 Lately I've been reflecting upon something that I'd like to share with you publicly because some of this is going to be personal and That is I I suspect and I guess this is just a suspicion on my part Maybe it's a projection. Maybe it's a judgment on my part. I suspect most couples really don't know how to create deep Intimacy with one another Intimacy and while I didn't coin the following phrase intis intimacy means into me you see In other words that way you can actually see inside a person's soul that way you see who they are on the inside instead of the Masks that most human beings wear on the outside and yes, I do believe most human beings wear a mask myself included And I've often wonder how do couples really connect with one another One another on an emotional level Oftentimes intimacy is confused with the physical connection you have with someone and certainly when you connect with someone on a Physical level and when I'm talking about quite frankly a sexual level It can certainly feel like you you you really know who they are you might feel that way in the moment In fact, it's been interesting. I've heard I recall shortly after my divorce and I was Dating and I was physical with a woman and this particular woman I remember that when we were physical together, it felt like a sense of home It's so there was a sense of like this just felt like home while we're together And it's interesting as when I've shifted to becoming a dating coach when I mean by shifted I used to be in the insurance business now. I'm a dating relationship coach and I've spoken to women who have said that men have said the same thing to them that being physical woman with a woman feels like Being home and I'm like I thought I only knew about that and it's written Anyway, I feel like I'm babbling here for a second a physical level many men Might feel like that's genuine love because when your body is feeling tingly Your body is connecting on so many different levels. It can feel like you're really connected to another human being I mean technically when you're in intercourse, you're actually connected to another human being, but that's on the physical level. I Think what so many couples are missing in Relationship is really connecting on that emotional level that level of I see you that level of I genuinely care about you that level of your best interests your interests are just as important to me as My own interest that level of trust that level of deep commitment And I've often wonder how do we get there as human beings? How do we get to that place because the physical part is rather easy in fact these days the physical part is The easiest part because when we think of attraction We often think of it from a physical level Certainly, there's deeper levels of attraction. There's a emotional attraction. There's intellectual attraction There's even that attraction of being attracted to someone because they are creative or those people that are the protector types These are multiple different types of attraction that exists out there But that's merely attraction. How do we go below the surface as I talk about my relationship iceberg? How do we get to that level of really connecting with another human being on that? emotional level That level where you you feel comfortable to say almost anything to your partner In fact, you feel so comfortable that you could tell them your deepest darkest secret How do we make that happen is something that I contemplate frequently So I want to share something personal with you all And it's something my girlfriend said to me yesterday is she says I like your woo-wooness I like your woo-wooness and what she means by that is she likes that I've studied Relationships I've studied spirituality. I've studied personal development and self-help work I've studied it to actually become what I think is a better human being or a more evolved human being or a more Awakened human being because I I recognized that in the significant part of my life. I was rather unconscious To simply the concept of awareness Being aware of my thoughts being aware of my feelings being Connected to my own thoughts being connected to my own feelings outside of the mass that I wore for a significant part of my life and I suspect many men experience this as well as many women experience this operating from the facade of who they are instead of the core of who they are and I think one of the things I appreciate in this relationship more than anything In fact, I said this to her yesterday What I appreciate more than anything is I feel safe enough to just be who I am warts and all Warts and all that's kind of funny. What I mean to say is I Don't feel like I have to play the game of hiding Behind the strength of masculinity. So I don't present present weakness. I Share my insecurities. I share some of my fears with her and we talk about it We put it to the light. She talks about her fears and insecurities with me whether it's in our own individuality or even within our relationship and That's one way to build real connection with a partner To be vulnerable to be authentic to be transparent with a person to really step into that feeling of like I I'm with really good friend. I'm with my best friend. I Know there's a meme that says Something along the line of you know, the best relationships are friendships on fire And what I think that means is that you can be with your best friend and at the same time you have that passionate connection with them And I think one of the best ways to get there is to start by being vulnerable authentic and transparent with your partner Now I'm gonna share something That's very I'm gonna it's not to the extent that it's private between the two of us We were sharing last night wouldn't it be great if the world could do what we do So I want to share what this is So since we began our relationship every once in a while we do something called camping And what we do is we create or I correct this was my idea and I didn't learn it I didn't learn I learned this from some other people I've learned it from a group of people who shared this with me But what we do is I lay out on the blanket on the floor and I build it up So it's very cushiony and very comfy with fluffy pillows and stuff like that And we spend half a day On the floor in my living room just connecting with one another now Sometimes we use plant-based medicine to connect sometimes it's just the two of us But we really we spend half a day we we turn off the phones Turn off the phones Just sit and connect with one another and talk about things That matter to us in our lives and all the nooks and crannies of where our thoughts go Each and every day. Did you know that the average human being has somewhere between 12 and 60,000 thoughts a day? 12 to 60,000 thoughts and by the way from what I understand 80% of them are negative And 80% of those negative ones are real or now I think 95% of those negative ones are reoccurring ones So we just sit and connect with one another now There's a book that I highly recommend you all check out It's called how to make love all the time by Barbara DeAngelo since she creates these simple little ways that you can connect with your partner There's a The table of contents You know what and I'm sharing with you one of ours, but here's one the love letter technique The secret class sexual classroom technique You know your hidden power of sexual energy now. I mean some of this is well, that's the bedroom stuff How to tell if you're with the right person letting go of letting go of love I mean there's how do you use this technique to make love all the time the first aid technique all these things in this book? I highly recommend you checking out And I'm offering what she and I do It's a suggestion and you since my audience is women mostly you can create this for your partner And that's simply making a request that you spend time Just really connecting with one another you shut off the world you sit I mean the nesting is what we call this nesting with each other and just connecting with one another The plant-based medicine takes some of the edge off But it's just a way not to make it sexual. This is not a sexual thing This is about creating deep intimacy with your partner deep connection with your partner taking time out of your week If you can do it once a week or once a month, whatever it is to just sit and be together What's cool about nesting is we we move in all kinds of different positions throughout the the day It's just kind of like thinking we I think out loud You know just some of the thoughts and we just unpack them together and we have fun together And it's a great way to build real deep intimacy with your partner by being vulnerable by being authentic by doing transparent and so we even had this idea of creating like a nesting bed and maybe selling it on Amazon or something like that because We both agree We've never experienced this before in any of our previous relationships, and we suspect a lot of couples probably don't know Genuine intimacy outside of the physical realm, and I'm here to invite it into the emotional realm And I hope just this offering today might create The shift in your existing relationship or it might plan to see that you use this in a future relationship And if you're single and looking for love, I invite you to attract in that beautiful relationship like what I think I have God universe spirit I'm open and receptive to love. I invite in a love where we can be vulnerable authentic and transparent with one another I invite in that level where you have that mutual chemistry for one another and we have that ability that will be Open with each other on a communication level and we can play and dance in that realm of vulnerability Authenticity and transparency and we can blend our lives together at some point And we also share the deep values that allow us to really connect with one another Then we develop the deep roots of trust through social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building school skills both in our personal our professional life and lastly that deep intimacy that isn't just physical It's emotional as well and God universe spirit. I invite that into my life That's my invitation for all of you to invite in that kind of relationship Is it gonna work? Hey, nothing ventured nothing gained, right? Give it a shot See if something can shift between you and your partner by starting to block out time During the week during the month where you really connect and just be with one another And I hope that helps your relationship or your future relationship All right, if you had that if listen, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this post to comment below If you found value in this please tell your friends about midlife love mastery send them to my website jonathanasley.com have them click the group coaching coaching button so they can join our fantastic group And I'm gonna sign off this video as I always do first off give myself a big check in at jonathan barrick of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet teddy bear pillow Give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now