 Well, a very good morning to you. Thank you so much for sticking with us right here on Y254 TV. This is your number one youth station. My name is Ram Aguco. Thank you so much for tuning in. We are coming to you live from the broadcasting house here in Nairobi, Kenya. We are also streaming live through our website and that's at www.kabc.co.ke4 slash Y254. This is Power Talk. It's a pleasure being with you today on this fine Thursday morning. And of course, even as we want to talk about matters concerning you, remember, I repeat, of this year is again every Thursday at 10 p.m. Okay. And as I said, my name is Ram Aguco. It's a pleasure being with you today right here on Power Talk. Today, let's talk about mental health. Does people's opinion about you matter? I know, and this is the answer that I will always get. It doesn't matter, people say. That's the answer that I will always get. But the truth of the matter is the reason why people get into depression is because of people's opinion. The reason why people commit suicide is because of people's opinion. One reason why people get into disagreements with friends is because of people's opinion. Gossip, name them. Aren't those people's opinion? So ladies and gentlemen, let's call us paid as paid and talk about your mental health right here on Power Talk to help us in this particular discussion here. I'm with to my far right, Andrew Kimani. He is a professional photographer and a DJ. Thank you. How are you feeling, ma'am? I'm fine, but I don't know. Timothy, I copy Timothy. Timothy, can you do something here? But thanks so much for coming, my brother. Thank you for having me. And of course, I am with to my immediate right. Thank you so much for having me. How are you feeling? I'm feeling good. I'm feeling excited. I'm also thinking like we're saying not to worry about people's opinions. And we're here going to be asking for your opinion. So I don't know. I love that. It doesn't matter, people say, but we want to hear what you want to say. Yeah, let us know what you think. Yeah, it's kind of like double standard. Yeah, it's a mess. But thanks so much for coming. I appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. And of course, we invite your feedback from home. This is matters concerning your health in terms of your mental health. Does people's opinion matter? And how has people's opinion affected your relationship? How has people's opinion affected your school, your choice of academic? Do you know what the truth is? Because of people's opinion, they tell your parents, no, this school is the best school, or this course is the best course. And your parents tell you, you know what? Uncle So-and-so told me that this is not a good course for you to take. Don't take journalism. Yeah. And you end up not taking that. Does people's opinion matter? The hashtag is part of Sean Twitter at Ram Aguco. That is my handle. Tag me and follow me on all social media platforms at Ram Aguco. The official station handles at Y254 channel. Head over to our Facebook page. And of course, do not forget to do one favor for me. Like the page. Follow the page. And then you scroll down and you see a nice photo of the three musketeers. Drop in your comments on the comment section below and let us know where you're watching us from. And we shall be able to sample your feedback as we continue with this morning conversation. And of course, Power Talk starts now. Ladies and gentlemen, let me start with you, Andrew. Sure. And let me get personal. First question, always, always, let me get personal. I want you to think about the time when someone said something and it hurt you. Ayama, you too. I've already popped up immediately, sadly, so quickly. Someone said something and it hurt you. And then use that to answer this question. Does people's opinion matter? If yes, whether yes or no, how, Andrew? People's opinion matter a lot. It depends on the situation. Like, let's say my situation, what happened. When I started photography, I wasn't good. I used to make mistakes and all that. When I started photography, you do that. What are you doing when you started? Taking bad photos. Okay. They are not quality photos. Focus poor. Focus poor, all that. So this friend of mine told me, pictures are come, say, as easy. Like, he compared my picture to somebody else's picture. Then it got me thinking, what should I do to improve myself? What should I do to be better than the other person? Obviously, I can be better, but improve. Now it got me thinking, started researching and all that. Now my name starts with a professional photographer. When I started, I wasn't professional. Now I'm a professional photographer. So to answer your question, people's opinion do matter a lot. It depends on how you take them, actually. For you, you received it positively and you used what they said. You said that was a close friend. Yeah, actually it was a close friend. A close friend? Yeah, yeah. It was a close friend. What kind of pictures do you use? Bro, I don't know what to say. Bro, what kind of pictures do you use? I don't know what to say. Why? It's okay because it built me, like, I can challenge people. And you use that to build yourself? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yes, what they say is okay. It's okay. You can use that to better yourself. Exactly. Ayuma, think about the time that someone said something and it really hurts. Does people's opinion matter? For me, it depends on who is giving their opinion. If you're a close friend, if you're a family member, if you're somebody that I like, then your opinion can really hurt me deeply, deeply. If you're a stranger, then it doesn't even matter. And I think it's because, like, working on social media and being a content creator and constantly just putting your life out there for the whole world to see and to judge, you have to grow a thick skin. You know? And already people just comment the mean. I think people have fun just sitting there and saying, what can I find about you that is the worst possible thing about you and put it over there and we all sit there and laugh about you. So then now once you realize that people are going to troll you on social media and make fun of you and everything, if it's a stranger, it doesn't matter. You can talk about my hair that I worked so hard on and I thought you were looking amazing, but you wait until I see my friend, I'm on my fiancé, he says that I don't like your hair, but then this hair will be gone tomorrow. I'm not even wearing the same hairstyle anymore. So if someone significant in your life says something that you don't like, you will change on it. It will have an effect on me. It will have an effect on you. Will you do it as they have preferred? If I agree with them. If you agree. And if many of them say, sometimes I disagree, but then I, by the time the sixth person has told you that same thing and maybe they're right. I see Andrew shaking his head. To some point, I don't agree with what she said. If somebody you love, your close friend, family makes an opinion about you or gives you something, an advice or something, you'll take it rather than a stranger. But remember, a stranger will give you the raw opinion unfiltered, no love and all that. Like, a loved one will say, you have a vision. I have a vision because that person loves you, that person doesn't want to hurt you. But a stranger will tell you. He or she doesn't like you. He or she doesn't like you, but somebody who loves you may lie because they love you. Now, let me look at it from this angle. To whom should we be more careful about? Is it the strangers or those closest to us? To whom should we be most careful with? The ones closest to you. Let me tell you, no one can hurt you as deep as the people close to you, especially like your family. I think it's like they have a rulebook on how to hurt you as deep as possible and it's always your family. It comes from your parents, your siblings. It's the people that are closest to you that will hurt you the most. And I think their opinion of you matters even more because they're the ones who you've grown up with. They're the only ones who are thick and thin, the ones who are there. Other people come and go, these people are going to be there in your life all the time. So their opinion really makes a big impact. Are you saying that it is the strangers who actually tell us the truth? I don't agree. But it is those who we don't know that actually tell us the truth. But the stranger wouldn't be there with me. I don't know, maybe it's my partner who has to sit there with me as I go into a career that maybe won't make us any money. All the strangers can say that's good, that's bad, the person who's there living with you day-to-day, their opinion really matters. I don't want to contradict you. The question was, who are you supposed to be careful with? We said most, it's the close person. The close person to you may give you the wrong advice, may give you unfiltered opinion about your life, unfiltered opinion about your career. But the person you are not close with doesn't know you, will tell you how it is. So you should be careful with those people close to you. Because strangers, your guard is always up with strangers. Your guard is down with family, friends and all that. So you should be careful with those people who are far from you, not strangers, but they'll give you the unfiltered opinions. I get what you mean. In terms of even the information that you're going to give, you might not open up completely to a bunch of people that you don't know. Like you said, they'll just give you an unfiltered opinion, but then now you're close family, friends. They tend to filter it. They tend to filter it to please you. Has he convinced you? Like a small section. Like a small part. In what part does it make sense? So we are seeing those who we don't know, strangers, giving us the truth unfiltered and censored. But to be honest, if they have close people, like people close to you and you trust their opinion, wouldn't they, like me, I know like my friend, no matter what she would like to me, you know what I mean? I can just tell her the truth and she'll tell me the truth and that's it. Because there are those people who will always have your back. Exactly. And they'll tell it to your face when you're wrong and they'll tell you, you know what I mean? You're wrong. Until we choose a point where we're fighting and we're arguing and everything, we don't even talk for some days and then I come back and say, you know, you're right. You know? So I think it depends on who you have around you. It depends on who you have around you. It depends. Now, I want us to get deeper into this particular discussion here. I'm glad that we've laid that particular foundation. One, be careful with those who are close to you, even as you're careful with those who are even strangers. And two, yes, what people say can hurt you, but you can choose to react to it in a particular way. When we look at people, there is this quote that people will always find something to say about you. And there will always be something to say about you. Let's talk about friends now. How should we handle friends who always, always have our names at the tip of their tongue? How do you handle such people? Honestly, I think it's like it's flattery. You know, even the people who are your biggest haters are still your fan at the end of the day. I think it shows about how much they, there's a level of jealousy. There's a level of competition that is there with them because if someone always has something negative to say about you and are always talking about you in such a bad way, they secretly either feel threatened about you or want to emulate you in some way. And that's why they have to try to push you down in a level where they think now you'll be beneath them. And then now they can feel as if it makes them feel better. You know, does that make sense? So you should look at it like I am the bigger person here. Yeah, you should feel sorry for them. Feel sorry for them. You should feel sorry for them. How would you agree with that? How would you handle it? And on top of that, in the case where you know them, you know who you always had it coming, you know it very well. For me, I think for a friend who has my name in their mouth every time, I think if they are my friends, I'll let them be because it goes beyond what they are saying, what their friendship is. So I'll let them be. Come on into my Kofaki Dogo from me, but I still call them my friend. I think I'll do what she said. Feel sorry for them because I can't help them. And it's okay for somebody to have my name in their mouth. It's okay because one way or another, for me, they are marketing me. You're not looking at marketing. They are talking about me. I'll go to Shindake and Google me and I'll go to Instagram. I'll say, I'll get a picture of you. I'll get marketing there. So it doesn't really affect me personally when people talk about me. It doesn't really affect me because as she said, you need to grow a thick skin out here. So the moment you grow a thick skin, people's friends who talk about you every time, either good or bad, it doesn't really affect you. Have you been in that position where somebody said something that really hurt you and this person was a close friend? Okay, you know the thing about me which I feel like is a benefit, it takes a while before you become my close friend. And I think when you're in the beginning stages of friendship and everything, you notice little characteristics within a person and then you start saying, this one is kind, this one is honest. You start bringing them in closer and closer. This one is a liar. This one talks trash about other people. This one does this and this. You start bringing them far. I think a lot of people in my circle are acquaintances and then there's their friends. They're just then five close friends. I can't count more than five people that can say this is my true, true friend. And then everybody else, yeah, we're fine. We'll go party, we'll go hang out, we'll have tea, we'll have coffee, we'll chill, but you're not my friend, we're just acquaintances. And I've already put you in that space so that if I do find out something negative, it doesn't hurt me because I never considered you a friend to begin with. So I think that's the problem that people make. You bring people into your circle, people talk badly about you, they're toxic boyfriend, you just keep on saying come back, come back and abuse me. Come back and beat me to me. Come, come, come, come. And then you come crying to your friends, oh, this is a toxic friend, this is a bad person. They were never your friends to begin with. Wow. They were never your friends to begin with. So that creates a thick skin around you, right? Don't you think that one creates this wall that even someone genuine who comes along and means well will end up being blocked by that wall that you built? They have to do their time. Yeah, just like that. You know when you go to work and there's like a probation period and everything before now you can imagine like honestly, even the people that I've met like I can say, hey, I'm a difficult person. But it takes a few years before I can say like you're my friend. There's no way we can just meet for a couple of months and start saying you're my friend. Yes. Not weeks, weeks or months. No, years. At least like a solid friendship I think you need to have at least two years. There. If that is just a friend, how long will it take for someone to even date her in the first place? If for her to be her friend you must take at least two years. So by the time you get a level of dating five years old. Maybe that's why you've gotten engaged after four. Maybe that's the problem. Yeah, by the way, are you engaged? Congratulations. Thank you. She's engaged, she's living the market. Soco. You took a shower, you... I decided to leave the streets, man. It wasn't for me. Now, Andrew, let me talk about men. Because these old men handle it as opposed to women. These old men handle negative thoughts and negative comments. How do you think men are taking it nowadays when they hear gossip about them, rumors about them, trolls on social media. You are in content creation, you do a lot of this, you interact with people. And I'm sure that you have made people who have actually not given you good pieces of advice. Like this show, someone... someone talked about this show. This is rubbish. So if it was a man, how would you take it? Me personally, I think over the years I've learned to accept people for who they are. People... Like I said before, people's opinions don't matter. So for me personally, it doesn't really affect me. But for men, these days I would say it's clear for such many things that I'm controlled and I'm not on a curve. But then how do you guess that this is actually an important comment and this one is a minute comment? How would you say that as a man you should cry about this but don't cry about that? You look at the scope of the comment itself. Does it really matter? When I say does it really matter? Does it affect anything? Let me take my... let me use myself as an example. When somebody comments on a photo that I took they say the lighting was not good. Now I'll go and research about the perfect lighting for such photos. But when somebody comes and says, doesn't give... It's called what? Constructive criticism. Doesn't lay out some factual or help the comment. That I'll just read and say but that person told me about the lighting part I'll take more seriousness too. Seriousness or more attention to that comment rather than the other one. Figuring out which comment which opinion does affect you either mentally or day-to-day life. I get it. They haven't explained how you guys bring out the covered effects because men are aggressive. You say something negative to a man and it's something that he deeply he's passionate about and he cares about he's ready to fight by the way he's going to talk to his guys and everything even them they're ready to there and fight it just comes out as anger. The immediate response is just being ready to be like aggressive maybe not necessarily like fight physically but like there's that anger and aggression. I think girls, as since we're in gossip anyway you gossip and make up some rumors about you, you make up some rumors about me then it goes back and forth and in circles but men it's like it's real aggression. That's also one angle that intrigues me because that aggression can at some point be very toxic. Yeah true. What she said about the reaction to a comment for a man it's like you tell me something face to face, I want to fight you I want to argue with you. They use us like bro. I prefer that the quicker reaction to a comment rather than holding it in for a while. I don't want to explode at some point. So the quick reaction to a comment the quick reaction to an altercation or something said to you face to face. I think that's good because the moment you may argue, you may let that thing out even if it's not for men. So it's easy to care that if you're an infanity then it's like she comes to you. The moment you may leave I'll be plotting your downfall for a whole year and then you'll even forget what you said and then that's when it will happen. But one good thing that I love about men is after a fight they're good. There is respect after the fight. There is respect after that fight unless it is in some cases where it gets worse but Ayuma you thought about how men handle negativity. I think like you're saying it's good because it's immediate if you're going to be angry if you're going to be sad, whatever it is it's immediate, it happens, you let it out and that's the best way to do it because like me personally I'll sit here and smile in your face even though I'm crying deep inside you know what I mean? I will hold on to those feelings and hold on to those feelings until now there is actually an explosion maybe like you know somebody just does something small enough they let out all the feelings from before on to that person so it's definitely good that it comes out immediately but at the same time girls are just different we're fake so it's sadly like I said we'll sit there and smile oh my gosh your hair looks so nice and at that time you're thinking something so bad inside your head there's a lot of like what's it called back stabbing and everything when it comes to ladies sometimes now I'm looking at this man who has had a bad day you woke up in the morning you went to work and at work you do something and then one of your colleagues or bosses tell you you're not good enough you're not fit to be here you're not doing a good job and this guy he gets hurt he leaves work he now moves to a different location and let's say he's hanging around friends and one of the friends says man today you look you look like you've gone through hell man what's up what's wrong with your hair is your hairline going back what's wrong is that look at your hair so they have to look for a neck excuse it's just the style so now their confidence is now bruised you don't look as smartly as he used to be before so now the things that this guy is hearing across the day are all negativity and he gets into that public service vehicle and the first thing that the conductor does is he tells him no bro what's up with you you don't smell nice just stand there because you know in public sometimes you remove it now this guy goes home and meets the girlfriend the girlfriend who is of course going through her own piece of text there how should this lady treat the man a man that has gone through hell and back had negativity throughout the whole day and now it's back in the house any of you are you I think okay you know what's funny we've raised men to be constantly strong strong strong and to hold back everything that like even us as women sometimes forget that these men actually go through things that affect them back in the day Ayuma back in back back back in the day Ayuma how long ago back in the day Ayuma would have been like ice so that was your problem but you don't think I have stress as well you even know what I'm going through you know like get yourself together get it together this world is not for the tough but then like after you know just like life just teaches you lessons like serious character developments is brought upon you as you go through life and everything and I think that you just have to treat everybody with like nurturing and acceptance and also make sure that you're a safe space for them to be vulnerable a lot of men struggle to be vulnerable and even speak about their feelings and is it okay for a man to cry yes it is somebody don't hear me somebody told this man that he is not good enough that he is not strong enough that he looks ugly body-shaming this man that you know you don't have six packs but the other thing affects a man that six pack issue you know dad bought his heart right now that's the one that we want so you're saying that this such a man talked to him well he can cry on your shoulders you know that's when I feel it's like I've reached the peak of being like a supportive partner let me tell you like if you have a partner you have a boyfriend fiancee husband whatever and he's never shed even one tear you guys are not in a relationship I feel it's like he's hiding too much he doesn't feel comfortable with you you know even if it's just sadness of someone passing away or something like that even if he's not an emotional person but you should even you see you cry sometimes you're about to lie and say no me do you know lies I know all the issues okay okay the times that I've shed as a tear was upon occasion yeah but you feel comfortable with somebody you know like when already you feel as if you have to pretend to be strong all the time of course you're not going to cry you're saying cry with someone no I've not with someone no mostly alone boy I feel sorry for you sorry for me find someone you can cry with you know it feels nice to like release all of that it's okay it'll be better rubbing your back making you feel nice and then now you get up to the world and you're back cover me up my brother I think she's right like you need to find somebody who you can cry with because you cry have you ever cried on someone's shoulder as a man me yes Muruferan not really but I've cried before in the presence of someone else yes in the presence of somebody else not on their shoulder but it doesn't mean that you're laying on my lap over here just in a pool of tears but see I'm saying cry because crying is a normal it's a human reaction to something crying if you don't cry sometimes it's not good like you need to release that feeling, that anger that joy that you're feeling that moment sometimes you release it in the form of tears you've seen men in their wedding cry because they're emotional sometimes they cry because they're happy sometimes they cry because they're sad it's a normal thing it's a normal thing I'm looking at somebody who for example a woman a woman says something bad to this man not knowing that this man is actually being hurt how is that situation supposed to be handled because sometimes women say things sometimes men need to say that they're hurt I think that's the biggest problem honestly women we can be we can be very insensitive sometimes because we're so used to getting all of the woe woe woe pole because they're busy in tears and everything it's so easy for us to forget that our men are going through something as well but I can't nurture you and comfort you if you don't tell me that something wrong is happening you know and even that time you say how was your day? I was good you didn't tell me that your boss said that you're not working hard you didn't tell me that your friend said that you have acuparat you didn't tell me all of those things that are going on with you and yet you expect to get that comforting you can't get that unless you say it okay someone should say you know what you heard me yeah but why don't you guys say it because the way you said it you're just saying it like Mr. Semi you see teach me your ways it does look weak it doesn't look like the mental health of this man is a bit weak because that's the perception yeah so would you rather hold it in and it continues in the inside getting weaker and weaker as you keep the image of strongness but Andrew agrees with me hmm to some point let me say this you see when you started this topic does people's opinion matter now in this instance somebody told you something a lady told you something that really hurts you someone you're dating somebody you're dating does that person the person you're dating what she told you does it really affect you like someone you're dating but can I change that someone you're dating already does it really affect me to the point that I need to react I love sometimes they ask you do you know the question you already know things are bad when she started to ask that why did you get your hair cut so you don't know whether it's a good comment that's about to come after that with a negative one they ask you why you're asking why you're asking okay so then I'll tell you at the oh many of you by then I would tell you because that's where those are some of the small things that ladies can say about you that actually piss you off there are some things ladies say to men we take it like for example me when I started balding because I have a bald head I started balding some friends are you comfortable with my baldness I'm comfortable because it's mine I cannot change it it's already there thank you at least normally we have a point here should I do an echo I'm engaged already what do you want to say no buzzer someone what did this person do I remember it really did hurt me back then because it was a while back then I went to the mirror I went to work I knew that I was going to find I was going to find out if she doesn't like it if she doesn't like it of course Ayuma likes it like if one person doesn't like the way you if a person doesn't like the way you dress there's a person who likes the way you dress if a person doesn't like my beard there's a person who likes my beard no no it depends on the level that you take the comment or the that person said how is it how does it change how does it change how do you do it how do you handle the women side of it sometimes a man approaches a lady she's crying what's wrong nothing are you okay yes but you're crying just something in my eye why can't we talk about mental health and women but as a man I'm coming from a point of seeing a woman not telling me what the problem is I can clearly see there's a problem and she's saying that there is no problem what the heck let me tell you there's usually two things number one you're the problem you're the one who's causing those tears you're the one who's causing her to be upset and she's waiting for you to say sorry for blah blah blah for you to own your actions first before she starts saying by the way I didn't like how you talked to me or something like that but not the man has asked you what's wrong because he's concerned about your mental health imagine I come I step on your shoe I step on you and then you look at me you're like ouch and then I say what's wrong I want you to acknowledge what you've done wrong you have to tell me babe I'm so sorry for blah blah blah blah I shouldn't have talked like that to you we want you to acknowledge what you've done for us telling you and then you say sorry because then it feels like the sorry isn't for real it's so complicated I think when a man claims you're crying the the thing that made you cry it had already happened kitambo now he has fallen to crying maybe that guy doesn't remember doing that thing now he's coming from a point place of acobuki sometimes men have no clue I mean I don't know life because that's like before men women ladies they could so the moment I said what happened last week I said calm up we're not that bad last week you take two years to so last week I have seen a lady who remembers dates actually not many ladies and I'm sure you can even fall in that category you do remember dates don't you? and the thing is men can also remember dates very well when it's remember you'll be a sharer when it's the business stuff that time he doesn't have any amnesia that time he remembers everything very well so your bank account right now you'll tell me very very well but then if I ask you about a date it's already a problem who was that girl that was talking to you who was talking to me I think men deep down inside you you have an idea why your lady is upset you just don't want to admit it no we just don't know what's really upsetting you you have done like 30 things tell us one because of two weeks you have done 30 things tell us that one that made you cry tell us that and you see I'm interested in finding out do people really understand that when you cry it's either a sign of either good things to come or bad things to come when you cry are you crying as you're thinking because you're getting discouraged and you're losing hope or are you crying because it's a sense of release and tensions coming out so here I'm seeing a relationship that's about to break up after this woman cries because now after that cry she makes the decision do this let him come back home today but usually I think the one for like it's like therapy and it's like healing and everything by then you've had some sort of conversation with who? with your partner for example if we had an argument and then we both said in the midst of that argument tears start happening in the midst of discussing the argument tears start happening I think now you're healing and then you can start saying sorry and all of that but if tears happen that's when it's now like it can lead to the depression side it can lead to this time of now when you're saying I'm making a decision and I'm leaving I think when you just see tears and you haven't had a conversation you should be scared now I want to take a short break let's talk about this angle here I'm seeing a woman who is being told by a man you're fat I don't like your shape I don't like how you do your nails you do blah blah blah people do say such things because you want a woman to be in a particular way to have a particular shape to do particular colors and affect you as a woman talk about that I think it's all about the approach but if they don't come to me and tell me I'm fat we both know I'm fat we've all been sitting here eating together we both it's not as if it just happened yesterday I just woke up and all of a sudden I've become fat so don't tell me I'm fat what you can say is babe let's go to the it sounds so bad because you already know you've been told you're fat let's go to the gym but that sounds better I'd rather it comes from like you go around the bush don't come to me direct by the way go around and find all the nicest ways you can possibly tell me or you I don't like your all of those things those are things that will bring out a fight because it's like you're judging me and you're not arguing and for a man a woman tells you you have a six pack I don't want to be a therapy what does she has maybe nothing I want to say that because we won't talk about matters concerning your mental health I invite you to participate with us engage with us tell us your opinions and your thoughts in regards to this particular conversation minding your mind right here on power talk let's take a short break we'll be back with Andrew and Ayuma in a bit keep it power talk here welcome back this is power talk it is a pleasure being with you today and of course it's all about mental health minding your mind today right here on Y254 I'm about to check your comments on my Facebook page that's at Y254 and but remember before even as I do that I am with Ayuma here and Andrew and we have been talking about matters concerning your health right here on power talk we invite you to keep on giving your feedback and your thoughts in regards to these particular stories here the topic of the conversation that we are about to that we are having today let us know where you are watching us from and of course I'm taking a look at your feedback now Timoth I don't know if you can bring it up I'm a Nizisome Nizisome I'm a Nizisome alright I will read that question later on I'm a Nizisome lady gentlemen we were talking about Ayuma and Andrew and the initials I like the past small things really intrigue me now I want us to talk about coping mechanisms and in this case I'm looking at I did a bit of physics action reaction action consequence and I want us to be very specific as we are handling this part because even as we do that I want us to help somebody now people handle their mental health in different ways people talk about it in different ways and people have different coping mechanisms and I want us to give different examples as we talk about this how do you handle somebody who was once social and is no longer as social as they used to be that's we all have that one friend who is always bubbly that bubbly person that jovial person who all of a sudden isn't how do you approach that Ayuma? do you know that's actually one of the signs that someone is going through depression or a hard time when they no longer are social when they are more secluded within themselves when they don't want to associate with other people because even those people will be the same ones saying what's wrong, snap out of it come, let's go and everything it's one of the signs that your friend is really going through depression so I think once you realize that this person isn't themselves anymore isn't as outgoing and even just cancelling plans with you all the time that's when you have to by force go and be with that person be that shoulder for them to actually lean on because they won't go and do it by themselves they've clearly decided to cut themselves out so you have to be the one to bring yourself into them and constantly do it because you can ask once or twice are you okay, are you doing good, are you fine and because I am okay and then you just let it go you're just like I used to have a friend me and Nani used to talk and then it just falls off you have to consistently be on that person but now the problem with such people is when you are consistent they get pissed off at you let them be mad ask your friend it's okay you'll be mad and then we'll make up that person is your friend be consistent look for them find them talk to them be with them the answer to people going through things the answer is always I'm okay but they are not now you need to be there when they are not okay the emotions the things that are going through sandals and agitokias are here because when they are telling you they are okay it's majorly on their phone like an app text I'm okay, calling I'm okay but to queue up on maybe and ask them what's happening now one thing about the three of us we deal with people who are online most of the times, online people we interact with people who we don't know about the basics how should we you can even give your own personal thoughts how do you handle um trolls social media bullying cyberbullying particularly how do you handle that particular area by simply ignoring just ignore you don't comment don't engage that person when you engage the troll you are it's called verifying or validating whatever they are saying so don't engage them like if that person even gets your number and trolls you at the same block are they insulted me? not I am a very good person I am a very good person so they must have been insulted online should I be asking myself am I a good person since I have been insulted online have they ever been insulted online yeah let me tell you nowadays on for example Instagram you can even filter certain words that people can comment so me even if you wanted to type ugly you can't I filter that word it just doesn't show up it shows up as a blocked comment so keywords ugly stupid, fat any word that I do not like and some of the fusing words I know I put them over there I block them so you can't say it then I go and block you as well because you are not going to come over here on to my platform and consistently talk things about me and find things to go ahead as ammunition against me so you will get blocked as well that's the biggest thing you have to remove it from your feed because it's okay to ignore but that information still enters into your mind so if you are constantly being told the negative things about yourself even if you don't go ahead and speak with the person back and forth it can really affect how you view yourself if you have to see it so I just remove it before it even gets the chance I want to say something that I think it's very controversial before we went for the break you asked about when a guy tells a lady your fat now when somebody tells you your fat I am sure you have gone to the mirror and told yourself the same thing I am fat now this is another person telling you your fat now what are you willing to change about that it's not up for them to change it it's up for me to change it so you go to the gym so you are saying when they say your fat that they are helping you to some point because let's be honest being fat is not it's not healthy it's proven like obesity is not healthy it's not healthy why are you being fat why are you being fat why are you being fat hey let me tell you nobody can make you do anything about yourself until you are willing to do something about yourself even if I was morbidly obese let me tell you if I was 1000 kgs are you telling me that I am 1000 kgs isn't going to make me lose weight it's just making me feel worse it's confirming what's there we already know what the situation is and maybe I like myself like that body positivity is such an important thing you can be big and still be healthy you can be big and still look good you can be curvy you can be all sizes and still look good it's just that we have brainwashed the society to think this size is the perfect size there is no perfect size even if I get a few more kgs I am still going to look hot and I dare you to tell me that I am fat even if I am I don't think because at the end of the day we both know it's not to get me in the gym it's an insult it's to either demoralize this courage or insult but how is me telling you something that is already there an insult it's me telling you that you are black how is that an insult depends on the framing is it an insult it's like the way the way that friend of yours told you about your hair it's there but that doesn't mean that you have to go ahead and state the obvious and say it to me in a derogatory way but still I still ask you the question so Andrew you are saying that if something is true and somebody talks about it they are justified if it's true and they are talking about it are you saying that if something is true it is a known fact and somebody picks it up and says it then that person that has done so is justified by saying what is there yes he is correct now my face just says like this this is who we say I'm not rude I just speak the truth I'm being honest I'm just stating facts but you don't have to say every truth that comes out in your mind the truth hurts who appointed you to be the truth teller where there are some things just keep them to yourself remember when you said you did a research on action and reaction consequences now your actions that led you to being the way you are fat obese now the consequences are you will get those things you will get those comments okay it's a no for you but it's true you will get them people will say you are fat people will say you are obese but you decided to be like that because it's a process like you went from this I want you Andrew to remember something because I think that sometimes it's easy to talk about something when it's not you that is being talked about now look at it from this perspective you gave us a testimony on our story here of how something that was said about you which was true somebody said Andrew it was true that they were bad photos but you got hurt with those comments the question is why did it hurt you because when I was taking the picture in my mind I was telling myself this picture is perfect it's perfect to me but to somebody else because that person has seen other good photos now don't you think that for somebody's body in their mind they are telling themselves I believe I'm beautiful and someone calls them fat do you think it would hurt them those are two different things beautiful and fat those are two different things because you can't be fat and beautiful those are two different things so somebody telling you you're fat doesn't mean that you're not beautiful yes when I'm super but you're fat so you should work on it work on it I cannot if you're the one who is fat then I tell you that you're fat I want to take you to the gym it's you deciding to that she's fat so it's upon her to go to the gym it's upon her if she decides that she's okay like that but I said I didn't say you're not beautiful I said I think we've forgotten that it doesn't cost us anything to just be kind and treat people the way you want to be treated so even as you're being honest and truthful first of all say what's the reason for that as you ask yourself how you're going to speak that truth is this a stranger by the way keep your mouth closed you have no business letting me know your opinion about my weight my whatever any of that secondly if that's a close person to you if you're not coming with a solution and you're just there giving out opinions on the solicited advice without any solution to that in a loving way you also shouldn't do it as well and honestly I better be on my deathbed because of my weight that's why you've told me that a couple of cases bigger a bit rounder, a bit curvier there's no reason to say anything I'm looking at the perspective that you gave you personally said that you did not like someone calling you bald that was a fact but you didn't like it I didn't like it why didn't you like it because at that moment I had not accepted that as bolding so when that person she said it it affected me because she couldn't accept the fact that I was bolding did her telling you that helped you accept it her telling me that it didn't help me but she said what is there it took me to accept what's already there I've decided I'm bolding she has changed I want us to help somebody there's somebody on Facebook here this is Mr this is Mr Waziri following the show thank you so much please help me here yesterday one of my friends told me something that really hurt me until now how can I overcome this situation please respond to this yes you're responding to it don't worry maybe you can give it a take and of course a big thanks to a fuller commented there feminist continue from gong thank you so much for your feedback let's respond to Waziri and Asama helped me here yesterday one of my friends told me something that really hurt me until now so it's he's still hurting till now so how can I overcome this situation I think there's basically two main options it depends on the severity of the thing that she was told to you so is it so bad that now the friendship cannot be repaired do you now have to make a decision to now drop this person as a friend if it's not that bad that the friendship can't be repaired you have to go and tell the person that your feelings are hurt because they like I said before known as a mind reader they wouldn't know unless you go ahead and tell them once you let them know that your feelings are hurt and now you can talk about it see their response about it are they going to continue saying those things like that but then if it's some things are just irreparable once you've said them it can actually end a friendship all right I think I think I'll conquer what she said like comfort that person go talk to that person that whatever you said it really did hurt me that moment I've been dealing with it none come as he was holding anymore now what's the solution what's the way forward after the the discussion you have had after you have said your piece like see actually he kind of go talk to that person because you don't think it will help you you know maybe that person but the moment you tend to approach you say your piece like so I think there will be a beginning of you feeling better I love that I hope you've been answered if not please keep on participating and engaging with us we are here to help all right of course this is what part of means now I want to touch on one other final stretch I'm looking at this particular individual that has just come out of a relationship and this is coming out of a relationship that was toxic where words were said things were done hopefully nothing physical but words were said now let's talk about this process of healing for the mental health of this person that has just been broken and wants to get into another relationship how should it be what is this process how can this person find peace within themselves and move away or you know move away from that particular event or that particular person and move forward Andrew especially for guys me I don't know be honest how do guys move on from toxic relationships I think for guys it's easy I don't know Andrew for guys to move on it's actually easy from a heartbreak from a heartbreak it's actually not easy it's not easy to everybody to some it is equal maybe they have been through that now their healing process is shorter their healing process is shorter but the people that are looking in their love relationship matters as a matter takes a while from healing and moving on but remember here we are talking about your mental capacity something that affected you how it affected how you see things how you see women how do you heal how do you heal first of all don't get in another relationship sure don't get in another relationship never not never but not immediately or give it two years four years someone has joined high school and was giving give it a while to heal healing is concentrating on other things that will take your focus away from the feeling that you felt toward that person when they hurt you doing constructive things like suddenly you see you see pattern in the the cheek pattern in the cheek just let it be your healing process will be easier is not constantly there reminding you so I think the best way to deal with it is keep away from keep away from girls relationships not girls keep away from relationships keep away from relationships for some time till you are ok mentally to deal with another relationship if you jump in another relationship and you have not healed from the previous one maybe this person that you are engaged with now like the person in a relationship currently after the other breakup maybe that person is the right person for you but since you are hurt from the previous relationship you will end up messing this one cause you carried the baggage from the other relationship to this one now I think apuka mental and as I again I will say this longer story longer period of healing longer period of healing before you get to another relationship I agree definitely you have to cut off all contact with that toxic person cause them still being with you is going to add more toxicity and then also agree with what you said about don't jump into another relationship and then lastly I will say you have to have your safe person to deal with to talk to about the feelings that you are having and not oh it shouldn't have to be someone in the same situation that you are in cause especially for girls will all be there saying men are trash and then we are all going through the same toxic relationship and then I am coming to get advice from you as you are also in a toxic relationship it doesn't work that way so make sure that you are getting a good sound advice from somebody that is actually giving you that good sound advice and usually it would be good if it is someone that is what is it called a bit older a bit wiser someone who has been there done that so that you are not just all children over here lying to each other preferably somebody in a relationship like married with kids that person will give you the sound advice the way forward yeah wow guys I want us to bring this discussion to close so many things coming through my mind as both of you are talking and I feel like mental health is a discussion that everybody needs to have and I learned that some people believe that mental health as a word is associated with madness when they say somebody is not mentally healthy if the assumption is that he is going mad when that is actually not the case so thank you so much for having this discussion and I want to give you guys time to have a final word let me start with you Andrew in a nutshell just put a couple of things on things what is your parting shot and if I want to talk to your people there that is your camera now my parting shot is this deal with your depression mental health the right way by the right way I mean don't use alcohol as a means of forgetting or dealing with depression because depression is mostly a feeling it's not a disease it's a feeling for example when I get a text I am removed from work you may lose your job I feel depressed deal with depression the right way deal with your mental health the right way don't use alcohol to deal with your mental health it doesn't work final word final thing I can say is mental health issues are normal everybody goes through periods of struggling with their mental health so you should never feel ashamed about what you are going through make sure you find someone that you can talk to anything that you are struggling with thank you so much Andrew it has been a pleasure guys and of course even I talk about mental health I hope that you have learned something from home I want us to bring this discussion to a close a big thanks to each and every one of you that ensured this show was a success and as always we want to wrap it up with a quote no matter how loud the opinions of others might be they don't get to decide who you can be only you can do that and that is what brings us to the end of this discussion right here on Power Talk a big thanks to Ayuma big thanks to Andrew thanks so much for coming and a big thanks to everybody that ensured this show was a success mental health very important mind your mind my name is Ram Aguko this is Power Talk