 SCP-662 Object Class Safe Special Containment Procedures SCP-662 should be kept in its red velvet line case and stored in high-value storage locker 23C, located at ██████, when not being utilized for testing or other appropriate activities. The item itself is safe to handle and poses no known threat to any kind, though the effects generated could be considered highly valuable and variably powerful depending upon how the SCP is used. Description SCP-662 is a small silver hand-bell, 4 cm tall and 2 cm in circumference. The bell is missing its ringer. Within the inside of the bell, an inscription has been etched into the silver, reading, Forever Mine, SJW. The bell is susceptible to damage, however given its safe nature, destruction has been deemed unnecessary. As is made of very pure silver, it requires regular polishing to remain without tarnish. When the bell is shaken as if to ring it, a soft chime can be heard, although it does not come from the bell. A short, well-dressed Caucasian butler of self-proclaimed British heritage called himself Mr. Deeds will appear from the nearest area not within line of sight, usually from around the corner. Mr. Deeds will address the ringer of the bell by their appropriate title and last name and ask what it is that they desire. His knowledge of individuals' last names and titles of the mystery, as he himself will purport, please see interview log 662-L1 for further details. This reasonable request given to Mr. Deeds will result in satisfaction, however, there are limits to what he can do. He is unable to produce very complex items such as sports cars, luxury homes, or personal jets. If he is allowed to leave line of sight in return, he is able to produce smaller, less complex items such as a ham sandwich, a glass of iced tea, or even more luxurious items like caviar or a brick of gold. A list of notable items to butler has thus far been able to provide to those who ringed the bell may be found in Addendum 662-A1. Mr. Deeds will also perform menial tasks such as washing vehicles, preparing food, and cleaning bathrooms. If a request is deemed unreasonable or impossible by the butler, he will kindly tell the ringer so and offer an alternative if one may be had. The butler is not immune to ill actions taken against him while in sight. He has been killed or injured in multiple tests and will remain either dead or injured until he is out of sight. Upon return with the ring of the bell, all previous injuries will have vanished and he will be groomed and well dressed in his uniform and ready for the next order. The more detailed explanation of the jobs he can perform and the limits to which he may be put can be found in the aforementioned interview log 662-L1. Test logs relating to his ability to heal himself and those of the properties of the bell may be accessed by any level 2 or higher personnel. All attempts to catch Mr. Deeds disappearing have failed, as the equipment will either fail or he will find a suitable, unobserved spot. Addendum 662-A1 Items and tasks requested and Results of items Nearly any conceivable kind of sandwich. Human flesh have been requested of lunch being politely denied. Beverages also of nearly any kind, as of a sandwich being human blood have been requested and denied. Pig blood, however, was served promptly, still warm. A brick of 99.98% pure gold, Mr. Deeds produced a brick of 99.14% pure gold and apologized for being unable to provide the requested purity. A brick of 99.24% pure silver, a nuclear bomb politely denied. A hand grenade of modern U.S. military grade which performed as expected in testing. A blue 1963 Corvette convertible politely denied. The board game monopoly which Mr. Deeds won in the first playthrough. A Faber J. Egg politely denied. SCP-███ politely denied. A bouquet of fresh-picked red roses, a bouquet of wild-term busties politely denied, and a warm busty is not an actual known type of flower. Tasks Cleaning a Dr. Merce car performed near perfection. Washing of dishes accumulated from a day's worth of meals from the cafeteria level of ██████ performed to much higher standards than usual. Trimming of Dr. Merce hair performed but it turns out that Mr. Deeds is not in fact a very good barber. Washing of Dr. Merce laundry performed in the clothing found to fit better in Dr. Merce estimation. Assassination of Osama bin Laden politely denied. Mr. Deeds claimed bin Laden was too well guarded and entrenched but could not or would not get further details. Assassination of a D-class individual or room over performed with vicious precision using a buck-knife to the throat. Note, further tests for regard to Dr. Merce's personal effects would be forbidden unless approved by 1 level 5 overseer. You've been warned, Dr. Merce, O5-███. SCP-662 was discovered in possession of a petty thief and grave robber in ████ USA. The thief was in the process of selling SCP-662 to a pawn shop in the mentioned town when the bell was accidentally rung by the pawn shop attendant. Mr. Deeds appeared from the storage area behind the counter and promptly addressed the attendant. Believing that he was about to be robbed by the two men, the attendant overreacted and managed to get hold of a sawed-off shotgun from under the counter. Mr. Deeds was fatally wounded by the attendant and died on scene. The thief escaped but was apprehended by Foundation agents after a week-long search of surrounding towns. Under questioning, the thief revealed that he found the bell in its box in the grave of ████, located on the outskirts of the above mentioned town. He was then remitted for D-class personnel assignment and subsequently perished during testing of SCP-███. The bell did not come under the purview of the Foundation until after the crime seen as subsequent transportation of Mr. Deeds' body to the local morgue. After the disappearance of the body from the morgue, an agent was sent to investigate the possible outbreak of SCP-███ or other unknown necrotic, reinvigorating cause. Mr. Deeds reappeared in the case file item storage room of the local constabulary after the bell was handled by Sergeant ██. He was quickly apprehended and agent ██ took him into custody three hours after reappearance under the guise of an FBI agent. In the handcuff Mr. Deeds once again disappeared, the agent intuited that the bell itself may have something to do with the string of incidents, and after acquiring it and testing proved his hunch, brought the bell back to ████ for further testing. Agent ████ was awarded an official Foundation pat on the back plaque for his handling of the incident and lack of self-serving interest once he discovered what the bell and Mr. Deeds were capable of. To log 662-L1, an interview with Mr. Deeds, the entity associated with SCP-662, Dr. Murth, good afternoon, Butler, good afternoon, Dr. Murth, how may I be of service? Firstly, may I have your name? Certainly, you may call me Mr. Deeds. Is that your real name? It is not my birth name, no sir. What would that be? And where were you born? Unfortunately, I cannot remember my full name, sir, nor am I positive in my birth place, though I do believe it to be located in England. Do you recall when you were born, Mr. Deeds? I am truly sorry to disappoint you again, sir, but I do not recall that either, though it must have been some time ago, for I don't believe that I was born in this era. Can you approximate it? Again, sir, I apologize for my lack of self-knowledge, I'm a bit of a shut-in, as you know. Mr. Deeds nodded at the bell and smiled. What is the earliest mode of transportation that you can recall seeing in person or utilizing from the past? There's some buggy, sir, although the bicycles were just becoming a fad with the wealthy if I recall correctly. Quite took off, didn't they, sir? Smiled again. You didn't call me sir any longer, I appreciate it, but it's becoming a bit grating. Very well. Why do you suppose that you cannot remember these things? I… I can't quite say. Mr. Deeds shifted his weight in his chair and looked a bit uncomfortable for a moment before resuming his posture, or is it that you may or will not say? That may be the case, yes, perhaps I may not say, though again begging your pardon I do not recall why that is. Very well. Moving on. Where is it that you go to when you fetch items for those you serve? Well you see, uh, the face of Mr. Deeds contorted momentarily in this he was in great pain before he quickly resumed a more relaxed visage, I don't actually recall that either. Why do you wince when I ask these kinds of questions? I do not know. Never mind that for now, we'll get answered eventually, now then I have a request. I would like a glass of iced tea and grab a glass of it for yourself if you'd like. What kind of iced tea would you prefer? Surprise me. Certainly. Mr. Deeds stood and walked to the door of the interrogation room and tried to handle, finding it locked. He turned and smiled at Dr. Murth. What seems to be the problem? I must leave your presence to do as your request. Why is that? Visibly uncomfortable again. It just is, Dr. Murth. Okay, open the door, Agent Graves. Mr. Deeds left the room. He proceeded down the hallway under visual surveillance via camera and Agent Graves. He paused momentarily at another door, shook his head, looked up at the camera, and then at Agent Graves. Then he ran down the hallway around the corner. Agent Graves did not follow as he had been instructed to remain on guard at the door of the interrogation room. Still under camera surveillance, Mr. Deeds proceeded quickly down the next hall and continued through the halls of the complex, presumably searching for an exit or area not under surveillance. Finally, he stopped halfway down Corridor 2-D. At this point, all three cameras in Corridor 2-D malfunctioned, including two that were hidden. Exactly three minutes later, the cameras resumed normal functioning, revealing Mr. Deeds standing in the same position, but wore the tray holding two glasses of iced tea in hand. He then quickly made his way back to the interrogation room. Ah, you have a return. I was beginning to worry. My apologies for the delay. Finding a way out was troublesome, but not to worry. I brought the tea just as you asked. I do hope you enjoy it. What kind of tea is it? Southern style sweet tea. Mr. Deeds placed a glass in front of Dr. Murth and resumed his seat at the other end of the table. Dr. Murth hesitantly sniffed the tea, smiled, and took a sip. Quite good, Mr. Deeds. In fact, this is perhaps the best sweet tea I've ever had. Delicious. Did you make it yourself? I do dislike disappointing you, Dr. Murth, but I do not recall. I assume that I did, but alas, my mind is not what it used to be. You've only been gone, looked at the watch. About ten minutes, Mr. Deeds. Are you telling me your memory is so terrible that you cannot remember what happened ten minutes ago or the time between? I recall looking for a way out, and I recall returning with the tea, but that is all. But not how or where you required the tea? Unfortunately no, with visibly uncomfortable again. Very well. I have another request. As you wish. I would like a bar of gold. What percentage of pureness would you like? 99.98% if you please. That may be possible. Let me see what I can do. We'll disable the cameras in the hall outside, and Agent Graves will wait in the interrogation room with me to make your trip a little faster this time. Very much appreciated. Shall I? Yes. Mr. Deeds exited into the hallway where the cameras were not turned off with the suggestions of Dr. Murth. He paused for a moment, looked at the closest camera, shook his head, and began traveling through the hallways of the complex as before. In Corridor-2B he paused, and once more all cameras, hidden or visible, in the corridor malfunctioned. Exactly ten minutes and thirty-seven seconds later, the cameras began functioning again, only to show Mr. Deeds once again in the same position, with a bar of gold in one hand. He then returned to the interrogation room. I took a bit longer than last time. Any reason? Well, it seemed that the cameras in the hallway remained on, so I had to find a suitable way out again. I apologize for the delay. Also, I was not able to acquire a bar of gold to the pureness that you requested, by assuring you this bar is 99.14% pure. Very impressive. We will be testing it. I'm sure you know. I did not know that you would, but it makes sense, I suppose. Will there be anything else, Dr. Murth? Yes, for your next task, I would like you to acquire for me a blue 1963 Corvette convertible. I'm quite sorry, sir, but that is not possible. Why not? I really want one. Again, I cannot say why, except that I just know that one cannot be gotten via my methods. And what are those methods? I do not recall. Very well. I would like a Faberge egg. Any will do. Ah well, regretfully that is impossible as well, and I suppose you cannot say why? That is correct. How about some caviar? Any brand or type will do. I can do. Mr. Deeds once more entered the hallway outside the interrogation room. This time, the cameras returned off with the visual confirmation of Mr. Deeds' entry into the hall. One minute later, the cameras returned back on, but Mr. Deeds had already returned to the interrogation room at this point. That was considerably faster, Mr. Deeds. It only took you thirty-two seconds, and the caviar is quite good. I am pleased to hear it. One more thing before we end this session, Mr. Deeds. As you wish. I requested you to assassinate Osama bin Laden. I am afraid that cannot be done this time, Dr. Merk. Perhaps someone closer and less heavily guarded? Very well. Let's make it the gentleman in the next room over. Indeed. Mr. Deeds once again entered the hallway. After visual confirmation, the cameras were momentarily turned off. When turned back on, they revealed the door to the next interrogation room down shutting. The cameras in that interrogation room showed Mr. Deeds entered the room with a large bug knife hidden behind one arm. Mr. Deeds approached a waiting D-Class personnel and deftly split his throat with one quick motion of the knife. Mr. Deeds watched as the D-Class personnel went through the motions of death, avoiding their attempts to grab him. Once the D-Class individual was visually presumed dead, Mr. Deeds returned the interrogation room from whence he came. The deed is done then. Indeed, here is the knife I used as proof. Why could you do this thing but not the utter? I cannot say except to note that I simply knew one was impossible while the utter was not. So you don't know how you know things like my last name or my title, or whether or not a certain task is possible? That is correct. Very well. I believe we are done here for now, but for one thing, Agent Grades will have some questions for you now. Some you may have been asked by me already and some new ones. I would advise you to answer them, for he will be relentless in seeking the answers. I will do as best as I can. We shall see. Dr. Merck left Mr. Deeds in the care of Agent Grades at this point, who proceeded to interrogate the butler using various methods of torture and provocation for twenty-two hours. At the end of the session, Mr. Deeds was killed via evisceration of the lower abdomen and removal of various internal organs. No further information regarding where Mr. Deeds goes, how he leaves, or the methods by which he acquires the thing he does, nor how he knows whether a task is impossible or not was garnered despite Agent Grades' best efforts. A post-mortem examination of the body revealed to be ordinary in every way, though it is noted that Mr. Deeds will not suffer from any noticeable disease or physical condition and was in fact in near perfect health at a time of death disregarding the trauma incurred during interrogation. The contents of his stomach consisted of a bit of Southern-style sweet tea, normal stomach asses, and no more. Mr. Deeds' body was then left on the operating table while the lights in the room and camera returned off. All personnel left the room and upon return, no trace of Mr. Deeds, be it blood or the instruments used, or other physical traces such as organs removed, let alone the actual body remained. Further ringing of the bell to summon Mr. Deeds results in the appearance after three minutes. He showed no signs of injury and was well-dressed once more in a modern uniform commonly worn by butlers. He could not as expected recall how he managed to survive. He was then ordered to give Dr. Merck the full body massage, to which he performed much to Dr. Merck's satisfaction, who claimed it was the best damned rubdown I ever had. My back pain is completely gone.