like character, like internal. Hold on.