 The narcissist doesn't want you to figure this out. Welcome everyone to another Narc Savaga Live video. And that is the topic today for this one. Narc-Assist, they devalue you. They insult you and put you down. They make you feel like something is wrong with you. You're not good enough and you need to be better. And as though that is the reason for why they treat you the way that they do. That's why they're always on you. They're always putting you down because there's something wrong with you. Or so they want you to think. You're bad, you're crazy, you're wrong. So they need to always be on you. Always be around you. And you need to be under their control because you just can't take care of yourself. You can't be independent because you're incompetent. This is what they want you to think. They want you to believe that it's just something to do with you. And that is the reason for their behavior. That's why they devalue you. That's why they abuse you. That is why they control you. This is their narrative. And this is even what they will say to other people as well. Other people that you may be involved with or their enablers and flying monkeys. They create this narrative as though you need help. Something is not right with you. You're having these problems, these issues. So they have to be there to help you. You have to be under their control. And what they do is they say to the enablers and flying monkeys that they're doing their best with you to try to help you to get you back on the right track. But you're just not listening. You're not cooperating with them. You just can't deal with it. You have all of these problems so you need to be under their control. This is the narrative that they paint of you. But some of you, you may already be aware that even these problems that they have with you, these issues or they're trying to paint this picture of something being wrong with you or you not being good enough. Even if you fix these problems and you achieve or even surpass their standards and expectations and you become greater than they ever expected. Even if you do that, that is when you will see the real problem because they are very envious, jealous and insecure. So all of these things that they're saying is wrong with you as though you're beneath them and they need to have authority over you. All of these things, it's just a distraction and a lot of these things are lies. It's just an excuse, a justification for them to control you because when a person is pathologically envious they need to have control to keep you down because you are this external regulator for their emotions. When they keep you down, they feel up. So this is the real reason. This is the truth. And you may have been thinking all of this time that they were devaluing you and they put you on this hamster wheel where you were running in an effort to please them to make them happy, to satisfy them to finally reach the expectations of you and all of these problems that they point out to you every day there's all of these little things that you're meant to be doing wrong all of these things are just a distraction the narcissist is very insecure and they have low self-esteem they're envious of you and they use these things as an opportunity to abuse you and sometimes you just got to look at it like all of these things that you're doing for them in an effort to please them what are they even doing for you? what did they ever do for you to make you happy or to improve your life and yet you were doing all of these things to make them feel more comfortable but why are they so deserving of all of the things that you're doing for them and yet all of the things you do they never compliment or praise you on it all of the things that you achieved they never congratulated you if anything they minimized it and then they exaggerated all of these things about themselves all of the things that are just all about them it's never about anything that they're doing for you and it's because the truth is they just can't stand you and I know some of you may not like to hear this but it is the truth all of the love bombing the false character even though sometimes they bring it back they really hate you they're really envious and jealous of you they really can't stand you just seeing you succeed in anything it eats away at them because you are an extension of them and they have to project all of these things they hit about themselves onto you and yet it's like there's no end to the abuse and to the devaluation there's no end to the contempt and the humiliation and the reason why and a lot of you may not have caught on to this but the reason why there's no cut off point for the abuse and the devaluation and it just keeps going on and on it's because every time that they abuse you it resurfaces their shame and then they start to feel a lot of pain but then they can't regulate their own emotions at least not from within so their way of regulating their emotions is to abuse you so they're stuck in this cycle of endlessly abusing you to suppress their shame to keep it down momentarily and that's why when you look at them they're always so miserable because they're doing all of these things to you and they're never reflecting on their shame they're never trying to process these emotions this envy and jealousy towards you they're just constantly blaming you and abusing you because they can't regulate their emotions from within even when they experience the shame from abusing you they just abuse you even more to try to deflect it and suppress it so they're stuck in this cycle and it becomes an addiction to where they just can't stop and they always have to keep you down and make you believe that something is wrong with you that you are beneath them because again that just regulates their emotions and just imagine for them it is of course an incredible feeling because this person, you you're very special you're very powerful you're very gifted you're empathic and that's why they like to be around you because they're very envious of you it's no good for them if they're envious of someone and that person has the independence and freedom where they can go off on their own and do whatever they want because then they can't manage their envy they can't manage their feelings of inferiority so when they're deeply envious of someone they want to be very close to them so that they can manage and control this person that they are envious of because otherwise it's going to affect them and it's an incredible feeling for them compared to how they usually feel when they can manage and control you and keep you down this person that they are deeply envious of because normally they view you as being greater than them but then when they can abuse and devalue you and humiliate you and say all of these things to other people about you when they can do all of these things it makes them feel like they are above you so just imagine how that feels for a narcissist when they can target this person that they're envious of this person who they view as being above them and then they can keep them down stop them from getting ahead stop them from doing better and then just imagine how it would otherwise feel if they didn't have control over you and you could go on and do what you wanted to do and they couldn't control you and you just exceeded their expectations and you became far superior to them that would make them feel like shit they wouldn't be able to cope with those feelings because they can't regulate their emotions from within they can't regulate their envy and jealousy which is why you may notice this not only with yourself but other people that the narcissist is envious of when they are envious of someone they want to keep them very close they want to be near them at all times because people who they are envious of typically become an extension of them and they use these people as external regulators to regulate their emotions to regulate their sense of inferiority but they feel like they're nothing in comparison to you and you will know that they are envious of you because despite what they say all of these things that are meant to be wrong or bad about you they don't want you to be good or better they don't want you to improve yourself they don't want you to fix anything that they say is wrong they don't want you to do any of that and instead they want to keep you down which is why you will see if you ever achieve anything they will minimise it they will play it down or they will discredit you and they will never encourage you in anything positive or productive if anything they will discourage you they will make you think that you can't do it and so you can't be anything they will try to keep you down while also blaming you at the same time because again you're just an extension of them you are a narcissistic extension an external regulator for their emotions which they can't regulate from within which is why at times it will feel like it just doesn't make any sense because on one hand they are pointing out all of these things wrong with you but then whenever you try to fix it or to do better then they discourage you and they will even sabotage your success which may give you cognitive dissonance when really they don't want you to do better or be better because they already feel inferior to you and they are very envious and jealous of you an envious person desires to have the qualities, skills, possessions, abilities or the luck that you have they will notice that they try to take all of these things away and they also feel like you're taking something away from them because they're jealous and yet they have this arrogance and sense of entitlement where they feel that they are more deserving than you are when there's never any reason or justification for them to even think that to begin with because what have they ever done for you and yet they have all of this entitlement towards you which again when someone has this entitlement and arrogance without any equal exchange or reciprocation that's envy and narcissists don't really want you to figure this out they don't want you to know that they are envious of you and that they do feel inferior to you but just look at their actions they're very envious of your pride of your satisfaction in yourself and your own achievements of your happiness and contentment which is why all they ever try to do is take these things away they try to shame, embarrass and humiliate you they try to take you down a notch because it's not like that for them they don't have that same sense of pride it's not real for them and they don't get to experience that happiness and contentment they're not really satisfied with themselves although at times they may pretend to be so yes this is the reality of it the narcissist is actually envious of you and anyone who is narcissistic towards you but they're self-absorbed and they have a lack of empathy and they have this arrogance and sense of entitlement the roots of these behaviors and even things like manipulation love bombing abuse devaluation it's even ghosting all of these behaviors, the root of it is envy they do it because they're desiring to take something away from you and most often it is your peace and happiness your joy all of the things that they don't have but when they do these things they take it from you and worst of all envy is that you like yourself you're happy with yourself you enjoy your own company because they don't like themselves they're not happy with themselves and they do not enjoy their own company anything they try to take away from you you should identify it and know that they're trying to take it away because they don't have it they don't get to experience it and this envy it is self-destructive because they're constantly focusing on you they're observing you as a result of their envy because they're constantly comparing themselves to you especially with their emotional state they're always trying to keep you down to manage their emotions so they're not even focusing on themselves or their own lives they're just wasting their time on you and it becomes an addiction because of course no matter what they do especially as empaths we don't just stay down forever we come back up we may feel sad or disappointed about something that they have done but then in the next moment we could be happy and at peace again so then they're always looking at what do I have to do next to keep this person down so that I can feel better about myself it's just constantly running through their mind and it drives them crazy just looking at someone who is happy and at peace and they're living their life they're just enjoying this world in someone like that it drives a narcissist insane to where they have these obsessive thoughts about you because you just got to look at their actions thoughts lead to actions so they're constantly thinking about you I know I may seem quite distracted in this video there is quite a lot of banging above my head in the room above I've actually travelled around the entire country of Vietnam I've stayed at about 30 different rooms, different hotels but every room I stay in there's always a lot of banging above my head in the room above so you may notice in my videos that I often seem distracted but normally, especially if you watch my past videos you will know that I don't typically get distracted at all I'm usually very focused but yes, if you can hear a lot of banging in the background it's coming from this room above but yes, this is what narcissists do and some of their behaviours especially if you're detached from it and you're looking at it as an observer it will seem very childish and immature and the reason for that is because these behaviours they're things that they learned in childhood they learned these things at a very young age to manipulate or irritate their parents or siblings and then they just adapted these childish and immature behaviours to then use on adults as they grew older anything to get their way even if getting their way isn't actually physically taking something away from you but even just to affect you mentally and emotionally because yes, they are envious of your mental, emotional and psychological health which is how you should already know that their mental, emotional and psychological health is not the same as yours yes, they are crazy, they are insane I mean yes, it is somewhat normal for people to experience envy and jealousy as well as all of the other range of emotions it's normal for humans to experience that but what is not normal is when these feelings of envy or jealousy lead to dysfunctional actions and behaviours to where you're going out and seeking to tear someone down but as I said, narcissists they lack discipline and self-control they can barely control their thoughts and feelings so of course it's difficult for them to control their actions and behaviours that's really what an insane person is a person who is insane cannot control their thoughts, feelings, actions or behaviours that's really what separates people who are insane from those who are sane that's what separates us and yet they try to reverse it on you where they do all of these things to you and try to drive you crazy and that's why they will often gas like you as well to make you feel like you're losing your mind and they will even go around and tell their flying monkeys that you're crazy when in fact they were just so jealous and envious of you that they just had to wind you up and try to drive you insane to where you then just reacted to it in the end if you experienced it over a long period of time yes, this is the root cause of narcissistic behaviour this is the reason why they do it it's because they're envious of you they desire to take something away from you and the abuse never ends because every time they abuse you it resurfaces their shame and their guilt but it's mostly shame, it's not that they're feeling bad for their actions which is what guilt is shame is more believing that they are a bad person they are inherently bad and then that's shame because they can't regulate their own emotions they need an external regulator that's what then causes them to further abuse you and it's why the abuse escalates over time to where they begin to normalise it and in some cases this envy can really drive them over the edge although this isn't as common but the envy can even make them kill someone because they're just so envious of that person's life they just can't bear to even see that person live because they know their life is never going to be like theirs so they will even try to take that person's life away from them or even if they don't do that they will micromanage that person to the point where that person can't even live in the way that they choose to live this is just what envy does to some people it really drives them mad to where they can't even focus on themselves or their own lives they're just constantly thinking about you the envy dominates their mind to where they're constantly thinking about what can I do to affect this person what can I do to get this person to stop thinking about themselves or their own lives because it's triggering them, it's bothering them you know that if you're constantly thinking about yourself and your own life you've got a much better chance at succeeding than they have if they were to do the same thing so they feel like it's unfair so they try to level the playing field by micromanaging you or by disrupting you or causing an inconvenience or sabotaging your success in a way it's all just to level the playing field because they feel inferior to you they feel like they are beneath you and they don't want to feel like that they want to feel like they are above you that they are greater than you so all of their efforts all of their time it goes to just that to finally feeling like they are the top dog they are this person who's climbed the mountain they've conquered you they've put the flag down, they've dominated you they're better, they're superior they're greater of course the motivation and the desire to this it all comes from them feeling inferior to you of course just because you know this just because you have now figured it out that they are envious of you you can't just go to them and tell them yes I figured you out, I finally understand I know why you do what you do I know that you're envious of me I know that you're insecure, you're inferior you feel inferior and I just want to love you I want to make you feel better I want to make you feel like you were equal to me going to them with that mindset it's just going to trigger them even more it's really just going to wind them up because then you're just reflecting back to them that they are weak, they are insecure they have no control over their emotions they have no discipline they can't even regulate themselves which of course is very embarrassing for them because even a child can regulate their own emotions even a child can regulate the envy and jealousy of another child and yet these are grown adults who can't even do that so even if you bring this information to them it will just trigger them it may even cause a narcissistic injury and then they will just further lash out at you they will just try to bring you down even more and that's the only way that it's ever going to go it's only ever going to be followed up with more abuse and manipulation it's never going to be that they suddenly have this epiphany and they realise why they do what they do they understand that the root of it is envy and then they're just suddenly just magically going to find this control over their behaviours and their emotions it's never going to work out that way because if that was ever to happen then they just wouldn't be a narcissist anymore and there is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder or even those who are just higher narcissistic traits these types of things are not going to be cured and in fact they tend to get worse with age because they're constantly feeding into it they're fueling it and all of these things like social media it's a breeding ground for narcissists but they're constantly comparing their lives to other peoples and they're constantly feeling insecure they're just feeling inferior so they just tend to get worse with age but yes this banging has been going on since the beginning of this video the entire 40 minutes it's very rhythmic seems like every few seconds but then yes it is something that has followed me around the entire country I don't know if some of you have mentioned in the comments you always hear a lot of noise in the background that's what that is if you are wondering about it but I've always had this that has followed me there was even a Twitter page that people made about me it had hundreds of followers from my city they made all these comments and marked me this was about 12 years ago the page was never taken down and since then it was just large groups of people who would just follow me around always trying to inconvenience me out of envy of course the sad reality is that there are a lot of envious people in this world and you've only got to look at YouTube pages social media just look for the comments you'll see thousands of comments on every video so many trolls, so many envious people and there's just nothing we can do with them they're crazy there's been so many situations with teenage girls with these trolls, these haters making comments about them online and they've been driven to suicide I mean a lot of times that really is the ultimate goal for envious narcissists is to just drive their target over the edge to where they don't even want to live anymore and then the envious narcissist is probably sitting back thinking how happy are you now how great is your life now how free do you feel now that you're dead your life is over believe it or not that's exactly how they think because you are an extension of them they objectify you and that is how they're able to do what they do and it's very sad but yes this does happen to so many people around the world so many people have been affected by envious narcissists, haters I know I did a video, narcissists are haters I think that got about 100,000 views it's very relatable it's definitely one that you should watch if you aren't dealing with envious people but it's really something that never goes away when you understand the disorder how it works, how it functions the abuse can't just stop if they really have a disorder if they're really mentally ill it won't stop it will only stop if it's just someone who maybe they just had some issues maybe they just felt angry in the moment and then it subsided and went away but even then it's still not normal for the thoughts and feelings to lead to actions I mean that's really what separates a normal person from someone who is mentally ill with a normal person yes they may have the thoughts, the feelings of envy or jealousy but it won't actually lead to actions or behaviors especially not those that are repetitive and seemingly uncontrollable I mean that's more typical of someone who is mentally ill someone who has a personality disorder which of course as we know is a response to a traumatic event whether in childhood or later in life and as I've said before in past videos these haters envious people they are in fact traumatized by your success and achievements your skills, qualities and abilities and their actions and behaviors are in response to their trauma of witnessing these things about you they are in fact traumatized by you even though you haven't done anything wrong you're just living your life you may not have even known that they were even there but they will let you know that they are there because they can't just be alone in their misery misery loves company so they want to share their misery and misfortune with you so then at least they don't feel alone in it but yes if you have any questions or comments about this topic let me know down in the live chat below I will read it out William Finley says they won't admit what they did to others even when they're dying yes that's very true this disorder it stays with them until the end it never goes away but in fact last night I was actually speaking to a diagnosed self aware narcissist and it's the first time that I've ever spoken to one that is diagnosed with the full blown NPD disorder and just speaking to him and the way that he was able to admit his faults and wrongdoings how he even tried to get his bosses fired and ruin their lives although these are of course very horrific things for someone to do these acts were done quite a few years ago and just the way that he was able to confess and how he was even able to say that he felt bad for what he did and he was able to talk to me about these things it actually elicited some level of respect from me and I know narcissists are typically just worthy of nothing but contempt and disrespect but for me just to see that someone with this disorder with the full blown mental illness and they can come out and admit it and even to some level feel bad for it after being in therapy for a certain amount of time I actually really respected that but yes as you said there William the majority of them they won't admit it until the day they die their entire lives they will never lie most of them they really are the lowest of the low how they live, how they commit these actions and they just lie about it their entire life they live a fake life it's shocking how a person can do that I mean with all of the shame that's why they're so miserable but they project the shame onto other people they regulate their emotions by abusing you so that's how they manage to get by just looking for the comments here DruidVW says you cut off the supply do that and your work is done give them nothing yes that's really the best thing to do to protect yourself just cut off their narcissistic supply their attention or even at times it may be the validation, the admiration I mean that's the only way you can really protect yourself and your energy but also you do need to be cautious when you do that as well because when you cut off their supply remember they can't regulate themselves so it feels like life or death to them it's like emotional starvation and then they may become aggressive they may lash out at you they may even ramp up the abuse just to try to get a reaction out of you there's really no limits or boundaries to what they do they will say or do anything whenever they think will hurt you the most just to get that reaction just to get narcissistic supply and when they do that that is how you should know exactly what you're dealing with because this is what narcissists do they will push your buttons and if one thing doesn't work they will try something else and they will ramp it up and they will say or do whatever they think will hurt you the most so when you cut off the supply you do need to be very cautious there's no telling how they might react Pete Don't Repeat says do you notice how they accuse you of being jealous at a miserable person during the discard yes they will do that as well I mean all they really do is project and deflect blame shift, gas light so the very emotions that they have they will accuse you of that they will project their envy and jealousy onto you which they will often do by triangulating you with their new supply I see we've got 131 live viewers right now but only 65 thumbs ups so if you're enjoying this video if it's been helpful to you please do give it a thumbs up down below thanks for the donation there Pete Don't Repeat but yes I'm going to have a shower now and get ready for sleep I've enjoyed sharing this information with you and I hope it's been helpful there's nothing I enjoy more than just giving people this comfort and relief from what they're going through with these envious and abusive narcissists I mean for me for a long time it was always something that I just couldn't understand I could never understand how someone could be so envious of someone else I mean for me when I see someone maybe they're doing better than me in some area of life that just motivates and inspires me to do better because I believe that I can always improve things in my life but that's really the thing with these narcissists because they manipulate and they have this false character what they're missing is the belief when they're envious of someone they don't really believe that they can improve things in their life that they can accomplish what you have accomplished or that they can develop the same qualities, skills or abilities that you have they don't really believe that if they really believe that their time, effort and energy was spent on themselves and their own lives then you would probably never hear from them they would be off doing that instead they become fixated on you with their envy because there's really no better way that they can see to spend their time because they view you as an extension of them and as this external regulator that's why they become so obsessed and they become fixated on you because they've already given up on themselves and their own lives if a person really has that belief in themselves and their life and that by giving this time, effort and energy to themselves and their life then they're not going to waste their time being envious of you so in some ways I guess we should show some compassion to them at least from afar and believe it or not but this person for them to reserve this time, effort and energy to be fixated on you to be envious of you and to even try to sabotage what you've got going on for them to get to that point they must have already given up on themselves and given up on their life even if it's just for a moment in that moment they have given up and abandoned themselves so I guess in some ways we should pity them in a way at least from afar but yes that's all I've got to say for this video this topic this is something they don't want you to figure out but now you know you've figured it out and I hope that you use this information to guide you again please show your support down below by giving this video a thumbs up let me know your thoughts as well in the comment section share and subscribe and for one of my coaching sessions you can go to my website to book it's Narcseviver.co.uk I got my Instagram as well you can follow me on there it's Narcseviver YouTube on Instagram other than that that's it for this video thank you all for joining me and as always I will talk to you in another video very soon