 Lux presents Hollywood. Lever Brothers Company brings you the Lux Radio Theater, starring Jack Benny and Gail Patrick in Killer Kates. Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. William Keely. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. Very few institutions on the air outdate the Lux Radio Theater. But one of the exceptions is our star tonight, Warkegan's favorite son, Jack Benny. It was 15 years ago that Jack started trying for laughs on the air, and he's still trying. As a matter of fact, we'll have to allow Jack's one of America's top comedians. But tonight, he branches out into a different field in a thrilling piece of action drama entitled Killer Kates. Based on a Warner Brothers screenplay, it was adapted especially for Jack's newly discovered dramatic ability, and costars lovely and talented Gail Patrick. Of course, to get Jack here tonight, we had to add special concessions to the contract, not the least of which was a large sized box of Lux Flakes. In fact, Jack has been counting the contents flake by flake between rehearsals, and the gleam in his eye when he discovered they were all there, could only be matched, I'm sure, by the gleam in a woman's eye when she sees Lux Flakes on her grosser shelf. It's a look that says, all's well that ends with Lux. And now, the Lux Radio Theater presents Jack Benny as Killer Kates, and Gail Patrick as Helen, with Alan Reed as Al Brady. In this rather unusual story, Mr. Benny plays the part of Jeff Morley, sometimes known as Killer Kates. In the opening scene, we find our cold-blooded killer at the door of his old hideaway. Hello, Spangler, where'd I get this door open? Spangler, where have you... Killer, Killer Kates, it's you. Yeah, yeah, Blinky, it's me. Gee, Killer, I didn't know it was you. I was just waiting for Spangler to come back. Spangler ain't coming back. Not coming back. Well, it's certain right, he had it coming. I was gonna knock him off myself. I was, Killer. He's the kind of rat it on you. Yeah? Yeah, Killer, yeah. Gee, it's good to see you back again. When'd you get out? Last night, Blinky, I busted out just to see you and Spangler. I'd just seen Spangler. You busted out? Then your heart? Don't worry, Killer, I'll hide you. You can use my place. So you can put the finger on me like you did last time, eh, Blinky? It wasn't me, Killer, I swear it wasn't me. It was Spangler, I tell you, it was Spangler. He was the kind of, shut up, you lying rat. Honest, Killer, you gotta believe me. I have nothing to do with it. Get down on your knees, Blinky, and start praying. But, Killer, please, you can't do this. On your pal, your friend, we grew up together. We was like brothers, Killer, please give me a break. You didn't give me a break, did you? When you sent me up to the big house to rot in a lousy cell, you weren't satisfied to take over my rackets, you even had to steal my dame. I tell you, I didn't do it, Killer. Everything is just the way you left it, and said, Millie, I didn't steal her. She's still your girl, Killer. She's waiting for you. Where do you want it, Blinky, in the belly or the back? Killer, please give me a chance. I'll, I'll get out of town. Get down on your knees, Blinky. No, Killer, don't, don't. I swear I have nothing to do with this, believe me. Start praying, Blinky. Killer, you can't do it, don't shoot. Blinky, you were my pal once, but you just couldn't keep your nose clean. I gotta get out of here. Come on out, Killer, you haven't got a chance. If you want me, copper, you'll have to come in and get me. Remember me? I'm Killer Gates, couldn't be killed. For me, sure it'd be a hit. Ah, Nathan, start praying, Blinky. Where do you want it, in the belly or the back? Quiet, quiet, quiet, here he comes. Nice show, Mr. Morley. Thanks, Eddie, is my manager around? Yeah, Mr. Brady said he'd wait for you at Breslin' Room. Thanks. Hello, Brady, I want to talk to you. Bye, let's say congratulations, Killer. For what? The 1,000th performance of the man who couldn't be killed. Seems like a million. And stop calling me Killer, will you? It's bad enough I have to play that part without being reminded of it all the time. Well, you've been doing all right for three years now. But can't you see what's happening to me? Every time I have to shoot a gun, I break into a cold sweat. I'm afraid of guns. They're so noisy. Well, you can't bump off Blinky with a water pistol. His makeup will run. Don't be funny. Imagine me a Killer standing there with two guns. You gotta use two guns, Jeff, when we tried it with one gun, you used to put your other hand on your hip. What? Why don't you forget it, Jeff? Did you see the audience out there tonight? Not an empty seat in the house. I tell you, this play is driving me nuts. I have nightmares. I dream that I'm busting out a prison, taking guys for rides, sticking up banks. He is getting so every time I walk down the street and see a policeman, I duck. Look, Jeff, what you need is a nice long rest. Go home and relax. Spend some time with your wife. Play a little golf. This is Saturday. You don't have to be back for the third little Monday night. No, no, Brady. That's not the solution. Don't you understand? I'm a comedian, a comic. All my life, I've been a comedian. I don't wanna play a gangster. I wanna make people laugh. All right, so you're a comedian. What happened when you played comedy? You did a show on Broadway called The Meanest Man in Syracuse, folded in two weeks. I know. And when you went out to Hollywood to make a picture, what was the name of that epic? Oh, the bugle blew at midnight. Well? The audience blew at nine o'clock. So what? I made a mistake. Anybody's entitled to one mistake? Yeah, but you made yours while you were standing in front of a camera. And everybody who saw that picture's a witness. There weren't many, but they're witnesses. Look, Brady, you can talk till doomsday, but I know how I feel inside. For 25 years, I've been doing comedy and that's what I wanna keep on doing. Jeff, what's the use of kidding? As a comedian, you're lousy. You stink. Oh, you and your innuendos. Look at the record. Since you gave up comedy and became killer cakes, look what you got. And a state on Long Island, a butler, three cars, and you're only number 12 in line for a new refrigerator. What more do you want? My peace of mind. That's what I want. And there's no use arguing. I'm getting out of this play while I've still got my sanity, my health. Even if it means those one-night stands again. But, Jeff, boy, think of your wife. Think of Helen. I am thinking of Helen. In the mental condition I'm in, what kind of a husband am I? Well, then think of me. I get 10% of your salary. For the last three years, I've been eating. I live in a nice apartment. I wear good clothes. Don't take those things away from me, Jeff. That's what I thought. All you care about is your 10%. Well, I'm through, so you might as well get out of here, Brady, and start looking for a new killer. Now get out. Out. Okay, okay. Ooh. Ooh, my head. Oh, those awful headaches. Pardon me, Mrs. Morley. What is it, Walters? Mr. Brady telephoned. I told him Mr. Morley was asleep, and he said he'd drop in later on. Oh, thank you, Walters. What time is it? 12.15, madam. That late? I think you'd better wake Mr. Morley now. Yes, madam. Mr. Morley? Mr. Morley? Mr. Morley? Wake up, sir. It's 12.15. Lesson, Scalisey. For now on, you're taking orders from me. Killer Kate C. Mr. Morley? If you don't like it, you get the same thing that happened to Spangler. You'll wind up at the bottom of the river with your feet in a barrel of cement. Mr. Morley, Mr. Morley, wake up. Take your dirty mitts off of me before I... What? Where am I? Oh, it's you, Walters. I'm sorry. I must have been dreaming. Yes, sir. What was I saying? Something about a Mr. Scalisey, sir. You intimated that in the future he was to receive his instructions from you. Hmm, a darn show again. Can't get it off my mind. Other men dream about Lana Turner. I dream about Dillinger. He's not even wearing a sweater. Walters, tell Mrs. Morley I'll be right down. Would you like another cup of coffee, dear? No, thanks. I don't feel like eating. I tell you, Helen, if I don't get out of this show, I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown. Jeff, I've never stood in your way. In the old days, when you were playing Voldemort things were pretty tough. I went along hoping you'd get a break, but you must admit that your act always flopped. Well, I was doing all right until my seal died. That seal didn't die. You're out of works so long we had to eat it. Well. And what we didn't eat, I had to wear. Well, all I know is I was happier then. You know, I had a swell act too. Smart comedy, high class. Gosh, remember how I used to come out in white-planel pants, double-breasted blue coat with brass buttons, straw hat and cane, I'd say? A funny thing happened to me on the way to the theater. A panhandler walked up to me and said, hey, mister, I haven't had a bite all week. So I bit him. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, boy, they used to scream at that. Yes, sir, that act is as good today as it ever was. Only maybe I'd have to bring it up to date, you know, take out those general perching jokes, you know? Then finish with, you remember I used to finish with that imitation of Ted Lewis? Yes, sir, is everybody happy? I don't know, that stuff is sure fire. I like it better when you say, where do you want it, Blinky, and the belly of the back? I know, I know, but look it. Remember just before Brady got me in the play, you'll have to admit I was a sensation in that nightclub in Atlantic City. But you had to work as a lifeguard in the daytime. I didn't have to, I insisted on it. It kept me in condition. Atlantic City, I was terrific there. I got a million laughs. Who wouldn't in that bathing suit? All right. But all right, Jeff, if it means your health and it'll make you any happier, then I'm for it. We'll start all over again, right from the very, very, very bottom. Gee, Helen, you're wonderful. After all, look, we've got what we want. This big house, the butler, three cars. Yes, but when are we going to get the new refrigerator? We're number 12. Oh, Helen, if you only knew how happy I am. I'm the old Jeff Morley again. Oh, kid, when my baby smiles at me. Ha, ha, ha, ha, there's a one. There's someone at the door. Walter's, that's probably Mr. Brady. Show him right in. Yes, madam. Brady, how do you like that? He won't even let me alone on Sundays. Well, I'm glad he's here. I'm going to straighten him out once and for all. Hi, your killer. Hello, Helen. I brought a couple of fellas I want to meet. Shake hands with Bob Stanley and Freddie McCall. How do you do? How are you? Glad to know you're a killer. Yeah, you too, Mrs. Cates. The name is Morley. I'm sorry, but I've seen you on the stage so many times. To me, you'll always be killer, Cates. Oh, no, I won't. Brady, I got news for you. I've talked the whole thing over with Helen and I'm quitting the show. It ain't as easy as that, Jeff. You got a run-of-the-play contract and they won't let you out of it. You can't quit. Then I'll walk out. But, Jeff, can you do that? If he does, you'll never work in a theater again as long as he lives. So that's the way it is. Well, I guess I can't do anything about it. Now you're being smart, Jeff. That play will run another three years. You'll be a millionaire. So what good is money? I'll end up with a gold-plated straight, Jeff. Look, Jeff, when the show closes, you'll have plenty of time to enjoy life. In the meantime, let's cash in. There's a lot of extra gravy around. Gravy? What do you mean? I've finally got you set for a radio deal. Radio? Yeah. Well, that sounds all right. Well, sure. It's a 15-minute program. Five times a week. Stanley and Macaulay have written a terrific script. Well, you hear it. It's dynamite. But won't that interfere with the play? Not at all. It'll be off the air by 8.15. The curtain don't go up till 8.30. You can eat his dinner and a taxi. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Brady. Is this that comedy program you were talking about? No, no. I couldn't get a sponsor interested in that. This one is unnatural. We got the radio rights to the man who couldn't be killed. You're going on the air as killer kates. What? Killer kates on the air? Nothing doing. Now I know this is awful, sudden, Jeff. But the money is sensational. In a couple of years, you'll be able to quit and do comedy for the rest of your life in empty theaters. But look at that. When do you hear this script? Brady, I'm not. Go ahead, fellas. Explain it to me. I'm not going to. Well, the program opens with you in a tough spot. You shoot your way through Scalisi's mob. You kill about eight of them, but the town gets too hot for you. So you take it on the land. Just until the heat is off. You're in a town in Jersey laying low. See for a few days. Then you start a crave action. You go out and you get it. Oh, no, I'm not going to. Then you walk into the Marambo, the biggest nightclub in town. And you tell the boss he's through. But there's a mob there who tries to put the finger on you. But do stage your one-man gang war and you take over. Stop, fellas, please. I tell you, I'm not going to go into it. Then you have to go out and kill a couple of cops. You're running things your way. Scalisi is out to get you. There's a pitchfab. You're the man who couldn't be killed. You'll kill a case. Kill a case. Kill a case. Look, fellas, you're wasting your time. I'm not going to go through. Scalisi's mob. The heat is on. You walk into the Marambo. The Marambo. The Marambo. But the mob puts the finger on you. One thing's your way. You kill two cops. Three cops. Four cops. Ten cops. You'll kill a case. Stop, I tell you. You're driving me nuts. I'm not going to. My head. Jeff. Jeff. Darling, what's the matter? Oh. Molly is fated. In a moment, we'll present act two of Killer Cates, starring Jack Benny and Gail Patrick. Well, Libby, are you all set for the big charity event on Wednesday? Am I? I wouldn't miss it. It's the first world premiere held here in five years. The yearling will make its much-heralded debut that night. That's Metro Gowan Mayer's latest bid for the Academy Award. I hear the picture is as great as the book. Well, the author, Marjorie Kinnon Rawlings, is delighted. The studio showed me a wire from her, saying how thrilled she was with the picture. She thought Gregory Peck and Jane Wyman were perfect casting of the Baxter's. And she loved Claude Jarman, Jr., who plays the part of their son, Jody. From all I've heard, Claude is young Jody to the life, a youngster that really gets at your heart. And those technicolor shots of the Florida Pinewood, they're as outstanding as the cast. What did the stars do for recreation while they were on location in the woods? There must have been some weather delays while they were filming the yearling. Well, Gregory Peck spent his free time fishing. And Jane Wyman spent some of hers knitting. Knitting? Sweaters for herself. She loves them. And she has a special trick for them. Like washing them in Lux Flakes? Well, of course. All smart girls do that, so sweaters keep their fit. One of Jane's tricks is tacking a little shoulder pad. So her sweaters look prim as a blouse. Do you think, Libby, that all the ladies in our audience know how much Lux care does for a sweater? Considering some of the shrunken ones I've seen, I guess not. Well, why don't you tell them how easy Luxing is? Well, all the equipment you need is some mouse-proof pins and a piece of clean wrapping paper. Take your sweater and draw an outline around it on the paper. Then squeeze the sweater in rich lukewarm Lux suds, ever so quickly so as not to felt the wool. Now rinse it well. And this is important. Have the rinse water the same lukewarm temperature as the suds. Next, squeeze out the drippings by rolling the sweater in a bath towel. Then lay it on the outline, pat and push it into shape, and hold it there with pins. When it's dry, it fits. As Libby said, rich suds are important for getting good results with wool. And Lux flakes go a long way. Lux care is really thrifty. Here's your producer, William Keely. We continue with the second act of Killer Cates, starring Jack Benny as Jeff Morley, alias Killer Cates, and Gail Patrick as his wife, Helen. A few moments ago, when we left Jeff Morley, he was flat on the floor with a nervous collapse. Well, he's resting in bed now, while in another room, Dr. Elbron solemnly explains his diagnosis to Jeff's wife, Helen, and his manager, Al Brady. And as I see it, Jeff is suffering from nervous fatigue more than anything else. He needs absolute quiet and a good long rest. Sure, good night's sleep. And he'll be ready to go to work tomorrow. It'll be a long time before he's ready to go back on the stage, Mr. Brady. Several weeks, perhaps. Several weeks? Well, what about the show? Without Jeff, it'll fold up. No, no, we can't do it. Helen, we'll have to get another doctor. Oh, now, wait a minute, Al. I'm not going to sacrifice Jeff for your corny show. You'll have to get yourself another actor. Helen, where can I get an actor cornyer than him? Are there any further instructions, doctor? Yes. Yes, keep all conversation away from that play. Don't even mention the words Killer Cates. Yes, doctor. You see, it's his impersonation of Killer Cates that's brought about this condition. Basically, Jeff is a sensitive type with a natural antipathy to that sort of character, all of which has resulted in these definite symptoms of schizophrenia. What? Schizophrenia, the doctrine of two distinct ultimate substances. It's the disease of the mind, Al. Holy smoke, how did he get it? Well, I've got to call up the newspapers. I'll tell them that Jeff's got skits. I'll tell them he's got two ultimate substances. Who's that? Just me, Jeff. I hope I didn't wake you. Where are you going? Just to open the window. My this room's empty. What's that? Why, nothing, dear, just a car backfiring. Why are you giving me those are gunshots. That must be Scalese's mob. Scalese's mob? Oh, darling, you're having another nightmare. Now get right back in bed, the doctor said. Come here, you. Oh, oh, oh, please. Please, you're twisting my wrist, don't. Oh, sent you here. Darling, darling, you're hysterical. I'll call the doctor. Don't touch that phone. Please, let me go. I will when I get good and ready. Say, you're not a bad looking dish. What's your name? Darling, it's me, Helen. Don't you even recognize me? I never saw you before in my life. But I'm going to make up for lost time. Come here, baby. Give me a kiss. Darling, kiss me again. Happens every time. Anyway, baby, that'll hold you till I get back. Get back? Where are you going? What, do you think I am a sucker? Think I'm going to open up the use so you can tip off the mob and put the finger on me? But I, but darling, what are you doing? Oh, my, I'm getting this closet. Come on. But you can't. Shut up or I'll come in there and slug you. Now to get out of here. Who's that? I didn't know you were up. Dear and I was given orders not to disturb you. Listen, you mug, I'm Killer Kate. I'm giving orders around here, see? Very amusing, sir. Wipe that smile off your kisser. Oh, but wipe it off. Oh, you struck me, sir. This leaves me no alternative. I leave for Reno in the morning. I live there, you know. Where do they keep the scratch around here? What, sir? The scratch, the muller, the money. So why, it's in the safe. Well, leave me to it. But, sir, you know where the, oh! I'll leave you to that safe and don't give me no more of your lip. Yes, sir. This way, sir. There it is, sir, behind the picture. Hey, wait a minute. Who's that mug in the picture? But, sir. Never mind. I can read the nameplate. Jeff Morley, star of stage and screen. What a conceited punk. Yes, sir. Now watch the front door. Let me know if he comes in. Come on, what's the combination of this safe? I don't know, sir. Get out of the way. Out of the way, I can open this tin can with boxing gloves on. A cinch. Look at those bills. 50s, 100s. What a haul. But, sir, don't you understand that you're old? It's for the new refrigerator, sir. I don't care what it's for. Now turn around. Face the wall. Yes, sir. Sir, what are you going to do with that vase? I'm going to... Oh! I guess I should have told him first. Well, that takes care of him. Look out, Scalisey. Here comes Killer Cates. I'm just in time to see Jeff driving away. How do you like that, Doc? Held up his own house and stole his own car. That's awesome. Now, Walters. Yes, Dr. Elbrom. Did Mr. Morley give any indication of where he was going? No, sir. He was most irrational. He said he was Killer Cates. And he asked me where we kept the money. Well, what are we waiting for? Let's call the police. Under no condition will we call the police. But, Doctor, why not? Because Jeff thinks he's Killer Cates. And what does Killer Cates do to policemen? He asks them where they want it. In the belly... Exactly. Oh, then we've got to find him ourselves at once. Well, he's liable to hurt somebody. Hey, you're in Jersey. Heads on. You're walking the ramp. No, Killer Cates. Killer Cates. Killer Cates. Yeah, Killer Cates. Heads on. I've got a gray lull here in Jersey. Then I take over to the biggest nightclub in town. What's that name? The Maramba. Yeah, the Maramba. That's it. Hmm, what's this place? What's the name of this joint? The Pelican Club. Well, I'm looking for the Maramba, the biggest nightclub in Jersey. Maramba. Never heard of it. This is the biggest nightclub in Jersey. Pelican, eh? Well, they changed their name. Well, they ain't fooling Killer Cates. I'm moving in. I'll park your car for you. Oh, no, you don't. See that car where it is? Keep the motor running slow. I'm almost out of gas. You bring for somebody? Who are you? I'm a Mario de Heda waiter. Well, I'm Killer Cates, your new boss, see? From now on, you're taking orders from me. I don't understand. Mr. Norton didn't mention anything about selling the blades. Norton. Who's Norton? He's the boss. Hey, cut that out. I told you I'm the boss. Now get out of my way. Hey, waiter. Waiter, come here. Yes, sir? Who's that tomato out there singing? Peaches Mason, sir. She's the star of the show. Easy on the eyes, ain't she? Waiter, give me a double bourbon. I'll sit down here. But, sir, this table shouldn't do like I told you. Yes, Miss Mason? Who's that tourist at Mr. Norton's table? I don't know. He calls himself the Killer Cates. He said that from now on, he was the boss. Oh, that loud jerk. He almost ruined my number. Why don't you throw him out? You know Mr. Norton don't like any rough stuff when the place is full of customers. Hey, waiter. Bring a double bourbon before I tear this joint apart. Hey, you. What's the big idea? Peaches Mason, eh? I like that name. Sit down, baby. I want to talk to you. Listen, mister, this is Joe Norton's table. And if you know what's good for you, I never join the guest. I said sit down. All right. Keep your voice down. Everybody's staring at us. So what? Let me give you a tip, sister. Keep your nose clean. What? Don't play dumb. You know what happened to Spangler, don't you? At the bottom of the river with his feet and a barrel of cement. Cement? Hard to get nowadays, but I got connections. You know, baby, I like the way you. Double bourbon, sir. Set it right down here. Well, baby, here's to you. You going to drink the rest of it? Nah. I always save a little to fill my lighter. Now listen, baby, I like your looks. See? I like the way you stack up. You're wasting your time, big boy, because I'm Joe Norton's girl. Norton is through washed up. I'm going to wrap up this town, put it in my back pocket. Baby, you just stick with me. You'll have a butler, three cars, and a sealed skin coat. Now, all you got to do is. Excuse me, Mr. Mason, but Mr. Norton would like to see this gentleman in his office. The Norton knows. I mean business, eh? Lead the way, punk. Punk! You hurt me. You hurt me. Get going. Well, Norton's worried, eh? Now, they all worry when a killer moves in. I think I'll change that name. I don't like it. I don't like a lot of things around here. I don't even like. This is it. Mr. Norton, I'd like you to meet the new boss, the gentleman I was telling you about. Me, Mr. Cate. Well, step right in, Mr. Cates. That's all, Mario, and close the door after you. Yes, sir. Now, you're Norton, eh? Who are these two mugs? Oh, excuse me. Allow me to introduce my two assistants, Lefty Ryan and Steve Capurus. Charmed, I'm sure. This is indeed a rare privilege. Mr. Cates, I want to apologize for asking you to come all the way back here, but you see, we don't like to throw anybody out the front door. It gives a place a bad name. All right, Lefty, throw this bum out in the alley. This is indeed a rare privilege. Take your hands off of me. Come on, y'all. Anybody else feel like throwing me out? Oh, what's up, guy? Wait a minute, Steve. All right, Cates, the back door is right behind you. Now, get out. That gun don't scare me, Norton. I'm going to walk over there and take it away from you. Stay where you are, I'm warning you. You can't pull that trigger, Norton. You ain't got the guts. I'm telling you for the last time. One more step and I'll shoot. Go ahead. I'm the man who couldn't be killed. Give me that gun. I got it, Norton. And Killer Cates ain't afraid of you, sir. Killer Cates? That name sounds familiar. That right is familiar. You know something, Norton? I think I'm going to like this new office. Hey, it's a nice looking safe you got there. OK, Norton, open it. But I. I said open it. All right. Don't hit me again. I'll do it. Hey, it's open. Well, come on, come on. Hand over the money. Hey, you, come here and put this door in the satchel. Let me quick about it. Is it all right, boy? I'm the boss around here. Don't what he tells you, Steve. Oh, OK. Well, that's all the money I got. Yeah? What about that 10 bucks? Yeah, but I. Get it out. There's nothing in it. Just a bunch of canceled checks. Well, get it out. I'm taking everything. All right. There. Thanks. I'll get down on your knees, Norton, and start praying. Killer. Killer, please, please, don't shoot. I don't kill me. I don't want to die. I'll do anything you say. Only please don't kill me. You give me a break, will you? Yeah, it didn't give me a break, did you? When you sent me up to the big house to rot in a lousy cell, you weren't satisfied to take over my rackets. You even had to steal my dame. Me? But, Killer, I didn't do any of those things. You got me mixed up with some other guy. You got to believe me, Killer. I swear it wasn't me. Where do you want it, Norton? In the belly or the back? No, Killer, no, please. I'm telling you the truth. I didn't take your business. I opened this place myself six months ago. On a GI loan. Now, wait a minute. And it's for Peaches. Peaches, I didn't know she was your girl. That's right, Killer. He's telling the truth. There's something fishy around it. No, no, no, Killer, Killer, please. Give me a chance. I'll get out of town. I'll do anything you want. All right, Norton. OK, but I'm warning you. You come back, you get the same thing that happened to Spangler. He's at the bottom of the river with his feet and a barrel of cement. Cement? Yeah, I got connections. OK, Norton, I'll blow. Yeah, thanks. Thanks, Killer. I'll grab the next train. I won't come back, Killer. Honest, I won't. Well, see that you don't. Now you, Steve, pick up that satchel and come with me. Oh, OK, Killer, you're the boss. Slow down, will you? You're doing 80 miles an hour. Don't worry, Steve. I'm going to grab that compaddo we took from Norton. OK, boss, it's all in $1,000 packages. There's 10 of them here. OK, take five for yourself. Five Gs for me? Sure. Killer Kates always splits for 50-50 with the guys that work for him. But I wasn't working for you then. You're now, ain't you? Hey, I'll say I am. Five Gs. Oh, boy, am I happy. Where's me harmonica? I don't want no trouble with Petrillo. Five Gs. Wait till I tell the boys about this. The boys? The rest of Norton's mob. They'll all want to wait for you now. OK, well, get them together. Have them bring their artillery. I'm going to take over this town. And I'm going to start tonight. I hear you. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System. Before our stars Jack Benny and Gail Patrick return in act three of Killer Kates, I'd like to present our guest of the evening, an English girl from Australia, lovely blonde Joan Winfield. Presentations hold no terror for Joan because he's already made a bow before one of the most famous audiences in the world, the court of the King and Queen of England. I'm afraid that was a little different, Mr. Kealy. I didn't have to do any talking. I see. What have you been doing since Warner Brothers induced you to come to Hollywood? Well, I've made seven pictures. And when I'm not before the cameras, I'm visiting other sets. Did you see the filming of Warner Brothers' new thriller, the picture of Sydney Green Street and Peter Laurie have just finished? The verdict? Uh-huh. Oh, yes, and it was so exciting. But what impressed me especially on the Warner lot was the lavish sets for their new musical, the time, the place, and the girl. The colors were so right. And that's important in technicolor. I was so interested too in the treadmill used for rehearsing the dance numbers. Well, interesting isn't the word Jack Carson and Dennis Morgan would have used. They covered 20 miles a day on that treadmill. Well, I was amazed that Janice Page and Martha Vickers wore stockings for all that rehearsing. In Australia during the war, we saved stockings for special occasions. Well, of course, Joan, the girl's stockings were luxe. That's why they lasted so long. Girls often get as much wear from one pair of stockings that are luxe as they do from two pairs washed the wrong way. Well, I do know luxe stockings last longer, Mr. Kennedy. Twice as long. A famous laboratory proved by strain tests. They washed identical stockings two different ways. Some women use a strong soap for stockings, you know. Well, stockings washed that way broke down into runs in almost no time. But the stockings that had been washed with luxe lasted twice as long as the others. That extra wear is as good as an extra pair. You're so right, Mr. Kennedy. You can't imagine how wonderful it is to find a box of luxe flakes in the store. Yes, girls everywhere appreciate the extra stocking where luxe gives them. These days, we're not able to make all the luxe women want, but we're doing our best to keep dealers supplied. So keep asking for it. Here's Mr. Keely at the microphone. After the play, we'll invite Jack Benny to step out of his role as Killer Kates and join us for a brief chat with tonight's stars. Here they are in Act 3. Jack Benny as Jeff Morley and Gail Patrick as Helen. For hours now, Helen and Dr. Elbrunn have searched in vain for Jeff. Back at home, they find Al Brady waiting for them, wildly flourishing a newspaper. Helen, Doc, have you read the papers? The papers? No, Al, what did they say? Listen to this. Daring thugs men of Staleville, New Jersey, rain of terror, grip city. According to one of the victims, David Franklin, gas station owner, he had just locked up for the night when four thugs broke in and demanded that he hand over all the money in his cash register. When Franklin resisted, the leader of the thugs threatened him with the same thing that happened to Spangler, asserting that Spangler was at the bottom of the river with his feet continued on page two. With his feet in a barrel of cement. The victim also mentioned that the killer mumbled something about bumping off 11 people so he could be first in line for a new refrigerator. Spangler with his feet in cement? Well, that dialogue's right out of the play. Sure, sure, that's Jeff for it. He really believes he's killer cakes. Oh, he got a starving before he goes, does any more damage, oh poor Jeff. Come on, we'll use my carts, only an hour's drive to Daleville. Gosh, Jeff must have made a pilot dough with those gangsters. I hope nothing happens to my husband. Hope nothing happens to my 10%. Like the house. Not bad, Steve. Think we'll spend a little lettuce and fix it up. Put bulletproof glass in the windows, get some steel shutters and doors, and we'll have the classiest joint on the south side. Wouldn't Norton be burned up if he knew he was using his summer house for a hideaway? Well, I sure got a hand it to you, killer. You certainly get action in a hurry. First you take over Norton's club, then his gang. Now you've even got his house. Yeah, you left out something else, peaches. Yeah, what's that? I got his girl, too. Come here, baby. Let the killer take off some of that lipstick. You're terrific. And there's more where that came from. Now look, baby. Nobody knows you're true in with us, see? So you run into a case to club. Give it to once over. I want to make sure that Mario's keeping his nose clean. Okay, killer. Wait a minute. What's this 10 bucks here? Well, that's the thing we took from Norton Save, killer. You know, he said it was just canceled checks. Well, let's have a look at it. That checks all right. Pay to the order of John Graham, $5,000. Signed Joe Norton. Pay to John Graham, $2,500. John Graham, $3,000. Say, who is this mug John Graham? Oh, he's the mayor. Norton was paying him off. What? Hey, and this is the best hall yet. Give me an envelope. What are you gonna do, boys? I'm gonna send these checks to the district attorney. What? Sure. When the DA gets these checks, he'll go right after the mayor. The politicians start fighting among themselves. The cops won't know which way to turn. I can put this town on my back pocket. Here, mail this, peaches. Oh, gee, killer. Oh, you think of everything. Yeah. I just thought of something else. Before you go, let me take off some more of that lipstick. Hey, I like the taste of that. You keep putting it on, and I'll keep taking it off. Come on, let's do it again. Hey, Graham, I'm on a spot. You gotta get me off. You can do it, you're the mayor. I'm sorry, Norton. Election's only two weeks away. I have my own troubles not to mention the gambling ship. You're gonna have a lot more trouble if this killer Kate stays on the loose. I'm supposed to be out of town right now. I'm likely to be bumped off any minute. We all have to take a bath sometime, Joe. Maybe it's your turn to be washed up. Oh, yeah? Well, if I go to the clean as you're going with me. What do you mean? Wouldn't a DA be surprised to find our honest mayor gets 15% of all the take in this town? And how's he going to find out? There's a little matter of a few canceled checks that I made out to you. They're gonna look very pretty in court. You wouldn't dare turning those checks. You're in it as deep as I am. Killer Kate's isn't, and he's got the checks. What? You heard me. He stole them out of my safe. This DA's been gunning for me for five years, and if he ever gets his hands on those checks, huh, can't let the police get hold of them either. I don't trust the commissioner. I think he's honest. There's only one way to do it, but it's going to cost a few grand. I'll have to put a new mob together and get Killer Kate. How much will it take? Oh, about 10 Gs. Very well. Just don't spend any more than you have to. Remember, it's the taxpayers' money. You'll watch a step around this club. Don't worry about me, peaches. I don't want my feet in the cement, even if it's grum and Chinese. What? Did you forget what happened to Spindler? Pardon me, but I wonder if you could give us some information. We're looking for a man who calls himself Killer Kate's. Well, I mean, did you think you'd find him here? Well, we've been to every nightclub in town. You see, we have reason to believe he'd be at one of them. Huh? Who are you? I'm his wife. His what? He never told me he was married. Well, then you know him. Oh, please, tell me. Where is he? If I find out, he's been to a crime. It's vitally important that we find this man immediately. You see, there are a few things we have to straighten out with him. Yeah, I got a few things to straighten out with him myself. OK, come along, follow me. Beaches, you're playing with the dynamite. No, no, no, Killer, I got to know where I stand. Peaches, hmm, what a doll. There's nobody in the play like that. Jeff must be Ad Libben. Well, he can't be altogether out of his mind. No, sir. Who is it? Me, Peaches. Ah, it's about time you got back. Yeah. Come on in, Mrs. Kate. Mrs. Kate? Hey, wait a minute. Who's the company? Yeah. Who's that twist in the two mugs? Jeff. Oh, Jeff, it's me, Helen. Don't you even recognize me? Jeff. Nobody hear about that name. Say, I remember you now. You're Scalese's mom. Jeff, snap out of it. Please, Jeff. It's Helen, your wife, the girl you married. Think back. Remember our honeymoon. Niagara Falls, those gin-rummy games. Hey, what is this? What about it, Killer? What about that line you was handing me about us getting married? Shut up. I'm not shutting up until I find out where I stand. Oh, you and your seal-skin coat. Fuckin' your lip before I let you have it. I ought to do it anyway for bringing these monkeys in here. Oh, Jeff, please. Wait a minute, Helen. Let me do the talking. Now, Jeff, you're going to listen to me. And you're going to listen to this. Out like a light killer, you sure pack a mean wallop. What do you want to do with these other phony? Calm out. Wait a minute, Jeff. Try to concentrate. This is Dr. Elburon talking to you. I'm your friend. And I'm Helen. Look at me, darling. Look at me. I am looking at you. You're not bad. Steve. Yeah, Killer? I changed my mind. Just throw these two mugs out. I'm going to keep the dame. Oh, no, you don't. I say she goes. You stay out of this. Well, you can't talk to me like this. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You don't have to fight, girl. There's enough of me for both of you. Well, I don't. Fuckin' A. I told him to get out of town. He wants action. He came to the right place. Jeff, stay away from that window. Oh, they got the killer. Is he hit bad? I don't know yet. Oh, Dr. Elburon, help me take Jeff into the other room. Hey, peaches, did you stir Norton's mob over here? No. No, I didn't see. I didn't. Hey, look, you've got to believe me. And we'll talk about that later. Stay with him, boys. We can't let the killer down. Here, here. We're just laying down on this couch. There. Dr. Elburon, is Jeff, is he hurt badly? It's a flesh wound. The bullet grazed his temple. Oh, look, he's coming too. Jeff, are you all right? Helen, get a glass of water. Yes, doctor. What's this? I'm bleeding. Take it easy, Jeff. Take it easy. It's only a scratch. You'll be all right. Here's the water, doctor. Yes, thanks. Now, take this pill, Jeff. It'll make you feel better. Helen. Oh, doctor, he's himself again. The sudden shock did it. Now, how do you feel now, Jeff? See, I had the most terrible nightmare. I dreamt that I was killer Caiton. I went to New Jersey. I met a man named Norton. I mixed up in a gang war. He was awful. Jeff, it wasn't a dream. What? No dream? No, Jeff, you actually did all those things. You were out of your mind. What's the noise? What's the shot? It's Norton's, man. They're shooting at us. Your gang's outside in the other room. What are we going to do? We'll all be killed. Where's Brady? Get Brady. He always knows what to do. I'm afraid he can't help us now. He can't help us. I thought you were killer Caiton. Knocked him off. There's only one thing to do, Jeff. You've got to go out there and pretend you're killer Caiton. Me? It's our only chance to get out of this mess. I can't do it. Look, I'm liable to get killed. Doctor, we can't send Jeff out there. But don't you see if those men find out that Jeff isn't killer Caiton. They're fearless leader who got them into this predicament. They'll turn on him in a second. He's right, Jeff. You have to go through with it. But what can I do? I'm a coward. I'm not even a brave coward. I mean, I'm afraid. Get out there and try to call off this gang war. Make peace with Norton. Give him back his gang, his nightclub. And his girl. Promise him anything that will get us out of here alive. Can you do it, Jeff? Sure I can. I'm an actor. I'll give them the best performance they've ever seen. Give me that gun. Now, I'm killer Caiton. The man who couldn't be killed. From now on, I'm giving orders around here. See? How'd you like that? Oh, that's fine, Jeff. But you better use two guns. Your hand was on your hip again. No, go on out there, Jeff. And darling, please be careful. Well, I thought he was done for. And now we'll show Norton who's born. Yeah, give it to him. I mean, give it to him. Well, why not every one of them? Stop, boy, stop him. Don't let him in. For my sake, boys, you've got to protect the old killer. Save me. Hey, there's something wrong with the killer, isn't there? Yeah, not once in the last half hour has he mentioned what happened to Spangler. Don't stand there gossiping. Shoot back. All right, nobody move. We've got you covered. Oh, OK, you win, Norton. Drop your guns. Well, you're not so tough now, are you, killer? Look, Mr. Norton, there's been a great mistake. I'm not really a killer at all. I'm an actor. What are you trying to pull? That's right, Mr. Norton. I can prove it. I'm his wife. And I'm his doctor. I have certified this man was suffering from schizophrenia and not accountable for his actions. Yeah, that's it. My name is really schizophrenia. I mean, I mean, Jeff Schizzi. I mean, Schizzi Morley. Look, how could I be a killer? It's only a joke. But please, please believe me. You can't talk your way out of this. Hey, what's this? Aiding behind a couch, huh? Come on out, peaches. Joe, Joe, you've got to listen to me. I was for you all the time. Get up, you little double-crosser. I'll take care of you later. Please, please, Mr. Norton. I'll do anything you want. I'll give you anything if you'll only let me out of here. Believe me, I'm not Killer Kate. Shut up. Yes, sir. Now wear those cancel checks you stole from my safe. Checks? I don't remember any checks, sir. He's lying, Joe. I know where they are. The killer mailed them to the DA this afternoon. Then they've been already picked up. They must be in the post office by now. What are we doing there, Joe? We've got to get those checks before they reach the DA. We're going to crack the post office. The post office? But, Joe, that's federal stuff. We don't want to fool around with that federal stuff. Don't worry. We're not going to do it. Hey, you. Who, me? Yeah, you. You're going to crack the post office. No, no, no, no. Helen, doctor. Don't let him take me. Ouch. I'm doing the slapper now. Let me take these people downstairs, lock them in the cellar. No, no, no. Come on, come on, everybody. Get moving. What about me, Joe? You're going to take me with you, ain't you? No, no, Peaches, you and me, we're through. Now, come on, killer, you're going to crack the post office and get those canceled checks. I won't do it. How would I tell you? Put down that gun. What's the matter, killer? Are you yellow? No. No, I'm not yellow. Then why are you shivering? It's that darn cold strike. Isn't it awful? You know, personally, I think. Shut up. Yes, sir. Come on, boys, let's go. Goodbye, Peaches. Oh, he thinks he's through with me, huh? We'll see about that. I'm going to kill two birds with one phone call. Hello? Operator, get me the police department. Push me around, will they? Hello? Look, I'm giving you a tip. Killer Cates and Joan Norton are on their way downtown to hold up the post office. What? Oh, never mind who this is. That's a very dear friend of theirs. How long has he been in the post office, Steve? 15 minutes. Long enough to get those canceled checks. Come on, boys, we're going in and get them. Killer, your time is up. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Norton. I've been looking all through these mail bags. I can't find the canceled checks. Honest, I can't. Where do you want a killer in the belly or in the back? In the belly, in the back. I mean, at any point, I'm ticklish in both places. I mean, honest, I couldn't find the checks. What's that you got in your hands? Just some old letters I found. Let me see them. I can't stand Jack Benny because... I can't stand him in there. Honest, I can't. Honest, I can't. All right, killer, this is your last chance. OK, OK, don't shoot. You got us. Run him on, men. Norton, where's Killer Cates? There he is on the floor. Looks like we got him, Chief. Yep, that's Killer Cates, all right. And he's supposed to be a tough guy. What do you mean, Chief? Isn't he dead? Dead, nothing, he fainted. Anyway, Helen, as soon as the shooting started, I pretended I was hit and dropped to the floor. The chief of police said you fainted. I was only acting. Well, your acting was so good, it took them four hours to bring you two. Well, I might have overacted a little, you know. Jeff, are you sure you're well enough to do the show tonight? Never felt better my life, Doctor. You know, somehow I'm looking forward to playing Killer Cates again. I guess it's because I feel that now I've actually lived the part. Jeff, I'll never forget the way you kissed me when you thought you were Killer Cates. Then let's refresh your memory, Helen. You mean like that? Well, no. But I'd rather have you this way. Jeff, I'm so glad nothing happened to you because... Because... What, Helen? Well, Doctor Newton. Doctor? Doctor, what is it? While you were gone, they delivered the new refrigerator. Come on, let's make some ice cream. First, it was knowledge, Sally. Did you know, Mr. Kennedy, that once it was a great honor to take care of worms? What kind of bait is this? Well, there's a tradition that back in 500 B.C. in China, the court ladies used to draw lots. And the lucky ones could take care of the silkworms in the court silkworm nursery. I know the Chinese were the first people to reel silk off the cocoons. And were probably the first people to wear any sort of silk under things, too. It's too bad they didn't have lux flakes then to take care of their silks and under things. But aren't we lucky to have lux? I'm sure you are. Especially now that there's so much pretty lingerie back in the stores again. Mm, real silk and the most luscious lacy rayons. I wouldn't dream of washing them any way but the lux way. And that pays, Sally, because lux care keeps under things color-fresh and lovely three times as long. The lux people have actual tests made by an impartial laboratory to back up that statement. When they compared, the lux slips in the 90s were those washed the wrong way with a strong soap. They found an amazing difference. The lux ones were so much brighter and newer looking. Back to Mr. Keely and our stars. It's time for our stars to take a bow. I'm right here, Bill. Jack, please, let me finish. It's curtain call time and here are the stars who gave us such a thrilling evening of suspense and drama. Jack Benny and Gail Patrick. You know, Jack, now that it's over, I can honestly say you gave us a superb example of dramatic acting. Really brilliant. Well, thanks, Bill. I guess there's no room for argument there. Now do I get to keep my soul? You certainly do. Jack, may I say something, too? Certainly, Gail. What is it? You ought to play more romantic roles in pictures. Me, romantic roles? Sure, Jack. When you kissed me, it was wonderful. Really? When it comes to kissing, you could teach a lot to Robert Taylor and Clark Gable to her own power. I know, but I feel so silly kissing them. Oh, say, Bill, as long as you like my work so much, I've got another great script, a magnificent dramatic piece for next week. You mean for Lux? No, for Money. I mean for the Lux Radio Theatre, yeah. But, Jack, we've already got to play in cast for next week. Well, maybe you could postpone them and use my play instead. It's another great thriller. I play another fellow who's cold, calculating, ruthless. Ruthless. Ruthless, yeah, ruthless. I always make that same mistake. But, Jack, next week is the night before Christmas Eve, and, naturally, we're bringing our audience something very much in the holiday spirit. What's it going to be, Bill? A bright and sparkling musical starring one of the most popular singers in America, Dick Hames. Costard with Dick are two of our favorites, Marino Hatter and Barry Sullivan. Appearing in 20th Century Fox's recent screen hit, Do You Love Me? It's a story of comedy, music and romance with Dick Hames bringing you the songs that helped to make the screenplay so successful. Oh, it sounds like a wonderful play for the holidays, Bill. I'm sure your audience will love it. I agree, but how about my play, Bill? What about the week after next? You have that set, too, haven't you, Bill? That's right. Well, how about the week after that? Jack, I'm afraid we're all booked up for the third week, too. Well, look, Bill, will you call me any time in the next few months? I'll be waiting to hear from you. Sure, Jack. Do I have your number? You don't need my number. I'll be waiting in the wings. Okay, Jack. And for tonight, at least, our most sincere thanks. Good night. Good night. Good night, Bill. Oh, Bill, Bill, by the way, I don't like to bring this up, but it's close to the holidays and every little bit helps. Well, you know, haven't I got something coming to me for tonight's performance? Oh, yes, Jack. Where do you want it? In the abdomen or in the back? In the side part. Lever Brothers Company, the makers of Lux Flakes, join me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday evening when the Lux Radio Theatre presents Moreno Harrah, Dick Hames, and Barry Sullivan in Do You Love Me? This is William Keely saying good night to you from Hollywood. It's pretty good to find more meat in the stores these days, isn't it? Well, that means you'll have more used fat to turn in for cash. Now, there are two good things about that. You get more money because lots of dealers are paying higher prices for used fats, and besides that, you're helping to make the things you want. Soak as well as cars, refrigerators, electrical appliances and such things. So, long as the oil supply stays short, please save every drop of used fat and turn it in. Gail Patrick will soon be seen in Republic Pictures, The Plainsman and the Lady. Heard in our cast tonight where Alan Reed is Brady, Gerald Moore is Norton, Gigi Pearson is Peaches, Gail Gordon is Dr. Elberon, Norman Field is the Mayor and Eric Snowden, Herbert Bygren, Edwin Max, Eddie Marr, Ed Emerson, Jane O'Vello, Dick Ryan, Ken Christie, Charles Seal and Franklin Parker. Our music was directed by Louis Silvers. This program is broadcast to our men and women overseas through cooperation with the Armed Forces Radio Service. And this is your announcer, John Milton Kennedy, reminding you to tune in again next Monday night to hear Do You Love Me with Dick Hames, Marina Herrera and Mary Sullivan. Yes, it's Sprye for the most delicious Christmas eggnog pie you ever tasted. See the Sprye ad in December women's magazines for the amazing Can't Fail way to make flaky tender pastry every time. You'll hear him say. Mmm, wonderful. The reason why? S-P-R-Y. For all you bake and fry, rely on Sprye. Be sure to listen in next Monday night to the Lux Radio Theatre presentation of Do You Love Me with Dick Hames, Marina Herrera and Mary Sullivan. And why not tune in a half hour earlier to hear Joan Davis. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.