 I'm an everyday woman, woman, woman In every way, yeah, yeah I'm living my life, life Living day by day Welcome to Every Way Woman. There are some major changes happening in the talk show world. Live from Los Angeles, here's Every Way Woman. One unless you take care of yourself. But women, class, for instance, Madison, you have kids. How do you not put them before you? You lose yourself. No, you can't. Kids come before everything else. But, you know, you don't think of it that way. A lot of times you don't think of what you do and the energy that you put into things as self-sacrifice. You just do it. I know for sure when I was growing up, every now and then we get knocked aside the head and, you know, I look at my mom and she goes, you'll understand, you know. Do you understand? Do you understand? Yes, I do. I do now because I walked up to my mother the other day and I just hugged her. And I just started to cry and she's holding me and she's looking at me like, why? Why are you doing this? I understand. Amber, do you understand being a mother? I mean, have you lost any sense of yourself? Chad, I haven't lost none of my stuff. I'm not losing my stuff on them kids. I'm not losing my babies, but I was like, you on mommy's train, okay, but you're not on your train. But no, I mean. But I recently got a new job where I can take my kids to work with me. And it has been such a blessing. It's like, you know, it's like a camp and they go and they have a great time. You know, I have Kai, he's four, Kai's eight. So, I mean, really, they love what I do. They're like my cheerleaders actually. So, I mean. You know what? That's interesting you mentioned that because the whole business about, you're on mommy's time. See, that's how I grew up. You know, in my family, you know, my mom and my dad, they did their thing and we just went along for the ride. We were, it's like, this is our world. You are in it. And yet two of my best friends have what I consider to be very, very child-centric families. And I look at, you know, I look at the way that they operate in that model and I'm just like, I look at it and I'm terrified because I'm like, well, is that what parenting is now? That wouldn't work for me. Cheryl, do you feel like you've lost your friends in that? You know what? No, because I'm the only single one left so I kind of go and snatch them back into reality every so often. But even that said, I think because I'm the single one then I'm the one who does the most reaching out. I do the most planning and coordinating. And in fact, most of the time, I have to go do things that are centered around kids if I want to be able to participate in that. Anna, you're single, but do you ever feel like you've had a tendency to lose yourself in a relationship where you sacrificed to your world? Oh my goodness, I have a story for you. I mean, in a relationship, I was with somebody for seven years and everything was about them, you know what I mean? And I, you know, it was too much. Have you dated somebody with kids? Yeah, he had kids. He had too. It was horrible when we broke up. But what now? Now, I put myself first. I'm too selfish. And I am happy that I say that because I went through a lot. And I'm, you know, and now... So is this a stage in your life where you're deciding to selfish? I love being selfish. I don't have kids. I'm fine. It's about me. I'm just guilty to a fault of putting everybody else before me. My friends, my, you know, my lovers, my parents, anyone. And I never saved time for myself. And I finally realized that at a point I wasn't doing a good job of meeting anybody's needs and these relationships because I never took care of myself. I mean, for years I did this. And when I was... I'm divorced now. But when I was married, I was guilted into staying into the marriage because I wasn't being a good mother. I wasn't putting my children's needs first and therefore I had to stay in a relationship where I had lost myself. And there was a lot of guilt play in that and, oh, you're not doing this while you're not being a good wife. Oh, you're not doing this. And I did. And because it was supported by other family members. Right. You know, oh, well, he's the husband. He should lay down the law. Oh, you are a mom now. You need a kid. You cannot. And I would have been like him so you won't be taking care of him. Yeah. Yeah. All live in other states at that time. Right, right. But I wonder at what point then did you realize you had lost yourself and you wanted to get back to the Madison window? When I looked at myself in the mirror and I didn't know who I was. Wow. That's what happened. What did that look like to you, Madison? For me, it was looking at a stranger. You see the image, but you don't know who it is. And that person doesn't make sense to you anymore. And I had to do that. I did that for my children. Right. Because I didn't want them to grow up with a mother who was living in the shell of herself. Do you think that addicts have a tendency to do that? I mean, they lose themselves to what they're addicted to. Mostly, I had a very close friend of mine who was addicted to drugs and she lost herself, essentially, to that. Same could be said with friends of mine who have had eating disorders. That became then. Well, I think anything you give your attention to, that's your treasure. That's your true treasure. So I mean, like my children, they're my treasure. I love them. But at the same time, I don't want to lose myself. I came out here with a purpose, with a goal. And for them to be like my biggest cheerleaders is the best thing in life. And in that, I can cheer them on and whatever they want to do. But if I consume myself with them all the time, you're right. You're going to look in the mirror and you're going to say, what happened to me? You're wearing sweats and a bandana. Oh, gosh. Sweats in my mirror? Were you looking in my mirror? Were you looking in my mirror? Yeah. Are you going to wear a sweat and a bandana? Sweats? Bandana? I'm looking at myself and going, shit, you used to look at it. That air a little dark? You're like, what happened? You're going to make up no more. I mean, it's just frightening. So I mean, you have to take it yourself and guess what? When you have a dream, your children are part of the dream. Life is bigger than life itself. Exactly. That's what I want to do. I want to be the example for my children so that they can live their life without regrets because they can look at me and see that I did exactly the same. Well, I'm going to just try and live in an example to all of you. Stay tuned. We'll be right back. Every Way Woman. After this commercial break, there's more Every Way Woman. You and Every Way Woman. Madison and the doctors from Finesse are going to talk about men and plastic surgery. Stay tuned. We'll be right back. Society tends to place the same standards on men as they do women when it comes to look. However, when it comes to plastic surgery, it tends to be more of a women's club. So here today we have Dr. West and Dr. Gown who are going to tell us if we have a misconception about men and plastic surgery. So gentlemen, coming from a plastic surgeon and a man's point of view, how challenging do you think it is for a man to pick up the phone and call about changing some of his looks? That's an interesting question. It certainly is not as easy as it is for a woman because it's expected that a woman is going to be walking into a plastic surgeon's office for a man. However, the same issues exist. The man's looking at himself in the mirror as he's aging, seeing the bags under the eyes, the increase in wrinkles, the heavy, tired look. And he's getting those kinds of comments from other people at work or around him with his peers. And eventually the phone call comes in and we treat every male that comes in just as we do our women consultations. The same questions, the same criteria for what is it about yourself that bothers you most that you want to change about yourself. Now, what would you say is the most common thing that a man calls in for or comes in for? That's interesting. I think that, you know, I don't think there's any one thing that stands out with men. I mean, I think that we see a range of issues. We see 20-year-old men who come in with breast tissue that they're not happy with. 20-year-old. Yeah, we see, you see 55-year-old men who come in, they don't like the way their eyes look. So we see a spectrum. I think that the same way, I don't think I could tell you there's one most common thing that women come in for. I think with men you see a range of issues, anything from, you know, the face to the chest to the rest of their body. So the same issues really that Dr. Galasain, the same issues that touch women. Now with men, they tend to have a loose, round-headed, melancholy, bulbous at some point. And they're interested in a facelift. What is something that you would suggest that they do? Or how can you get around that? So it's not a particular thing that's of a concern, except if the male pattern boneless is across the top of the head and we're considering a brow lift surgery or a forehead lift surgery. With a facelift we hide the incisions such that it's in front of the ear behind and behind into the hairline, which most men still have, is that pattern from behind the hair. Whereas up top is where we start to thin out. So in those cases, if we do entertain a brow lift or a forehead lift, we simply use a different technique. We use the endoscopic approach, which uses much smaller incisions, very well hidden, very well placed to achieve the outcome. Now do you see that men get the same confidence change when they go in for a procedure when they come out? Yeah, I think absolutely. Whether it's the face or the body, take a 60-year-old man who comes in and says, you know, I'm in the workforce. I'm concerned that over time the company may start to bring in a more beautiful, appearing group of people for management, let's say. You know, they're worried about holding on to their job or a man who's lost his job is trying to get back from the workforce. You do facial surgery with the face of eyelid surgery. You take 10 years off the appearance that person's face and you absolutely drive up their confidence tremendously. So, you know, they go back, whether they're currently employed and going back and they think, well, I'm going to keep my job in 15 years for this. Or somebody who is out of work gets that extra boost of confidence to go back on the interview trail, knowing that no one's going to judge them in the same way. Or look at their jowls and say, well, I'm not sure this person's, you know, like this age, the right candidate. Yeah, that is very interesting because you're saying that men would tend to go in for a financial reason, like keeping their job or getting their job, where women might come in for a relationship reason, like getting a man or keeping their man. I think we see both. I mean, I think you see men who are trying to get back in the dating scene after a divorce who come in for the same reasons and are about to get back out there and I want to look my best. So I think their reasons often come down to a lot of the same reasons that drive women into high classes. Now, is it something that you would consider in the future? Dr. Henn, you want to take that one? Sure, everybody wants to have an improved version of themselves. And so even if it's something simple like a Botox treatment to feather out some of the weathered lines or the wrinkles as we age to something that's transformational like a body contouring surgery, whether it be non-invasive, like cool sculpting or liposuction to get rid of those nasty love handles that don't go away and no matter how much you go to the gym, work out, things change as you grow older. Your metabolism changes and it's not as easy as it was back in your 20s. So body sculpting isn't just for women. It's for men too. Absolutely not. I've treated my own brother. I've treated surgeons that we work with at the hospital next door. They'll come by between cases and get treated. Absolutely. Our office, I don't think we're at the point where we're 50, 50 male females but you see there's a... they've documented over and over there's a big growing trend in men having more cosmetic treatment for most surgical and non-surgery. It's less of a stigma than it used to be. Okay, so it's society is becoming... it's becoming more acceptable for men to come and go in there. Absolutely. And we certainly also treat a lot of couples. They'll come in for couples surgery. Do you do discounts? Sure. From time to time we'll do couples therapy, a plastic surgery version of it. Oh wow. You know, some men, you know, in terms of looking at who comes in, sometimes it's men coming in by themselves for the first time, but frequently they're now they have an excuse to come in. They see that their wife is well taken care of. They've already been in the office. They decide, well, well, I'm here. I think I want to talk to you about something. So they come in in a lot of different ways, but no, it's absolutely... 20 years ago you wouldn't see very many men in the waiting room or plastic surgery office. Now it's not uncommon to walk out and see a third of the patients in the waiting room. Oh wow. Well, thank you, Dr. West. Thank you, Dr. Gown. They're from Finesse Plastic Surgery and thank you for changing your view on men in plastic surgery. For more information about what they do, check out their website at finesseplasticsurgery.com. Dr. West, after a minute, I hadn't thought about plastic surgery till recently. I want to kind of look like this because they're starting to droop, but a little perky. What recommendation would you give me? Not a lot. Just make them perky. So we get that question all the time. So if you're happy with your breast size, if you like the way your breast looks when they're in their bra, then the procedure you're probably asking about is a breast lift. And with a breast lift, what we do is we take all of your available tissue and we just reposition it so you look more like you were when you were 20. If it's about being larger and being lifted, then we're talking about implant surgery and a lift. So it really depends on what you look like. So the best thing to really do is you want to schedule a consultation so that somebody can evaluate you. Dr. Gown, I'm going to move with this long. My daughter, surprisingly, has also been hinting around getting a little work done. I'm nervous, okay? As a mother, what should I tell her about plastic surgery? Well, you should tell her that it's a personal decision that she can make on her own. And so you can certainly come in with her when you have the consultation for yourself and with her so we can talk about things in front of each other or if she wants to be more private, schedule a consultation to see us alone. And then we can go through all the options that we would go for augmentation, for breast lift, for anything that she wants. But it's going to be a customized consultation just for her, which is different from what we talk about with you. Because she's actually wanting a reduction about what her friends are going to say because, you know, she's scared of the stigmatism. Is there anything that I can share with her not to be worried about it because she's having a lot of back pain? Well, I think that we actually see the opposite. We find that most women are really self-conscious before reduction because they get teased at their large size. We find that they withdraw from social scenes. We find that they don't participate as much as in any sports. So after-reductional, actually it's one of the procedures that boost the confidence more than anything else we do. It's a great surgery for young women. Gosh, I wish I'd done a reduction sooner. Well, it looks like you guys might get two for the price of one. Thank you for joining us on Every Way Woman. Thank you. Stay with us. We'll be right back. You and Every Way Woman. Welcome back to Every Way Woman. I have our color specialist and high-end fashion specialist, Janice Marshall with us. And we're just going to talk about Janice Marshall. So Janice, tell us why you got into the fashion industry in the first place. Well, I'm a military brat so I've lived all over the world and I was able to get a lot of influence from other places and I think that's important to combine, to become a stylist and to get into fashion. And when I moved back to the States, I saw that Europe was so far ahead and I really wanted to bring the forward thinking into American way of dressing. Now, did you go into fashion as wanting to be a model? Did you go in wanting to be a designer? What was it that brought you in? I went into the fashion industry because I did want to be a model but unfortunately, I didn't go for a not-by-foot-eight so that ended that career and then I wanted to become the next Donna Karen so I went to Virginia Tech and became a fashion designer and just went to Los Angeles instead of New York. So being someone who's really enthusiastic about fashion, what do you see about fashion that can really help or hinder women and their image when it comes to fashion? If you're wearing the wrong color or the wrong fit, I really think that kind of hinders but when you have the right fit and the right color, you can walk out there in the world and just feel confident in anything that you do. Was there anything while you were in fashion that kind of there was a big lesson for you or something that really touched you or... I think it was because growing up I wasn't a confident girl, I just kind of let people beat on me and I just believed everything that people said but when I found out that clothes could make me feel confident and make me that was the biggest lesson. How do you feel about fashion and the impact that it has on young developing girls? Well, I hate to say this because I think some of the fashions that we have now for young girls are a little too provocative and I wish that they could learn how to address more for themselves and cover things up that should be covered up and not give the message that is giving across to what they were. What message is that? I think girls should remain girls for as long as they can and what I mean by that is you don't need a boy you don't need this person or that person and just remain the girl so that you can have your own confidence and go out there. If fashion does impact young girls sometimes in a very positive way and I know you're trying to move it into a very positive way but sometimes it can impact girls in a very negative way and one of the things that we see coming out through fashion is this unrealistic idea of being thin. Yes. How did that impact you? Growing up I was not chunky I wouldn't say but I had compared myself to other girls that were very thin and then that created in me an eating disorder which I struggled with for 15 years and I would really hope that the young girls nowadays would not want to be that thin. It's unhealthy and the physical things that you go through is just horrendous. What were some of the physical things that you went through? My teeth are rotten. I hate to say that they're not rotten I've taken good care of them thousands of dollars. Just now my knees hurt there are certain things that hurt your hair falls out took years to grow it back. What was it, was there a moment when you realized that I have a problem or did someone have to hit you over the head with it? I knew I had a problem but I didn't want to admit to it. I went to rehab when I was very, well not young when I was early 20s signed myself out because I didn't believe that I had a problem and then when I turned 30 and still was dealing with it I knew that I had a huge problem and I had to take care of it. I remember you had mentioned once that there was a moment and it was when you were you were on a table. Yes. Can you tell us a little bit about that moment? I was on a table with another Ed we call it eating disorders Ed friend and she just grabbed my hand whatever you do don't be doing this when you're 30 and I just thought oh I couldn't do that eight years from now I'll be over it but this thing just really destroys you it destroys your heart destroys your life and that was the moment when I turned 30 that I remembered back to that I had to change. Sometimes I know eating disorders really do kind of carry cover a huge umbrella of different types of eating disorders some of them are binge eating you go to the refrigerator at night compulsively sometimes it's about not eating enough do you mind talking a little bit about the type of eating disorder that you be friended? Yes it started out as just over exercising and I would exercise basically five hours a day and then somebody told me in college I hate to say this that there's an easier way and that's how I learned about bulimia which is throwing up it's overeating and then getting rid of it and then finally that became too difficult so I just stopped eating basically my diet was coffee and cigarettes for years so what was your focus on sometimes they say bulimia is associated with being able to fill yourself emotionally and you'll do that with food and then anorexia can be attached to just about being thin yes there is a misperception with that anorexia starts wanting to be thinner but there's kind of like a point where some people go oh this is too hard I'm going to go back to living a normal lifestyle and then there's that line where you just go over and it's just about being in control because your life is so out of control or you were raised in not a control I mean you weren't raised in a family or an experience that was good so you just internalize and it's all about control because you have a very picture perfect type of family right you'll see the pictures on the wall and you would never know that there's this huge river underneath all of that behind that picture do you have any words of encouragement for because right now on the web you'll see things like on YouTube there are young girls who are posting videos of themselves that they want to be thin and they send these pictures out about if their hip bones how far out their hip bones stick out it says how great they look so if they stick out a lot they look great so I mean we would associate that with they have a disorder what would you say to someone who just posted a YouTube video of themselves with their hip bones sticking out an inch and a half past the flat of their belly putting up look how sexy I am what would you say to that person what I would say to that person is it's all about who they are inside and it's not about what they look like on the outside and to continue working on what they are on the inside because that's what's so important and being thin is going to do nothing but destruct their lives and it's not worth it so I have one more question at what age do you think you approached that when I think back I really think it started when I was in about third grade so I'm going to ask you another question what would you say to Janice in third grade what would you say to that girl I would tell her not to worry and that everything was going to be okay and that you don't have to control anything and just enjoy your life thank you thank you for those beautiful words and we will see more of Janice Marshall in the future being our color specialist and fashion expertise thank you are you an every-way woman every-way woman gives back to the community go to everywaywoman.com to find out how you can match our donations of undergarments for needy kids thanks for getting to know every-way woman this has been an every-way woman production I'm an everyday woman woman woman in every-way yeah yeah I'm living my life life life living day by day are you an every-way woman