 All the motion spray I mean I like cranberry juice, so I'm not just saying that Juice is okay. I liked it a lot more as a kid, but I feel like now. It's just hmm It's all gonna make sense Do you prefer crann crann berry juice or crann apple? I'm sick of cranberries getting involved with other fruits I just want them to be themselves. I'm sick of it. Really and I I'm not trans fruitness is getting old. I'm sick of I I say yes to trans fruitness I think the fruits should meet the fruit and they should make the fruits the fruits should the the fruit together No, don't be afraid to mingle you can't be afraid and these next thing, you know, we're gonna have they're gonna mix with pork chops We're gonna have crann chops. It's gonna be out of Oh Don't imagine going in try the crann shop Imagine seeing the 64 fluid ounce bottle of oceans break grand chops And it's got this like reddish pinkish color to it, but it's really like cloudy because it's half pork It's like Thanksgiving in a bottle welcome now that would be that would be cranberry and turkey To the crann crann Turk cranky cranky Sorry, I keep cutting off turk and you guys have got two cranns to talk about and that's that's fine I'll just continue to you know, I'll just sit you it's fine. It's fine. Right. No, it's fine I I just I just want to say shout out to ocean spray Sponsor of this e-fap sponsor of e-fap 273 go to go to all that power dot oceanspray.com forward slash e-fap and Put in the kodi fap to get 15% off your first well never believe that sponsorship We got it. Thanks to a quib gift that's right in one of the slots There was an ocean spray thing in there and we were like wait you guys work with them. They're like, yeah, we can get you the number Yeah, quib gift an ocean spray is the it's the team up for the century Well, I say it like it's news, but most people think of both whenever they think of one, you know It's that popular um Whenever you open up a quib gift and you get that little because ocean spray they make those little like like Taster bottles like they do for the little little tiny liquor bottles You know they do that for all the different ocean sprays They do it for you know cranberry original Cran apple cranberry pomegranate cran cherry Cran job Cosmo Legitimately never used this before so I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Yeah, don't hit play. Um, oh, I didn't hit play I was trying to change my name. Okay, don't hit play anyone else either. All right. Oh I can't actually do it as a meme because I actually have my name as my thing so that he can't get away with it Or I could just I could just do it and say, ah friggy. Why'd you do that? Didn't you hear him? I mean you could but then it would say rags. So that would ruin everything And then he did it and then friggy did it and then he tried to blame me. It's crazy. It's a Didn't it says user Orly orly one of the critical errors. I'll tell you what I'm not even gonna change my name I'm just gonna let you guys handle that. I have no idea how this website works. That's okay It's really simple. All you have to do is as friggy just demonstrated You just have to press the little triangle down at the bottom left Don't don't press the actual image But if you press the little play pause at the bottom left it play pauses it for everyone else Yeah, I'm gonna bother changing my name. I'm just gonna I'll just be whoever I Okay, so as you may or may not be aware gentle viewer a Steaming Sony sludge torrent has dropped furiously all over us meaning the internet I suppose or culture as a whole and many are discussing the power the sheer power of the Webster Madame herself the Webinator Everyone knows this so well from basically everything she's been in be it comics or you know TV shows anime and all the movies She's been in before that this is pretty exciting to see her Sony Movie debut of 2024 that's the one everyone's been looking for and it finally released But before we break it down tell you what happened and wonder if you'll actually believe us because we're in that particular Sort of world of film yet again. I wanted to instead first go over some of the things they've done in the marketing that are rather amusing And so oh you're trying to build up that hype. No I like it. I don't know what the opposite would be I'm Like degrading the bringing the hype down like crashing it down Smaller you've already made the thumbnail so we're already in everyone's already like I gotta see the I'm so ready. I see madam web on that ocean spray bottle, and I'm whoo. I'm psyched up. I'm ready to go I am aroused now. I don't need to see the whole trailer again for anybody who has or hasn't whatever doesn't matter I'm just going to a particular part. So you have context with something we see later, but this is the famous meme Part of the trailer. That's what we're playing for you at home. All right, get ready. You're not ready, but here it is Not how it works I've seen that man before so who is he Ezekiel Sims He was in the Amazon when she was researching spiders right before she died That's probably with saying now I guess yes, sorry chat you will not see that mentioned in the movie at all that line They've cut it out. It's gone. I guess they Oh god, I have we have so many lines to talk about that are much funnier than the one in the fucking trailer anyway I Missed the line which one was it cuz I drew I have two sets of headphones and that one went through my the wrong one Which line was it? It's the my god. Are you mark the cyborg? No, I just I have editing headphones and then streaming headphones that I had Okay, yeah, it's okay two different headphones because one is closed and one is open. Oh Okay, we can which one do you use for which do you edit with your closed or closed had phones open the open ones are for Streaming so I can hear so everyone else can hear what you're string. Okay. That's true. Very true. I Apologize using the power of watch together. I can show you it again so you can appreciate it I'm for anyone in chat who may have missed it. I've seen that man before so who is he Ezekiel Sims He was in the Amazon when she was researching spiders right before she died Incredibly clunky and hilarious and delivered like with such Wait, are all of these gun people not they're not in the movie are they? No It's a modern superhero movie. It's you know the trailers not a movie Those are two different things weird to see the lines and visuals from things that they clearly shot and got ready Put in the trailer and then the movie rolls around and it's just not present They reshot a shit ton of this they unshot a lot of things Right, um, so Powers like This trailer essentially doomed the film to being memed Yeah, but yeah, this trailer doomed it it basically made people go like oh, this is the new Morbius then Not long after the trailer came out Dakota Johnson left W. I'd be a got a new representation at CAA for acting obviously Wait, what are these letters mean? Those are like two of the I don't know what they mean, but they're like they're just agency Is like the top Hollywood agency though. Yeah, they're just agencies very yeah meaning that um, well, so The speculation I don't think we've got any definitive confirmation But the speculation is the agent got her into what they told her was a Marvel connected movie, right? Which is all the hype for all the actors and I think there's even a quote It's not a part of this selection we've got but um that she saw I can't if it was Elizabeth Olson I think And then asked for advice on like yeah do Marvel stuff, which is funny because As much as you could even say being a part of let's say, you know, like echo is not really a part of the MCU But being a part of madam web is Hugely not a part of the MCU. This is very far away and she Like oh, well, it's a Marvel movie. It's a Marvel movie. Yeah, it's a Marvel movie Well, I mean It's a Marvel movie Technically, that's not a lie. It is a Marvel character that all they could all they had to say was it's in a Marvel connected Universe, they didn't tell her which one it was though. I'm one. I mean it is a Marvel movie. It is Just of the bottom of the barrel sea list and de-list characters This is like the grimy floor that the girl sits on top. Oh, yeah, I think that's how that went She eventually realized and then the agent was like, oh shit. Okay. Wait I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about damn. Oh, it's a bad thing I'm your agent then it would have dawned on him quite quickly that she was promoted now as a being a part of a movie That's just a fucking joke that no one cares about which is infinitely funny. Let's be honest I would I really wish that when that revelation kind of occurred that she was able to have enough time to Really chew the scenery make it super hammy Because that would have been that could have potentially saved this movie as an experience Connects them all we will get to opinions on the film after we're done with this section Don't you worry, but yes, these are the side promotional like posters for her and it's just her face It has this blank This is yeah, this is like this is what you look like when you're distracted and you're supposed to be looking at something else I think these are these are literally all the same All four of them there's one they just they just photoshopped her head on the difference it like different Oh, no that she's wearing the same outfit and all of them to her web And every time there's a web because get it web also, maybe spider-man, but no That red under sure that red shirt she's wearing I don't believe that makes The actual costume Yeah, we'll get to all I just find these posters very These are really good this makes me want to see the movie again speaking of her costume the and the image for this e-fab This was how people got the full reveal of her costume I find that That's not her that doesn't look that's not her. I think it might be Photoshopping I think that's a different human being it's a solid tie-in. I mean they Costume was was cranberry red. They were like, what can we do for some advertisement here? We'll get we'll get ocean. Ooh, that's a good superhero name cranberry red and very red. That's a good superhero I don't I'd watch cranberry red. You say sorry Yeah cranberry reds great Okay She's Gonna be webtods out there who are like this is the best fucking thing that's ever happened and holy shit look at how they revealed it That's so cool that it's on like How many Seven maybe six and they're from the same family It's not often that I apologize to other countries on behalf of my own, but I feel like it might be warranted with madam Maybe we all owe an apology just to I can't think of anything else. I as an American I can't think of anything else to apologize to Japan for Not just absolutely nothing that's right, but to be fair we actually started this one So I apologize for madam web. We didn't mean honestly the worst the worst thing to happen to Japan from America is just this influx of weeaboo's that go over there every year expecting to like all this Why is she saying stop Her premonitions she's trying to warn us to change that's at the back of the ocean spray bottle. She's telling you You see the other one where it's like oh, so they they specifically made one with your hand up Fate like right at the camera for some reason saying like stop Hold it right there crying I'm gonna get you They definitely that that hand is definitely photoshopped in there like that's that's fake I think the person is everything's photoshopped. It's a photo. It looks like that's it Those little emoji memes with let me see this. I'll just type in God. There's gotta be one of you Yeah, like J's got one. I've gone for like my little goober peepo's It's just really this would make a good emoji for the for the eFap discord whenever someone says something cringe You just have madam. Stop right there The posting cringe you stop that I am cat I'm madam web and I'm telling you to stop. Yeah, this is what I compare it to see this little peepo with his gun But you know what it does it not just get you so ready for a movie like yeah, I want to see what this girl gets up to I Didn't I haven't seen Captain America on an ocean spray bottle. I haven't seen Thanos now Where we shall go next To be fair, this this is all stuff. I found out thanks to at Nova mania 17s account collecting it These images there's there's some more stuff But I would ask because I don't think we need the watch together now I would put it in there with Twitter videos and stuff, but it gets all complicated So instead you open up this little thread that I am graciously providing you You must scroll down to things that if you can have the like this is a you guys specifically in the call if you Go to the the gifts is full promotional gifts. Oh, yes. Yeah Show that for the people at home. Please. Oh god. Oh my goodness These are great What Like after you've seen the movie though the context of these being gifts that they made yeah seems all the more like Like you're lying. Yeah Isn't it because this is just not the film like even even though it's cringe in its own way This is not like yeah, these are lies This isn't well, I mean they're in the film This is to remind you that it is a superhero film even like very aggressively even though Even though you only see these costumes for maybe like a minute total and Not even in reality and like mental flashback dreams Or flash forwards. Yes, I guess I find that all very amusing, but then you should be easy to follow next up. We've got um Dakota Johnson promoting the film On some side, but if we'll we'll sync it up for you guys in the call as well. So if you go on zero I'm there Ready? Yep. Mm-hmm. I Didn't hear two more yaps We're go to the go to the 25 second Dakota Johnson little Yeah, I see yeah, we're gonna watch it together gonna be great on Twitter Yeah, cuz it's the easiest way I can get this done, but um dog. Are you ready as well? I am I am ready I was actually going already. I just rebounded again. Oh fair enough. Okay, so Three two one go so while my character in the movie may be able to see the future I also can and I know what the future brings I know that when you see madam web, you're gonna love it in fact I think you're gonna see it twice She seems what is what is that that's weird Why don't you want my dick well Gotta get into that uh that theater That was a first take off a teleprompter Well, yeah, she would have recorded like probably 15 of those in a row. That's how that's how this works, right with these sorts of videos Yeah, but that was definitely the first Are we the only one she was willing to do that's my guess. I mean probably. Yeah, you probably want to go home at five, you know Don't want to be working overtime for madam So this next one if you can think on that already as well is a sponsored video and I don't know how AI voices the not even like I shouldn't even say yeah, you know like Microsoft Sam shit I don't know how that gets into these videos, but if you ever wondered if they would ever do that here you go I'll try and be careful with the copyright music here in there as well. It's the next one down. It's the Ready Yep. Mm-hmm. Yes. Three two one go. What if you could see the future? Oh, man, just wait for it. You get another one as well. What if you had the power to change? Really They couldn't just pay someone so no, I don't know like we're calling line. They paid so many money for this What's wrong with you? Why not you cut see the future Yeah, that's a that's really bad. Just say it. It's just two little lines If you skip to the Skip to the next video and then we we will have to provide a bit more context for those at home with this one It's been said already but the uh, you have madame web and then three spider ladies and they're all going to be You know working through this movie and you're like, oh, so anything could happen It's like well in reality as was said no Instances of them the three spider ladies gaining their powers or building their suits and wearing them and doing things in them You only get a future flash Two of them And they're both like in the context of things you have yet to see or understand the context of So there are no Spider girls in this really at all Not even really madame web in in here like madame webbiness right until the end you get to see like a snippet So with that in mind check out this next clip. Is everyone ready? I'm ready Three two one go one of the comic drawings that I saw of julio because it's always upside down Feet together very ballet Aerialist moves so I bagged and bagged and bagged to have my character drop From the ceiling because that's just what julio would have done They have a lot of photos of me just hanging upside down just waiting for action Like I feel bad for it I went to the comics and I looked at my character and I wanted to have some Connection between this movie's portrayal and the you know in the inspiration for it in the way that the posing was in the Look and with the hair hanging down and to have that kind of Oh, yeah, I feel bad. She broke first. She broke the first rule that they tell them all she went and researched the character Yeah, that was that was a dumb move That probably is why she had like less screen time or something by being familiar with the source But it's so funny to promote use that to promote it when she did the movie as that for what 10 seconds And like unironically about 10 seconds. The rest of her is just Might have been about 10 15 seconds. I would go as far as seriously I have a question. I do have a question for everybody. No, uh, what at what point did you realize? Well, yeah, well, yes, I think that's that's without a given But at what point did you realize like how far into the movie were you before you realized they weren't going to get their Suits and powers like what was the what was the moment like I think when they were in the forest Yeah, I think I at the forest because at the forest where we've got a not a huge chunk of the film is done We have no person to Like there's no mentor character. There's no costume character. There's there's there's nothing to introduce that into the film at all There's nothing has been set up. I mean they essentially get introduced as characters proper like maybe like Over a third of the way through so at that point it's just it's just like you don't have the time You don't for me. I I don't remember the I remember it was about like an hour 20 And which is probably right at toward the end of the sequence you guys are talking about and I was just like You know, I had no and I had nobody to complain to I was the only one of the theater. I was like, this is Well, it's just like I I couldn't believe that that it was at that moment I I you know when you've been baited and switched and that was exactly when I felt I suppose I find it really funny because I I guess the logic is well, we're biding our time, right? Well, we'll set them up. This is the setup for those characters for the next movie Um This movie does a really bad job of doing Oh, I mean, I think one of the one of the reasons why it took me so long to realize was because it was hard for me With the pacing of it with the like her powers replaying scenes. I never knew how far into the movie. I was Like I was just like, okay. Well, I've seen this scene multiple times now What's going and then after a while I was like no, I've been sitting here for quite a while Like there's they should have at least mentioned like Something about their powers or something like and it just never got to that point and I was like They don't have powers Yeah, well I was saying that that's what I'm saying is to ask I was when Yeah, I was I was saying that was when I realized it You you you wait for that moment and it just never comes because they the girls do not have powers They don't get costumes. They don't get powers. They're just they're just three girls That's it. They were one of them one of them is one annoying high school stereotypes. Yeah, one of them is hungry Stop you guys talking too much about the movie. I'm gone. They yet. Oh, whoops. I'm really excited about madam web Exactly, you know, I just but yeah point being with that one is practically misinformation slash, you know marketing lies like Especially knowing how much people are invested these days with actually caring about sources like that's become a big talking point It's a I think that's a bit slimy to use especially for her too because she was very probably genuine when she said that You know with the scenes that she was able to influence them in that way Got it to happen. But hey, is everyone synced on the next one? This is uh, oh wait, hold on. Hold on. Which one is Dakota Johnson now on on snl Give me just a second here. Okay. Uh, Dakota Johnson. All right. Yes, three. I'm there two one go I have a new movie coming out. It's called madam web Yeah, all right, Marvel universe and it also stars Sidney sweeney Yeah AI generated your boyfriend's perfect movie Such a weird comment AI You can't wear that and expect me to not be distracted. I'm sorry um That's your input. All right fair enough She did mention city. Sweetie. I assume that's all people know about here as well Yes, I actually uh I love to say that she's known for exactly two things and neither of them are her acting ability Well, that wouldn't have changed based on watching madam web. I'll be honest with you. No So then what's next you're the super interesting is uh, as they point out. I max 40 x and screen x posters for the film release So they are easily the best posters we've got. I was just like, um, hi god. These are like cool The well the thing is I it's it's uh, it's kind of like the lame trend a lot of films There will be these alternate cool posters But unfortunately the main theatrical one is the one where they throw every single character You know every single actor onto the onto the poster and arrange them in size order from top billing, you know down But then you get occasionally these really cool posters that are like minimalistic or I think you look at how good the poster we just we just covered all of the posters Those other images. Yeah, like holy shit. These are these are really good though Yeah, I think for you. I think you're talking about the hildebrandt style where it's like almost like the star wars posters where it builds down Is like the one that you're you were referring to Well, I mean if you're talking about the old star wars ones, those are way better than like the ones that you see a lot now Well, I'm saying like but like you were saying like where it has the main character at the top and builds down That they had the hildebrandt Yeah, I assume oh without going that far just the heads everyone's heads are always Like for instance, you see with dune 2 like that there are there are these really cool posters But they're not the main one the main one is the one where that you've got like 10 actors on the On the poster arranged inside honestly out of context this the the i max one is a really cool poster Like out of context with the eyes. I'd like that Yeah, yeah, you know, but nobody's seen it really Yes, this is yeah like that lame. It's so lame So fucking lame Usually it's so lame Usually the teaser like poster the one that comes before is really cool because it has like some kind of specific art direction going for it Like some idea you remember the ant man ones like how it was just ant man Probably small in the middle of like Because the the book is fairly old. There's been all kinds of opportunities Haked into hollywood is like well, you got to make sure that you get the actors faces on that. It's probably like stipulated i'm assuming you guys saw the uh article or the headline of that they banned the dune popcorn bucket from being taken into madame web What Like what life I mean, wait, uh, just to be clear does everyone here know about the dune popcorn bucket. Yes. Yeah. No, I don't know what what's going on Oh my god, you liar. Is there a worm inside of the popcorn that like I think that's what they were worried about Was there would be one if people were watching this which I don't I don't know how but what what's going on So I mean Just go look up what it looks like and you'll figure out Oh, is it literally just a I thought there was like a story dune popcorn bucket. They like they just banned it because Oh Oh, no For those who don't know I guess this is the promotional dude Oh, no, sorry to derail from this fantastic madame. Well, I'm so glad that I I think I'm glad that I saw this Oh, they were they were afraid that uh, this would be used for other things besides popcorn if taken into madame web So they're like Yeah, maybe for a mean I would for a meme but not, you know, like really not, you know for the purposes of You know It looks really bad Is that a sand worm in your bucket? That's a that's a great. Oh no reach in and grab my muad div Anyway, uh, have you got the next video ready real cinema, which is uh Yeah, so I guess I was going to say it's just more promotional sort of stuff But she has asked a question about a certain moment which I'm sure everybody remembers that we went over Let's get to coda johnson's opinion on it. So three two one go It was the line that says he was in the amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died Do you do you remember that game viral? Why did that go viral? I think it went viral because out of context people just for interviewer Did you did you catch that at all? No Somebody brought this up and I have no idea what it's about There were lots of memes because I think people were like What is just out of the context of it? It was just a very But isn't any sentence out of context out of context? Yeah That's the greatest interview I've He was in the amazon researching spiders True very true The best part about that interview is at first you feel bad for the interviewer because like he's trying to coax something out of Like a beam. Yeah. No, it's because he trapped himself But that's why why was that a meme and then he has to like explain it But he can't be like because it sounds fucking retarded. Yeah, you can't say that And it flips back on itself and now you feel bad for dakota because all she's saying is like yet Of course, it's out out of context. Anything is stupid And she now you feel bad for her at the end because she can't like there's nothing she could say like she has to recall This little thing is fascinating. It's like performance art or something. It's like it's really funny Oh, yeah, this is a really this it's like a weird skit. Yeah Well, and so I feel like after the what we've seen now, she's just like she just doesn't care like What is even all this stuff like no or just like that does that even sound like it's like why does that get memes? I don't know Whatever she gives once you see it in the trailer and the causes I think you can definitely guess it but explaining it to her and like oh your mother the amazon was killed by the guy Whatever, she's just sort of like yeah What that doesn't sound politically particularly meaningful what you say the way that he did but then like rag said it's like He would have to explain like oh it sounded really cringy and stupid That's why people found it funny. What do you think? I'm promoting the movie man I don't really know exactly what he expected her to say that's the thing like yeah I really hated that line. Like I don't know like you're here. He was just trying to get something Yeah, I'm trying to get something because I don't know some meme value, but like I don't know you're right What what is she gonna say to that like? Yeah, that was a really funny meme madame web shit like she's not gonna say that yeah um All right, you guys ready on the skip the next one go to the helicopter one Oh, it's always great for the helicopter a madame web helicopter. I want to make that clear a madame web helicopter Helicopter. Yes. Oh, maybe it's the one that used in the film They got this is part of the marketing that in india. There is a madame web helicopter This by the way helps explain how there's such a huge marketing budget. Where does it go? Well, let's have a look see shall we is everyone ready? Yeah, I'm ready three two one go Why It broke Oh wait, that's not why the thing No, I thought it was broken. Oh, yeah I thought it was supposed to be why but why is there a madame web helicopter? Yeah, I thought they were like building it at first. I don't know what the hell that was about I just I thought that was part of the the thing why that was supposed to do that Why but why there is a helicopter in the movie, but madame web helicopter like There's still they're still welding it together here too. That's the yeah, they are actually welding the The propellers at the top. I just don't understand how the decision was made somewhere at sony Let's part of the marketing. Let's a lot a budget to a helicopter with madame web on it That'll get people to see the movie. Is it flying around? No, it's just sitting in front of a cinema I wouldn't be shocked if this thing doesn't actually function It's probably not a real helicopter. No, it's no probably not I mean, I mean we already know what didn't perform its actual function and like sell tickets from the movies I still kicks the can down the road of a decision was made to have a fake Non-functional helicopter with madame web stuff on it sitting in front of a cinema What I just this is such a like a display of why this movie is already a catastrophe and we haven't even looked at what it's about Um, so next one is a video from the uh madame web movie tiktok Profiles everyone ready on that one 10 seconds Yes, okay It says when you're single on valentine's day three two one go You don't think this is weird It's honestly like the least weird thing that's happened all day That awkwardly cut them out and then You know that the idea is like we're supposed to we got to do memes with our The zoomers tiktok memes for the zoomers and the children What they love corporate means rocked they belong in hell corporate memes That was Dialogue Yeah, perfect And then uh a video is posted on instagram from i'm guessing the official account again more examples of what they spend money on in marketing, uh everyone ready I'm ready three two one go Oh this song man. Oh, I don't like it What is this? It's like a dating profile. Yeah, I'll let it play on repeat. I just muted it out The profile icons are like the same footage. It's like a second that reverses and Yeah, I think it's supposed to be like, you know alter ego Facebook pages my web.com is like, oh look at that. Oh crazy Because now she's if you have spider powers you can join this website I think it's supposed to be cool It's not though I'm reading uh Details let's see she starts off. I'm a new york city emt who prefers to be alone. All right. That's her about me and then Here for because I have to be all right relationship status happily single. All right Uh, well, she has she wouldn't be on my web.com if she was happy. Uh hobbies are eating chinese food. That's a fun hobby Um currently listening to sirens Uh like emt like a I thought that was like a band sirens, but it's actually just like the emt You know amy ones is Now madame web about me if you want to live you have to trust me. So that's that's good dating material there Um here for my spider girls Okay, um relationship status madame not madame Okay, okay Hobbies are seeing the future That's useful. Right. You might get hungry because you lost your other hobby But currently listening to my inner voice Hoki doki Well, well, yeah, I guess because she I guess it's it's it's implying that she was uh, you know, she's narrating there. So Wow, I get this is her profile, right? Yeah Anyway, I I want to know how much they charge to make that like the marketing people Yeah, they hired someone to we'll get you this but you gotta pay of course Like this is big potatoes. This is gonna get a lot of people drawn in to see the movie Okay, uh, so I typed in my web.com just to see if this took you anywhere and it literally just says looks like you've landed nowhere Oh Oh my god, oh man, that's my fault. I'm sorry. I'll I'll leave the website I feel like we really we were about to play one of the best ones. We can't do that without This one's a really good name Well, I guess until we'll give her a few seconds But for now we can just talk about how the nature of all of this is obviously to highlight This is not the only movie that does this. There's a reason why everything is falling apart There's uh, the the amount of budgets that are ballooned by marketing Movies that are already reshot and it's better bazillion on all this costs money All this insane nonsense costs money, you know the overarching Thought is why did any of this? How did these decisions get made? How did any of this materialize? Why wasn't there someone who said, uh, we probably don't need to spend money on the the helicopter Probably don't need to spend money on this weird Like early 2000s internet like ad thing We probably should You know, maybe not like release this picture of her holding her hands up To the camera it seems regrettable Who approved these decisions or is this just something that just happens? It just happens and the money gets spent It's gotta be It's gotta be that they pass money on to a group of people who are like, we know how to market a movie Okay, we've been doing this for years like right and then they've got a list and it's like madame copter madame poster with Madam ocean spray like yeah, this is all the normal stuff that's like it doesn't work It's like it does work. We've been marketing movies for years I think it's just a matter of Marketing generally works with all the major stuff and they just start throwing things in and because of the fact that nobody has yet Sort of noticed which is really working which isn't Right, right that that you end up with these things that probably didn't you didn't need to spend all this money on something that When when you know a trailer and running ads on tv You know or putting some on a bus is probably More than enough to let people know that the film actually exists At this point like the internet feels like the main thing Does anybody not know that dead pool of morpherine is a film that exists really exactly It's anybody gonna be shocked when they find out that that film exists probably. Yeah, like marketing Yeah, if it's telling me something I already know Like it's telling me about a movie. I'm already like aware of it's lost most of its potency Well, because we all talk about marketing budget But I don't think we really generally that much explore the marketing beyond trailers typically No, because If you look at a lot of movies, there's a lot of like weird things that get money spent on, you know Yeah, it's one of the weirder ones. I've seen in my life. So this wasn't for a movie I can't even remember what game it was. I used to go to a game convention, uh, penny arcade expo east and um They had I forget which game it was but they literally had like a Ferrari just driving around the convention center for four days And I was like, you know, everybody's going in the building where you have a demo. That's good enough You don't need to Have this hyper expensive car driving around in circles That's reminding me of um when xbox when they announced a new forza game like at e3 They would lift up like a thing at the back of the stage and reveal like the car the main car for that game And it's always just why If I recall correctly because this this has got to be like six years ago at this point But it wasn't even for a racing game. It was Doesn't make sense. What are you doing? So it's probably that it's likely that these Uh, marketing firms just have these catch-all things that they just throw at stuff and this is one of them Well, I know the one thing that I find interesting is you you know how like those 3d billboards that you see like sometimes You see videos at like Times Square or equivalent places in other countries with like 3d billboards I always wonder about that like if you spend a bunch of money to make a billboard that's only going to play in Times Square I mean, who is that you know what I mean? Like is that worth it? If you spend like two three million dollars on that is that actually worth it for like the people who are going through Times Square? Times Square though, Fringy is that uh, they actually all companies Uh that advertise in Times Square realize that that is going to be a loss specifically just for that advertisement But they want it there for like new years. So that way when it gets, you know, all the video Like for the ball drop. It's there those But there's a lot of people in Times Square at all times, you know, there are a lot of people at Times Square at all times But I guess what I'm saying is like I I wonder, you know, if you have to make something specifically That's only going to play in one location Even if it's a really popular one Is that a great investment compared to just release a trailer on the internet? Which is probably probably not. I just know I just know that like almost every restaurant and stuff in Times Square operates at a loss because they're just there for Like a stagnant standard Um Advertising area that's all it is The only reason I bring it up is because I feel like it's all these little things add up eventually right of all these things Of yeah, maybe that's not absolutely worth it Oh, maybe that's not absolutely worth it. Oh, maybe that's not absolutely worth it And then you pile them up and you realize oh, shit, we probably didn't need to spend as much money as we did on this marketing You know, let's show that beam, of course Though the webinar she's getting there Well, because jeb that was 2016. Oh, yeah, there you go. Okay. Yeah Jeb was gonna take the country by storm She's predicting the 2024 box office numbers for madame wet This is an accurate rags the amount of people that actually went in each country. Sorry each state I'm gonna keep going in my state. Oh, she's covering it up. I hope it wasn't that many 14 people went in mine apparently It makes so much sense to me that you're in 29 floridians went to see I'll just tell No, I have to look. No, I love looking Whatever dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Uh God, it's so fucking hard to find it. Oh, you're in new jersey. You're on the little numbers on the right Okay, you're you're in new joys. Oh, you must love this movie because it's really close to you I trust that when we get down the road madame web is you can go in a car and you could visit madame web When we get to that don't worry. I got plenty to say about that Ah joysy You know, you know, we don't all sound like that, right? Yeah, I think you do We don't You're putting on an accent for the sake of the for the sake of the the podcast, which I appreciate but it's not necessary You don't have to Someone said they can't wait for you to get their own promotional fringy copter We're working on it He's just leaning out of the window Anyway It's not clear on when um, Jay Longbaugh will rejoin us her powers gone out unfortunately So we will uh soldier on because it is time for everyone to see one of the best pieces of marketing Um Yes, dakota johnson is asked if she can name three tom holland spider-man movies. Some people may have seen this before, but if you haven't Is everybody's synced? Yeah, yes. Oh rags is muted that fuck What are we looking at here? I have I figure it's quick. Maybe he's he's just going to He's a dog. He's got cargo by he ran after it, you know Yeah, maybe Come on rags. This is the best. This might be the best one You do see you saw this one already This has got to be some of the some of the dumbest things I've ever heard someone say I dumbest I uh Well, yeah, I would go that direction with it It's it's I I'd style why you might have said that but like I we we could we're gonna have to just watch it I think like uh, I'm sorry rags. Sorry Jay Longbaugh, but you know, we just the show must go on as it said So you guys ready you too ready? Yes, three two one go can you name the three spider-man? tom holland movies Yeah Should I just go on faith? Yeah spider-man Here's here. He comes here. We come that's that's number one. Yep spider-man Andy's back and the other one the last one is um At uh go the goblet of spider-man Harry spider-man and the goblet of man So the impression I got from this was the she's just like fuck you whatever I don't know Goblet of spider-man They're like uh smart dumb. They're like she's like she's she clearly doesn't know them So she's just gonna fuck with the guy basically But she had to come she had to like come up with them on the spot. So it comes it's Yeah, I think so some people might interpret this as uh, ha she was like caught in a lie I don't I think she was in on the joke from the get-go. She was she was already preparing to say stupid spider-man names for films Yeah, like as soon as she said yeah with that grin It's just like oh, yeah I really wish she would have just said one two and three and then that would have been it I gotta watch the clip. I'm sorry. I I went to go to drink while jail on gnomes con and then I knocked over my thing and ice got everywhere and It was really stressful. It was really stressful. Um, but I took care of it I because you can't leave it because then you'll then you'll come back later You'll be like, oh my god It would have been water out of nowhere responsible for this Technically it was already water on the floor Man, it's true. Wow. Well, it's very true. We can we can play it one more time for good old rags and people What I want everyone to pay attention to is uh, Here like tonality. Do you think what do you think she's doing in this clip? All right? We'll go with that. So ready? All right. Yep. Three two one go. Can you name the three spider-man? Tom Holland movies Yeah Should I just go and fade? Yeah Spider-man Here's here. He comes here. We count that's that's number one. Yeah spider-man And he's back and the other one the last one is um At uh, go the goblet of spider-man Harry spider-man and the goblet of man So that was kind of amusing that was amusing. It's a good name It's a good yeah, I find it fine. I think it's chill like I don't hear he comes It would build like a profile of dakota johnson in our heads. I feel like this matches her whole like I don't care like Here for the I have to be here. So yeah, whatever I honestly think she was briefed on them ahead of time and forgot them. I that's the that's the body language I think that could have happened I think what because the first one understand is that Sometimes even the actors don't really give a shit about like, you know Any of the like they don't know anything about these movies and they don't know anything about the comics or the characters and You you think like wait, but I mean you're working on them So like presumably you know more than just people on the internet. Nope not necessarily Sometimes the reason why I say it though is because a lot of times with these interviews They're they're told the questions ahead of time Especially these like kind of yeah feel good sort of interviews like this So it really looks to me as I now that I've watched it like probably about four times It's it almost like she has an answer. She says yeah, and then She's like shit. I don't remember what they told me like it It's almost like a terror comes over her face that she forgot it So she tried to turn it into honestly this guy probably knew he was like she's probably forgotten So, you know, I give her an out I can take it on faith that you know, of course Yeah, like that was here. I hope that she's like no, no, let's just fucking do it. This will be funny I thought it was funny like here here he comes like I can under like because it's homecoming is the first one So like I could see her in her mind like Formulating this this sentence and like oh something coming coming something and then like all of a such like here He comes there we go. That sounds right and it's and then it was just off the rails from that point I don't know. I I I don't have the same rate. I have this I have the rate as soon as she said yes It was gonna be a meme. You look like there's a smile on her face like she's prepared to That's I mean she was ready to go To an extent like I think she's just she's probably too young to go too far with the don't give a fuck sort of stuff But you know like wasn't Harrison Ford asked Uh, whether or not he was a force ghost and rise to Skywalker and he said the fuck is even a force ghost She is a second generation Hollywood actress So she might have that like feeling of like I could just not give a shit like I had my dad was famous on famous Like you know, it's like well, yeah, and remember she switched agencies very likely because of this film So promotion it promoting it well after you filmed it and no known. This is like a joke You know sort of this stuff is just like yeah, okay. Here we go. Yeah, spider matter the goblet of bad Anything and if anything it might be a big brain move of if I'm in on the meme If I'm really in on the meme then I can insulate myself from the damage that this job could cause Probably the way to go it's to be it's to chew the scenery It's to play it off and be like, you know, lol, this movie's a joke and like I we're all here for memes And how spider-man here he comes You know, that's probably the way to go I can see why you would get like I just rewatched it again. Just uh, I'm just from oh my god Yeah, I know I'm a masochist like that. Oh the movie or the meme. No, no just this clip But oh, okay, that's not that's not that no, but I could see where fringy is coming from where Like it could be that she was in on it Her body language could kind of go either way It's either she forgot it or she forgot the joke because that could be it too She was like, uh, what was I supposed to say? What was the what was the meme that I was supposed to do for this I don't know I guess the thing is is that I I wonder sometimes with uh Because I remember there was like a thing I remember it was something that I saw it was it was like an interview where she was saying something along the lines of that It was crazy Shooting the film because of all the blue screen stuff And I remember that there was something in there as well where she said something along the lines of like I put so much faith in the director and I look at that. I'm like, uh If depending that could be really clever. It's like, uh, I put so much faith in her You know, I'm not used to doing it like this. So I put faith in her You know, so it's her fault if the film's not good not mine that kind of thing I'm not sure if that's like it could just be totally innocuous, but in the context It's tough to tell I don't I don't have enough information on her as a character to really know for certain well next up we have um The the actress who played Uh, the funny thing is I didn't even know their names after seeing the film So one of the spider girls you post a meme about madame web Rose is a red our fates are tied. He was in the abyssal with my mom researching spiders right before she She's fine. She's uh, she's in she's gonna be in the dc. You're sorry if she don't need this one, I guess Buy into the memes. It's so funny because I think someone could be like, what are you doing making fun of the movie? It's like, oh the movie's fucked. Let's just have fun Yeah, and then move on Um, yeah, then dakota johnson says that she hasn't seen madame web and doesn't know when she'll see it Maybe someday now a lot of people point out. Hey, it's perfectly normal for actors and actors to not watch the movies They're in it's like, yeah, but it's not perfectly normal for them to announce that to people Or to answer the question that way Nobody does this what they're supposed to do is say like, of course I'm gonna see it. It's gonna be incredible and the work that everyone did on it is amazing I haven't watched my films because I don't want to see my own performance consistently. Yeah It's so blandly said as well as like, oh Uh, next up if you're ready on the next video is a uh Is raven simone helps promote the film with a very unserious video posted on instagram and tiktok So this is paid for as a promotion for madame web. Oh, she has a psp Yes Well, so the the thing is watch this and then we can talk about uh, whether or not we think the person who made this Really took this job seriously, right? This is a paid promotion. So three two one go Uh, these sound effects. Wow Yeah, it's not gonna lie. I just turned around And yes, I would love to make a video for you Because I can gaze into the future That one's right that one's rough that's pretty horrific and that It costs money that costs lots of money I don't know what raven simone's doing these days, but I'm gonna be honest with you guys that trailer That was that was not very raven at all raven simone. That was totally not raven She's sabotaging the movie Like what are you doing? Oh, not raven Lately she's she's mostly like telling people that working for disney sucked. That was essentially what she she's been doing recently Helped promote the film Yes, uh, lastly madame web director sj. Clarkson explains why she didn't really have the spider women in the movie at all And that she felt it was too greedy to try and tell the origin story of the four heroes So She says quote. Well, I thought it would be a bit greedy to do four No, I thought it would be a bit greedy to do four origin stories. Clarkson explained. That's not really fair Is it I've got to share it. Come on. I mean first and foremost, it's madame web, right? But I hope the exciting thing about it is this is a tease and I think the origin story of the girls were given Hopefully a hint of the spirit of who they are We've tried to stick to the spirit from the comic books a draw from that and find out who they are and get a little Bit of their sass and a little bit of their character coming through But that's a lot of story to tell I think in one movie And I think it wouldn't do any of them any justice to try and sort of crowbar or cram them all into one movie So I think it's madden webs and he is kind of the development of something else underneath it But yeah, I thought that was probably too greedy. They'd be like get out So after seeing this is interesting now that I've seen the movie and we'll obviously talk about how Incredibly well characterized everyone is in the film So Yeah, I guess we'll keep this in mind for when we talk keep this in mind for when we talk about it Later in fact, I'm going to save this in a new tab just so that it's handy for later Um So the basically there's no reason why this film wouldn't do several billion I think Um, you know, it's starting off slow 24 million across. I think a six-day opening weekends You know, that's pretty bad I mean just wait till it hits india. They did such marketing there with that's right Yeah, once it hits the india market this thing's gonna skyrocket just wait to be fair that I I saw it at an indian theater and They No, no, I did You probably had if you saw it in india, you probably had more people in your theater than I did and I saw it in Real life on valentine's day. Did you go on valentine's day? Yes. Yes, I did take your did you take your girlfriend with you? No, no, no, I just I just took myself and oh, that's I asked them I asked them for a dune a dune popcorn bucket. They said no it was no They said they're they're they're too crusty. We have to clean them up Oh But there was nobody in my theater Um, which I basically I'm getting used to that now at this point. It's kind of I always think that I'm in a uh Some sort of strange horror movie or something where when I'm in a theater alone I'm like, what's gonna happen here like but I'm just realizing more and more people are just not bothering to see movies Well, because they all suck I think uh with the enthusiasm behind this film. It's an inevitability that we can expect Certain sequels to arrive Feeling oh, yes The universe is getting bigger, you know more and more amazing characters getting involved Well, I guess it's funny because someone would be like, oh, it's not making another madame web film There's like Almost certainly no, but they're never gonna stop making like spider-man slash spider-man adjacent movies. Sony will never stop Just keep doing it because they have to I feel like they're just making the movies so that way they never lose the license Well, let's put it this way, you know, when you've got spider-man no way home having a total box office gross of about two billion dollars You can afford to lose some money on a few other movies You know, you can afford to do that as long as it all helps you keep uh, keep the rights to spider-man Why would they ever give it up? I see people say Sony should sell them It's like why it's worth more if they hold them perpetually spider-man is worth so much Because you ain't getting them back ever You're never Probably not I don't know if there's even a price that you could I don't know maybe like I don't I don't know what price they would accept You'll have to get to like public domain ship before you get it back and at that point It's just like everyone has it then At this point now had this been like right after endgame and like you were saying like what what would the price be I would say that disney could probably afford it, but there's no way now. There's so many It wouldn't be for sale. Why do man? No way home made twice as much as their most successful Film which was multi-versa madness made twice that and then you compare it to a lot of other Marvel films that have been coming out recently They've been doing really badly and thing is you make spider-man for you'll make a billion dollars You know it'll make more than that. It's it's the one that's gonna make money And venom three is probably gonna make money too because venom one and two were successful And sony doesn't spend as much money on these films as uh marvel spends on their films Madam web costs 80 million dollars, which is still too high But that's you know, that's less than half of what the marvels cost to make So, you know, let's see how much which one is the bigger box up as bomb, right? Is it gonna be madam webber is it gonna be the marvels which cost over twice as much money to make And therefore needs to make over twice as much money as madam web does to be more profitable Yeah, and also with spider-man it's as a license they make money off of other things like you know The video games just the merch in general that they can that they can make for the things I think I I thought uh merchant because I thought the nature of it was that uh It was specifically film rights and all the merchandise and all the they also have the Do they I thought that was a licensing agreement that they had with marvel for uh for the spider-man games on ps4 I mean, that's a possibility, but they as of right now they pretty much control all aspects of it and Yeah, there's there's no reason there's no reason for them to let it go but on top of that it's like It it created like it's the one thing I've always I've been looking at recently is like It essentially created the template right that everybody's building off of But it got swallowed up by this uh The concept of the the connected universe, which is where we find ourselves now with it And I'm just wondering How many more of these are they gonna attempt before they like just Oh my my mic is low apparently I can I can hear you fine. I can hear you just fine As someone said in the chat that my light my mic is low And I did and because I read that now my I lost my train of thought. I'm sorry guys Maybe talking about how madam webs Her web connects all in the thing is That when when venom because the first venom cost I think it was like 100 million and it made 800 million dollars And the second one. Yeah about that much and it made something like 500 600 million dollars. Why would they basically where I was You can keep making these films and you can you can have a Morbius and you can have a madam web But even as long as venom keeps making money. It's probably worth it Well, I'll just I kind of lost my train of thought but like basically what I was got what I was heading toward was How many more of these are they gonna make before they eventually try to do this big? Um crossover film that they're heading forward I don't think they have a plan the web I had I had more of a thought in there, but the fact that I thought no one could hear me threw me off there for a second Oh, we can hear you Everyone's people in the chat were telling me they couldn't hear me. So don't listen to chat. Don't pretend they're not even there Pretend everyone in chat is naked or in their underwear or whatever And also do me favor and stay the same distance from your microphones at all times so that I don't have to lift you or lower you Um, someone else is gonna bring up is there's a quote from dakota johnson Relatively recently I guess in relation to this the production of this film. She said it's really it's a really fucking bleak Oh, sorry, it's really fucking bleak in this industry It's a major lead is heartening the people who run streaming platforms don't trust creative people or artists to know What's going on and what's going to work and that's just gonna make us implode. It's really heartbreaking It's just fucking it's so fucking hard. It's so hard to get anything made Everyone who makes decisions is afraid. They want to do the safe thing and the safe thing is really boring Interesting comment Timed comment, wasn't it? Well, and I think you got thinking about that and Oh, what's your name? Uh, new me repace said that she doesn't want to play Like strong or interesting women. She wants to almost she wants to play real characters She's tired already of like some of the scripts. She's been passed of What's been going on and I guess Yeah, like the implosion is ready to happen or is happening I suppose we should say of just like these this this shower of shit movies The people have very much noticed at this point and like even the actors and actresses and stuff They're just the pointy it out very publicly and I think that Madam webs promotional stuff is is almost evidence the we're reaching a critical point We're even like it's like you could you could imagine there would have been an interview where she looks around She's like, what are we doing? Why why why are we even doing this? So it would uh, me. I don't know just evidence that things will probably change Sooner rather than later Probably Isn't it ironic too? It's like this is considered safe Like it happens Yeah, that mindset, but then it's actually not safe at all. This is a very unsafe thing to do for making money This was a really bad idea from the start Not just because the film ended up being bad, but Madam web, you know really like if you own the rights to sony Like if you were owned the rights to spider-man and all of his characters madham web You would pick madham web over many many many many other characters that you could make a movie about Well, how come this movie wasn't made during like the height of everyone being super excited over spider-man, you know Uh I think sony doesn't have a plan. They just don't they were just sort of figuring it out as they go a lot I mean, it's reflected in that morbid post credit scene. I'm just having vultures show up. There's no plan They don't know what they're doing. They're just making films Yeah, so throw them in there and say like, oh, we're gonna go get spider-man I'm trying to think like who else they could have thrown because venom was obviously the smartest one Uh, I don't know black cat or something black cat would work. I see that. Yeah, um I'm trying to think like how about in the original origin story or something Our main character is lizard and it's just him going on lizard adventures Not against it. I'm not against that either So welcome back I'm real. Oh, hello. Hooray You missed I am I'm trying this through my phone for now Okay, anyway, Kara I was I was just saying that that I like the concept of a possible black cat movie But I mean we've seen what happened when they tried to make a cat woman This is the same rhetoric. We see what happens when they make any movie at this point, you know, exactly Yeah, uh, oh someone in chat just pointed this out and actually I've thought about this in the past Um, why not lean on the ben reilly idea Like that because then you could have spider-man without having spider-man. You just scarlet spider Hmm. I don't know. I think they're scared of uh, I think that might even be a little scared of doing other spider-man Spider-man, you know, like to some extent, I'd be clearly not because they they had not spider-man in this one. So that's Ezekiel they took a character that has no spider powers at all from What? Yeah, I can crawl around. Yeah, I'm not on ceilings, baby. I know you want to I They point this out in the movie excessively, okay, so I don't want to yeah, they take a chance of you miss that One of many hilarious jokes in this movie. I might add It's just the hits don't Fucking stop. It's just banger after banger. Oh my mouth my face hurt after this movie after I watch this movie My face. I it's all of me was in pain. I was just in pain I'm sure it's just a lot of that's a lot of pain was happening. Well, uh, Since already an hour in we should probably start talking about what happens in the film Because oh Yeah, I guess a lot of people may have assumed we've already done that we have not We've talked about everything around it, which is kind of funny because it's awful everything around it But like, you know, at least if the film is good, right? That's something Or just okay Well, maybe even bad, but not terrible, right? Um, there are people who said I got a few conflicting uh reports about this movie before I saw it I've seen someone who liked it. Isn't that crazy? Did no they were meaning Maybe They weren't being serious. They couldn't have seen it But but I heard a couple things. Some people said that the movie Was so bad. It's really funny and some people said that the movie is Really bad and it's like, uh, it's so so like it's not miserable and um It wasn't uh It wasn't just so bad. It's good. I I wouldn't recommend that people go see the movie if they're looking for a so bad It's good movie Um, it has its moments It has its moments But it it does have stretches of being kind of boring Not really much happening Uh, it's oh this movie feels like a movie that came out like 20 years too late. This is like a time vortex movie Well, since I mean we could do that sort of like opening statements maybe and since you've uh you gone there I'll I'll just go from right to left from ice cream Which would be me next and I'm gonna go ahead and agree on feels like a movie that was made about 20 years ago But I'm gonna disagree on it being boring. Actually, uh the time flew by for me I I was so uh amused and interested by all of the little flares of The writing and directing I couldn't get over how bad everything was To the point where it was surprising me and some stuff wasn't like surprising But it was still fun to just see it such normal incompetence that comes to storytelling I would indeed call it a so bad. It's good, but I would never ever say you should pay money to see this So, you know make of that what you will and uh if you have a chance to see it with friends possibly with substances You know, maybe maybe that's something you could explore in Minecraft, but like it's it's something to consider I will make this argument across probably this whole stream I think this is a very funny movie Um, absolutely unintentionally and it highly incompetently. Um, but I'm kind of glad it exists in some ways Okay, all right Lauren what you got? I guess I would say it's so bad. It's good, but there were parts where it was just you know, it was a little boring I was like I must have like drifting drifting off a few times because I was just like can you just Can can you just get powers already? Any of you like it's just like a couple girls running around and running away because you know I think it could have the potential to be so bad. It's good all all across the board if they just I don't know like bullshitted their way to getting their powers earlier in the film But yeah, there is a like a huge chunk of this movie. That's just hilarious There's like lines of dialogue like this is one part um or Execute sims I guess the name is he's talking to his uh to his uh, what his psychic She said something about uh all Yeah, she said something about the flying the girl I don't know I I didn't catch a lot of that I didn't catch a lot of that as a phone and super unfortunately. I think you're on your phone because you haven't got power back yet I think you were saying right Maybe maybe her powers back and she's switching. I'm not sure but uh freggie. Do you want to codex? Uh, I mean it's terrible. Um, but it it is pretty funny. I cackled um a few times It was really it's a really funny. It's funny at times because it it's it's it's fascinating to look at as just this amalgamation of a lot of really really really bad writing and filmmaking and and the fact that The the very film's existence is a meme in and of itself. So that contributes to it being funny um something that I guess I would add is I I don't this this film is terrible But so like every marvel film that's come out in the last few years they they're all really bad So I find it really funny that madame web is the one that's like. Ah, yeah, this is the worst It's like is it it's terrible. Is it worse than at madder? Like is it worse than quantum mania? You know, is it it was more entertaining than any of these other films I feel like the mom and quantum mania's of the world are a different breed of bad that this this is This goes back to the 2000s bad. I'm like I agree. I agree But I guess the point would be that I think that what happens is that The sony marvel films are like a lot a lot of superhero films that come out from anybody except for marvel studios Essentially get rated accurately for their quality of being rated accurately as dog. Shit Whereas for some reason marvel films will get like an extra two three points In like, you know mainstream reviews. This film sucks. But yeah, it is classic good old fashion bad Um, and it's it's pretty funny at times. It's a funny movie. It is Like I'm hoping to convince by it really does fly by like I was surprised by how quickly the film was going Where it's like, holy shit. It's been an hour. Really. Yeah, no when we had hit like a sort of Several scenes in this film. There are just moments of like, oh, fuck. We've got like barely anything left Like, uh And I think I think what it is is like, uh, maybe a lot of the boring parts I sort of was just thinking about what I just experienced and so the boring parts were noticed Well, the thing is is that even in the midst of the boring parts You get some funny lines and memes and just funny examples of a bad storytelling It is throughout there was no scene that just slides by without being a goober scene It is yeah Like seriously though, like I do hope that these films stop getting made like this shit is terrible for just Yeah, when you think about all the work that has to go into making a film and the fact that it all went to this I mean, we we've been laughing at all the promotional material, you know for the first hour of this episode But that's all work. That's all money people get hired to do all that stuff They made a helicopter all of that all in service of this I would way prefer that 80 million dollars got funneled into one or many good films rather than Yeah, but this is a funny movie. It is it's funny. It's terrible, but it is funny And for anybody who thought it was not funny at all, I will I will try and explain myself So don't worry. Some people said I'm mad. It's like, don't worry. I'll explain it. I swear And uh, oh, yes, of course Sorry, the one thing I haven't done yet is it introduced because it just felt so natural and dark hour is our guest and he's not been on eFab Hello, you may know him from such other industry giants as The critical drinkers open bar or and I'm getting this right when I say this, right? The movie cynic and little platoons podcast beast up best stream That universe show best show in the universe probably there you go So, um, welcome. Welcome, of course, but uh, yeah, we've just got so much to talk about, you know, I rushed right past it We've got so many means I I just it's just felt natural, you know, I like I just love being here Well, and now I'm just I'm just I'm just happy to be here. You can you can let us know Uh, what what do you what's your overall thoughts of this wonderful film? So I won't touch too much. You guys all pretty much nailed on the writing pretty well But one thing that first of all it did feel like it went really fast But at the same time I got so annoyed with the repetitive nature of the of the movie So not only does her powers like the 30 second jumps, you know for the first like four of them that she does She doesn't even deviate from what's going on So she'll like envision this and it'll happen exactly the same way that she envisioned it So I have to watch the same scene twice And then the repetitive nature of she has to continuously save these girls It's like the same story three times or four times I don't remember how many times she does it and it that started to get really really annoying to me I I don't know if I'm also getting jaded at this point But I don't find a lot of like the terrible writing to be funny anymore. I used to laugh at that kind of stuff now I'm just like They I get you the the the thing that gets at me Is always going to be if I feel the person who's delivering this stuff Earnestly thought it was cool or funny or interesting. I'm always just like god That's just funny in and of itself But I get what you say like in in the wider context of the industry It's like well, this is almost normal, isn't it like I guess yeah, I still watch good movies every once in a while I watched a few recently actually That wouldn't eat new ones I recommend everyone see the holdovers and american fiction and Maestro, they're all very very very very good films Uh, enjoy yourself the general feeling of it was like And I know that there was a lot of reshoots, but that's probably my favorite thing I hope we get into that about how they couldn't place this in the continuity because they had no idea where to put it But it just it seems like it was a movie that was made by people who have literally no idea what the hell they're doing No passion. No Anything Well, there's no research no passion Uh, there was research on the amazon Well, yes, there was research on spiders in the amazon the cuts like the jump cuts of uh from In certain scenes to like They didn't even do that right because usually that's the like High bad camera work and stuff and it's still not you can still see that shit so overall I I can't I could see why you guys would laugh at the uh the terrible nature of this like I said Maybe I'm just jaded at this point. I've seen so many bad movies that I don't even think it's funny anymore All right, well Um in that case It's funny or talk. I I have a much better like time and I think I find it funny You're talking about it after the fact in the moment though. I wasn't really particularly amused I guess I mean, yeah, it's not that it doesn't make sense. It's just that uh, I guess I was in the right mood for at least for that kind of experience because uh I don't know this is another interesting like fact. I don't think I'd be mad at this film I think it's just so Kind of pathetic like it's just trying and failing so miserably. There are films that make me really mad I was only really mad about it because of the bait and switch nature of the powers and all that stuff Yeah, that's That's the I wasn't like sitting there like ah, they killed my girl Like it's a mad and web such a great character. How dare they destroy this Important law like I wasn't like that but like I just felt really angry when I was like I was I was I was promised something that I didn't get here And that's even if it's on such a weird level of well even the director described it as a tease Yeah, it's like okay, so but that that's the thing that ticked me off was I don't like That kind of stuff. So that was where I I it lost me as soon as I realized that the remain however much remaining in the movie I had I was just checked out completely Well, would you guys like to uh deep dive into Madam's web I don't see why not web So we start In well actually, you know what before even the film starts it lets you know the columbia pictures are experiencing their Centennial you'd call it, right? Yes. Yeah, I would tell right. Yeah, that's awkward That's uh, that's actually her name Celebrate 100 years the woman there with the the torch and that that's madam web right there That's what it was reference. Yeah. It was um, yeah. Yeah, that's my full soul Where they would be in a hundred years and that's what they wanted to make sure it was all Madam web in in 1924 when columbia pictures was founded They said, you know what actually they said it a little bit different. They said, hey, you know what one of these days Gonna be madam web a hundred years from now People gonna love it. That's how they talk to me. Yeah It is sad though. A hundred years of filmmaking and this is where we're at like what happened. Do you like it? It was all going up to you. Okay The same last year as well because it was disney and water brothers last year and it's like, oh, what do we get for it? What do we get for water brothers 100 year for massive superhero flots? It does seem just getting like absolutely catastrophic loss. I would have to never be seen again And it does seem like what two profitable films last year maybe at most like two profitable films out of Geez, it does seem like whenever they have one of these like tribute Intros I guess we'll call it like or like at the beginning It's always attached to something that it shouldn't be every time whether it be for Anniversary or like one one example. I always love to point out Is that the uh, the stan lee one was always has been is attached to captain tomorrow forever And like it every time they do one of these it just ends up in the wrong. Thank you, kevin Which one's the oh, thank oh, right, of course suicide squad. Yeah Because you know any other projects would have been nice to have that attached to really there you are That was the one that was the one for uh Kevin Conroy. Yeah Kevin Conroy Um, so yeah, just embarrassing awkwards that this would be something of a representation of like what 100 years of columbia pictures means just like why would you even Is this oh well but uh, yeah, and and the it association with marvel is always funny too because it's just like We're bobble. Yeah No, you don't sort of down um Anyway, it's 1973 in the amazon rainforest and it's uh I've always found that that already to me is just like here because a lot of films That are made by people who are very distinct in what vision or what approach they want to have They would never entertain doing it. They would just be like no We're gonna give that away from the scene itself That'll be something that the audience can gather through listening and seeing It's like no and it's like oh, so no good films ever done. It's just like no no no no It's fine. It's fine. It's just the there's other ones that they use in this movie that are funny too. It's like, yeah It's a bit of exposition. It's almost like um Indicative what's to come in a bad way when it could be perfectly fine. Like I said, but uh, you I don't know how else to intro it other than the exposition Dialogue in this is some of the worst I've seen in a while Like it's very consistent almost every scene people talking away That's just completely unnatural to get you as much information as possible as quickly as I can Speaking of which I'll actually say this before we start Uh with I guess describing the scene, but this this entire first segment of the movie Literally didn't have to be here No, it didn't have to exist at all as we discover later No, it's true. Um, and it's funny as well because it like anyone who's been listening to this and has no idea What happens in the film they've already Got a bit of they already know this what we're about to describe happens in this scene on the scene after it They know from that one cringe line in the trailer So, uh, yeah It's the rainforest and it is uh, madame webb's mother. I guess it doesn't really matter if you were to know that now I'm on a web. Yes. She's um, that's exactly how I wrote it in my notes too. Mama webb. Mama webb. Yeah, this is doing research And uh, yeah the the guy behind her is like you think we're close She says they're almost impossible to find no one's ever captured what alive Literally like that's the first slide from her and you're like, why would you say that to him if he's bid we with you the whole time? He would know this. Yeah, like we wouldn't know this as an audience watching the film So we got to make sure that we catch up the audience by having her say this line Like funny or if this is the web of the spider that she really wants Shouldn't you like look around the tree? Maybe look under some leaves look under look on the sticks and everything around it But she doesn't do any of that. She's like, oh, we've never ever seen one ever We never found one and she's like taking pictures of the web and everything Look around look take well rags. She finds it me a seconds after this. So there you go buddy. Oh, that's good But uh, yeah, this guy is her security And he has been throughout the uh the trip apparently we do find out later that the whole reason He is her security is because he's hoping she will find the spider So that basically what I'm saying is with without context it comes across a super exposition And then like with context is even worse because he's like I said She said they're almost impossible to find and no one's ever captured one alive. He knows all of that. That's why he's there Like it is so fucking odd and um that he says I agreed to do security because I thought you were close to finding the spider It's like wait, but why did she tell you all that stuff? What Also, you would have had to agree before you even started. Yeah, this this is not a conversation you have now like He's fucking Was trying to hire people. She said I'm gonna be researching uh spiders in the amazon forest when I die So I'm gonna need some peace. I'm gonna need some people to help me out Well, what I'm saying is that she Like at the beginning she would have been no closer to finding the spider Like she would have been literally the furthest she possibly could be it'd be before she even started the journey And he and so that would not be the first thing that was said in a conversation It wouldn't be like I'm really close to finding this thing. You're not even in the country yet But like this is again already why I start to find it funny So like so the riot was like we got to translate to the audience that what she's trying to do here is real Difficult and then we got to get them information as to why this guy is even his security I know yeah, we'll have him say I'm your security because I want to find the spider that she's like they're impossible to find No one's ever found what alive like there we go nailed it Everyone's got the information All of the information has been delivered to the audience on a silver fucking plan Well, and it just keeps going she then says the peptides in the spider's venom supercharge a cellular structure Why did you even say that? Okay, why did you say that? How do you know that? Why yep, okay. All right then and then he says Uh, oh, I think she said a spider could give superhuman strength and then he says the mythical spider He said something that relates to um the people in the area having like a legend about spider people And she's like oh the spider people who run across the treetops and punish evil men with their black poison touch I'm interested in science not legends They're they're legends about spider people after seeing madam web It's way better than our legends about spider people This review is like second sentence. I'm like god. This is horrible. Like what what's going on? No, this is this is express delivery of important information They're just they're just machine gunning out these important facts You need to know as an audience member This is a mark of quality before you can even ask any fucking questions I was like, sorry, there's a there's a legend of spider people that live here who have super strength because the spider's Bit them and supercharged their cellular structures, but you can't capture them alive The spiders they were fucking peptides There's so much information all at once and then uh, he says the spiders are wasted here You like what? She says the spiders can cure hundreds of diseases Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, okay. So you like only we let them get degrees. Yeah I feel like there was a way cleaner version of this seed, but it's just like fuck. Okay. All of that just happened fine And then she has a like pregnancy pains and she says oh, she's trying to keep me from working Which I thought was also a strange line and it's gonna come up later for a really funny line But you know, it's just like whatever and he says perhaps you should rest and she says I don't have the time like oh So I guess uh, something something may be wrong with it. Okay. That's probably the subtlest they are in this movie I took that to mean that if she doesn't have a time like she's going to have the baby soon And then she won't be able to research spiders in the amazon when she died if she has the baby, right? So she has to like I'm getting in the way of your just to race the pregnancy Yeah, well, so he's been my dream it's always been my dream to die in the amazon researching spiders Why this baby that's gonna become a serious problem So he uh, he walks off and we follow him and he's like he's looking around in all the tents And he's looking for something in particular. It's kind of you get a sense of like something's going on with him That's probably not um You know on the up and up Then he's distracted because she runs into the place saying I found it. I found the spider incredible, isn't it? Something so small yet has so much power I think I was like, what the fuck? All right. Yeah, not normal lines It's not what humans say if he's been and also if he's been here for like months and months and maybe years and you know Doing this business He like sneaks back and he starts taking all the pictures with his little spy camera Flipping through the notes and everything and like dude, there's probably not a there's probably not really a hurry You know to do all this stuff. You're right. There is even out here for months and months Maybe you're not in a rush and yeah Not only would there have been thousands of opportunities to get it gradually over time But the fact that the scene treats it as though he has to get it all now and you're like, yes Um Yeah, she's she's just announcing I have found it. It is so powerful and then the guys start shooting people Uh our mystery guy. It's like oh oh dear and she says what are you doing? I don't understand The delivery was so funny. She just saw like a fellow researchers expedition people get shot And she's like, what what are you doing? What are you doing? It's so funny He's almost like they didn't tell you what had happened One of my favorite things about this was that so as she's running with the spider the first thing that just Jumped right out at me. It's just an apetri dish. It's just a like, you know, a little thing Ijar and they just they all they did they they even cg'd that spider They didn't they couldn't get a real spider for just even that scene I can understand. I'm not wanting people to get bitten It would have been they could have used they could have used just an exotic weird spider from the jungle At no one ever really knew and had it in there and they just said yeah This is the super secret spider because people wouldn't like know, you know Or you could take but a quote-unquote regular one and give it like, you know find detailed the paint I think there's a way to do that. Oh, yeah, like it's not toxic. I mean, yeah Yeah, yeah, give it a little bit of coloring make it look special What's funny is I never would have believed they would do that I would be like, yeah, they'll see you that yeah, or or we could just make a terrible looking cgi spider That's it's extremely fake looking Anyway, uh So he she says like, what are you doing? He's like, I've been searching for that spider for years And she says no we can help so many people And he says and I'm not joking. I'm not interested in helping people No one helped me when my family died the road my road is not as clear as yours I didn't have the same choices as you I don't even Why did he even need to shoot those two people? I don't know It's uh, I've seen someone describe this villain as well motivated and I wanted to die. I was like You can't tell me this when he like when she says I don't understand a normal person who has the motivation He has would be like and you never will you know, like this is this goes well beyond things you could ever understand Like takes in is like, please don't make me hurt you like that sort of thing Wouldn't even waste time explaining his motivation But no the writers were like no, we got to make her understand we're gonna make the audience understand How do we do this as fast as possible quickly say make him say I don't want to help people because I wasn't helped And my family are all gone and you know what the choices I had to make were harder than your words Somebody He sat back in his chair and said this is why After riding Dracula unfold and the last witch hunter and gods of egypt and power rages and morbius How do they do it make the big bucks? I don't understand. How do you make those movies? How do you write those movies and still get jobs in all? I don't I don't understand in there. I don't understand Viewed as bad and failed. Um not films that were bad and made money, right? Like a lot of films that were really good It actually made money for however bad that they were, you know, but how do you just consistently make bad films? Oh, they had a story credit for power rangers So they didn't they didn't write this screenplay for that, but the ideas behind the story. I guess that was theirs And I was did anybody else besides me get the sense that is all of Ezekiel's lines just felt either like dubbed over 80 yard it was just like I didn't seem like he was walking a lot of his lines felt like they were from the side A lot of them. Yeah, his mouth is moving But is he saying what he's saying? I'm not sure also I would say the body language didn't match up with how he was speaking like it would his movements weren't natural Didn't feel natural to the words Well, I was also going to say his ratio of like lines delivered to hilarity Sad is really high. I can't wait to get some of the stuff he says. Oh, yeah He has some of the most golden terrible lines. I've heard he really is goofy Um, but yeah, of course So he as a as a adult male struggles to get an item from a pregnant woman and has to shoot her Uh, he doesn't want to bear in mind, but he just has to otherwise. He can't get what she's holding It's like, yeah, okay, and um, then she uh, he leaves This to be clear. I this made me hate the mom Um, this man has a gun and he just killed two people with that gun You you are pregnant You have uh, you have a life that you're kind of responsible for and you're going to try and get into a Like a fighting match with this guy who's on his own way stronger than you But he also has a loaded firearm and he's willing to kill people to get one once So One more, but I guess I'm doing you one less in a sense because what you're highlighting is more important But uh in character She would she would not have done what she did because the whole reason she is in the amazon researching spiders right before she died Is because she wants to save her baby That's that's her main motivation for putting herself in a lot of danger as well as the kid And so you'd be like, oh well, okay You know from the movie that the baby will eventually die if she doesn't get that spider So yeah, of course she would put everything on the line. It's like she just found it She has every reason to think she could find another one As I was literally gonna say that this isn't the only spider. This isn't a singular spider. There's Possibly hundreds of them. No, this is that that's the one spider. That's why it's so elusive There's only one this all time. And so yeah, I don't worry. I brought this up I think I'm fnt here to I carve someone's sense of the like, yeah, well, you know in a way It is death. It's like well in a way. No, it's not and the the bullet would be death That is actually yeah, the bullet will kill you like it killed the two people right in front of your face seconds ago Yeah, yeah, it's like you could take the the possibility of dying while trying to find yet another spider or the guarantee of dying Yeah, I mean what's she gonna do is she she's not gonna wrestle it away and assuming she does what she's gonna outrun him Like well, just put you back to square one of just standing there being like go away I don't think it's gonna work. He's willing to kill people for this like Yeah, so you gotta find another spider. You can't find spiders in the amazon right before you die if you die Well, and she she's now officially the best person at finding them pretty much in the world Remember they've never been never been captured alive. Well, you know what you've done you've just captured one alive So how about we get that second one except for all except for that entire try We don't talk about them. Well, we are gonna talk about them right now actually So These spider people The spider people start descending from the trees and uh, what are the first things I thought about with this? It's like So what did they say the legend was not two minutes ago? The mythical spider people who run across the treetops and punish evil men with their black poison touch They punish evil men Do you know I I I think that if they were watching this whole ordeal They would probably consider the guy who shot a pregnant woman to be relatively evil But they let him escape No, he came from nothing so that he needs he like gets a pass the film should already be over they capture him and be like Fuck you man He hasn't got powers yet the spider people will fuck him up The spider people are able to carry her as they leap across the treetops at really super fast speeds He doesn't have a chance Yeah, they don't even bother to go after him No, it's just so funny because they want you to Immediately understand that these are very altruistic spider people and it's like they fucked up immediately They the funny thing is they were apparently there like the whole time. They didn't help anybody except her They were summoned by the gunshots they heard the gunshots and they crawled over and they just didn't see him. There you go Yeah He was also their name is even though ranya and I believe that just means the spiders And and bear in mind they've got some future powers as well because the guy she speaks to you later on the film He even says like the the spider bro evil spider man is is running from his fate. It's like Wait, you know what his He is gonna say like you could have done something about that Yeah, his fate could have been you caught him But but you let him go. So now he has a different fate Also the way they um, they carry her across the treetops looked horrible by the way Uh, well all of it looks horrible the way that they like swing through the air and crawl down the tree Yeah, it looks really cheap awful It looks like a I'm I mean like it looks like something you'd seen like a theater Yeah, like like I was thinking that too like uh someone was being suspended by like their feet and like going like down a Like a curtain or something like that exactly and why like why would you crawl down face first? like why would you just That's how what Why how would you crawl down if you had spider? I mean I would just I would just slide down the tree Well, one of them just jumped straight down with his little stick and he lands and he does the pose And the other one awkwardly crawls down head first Well, so what we gather quickly from this movie as a result of those guys and evil spider-man is how much spider-man's powers Without the swinging creates a lot of trouble for him Without the uh, the web shooters like evil spider-man has to do a couple of awkward things such as I will get them by getting into my car like Yeah, okay, you know because it's just like you have to reasonably travel places But it just uh it creates an awkward sense of You know like when he's crawling to him on the ceiling of the subway I guess that's as fast as he can go. You should be able to run Okay, it's really tough. It's really tough though. You just you maybe it makes you appreciate how much spider-man's Web slinging is just a perfect synchronicity with a lot of his powers as well It is it does retroactively make me pretty angry that like oh no It's not the it's not the radio activity of the spiders that gives spider-man his powers They just happen to be special spiders that out there that can do that for you Yeah, well the thing about this continuity is I don't know what they're implying about how spider-man gets his powers because he is in this Film peter parker is sort of yeah technically Uh, I don't know about for about two seconds Yeah, uh, we could talk about what we get to it. But anyway, um, she they they Allow a spider to bite her But it is unable to save her even though she would have been provided with something because it then Feeds into the baby that she you know, she's pregnant and that that is the webster herself That works fast. Yeah. Yeah, I was about to say that like it doesn't make it like If it's if it doesn't get through her well enough to like save her and her bloodstream How the hell does it get to? Cassie Like it doesn't make sense like that that's she dies within like Seconds sorry. She sorry. She gives birth within seconds of of this of this Um, I guess we give a bit of room for just Fictional thing that's happening here like in terms of it would have bitten her blood travels pretty fast around If even a hint of it gets the baby then maybe the dog you have to have time to just stay till something Within a to have the spider bite the baby. It's a delivery This baby is going to be right. They want to make a reason This doesn't this doesn't actually explain this but I think they wanted to make a reason for why she has such unique powers Because she was because it was the monk. Okay But like that still we'll get to that as well Anyway, uh, she's bitten the baby is born and then I guess they know that she's still gonna die because He tries to assure her and says the journey will not be easy But she is strong and she will come back when she needs answers and when she does I will be here for her that's what the spider-man guy says to uh Madam webs mama. She's dying What I thought was really odd what struck me is before even addressing anything he said I was like you speak english All these people do I guess. Yeah, okay Yeah, I didn't even think of that that they're just like why Okay, because they're like they're like closed off Well, yeah, they're very closed off from other civilizations, right? They're they're like a very self-contained culture and they even protective. I think of the spider stuff They they're all very fluent. Yeah, they're very they're very isolated. Yeah, so they would they probably honestly wouldn't even speak spanish If they're this I wouldn't be surprised if they're my language Yeah, they would have their own speak the spider language But maybe they spoke to her through yeah through spider mode There's like a universal spider language that they can all speak so I really love their outfits too. They have like red body paint and then they have black Like weird black webbing sort of over it It's very cool. Very spidery. Uh-huh. Well, and they're all bald except for our main guy um Of what he says is the implication that he knows the future and that she is going to come back Or does he just believe that she will even though she has no reason to think to come back? Well, I got the implication that he saw it Oh, I want to know how she gets to new york. Do they raise her? Why do they not raise her as spider people or uh a stalk? Why not why not just raise her as one of the spider people? That is not a fake rag. She must become a paramedic. Okay. All right Yes, she also doesn't have a name at this point or any paperwork. How would she get back into the eyes? That's a great question Yeah, what is this california in 2024? stinks across Well paramedic Yeah, and that's uh, that's your prologue. I suppose With all that exciting information But also all of that everything we just talked about Totally pointless and could have been removed Yeah, you don't need any of it Yeah, I'll call that literally could have just been removed. Yeah the first six minutes of the movie just Didn't really have to have to happen I mean really it's you know, like six and a half minutes Because we'll get we'll get it later. We'll get it again. Essentially later in the movie So, yeah, you are correct. Yeah, you basically get the reverse scene Really like essentially the reverse scene with a with a slight recap of it. So like why bother? um Yeah, and then we got 2003 new york, which again, I was just like No, we don't Yeah, we do we get 2003 new york All right, uh, so like why would you need that like exposition wise? I guess it's uh Once again coming into mind But I suppose it's just not as bad as anything else because if you would start the movie with her in the ambulance driving You wouldn't even need to tell us when and where it is. You'd get it. Um, hopefully anyway The recognition of all the different iconography of the era Maybe even an explicit mention But um, I don't know. I guess they don't need to get confused. So I'll accept it For the people in chat saying you get the joke it wasn't a joke. That's what the movie says I I do want to point out there was one thing that I really Have to say nice about the film And that's that the pepsi cans and stuff Are accurate to the year. I will give them that they did a little bit of research on that Well, I'm glad Yeah, that's that that's that's the one thing I was able to come up with was that they used 2003 accurate labeling Um, this is uh, yeah, so She's uh crashing through the roadway, right? She's going real fast is showing that she's putting everything on the line to make sure she can save her person in the back though No offense to dakota. I just don't buy that she really sells the scene at all And what I came to find was that she doesn't sell all the scenes smaller the entire movie. Yeah Um She's kind of like You know that the action of it the way it's filmed is very like Uh-oh, like we've got to make sure you do everything right something But but she herself seems pretty air and in the background is ben parker in the back of the van the ambulance I mean, what interesting ben himself and that he says lost pulse and started compressions Oh, she's like fuck damn lost lost the pulse. That's the that's terrible And then she says Ben. What are you even doing back there? Which I was like, oh that seems Inappropriate, you know, like the business time. Okay You get the paramedics don't just have a switch that they flick on and off for people's Pulses like depending on what the accident was that can just happen. Well, that's why you're in a hurry to the hospital What are you even doing back? I feel like she should be like jeez. Okay. I told you Yeah, because you don't I don't think you treated that way you probably try and gun for No pulse urgency. Yeah, like and then focus, you know get them panic almost or like the hospital Like professional mode has been engaged. Like this is what my training is ready for we got a thing to do Um, it's it's it's nothing like personal. This this is work mode. You are in paramedic life saving mode And so it's been and you're working as a team like a good line would have been something along the lines Like he said, uh, you know no pulse. Oh stark impressions. We're only two blocks away something like that would have got You know a little bit more serious, but yes instead. Let's just throw in a a quippy retort It's it's like all of the dialogue in this movie is really flat in first drafty It doesn't feel I mean in the acting never really It's just um It all feels cheap And just flat and flavorless and there's no character to anything It starts here and it continues for the whole movie. It's good. It's because writers especially These kind of writers tend to write everybody sounding like them So you it almost sounds like there's a conversation between Two of the same person Kind of yeah, they don't feel like distinct people. They don't act like distinct Sometimes that like, you know friends, I know like they haven't been introduced yet But like the girls it's like this person speaking like this but with a slight flavor of this It's it's never a it's they never sit it and look at it and like the ground level and be like well This person would make this decision because this is how I've built them up to this point Or they would say this because that's how I built them up to this point um The scenes were shown a very like action sort of packed I think I just try and keep you sort of in in the in the nature of it But regularly forgets what's actually happening because it'll then cut back to her and she's Doing it sort of like how do I put this like like a kappa face winky face sort of thing? Being like how you doing back there to ben who is dealing with someone who's lost their pulse Which I just feel like again, that's That's the relationship. That's the dynamic like oh someone's dying Watch out. You know better get him to the hospital But he says a roll ben. Yeah, not a great creative decision Well, so this is supposed to tell us what their relationship is, but I think it's clashing. Yeah, see their good bodies Yeah, the situation is dire Mm-hmm Because he says last time I did a trip like this. I was being shot at Then she says wouldn't want to be homesick from the army, huh? Then he says never thought I'd be this happy to be back in queens. She says you've never been shot at in queens This that's actually pretty accurate that line right there I don't know like this. This is not how you be talking to each other if someone was dying right in front of you It's uh I don't even know about the the nature of saying like you wouldn't want to be homesick in the army So it's kind of good in a sense. You're being shot at or you were being shot at the last time you did a trip Like what was it? What they're just trying to tell us that they've been on adventures before as paramedics Which you could do like way better than that We walk in with the assumption because they are I'm gonna assume this isn't their first Like their their first day Because we get that it's similar to the kind of dialogue where someone's like you're my best friend character It's just why would they say these things? We go all the way back to our time in the marine I've known you for 10 years Like that kind of shit when instead you could just have the characters talk about something that has nothing to do with anything If they have like this relaxed casual sort of back and forth Um and they're serious together um But yeah, it's it's just You're these are the things you're supposed to pick up on Based on how they act not things that you specifically try and implant in people's minds first and foremost Um and also just the way it's shot. It's just there's nothing there's nothing interesting about it It's just super quick cuts the occasional car noise And you never get the you don't the out what they're trying to say is that like the frenetic outside driving around It isn't um, it doesn't yeah, like while we were saying it doesn't match the Doesn't match her expression or like the way that the car is moving around on the inside, you know Well, I just don't like the idea that this is how they deal with someone who's dying We'll see the difference later. They they do it actual like how to deal with someone who's actually dying properly You're saying I was typing you were typing But he's blaming me the noise of their typing. I'm not blaming you. I will say No, you're not blaming me, but you need to clarify that it was you were typing not me I didn't even I'm not even reading chat. What do you mean? Everybody's chat is saying typing sounds and that is my fault. I'm not typing Good carry on I don't give a shit carry on I What I was gonna say about that though. So there is With people who deal with a lot of death whether it be uh fire fighters police or in this case emt They do tend to have a sort of dark sense of humor to get around that but not in front of patient Well, no, no, no. So when yeah when you not only not in front of patient But when you've got one that just lost their pulse That's very bad in terms of assessing the situation you have them in your ambulance and then something gets worse You know what happens then is like call out for what we need and where we need to go and what time frame we have not Oh, everything all right back there I think that's cringe. Yeah, basically No, I was That's just I was just pointing. No, you're right. I wasn't justifying it I was just saying that like yes, this is a thing that they and which leads me to believe that That's as far as it got with like a person be like, oh, I've heard that like emt's have like a dark sense of humor and it's like Yeah, but that doesn't mean they're sarcastic and they don't care because that's not That you take if you don't like actually give a shit That's what I was saying though. It's like that's that's as far as the research got there's like, oh, we've heard that This is a thing. So we're just going to throw it in there, you know Well, and the comparison would just be that they deal with people in very very bad situations later and treat them Much more serious than that one I don't know why that one's off my assumption is because they wanted to try and Show us the chemistry of ben parker and madame web himself And express that they've had many times and many adventures many many histories together and you're like okey-dokey thumbs up by gotcha I just don't think it's very well executed When I was in search and rescue one of the guys who was in charge of it was an emt And he told he would tell us stories all the time about the crazy shit that he'd have to Go through and see and a lot of the stories were really funny A lot of the stories were really gross a lot of the stories were really serious and The way that he's he was able to like you've got the sense of There were like you have to have your modes you have to be in Serious don't fuck around no jokes lifesaving mode and then you can go into All right, you know, wasn't that funny? It's incredible. Oh my goodness. I've never seen a gallbladder that swollen or you know Whatever it was So you'd have to you need you need to be able to like have the modes and have the switches on and off and no one to Be serious and no one to be sarcastic and no one to bring out the you know the dark humor Well, and like I said, it gives you indications of character that aren't meant They're not they don't want you to think this about madame web. In fact, this film tries to argue. She's actually very caring about people I was literally about to say that this does not ingratiate the her as a character. Yeah, it may be very unlikable Exactly. That's exactly where I was gonna go Um, so yeah, uh Try and pick to the roads You know you got your barreling forward in the ambulance because it's desperate to get this patient to the hospital and a skateboarder Goes into the lane right at you and the way they edit it is remarkable because both of them stop right next to each other And she's like whoa and you know the person on the on the skateboard is if you're aware of any kind She's gonna be relevant later. So he's like, oh, it's one of the spider women. Wow. And then she says You know like the you know get out of the way sort of stuff and she does move off But she flips off the ambulance when she was In the wrong lane She was driving though. She was she was holding on to the back of a dump like a like a garbage truck Yeah, then she purposely goes into the left side of the road, which for those who don't know we drive on the That's right. The correct way to drive on the road here. We drive on the correct side of the road So she's going against traffic. She's heading into oncoming traffic on a skateboard doing a flip And it's an ambulance with its sirens on an ambulance with sirens on and is mad at them as if oh, wow Fuck you guys. It's an ambulance With sirens on and going against the mechanics of she would have gotten flattened because this ambulance is Charging forward to save a life right and there's no she wasn't slowing down for a light or anything So she the brake is instant and it's amazing. In fact. Oh, it shows up in the trailer. Yeah, wonderful And also, I mean if we're going to be fair that that dump truck that the other that the skateboard Chick was on shouldn't have been moving Because if there's an ambulance coming with a sirens on and everything you stop You stop and you pull to the side of the road if you can but you stop you don't keep moving I don't think it would stop in the other lane Yeah, you slide now. Oh, no, and especially in new york. You'll get ticketed real fast in new york Oh, yeah, if you've got Yeah, if there's an ambulance coming the other way, especially if it's a two-laner like here You you stop you're stopping and you're pulling to the right if you can Over here like people will try and get out of the way of an ambulance in the same lane, but If I down and you're out of life Um, but the most accurate thing about this being is that is that she does You know, I wouldn't be shocked if a teenager in new york would flip off of the ambulance. That's pretty accurate actually Well, yeah, because they do it doesn't endear us to two of our uh semi-protagonists off the bat Well, but to co-johnson's delivery guy, she's like who flips off an ambulance. Yeah I don't know who stares there who stands there gawking at some skateboarder when you've got a dying person in the back No, that's remember that she said how you doing back there with a little winky face So it's fine. We're fine about that. It's chill Remember, he's doing compression. So it's fine All all of the check marks on the list of like characters that I don't like and they're hitting them almost with scary efficiency. Yeah So they were successful. They brought the person to the ambulance and they have been stabilized. Woo-hoo. Um, the hospital What did I say ambulance? Ambulance And Then we're they're walking together and uh Ben is like have you ever been to a baby shower and she says no I'm careful not to get roped in and and the conversation is sort of around how she avoids getting into any kind of social environments Because that's our madam. Even though her web connects them all We're getting more character building here. She is anti-social Yes And uh, I think she's even more than anti-social She's a dick. Well, we're about to get to a really good example of that. So Nurse I think says oh, I'm glad I'm caught you. She's okay And she was who the patient that you guys brought in and this little boy wanted to thank you Right. So bear in mind the scenario here is that the is it the son of the person you've just saved Is handing you a drawing In thanks for saving his mom. All right. That's the scenario and uh, She says, oh, you know what? Um, Ben Parker here. He's the one that did all the work. So uh, and then ben looks her and goes take it Take it. Just take it. Take it. Then she awkwardly does And I was already like, what are we what are we doing here? Like I get that she doesn't like to hang out with people or ever This is just a a kid thanking her for saving someone And she there's one correct thing to do when in you're in this situation and a child hands you a drawing of appreciation For saving the life of their family member You take it and you say that you are glad to do it and you don't awkwardly like decline it and say no, no, no, I'm not going to But as if that that could be as bad as it would get, um, the kid walks off And uh, well, sorry at first they they do this thing of are you all immediate family? And then uh, what's her name? Sydney. Sweetie. He's just here the camera sort of pads to her Just like hello. I'm here now and she says I'm her stepdaughter Okay Which is still immediate family. It's like Well, yeah, but then she says I think she might prefer and then I guess the dad there says I'll see you back at the apartment And the madam web and and Sydney's when you look at each other because they're in the web together, you know So they know they look and I just it just It struck me as like, oh So we're just randomly dropping these girls in and they're gonna be like see like look Oh, isn't that crazy that we met up so many times. Oh my god. It's so nuts They're always so awkward Um, she walks off the framing for her is hilarious. Yeah. Yeah, like you'll walk off and uh Madam herself turns to ben with the with the drawing and says, what am I supposed to do with this? Which again just characterizing you're like, what do you mean? What are you supposed to do with it? What an asshole But then shockingly ben parker says just put it in your pocket and then throw it away later No, some of my argue. Oh, why are you nitpicking? That's tiny. It's like why do they make ben parker and madam herself show the kids drawing about saving his family I just don't understand. You're just being assholes. I don't get it. Why are you like this? You didn't have to write them like this, but they show you you specifically when you could have wrote them as anything that you want You wrote them to be this Instantly unlikable and unprofessional right off the right out of the gate I like I said, I just I got nothing for it. I just like this doesn't help Makes people this was their creative vision. I guess I don't know So then we get more seeds of their bonding because you're just establishing their connection because it'll be banked on throughout the movie Oh wait, no not really We've actually referenced this already Wait, which thing Oh, what they're bonding we've we've already referenced. Oh, yeah, this is this is her favorite activity her favorite hobby Um and the seat opens because they're having food and it just opens with her saying come on. We both hate family stuff Yeah, it's just like Riveting dialogue And uh ben says I've kind of met someone And and madam is like, oh, what's her name? And because I guess they've got some issue with not naming peter parker or may You never hear these names in the movie Okay, so that was really really clunky and awkward. It was yeah, it's weird I when I watch this I thought at first that he was referencing her Oh, why what I thought I didn't get that at all Oh, that's the that's the read I got it at first because of how awkward it was and how he wouldn't say the name And the way that he looked at her It was almost like do you mean do you mean her is he like hitting on her? No, no That's the read I got on it because it was so weird I mean, I could I could have seen them going. Yeah I could have seen them going a route of like They're being an implication that they used to hook up and then oh, I don't want that anymore I met somebody who's who it was more into like the relate because like she's all about like Disattachment and all this stuff. Um, I could have saw maybe that take But not him meeting her in that moment I just I would have found it funny if it's like I met someone her name is aunt may Wow, you stole my joke. What the fuck? He said it to you That was a really good joke moller, that's that's the great that's the flattery That joke was so good. It was worthy of stealing and then broadcasting in front of all these That's I look all right. It's it's uh, well, no, that's fine. Could you imitate? He just imitated your joke exactly as it was Well, as people mentioned, I did do the joke on fnt. So it's nice to let other people have a chance, you know Pretty nailed it. He did That was really good. I look all right. Remember. Look all right. All right. Anyway moving on So, uh, he he like struggles to say what would be funny to be aunt may and uh, she says oh Serious She's a lucky lady like not naming the person you're interested or starting a serious relationship is a sign that it's serious I was like, what? I didn't get that at all. This is a really serious relationship. I thought maybe I can't tell you who it is I thought the whole thing maybe was just um Trying to like find a way around not saying her name Which is so fucking odd and they came up with that like oh, you're not saying her name. So it must be serious Normally it's the other way around where once you start dating someone you don't really tell people about it until you sort of have Kind of established that it's more than just like a well or two time thing You know So the idea that he's at this point with a relationship and is now Not willing to commit to giving the person's name does come across as I just had like a random thought that it would have been even funnier if like he just didn't actually know her name Well, what is aunt may's first name? I don't know. I think it's may. It's may parker. Yeah, that's that that's uh, yeah But yeah, I mean it's yeah Not allowed to say I assume because they they they actually make kind of almost an in-universe meme of not being able to say peter Uh, which is odd too Like I said, I was on fnt and there was some mention of possible like Issues with some kind of rights to say it. I just didn't I wouldn't have thought so I don't know because they can Yeah, because they could say ben parker and they can have madame web and they can do all this stuff It's short. I just looked it up because it's short for maybel. I was I think I knew that but maybe It's a good name strong name. Yeah, great maybel parker reminds me of um What's the worst like gertrude is probably the worst name, isn't it? Yeah, so her name is it may isn't her for like it like as may isn't her full first name. Sorry. Sorry. I was wrong That's all good. Uh, the worst of real names agnes agnes is pretty bad. What's agnes another one? I'm thinking about mildred That's really bad. Oh It's bad. Yeah, no hildegard's all right. I like I love the name. I like I like hildegard. Yeah Hildegard. Yeah, it's like it's someone said strong just strong nord woman's name agatha I don't mind agatha as much as the other Yeah, agatha's I Loatheer name could be worse. I think people just have a negative connotation for agatha because of uh, uh, Wanda vision Wait, so it wasn't charlie. It's kind of what's wrong with charlie? charlie charlie's fine charlie's fine olga. Yeah, I don't like olga. Oh Olga is yeah, I'm not really Yes, retchen Yes, true retchen is so pretty much don't be a person who has an old german name is what you're saying There's someone that are really cool old german names. What someone said bartholomew in the chat that name is based Bartholomew is great. Few of these I can't even pronounce Henrietta. Yeah, I don't like Henrietta. You've just added etta to Henry. It's yeah, don't do that Well, the boys added re to hen so They they're cheating too Althazar is an awesome name Taser face. Taser face is a pretty bad name. Yeah So They open up some fortune cookies And this is where you get really interesting sort of writing choices. It's so good Classic fortune cookies. It says you have a winning personality and he says, huh? Must have gotten yours by mistake And then she's like asshole It's like This is banter Who says you will and then you can't make out the rest of it She's like, whoa, what? I don't have a future Which is like a really weird thing. Okay I feel like that's something that you could do something with in a much better movie that was playing it more subtle How someone who like can change the future and can see the future gets a fortune cookie That's just like weird or wrong, you know, there's an idea you are to be announced There's an idea in there that was uh, that that that was just uh, nothing was done with in this movie Yeah, so the way that the the dialogue is it's I almost wish that they had the excuse of we couldn't film this with people together Because of coven or whatever like they used to say because that's what it comes off as it almost sounds like They weren't in the same room when they were recording these lines That is true. A lot of it would be explained by that But unfortunately, I think this is the matter of bad scripts delivered by actresses who Went very into it. Maybe uh and actors, of course Um, yeah, this definitely has that um, you know shoot it in the late afternoon everyone kind of wants to go home Just first take and that's fine. You know Yeah, so she heads home and she walks past the third spider lady cameo who is living in the same apartment building And she's like, I'll have my rent for you tomorrow. Okay. Just like a all right She says I'll I'll think I'll get your rent when you fix this damn door That would be great. That's what she says. That's what she says and uh, no, she doesn't She feeds a cat and says us strays. We got to stick together But again, every time I see something Well, just just bad ways of trying to every time I hear stuff like that. It's the right opinion like You understand the character I'm writing here and I'm like, I understand what you're trying to do Just wish you were a little more subtle. That's all She went from a baby in a cave In the amazon in peru to being a paramedic with his apartment and everything and I'm just like, how did that happen? Yeah, we missed we missed the good story the good story of how this child ended up back in new york is the How did we get this? How did we get this baby? Yeah, does it never come up that they explain that they must have dropped her off Somewhere, you know that never gets sad, right? What does it? Yeah, but like how does like Stumbled across a baby sitting in the amazon You just wonder like you wouldn't mind because they go to see the guys like you'd think he would explain Why he did it just not necessarily. He's like you don't need to know exactly why but it would be nice if he was like Yeah, to make a decision such as you know, I mean there wasn't a decision to be made there because You know like growing up in the foster care system is uh, not easy Well, I guess they wouldn't I don't know if they know much about that being a the amazon or whatever, but I I mean, I presume he speaks fluent english I was actually gonna say further to that point. Did he do it because that's what is gonna happen. You know, I mean Yeah, if you said like I of course gave you the foster system because that is where you always went Or something like that you'd be like what? You could just I don't think that makes any sense, but okay uh So yeah, she she looks at the kid's drawing and it has uh me my mom and my dad and it's like three stick drawing things And it just makes me even more mad that she was like, oh like what is this gross? um Then she folds it up and she decides she's gonna keep it And I was like, oh Did the writers want us to think that she might be cold, but then it's like see she's not actually cold They're like she already said the thing and you already had bed to say what he said When you could have had bed to say like man, you should hang on to that You know, it's it's proof that there's people out there who need you or something, you know generic Yeah, something like you have a family. It's the world Yeah, I have uh No, never mind, never mind I don't she's just a jerk like I don't know man She stores that in a box of things and then she starts looking through the amazon stuff with it In her box of things That's all of her boxes, but the funny thing is like this goes in her box of things What's funny to me is just there's only one thing I could ever gather from watching her You know with lament searching through stuff that relates to her mom in the amazon She's like, oh she so she's like sad that she doesn't get to have a mom and the Looking at the drawing of the kid who's got a family She could have had a family like she probably harbors some level of resentment for why this ever happened She doesn't know anything about it blah blah blah as the scene is about to close out I'm pretty sure they have adr because you don't see her say this He's just there's a line that's just I hope the spiders were worth it mom I was like First off they were you little jerk It's uh, it's so funny Fiders and better dialogue They were so worried that people wouldn't get the point of that scene So they were like you better slap a line on there, okay Hope hope you're happy with the indistision bomb Yeah, they might as well have put like a something in the box that was like that literally just had a spider and like a big thumbs up next to it or something Yeah, mom at that point across or like a tape that she plays some of is like I'm really happy to go to the amazon despite the risks because gosh. I just love going to places sometimes I just love spiders spiders is like my the thing I care about most in the world And I don't even know Why she hates her mom even then I still don't get it. She thinks that her mom chose to be in the amazon despite the risks and then got herself killed And thus unable to look after her as a child because reckless She got a gunshot wound. Was that This this is actually a good point of like well, what information does uh, does madam have What does she know that did actually happen to her mom? Does she only know that she was she died in the amazon question mark? Yeah, what about the rest of the family and the kin here in the the united states or wherever Yeah, because the the spider tribe did they restore the body? What about all the other explorers at the base camp? Did they say yeah, these crazy weirdos? Came down from the trees and stole her body and ran her to a cave somewhere. I don't they took her into the forest She knows it better yet. Why hasn't she happened? But who who told her that and what else did they say? Is it like who is the person literally she should have so many questions about how she's even where she is At how none of them were ever asked is beyond me because it looks like she's holding like a birth certificate from peru And one of the scenes right is I forget what is it from peru or the us? There was I think I think something in the chest was I think it had like a baby handprint on it or like a baby foot. Yeah, it did it had a baby footprint I didn't take down the notes, but I would assume that it was a peruvian Okay, so she So she got I'm trying to just go off memory here she Has a birth certificate from peru in her box of things So I guess that means that she got put through the system and is at least a citizen of peru So she must have known that the mom Got so the spider tribe must have taken her to a hospital through some through some means right So that means that the mom's body Surely was given back, right? I don't know then she would know that she would have died of a gunshot from the crazy Because everybody else in the camp. Yeah would have because other people was other people You're right. They were the people and they would have told everybody What happened? Yeah, so all of this fucking crazy. Oh, they would have known who he is too National yeah, they know who he is because they have like the photos and everything. Oh my god. I didn't think about this Oh They saw him do it. They know who he is. They know everything about the situation The webs of fader and ravelling. Oh, no, but because I don't forget there's also Wait, we just because we didn't mention it earlier just so chat. No, but when he shot the two guys They were like noticeably other people running around in the background Yeah, we saw people we saw people in the camp who are obviously not the ones he shot before he ran off Yeah, so I didn't do anything about it. No, do they tell the world because obviously madam herself would have found out One thing I'd also like to point out the smaller detail But there's lots of medical records about her having a disease that she wouldn't have been able to survive But she's fine So there was already medical records from the United States. You're right She should have known about I was gonna bring that up later when she finds out about I'm sorry. It's fair. It's fine to bring it up now because it is it's fair to bring up It's a that's more information that she should be aware of but for some reason doesn't know And by the way with how interested she is in why her mother abandoned it You'd think she may have spoken to her mother's doctor Like the especially related to the the terminal illness she had Or the fellow scientists and who were studying spiders in amazon before they died Yeah, but No, there's no like there's this massive Gap between like we were kind of memeing about it at first to like, oh, how did she get to america? but like there's seriously really important stuff that happens between 1973 in 2003 That is like it needs to be accounted for because that's important character stuff It's a really good movie. Um, so yeah, it's great. I guess we yeah, we move on to we got a new New accident happening. There's a bridge and oh wait also Who is the father? Does he ever come up? This is the father. I don't think they just briefly mentioned that he wasn't around. Oh Yeah, it's a very it's like a one-off line No, nor did she attempt to search for him. I'm assuming or maybe she did and she couldn't find anything Who knows she can't even access information that's readily available from other people So I guess information about him is probably even more impossible to find but Yes, there's uh There's a bridge situation there's a car that's like Teachering on the edge and there's a man in there. It was like, oh no, help me This is something that got spread around a bit as an edit on on twitter that the the way that it was shot It's a bit different in the movie, but it's still on them for fucking promoted it with such a horribly like edited little clip um It's safe to say that uh She she tries to get in and sort of help him and he's rescued But she's still in the car car falls and right me if i'm wrong or she hits her head on the Windscreen on the glass And one could say the web is now online It activates. That's how you turn on the web That's pretty clever visual storytelling because the shattered glass kind of looks like a web. That was really cool. Yeah Yeah, I'm sure though. We won't get a repeat of them using that visual I genuinely have no idea why it's meaningful that she needed to Hit her head on um something to make the web come online Um one could argue a near-death experience might activate, but that's not what's happening yet She has to drown first right before that would happen So like hitting her head on the thing Knocked her out maybe So she had just been knocked out at any other point that the web would have come online I guess You know, it's not unreasonable to say it's the first time she's been unknocked out Let's just call. Let's just say that Let's just say fate Yeah, fate yeah It's almost like when she meets the guy later in the film He could have they could have at least thrown in a line or two as to why this started happening to her now As opposed to 10 years prior or something I think the film wants us to believe is because she dies One quote, you know, I mean she dies for like three minutes or whatever I don't like how they're going to the car. I remember That it seems really like it obviously was teetering over the edge I was actually gonna no one seems to mention anything about how like it might fall forward They just go in and like cut the guy and grab him down and then it falls Because I guess she's more she's bigger or whatever than the guy was or whatever, but there's no There's no attention paid to the fact that the car is about to like fall in Or like that someone needs to be in the back like holding it down Or they have to tie it to another car or anything like that They're just like it might as well have been in the middle of the road with how they treat it when it's clearly like halfway hanging off Yeah protocol would need to tether to something There's gotta be yeah, there's several things to be done But you're right even a selection of well meaning aware people could have easily saved her just by Jumping and pushing, you know on the other side of it trying to keep it down Yeah, even if you've got some bystanders to just hold the back of the car that would make you know the difference, but Ah Yes, she sees some some visuals get some lines spreading around up in there in the web Verse and it's all so crazy because it's like the future and the past and the presence all merging It's incredible. She sees blood on your hands and balloons popping Which is all gonna be so fucking relevant soon. So it's kind of cool It's really decent foreshadowing actually because you will see balloons pop later I just want to just want to make sure we appreciate the film for that and um Yeah, she she drowned and for three minutes and a good old ben parker jumps in saves her and brings her back and That has She wakes up and she's been yeah, she's when she wakes up She's been pulled to the side of the water and resuscitated by ben ben has jumped in I guess he jumped off the bridge down to get her. Yep Ben is a fucking hero and there is barely any Recognition of what he's done to do that for her at all virtually none. I don't even think she says thank you Um, you might be right. If anything she seems annoyed. I think she comes across as like annoyed He doesn't say thank you When I'd be like in tears saying holy fuck you saved my life. I'd be dead Uh, yeah, I would say you might as well have said you should have just left me there I would go as far as to agree with that. I feel like drowning would probably give you quite the Perspective, uh, but I guess she was distracted by the webverse activated So uh to her it felt like nothing Because that's that's it This is strictly based on how dakota johnson performs it. I would have guessed she didn't even know she had drowned She had no she didn't even know she had trauma of any kind. She literally is just like oh, hey ben like what's going on He's like, oh, yeah, she just wakes up After being outside of the car safely on the side of the river with ben like performing a chest compressions on her Oh, yeah, I was about to say that chest chest. There's some continuity there. He's had clearly had to do some chest compressions So he's like they were accounting for that in the in the uh, they do your part A lot of chest compressions foreshadowing for the big chest compressions payoff that does come And then when she's up top on the bridge She doesn't even say like thank you either again. She's no she's annoyed. She just comes across as annoyed at him Well, so he's man saved your life. He points out the um danger to himself He says that you need to see a real doctor and have a real workup done because your stats are like terrible And then she's like no, I trust you Which is the opposite of what you would have to say to not go to the hospital Like I trust you and he just said you need to go to the hospital You understand like if he had said you need to go to the hospital Then she said like oh, you think everyone needs to go to the hospital whenever they do anything Like that would be one thing but she says I trust you They think the point of the line was supposed to be that she trusts He's taken care of her but his care includes go to the hospital. You know, I mean Which is just the most obvious normal thing in the world You fell off a bridge and smashed you add into the glass of a car and then nearly drowned You might be seriously messed up. Yeah, if anything it would be incredibly lucky if you weren't messed up It is like an amalgamation of serious injuries. You need to go to the hospital Oh, I don't know That's where she works. She works at the hospital. She has to go back there Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna say that with the The actual concussion and the the oxygen being cut off from the brain There's a possibility the rest of this movie just happens to take place in her while she's in a coma Yeah, but I think we know what happened to explains the writing Mmm Yeah, and from hit point of view She knows all of that happened in what I for lack of a better term the real world and then whatever she was experiencing and whatever Crazy world that was which by the way would be better explained by the fact that her brain was dying Like would it not like everything she saw you'd think oh because I was dead For three minutes, I guess that makes sense But no, she she instead interprets all that as I just want to go home and chill out I just wanted you to just go watch uh christmas carol. That's what I want to do So, you know, that's that Even says like her o2 is uh the levels of a dead fish so You know, but she says don't worry. It's it's already 89 I think and then he looks at it and it's not but then it becomes that because she saw it Yeah, she has premonition which is um Their way of being like oh, isn't that neat and interesting and you're sort of sitting like um Okay, this and this is what I mean by the way. There's so much garbage And the movie's like rushing on like we're already I want to guess something like 25 minutes or something in It's just like shit, man. Damn um So anyway, we got to introduce the bad guy even though he's technically been introduced We're gonna reintroduce him um and it's fucking weird it begins By having him get killed by three spider ladies And this is the the half of the footage you get to see of them in their suits maybe even more than that It's more than half. Yeah, the snippets you see in the trailer are all from this moment where The three of them team up to throw him out of a window and it's very funny because The shot of him falling It looks like something from channel awesome where they lie on the floor Put their hands up toward the camera and go no And then they green screen the background now It looks so it looks so bad Uh, which is interesting too because the implication in that Flash forward is how we I guess a vision is how they refer to it. Um That shouldn't have killed him. I don't think because he falls from great heights several times in this movie as well as gets hit by Uh, yeah, I very fast Equivalent to spider man powers you get spider man out of I mean we see it I mean obviously not same continuity, but like how far did peter fall in spider man too? And then he landed on that dumpster and that was when he had his powers were off, right? Yeah, that's right, and he survived Can't even fall john like john wick has a better back than this guy I'm telling you man. He's got he's got squirrel powers. He can't die from falling. It's not possible so Squirrels absolutely impervious to uh to falling from like to death as far as I know a squirrel's terminal velocity is not enough force to kill them I was wondering if they were small enough because that's the way it works with like a lot of ends basically insects, right? Yeah, like an insect can't generate enough force by falling to kill it because they're just too tiny. Yeah I've seen score. I've personally seen seen squirrels fall from very great distances hit the ground instantly Rock it right back to that tree and climb right back up I know squirrels are great squirrels are heights here Um, so yeah, that's his uh, he's like, oh my god. I got killed by three spider ladies. Whoa, and uh Oh, I guess I've skipped over the fact that he sold the lady in the fucking Whatever it was. Yeah, yeah Yeah That'll be relevant in a moment. He's he's he met a lady And they they had the sex and then he had his vision and he's woken up like oh, jeez That's the to make sure you understand this. I need everyone to know how these events take place Otherwise, good god, they might misunderstand madam. The villain had sex outside of marriage. Yes despicable Anyway, yeah, he dies in the vision. He's like real sad and then she says uh bad dream. He says not a dream I'm gonna be murdered one day It's He says it in the weirdest most bizarre most unhinged kind of way Possible, maybe Maybe the most weird way you could possibly say it He say he starts talking about how it's like a curse how he's been cursed with seeing his death over and over every night for years um Which is probably pretty rough But he did kill that chick in the amazon when she was researching researching spiders before she died Yeah, and then he killed her and then he got cursed and but they let him go the spider people So who knows but it's really it's a weird scene. It's so funny All of his dialogue is really badly delivered possibly adr written by like a brain dead zombie. It doesn't It doesn't even reflect close to what I think their goals are when they say these lines because Him saying i'm gonna be murdered one day. She says wow buzzkill That is like what What kind of either of you? Wow, you're an unhinged lunatic. Yeah. Yeah, that's like i'm out of game. Yeah, like are you okay? I wouldn't need a drink of water No, fringy, fringy, if you leave immediately, they'll know that you're on to them You have to play along a little bit. So they don't think that so they don't think that you're like, you know Well, she kind of did that and it didn't work out very well for her, didn't it? Like because that was the the plan was that he was gonna like kill her all along though. So I don't think she really had she didn't you know, she she would have had to do way more than Oh, yeah, she never would have been able to escape with what we know, but it doesn't preclude her from acting human, I guess Somewhat human In this movie Um, so my favorite thing about oh god Well, I was just gonna say because on the note of the buzzkill thing when he says the three faces They come to me like every night same vision as uh rags mentioned a curse. She says will we all die someday? Like what? What is this? What's going on here pay attention to what i'm saying engage like a human Man, yeah Don't you think you'd say something along the lines of what you have visions of your death as a dream or you have recurring dreams Or like what do you think it means it would reset the tone of the conversation is like, oh you like serious right now Or you fucking around like you obviously had a dream Yeah, the guy's having like a really if he wakes up in the middle of the night And he and he's like worried and everything he's telling you this stuff It's almost like is this like a cry for help Do you want me to listen like it's you really want me to listen to this and help you out or Is this not none of us would do that This isn't how a human being communicates with another human being Um, yeah, and then he says if you saw your murderers you'd try to stop them and then her responses okay Again like what's going on these two people even in the same room Did anyone tell each other what was happening? I don't know Is this a sex thing and this was changed At at that point though like the way she delivers it is If there would have been her trying to like help him up to that point and he just wouldn't accept the help Like her being like, uh, okay He would have kind of worked but the way she did like she hasn't nothing that she said led up to that point No, it's it comes out of nowhere Well, it all every single fucking back and forth comes out of nowhere because then he says You've no idea the torment of dying over and over again. I'm not going to sit back and let it happen I will find them and kill them first I feel like what the hell And you're like, okay calm down Calm down. Well, then you remember just a dream To jump ahead a little bit because we've already mentioned it in relation to this dialogue He needs information from her. He knows that she has information. He needs. Why is he telling her all of this bullshit? Yeah, it's really pointless it essentially all if anything The only thing I could come up with is that he's trying to lull her into a false sense of security But I it doesn't make sense. This is how you lull people into a false sense of security. Yes This is how you do it. Yeah Well, it was funny of course is that he's going to be torturing her for information soon So this is all just a waste of time and the context is going to help you because he wants secret information Well, what he does It's that's what it's for Oh, yeah. Yeah, exactly. The reason is that this is for us. He's practically looking into the camera as he's saying all of these things They really want to they do his motivation like four times in this movie. They really want to make sure you understand It's barely a motivation. He wants power and you don't want to die Like that's the most basic kind of villain motivation that you could possibly Yeah, like I relate to that because I don't You know, yeah, but wanting like power at the expense of like everything I was like, I don't know I don't know about that one that you had me in the first half I guess spoiler, we don't really learn anything about the nature of his life at all Like the life that he's constructed his life is extravagant and rich and wealthy and privileged But we don't know why I guess like he started a really successful business. Maybe he's maybe like a Company and then sold it at the height of the dot-com bubble That was just I was really like with his premonition powers. Yeah, that's right That was the thing is it was two two routes. They could have went either. He was using his premonition powers to like Play the stock market or something. He is in new york. He doesn't have premonition powers though It doesn't seem like you know, well, that was just a fun joke. He doesn't actually have the premonition powers He has vision, but that's it. I think yeah Well, then the other the other route they could have went is that he was using the spider to actually like cure diseases I like like some sort of medical company and they didn't go with that either Yeah, I don't know anything about him I had done that because then it starts to get like oh, so if he selfishly used it for himself But then he also decided Yeah, I'm gonna actually create a company But then it's like was he he did something that was you know in terms of using it medically It's like oh, well, that's good But how he got it was bad and his motivations were bad and then it's like an angle Imagine he wasn't even motivated by I must save myself just in general But instead he said I got to save myself so that I could save others like That would make him a bit more interesting, wouldn't it? The problem is that they didn't want to make him interesting They wanted him to just be a cartoon bad guy because that's easier Also, hi, Lauren Oh, hello. Welcome back Yeah, my internet came back like a couple of years ago We are uh Really early anyway in the film as you should probably Yeah So, uh, you haven't missed much except lots of exposition So, um, oh my god, just the most important stuff I need I need to show you this this is incredible. I was I was a lot Yes, but not intentionally So I I went looking for Ezekiel Sims. Who is this man? Why does he have all this money? I just was looking for anything that I might have missed and I went to the sony spider-man universe dot fandom com It's uh wiki right and this is all it has for his biography Okay Be here. I've I've never seen this before Biography early childhood Well early life. Sorry childhood No one helped me when my family was starving My room wasn't my room wasn't as clear as yours. It's my path. I think he says we didn't have the same options My room wasn't as clear as yours I like the implication that it's like, uh, yes, you had a clean floor. I had a dirty room I had no drawers for anything That was just what Jordan Peterson talks about if you don't have a clean room It's not a clean life. And that's what happened to him. You have to she started out with a clean bedroom. He didn't And so he had to work harder. So to be added, uh, I guess more stuff on him Investigating spiders. He was in the amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died This is in his bio This is a meme It's 1973 during a research trip involving the investigation of spiders that seakill sims gave protection to constant's web in the amazon Rainforest in Peru constant's died whilst on this research trip true The last one is the best one So this section we're because obviously we've gone through two Significant sections of the biography now we're on to the third chasing the spider girls and a subsection having nightmares Described as quote every night the same vision That's a quote from the seakill sim They actually link to the vision. They don't even tell you what the vision is. They have all this room on the side They can easily say the same vision and then they could just in like parentheses next to it of his death at the hands or something so bad Stuck on the idea that if you made a Film where Jordan Peterson was like a superhero that the villain would just be a guy who runs into his bedroom and just messes it up While he's Obviously No Since we are uh since we're here on the wiki. I uh, this is also something that I thought was very funny that I think that you should read Specifically the highlight a bit Yeah, all right. This is his abilities in the abilities section We have expert marksmanship Ezekiel was a proficient marksman whilst in peru with constant's web Ezekiel was able to fatally kill two members of the expedition in quick succession Despite his proficiency. He accidentally shot killed I like it's like you were able to kill two people point blank with a handgun. You are an expert No, he was he was aware that the closer he gets The easier the shot becomes that would be expertise wise man. That's right. Yeah. Oh my god What a great wiki Look at that one. Ezekiel uses his powers to gain wealth and influence. Where was that in the film? Yeah Who wrote the fucking thing because Wait, this the next line is the good one though Affording him access to information about facial recognition softwares by the nsa, which he they don't explain that He just steals the fucking information from her. They don't The bio is arguing that he did use his like Spider fling powers to discover the information he needed to do the things he does This is like a wiki somebody who just They're just lying Fill this out Yeah, this is all just that's the thing that that thought was funny and If someone wants to go into this and in just randomly type the words like pee pee poo poo at the bottom of the wiki You just do that and it would probably be there for years because no one gives a show No one kids I I'd like to so since I just mentioned it so he and and we hit on it the the fact that so he's about to kill This woman just a circle back to the movie real quick Like she's an nsa agent who just happens to carry all of her top secret information on top with her. Yeah, she took it to the opera Yeah, that's where you go to the when I go to the opera. I always carry my like super top secret credential Yeah, I make sure I make sure that I have every piece of identification Yeah, and then I leave it on the nightstand next to me after I fuck the guy who met me there at the opera I'd leave it right there on the nightstand out in the open. Yeah, someone in chat made a good observation He was able to fatally kill Fatally kill Well, you know when we're talking about someone like Emperor Palpatine you can kill him but not fatally That's true. That is some researchers have returned. Yes So, uh, well, what's funny is this conversation is not over it keeps Being ridiculous because after he says he intends to kill them Her response is do you know who's gonna do it in reference to like who's killing him in these visions? And again, it's just like that's that's what you've got to say right now That's what you would ask rather than a guy who's just walking out from a dream saying these people are killing me I'ma find him and kill him myself Oh interesting do go on. Do you know where to find them? No, this is the this was unironically what I would probably do if there was like a crazy person next to me You just were like you go along with it because you don't want to like antagonize him You you just act as you're going along with you like oh, okay. All right as you slowly look around the room It's not played that way. It's played. Yeah, it's yeah, you're right. You're right asking these questions It's not yes. He suspects that he's an evil man But soon it's um, I would also go as far as saying like it would have been a much better scene Had that been what she was doing She slowly starts preparing his stuff maybe gets out of bed. Just like yeah, that's so Wow, I can't believe that's happening man. That's so crazy Yeah, you know and then he slowly realizes or something because he's actually crazily unhinged, but you know, no That's not the scene. She seems to be interested and in fact to that he says Always those three faces. Can you imagine how frustrating it is to only identify people from a vision? But as the years pass there have been technological advancements to finding people if you know their faces Like this is dialogue. He then says the kind of tech the nsa have been pursuing it looks at her. She's like Did you plan to wake us up in the middle of the night to tell me this this spooky plan? I guess so he was hoping he was counting on being woken up by the vision at night When they wrote that they felt like that was natural like he's complaining about it And his problem right now is be able to find them How can you find them facial recognition software the nsa have it and that's why he's got her Wow. Oh, wow. That is that is good See it was part of his plan all along how clever is he how clever This whole time she's thinking I think god he didn't talk about this while we were fucking last night It's uh, it's non-stop because grabs her to do what we understand by the end of the movie Is he can poison people when he touches them at will? She sees him grab her right see some weird shit happening with her arm and she says what are you doing? How are you poisoning me? Just like Wow, you caught on real quick with what was happening there, I guess Um, yeah that you know, you ask he wants the password And she just she can't tell him. She's you know, it's that would be the worst thing ever And then he says I'll stop the poison if you do and I just These are always opportunities To characterize people in interesting ways and you know, if if if you're smart even remotely smart as an agent You probably know the a person who's threatening to kill you for information will probably kill you if you give him the information Mm-hmm That's the only thing that you what is he gonna do like you go and then go to work and let him know that that happened Yeah, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if she's dead and or missing her credentials can still be used for That's right. Even for the rest of the movie Work yeah, and just disappears from the face of the earth Well, so yeah that threat of I'll I'll undo the poison if you tell me she just gives her passcode immediately Doesn't even lie and then and then of course he kills her and yes, it's not a lie What if she what if she decided fuck it? I'll just lie and then he killed her and it's like oh Shit, I can't log in. What if he just forgot the numbers, you know, he must have good memory because They always do that movies I would I would just be like wait, wait, wait, hold on. Let me write this down. Okay Yeah, yeah But one wrong one wrong number and it would affect the whole movie Exactly Um, I while she was giving him the password. I was like, oh, shit. He's gonna memorize Can I memorize this too just to see and I couldn't So I was like, oh, well, you better write this down I also I'd better be able to verify it If you're a person who has to do that kind of stuff a lot, you would be able to but if you're if part like Like when I used to work in the production industry, everything has, you know, like numbers attached everything So I'd always just remember it'd be like, you know, nine four eight four six two eight three And it would just be like Someone would say that to me like that and I'd be like, okay And I would walk over and I'd be able to do it like an hour later Uh, but if you're not if it's not something you do with regularity, you're gonna forget that immediately Uh, when she dies by the way because obviously he says to her believe me It's a good thing. You had no idea today was the day that you were going to die That's probably the best I don't understand What no the best line in the movie is wait. Did you say web? Oh We've got so many lines. We're not even close to the torrent of lines I'd be curious if anyone has a Uh, number one after we go through it like make sure everyone gets all of them But that one I just I was just so struck by what does he mean? Like because he knows how he's gonna die and he's been tormented by that But at the same time that gives you a chance to prevent it You think she would have like been sad to know that this is where she would die As opposed to being able to stop it and then not die and who you he's saying it just for you She's she's dead You got it So fucking weird Oh, just like indigo said indigo chat said madame webb to the worldwide web I wouldn't put it out of the realm of possibility. Okay, but dakota johnson won't do it. I like that That's good. You gotta get these girls They could always just they could just jump it's just like to be the older Madam web if they really wanted to just find an older actress. There you go taking care of oh Oh, yeah, they can recast her this uh won't be too tough I'm sure there's gonna be so many actresses who are interested in this role 100 you know The websters versus uh venom, you know, we can do that Super interesting So, uh, she goes to find websters Nice she goes to a party And uh, they throw her a pepsi Because pepsi shows up a lot in this film, but that that's because it's a delicious beverage everyone loves mawler That's true. The I will not reveal the best instance of pepsi's arrival in this film All right, and everyone else work to avoid saying it until we get to close to the end But I will say by the way do not like pepsi. Don't like I don't like pepsi. I don't like it I I actually have I have not consumed I have not consumed a pepsi product in uh, let's see Since 2015 so I just don't don't like it. I think it's way too sweet. Don't like the taste. I'm more of a coke guy myself prefer bepis Bepis is good. Bepis is good stuff or or uh, or Oh, what's the one from daisy? Pipsi Something like that. Yeah, that stuff's good What's weird about this product placement is that she takes so long to to open up the fucking can like she like Deliberately woman moment looks at stairs at the can like make sure the Make sure the logo is the logo face. Yeah. Yeah, she's looking at it like a retard like I can One is so forced Because uh, yeah, why did they hand her a pepsi? It's like well, they can't hand her a beer Why can't you have me a beer because it's protocol you don't drink beer after dying Then she the line she has to respond to that is is that protocol? That's boring They could have and they they could have easily said well technically you're still on uh on call Because they all are in a minute. You're about to find that out So They could have easily not even done the whole dying port. They could have just been like, oh, well, we're still we're still working technically I just I don't even it's it's it's a lot like it's a little thing just to get pepsi in there because they do it a couple times just like that's uh You're just a little harder. We're just a little harder Oh, there's a special guest in this scene that I don't I don't know if you spotted him moller Resident evil three man on two man. Yeah resident evil two man. Yeah, he's in three as well He dies in that one sadly. Oh, yeah Ah, you're right. That's him. Yeah Fuck resident evil three not only did they kill him off. Yeah, we didn't like him until like it's stupid All my homies hate resident evil three the resident evil two was much better I was much better all of the resident evil movies. Fuck you I that's my favorite video. What six was the fucking hilarious one like that's the uh, That's my all-time Game series and the way that they they did them dirty. I just couldn't that to this day. I can't stand it I don't even compare them to the games. No, so bizarrely different I don't even see like the the crossover between the two. There's no there's none. I mean, it seems like it's It's its own thing entirely, but yeah, and to answer the chat. Yes, mike apps plays a character for approximately 45 seconds He does great He's really really money Again in this movie they do him dirty again. Oh, right. They do we'll get there No, no even before that Because in this party and it doesn't irritates me because they don't have to do this but they do Anyone who has ever grilled burgers on a grill Knows that you never like pressed and squeeze them with your spatula. You never ever do that I don't know why you would pushes all the fat and juice They even say that you're not you're not But they have him like doing that and there's a big flare up on the grill Because like men suck in our incompetent or whatever and she's like, what are you doing? You're you're squeezing all the flavor out of the burgers and everything Now like why why like a man can't even grill right in this fucking world anymore I love I love how you make it all these comments like the women are competent or something like what are you doing? No They're all Like this is some big It's a conspiracy Okay, like I guess I really know how to grill though. Well, well rags. They know how to grill. This is racism This is racist. This is no self-respecting black man would ever squeeze the juices out of his grilled burger Well to be fair the dialogue she says the big is a ruined about him And then the grill is passed over to ben and she says oh now they're really ruined So People are bringing up smash burgers in the chat and uh The thing about smash burgers is that they're usually made from looser like like looser ground beef and they pack them with Like eggs and stuff. So that's why you can get away with smashing it. Uh, you bet you didn't expect I'm sorry. I'm just thinking about Homer spraying all of the uh the oil on And then getting a second Even more and then just lighting it and it's a tiny little flame And now I'm thinking about lacing bring it out. What was the gazpacho or whatever? Like there's enough gazpacho for everyone It's served ice cold What was the other thing body said go back to russia Oh And then the pig getting pushed down the hill and then shooting off into uh Oh, no, I got shot out of the uh the dam right springfield dam and then shoot into the air And then you have that really good really really good You know smithy was something i'll donate all my money to the orphanage When pigs fly And then the pig We'll be donating that money now, sir. No, I still think not That's so good. Oh such a good joke and now back Homer was chasing it down. Yeah Someone needs to make that meme but with the MCU at each instant Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you got to have a good it's still good each instance is a movie Yeah, at matt like I don't know dr. Strange that at matt and then the marvels is flying off into space It's god. I know Anyway, we got an incredible scene to help us understand an an additional character so Mary parker is is hanging out in uh in this baby shower And so you have her say hi and then cassie says hi i'm cassie web. Thanks for having me And then she says your ben's partner. I'm his sister-in-law mary And then she says ben is so excited about being an uncle Like yep, and then she says I don't know what we would do without him especially with richard being away Where is he this time? It's just like what the These are the script notes. This is not dialogue. This is script Is like these are the things we need to get the audience to understand you got to find a way to make them sound normal while saying these things that give it away letting them know exactly who they are and Teasing oh look peter parker spider-man, you know him, right? Yes. That's all this is The only thing missing from this scene was them having a line like oh well since he's going to be an uncle Maybe you should just all call him uncle ben from now on Yeah, just We get aligned in that vein at certain points. So it's just so bad But yeah, the equivalent of this would be like if you did young avenger like not young avengers as young avengers as you know I mean like a a thing of avengers as teenagers or ever and it's like the 50s And they're all in a diner and then they just go around the room and each one of them is just like hi I'm steve rogers. Hello. I am tody stark. You're like You're not gonna try and characterize them in any way that would help us understand this stuff You're just doing it so that we understand the dynamic and how this fits in with what you do know Which is spider-man or spider-man getting uh sapped all over the place for this Yes, um richard is away doing his usual away things that are probably in madam web 2 We'll find out that he died And and then and then mary dies And then uncle ban will have to take a little peter and tell him about responsibility Boom, it'll be great. They've set it all up now and I think that spider-man does benefit from this madam web verse Her web Anyway, the name of the kid has not been decided yet. They're saving it for the games It's like what what games and to be fair. I've not been to baby showers really I'm not as familiar with the the antics they get up to never been no one But apparently there is they're usually there usually is like games like this, but they're always like they depends on who they are So sorry the game is me. I've been so many baby showers. I'm so popular You have to write something on a piece of paper about your mother and then the This and the baby showers bout has to guess whose mother it's written about like like He reads the factoid Fucking whatever the mother I mean, you're right. It's just So she pulls it up and it's It's like say the first name the birthday party The birthday boy It's like, I don't know The uh, there's an empty one and she's like, oh who wrote this and then good ol Cassie madam web. She's like, that's me I wrote that and some other lady is like, oh, you must have one fond memory of your mother And then she says well, my mother died in childbirth. It wasn't that bad But obviously it was bad. She died But I grew up totally healthy death in childbirth. But the birth is really rare. Uh, she chose to be in the amazon when Yes Well, everyone's just awkward looking at her and she keeps talking and she says she chose to be in the amazon when she was Close to giving birth away from medical facilities. So It just it comes off as like when you you're trying to correct a problem And you just keep making it worse. That's exactly how it comes off It comes across as just like what is wrong with you? Why haven't you planned for this? Why haven't you planned an answer? You know that your mom died in childbirth and you're out of baby shower Why haven't you prepped an answer to be like, no, I think I never met my mother. Um, you know Here's an even easier one. Don't put a blank piece of paper into the the hat or whatever they're picking out That would have been Just write my mother died in childbirth lol and if you put a blank one in people are gonna ask And what are you gonna say when they ask and apparently her prepared answer was She died in childbirth. It ain't so bad. Well, I guess it is because she died But I grew up healthy because she realized like, oh, yeah, I probably should clarify It's okay even sometimes if you die in childbirth that your child will make it She's talking to a student to be mother. You're just like, what the fuck is all of this? Well, how does your brain work, you know From a writing perspective, you can think of an opportunity. What if she lied? What if she just made something up because she didn't want to which is something her character would do Yeah, that would tell us something about how would she deal with this circumstance? Would she lie? Would she bend the truth? I guess she's just Marry or whatever looked at Ben later and was like, oh, yeah, she said that it was Interesting meeting her and then he's like, what do you see her mom died like when she was born? That was a lie if she said I love how my mom was always there for me No matter what and then she finds out she never met her mom. She died in childbirth Like you you get the direct implication But what rags just said like Chad yes, he is like, I almost wish that were the case instead She makes everyone know that and then Chad's yes You know, he's like, hey everyone. This is the case for me. They're all like, oh wow, that's Something to bring up at a baby shower that she's like, yeah, but she might say Yeah, she would say something like my mother died in childbirth and it made me realize how you know important it is to have a mother So you're you know, it's gonna be so you're so I guess lucky your privilege to you know, live in a place where people just don't die in childbirth And your your kid's gonna have a mom to be there for him And you should be really happy about that because it's something that not everyone has And it's something you should cherish They could have also went the route of like if she was gonna lie and make it up anyway Like that's the reason she got into into being an emt just to stop these kind of things from happening You know, because yeah, could do that. Yeah, that's something I learned how to do and she could have She could have said something along the lines of you know, my like we're gonna go on the lie route again You know, my my mother was a very driven person and always was always looking always wanted to find what she was looking for It could have been something vague like that. It doesn't or just I was in the foster care system I never met my mom I never knew her so I have no idea no no clue. It's my mother's a mystery So but but instead just trying to find newspaper and have to make shit up as you go along No, my mom died lol This is where it's such a bizarre fucking zeta that they just start guessing What Peter Parker's name is gonna be and they're all guessing wrong and then she says his name is and they're balloon pops And and then we don't find out and again, it's just like what are we what was what are we doing? I don't even know what what they're doing. Everybody knows everybody knows Like why even I don't get it. I don't understand why they want to be like, haha It's a mystery you already I would have preferred it if you if they like showed her saying it like lipping like the lips moving And the pop just went over it. So you couldn't know they just did nothing with it I don't even know why like they have this element of the story because it's not relevant Well, it's so let's pretend in the alternate universe that she finally reveals Peter Parker and everyone goes. Oh, that's a great name. What's wrong? I would still be like this is so fucking weird dude like We're treating this like why are they showing us this like because we know Peter Parker We know spider-man, but it's even weirder Because of the fact that they don't say it. They make bait of saying it but don't say it There's a part of me that was thinking. Oh god. Is cassie gonna say peter? I thought she might say that actually I was like, oh wow. She might actually say it She says spider-man and everyone's like, why'd you say that? She's like, I don't know And she thinks like a new web verse like wow, why did I say that? Damn The human spider that's a terrible name Since it's a thing about wouldn't it be interesting if they used um her awkward weird answer if her if she Instead of using a favorite memory She told everyone what she had gathered from Her mother based off of all the things her mother had done and the things she wrote down What she thought like what her impression of what her mother was Because this film has a massive Like there's a huge gap in terms of what we're supposed to believe she thinks her mother You know what she thinks of her mother and why so this film desperately needs to put in some information Connecting what cassie thinks of her mom and why she's actually upset at her mom I think this is the result of possibly not being allowed to say it But desperately trying to let people know this is this is with the stuff you like You like peter parker and spider-man and he is in this okay? sort of I mean the fact that they even tease their own content as in the superhero spider women We don't even get that in this they only tease it as admitted by the fucking director himself It's like damn. What's what's what do you think his name's gonna be? I don't know miles Oh Anyway, they they took turns right and so when the balloon pops it resets She's having one of her web moments which only happened later on in times of like great Suffering right or trauma or someone dying They this is like one of the only times that it happens with something mundane Which is very convenient for her I thought it would be like loud noises or You know, you're trying to piece together as these things happen. What's the connecting thing? What's the repetitive element? What's the consistency for when these powers activate? Probably shouldn't think like that with this movie. Yeah. Well This should serves me right but again with the Weird lines right so if you were in a room someone says Hey, what are you? What do you think the name above lies and you give an answer? Maybe they laugh say I don't know and then balloon pops and then I say the exact same thing I feel like there's a lot of lines you can come out with she comes out with wait. We just did this Which I find to be such an odd line that only works if you know the movie Like the scenario has happened that most human beings would go Oh, you didn't like hear what I said or didn't I I thought I said the blah blah and you say the same answer Not we all just we just did this Yeah More attention to it they might even just say man, that's so funny I I like this is hyper deja vu. I'm just I'm caught like I could swear to god You know, it's a kind of like a fun observation rather than yeah, because I could that comes across as It comes across as decently like normal ish where if someone has one of those things and they're like guys I just sorry, but I just got one of those crazy deja vu feelings here. Just a moment ago. Sorry if I was distracted Maybe something someone says the thing about it is was the like it wasn't enough information I don't think to even think that you're reliving a moment you just relived as opposed to The more reasonable way which happens on eFab fucking all the time as well as online conversations When someone says like oh, what's everyone's favorite color and maybe three people Answer at the same time another person answers and then you didn't hear at all one of them Then you go, what was your favorite and they go I said I said it and I was like, okay. Yeah, uh, well, it's this like Hearing me question that that's what I mean like why would you go immediately to wait a minute? This has all happened before I was like, well, you just assumed that she didn't hear you right or the Something For a moment you got distracted you were thinking of something else I mean, we already know that you'd rather not be here at this party. You don't give a shit Well, I think it would be better too because we can tell that it was a repeat But that she's living it and she hasn't quite picked that up yet Because she's not paying attention to all of the details and instead just goes. Oh, you must have misheard me, huh? Okay That's a set-up to build it up This is only the second instance, right of uh, of this happening Yeah, we had the um the check after she ground Yeah, and I think that is it. Yeah Yeah, because we're not up to yeah, that's right. I so she really has no reason I like I find it funny because in their minds. I probably like arcy. We're building it up. She's noticing now Yeah, I don't think We just did is the web is forming the madame is able to make use of it soon enough The web and the web connects them all. Yes madame web in thin as february 14 Anyway, um, so we have uh, a suddenly an accident is she's being made aware of and everyone's getting called in There's a big old, uh, there's it's like a warehouse filled with explosives quote-unquote And there are people who need to be getting gotten out of there and It'll prevent certain things happening. This this warehouse will be relevant late. Well, so it's they're described in the film as explosives Um, we clearly see their fireworks at certain points, but uh, they're Yeah, but let's be honest nobody describes them There's a reason we don't call fireworks explosives because fireworks is much more specific and everyone understands what fireworks are Explosives Yeah We just call them fireworks. Hmm. We have a word for them. We do that. Everyone uses it, but okay Just like because we were um, we were talking about the baby shower and babies, I guess sort of by proxy Um, I saw this meme. It was funny. I just want to share it with you guys So I just I just thought it'd be a little reprieve from the movie I like that it's cut off a bit as well. Yeah. Yeah Little touches All right, we can go we can go back to the movie now So, yeah, the the horrors are happening and you gotta go to get in there and save people and stuff and She has a flash of blood all over her hands and a big wound on a person when the person she's currently working on Doesn't have that wounds. Wait, what's going on? She's doing CPR compressions again on on a person They keep showing us that a lot of that happens and it's just uh, you know, there's no reason why it can't I'm just saying Maybe they're uh, they're just letting us know they're setting it up And uh, it's a good job that they're doing that. It's gonna make a lot of sense later And so she's um, she's seen some stuff and she gets a vibe that, um Uh, what was the what was the actor's name? You guys said you knew it, right? Mike Epps. Mike Epps is gonna be heading Somewhere in in the ambulance and she's like, you know what? Let me drive And then he says you've had a bad experience. Don't let that mess with your head Which is just like, okay. Um, she's she's like, okay. Yeah, I guess you can drive. She doesn't get in or anything. She's just Her sense is that he should not drive away I was like, hmm But then the camera stays on her as he's driving away and curves around and we see That he gets uh, he gets in a t-bone crash A big old truck slams into him Very tragic tragic music plays and uh, he's taken out of the ambulance and uh, she works on him But ultimately it's just too late and he dies Have a moment here Uh Yeah, it's really traumatic and sad Did anybody else besides me notice that truck was driving to Basically off the I don't even know where to begin. There's so many elements to this That's the one that's wrong with uh, this the way the if anyone was to check this There's no reason that he wouldn't have checked himself to the left He would have seen it come in a mile off He may have been able to brake before even getting there easily Same goes for the truck that hit him And then where were both of them going? He seems to be heading to the edge and the other truck seems to be heading to the edge Neither of them are like yeah, they're going anyway They there was they ended they even zoom out and you see that it's basically the edge of a pier that they're on it's like Yeah, and then they didn't have to add that the actual hit is pretty chill as movie car crashes go His windscreen isn't even cracked. It's the door on the left side has taken damage And when he's brought out, there's no visible anything on him except a load of red in his chest You know, how did that happen? I've seen echo so I know that random pieces of glass will appear and shard right into you randomly in a car crash Like the most deadly material in the universe. They can just chop limbs off suddenly even when they don't have an origin point So yes, he he got killed by something and they you can tell the way they shoot it. They avoid letting you know how They don't want you to know how because I don't think there was a reasonable way He would have died there if you see the accident the person in the truck will probably be okay They'll be shocked and maybe concussed but that's about it So he's dead now And um, it's just funny that we've had that and echo so close together with these tragic car accidents That don't look like they would actually do that much compared to what you know what they show us versus what actually happens Um, and you know, that's that's something she saw she's got the balloon popping and the blood on her hands And the person who's injured she's seeing the future the web is is telling her things Useless things right now, but she's developing the power. Okay, so that's what she's learning Um That's sad though you know I think it's I think it's back to the villain now. We got we got to get some more villain information because we've been Lacking him for a while. We're gonna build up both of them The villain man back in his apartment says was it worth the trouble? and uh What what has happened here is that with using the account of the nsa agent that he has now killed They have access to nsa technology Before I go any further than that Does that sound reasonable? Like that they have her account and password and so now they can use any of the nsa's tech at their will Yeah, no they'd be monitoring. Yeah, no way They'll immediately be shut down. It's just no fucking way There's so much that's wrong with it It's just like oh logged in from an entirely different location presumably Also, she didn't show up to work today and nobody can get in contact with her like it's just It's And I think someone might be like well, I mean she's only been missing for like half a day It's like this goes on for more than a week Yeah And nothing nothing ever happened. So nope. No, so with that out of the way They just have access to because it's basically it's like brother I it's like the It's like um at the end of um the dark night. It's like this crazy Like setup it might even be better than that because uh, the even the way this is described right She says the um the scale of the nsa surveillance is unprecedented There's no way to hide the potential is infinite, but in the wrong hands. It'll change everything Like yeah, yeah In the wrong hands, I mean like when people try to hunt down and kill teenagers with it. It's like, yeah, that's probably bad Uh, yeah, he says as long as it has the ability to find those women now before they get their powers Again, it's like damn. Was that the first try was that even Did because not only delivery but also just the line itself and um You sort of think to yourself like who is this woman? What is she doing like? He's just like his assistant who is gonna help him do this evil plan and all they give us is he's paying her He's paying her. Okay. He's paying her Yeah And this this is ramping up to one of the dumbest things in this film. I would say Yes, I think in this scene now This is where we get to really finite lines that are incredibly funny if you really think about them slow them down She points to the screen and you can see Sydney Sweeney and the other two And she says a quote This is what they look like in your vision as well as you can recollect I And they're literally like headshot from there like yeah, it is it is like 100 accurate from his dream I don't even know where to stop. There's so much wrong with it. Like what do you mean? Why would you even say that like that to him? This is as well as it could you can remember it? You know what I mean It's like what yeah, they could have the line could have easily been written as like so based on your Explanations of what they look like these are the clothes. These are some uh Some women that I found and he could have pointed to like a few of the pictures They're like that's one of them. That's what they like that's the much more logical way of how this would happen What we have to work with is they've had access to this technology for maybe a night. What did he do? He got it and described how they looked to a machine and it came up with One to one accurate copies of their faces The the greatest forensic artist of all time. I don't understand And then the fact that he just put a prompt through mid-journey and it worked perfectly Well, it's so good that it can actually with with reference to the images it can be It's like oh, we can remove the costume and this is what they actually look like I just don't understand like as well as saying like this is what they look like in your vision As well as you can recollect as in so that's what he already knows that then If this is all what the computer came up with as well as he could recollect Then like wouldn't you be involved in that process? What i'm trying to say is like if I said to fringy i'll try and draw something if you can just describe it to me While we're at the computer It he says okay, it's like a happy bunny and I draw that finish it and then go So fringy, this is my drawing of a bunny based on you know what I mean like what? It's like yeah, we had this conversation. We just did this together. What do you mean? Like why are you saying it's like oh right because the audience doesn't know what just happened It's like oh if only there was a better way to do this like being a writer. I don't know This sucks Yeah, he just says their faces have tormented me for years Also the cameras that these are going to be run through are not going to be nearly as good as they show later might I add Oh It's all insane They would have been like uh 40 uh 48p Oh, I think they might have been lower than that Maybe 144p. I don't know. Yeah, exactly This is where then she uses. Yeah Well, because I have to this this the lines are so awful, but I also feel like I need to explain what they do first which is So like Basic is we have technology and we have man with vision man with vision apparently describes the three faces He sees the computer comes up with an approximation of those three faces But with masks on remember he's never seen their actual faces just the faces with the masks on the computer then has to Take those approximations and assume what they look like without the masks And then in order to actually help him find them Have to guess where the vision takes place and reduce their age accordingly, right? So what they would look like right now versus in the future We don't know when it takes place in the future. He has no idea He's never I guess decided in the visions because he has autonomy in them to try and look at his phone I guess or anything knowing that knowing when it happens. It's going to be super important Never never done that So You have to the computer has to de-age them and all we have to go on is guessing how far into the future it happens And he she says a radius of 10 years What does that mean? That like you've de-aged them by everywhere from one to ten years Radius or first specifically that's a weird word to use because Actually, no that would mean that it would be anywhere from one to 20 years. That would be a radius of 10 years So that's true. That's actually true. Yeah So I was thinking when he described it, but then I was also thinking that means that the computer has to search for Let's just take sydney sweeney. For example aged us to the description of his vision Then but also every instance of her as much as 10 years ago You know what I mean? Like it wouldn't be exactly 10 years ago, right? Because that's a guess Like so it could be nine it could be 11 it could you know, so you got a account for that I just don't understand what they're even saying almost off-handedly like 10 years Yeah, this is all bonkers all of this is bullshit technology so that a plot can happen Because they didn't give a damn about trying to write it in such a way that maybe Well, I don't even know why they made this the plot to begin with This is one of those scenes that makes you question. Why why did you decide to make the plot about a guy who's using Essentially magic technology from 2003 to find three people that he has visions of them killing him At some point in some indeterminate point in the future. Yeah, that's a really weird choice. What a bizarre plot You know we're not uh, you couldn't have arranged that they I don't know that that they somehow stumble on to him doing something bad and he's chasing them down or anything Well, and it could be that he does see them Killing him or whatever and he wants to protect the industry that he's started now that does help people I mean we were talking about this earlier would make it a bit more complicated as to Him wanting to be a part of it or whatever, but it is still just odd that this is all based on a vision And and and you know, they could be kids right now. He has no reason to think otherwise Because remember he's got like white hair into his vision So how do you how could you possibly know you just don't and they look pretty young even once trying to hurt him I will say one thing though. Moller none of their you you did mention that the He's seen only seen them in masks, but those masks don't do anything to actually Obscure their faces. They do Sweeney one Um, there could be lots of different things happening underneath that. Okay, you never know It's human faces. You got all kinds of faces. You're probably saying it because you know what the actresses look like But the computer is able to get it down perfectly. Yeah, which is weird Especially after the de-aging which has done it an estimation But it's spot on and the only reason that we know it's correct is because we know what the actual actresses are And he has no idea they have no clue. They just randomly stumble onto it and it happens to be perfectly correct Yeah, and then uh from their perspective, they're just insanely lucky when they find like she does the de-aging she goes Oh, I don't know. We'd be targeting teenagers There's like why would why would that like this is horrible You're doing what you're doing is killing people who haven't done a thing that they're gonna do I don't like way I draw the light if they're a teenager But luckily she's reminded that uh, he's paying her I think the line is uh, they're teenagers now, but in the future they will have powers and they will try to destroy me They won't they won't be teenagers in the future. That's true It's all so bizarre. It's bad that you're killing people because you had a bad dream Yeah, it's fucking human and evil. Is he not ctlj? This is not good, man. He'll create kylo ren And nobody wants to do that But um, I don't want to undermine like like just how awful this this line from him is in response to his saying that There's the teenagers now, but in the future they'll have powers and they'll try to destroy me I came from nothing less than nothing. I will not give up everything I have built And have my life cut short Find them. I'll pay you a fortune. I know he says I do pay you a fortune Like it's I feel so disconnected all the lines I do like the line. I come from west from nothing which implies he had a lot of debt I guess so yeah, I guess yeah I took out some bad loans I mean I came from way less than nothing Well, and how he just didn't address the one thing she was interested in him addressing like it feels bad killing kids Uh for stuff that and I haven't done yet because you had a dream And then he's like, yeah, but they're gonna kill me It's like no, I yeah, but like not really though. It's really good. Why are they gonna kill you? Why don't you just not do the thing that they'll that will cause them to kill you? Well, could be that yeah, um and and again these references all the stuff You know, he keeps falling to his death. Maybe he shouldn't figure out web shooters or something so that he doesn't fall down Yeah, make sure to wear a parachute all the time Maybe move move to a place on the being the foot live at some place on the first story of the building I don't know move to like uh long island or something just live out there the hamptons In a one-story house I just want to point out the uh The absurdity of the fact that she just happened to be sent like Cassie happened to be sent back to new york and she's living and he's there like the the odds of Yeah, I mean couldn't she couldn't she have just ended up? I mean couldn't she've just been in paris forever potentially I think or anywhere when she came back if they were actually asked any of the coincidence questions are all answered by the web Yeah, basically it's all Probably not a place that they would send her like if she was sent back to the united states as this orphan From you know, her mother died in paris. They probably wouldn't have sent her to new york No, it's like a rival where it happened that way So it happened that way So it happened that way so it happened that way as in like any reason you'd think not to do something insane Do it because that's how it happens Like oh, okay, okay, then And you know in a sense like this is what she's been dropped off to do all right This is her fate. This is her future. Remember. He knew that she would on this journey eventually return back to him for information That's not very useful by the way, but we'll get to that um, so she's back home now and sad after everything that happened and uh Ben bullse uncle ben just in case you guys don't know and he's uh He's he's like, oh you should come to the funeral Because I think it would make everyone happy to see you there and might make you feel better as well And then she looks at the tv because christmas carol's playing and she says hate to break it to your scrooge But you can't change anything But like it's a funeral Like you weren't what he's not going to come back to life because you attended the funeral. That's not what it's about That's true and that the implication of the scene I guess is that she's sad. She couldn't change it But obviously she didn't really try She just said can I drive and he said nah That was it. What if you would have like punched him in the face or took the keys from him Like surely that would have been the really funny part is if she's delayed him for an extra five seconds He'd be alive Did you um, I was uh away while you were talking about it Did you guys talk about how like non lethal and mild to the crash looked in the movie? Yeah. Yes. Yeah Yeah, of course. Yeah, like it wouldn't kill to anybody It it looked like it was it it looked like it would be annoying. I didn't realize it's in the trailer There we go. We could actually see the crash. That's great Well, let's go this way on the balance of probabilities Who's more like what's more likely to kill you that crash or falling off a bridge? Smashing your head into the windscreen and then being underwater for several minutes It looks so mild Look at it Oh, no, not that that's slightly It looks like it you can just keep going the thing about cars is They are built in such a way that if someone crashes into you you are somewhat protected It's basically armor around your body. Yes And um, yeah, that's just designed to be on the road with other vehicles and that looks like it doesn't even hit Unless you're worth wearing seatbelt, but I mean he should be wearing a seatbelt. Oh frangy We'll talk about seatbelts later in this movie I don't think it wouldn't matter because like like his windscreen isn't changed and his I guess like if he didn't have a seatbelt, I guess he would have been thrown to the right a bit But surely he was wearing a seatbelt. You'd think so. Yeah Like I guess it's possible to die from that, but you'd have to try really hard Why was his chest full of blood? I doubt he was facing to the left, right? He wasn't like earning his chest left to face the windshield The windshield was made out of that glass from echo. Hmm. Yeah, it sliced him up So it's an unfortunate reality. He had to just and it's not like he's in a tiny little car either He's in an ambulance. Yeah, he's in a big vehicle himself Who was it fault for that? I see I see a zebra crossing there Who was meant to give way here, you know Well like but as we established both of them are just heading in directions They don't need to go to like neither of them looked either way should be turning Like the ambulance should be turning presumably But he's just heading to the car park over there I guess he just feels like go yeah, that's a good way And the truck there's literally no road in front of him. He would have been turning right Yeah, he would have turned right He would have he absolutely would have looked and then he would have braked and Well, this wouldn't have happened It's the super it's the most forced death. I think I've like ever seen it's like he was trying to die He's like get me out of this movie Anyway, a bird flies into the window and dies I was pretty sad And then she's like it's not as part of the film and uh Sorry, I need to make sure we understand how bad this scene is So she says hate to break it to your scrooge. You can't change anything bird flies into window. She says Opens window and says this isn't going to change anything And then she watches it change things as the bird flies in That just flies through and he's okay. Oh no, not only does the bird fly through Because you are a retard if you watch this movie and you can't be trusted with knowing anything or learning anything By what you see with those stupid eyes of yours. She has to say out loud like verbatim Oh, do you live that time? This whole scene is a fucking disaster of uh, it's all script notes. It's not actual dialogue It starts with Boo, I can't change anything. Wait a minute. Let me test it. Oh my god. I can I was it And then we learned a lot today Oh, um, yeah, uh, she's gonna go to a meals funeral now and that's when she I guess she needs to get on a train To do so and so she's going to the funeral That's where I assume. Was she going somewhere else? That's what she wears to a funeral Um, I could I don't remember any other reason she was going anyway But I guess you highlighted the fact that she was wearing what she was wearing A very prominent red jacket And jeans Yeah, well, he's got like blue jeans It maybe I don't remember was it a funeral or a wake because it was a wake a lot Maybe it was like a casual get together. I can't remember exactly so I'm making people dress up for my fucking funeral Um Well, how are you gonna make him do that right? You'll be dead. How are you gonna? How are you gonna? Are you gonna spook them as a ghost to go? Yes. Nice. I'm gonna say each one of you who who who wore wore very unflattering too overly casual things to my uh to my Uh, my what's it called a funeral? I will haunt you for a little bit You do like bender and funeral and be alive at your own funeral just to see what everyone does Oh, that's uh, that's the old uh, that's mark twain stuff right there. Tom Sawyer Tom and huck they uh, they attend their own funeral Wow Do you ever read uh, you ever read those books? If I did I've completely forgotten it by now I got you. Yeah, that was the thing in uh, that was the thing in Mark twain novels. What's amusing now is to set the scene I will say all four of the spider web lady Madams are now in the train station They're all here Why you ask a big like long shot that shows oh look there they are wow It's all coming together and we get answered this because you might have thought oh that's coincidental, isn't it? And it's like no No, it is not because we got a line from uh evil lady who's helping out uh evil spider man She says what are the odds of them all being in the same place at the same time? And then he says it's not a coincidence Just just wanting to own that okay to understand that and then she says well There must be something that connects them and then he says or Something that will There boom. That's technically your answer fate. There you go. Yep fate They were there because they were gonna be there They were gonna be there and I don't know what that means about free will in this universe Oh, well, they don't even get into that shit. I mean, I mean, what would he What do you how do you deal with this? You're like they were always gonna be here because of the future So I'm gonna try and kill them all You're like how would you just establish that like there were greater forces than you that control everything Also, I would just like to point out one thing Uh, this is grand central station, which is one of the most populated areas that you could ever find in new york at any given time Yes, it's a coincidence in this instance, but it's not a ridiculous coincidence that three three girls All there getting on the same train I feel like I'm getting on the same train at the same time in the same carriage Oh, well, the one wasn't actually the one wasn't actually, uh, I think the one wasn't supposed to get on the train That was just a uh, she was like just there I thought she collected all three of them from the train Didn't she? Yeah, but the one uh, I forgot her name the um Say it say it do it say it. We know you're thinking it say it I'm trying to remember the actual name. It was matty matty was the name but the black girl. She uh, there we go You know whatever everything what she is, but yeah, I was just trying to remember the name She was like forced physically onto it. But yeah, that is where you get cool No, she wasn't forced She just gets on she just gets on normally. It's insane Even in even in like grand central four people were getting on the same carriage But they had said what I'm saying at that point and I'm saying at the point where he's saying that it's not Super unrealistic yet it later it becomes that but like what him being like, oh, yes I'm not talking about his observation. It's more so just I mean three of them even three of them That's pretty coincidental But it's all I don't subscribe to this. I think it's insane that two people would be on the same carriage at the same time Two is really really really unlikely in a city with like what five million people five six million people That they get on the same train and the same carriage at the same time nah It's not as ridiculous Yeah, eight million in 2003 What I'm saying when it gets to that point Yeah, yes, what I'm saying like at the point where he first when they're first observing it The fact that they're all at one of a very populated area Knowing that they all live in new york I think it's still a coincidence They're in grand central at the same time. Yeah in grand central at the same time Like I know it's busy, but all three of them they're at the same time The fact that all three of them live in new york the fact that all three of them even live in new york I mean, it couldn't be that one of them grew up in like seattle and then moved to new york later to come fight him It's it's it's it's insane It is actually that's the second that they were all in new york Yeah, that adds more to the coincidence because people do you know, you give you know decades go by people just move so Yeah, and even the film felt it was so insane that they had to try and acknowledge it with like in universe mechanics It's it's the web. It's doing it. The web is doing it, right? Yeah fate has bound them together um So then using the web she notices noises and visuals and she gets a shit ton of fear flashes that get incredibly annoying It's like You're like, oh, and then it gets reset It's like it drags on a lot. You see how uh, ezekiel kills all three of the girls and each time it's like You're like, yeah, yeah, I got it and she's like, uh, it's happening. Oh my god And it's incredibly fucking annoying and then she's like, oh god everybody get off Actually, sorry, I put too much emotion into that The way that you did dakota johnson says get off the train. You're gonna die if you don't get off Please follow my instructions So bad It's so bad I guess what's kind of funny as well as only those three get off But I don't know if some lady was running around saying you're gonna die it'd be like, I don't care if she's pointing at me I don't think I want to be on this train. Yeah, you know what? I have nothing to lose by just taking the next train and playing it safe But nobody else cares they In file destination, right? Like shouting that the plate is gonna go down. He's like Some of them, uh, got off because he said that in the film. Yeah A lot of them go off like not because of him saying that but because they Because they were grouped together as being the troublemakers on the plane Which makes sense that they would be like, oh, sorry, you're all yeah, you're all gone This is gonna get weird to explain because this film gets wacky She gets off the train with all of them The two of them two of them follow her. She has to take the skateboard off the delinquent one in order to get her off and Then she's like still having sort of editing flashes that are really annoying and she spots mr Mr. Evil spider-man looking at her on the train. He's like Like how did that just happen I'm already at the point of thinking if you think that they've all been drawn here. Thanks to fate or whatever I just don't understand what your plan is You're no less a pawn than they are surely In like the grand scheme I do you think you're destined to kill them or that you're destined to be killed by them if you keep having this vision Just i'm saying like I just don't Know what he thinks about all of this I don't even talk about this idea of like if is me trying to stop them what makes them become He doesn't entertain that ever Not even even though that's you know, it's what happens The obvious that's basically what happens is he causes his own undoing which is boring because that's usually Usually time travel stories like ah, see you never could have changed it. Oh, thanks or it was you trying to change it I guess I should have just I guess I should have just died then. All right. Thanks film No, this is really important. She's looking around She's like what's going on now and one of the girls says so what's the emergency and then sydney sweeney says This woman is trying to abduct us I don't know why she says that when that's bizarre because clearly she isn't she asked people to get off The thing because they were gonna die and Well, this is one of the most important lines in the whole film by the way Yeah, because it's gonna change everything Because if she actually don't why wouldn't she just leave and just run off There's so many layers like she asked that she told them this is an emergency the trains in trouble You need to get off. I haven't like collected you and put you anywhere. I haven't even put restraints on you or anything And you're like, oh, she's kidnapping us No, nobody would say that nobody would do that and and it becomes clear because she has to say it for something else to happen Anyway, by the way, nobody in like the immediate vicinity gives a shit. They're all just walking away or walking around Nobody like looks at it and goes. Oh my god. Is that woman abducting those poor poor teenagers? No Besides fucking have you been at a train station? People say crazy shit throughout it. Nobody's like Assuming any of it is super Have you ever seen the viral videos of like spider-bad beating people up at a train station? Is like people dressed as spider-bad and stuff crazy shit happens in uh, it all these places, but Whatever and she says Um, no, I'm not trying to abduct you. That's your problem right there And it shows him crawling toward the very very slowly on the ceiling Why Why isn't he running toward them? Why is he slowly crawling? He needs to be ominous for the theatrics But it is like is anyone else seeing this and she goes that bad is trying to kill you And I was just thinking like how would I react if she told me the train like you gotta get off And I do and then she says that person on the ceiling is gonna kill you I don't even know what I'd say I just um All right, I guess And uh, they they ask why and she says I don't know come on and they leave It is such a flaccid scene because it's supposed to be actiony and it's just funny Like I said, I I found all of this so entertaining because of how inept all of it is like trying to capture the specific emotions There was exactly one joke in the entire Movie that hit for me and it was in this scene. It's because the one guy is on the wrong train And then gets off goes on to a different train And then like she like evacuates them onto that train And he's like basically like shit am I on the wrong train again? Like that's the one joke that landed for me And other than that it was pretty the rest of it was laughable The rest of this scene was laughable for all the reasons Mahler just said Well, and it doesn't stop because uh The police get called in they start to arrive And uh spider bro. Well like they are on the second train as you just mentioned and I'm not clear on how this happened. We have to use our collective memory Is the implication that evil spider man kills the driver of the train? Because like yeah, it's like a scream or something screaming. Yeah. Yeah, and then the train stops So that happened It's like in the intercom, isn't it by the way that seems like a bad idea if the train's going then they can't get off the train Yeah, it would have been better to just let it keep going And also like you are You shouldn't be just killing everybody that makes like that draws attention to you It's like killing the nsa woman like that's gonna like isn't that gonna be weird that She's she's killed from this Creepy poison after she goes to spend a night with this guy She met at the opera and her credentials are being used to log into the computer But from somewhere like isn't in all this like you're a dumb villain. You're a really dumb villain um They this is part where they get on to like the connecting divider between two uh carriages And madam web looks through the window and she sees a cop and the cop like sees her And then she's like oh and starts like moving away from them. Why isn't she moving toward them? Yeah, like they're probably gonna be the best people to talk to right now Actually, you're four women being chased by a man who's trying to kill you a cop with a gun is one of the best things ever you could find Why would ezekiel kill them Like on a train using no disguise Well, yeah, that was a plan. Yeah, that was originally was to just walk down Kill him out in the open and then in front of a bunch of witnesses Just without his bow rack. Yeah, it's not like he built an enormous organization legally You know with his name and face probably plastered in many areas of corporate america or anything you could probably just walk around and kill people He'll be fine I I guess He thinks that that's not very smart. No not very small. Every single thing we've pretty much highlighted so far Nobody's making any sense. It's all very crazy and nonsense. Oh, this is ludge. Oh, yeah This is sludge plot is this is sludge dumb plot. And so they're they're running look at them run Ah through the station and oh no, they see the police and then they like One of the girls are everywhere and quick. Yes. I want to go says call for backup And I was just like, yeah, I guess that's yeah I just did I would have thought they would be just desperate to say like help us help us help Without like call for baggers like sure and then they arrest madam web And I was like what? Like there's really Do they know at this point anything like about the situation at all anything about what's actually happening here It's just all random lady arrester And we can this is something we find out a little bit later But we can bring it up now to explain this the film would want you to believe That because sydney sweeney shouted this woman is trying to abduct us That all of the police now know that Dakota johnson as in like that person Is abducting them and so if you see her arrest her From sydney sweeney saying that and I guess a random bystander hearing it and telling the police This all happened in the span of like 30 seconds 30 seconds tops It's absolutely insane The cop by the way doesn't manage to get the cuffs on but if she did No, it's like it's really weird because she turns or like she gets turned around and puts the arms behind her back But then the bad guy just jumps out and it's like oh, she's fine. She didn't actually have him on but yeah If she had him on they'd be screwed She'd just be stuck arms behind her back not able to escape I think the film ends how she just I don't know was normal speed at cuffing it, but she wasn't But then luckily for our heroes the villain appears a beats up And then the villain beats up the cops instead of going for them Is so why I could say like what are you doing? He's basically teleporting like Why is he taking out the people who are an obstacle to the people he's trying to catch? Because he's evil so he has to kill He can't help it It's just he's crumbopulous Michael. Oh boy. Here. I go kill him again and uh, they are they're able to just sort of semi hurriedly leave the subway and He's not right on their tail. How many police would you guess were there by the way? I think it was about four or five of them. I mean I was gonna say six Yeah, I was gonna say anywhere between four and eight Like there's some somewhere in there because there's a couple of them and then Back up appears as well show up. Yeah They come down the stairs. I think If you had to go with yes or no Did all of them die? I think so I believe so I mean I have he does not have a couple probably not he just he pulled one He like jumps on a couple and then he like pulls one under a sign or something Yeah, I would have thought that one of them may be knocked out I wouldn't have thought he killed the other one Yeah, they don't seem killed at all. I I I don't really see any kill shots there Some of probably a couple might be banged up but It just doesn't yeah, it seems more like silly than deadly with how you know this works as the film progresses It gets wilder and wilder so Keep all of that in mind. I guess that's just the situation. So they escape they run up to the top and they steal a taxi and then This dialogue again, it's throughout the whole film. It's fascinating to just look at sometimes you wonder because everyone has spoken to humans, right? So, you know how they work So when you're a writer you try and just translate that down But somehow you're worse At like writing down dialogue then you would be just saying things to people. I just don't get it sometimes Anyway, so it says like did he kill those cops? And then I think for lack of a better descriptor science girl because she's about to become that character There's uh, he climbed on walls and dodged bullets. How is that possible? Oh, no, sorry I think Sidney Sweeney says that science girl then says it's not there's not enough frictional force in the bare human foot to overcome gravity And keep you stuck to a wall let alone the ceiling It's oh, I'm the smart character. Yeah, that's all that line is Which by the way, I mean, I guess it's probably worth prefacing already. These characters are so one note. It's unbelievable Sidney Sweeney's basically. Oh, I'm I'm docile. Yeah, and uh, the Docile delinquent science one And they're hungry exactly Docile hungry Well, she's also the delinquent, right? She's the one the middle finger the ambulance. She's the one that'll be more aggressive And she's a stakeholder. She gets more. She gets more characterization for being hungry I think than being a delinquent We could call her the hungry. What if you want hungry docile and science Everyone And of course because this film is 20 years like this film came out 20 years ago But then through a time warp came out now. They're like, ah, see Yeah, Sidney Sweeney. She's the nerd. You know, she's like the nerd's loader That's where they would all be She's wearing glasses. She's the loader. All right. She nobody pays attention to her I just realized how much of the some of the things that show up in this trailer I probably should be highlighted. This is this is old bad guy This isn't his vision. This is what he looks like. It's just like you just died That's all you did I was really confused about like the timing because he was in the amazon in the 70s And now it's like 30 years later. I was like, wait, how old is he? Like, yeah, because he looks the fucking same in the amazon So it's like exactly the same if you were like early 20s that I guess he's early 50s here But he's just there's no sign of it really and then like apparently they've gassed in 10 years He'll look like this. He looks the skin is exactly the same, but he just has died It catches up to you it does He's got the Tyler Perry grain It would be so funny Speaking of which, by the way, we're coming up to what I think should be a competitor for the best line in the whole film so After she says there's not an affriction of force in the bare human foot to overcome gravity that keeps you stuck to a wall Let alone a ceiling the response from hungry girl is Well, science didn't seem to stop him. So what good is it? And she says what good is science that's I listen science science brought us cheetos hungry one They did so I uh, but I I just I don't even obviously she wouldn't say that But why would anyone ever say whatever the hell that was besides that's that's this This is really good. This is really good writing. I like these are humans. They're so fun. They're so fun and relatable Um, eventually madam web says I'll drop you all off to your friends And then there's like a cut of just looking at them all and the implication is none of them have any friends I thought that was really odd because we've seen Wasn't the hungry girl with her friends when we saw her Talked to our friends. Yeah I didn't understand. So you have no friend really? Well, so because the the point is that they don't have friends or family. So they're all ready to become a family, right? Yeah, they're all they're all alone ready to be abducted You just you want me to believe the do all of them go to school? And if so, how would they like none of them have friends? Okay, it's the web. The web is doing this You see the web the web the hungry one goes to school because of the a beginning She was headed to school. She had her uniform on and she was Going to all the was saying is she was heading to her friends and she must be a part of that But like what I'm saying is the web has picked people who do not have friends So I guess she's unpopular as the web did this I guess I guess because any of these girls would be Not popular as we see evidence by the fact later on that once they're seen by boys They become incredibly popular instantly, but whatever I just thought of something I think it was fringy earlier brought this up when we were talking about the being in different all in the same location And wouldn't it make more sense if one of them was from a different location? Sydney Sweeney's character is from a different location. She they mentioned that later So it is even more coincidental I just I just remember I just like it just came to me, you know, she stayed in new york for Well, it's the thing to be fair for you Like I don't even know the names of these characters and I won't by the time I'm done talking about it I will I almost refused Except it was uh It was Julia and Anya and Maddie right those were their names Yeah, excellent. I don't remember which one is which though Sydney Sweeney smart one and hungry That's those are the three hungry science and docile funny because they don't really see their names that often It's just one of those things like if you know them from the comics, you'll know But they devote a scene here in a second to like giving their names, but you still don't remember them You know, they devote time to be like, I'm this one. I'm this one I feel like it's way easier to just characterize them by their one Attribute their one trait that they have my trait. Yeah But we're gonna do a funny now. That's what the the film is about to do So the radio says reports of several nypd officers have been attacked. Oh my god terrifying And the webster the camera gets on here and she says I hope they find his crazy ass That was insane. Hope they lock him up, right? Right? I mean and then the radio continues Eyewitnesses have confirmed a woman in her early 30s has kidnapped three teenage girls So We're supposed to believe that the police believe That Madame web herself has beaten up a bunch of cops and stolen three teenage girls I mean, is that plausible that Like come on as a story alone, it's not plausible, but yeah, but they would have seen all of them leaving together This is all based you would see that the uh, the injuries It's all based on that one line From uh, sydney sweeney. I mean, it looked like it's just absurd Uh, I I almost like struggled to understand if I had like missed a scene because how did this happen? How how did it become that the report is we have to get madam web? She's the one that's behind all of this Especially assuming that any of the cops, you know, assuming any of them survived They'd be like, oh no, I got attacked by like some dude in a big costume. Yeah, yeah Well, that's the thing you have to assume all of them died Which yeah, I'm not sure I just assumed that they all died because that's what the filmmakers probably want you to conclude But in terms of the actual attacks and injuries, yeah, like one of them just got hit, you know He just got like pushed away It'll be fine. And then all the people on the uh, you know any any of the people on the uh on the trains or on the platforms or anything I mean the only way this could ever make any sense is absolute crazy hearsay from witnesses that saw barely anything Mm-hmm and that they are just buying it completely and that nobody has talked about the spider man person Who is would have been seen by fucking countless people Especially given that he was walking around barefoot. I'm pretty sure so it's like that kind of calls attention A guy in a suit walking around barefoot Just looking around and then presumably at some point getting out and changing it to a spider costume To then chase them Well, and the movie accounts for this because she says everyone the girl in the back says everyone thinks you're the kidnapper And then madam web says yeah because you told them I was That's right. It's your fault Somehow that line from zinni swine is just to find the whole plot now She said Because if she felt that way, why wouldn't she just run to the police? She's the shy one. She's so shy that She follows the kidnapper wherever they go. Yes. Whoa. She's so but while also yelling out that she is being kidnapped Doesn't make sense sheer power of her charisma is lulling me closer and closer to her. Please someone help She then has to So for like plot reasons anyone Paying attention would be like so that they could be found easily because they're phones with the nsa shit, right? And so madam web realizes this quickly and tosses their phones out the window Remember the this has barely been explained to these girls Could you imagine how fucking mad they would be if you threw their phones on the window? Yeah Instead of saying, you know, you can't call or text anybody because they're using whatever to do whatever Or putting it in the pocket so that you have a cell phone that you could use if you need it in an emergency to call That rags gotta toss it gotta toss it. Oh, okay Why does she think that they can Yeah, she shouldn't even she shouldn't even know that. Well, so that's actually what I was going to bring up This is the thing like you as an audience member may have thought about this But why would the characters what reason does she have to think? That they will be tracking them through their phones What what in the world made us say I think they found them like were any Does she believe that he works for the government? Is she aware of the meme of like tracking phones back in 2003? I got nothing I feel like pieces are missing. Maybe that actually is the case. There are seeds missing Uh, then she says anyone who wants to leave leave now Which I thought was a really dumb line because of course all three of them want to leave but only one tries I thought was strange and so she locks the doors and says no You can't leave because you're the only ones that know what happened As in they're the only ones that can exonerate her so you might be thinking number one would be So first of all, it's like, oh, you can't leave because that guy's trying to kill you So that's already pretty bad. But then the next thought to be oh You can we can go to the police and you could explain it to them Exactly. You can just explain everything to the police and then we can give our account of what actually happened And then once they're like, oh, okay. Well, you're clearly not kidnapping them. They're all here They're all free will you're just you know, you and I think people got the wrong idea We're not asking whether you could track phones like in general It's whether people would have that level of awareness that they toss their phones every time They're on the run from anyone in any fucking like context She just threw it like nobody does that nobody did that Fucking people probably wouldn't even do that today Even though it's way more likely and way better like as a format In fact, you can probably have friends track your phone if you have like enough access to certain accounts You might just print it off, right? So like, you know, the idea that you can track signals No, I know that what we're talking about would a person reasonably in 2000s when being chased by someone In a spider-man suit be like I gotta toss my phone So I mean I would go as far as pushing it all the way to 2010 If I was in 2010, I wouldn't fucking throw my phone because the spider person's chasing me As rags, but I would hang on to it because I'm like, oh phone. I can contact people with my phone Yeah, I might need to call someone for help or let someone know that I'm coming or you know, do anything like that So 2003 it wasn't as common for no everyone to have a phone It's even less likely that they would have the awareness to be like, oh, yeah, spider-man over there He's gonna be tracking off phones Like the one girl on you that most definitely would not have one based on her history I think to be fair to the film only one phone is tossed the implication being the other two didn't have a phone Of the one who was with the rich family. So, you know, that's something still I just don't believe she would toss it In fact, yeah, if one of the other two had one, they wouldn't have said anything If it was me as one of the other two and someone just threw their phone away I would just like not even say anything. I just the phone would just stay in my pocket Well, we wouldn't even be in the car at this point rags Oh, yeah, we wouldn't be in the car that person would that person would probably be like, all right Let me go or I'm literally shooting you She's highlighting I can't let you guys go because you're the only ones that can exonerate me the implication being you could die if you leave this car Which is the thing as fringy pointed out should be the primary thought don't leave because you'll die But simultaneously Yeah, that's that is true. They're the ones that can exonerate you go to the police So go to the police right now, right? Obviously going to the police can protect you as well. Yeah protective custody with all their guns and everything So Wacky wacky wacky lines. I don't know what to make of this at all What's she saying and then she says we're gonna lay low until I figure this out Oh, you're talking about the woods to kill us, aren't you you're you're gonna murder us Figure what out? What are you gonna figure out? What could possibly she has no plaid by the way She comes up with one while they're in the forest that has nothing no reason to assume it would make anything better But she says like I gotta figure it's like what information do we have crazy man is trying to kill us That's it All you got Yep I'm gonna figure this out. It's like what do you have to figure out crazy man? I don't understand But this this makes them want to go to the forest. I say them. I mean here just her She's gonna take them all to the forest This this is what this part was when I started to like really laugh because the fact we're like they essentially they go to new jersey, which As we established earlier in this uh stream. That's where i'm from For there to be an area that woulded she would have to drive pretty far like Outside of the city. Did they go to new jersey or do they go to like upstate new york? New jersey? Yeah, they they they they mention it. Uh, I actually wrote down the name of the town because it's not real Uh, church hill new jersey. They mention it. Well then in this not real town. There is plenty of wooded areas. So go Yeah, they were basically like showing what would be like the southern part of new jersey closer to philadelphia than new york city Probably why they made up a town So evil man is like, how did they know I was coming which again makes me wonder about the whole his point of view about Fated things to have happen. How is this not being incorporated and making him think about what's going to happen next? You know And uh, his response from from his tech lady is wherever they went there aren't cameras There's a lot of places that don't have cameras, man like Middle of the woods gotta be gotta be saying gotta be saying somebody asked if they went to if they drove to hoboken Hoboken was a real shithole back then. So no, I that's not where they went Um, and then we have competition once again for the greatest line in the whole film She says wherever they went there aren't cameras and he says I went to a lot of trouble to steal those tools use them better No, yeah, it happens again later in the movie too where he's like this is your fault They haven't been If they're not on camera, there was literally nothing she can do What yeah, all I can do is monitor the cameras if they don't show up on the cameras like What do you want me to do make them like when we got there and push them in front of a camera? What what do you want me to do? Use the tools better Useless shit like what she's only invested in getting the job done for the money Why you what what what does that do for her use it better? Oh Then they get to talk in the forest Um There's nothing really to learn all about these riveting characters Uh, well like the the kind of character today should we get is uh cities when you start to fire And then she says I started a fire as you know, I was a girl scout and the other ones like course you were Okay Well, that's that's character first off first off the girl scouts probably don't learn that shit girl scouts I ain't no, no, I don't boy scouts. Yes, but girl scouts. Let's do cookies They they do cookies and they they sleep in like cabins And they do like arts and crafts and shit like that. It's like it Not not, you know, not pooping on the girl scout. They just like let's just be real here They really don't learn how to do like a fire You would have thought that would be a useful thing to teach basically anybody, right? Out of I don't believe that any of them could make a fire out of nothing Because to make a fire out of nothing That's like really difficult You mean like with what they would have had access to they probably don't have the experience to do that or Sydney's mean I don't even think they have anything to well. Yeah, if they don't have like Essentially a lighter with them then I don't think they could make a fire and at that point that wouldn't count I could do this. Yeah at that point. Yeah. Yeah, but yeah the girls so because because to make To make a fire Without any like fire tools you'd have to like take out take off one of you get a string You might have to take off one of your shoelaces make a bow with it Know how to make the little the the bottom segment by getting a stick and cutting it in half and flattening it out And making sure there's enough airflow to get through and then you have to back and forth and back and forth And you have to get enough kindling and make it to a little it's really difficult to actually do We had to do it in search and rescue and Boy Scouts and it's it's fucking tough It was why in like all my survival kits I would just say fuck it and I would put in like three or four zippo lighters Just because they weigh nothing and you might as well have redundancies because having to make a fire with that It sucks balls And it's difficult. It's really difficult They ain't doing it those girls and madame web. They're not doing it Well, there you have it rags. Did you eat your eagle? Yes, I did. I'm an eagle scout. Wow Yeah So they talk about spider bro and they're like You so what's his deal and she says, I don't know. I've never seen him before They say well, then how did you know he was coming? She says, uh No, no, no, no, and then she says why are they trying to why's trying to kill us? And she says, I don't know crazy shit's been happening. I don't know why stop asking me Which um What else are they gonna do? The three girls in this forest with the woman who's essentially abducted them at this point What are they gonna do other than ask her what the fuck is going on all she's got from is I have no idea But we're in a forest now Well, there you go. Yeah, that's it needs to be said They're in a forest now. I thought by the way, this is a segment where I thought a lot of it was pretty pretty boring Um, this part is less funny, I guess, but I was just thinking about the previous scene probably when I was watching this part Yeah, um, did you did you watched it with fringy, right? At your theater that you went to? Sure Okay, I had to watch it alone. There's no one else in my theater. I was fucking alone. There was no one there I couldn't lean over to the person next to me and be like Is Because there's no one fucking there. It was just me in my sadness. I had nothing to bounce off of It was misery. You had the man myself to bounce off of Ah, don't even say that So the three of them highlight that they've seen her before In all the opening places and they're like, wow, you saved my stepmom. Wow. You live in the same building as me Wow, you nearly run me over Which is not what happened Really ran it fucking self over Anyway, uh Yeah, you know, this is so freaky. Wow. Wow. Wow. Everyone's just so surprised by all the coincidence. It was like, okay but um, each of them deliver like all of this shit so dead like meh meh meh sort of Getting through the script as fast as we can then she says I can see the future I didn't ask for this. I saved all of you. So you're welcome This is the dialogue. This is what they say to each other and this is really good Says I can't control it What are the girls says the other guy he can walk on the ceiling As a comparison of powers Why would they do that? When anyone having powers is brand new to them This woman has come to them saying I can see that you're gonna die and I can prevent it Wow destination style And then the other dude is walking on ceilings and they're basically trying to say like So this is your power. His power is better Do you know what I mean? Like it's it's so Weird to to want to even point that out as opposed to what can we do to not die? Yeah, his part being able to crawl on the ceiling is more cool than being able to Have premonitions of the future. Well, so I don't know about that That is so weird to say, but there's a reason That prompts the other girl to say no, he can't walk on the ceiling. He was using his hands Now you might be thinking wait, what does that mean and what she's trying to highlight is he wasn't walking. He was crawling That's all she wants. She's she's being that's it. Yeah, that's all she wants to highlight here Well, Mahler, you're not being fair to the movie. This is like an obvious setup for later, right? Yeah, well, that's that's where this is going. This is the other lady then says yeah He was like a spider person Which is another weird thing to say like you see a man crawling on the ceiling If if you don't have spider-man or anything like that in your universe, which they don't What would you compare him to as a creature? I guess you go straight to spider like this is hard to Sort of think about because we're spider-man is so ingrained in our culture The seeing a man crawling a wall I don't know that everyone would just immediately go like oh, he's like a spider person Yeah, I would probably compare it more like something that's closer to a human like a monkey. Yeah. Yeah Um like someone's a lizard in the chat like that's that could work too, I guess But yeah, I would I would default to monkey every time You there's a lot of different things. I think people would go with but she goes with spider person and that Triggers something in madame web. She's like wait spider person Wait a minute And uh, that sends you to go and check her mother's notes from the amazon Because that's gonna help her in the plot how would say it is this like nothing anyone said to each other Was a reasonable response and it's now going to prompt her to go and check those notes And what's she gonna find? Yes, she's got to go, but she said like I'm gonna she leaves him here in the forest She leaves them here in the forest alone And and and this is why I said like where she like the The range that she would be in the amount of woods that was required not not be there Oh, the timeline is gonna get real confusing soon Because uh, she drives back. Well, she says I'll be back and they say where you go and don't leave us And she says I have to check something and you're safe here be a girl scout I You may as well just take them with you. I don't know How is it how is it safer for them to just stay here, especially when they don't know you They only think of you as almost antagonistic as she's leaving Uh, city swede says can we trust you? Uh, that she just doesn't answer them instead says three hours stay here. Don't do anything dumb seriously Don't do dumb things And of course the answer the question of that the question asked is why would you even Think that you can trust it. You don't know who she is Well, yeah, any normal person should leave. Why would you stay there? You should know that and and the fact that she believes I'm gonna be able to help you deal with this man who can climb on walls because as you've smartly pointed out He's a spider person and my mum dealt with spiders back in the amazon right before someone tried to kill her So I need to go check her notes Absolutely fucking nuts The logic is totally sound. What part about that doesn't make sense This is flawless logic rags. It's not even april first. I how could you fool with me? Stop it. What no, this I mean my mom was researching spiders on the amazon before she died and this guy It crawls on the wall like a spider So it only makes sense that you go to my dad's Holy grail diary to find out all of the clues to defeat them Yeah, I know I was doing it wasn't that Yeah, there's a reference to another film. Yeah And you did it badly No, I did it. Amazing. You should be punished for the reference I just got it. Okay. I just got it. See see see how subtle it can be It sneaks up on you. Nope. That was the reference It really sneaks up on you next time Reference in indiana jones film where he has to get his mum's diary and then you'll be on point Or his granddaughter's diary, maybe because she's really smart and yeah, there we go And you have your own six the tales of helena shore. That was her name, right? Yeah, yeah, hell Anyway Madam goes home Why you may ask? Well, we've dealt with that. So shut up Uh, she researches the she's reading through the books. She's like research on spiders peptides spider people Lhasa Ragnas According to local folklore, they have powers from spider venom Incredibly fast strong and climb like spiders just like the ceiling guy I don't understand how she's never read this before I exactly that was just what I was bringing up. How come of all How come you haven't read all of this before? You've got all this time to read all of these things and you never read if all I knew About um, my mom if she had died in childbirth and I never got to meet her I in all I had was this box of her stuff I would have I would have read all of it every word all of that stuff her research Everything she devoted her life to the things that she was working on when she died Um, all of that I would have known none of this would have been a surprise to me Your character's primary motivation is uh, or probably like I guess Lore or the conflict she's dealing with is did my mom even care about me? I guess not Because she went to the amazon and got herself killed because she couldn't be taken care of during childbirth Like she would have if she were in the west or whatever, you know, like, okay But why don't you want to find out why she was in the amazon it would be in the fucking diary, wouldn't it? But wait a second, but in the original trailer they she it was wasn't it it was her Saying the things about what she was doing in the amazon. She knew she was researching spiders She even said earlier that she cared more about spiders than her Well, she didn't read the important parts Didn't read any of it I'm I know this is this isn't a well written film No, it's very confusing realizing this now No, but sometimes just some people have it and we need to tell them, you know It just like hits you again every once in a while you you suddenly get that jolt of remembering. Oh, shit. This is a really bad movie Also, why not just take the book and go back and just staying there to read it? You have but what if you read it? You have three kids alone. She doesn't even read much more She just reads that unless she stayed there for ages But the timeline again, there's so hard to tell what the fuck's even going on She came back it was night time Yeah, well, so The the we cut back to the the woods and they're like there's a diner a half a mile down the road So we can we can go there because the hungry girl's hungry No, you forget something. You forgot something that was really great. How can I forget? Everyone lives alone or someone else. No, no, she has she tries to climb on the wall No, I knew that I just didn't reference it because Your rags, why don't you take that one? What do you want to say about that? Okay, so she reads in her little diary something about how the spider people of peru they can crawl on the wall like spiders and then They then she tries to crawl on the wall like a spider, but she can't do it And then she like awkwardly slides down onto the floor And then she tells like then she like says to the cat something like oh That was don't say anything about this cat And then the cat goes And then the movie continues I thought that when they did that joke That in the script it probably would have read tries to climb on wall and fails and they filmed it You put your hands on it and just sort of you know, maybe jumped and went back down to the floor and they were like Man, that's not funny We do anything else And then maybe someone was like, what if she just Slides all the way down to the ground and then someone else was like, yeah, why would she do that though? Why yeah, I don't know why she slid all the way down Someone else said it would be funny And someone else said no wouldn't really funny and then they had a huge fight on set as to whether or not it was funny And then Dakota Johnson said I'll do it anyway Even if it isn't funny What matches it it matches the rest of the comedy in this movie all of the comedy in this movie is completely unintentional And there are parts of this movie that They've made me laugh out loud. There really are parts that made me laugh out loud. Yeah, nothing that was intentional though Well, that's the thing. I feel I may be Unique here, but I did kind of enjoy it for me. It's just so awful And I just didn't have any parts Feelings as to like when we get to the final act I will be arguing that is A wonderfully constructed piece of awful shit like here. I'll I'll say I'll say this all right I think the start is like, okay. Let's see what's up and the second part Waivers the third act the third like the last third of this movie I think really does save it in terms of its amusing factor I think it makes up a lot of potential lost ground Because they're like I said there are parts in this movie later on where I Well, I was actually laughing out loud Maybe I maybe you know that I think about it. Maybe I should give this film more credit. It is act Some of these lines man. They're special come around to it This film is kind of growing on me in that weird Viral sort of way like the way that like you get sick and then it gets worse. This film is kind of growing on me Yeah, now that I'm kind of thinking about it this well, so We're about to get so fucking funny in terms of the writer like I want to meet them sort of because The girls are in the diner and they start dancing because the music is on and yay Not quite the song that will be important is on yet, but it will be in any case They walk over to a table to to talk to some boys. They want to do some dancing are so nice But There is a man just to be that hold up Um The is the part is the fact that they walk through the woods weirdly instead of using the road Is that of any importance to the? Film or I don't know if we're supposed to believe that they went to the road as fast as they like they didn't know I don't know. I i'm not entirely sure of what they did They clearly show them like going through the woods and like having to move branches and shit out of the way And they even say like oh my god. Are we lost? Are we lost? Are we and then they just like stumble into onto the highway where right across from the diner? And i'm thinking why did we even what was the purpose of that? Was it supposed to be like a bait and switch of oh, oh, they're lost in the woods and it's getting dark You're like no actually they're finding some diner No, because it is weird. You said if they had come the way the car came then they would know they're heading to Well, yeah, that's how they noticed it on the way in Just take the road don't like walk randomly through the woods in the direction Or I guess they did I don't know they weren't using a trail because they were having to like no move bushes and shit out of the way It's like one of those weird things about the movie, you know Well, yeah, because uh, it's just weird the webster herself goes that way on her first attempt after them, right? She goes that direction. Yeah, she just gets in the car and she imagine She was able to track them Which I thought was surprising For her, you know, because she's not exactly familiar with what might be telltale signs of tracking But doesn't matter because we're not there yet There is a man in the diner who looks at these three girls and he goes. Hmm And he realizes something you see because he's been reading the local newspaper And the camera shows us on the local newspaper I know you're all gonna object to this But you shouldn't because it makes 100 sense. You ready for this chat on his newspaper It has an image of The subway where the events happened and a headline that says girls feared to be abducted And they have images of the three girls And that's how this man knows that those are those three girls And so he will now call the police because he has spotted them And that's how the big bad man will be tipped off as to where they are because There is so much First of all, how would it be printed on the newspaper when it happened that day? It'd be Saying it happened that day is over exaggerating it Under exaggerating it Yeah already on the papers On a page front page If he called the police the police should be there very soon. So just to be just to be clear just Don't don't skip over it too much because it's even more it's not only would have had to have been Put on to the the newspaper would have happened to got the news print out the news with the page Made the actual newspaper Physically transported the newspaper to wherever it was that this guy got it or to the diner itself Yeah, over in new jersey an adjacent state right and then He would have had to read it and then And then see it and then notice them based off of incredibly Well, and can we be clear you video feed You're slightly ahead of like the craziness because the event would have happened police would have arrived on the scene And then been like, okay, we need we need to check the cameras and however long that took they finally got the footage They looked through it crazy spider-man is killing everybody also three gills Ran away with to be fair four girls ran away. That's what it would have looked like on the camera It wouldn't look like abduction Yeah, and then would have all escaped together. They all went together and If any of those cops survived we have to assume they didn't because that makes more sense But if they had they would have been able to corroborate the no, it was just the crazy spider-man This has nothing to do with anything else and again And then the police would have to cooperate with like Journalism to help get this like, you know, yeah get get it out that this is definitely what we need to find and do Here's all the material you need Like the verification to make sure they don't fuck any of this up just none of that happens. It goes straight to The equivalent of the daily bugle every way just get these out And then what rag said about the processing of all this information that the papers go out and apparently this all happened In about three hours and of course making the choices the editorial that the front page is that rather than the front page Is a man was crawling on the walls and jumping around six cops slain by mysterious superhero spider You know for a fact that would be the front page. It wouldn't be the three girls a bit abducted It would be this fucking crazy mass vigilante person just killed a whole bunch of well He's just a monster. I don't know what the hell's going on creature Just described as crawling on walls and killing people in single punches And then he would have had to see these three girls at that diner Clearly there of their own will they walk in they order a bunch of food They have a good time. They meet up with a bunch of boys. They're talking They're doing all that gay shit. And then he's like, oh look, maybe those girl those three girls Maybe those are the ones from this state. Well, there are images of their faces on the newspaper Which means they managed to get that from the camera. I guess that's how good it was Oh, there's yeah the 2003 public cc tv You know to jump ahead a bit. He's called the cops cops never turn up To be fair, there's a reason for that. There is a reason actually. Oh, wait, was there actually? It's very briefly addressed, but it is I don't remember the reason. Um, yeah, it's it'll it'll it's very exciting. But yeah overall No fucking way any of this could possibly have happened And what a lame reason to get them back when you could have just had it be that one of the three girls Like thinks, oh, this is crazy. We've calmed down. I'm gonna call You know someone or something even the police. Fuck it. She could call the police a friend of mine I'm gonna learn how to have friends rags. So if she calls it would make sense for to call the police Like we want to we want to make sure well hungry girl could call her friends, right? She had some friends She's going to meet up with on this case. Oh, okay All right fair enough It would achieve the exact same thing with way less bullshit if you just have one of the girls probably sydney sweeney Be like we should call the police. We should we should put ourselves in but to be fair later in the film They will be pose the question of whether or not they should put themselves into the police and they will answer that But we'll get there not right now Anyway There the guy calling the police to alert them Alerts the lady on the nsa tech who then alerts bad guy and says, you know, we got him They're in a diner And so he then uses a call sign of some kind that he's aware of thanks to the nsa computer to Essentially sign in and pull any cops off that scenario. He says i've been there Don't worry. These aren't the girls 100 not the girls So we're supposed to believe That like with a verbal code. He's able to confirm with You know nypd that he is a trusted like officer on the case And i was just thinking to myself like wouldn't they actually have active officers That are using codes as in if he uses one that is valid It would also relate to someone who is in the field so to speak on the beat whatever As in yeah, let's just say he's using the code for peter jones and it's like It's like and you know, he signs in with that and then says, yeah, i'm there already and it's like but peter you're not there Yeah, you know, I mean like I was just like what is how is it? Why is that even something he can do? I don't know. I don't know how that makes any sense at all They just want to try and cover their asses because they knew that police should show up as well But he says no i don't it's fine and that apparently works And i'm sure that the guy who was there at the restaurant didn't think anything was weird when you know I guess he finished his meal and the police never showed up I guess he left My job's done My and I know uh, we're about to like get into it my favorite thing about this right is now She's on her way back at this point, right? We've already established that Uh, we haven't gotten to what she's up to yet because the last thing i was gonna say is If the guy called the police then the amount of time It would have taken for nsa lady to pick that up to relay the information to our bad guy and give him all the information He needs to trick the lipd to Sorry, no lipd nypd to um Then be able to sign in and call them off in that amount of time I can't probably would have turned up. I think so. I think the whoever was on on the case probably would have arrived It's not like she would have gotten the phone call instantly that would have taken time wouldn't happen instant I wouldn't have also no and all those little pieces of getting to what they needed to do I just don't see why the police wouldn't already have showed up But whatever that's that's like the least of the stretches across all the stuff that's happening in this film But yes, that would take us back to the webster He's uh, she's arriving back at the forest and it is seemingly night time, which so Here's a detail that I love So to get from new york to new jersey and back and forth and all this stuff You need to go over Various points either the george washington bridge or the lincoln tunnel one of these things which are very heavily They pay a lot of attention to the cars that are going through there, especially in 2003 Uh, you know because there was a little incident a few years prior to that She has no license plates On her car. You did she took them off the taxi. That's why I gave them off And no one seems to care Not the new york. Are we supposed to believe she took them off when she parked and she put them back on when she was No, because I I'm pretty certain and I I mean it was very brief when she gets into this like You're trying to outrun the the truck that she's getting there and what she passes twice might I add They show it in a scene. She passes it and they like do some stuff come back and she passes it again Oh That was just a great jump cut that they show the same thing twice But that was an unintentional showing it twice I'm pretty certain. I saw that she still had no license plates now even if she did Even if she did that there's no way she would have gotten this far through new york city without some way of it being ran It it well, I mean it's a stolen taxi. It would have been exactly it's a stolen taxi It would have been reported all this stuff so either way she's screwed and it's not affecting her in the slightest Well, have you considered the web? The web the web is important The web is indeed important Right, uh, we've done so many crazy things. The craziness is about to get crazier. This is gonna be really hard to follow Just because it's almost like another film starts kind of we're getting to that point where it feels like we're entering another weird goofy movie I'm gonna get difficult to as a viewer understand how stupid this is about to get but I'll do my best, okay So the girls start dancing to toxic by britney spears. It comes on. Oh, here we go toxic. Yay. Woohoo and then Madam web is like, oh, they've they've gone Like she's figuring out where they've gone. So she walks to the diner And she arrives right as they're dancing to toxic And she's like, what are you guys doing? I told you not to do that you she shouldn't be out here She should be in the forest. You'd be safe there. You fools. I think even cindy sweeney's like, I'm sorry And it's just like why have you guys even what is like what is the nature of this like stocco syndrome already? They they don't seem to just feel like this is insane. We should be going to the police whatever No, it's fine. She's just mad. It's like, okay, but then Spider-man evil spider-man he comes through the doorway Like, oh boy, here we go and they do the thing. It's in the trailer. He kills everybody And it's quite it's quite spooky even with uh, he's he's toxifying one of them and in the background You hear all lyrics relating to toxic. It's very clever very interesting very cool um But then it goes like And it's stuff the madame web has now seen in the future and so she now she has a chance to change it And so she decides i'll go by car instead I won't walk to the diner. I'll drive the only thing is She's prompted to do this by hearing on the radio Discord had a float The hearing on the radio the toxic has started Okay, so I don't know the run time of toxic as a song I'm on it It would need to be long go notes pretty fucking long. It's one of her favorite songs Yeah, no, okay. Do radios have a play songs like that 10 times in a row that could maybe explain it Three minutes maybe was on the juke box because they're in a diner. It's on a radio racks It has to be on a radio three minutes 19 seconds Three minutes 90 maybe the juke box looks like a radio. So she is She hears it on a radio in the car which prompted her to think right I got to do a different plan But you're already thinking yourself like wait So the forest area was less than possibly two minutes away from the diner Even though they said it was half a mile by foot. That's like 700 800 meters Yeah, that doesn't make any fucking sense at all Um Well, so she does drive there and it takes her longer Yeah, she's right behind him right She shows up after he was quite a man when before walking she showed up before Now maybe it is that there was a direct path through the forest But half a mile is not a short distance by foot That'll take you some amount of time Presumably longer than driving a car at like, you know 50 60 kilometers per hour. Yeah, she's russian So and you know the forest was Deliberately shown to us as difficult to move through rags brought this up as like, why would you want to go that way? This is not a foot path You could easily get to one. You knew where it was So this is very confusing and the whole point is to facilitate the payoff of her running over evil spider-man Yeah, because you would want to It the timing and everything that goes into it. It's it's weird. It just happens. It doesn't make sense. I was Totally confused when uh toxic started while she was in the forest. I was like, they're dead There's no way you get into it. They're dead But then the film is just like no she did you're like, okay It's for sure fine Yeah, he uh, he grabs her as they're trying to leave and poisons her You're like, oh no, that's awful. Yeah, he gives her the gives a little poison. You know, that's terrible. We'll come back to that Um, so she's got them all in the car and they're leaving. She's real mad She would be she's like, do you guys think of anyone but yourselves? You're so impulsive and entitled. You don't listen your futures were almost so different. You're lucky. I saw them I So bad and she delivers it and then the really funny pot Cindy sweetie puts on her glosses again. I'm like, oh geez. I'll go back to being nerdy. I'm sorry It's unbelievable because like first of all nobody knows what's happening Remember when they asked her anything and she said don't ask me questions So she was like, you should trust me and just stay in the forest Indefinitely they decided not to crazy. I know Yeah, can you imagine as a result of that that she calls them impulsive entitled and they don't listen But oh just to be clear if anyone in chat if this happens to you don't let people take you into the middle of the forest Don't let people do that. It means they're going to kill you Because the film is trying to develop the idea early on that like see how she's kind of like a mother to them And you're like, no Everybody's mother just randomly drops them off in the middle of the woods and says stay here Yeah, they say sorry and she says yes, yes, you should be so sorry all of you should be sorry That's how she's delivering this shit too. But to be fair to her. There's a really bad line like delivering that well is tough I feel like she should she could have done better but Um, then we get some more phonies because it's just non-stop. He uh, he says to his um, Is this tech lady? I don't know how they're doing this the the evil spider man Even though if you remember he said The they're connected by the future and he's already aware as a spider person that there's a potential of seeing into the future That's apparently a listed ability of some of the spider people I don't know like he's aware of everything that should give him some interesting thoughts We never has any he just says like, how are they doing this? How are they doing this? They're really interesting thoughts And the lady I guess rad information she had and she says web daughter of Constance web deceased and he goes wait. Did you say web? And she says yes, and he goes that's him possible I laughed when he said I laughed when he like stopped turned around and said wait. Did you say web? I think I I laughed out loud. It's so funny He said that wait. Did you say web? Did you say mad? Did you say morbius? The king himself he's here Oh, oh, what a great line great line boys So yeah, they have to come up with a plan now and she's like I don't control my visions So we can't really use it to any particular advantage other than just when it happens. That's the best we got And so they say first thing in the morning. I'm taking you guys home Your parents can deal with this or the police and then all three of them basically explain that all of their families have left them Like they're abandoned In different versions. It doesn't really matter. It's just like okay And she's like well then the police and so science girl says my dad got deported I don't need anyone to support me, but I can't be known to the world like I can't exist in the world until i'm 18 Or they'll put me in the faster system So just to be clear Just to be clear the suggestion is go to your family because someone's trying to murder you And they all say we don't really have families. It's like right police then Which should have been suggestion one They should have been there hours ago one of the three girls says I can't go to the police because they'll find out that I have no Like carer slash parent or guardian And thus I will be put into the faster system Wait, so how young are they because if you're 17, I think I don't know 16 I actually have no idea. I don't know if they give an agent. They've got to be older Yeah, I think she did say she had to last for two more years I think well in in that case the question is now right because that's a really good point from her So now we have to think what would be worse faster system or death Really think about it If and yeah, it's it's you know, it's not a great situation, but um Slash being on the run for the next, you know a few years of your life like you know So the funny thing Come on, man. Is that the film seems to think The yeah, okay fair enough like we'll go with death Like instead of the falsetto, but the crazy part is I don't care if she thinks that's reasonable I think it's insane that madame webb thinks that's reasonable. But what about the other fucking two? That's her maternal instincts that those are her natural maternal instincts really kicking into overdrive The other two lose nothing by going to the police. No, there's nobody loses anything Those two can go you two stay on the run. I guess In fact, this is helpful because at least those two could tell the police what happened And then they can say the other two, you know, they're being chased still by him That's crazy. We managed to say make up whatever the fuck you want, but you can exonerate her and be protected And they'd be invested in that but for some reason they shut the fuck up throughout the whole moment They're just like This is all pretending that like that that would be the first thing that would be happening is like All right, you're going into the foster care system rather than we might be putting you in some kind of like I don't know protection program While we uh deal with this, you know the evil guy that's trying to get you that we have security camera footage Of climbing on walls and shit Is absolutely fucking nuts and then they all like pretty much like cassie. Please help us How How is this random lady gonna help you like compared to the police and all they have to go on is well She knows when we get killed and so we could avoid that occasionally I you just can't believe it. It's it's you know, it's throughout the whole film They just need to go to the police every time and the funny thing is that's exactly where they end up going Like I had to go to the police anyway. Yeah Well That's no fun if they just went there, right? Exactly wouldn't be but then but then mauler then we couldn't have a movie Yeah, that's probably what the screen writers would say if they might actually say something we've got Not even joking. Yeah, that's probably what I would say. Yeah, no, I'm not I'm not kidding Like that's the kind of thing I could believe them saying You don't understand story. It's not meant to be realistic. It's not a science lesson Film is not science. Even though there's a science lady We love our science ladies, um So madame tm uses web to access mainframe with her mind web and uses protocol madame in order to web into the main Dino frame of the webverse And she speaks directly to spider-man was evil spider-man I don't understand when you talk like this. It's hard to remember which of those are actually in the movie I got I got no way of explaining this one. I was so fucking confused. She just starts talking to him They talk to each other through the web. What does that mean? Yeah, I don't even know how to Returns to the diner that night and then It's like she steps into an alternate dimension Where bad guy is just there talking with her and they have like an interaction Where like some information is exchanged about some some plot thing Or about spiders and peru Like or something. I don't know. That's just like it just happens Because it's just a thing that happens She was in the womb of a woman who was bitten by spider and that he was bitten by spider They can speak through the webverse I don't know why it works that way. Yeah, I actually don't know He's flashing back and forth between his original form and his We have spoken about to some extent, but the actual like filmmaking is insanely bad Yeah I don't know what they were thinking with the choices that they made by way of editing and cinematography. I I don't get it The whole scene is cringe Tastic it is constantly flickering and fleaming all over the place And honestly seems like the majority of what he said in that scene was adr Because like very little of what he says actually syncs up with like his mouth I don't get it much most of it is yeah And proof of possibly proof to be honest with you because the whole film doesn't make any sense Anyway proof of reshoots, you know, she's been hit with that poison They even reference it later. They're like is your hand okay? And then she's like, yeah Yeah, it's fine And then in this little the web dream web frame she's talking to him and he says Nobody survives poison entering their system. You won't be so lucky next time Like wait what and like that's it. He poisoned it, but it didn't do anything. That's it I guess it was just it turns out it was just a little bit I actually don't just a little bit of poison Like I don't know what if you're gonna If there was originally a payoff for that and they took it out But they didn't take out the part where he poisoned her and so they had to put an adr where you know He says, uh, you got lucky. Why not just remove the part where he poisoned her? Because then we can't have the payoff of why she wants to teach them cpr Oh my god, I think you might be right I think that's the thing that gets her. Oh my god. That might be right because Yeah, yeah, because because yeah, because here is his warning of the poison. She says like, oh, yeah The poison will stop your heart. So we got to make sure everyone knows how to do That cpr which gives them the huge payoff at the end The whole reason she gets poisoned and it has no effect is to set up the final payoff Public service announcements everyone in the chat. Um cpr isn't an antidote to having I just can't I can't believe how right you are. I should have thought of this because like Yeah, all the stupid goofy lines that come out of nowhere all set up plot things like every time the worst lines If you get envenomed to where your heart literally stops beating because the venom is inside of your heart you can't You can you can't see pr the poison away Just to be clear now also not to every one of you should be cpr certified in null heimlich maneuver All of you need to do that. However, these things do have their limits And on that very important note, I'm afraid we're gonna have to say goodbye to uh dark hour It has been nearly five hours of discussing possibly the greatest keynote of the year I think we can I wish I could stay longer. This has been a lot of fun. No problem. So I've been glad to have you Why don't you tell chat what you get up to and where you can be found? Uh, well my channel is in the uh description. So that's the best way to find me. Uh, I also do a uh, I do have a combo show with my buddy the uninspired reviewer Which tends to happen around the same time as this so please, you know, don't let's please watch this show first But if you want to come check us out, you can you can also find us on our repost channel, which is uh Uninspired hour. So it's the uninspired hour or so two hosts. Um, and uh, yeah the next thing I'm actually going to be dropping a Review for this tomorrow. It's pretty much done. I would it would have been out already today if I wasn't You know here, but uh, yeah, that's basically what you can see from me next and I hope I hope I was uh entertaining enough to come back one day Oh, I'm sure you will at the very least you'll be brought back for the anniversary Where we just spam everybody so that we can have plenty of fun talking about how great the year was Because it always is this has been a wonderful addition to 2024 already, hasn't it? I mean, we already have our movie of the decade right here. I'll call it I'll call it early. I think it's safe bet I think that everyone should call it early with this one You're missing out if you haven't seen the glory of madame web But thank you so much for joining us to help explain to the world why it's so incredible Yes, I am glad that my new jersey expertise was able to come handy. You never know what it'll bob up Um, but yeah, thank you so much sir. And I suppose we'll see you next time whenever that may be Yep See you later. Bye. Bye. Alrighty. See you dude. It's up to us for now to kill the rest of it I mean to celebrate the rest of the moon. I've been told to wait. I've been told wait I've been sold tell moller to wait moller wait. Oh god Wait, oh jesus What's happening? I actually don't know I was someone just so it was uh, I've been told to tell you to wait Baywin told me to tell you to wait. Oh, did they mean for doc? I would wait um Oh, they they yeah, they specifically said you okay tell moller to wait I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Yeah. I'm not I'm not either. We still have so we have the best part of the I was going to say we only hit the third act. Oh, yeah This is basically the end of the second act. I guess that we're about to start the We still got a bit of cringe left. You know Oh, yeah, there's still some oh, we've got we've got a lot more cringe to go We're not even close. I think it ends on the biggest cringe of all So that's something to look for. Oh, yeah, no it does build up They they try to give you an immunity much like in the same way that if you were poisoned you could be provided immunity by uh, cpr But like this just sort of takes you, you know Oh, we haven't even gotten to Okay, Baywin sent me something. We haven't gotten to that yet, but I will bring it up when we get there Oh, okay. I got you. All right Don't worry. We're not quite there. We're getting there. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna click on your messages until we get there You sent it to moller. I don't want to spoil myself. I No, no, no, I I not spoiling myself not from adam web Yes, he speaks to it directly in the web frame and Mention the poison saying which is so fucking funny to me in retrospect because you're right It is to set up the final payoff which That was so pathetic of them. They couldn't figure out anything else. They just went with that. It doesn't make any sense Like that's fine because it's totally unnecessary. It's not even a good payoff um so he says The girls are gonna kill me and she's like what no they won't And why do you to get to decides that they die and he says because I have the power You think you can beat me with your mind? Don't make the same mistake as your mother. Tell me where they are Now this is writing Pregnant spider bits try to beat you with your Don't make that mistake like what? And I don't like what the fuck you do with that is information like besides, you know Like how is it fair that you're just gonna kill them and he's like because I have power And also, isn't there like a discussion to be had here about Like if I had a premonition of three people murdering me in the future There may be something to well, yeah, maybe there's something to be said about like well I I'm gonna I'm gonna kill them before they murder me Oh, it was I don't fucking hilarious if he had walked up to them and said why are you trying to kill me? They'd be like what? Isn't he isn't he curious like no like doesn't he want to know if I got premonitions about three random Ladies dressed as spider superheroes pushing me out of a window There would be that part of me that's like man Did what did I did I do something to deserve that? Do they hate me? Why do they want to kill me so much? What's going on? There's got to be some context here. I need to understand So but even then like in that sense Well, I mean this is the villain talking to the hero this this stuff is always like easy super interesting stuff And and the the hard part is causing these things to happen How do we get the hero in the villain to be able to talk to each other without ending their conflict? You know and like oh well Yeah, the the webverse of course you're like yeah, of course so they connect and then all they did with it was this Where he's just like don't make the same mistake as your mom try to beat me with your mind powers What That's what his mom tried to do. That's right. That's true. It happened. We were all there When she said please don't kill me that was her attempt at changing his mind with her mind powers She's trying to use his guilt as a weapon against him Francis go to anconia would not approve would not approve So in the morning she explains to the girls I was poisoned, but I got away like I didn't get killed by it because he didn't hang on long enough He was like, yeah, they didn't Of the poison that was in here. It wasn't enough poison to poison her. It was obviously just some poison All right And so she teaches them to do CPR as we kind of mentioned because obviously if the poison did get into her enough To cause cardiac arrest she would need them to uh to perform CPR to keep her keep her going to keep uh impressions going No I mean, I would have thought The poison entering your blood So that keep pumping your heart. I would just cycle the poison around anyway. And so it would Be able to do what it does which is kill you There's a lot of confusing things to this certain parts per, you know parts per Blood unit or whatever like a little bit. You know what they say poisons in the dose. So There you go There you go. Yeah, she teaches them And and they say this is funny. Baywood's like you go to show is like I can't it's a spoiler for one of the Fucking cringiest things in this whole movie. We can't do that yet. We gotta get there Even I'm excited. I'm so excited So well the you know, I mean what it references from the movie I'm I'm looking forward to chat finding out about it if they don't know about it Which some of them won't No Yeah, they say you're a good teacher Just It's just cringy because they keep trying to push the whole like god see she's so nurturing This is this is such a great connection. These people have got like, uh, you know what? I hope they end up together by the end of the movie. Maybe they will what I was thinking This point and maybe maybe it's time. We have this discussion now Oh my god Because this was the part of the movie where I was thinking Wow, they have done fuck all with the fact that she is a paramedic Yeah, I thought you were gonna say they've done fuck all with the characters. I was gonna say yes Well, yeah, I there is that. Yeah, the characters are just basically nothing There's a reason we call them hungry docile in science because that's that's it Even madame webb is we don't we don't really know anything about her and what little we do know is Pretty pretty strongly negative. She's kind of a bitch. She's kind of an asshole Yeah, she's stupid and an asshole, but they don't do anything with the fact This kind of gets into um, kind of echo, right? There are some parallels between this and echo and we'll get some later in particular But like they don't do anything with echoes, you know really being like, you know chock tall lineage It's just a little bit of a little bit of flavor sprinkled here and there But they never do anything with it and here the fact that she is a paramedic Really never plays into the story at all. That's not used for anything CBR rags There you go. All right, we'll get rags ruined whole movies. Yeah, it's true. It's very true Um, she doesn't she doesn't ever use anything that she's learned about people She doesn't learn anything about, you know, how she's seen the good and bad sides of people how even though she's You know in her business, you know, she she tries to see the good and people because she wants to save people's lives Or we don't even know why is she why is she a paramedic? I don't know why why it just seems like that's just that's not a job that you just stumble into You know, it's not like oh well, you know, I'm a receptionist or anything This is something someone said by the way somewhere. I don't I haven't seen it But someone said this they'll say at the core She's always wanted to help people and that's something she got from her mother Who's so caring that she even almost gave her life just trying to find a way to get The daughter into this world and you know what that kind of thing is It's passed on to her and the the efforts she shows to take care of these these three teenagers shows that No matter what's happening to her in her life that she'll do everything she can to help other people And you know what she may be a bit isolated. She may be a bit antisocial But ultimately she's always there and she will always Put her life on the line for you That's you all that is made up That's all that is You didn't get that from the movie You made that up. Yeah, because she doesn't come across as maternal. No, we're caring or like none of that exists It's all it just doesn't exist. It's not in the movie. You get the opposite They seem to be with almost a mechanical precision trying to tell you that she's Cold Doesn't like being around people as antisocial is just a jerk in an asshole Um, she makes people upset. She's just it's It's kind of gotten swallowed up in the rest of all the terrible things about the movie In all the memes with the actress and everything But like katharine webb is a really shitty person Catherine webb katharine. Yeah, it was cassie cassie Cassandra webb Is is just she sucks He's kind of like echo like I said the parallels. Oh, yeah You have no reason to like root for her And the only reason the three girls kind of get that is because well like There's not much to you and none of you are really likeable or interesting But like I don't want you to die. Yeah, they exist mainly. Yeah You get that you get that, you know starter level of basic human empathy, you know And because you haven't done anything to erode that, you know, you're not terrible people You just you're just different flavors of dumb or naive or annoying or whatever um So she mentions that her mother knew the guy who's trying to kill him And uh, they say Wait, so this is because of you And she says look all I know Is that my mother was researching spiders that it like that's that that she says she wrote a book with crazy stuff And I have to go figure out what it is. It's like hey, hey You cut it out you bastard That's why I watched the movie and you removed it This isn't the first time this happened It was probably not far from the first time But you remember they did this with rogue one when rogue ones trailer had the uh You guys the rebellion. Well, I rebel or something like that And everyone made fun of it and then it wasn't in the movie It was uh It was fucking hilarious because it was like hey, you stole the meme What the fuck? They've done it in this movie. It sounds like something that would be in a Zach Snyder movie. Are you the rebellion as I rebel? It's um, it's pretty cringe and yes, it was it was cringy here But I think it's cringier to remove it of you creators editor out there who saw the memes and was like Oh, we better remove that one bad thing from the movie before we took out something that would have literally given people joy Which is what they desperately need in the movie the memes the meme line like we tell the amazon this by that thing It would have made the movie better because it would have made me laugh and smile and enjoy myself I would have been like I know that I've been like leading out of caprio point. I'd be like, I know that That's the thing. This is the last man win meme. We'd all be like, oh, oh, oh all of us on the couch I was there from adam webb when I saw the trailer line Um, so we cut to her saying I'll be gone a week I don't want to leave them but he's out there looking for them and they're relying on me And I don't know who else I can use to protect them But she's speaking to uncle ban and it's done so quickly. We just slam cut to her Dropping them off and she's popping to the amazon Unbelievable and the delivery is so weak. She doesn't give a shit. Nobody's giving a shit. It's just yeah, they stay with you. Bye Okay, I think they would have had them go with her if they thought anyone would could possibly have believed that but no one could have Like also four of them go into the amazon also, let's let's Let's also consider right adam webb knows that there's a crazy psychopath who kills and poisons people who's trying to destroy these three girls Hey, go hang out with ben and his in his pregnant girlfriend Well, that would be his sister Oh, yeah Whatever they are go hang out with them You stay here with these two So you're saying the madam webb the madam herself is trying to kill uncle ben indirectly I'm just it would it would it would fit within her character to be a terrible to be a shitty person But I think it's a little uh, I'm just saying like it seems really crazy to do that the um The nature of like all of this crazy shit in terms of Deciding what characters want to do right like we've highlighted that all four of them have to be against going to the police But for every character you involve in this insane plot line that adds another person who's just insanely retarded She explains this to him and he says Oh, uh, I'm staring. I'm staying with mary for a few weeks. He won't find them there I can't pretend to understand what's happening here. Just be careful So he's just casually agreed to house three women indefinitely in his sister's house And if he know do we know if he knows that his life is being put at peril from this? We don't know if she told him that but the fact that he said he won't find them there Makes me think that she must have highlighted the danger in which case he must have said something like oh We have a thing for that when someone's trying to kill you actively There's people you can go to as part of our society There's a group of them that we have the police and witness protection Those those ones. Yeah Now don't hang out with me at my house. No my pregnant whatever this woman is to me You can't be you can't be here. This is no they'll they might kill us by proxy and that's not cool So I can't accept this risk. Yeah, so you might assume the dialogue from him would be You want me to take three girls? I don't know And house them in a house. It's not even mine Because someone's trying to find and kill them putting me and my sister-in-law and her unborn baby in serious danger When it would make sense even irrelevant of those details to go to the police. She'd be like yes And then he says because he's useless Sure, yes. Yes, and he will probably know that because apparently the fucking random dude in the diner did Front it's front page news, but that's how much he trusts to remember their partners Remember remember all that explanation we had hours ago about how amazing their history is and how much There you go. That's the payoff I guess He'll just do anything she says It's uh, it's hard to believe but yeah, there you go It's kind of fucking cringe. She says I'll be back as soon as I can. Thanks, Ben And then as she's leaving she says, you know, you didn't ask for any of this and then he says it's okay neither did you I don't know Okay That's terrible. So yeah, she's just gonna go visit uh, yamazon. Why not and they'll stay in chill with uncle ben It's gonna be great. Um, so she meets up. This is done so fucking fast. It's absolutely insane She's meets up with that spider-man guy from the beginning the the shaman man spider shaman And uh, oh, yeah, just she just she she goes she Yep, she goes to peru. Yep She flies she gets on a little big plane flies to peru Just meets up with him. There he is and he says oh you come back. You're looking frances I promised your mother. I would be here. She came here hoping to extract healing properties from the spiders She thought she was being protected I was like, what the what the fuck Stop just quoting the movie. It's what nobody speaks like people She goes to peru walks into the forest and like bumps into the guy Yeah, it's the amazon But There's like uncontacted tribes in the amazon. We haven't even like found yet And then she just walks into the amazon and within a minute. Remember just meets the guy He uses the webframe. He knows he knows what's going on the webverse. He's connected as well. Yeah spider-skype So he's like, yeah, just oh you're looking for answers. Well, I promised your mom I would be here, which is funny because love didn't say anything He just said, yeah, I'll be here when she comes back. Just it's it feels like a guy was just like I am important to your lives because I said so Okay, that's gotta what what's up with this guy? He just waited there for 30 years for her to wander back. What was he doing? Not helping. What is he doing with his life? Well? I thought it was really weird that he said she thought she was being protected It's like are you Are you implying that you could have protected him? It didn't because that's kind of what happened To our own devices that's what we saw they didn't really put much effort to help it her out um Yeah, what he's referring to sorry because because I didn't want to imply like that that is what he's referring He's not he's talking about Ezekiel He's like that she thought she was being protected by a security guard And that's what he's trying to prompt. I just thought it was funny because it applies to him and his people too anyway Madam says Ezekiel sims and then he says yeah, his motives were selfish He used your mum to find out about us to find us because he stole the spider He was cursed and he's been trying to run from his destiny ever since How does he know all of this? It's magic. It's just it's just magic It's magic. It's insane nonsense He's decided when and where he can't interact is based on what knowing all of every detail of the future And just however he sees it. He makes it happen that way. Is that the deal? Sure Why does he speak english? We'll never know but yes, he says because so that we can understand him. He knows The evil spider man is running from his destiny. That's something that he just casually says It's like when he saw him run off destiny The man we're gonna be like, let's stop the guy with the gun who just shot the pregnant lady. He goes no No, no, no, no. He has to get killed. Oh, he has to run. I can't even say I can't even say It's his destiny to run from his destiny. So don't stop him. Otherwise, he won't be able to run from his destiny What about all the people he's gonna kill? Oh That's their destiny for you It was the destiny of those cops to just get killed in the subway Yeah, imagine he had explained it further. He said like, yeah, he's cursed now cursed to see visions of the girls You're protecting killing him over and over again. You might even say that's torment on a level that would make him want to kill them I just you know Who decided this the spider gods they they cursed him like what why? I don't understand what's happening Praise the spider god before you could even understand this. He's like right off to the the magic spider cave That's where we got to go now. And you're just like, oh And then she said this is where my mom died and he says yes where you were born And then she says I don't understand why she would risk my life to come here He says to see the future clearly you have to heal the wounds of your past I hate it, but the thing is the filmed lab shades. This is great. This is really good Wow, that sounds like every therapy session I've ever appointed. It's like, yeah, it is dumb as fuck Um, and he says you have to go back to your beginning and keep going past that there are powers You don't even know you're capable of your thread didn't start when you were born Do you trust me? This guy, what do you do with that? Um, I don't know you. I don't know. I don't even know what you're saying like you have to go further back than your past what What do you mean? And she says, uh, I don't I'm not really sure if I can trust you at this point Do I even have a choice and he just pushes her Astral ghost form into the pool in the magic spider cave Okay, yeah, I guess that's something. What does she said? No, I can't explain that further I don't even know how it's possible. He like how could he do that? I don't know. He's a spider. I told you it's it's magic Oh, I guess it is This is like this is just magic. This isn't like getting hit by spiders This isn't like venom. This isn't radioactive blood. No, this shit's just magic. This is magic hitters So you remember that line from really far back in the film right at the beginning Where her mom was working and she says oh, she's trying to keep me from working Talking about being a prego and the baby maybe kicking or having a pain or whatever Now any normal human being Would see someone say that and be like, oh look at you being silly like oh like the baby's trying to stop you from working uh So madame web sees this because she's now in the past. She sees her mom say that and goes Why did you hate me so much? I thought this was really weird hilarious like So and she delivers it like almost like in scary movie if you've seen it the kind of Are you trying to make this funny? I don't understand And why do you misunderstand so much about your mom when you've been told already by the guy that she came Here looking for healing like do you not care? She didn't even ask about that by the way Whatever, but she heard that line. She was like you hate me Then she sees the mum get shot and she Like this is on dakota johnson. I think at this point because her performance was fucking awful She's watching her mum get killed and she's like oh Oh, she's like holding her mouth. Yes Oh, no, uh, if I cover my mouth, it's less of my face that has to act Oh, uh, oh my god, and then this is where the film like you've already seen from everything we've described heard uh The film doesn't trust the audience member to understand anything that's happening So the further along you get the more explicit you often will get with like character journeys and themes and stuff So you can already guess that this is about to get real explicit She sees the mum meeting with a doctor The doctor says your test results have come back, you know, no cure And the mum says single target nuclear tide intervention That's something that I need that I could possibly get with the weird research that's been done at a distant part of like the world And uh matter web's watching this happen. She's like, oh my god, you you went there for me You did it for me Spiders in the amazon for me and she's like holding her throat in her face in her mouth and then uh Yeah, yeah, she's having those and and the mum says i'm unwilling to accept a diagnosis of helplessness And i'm not gonna teach my daughter to do that either What by the way, this was this was the part of movie. I this is where I started to really laugh Yeah, it's really funny hilarious. This stuff was Oh boy And uh, the music is fucking swelling. It's like I don't like realization happy blah blah blah Epic sort of hero realizes their true potential sort of music, but it's all a meme This is mega memes. Oh ultra memes. This is this is what dakota johnson then says she says this This is all the actual dialogue. She says You did it You did it. I never knew I was sick the spider venom. It did have healing properties I'm so sorry. I spent so long being mad at you Someone wrote that It's random film talk says in the chat I diagnose you with helplessness Like I really I do not Bring it they didn't give a fuck this guy you this guy he didn't give a fuck He's like, I'm just gonna write this whatever get my paycheck doesn't I'll get another big massive multi gajillion dollar project Doesn't matter. Fuck it. Whatever. I know I clearly know somebody. I've got dirt on somebody in the industry It's like they it's like the thing at the diner when they go into the spider verse and talk to each other It's just like they just don't care. They just gave up and they're like, well I'll just write this to happen gave up doesn't matter It actually doesn't matter just whatever just yeah This happens now Reeling from that dialogue what you may not realize at the time is she hugs her mum at that point and the mum Responds she's like happy and hugs her back I can't even begin to understand what the fuck is happening. She's underwater Then she's like in the water and surrounded by a bunch of webs She traveled floating through the webverse back in time and interacted with her mother I don't know. She was pregnant with her. Yeah What and the film is like isn't this wonderful I don't know man Oh, it's amazing. And by the way, this isn't the super funny stuff guys. We're not even there yet No, this is like this is hilarious, but What we have coming. Oh man, like I said the third like the last third of this movie fucking Saves it it turns this movie into something magical So recovering from all of that she can then speak to the spider guru again She says I thought my mom didn't care about me You know, she always thought it right like that was the assumption my mom didn't like me and he says well Sometimes you have to sacrifice yourself for the ones you love Wow, wow It's inspiring honestly, and it really is makes you think does that apply to anyone else in the film? Maybe even her. I don't know. Wow. This movie makes me want to sacrifice myself So deep uh So She says how was I even there? How did I do that? How did you do that? And then he says no you did that you're starting to see what you're capable of you came here to learn the truth of your past And now you will need to embrace your future Did I say oh mention how much I hate his dialogue? He doesn't speak to it like a person ever, but none of them do but he's different That's particularly I am talking to the audience Yeah, um, and she says in response to that by the way the stupid like floaty language Uh, seeing into the future doesn't help me fight Ezekiel. I gotta stop him before he kills the girls I can't leap. I can't crawl on walls. I can't do death poison And his response to this is you didn't get the gift of greater physical strength or the ability to release poison But seeing into the future is only the beginning your mind has infinite potential If you use the web to be in more place than one to be in more than one place at one time You can uh, you could you could save time you can you're the only one that can change the future And uh and and I pause because he then says something else a last line to to complete the point He's making here. He says. Oh, yeah When you take on the responsibility Great power will come That is um You should be disqualified from riding kind of like this fucker you son of a bitch This fucker every single line that comes out of his mouth is a trailer line, but that one is particularly cringe How you guys get it? West spider-man kind of you like spider-man He said the line kind of Just see our old kabuki outfits How they kind of looked like the spider-man outfit because we were red and then we had the web and Did gave you booty Remember remember just to remember the writer dracula untold the last witch hunter gods of the I think you mean it's a past and working together. Oh, yeah, it's um great stories it's s It's s j. Clarkson. That's the director. Okay That's the great great god Kyle ben one might have assumed they just forgot what the line was but no they're trying to be like We can do our own cool thing and it's like shut up Stop sit down good lord Great web comes great. Yeah, there's some shit Did they write morbius too? Yeah, they were morbius god damn dracula untold the last witch hunter gods of egypt power ranger credits morbius matt How do you keep? I don't yeah, I don't How does it happen? How does it happen? We're hoping there's a pop Is this some kind of happening with this because it's insane at this point good of way too long Like I said before if they wrote terrible films that made money that would be one thing But like their entire career has been writing things that have failed Commercially and critically. I don't understand. I don't get it How do you write morbius and they're like let's bring you back from madame way We got a right these these writers man. They just surely that film's failure had nothing to do with the writing We got to bring these guys back. This is fucking gold Yeah, michael bay films. They made a profit for the most part made money the residual films those made a profit Yeah, but now we're in a weird era where you can write something or direct something that fucking failed And then it's like here you go avengers movie Maybe they just tell everybody's like, oh, it wasn't the right and of course it was all these unforeseen circumstances So it wasn't the storytelling and now it was a bad trailer It was yeah And now I'm even better to hire because now I have the experience of knowing what doesn't work More so than that By the way rotten tomatoes has indiana jones in the dial of destiny at 88 percent audience score. Don't believe it Yeah, which is like, I know that you guys are liars. I know that you lie I know that these are filthy lies that you're telling Kingdom of the crystal skull has it a map 53 percent Which I I can I can believe that one. I can believe that one Yeah, it's just I know that this site lies now. That's the thing. It's kind of like kind of sucks that we just sort of How that that they just have no integrity and they just what will happen like captain Yeah, I get caught the way that they uh that they did the system It yeah, it literally was captain marvel Yeah, captain marvel was the one where they finally like had the big breakdown and bowed to the you know the overlords and Deleted a shit ton of like that many many thousands of reviews So when I was thinking about I was going to bring it up either earlier or just now And I feel like now is better because the guy has clearly expressed He basically knows everything that's going on and how it works and why and I was thinking if he knows That the power to be able to be in multiple places to see the future to affect it So that you're saving people all the time is all because of the fact that you were in the womb While your mother was bitten by one of the spiders they have Why have they never done this before? Because I imagine madam web How did I know that any of this is possible if they've never if it's never happened before yeah, so They don't replicate it But they did almost Cause it to happen and I was just saying to myself like is the answer to this every time It's just they just go in by what they know happens and they make it happen Seems like that's what we're meant to conclude which is just what a lazy approach to writing Did you remember I was all meant to be that way remember Ragnarok? That's what angrobot is all about. She's got a specific list of things She's got to do to help people in certain places and provide stuff and then she says like Helping Atreus was the last thing That's it So now she's just like I don't know what I'm supposed to do and The part of the point of that game is like well fuck fate you you make your choice. You make you make your nature Exactly around what you want to do Someone just doing everything because the great web tells you to Okay, well, it's just wow. I guess you're just deferring all of your free will to this big Like notion of I guess fatalism in a sense that everything is going to happen the way that it's that it's supposed to But it just makes it easier from a writing perspective because any bullshit you can just appeal to well. Yeah, that's the the web That's the web's a fate. Yep. That's that's the web will do that Well, the thing is the only reason I'm saying that that's probably is because anything else would be insane like the amount of insane pieces of knowledge that everyone has It's the same bullshit and fucking halo not the games obviously the fucking show Where like any of the insane coincidences that if you were to just chalk them up to people making choices are insane But if it's all fate destiny Oh, we're part of something grander. It's like oh, well, then I guess fucking anything can happen Can't it why would why but why would you present your story in this way? Where you defer all of the causality to just like well, it's fate fate It's uh, it was all gonna happen that way. Anyway Who cares about the character's capacity to make their own choices. It's lame. It's just super lame And it's lazy It is I hate it. Um, if I ever write a story it will never have fate It will there's no destiny. No fate. People might believe the only way you would have it is if you had commentary on it like Um, yeah, like I might have yeah, I might have people like there might be um people who uh espoused prophecies and people who believe in them And maybe act with those stories in mind But I would never be like, oh, yeah, it's just faded to be that way You know, you didn't actually have a choice or anything like that. It's just so fucking lame and dull and Uh That's why I really like you know, like ragnarok and stuff like that and I I have a lot less interest in stories that say Like this is your fate and you met it while trying to stop it. I'm like, oh, okay Well, I guess you should have just died and accepted it then it can be the whole sort of interesting stories to tell with that but It just it becomes distinctly fucking uninteresting. Yeah, if it's done as a sort of like, I don't know what to do It's this Oh, okay Because this guy just knows everything that's going to happen. It's like wow your life must be Simultaneously effortless and boring That you know everything that's going to happen Yeah, it's uh Well, I'm like I said it I think it should cause a whole bunch of extra questions about everything that he's doing but Mm-hmm, you know, we don't get to know much about he's just He provides basic he provides trailer lines. Yeah, because I was going to say like what he says isn't much of anything No Oh, because he doesn't explain for the nature of how to use our abilities She just says oh your abilities are really cool. It's like, oh, yeah, but what what do I do specifically? You know, like what is your guidance? Do I have to clinch a muscle or what I need to do? Will you figure it out? You'll do it. It's like I guess because that's how that's how you teach people Is you'll figure it out instead of giving them direct and specific instructions on how to develop their skills It's almost like it's I just wasted a plane ticket coming down here Also, I mean it's worth emphasizing like what a bizarre What a bizarre like plot structure where the main character just goes to another country for like 15 minutes in the middle of the film Yeah, I mean and they all deal with it pretty well In fact, the what I was going to say is that they all don't seem phased by it, right? Which is super crazy. Like we basically put everyone on pause They have to like do a bit. It's like it's funny now. Ben has known the girls Significantly longer than madam web has He's been hanging out with him for like a week And also he would have had to she would have had to tell him To not call or talk to anybody about it Um to keep it all secret To not tell and make sure that um Aunt may didn't talk or tell about anything either Like it has to be a secret because someone's trying to kill and then they would be like, oh Well, what do you mean? We have to keep it secret. What happens if someone finds out? Are they in danger or whatever there are three girls living in a house that she's just got to deal with Ben's gonna just have to say like, yeah, there'll only be if like a week Hopefully just don't ask any questions about that. It's like, oh, that's cool. No What if the police like knock on the door and ask questions? What if at least the girls Police be their rags is it because that would be the obvious thing the police would do No Is it like they have her identity or anything? I think like four or five days goes by and madam web hasn't returned from peru and the amazon What what one of the girls is like, I think we should call the police. I think she's dead Like I have a like I have a I have a life and I gotta go to school and you know stuff At what point do they say? Yeah, we gotta move on. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know The plot's not great No, and uh, we get evilman again and he well because we fast forward to I guess around about the time madam is is returning and he says every day that goes by my appointment with death gets closer And you still It's so funny My appointment with death Gets closer. Is your hair gray yet? Do you look like you do in the dream? Yeah, well you caught tonight. It's closer if any time was passed. Have you noticed any like Is there anything about uh You know what I would do is I would Um There's a lot of interesting stuff you could do if you always saw a vision of them killing you in the future And it was like that bed in your room where you lived. What if you moved? Like what if you got a different house? What if you what if you said, oh, I'm having this dream every night What if I what if I keep a calendar on the wall so that I know the date that this happens? I said, why doesn't he look at his phone? Yeah, like, um, what if I uh, what if I do something? You know like except move put a calendar on the wall something like that but no none of that None of that at all unless he has no autonomy in this vision. He simply watches it happen And in the vision is no indication of any kind of Anything that he could possibly well, it doesn't make sense. Anyway, we've kind of been over I guess Fuck it and say we can just move right along and he says, um, how have they been hidden for a week? So that you know a week has passed Someone said no lucid dreaming. No, no. This isn't lucid dreaming. What if he put a calendar on the wall in real life? What if he moved houses in the real well, but rags that would be fated So then that calendar would fall off the wall the day that the vision happens so that you can't see And then the vision would just move to a different house or something Yeah, instead of getting kicked out the window. He literally destroys the building and the vision is like, ah, but that's fated Shoot himself in the head I moved houses, but still they find me wherever I'm sleeping. It's it's where they They they manage to kill me. There's nothing I can do to escape it Which is already like lame and uh, but And again, these are like the small things if you got particularly deranged You could like I don't know He could like draw a knife against his like cheek to see if he had a scar in the future It's like well the fact that I didn't have a scar in the future now I've got one that's got to change something right and then if it just gets reflected in the dream And he started getting even more unhinged that feels like a story Somebody constantly trying to change the future but every time their dream just keeps adapting to the crazy things that they do in their lives To the point that they maybe realize that they're like actually insane and that they need to I don't know like live in the present or get help Well, no, he just he doesn't really try anything He just no immediately decides that he's gonna commit to healing man not very talented He no I like that we had enough time there between his two statements because the second one is arguably funnier She says I have eyes and ears on everything and then he says Those girls cannot exist. They will destroy me. I will destroy you if you fail me Let's remember he wouldn't be a cliche villain if he didn't threaten his employees I just don't understand things that are literally beyond their control The only already doing so much the only way she can definitively fail him is if They finally kill him because until they do she will be providing information to get them, right? The only way that stops is a process is if he dies, so how's he gonna kill her if he dies? It's not even a good thread Also the fact that she's been able to do all the things that she does is already in the realm of fantasy That she can listen into every single call across new york city a city of eight million people at the time and be able to know Which ones are happening and where to look at all the cameras with already fantasy level technology And arrange it the fact that she was able to find them all where she did Is a miracle and he's acting as if she can Like make things happen like she needs to go out there and push them in front of a camera or something All she could do is say well until someone does anything there's nothing I can do You know, they had a weekend the the the nsa computer of godlike powers. He knew exactly who she was So like it should take you maybe an hour to find the house Maybe that And that's that's it Don't move. Oh, yeah, if she yeah, he knows who madam Cassie web is yeah, you check her apartment then he would ask her living relatives Well, I thought I thought was what when she did go back to her apartment Actually the the the first time when when she was in the woods and went back to go check the grail diary I thought that she might go up to the door and the door was already unlocked Or something or someone had already been there and or was waiting for her, you know Like that was distracted by a thing for you a theme tune for you have a speech there No, I like it. I like it. But that's what I thought because that's what you do, right? That's the thing Yeah, do But it didn't get done So A lot of things don't wait. Sorry. Did my whistling come through? A little bit. Yeah, normally it doesn't. Oh, it's kind of nice. It's kind of nice. Yeah All right. I thought you would that's all right. Give rags a bit of a backing track, which is cool Right. No, I appreciate that. I really do. I liked it Oh, I think I I thought that it didn't get through when you whistled It typically doesn't like mine don't get through So mine mine do I guess they did that time I was whistling a very specific I will say I I was whistling to a very specific track from oppenheim Like a very specific one. That's what I was whistling to I was thinking about a different movie the uh the the scene with uh dr Hill, you know the one where like he testifies against straws and then straw straws That was the one I was whistling to Oppenheim has got some really good music. It's really good music. Yeah, it's good stuff. Good stuff. It should be Remember other movies Our another movie. Well, yeah, I mean it does again when we're talking about the broden meadow when you have oppenheim And there's like an actual film Yeah, with artistry and storytelling and great dialogue and dude, I want to watch scorsese watching this it'd be so funny Oh And then and then present him with someone who said, you know, I enjoyed that about as much as I enjoyed good fellas Mr. Scorsese Watch his soul After he sees it be like so, you know, what do you think of kassandra web? Like what what what what about it like what strikes to you first? What about a character? I can just see him being like You know Shutter I directed taxi driver You know, what happened? It was so exciting when we were making films back in the day Like I said that tarantino quote. He's like we're coming back, baby. This is the bad period. We're gonna come back I'm sure of it. It'll happen. Whoa. I guess it's interesting that talent because this next film is his lost, right? Yeah, it is funny that he's like, we'll have a good new period and get anyway. Bye Anyway, I'm done Fuck this 10 movies is probably a good number to retire on, but still that is probably why He's like 10 He wants it to be 10. Yeah, but I would like for him to keep making more You know, tarantino you make 20 20 school too. You can make 20. You can make just like 14 You know, that's that's fine. If that's all you get up to before The end, you know 14 is a good number So problem Unfortunate you might even call it a crazy coincidence. Mary's water breaks. She must go to the hospital Oh, dear because the ambulance won't make it in time Well, I was gonna get to that in a moment. The first question would be this doesn't change much of anything for the girls She can go to the hospital. They can just stay at home And then you go to the hospital and they just stay inside but instead they decide they must all go together to the hospital You might you might be thinking it's to be to be fair. It's a special occasion. It's an event I mean, it's not like they're dealing with any problems like a spider man trying to kill them. Well, it's been a week Maybe they forgot You know, remember Danny forgot about the iron fleet, so They said that they said it like the fucking writers said that It's funny. I wonder if people played the fucking studio for that one, you know I'm sorry. It's just so funny. That was wild. That was so funny. I find it so funny It's like, yeah, they just forgot about a massive fleet of ships It's a classic for a reason I like that's literally the fact that they said that that she just sort of forgot They said that in an interview. Mm-hmm. They just said it out loud publicly. It killed a dragon And that is like having nuclear weapons like that you it just knocks it out of the fight. Like, okay Well, even I with even I with my very limited knowledge about game of thrones was like, I remember like fucking tyrian and um Varis, yeah, right virus talking like but this was before When he was like in charge of the city and the the fleet was coming And even they were talking about like, oh shit those three dragons are gonna be they're gonna get old one day And then nobody can stop them like even in the early seasons. They were setting all that shit up I've seen clips people You have I just I it is fascinating. What and you know, they got a new show coming out right on netflix Do they? Yeah, three body problem. I think it's called. That's uh, that's their new adventure Yeah, the the the game of thrones guys, that's isn't it amazing how they could do that and they're not radioactive in the industry and you just Remember they were going to do star wars for a bit They were you're right. They almost get star wars but I mean it feels like it's kind of the same with uh Like jj he had stuff lined up, but he hasn't made anything since the rise of skywalker None of that dc stuff has happened. What was the other thing that he was working on? Isn't it like a million things that he's attached to and working on that that are just never going to materialize Yeah, I think it's a matter of we do see some consequences for piles of shit being splattered across the screen Sometimes here and there well once I mean once you stop making money for people then at that point Um So you might be thinking right switch to making fun of it that all of them go into the hospital. So That doesn't necessarily give any of anything away. Yeah, I guess if they get onto the records of the hospital like You know because it's the girls, right? They've got to be recognized. It's like no the second They pull out girl has window right open pokes her head out and then her face gets snapped by some camera And it's fed into the nsa computer and she finds them immediately That's right. The kid is 2003 I don't even know what the camera was but it got her and this is the camera. This is eagle eye Uh There you go. Remember eagle eye brother. I do. It's brother. I that's one of the eagle eye is a different thing Eagle eye. She's talking about if you're referencing what I think you are, right? So I don't know if you already will I I am. Yeah, you are. Yeah, okay Um, so one from 2008. I think with shiella shiella buff billy bob Thornton. I oh my gosh I I just double checked the um the cast for it Shiella buff michelle monigan rosario dawson billy bob Thornton anthony mackey Man star studded cast So they leave And just immediately after the madam herself returns and she's like, oh gosh, I missed you But then she has a vision to tell her exactly where she needs to go because of course she does because that is I think the writer's being like wait, how would she know where to go? Um Oh, I can't I can't figure this shit out. Yeah, give her a vision Anytime they have any trouble like that. They should be like, we just do a vision. It's like try not to do it all the time Yeah, okay. We'll be able to catch up. I'm sure that's possible Yes But before thinking about that she arrived in her taxi Gets out of the taxi has the vision and as she is thinking about what she's gonna do next The ambulance arrives when they called it But of course this was mentioned it took too long so they ended up driving to the hospital themselves So that means the ambulance has arrived and nobody's there now. And so she's like, aha, I will steal the ambulance Another vehicle I can commandeer. Why didn't she get back in the taxi? I've you figured that I presume that a taxi can go faster than an ambulance Well, there's a more important reason that I assume you guys are on board with already if you steal an ambulance That means those EMTs don't have an ambulance. Yeah That means that the very people you have called to help save or protect people Now don't have the vehicle they need in order to do it and and those are the kinds of people that are on call Going from place to place to place to place to place to place and you just took their way to New York Not just taking the fact that they can travel with it But obviously all of their shit is in there too for helping people and then obviously, you know, just you're probably going to destroy it um Yeah, I just couldn't believe it because I was like there is no reason for you to do that Like you could have just taken yeah, you have your own car, but now you're gonna kill somebody That's probably gonna have had a drastic result for no reason at all But you know why right? Think every time something stupid happens. That's real stupid. It happens for no real reason. It's like wait What happens later? There's something in that ambulance. They're gonna need later to do a thing Nope, they could have written something else But no, we have to have it so she steals the ambulance because she's gonna need something in it later So fucking dumb movie doing dumb things, but whatever. It's fine. It's fine. So she steals it And uh spider bro has nsa girl By the way, it's been a week We did mention this earlier on but the nsa have not done anything to stop them from fucking around on that profile Nope Still log it in, you know, I think you know that doesn't surprise me, you know Just because someone dies doesn't mean that they shouldn't you know really be giving it their all at work Yes So they make all the lights green in the hopes that they'll cause a big old pile up and they kind of do and then Watch dog Yeah, and so they they fuck now spider bro knows which car it is and all he's gonna do is toss a grenade at them It's worse than and what it's worse than in that demo for watch dogs because in that demo the people get out of their cars After having crashed into each other and argue with each other, but here they just sit in their cars They just sit in the middle of their cars. Yeah So that everybody can oh sorry There there was a line here Oh, I think we skipped over it or maybe we didn't I'm having a bite in a moment, but it really bugged me when Ben told everyone to put their seatbelts on and then They proceed to get into like almost one and then like a couple like a couple actual automobile accidents and it's really As As the driver of the vehicle it is his responsibility that all of the yes it is Like oh like everyone put on your seatbelts. I can't put on a what what do you mean? I'm pregnant. I'm a pregnant lady. What do you mean put on a yes? Put on your fucking seatbelt woman This is this is arguably the most deadly thing you'll ever do in your life Is is get in this car and go down the road put on your fucking seatbelts. He says okay, never mind Yeah, when it's not no, it's no put on your seatbelts. I'm not moving this car and so you put on your seatbelts Yeah, literally. Yes. This car is not moving anywhere until you put on your seatbelt You could take the three seconds to put on your seatbelt Or are we just not going? It literally will save your life in the events of a crash And then as he's driving them to the hospital I'm gonna turn this car around and there'll be no cave canaveral for anybody You will have this baby at home. So help me God Wilson just drives by and smacks him over the head That's it back to Winnipeg Ah good means so I don't know how else to explain this Madam she's accessed the web. So she knows now where she needs to be and what she needs to do She I assume is driving through some kind of Arcing lot that leads up Has it ups like a midsection she She I'm just gonna have to say what else can I do? She drives through a wall out into the center of a street bursts through and Evil spider-man Jumps presumably to avoid her and instead jumps directly into her path And then she hits him with the the ambulance and avoids everyone else And also avoids suffering traumatic injuries herself after driving A ambulance off of like the fourth story of a building through a concrete I'm so glad for me that in the trailer. I have the shot. I need it's not the shot. I would like to have That comes through that side that Calvin Klein ad that's what she crashes the ambulance through and hits him with the ambulance I I Yeah, this is a part where I just like I don't think describing it captures just how fucking stupid it is It's insane and they probably thought it was a really cool payoff, but it's just It's all I have asked how this is fucking possible and I've had someone say is it to do with like the web The web protected her Yeah I don't even know what is behind that sign that she so easily can just drive through it I'm curious if it wasn't unfortunate that she like is like a car park Well, so a parking garage lest it as I mentioned, I think it is a parking thing But I'm talking about the material she has to drive through like be a concrete plastic metal like How does yeah like obviously there's gonna be a concrete Yeah, there's a concrete rim around the levels of the parking lot So you can't just you can't just careen off the side accidentally I just which which one breaks the the ambulance or the wall that's what like You know, which one is going to be the and if you do get through the concrete wall How much will you have been slowed down by all of the force that would be absorbed by that wall anyway It's just impossible. It's stupid. It is and that's She didn't get Oh, they even show I I want to say that how do they explain it? Did she go off a ramp or something or does she just drove through the wall I don't think they do it so fast concrete barrier They don't want you to think about any of this. It's oh is is beyond the same like it This is all the vehicle is fine and drivable. It's not like everything about the vehicle is destroyed The engine destroyed the wheel were destroyed that we're going about all that but it's like so the other thing is of course the He jumps into her meaning that like she if if she was heading where he believed she was She would have crashed into the car full of the people Yeah, and crushed them all but luckily if he had stood in place and not jumped he would have been fine and one This is what it would be none of this lights up gone forward and stuff or whatever and then she's lucky enough Of course to not crash into anyone else But I bet you what happened by the way. Oh, I'm sorry But by doing what she does his grenade indeed does not hit their car It instead falls out of his head and blows up another car And I'm a taxi that probably had someone in it. So I see you buddy. Fuck them Well, we are gonna run into this problem later regarding a decision that she makes Yes, so We will definitely be talking about this later. You already probably know what I'm referring to Something I would add in by the way for what I think happened there What I bet it was was in the script She drives off and then hits him and it's not like he jumps for anything and then when they were there on set They're like wait, but like the taxi Like the the the ambulas would hit the taxi There's no what it can't it can't be so close that it would hit him and miss the taxi and then they're like, oh make him jump That's what happened. Why would he jump and they're like because he's trying to avoid it Because we have booked this location and we can't fix this Just have him jump. So by trying to avoid it. He hits it and they go. Yes. See it's thematically on brand That's what he does It doesn't matter. We're making madame web. It doesn't fucking matter. Just have it happen. We just need to get this over with and done This is that kind of movie. We just go. Yeah, the web did it. She did it because of the web verse She web framed is all good the web. It's fine. Don't need to think about it We took physics lessons from the blues brothers. Oh, don't even mention that move. Yeah, that's me here Never attached that It's it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life is blues brothers With the nazis in the car and all the cop cars piling up It's the one of the funniest things in the universe. How dare you I mean madame web is pretty funny. But yeah, no idea. Madame web is pretty funny true But with blues brothers, they were trying to be funny and they succeeded This is funny by accident. Yeah, the creator of this has probably got some prize and you're like, oh, you shouldn't Put that away like in a way you should because you brought joy to people's lives, but not like Accidentally, it's like when you tell a joke and people are laughing at you instead of at the joke Like you did bring joy to people's lives, but not in a way you should be proud of So he starts uh like hopping over and over and over on cars and uh madame spots him and she's like Ah, he's gonna be hopping on top of us soon enough. So charge the defibrillator and on my mark Uh, you know electrocute the the roof of the car and it'll electrocute him And uh that is the reason she stole the ambulance Because otherwise you couldn't do that last straight and it's like wow good job madame web It's so funny Your powers are growing stronger madame web. Yes, she's webbing gradually all over the place He's starting to web not not quite as hard as possible, but getting pretty close Yeah, well, you know, I want to excite people you will see her web all over the place soon Not yet, but she's gathering power Gonna be uh gonna be something for the ages so, uh she sees like She does a vision thing again and and she's seeing the whole finale in her head. She's like, oh my god We got to go make that happen. And so that factory poor madame web. She has to watch this movie twice. Yeah. Yeah That factory from earlier. Um, we're going back there or warehouse, whatever Full of Explosives when for the rest of this we're just going to be referring to those fireworks because that's obviously what they are So there's a place full of fireworks. Remember they were there like as There was a there was fireman there and they were sort out a big fire and and so that that place Was on fire at some point They sorted it out, but all the fireworks are still in there It's been a week. Yep Now we're just in there I would have thought it either would have been Blown up like all the stuff in there that was blow up a bull blow up because it was on fire Or that they would have put out the fire and cleared the whole place out because it she even says it's structurally Well, yeah, you have to repair everything you have to Have people go out there and rebuild stuff and make things, you know, solid again The area appears to be unguarded which seems unwise to just have a bunch of fireworks unguarded in new york just for anybody to come in and grab It was a different it was 2003. It was a different time. You know different time So Your plan again, she could go to the police, but we will not do that instead She's because we have to have a film gather the webbers They're gonna web the web team are gonna get in there and they're gonna gather fireworks And flares and they're gonna set off all the explosives Now you might be thinking That's what go ahead. They um Sorry, I'm just trying to remember I I feel like Oh fuck, did you talk about the defibrillator or did I have a biden moment? You had a bite. Okay. I just making sure I you can you can talk about it. Go ahead No, I just thought it was I just wanted to make sure that everyone knew that there was a part Where he's about to jump on the ambulance and they defibrillate the top of the ambulance Yeah And it and it shocks him off of it. Mm-hmm Did you not like that moment? No, it brought me joy It's just it's just so fucking insane They they they just to be clear They defibrillate the top of the inside of the ambulance when he jumps on it And it shocks him to the point where he like flies off the ambulance and into a nearby parked car Mm-hmm I said this movie was really fun. I know it's just like isn't that insane? That's wild That just happens. They just do that in the movie They should take that with them. They should take that defibrillator with them and case he gets close And then shock him yeah away So that he goes It's a wall or something I agree I've never seen this but this is unprecedented This is wild. So this is the first time Honestly, this is the first time where the web versus causing me issues. Okay. The rest of it has made total sense Yeah, yeah, it adds to the film But now we've reached a complication because they're running into the building. There's explosives everywhere They're setting up flares to light everything off And basically she said the building is gonna explode and fall apart and trust me. This is what we're gonna do That just seems to me seems like a bad idea. I am in my opinion to me personally Like to go into a building that isn't sound and blow it up while you're inside You guys think I'm on the level with that one or do you think maybe? Um I 50 50 I think I see where you're coming from. I kind of see the logic, but I'm not quite convinced yet. So I'm I'm So like I think kind of nitpicky honestly a little nitpicky never happened to me So I'm kind of speaking out my ass here, but when I if a building falls on you A lot of people Okay, I've gone too far with it plenty people survive that that's fair. That's fair I just fireworks doesn't fireworks isn't gonna like destroy a building. It's structurally unsound right? She says that Oh, okay, structurally Unsound and their explosives is what she says not fireworks. What even is a firework? What is that fireworks? Yeah, I know fireworks What do you mean? Yeah, I have a tarmania so You just I don't this plan isn't working for me, but everyone seems to be on board with it Especially the madamster. She's really into it And I think you're supposed to believe that she has seen the whole thing in her head And what she saw was just loads of explosions And I guess the web is telling her yes, though. I know it sounds crazy, but yes It is crazy, but it's crazy in your favor. You go girl because you'd think Well, okay, but what if she went to the police and you're like, ah, well, I see that's where you're wrong because Evil spider-man will just kill all of the police. He'd expect every time he'd expect even though one gunshot to him would kill him True that sure that'll get him but like You know explosive building That'll definitely get him. So don't take the risk with the police. That's that's too risky You got to get him in the explosive building. So all right. Well Knowing all of like I said, you have to really buy up the web verse And so at this point, yeah, we just have to take it. This is gonna work according to the web Now she calls in air support from the ambulance I feel like that's not something she could do Even if she is an emt I don't think you can simply grab up The walkie-talkie and say Air support Where I'm at right now. I need a helicopter to come here and they just say okay I'm gonna just say sure. I feel like they'd ask you questions like why Because as I remember it's not a it's not a um It's not like a medical helicopter. I think it's I think it's a police department helicopter Yeah, police helicopter and also they probably say Holy shit, where have you been for like the past week and a half? Is that classy? Oh, all right, cat. Are you okay? Are you are you all right? No, we're just gonna send a helicopter to you They assume the voice is the the person who should be in that ambulance right now But I imagine that they've already contacted They're you know director of slash contacts whatever saying our ambulance has been fucking stolen And yeah, because they would have had they would have called they would have used the phone at the house probably And to be honest with you cell phones to say hey someone stole our ambulance Wouldn't surprise me if the police were already on that ambulance for having been stolen And if they were contacted from that ambulance saying said air support I seriously doubt they would send a fucking helicopter to the people who stole an ambulance I don't know what the hell's going on anymore. This is like where But I think at this point you have to trust in the web It did say this would happen But even the web do not doubt the web to doubt the web is heresy And it it's so funny how much they take on faith with her because she says Evil spider man is gonna be here any minute put the flares in the boxes of explosives What? Just be clear. Has she done anything in front of them that would convince them that she can see the future Or did she just say that she's told them that she has information that she doesn't know that she gets from visions I Think I guess I mean the thing with the ambulance rock at her right That's the one that would probably be like wow like you if you like how did you burst through a wall? And hit the one thing you wanted to hit not all of us and it worked out It's like well because of the web I can see the future. You're like, oh sure If they could have even seen that because I don't know what they would honestly They've not acted human throughout the whole film. So this wouldn't be you know out of character Yeah, I I could see how a non-human would be easily convinced by that without having any Any shred of skepticism. So yeah, that's true is the He could just not show up. They booped him off the ambulance. They've turned several corners We don't know if he even caught up. He might just not show up, but it's like no I might just have a broken rib. He's going. Ow Holy fuck how ironic They get me Fucking hell. I've been I've been hospitalized by an ambulance. Oh, no I mean, I'm laughing, but Jesus Christ that hurts. I'm going home Fuck and then he just leaves The place begins to explode. We have fireworks because they're putting Because they are manually putting yes, lit road flares in random boxes massive Boxes of fireworks. They're all just going around lighting flares putting them in boxes of fireworks Lighting flares boxes of fireworks as they go That's just that's just what they're doing That's the plan and her plan would rely on an incredible amount of precision For that to be able to like work in the way that it does But everyone's just like oh just put in this box In that box of firework in this box of fireworks that all the explosions just happen to catch them in the right way Instead of killing them all that would kill according to the web's plan. So it is it prays the web Doesn't make sense somewhat. Yeah, plus it is the mind too small for doubt So he's uh, he's on him. He's coming. Oh, it's scary. Oh, what are we gonna do? And she says just go that way and they start running and then she says now and ducks And a firework flies past them And hits the wall and blows open an exit wall Yes, a firework hits the brick wall The brick and mortar wall and it blows a perfect hole through it that they can escape through Chat you have to understand this makes less sense than the wheelchair rocket from dr. Who Less An rpg. Yeah, why not? This is a fucking rpg in the room. Why not? Yeah, a firework It's basically a rocket propelled grenade. Yeah You just watched it. You're like, this is this is wonderful Anything can happen and they believe it makes sense. Yeah This film doesn't know what fireworks are. No, but it never will It's no if they don't understand now yeah, um So then they all start doing like the helpers help us to the helicopter that has already arrived And I just don't even know what the helicopter would think of what's happening like the people in there What in the world? Why you've blown up this building? What's going on? Why is any of this happening and um Then madame web picks up a piece of debris and starts like captain america shielding all of the fireworks Because she knows where and when they will hit because of the web Well, it's not it's not the fireworks so much as the like the massive sharp pieces of shrapnel that are flying through the air like Because the whole building's exploding Yeah, fireworks are shooting through the roof and coming out the top They're causing explosions to create massive pieces of shrapnel It's like a war zone. It is brilliant It's insane and nonsense and the thing happens. I had to tweet it out because I was so blown away by um Fireworks are going off. Okay. They're everywhere Spider bro is on his way here. He comes evil spider man. He's gonna get you Oh god, he's coming but she has a vision that a firework is coming right out here So she thinks to herself wait If it's coming at me and I got out of the way of it And it was in the pathway of evil spider man. It would hit him Aha, so she does it precisely that she thinks she she's in place. She dodges it He goes right out of the chat like if you don't know about this, I'm just going to tell you what happens He sees that firework just in time and so he punches it into the helicopter and it blows up I mean he's like a poison So Why didn't he why didn't it blow up when he flashed? Because the the firework Just if we let's just accept the fact that a firework can hit a helicopter and blow it up instantly We'll just accept that because we Our level establish the power level of fireworks in this universe is such that it can destroy brick walls Destroy building rooftops. It's basically a rocket propelled grenade. It's basically a missile It blows up the helicopter, right? This means that and I and I thought it was different I thought madame web tells somebody one of the girls to duck So that the girl ducks and it hits Um And then he deflects it into the helicopter. Oh, it could be I don't remember but I think she tells because the the spider guy Ezekiel he's about to I think he's about to kill one of the girls or hit one of the girls And that's and then she tells the girl to duck And that's what makes it happen. There's an important part of this, okay? That he punches so madame web madame web's character is such that She will knowing what's going to happen having premonition powers She makes the choice to tell someone to duck One of the girls to duck Knowing that the people in that helicopter Will die if that happens I guess she didn't know that She's got the you got the premonition powers She didn't know that one Oh, okay Also with how much clearly goes wrong in this scene according to her like is in things that happen that she is shocked by Why in the hell did she try this plan in the first place? Yeah, it seems like Like premonitions are not all encompassing so reliable or even reassuring Yeah, so they shouldn't do this crazy plan And also relying on the fact that you have to tell them to like duck or get down at the exact perfect moment If they're a second off if they're one second too late, they're dead Which they might be If anything it's likely that they might be one set that would be one second off Well, you know with all this shit exploding around you and the shrapnel and the booms and the fireworks Relying on her to say duck Without even saying no Yeah, I'm assuming that they can actually hear you over all the explosions That him Punching it into the helicopter and exploding that for me was when it crossed the line into oh man I actually feel like I could recommend this to some people don't pay for it, but That shit is so funny. Like it would belong In some films Like that's a good meme for a lot of comedy films if if that were a naked gun, you know It makes me I hold on the helicopter exploding for a little while You know what they're doing they're like look how fucking incredibly like effective evil spider-man is like what he just did I'm just laughing like it's so fucking funny That's I guess why it's funny because like they just don't know how could they know they think it's badass It's so stupid Ah, it's good that You know Like because people a lot of people have been saying and I just agree with it This is the kind of bad that I almost Prefer I would like to see more of this kind of bad Not the bad that makes me furious because how much you pistol over everything and you keep like telling me within the content How much you're awesome and how much everything else sucks that you're working from or the culture around you you hated Yeah, this is just someone earnestly trying to tell a story about characters and they can't do it to save their fucking life Yeah, they piss on their own creations. Yeah, which is way funnier It's so much funnier. This film like I said I laughed out loud A number of times during that I had I enter I I got more entertainment and joy from this movie than many many movies In like the money I got more entertainment and joy out of it. Then yeah a lot of these marvel films have become I was like laughing out loud. I saw some of this shit happening and I was just like out laughing. I like this I'm so happy Yeah, because someone's compared like suicide squad kill just like yeah That just pisses me off almost every fucking half an hour of understanding everything that's happening But in this like I could go for a sequel to this If they get it. Yeah, absolutely Fuck it Just do more stupid shit. Let it be that Ezekiel survives. He crawls out and he's like nah my spider powers, bro I'm actually okay uh Which you know, I mean we're getting close. So may as well carry on I was gonna say we're actually like near the end at this point Yeah, which is which is sad because you'd like to see a few more punched um fireworks Where are we? I forget the order of it Does uh hungry girl does she do this hungry girl slide down the not not quite yet. I don't think but Okay, okay. Well, so I can't quite remember the order of everything, but I know that something happens here The I was getting confused by he doesn't he strangle madam at one point. He's got both of his head evil man Yeah, he does but he doesn't use the power He doesn't use both hands on her neck for a significant amount of time if he's if he activated poison Which he has no reason not to she's dead Well, he don't forget he randomly takes off his uh He's got a rags. It's a final fight. Why would be like for literally for no reason He just like he's about the like I think it's when he's strangling her Yeah, he just takes off Yeah, he gets her in like one hand and then with his other he takes his mask off because it's really important that he does that In the ramy spider-man films They were creative enough to either partially destroy the mask so that you can see part of his face or Have the mask get destroyed such that he has to take it off and then do something with it But now it's just like basically just take it off We're not even gonna pretend that we care about keeping characters in costume anymore. No Fuck it I love it. How he made a little spider-man outfit. He made a little spider-man outfit for himself That's kind of that's cute. Look at you go. You got your little black and red shitty looking spider-man outfit Well discount spider-man is too kind I'd say Not that good. I you're probably right. This is like Chinese Uh bootleg fake. Yeah, like this is a Chinese fake. This is a Yep, this is fake stuff He has some more funny dialogue because I think it is while he's grabbing her or close to it that he shouts at her You should have walked away. You can't protect them What are you doing bad just get the job done seriously like Doing the stupid cartoon villain man You have a man Uh, but yes, that's when she does the slidey skate thing. I think and uh He Throws her in such a way that it looks like oh, yeah I don't know how else to explain it. She looks like she would have not only been injured significantly But the there's no way she's grabbing onto a rail How would you explain how he throws it? It's that awful CGI. They do this awful CGI thing where he throws her and then she yeah She grabs like a beam And then she spins around and grabs it. Yeah. Yeah, it's flying so fast that there's no way she could have gripped it She was trying it looked like she was moving like 60 kilometers per hour She was flying past her, but I guess she's got strong enough grip to grab it. But oh no, she's in peril now Well, yeah, and that's that's uh the nature of the situation is they're all in peril the three girls all three They're all remember hanging off. They're hanging off of something. They're all in peril because they were trying to help See maybe we shouldn't have gone into the building and exploded ourselves. Maybe that wasn't the All that helicopter To blow it up. They thought they were gonna get evacs, but then it blew up Well, so no rags raises a good point It did why did the web tell you to do that assuming that's why you called it It just got exploded when if it weren't there the firework would have just gone up into the sky And that would have been it Do they think that evil spider-man? Ezekiel would have just let you get on the helicopter Well, I know this is all with like do you really think the helicopter's actually gonna land there while there's a bunch of fireworks going off? It's the building that's falling apart on that roof There's no way he's not bishop at the end of aliens. Okay. He's not gonna do some risky plays The guy in that helicopter has no idea what's going on Fucking nuts So yeah If you're Ezekiel at this point and you can see that she recognizes there's three people in peril and that she wants to save them Do you kill her and then just enjoy the fact that all three are gonna die or do you instead stand there and shout You can't save all three If you're a stupid insane villain man, you would do that. Yeah, it's so fucking stupid. I couldn't believe it You got it It's like really you you can barely save one of them. Yeah good luck Save it with a bird in accessible locations So I promised that she would web all over the place And indeed she does so She accesses the web The hyper web. She does an echo. She makes an echo. She does the echo thing The web echo has been activated The mainframe is online. So she's in there And she manages and this is the thing this has been set up So anyone in chat who says dude, what the fuck? Anyone who says that is wrong anyone who didn't even imply this is a poorly written film No, what happens is that she spawns ghost versions of herself that can all save all of the girls at the exact same time As though she's splitting herself across a web She's yeah She's like she's making different versions of herself. She's like projecting She's maddening into Different web areas like clones. Yeah, she makes clones essentially web clones little little ghosty clones of herself running around and they all save the girls Um, I don't know what what this what spider trait this is supposed to represent But what spiders being able to split up into multiple different spiders Well, listen, I I already I already think I have an issue with super strength being a spider trait But I'm like, okay, but but this one here. This one's like what what's but how is this related to spiders? well Least of this film's issue, you know Just stands there and lets this happen. Yeah, he does I just you sort of sitting there thinking like man if he had just tackled here a punch to this would be over Yeah, but he doesn't he eventually does Eventually does after they've all been saved. I think what you mean is he does once he's allowed to Well, yeah, when it when it's showing like um Well, when it zooms out a bit and you're watching all this madness happen I think they have him doing the whole confuse like oh Oh He's kind of moving up and back and he's looking around like he's totally bewildered by all this instead of him Just fucking just just killing her instantly Because he has super strength. I think so he can just He can just kill her You can just kill it. She's just a normal person. You can just kill her with your hands You can just grab her neck and squeeze it and break it. I like as well In the montage of her saving them with one of them as she's picking her up. She's like you're gonna be okay I was just like this fucking is fire and chaos everywhere the man is still there trying to kill you All of this peril has been created by you. It doesn't even it's not even the murderer He's also here. I just Sure, it's nice to say to somebody. I just find it hilarious if she was picking me up at that point Say it's gonna be okay. It's like it's not okay. This is not okay There's the one girl. It's hungry girl when she gets thrown onto the sign That the one that looks like terrible CGI that isn't believable in any way She's just sort of like hanging on the sign on some like crossbeams or something The madame web projection that goes to her I don't think it does anything like the other she's like pulling it up Yeah, because you can't really do that It would be long and awkward for her to get off that position right and get back onto safety Whereas the other she's kind of like pulling them up and that's like, okay, that makes sense But well, it's it's hungry girl. It's verbal support. They don't even show it Telling me that she can do it gets her to do it right. Yeah, you can do it. Yeah You got this you have trouble with film language. I've noticed that but that's okay because we're here to explain it to you It's just a subtlety, you know I just remember they just they didn't even try and show her saving hungry girl There's no way they can do that. It looks too awkward and weird Based on her like where she's hanging on the sign so We reach the Pepsi sign They are I love I don't love Pepsi, but we've established this They're on the Pepsi sign. She's crawling along it and he's he's after her and he says He's really mad. He's really mad and he says you're just like your mother Which is Classic villain line. You're just like the aspirational character Just to be clear. These two are nothing alike. I don't even know what imagine being here We don't even know what he's referring to you're just like the the pregnant woman I shot because she didn't want to lose the healing spider Yeah, you're just like her That's who you're like Just like the woman I shot fighting over He wants the same way that she didn't give up for some reason you have elected to split yourself into multiple versions of yourself Just like your mother Set off fireworks that have miraculously hit me several times just like her It's such a cliche villain line. So you're just like them Once again, though, if if you were trying to make this funny, it's like, what would you have us say back? It's like there's a couple options, but I quite like what they go with which is here saying. Yes, I am Yeah, I I did appreciate that. I appreciated that. That was that was great. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Cassie just chatted. Yes. Yeah, you got it You know what you're right. I am just like her however she was I never know her Thing in secret invasion remember the the bad guy said it to uh, Amelia Clark. Oh, you're just like Gravic remember they did it's so generic. Yeah. Well, if you're not so different you and I is the other one, right? Well, they they go like you and me answer different Which to be honest with you, he could have fucking said he could have done that I would have bought that this would be the film he would say there's not much You know, you and I with with the same we're working so hard just to have a chance or something like that Just some generic shit As a general rule, don't write your villain saying you're just like ancestor And civilly don't have them say where the same you and I If there's a connection you have a really good idea if you have a really good idea for that And they're yeah, and there is a meaningful connection thematically or whatever then go for it, but Even then these are usually that the audience pick it up and point it out themselves instead of having them Is this in like some shitty screenwriting handbook it's gotta be like They just have a list of these lines where if you're stuck if you just stuck turn to the page of miscellaneous Interchangeable villain lines and just grab it and plop it into your scripts Plop plop is a good word for the film. Yeah, plop it in You're dropping it particularly haphazardly. I feel is what plopping it is. So madame plop The the sign the sign is falling apart and uh and as pieces fall on him trapping him sort of on the Sign at the back. She says those girls were never in your future. I was Which um, what the fuck does that mean? Not only is that a bizarre question, but then it raises the question of why the fuck did he get visions that they were gonna kill him I don't know what he was he was cursed because he stole the spider. That's what the guys say back at the amazon But I guess it was it was all a lie to mislead him into a situation where madame web gets him When she said that I was legit so confused. I was like, why would she even say it? What? Why would you believe that? I guess they thought it was badass, but like it's so fucking confusing because I guess she's right Because his fate was to be killed by her not them Okay He does fall. It's hilarious He's not a bulls-grain holding his arms up and screaming. No Did you mention uh, because I stepped away, um, did you mention how when he's walking towards her on the sign? I remember her saying like out loud so that Intended for us to hear as an audience. She was like, come on keep coming. Yes. That's right. She did He says out loud as he's like right there fault walking towards her This is the same energy as when in I think it was in the desolation of smalg When bilbo said out loud The black arrow found its mark and and in smalg went What did you say to imply the weak spot on smalg's chest? Right and bilbo said it out loud because the audience really needed to know what he was supposed to be thinking at that point And when it's utterly retarded to say that out loud Uh, I have pulled up the most relevant screenshot for what happens next Yeah So He falls and as fringy mentioned he has the stupid like What's so weird is you can see this distance It's not that far for and we I guess we didn't mention this but there's earlier parts in this film where he Jumps off of places and lands that are huge distances more than this So he very recover strange. He's also been hit by two cars One being an ambulance in mid air Yeah, but this is a pepsi sign. This is it's not even the pepsi sign. It's one of the letters. It's like is it the It's clearly the b from bepis that hits him upside down So how much money did pepsi give this movie? Well, yeah, so the hero that kills the villain pepsi kills the bad guy it falls on him and he just dies There's no reason to think this would kill him It falls on him perfectly too. It's like it's no it's like Yeah, you've seen It's you could see him through like the it's is it the pee that lands on him, but you could see the um You could see his face like in the in the loop of the pee And you see the little cgi blood behind him on the pavement Can I just say by the way, this is like looks like the marvels. They put the villain death in the fucking trailer so weird I don't know why but I don't know what they were thinking when that marvels one. She explodes And they're like, yeah, let's chuck that in the trailer Well, we don't want people to be like worried or anxious that the bad guy wins You know, we'd better throw into the trailer that no worry guys the good guys win the bad guy loses Here that apparently they shot an alternate ending for that where captain marvel also dies Ah, wow Yeah, apparently that was the case they shot an alternate ending where she like explodes Do you think that when they pitched that debris she was like sure Oh, well, yeah, I mean maybe I would have thought you'd be upset. She's like We're not getting rid of you just yet. Oh Yeah, then she equally is like fine. That's fine Yeah, all right um But anyway, that's the end of evil. He's out spider man. That's it. We'll we'll miss him. He was so great Madam web Well, yeah, so she you know, you think like oh, we did it bad guy's dead But no, she falls too And as she's falling you see fireworks are slamming into the water around her and unfortunately Luckily she falls into the water when he fell on the pavement. Yes Also, she fell into the water from pretty high to the point that that fall might have killed her She fell off the top of the building like one is that like a good 30 meters I mean, oh, yeah, you can yeah, you can absolutely fall into water on your back on your back. Oh on your back. Uh Because if you did like the emergency block where you you know, like you hold your arms together and well No, I can the water the water's already broken up because all the fireworks, you know, so she's not slamming into a flat She's fine. Yeah, the web but Fringy the web the web does guide her to safety But the web take earth as much as it Take it away A firework this shit was I knew about some of this like the character from the comics, right? But I didn't I didn't know they were doing this so The firework goes into the water and slams right into her eyes And it's just like what why? this are And Because it's water again. Yes, it would yes, it would it would lose the bullets slow down dramatically when they hit the water Yeah, after about three feet. You're basic. You're basically bulletproof after she was very far down She was really very far down. She's probably like 30 feet that she was down far And I don't know why but this that kind of reminded me of how like in the like reboot new timeline x-men films At the reason why Charles is bold is because the apocalypse thing made it. Oh my god. That was so funny and stupid It reminds me of that where like you come up with these really weird and stupid origins for the way that a character is supposed to look Well, so there's all this also I lost my hair correct me the wrong but that also crippled her Uh, I guess the I don't know if she's crippled or if she just uses the chair because she's blind and she doesn't want to use the cane I don't know either. I don't know. I have no idea. But I mean, yes, we only see her in a wheelchair after this So, yeah, um, they drag her out. You can't skip the payoff. Yeah, that's right They drag her out of the water and this is the big payoff for the movie This is what you've all been waiting for chat. We've built this up and finally we can have it She has indeed kind of drowned What do you need to do with someone who's drowned or close to just being permadead? When they've taken in too much water You need to give them CPR Desperate moment they got to get them or the the the the compressions anyway, and so The music is is just it's losing it because it's the music itself knows what a big moment this is It's like I I hope I can You know do it well and the actress is new as well. This is this is huge So they they perform the compressions between them And the camera is just spinning around like good god. Look at this And they set it up. They really did If anyone claimed they didn't set this up, you'd be fucking wrong because they did several times You know what? It's it's madame webs teaching The intern saves madame web Well, she is a really good teacher. She is a really good teacher. That's true Obviously, she's blind and possibly paralyzed, but You know, she doesn't need to comment on that Well, remember she comments later about that. All right, not at the time. Okay Not at that time She just got fished out of the water. Okay. She's just happy to be breathing, which is fair You know, she's done but she is really content with the fact that she can't see You would think that it would be the the the main thing on our mind at that point of like Oh, uh-oh Um, and you know, we're done with that. So then we see the peter parker is born We still don't mention his name though Do we a a non-descript? child is born to Uh May parker potentially we don't know who it is We're not allowed to say who it is uncle ben is there, but his dad is not he's off somewhere else Yes, richard is not there He is not present That to me feels very much like they actually genuinely feel like uncle ben like it's like Yeah, dad always from the very beginning like not that he was his later father figure and that he had a dad like It's it's just I don't know. It feels like the metastee beginner. It's like, yeah, it's uncle ben. That's his dad It's like all he is in the in the broader, you know metaphorical Sense or I guess philosophical. I think rags said may was a mary is the name of the Mary yeah, not may that's yeah Because remember ben parker's brother is richard parker. Yeah, right, right? So, you know, all of it is there's no it doesn't add anything to the film at all All of those little bits No, it's it's uh, and it's so funny because you remember how people felt that way about um They felt that way in joker about like the thomas wane and the and the batman stuff But like that's that was way more tethered to the story Oh, yeah, I didn't this Well, we're spider-man adjacent so we might as well have an adjacent spider-man thing going on Dude, that was an explosion of meaning the uh a casual piece of violence during this like revolution from joker The batman like that's so fucking interesting, but that's cool. And also thomas wane was a character. Yes He was thomas wane was a character um So we were the she's in the hospital bed and surrounded by her wonderful family and they say we're not going to leave you Cassie and then she says I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you and then they say right back at you I just good. It's really good. It's really they are now they are bonded. They are family in fact The dude says these little family and she says they're all mine Oh Oh, that that made me laugh too because the nurse comes in they'd better be family. They are nurse slaves Were you were you not coming in here to run some kind of test? No, no just to check Do you see though the like both the both the adam webb could say that they're her family Both those interactions are both not needed because we're supposed to draw that from watching them as people But then they do a third one being genie anything and she says no, I have everything right here It's like stop and then and then they ask because that's the same scene where they ask her Oh, yeah, how's it feel to like be blind and then she just says what does she say? I can see better than I ever have some bullshit Yeah, she says like I can see better than ever It's like yeah, but I meant how does it feel to like literally not be able to see that's what I was asking Well, and and uh, they say as well about uh, Peter being bored the the baby is doing great bed is happy all the fun and none of the responsibility And then she says that's what he thinks She's like she's I need you to understand she's memeing about mary and richard dying Yeah, like that is pretty crazy isn't it? What a cunt Beaming about the tragedy of his life And she knows and but she knows she can change the future. Yep. No, because we need spider-man That's the only way that happens spider-man. So sorry, mary. Sorry Sorry, Ben as well. Yeah, Ben you have to die But he could become spider-man and ben can learn. Oh, Ben must the web says Oh, yeah, that's right. Ben must die He must the web has spoken rags. It's a cat You can't interrupt the property Ben must die Ben must die A million trillion universes are stained with the blood of countless Ben On the altar of uncle Ben I Could imagine that is like an eldritch horror movie where one Ben Parker realizes that the universe as guiding forces the ordain his death It's so and then he just runs around in a netherrealm with a river of Ben Parker. Yeah, this is bed Parker hell where all the Ben Yeah, we had this the I guess for those who don't know we had the whole Well, we're talking a lot of spider-man stuff. There are people who seem to be like really intent that ben absolutely must die We kind of a spider-man without Ben Parker being fucking Well, I suppose Is there a is there like a version in a timeline of like a ben? You know in the same way that the point had tom's point batman Is there a ben to clear up there doesn't have to be been it has to be someone it could be like The father of mentor figure father figure Yeah, I think someone someone's got to fucking die. Okay the web spoke. That's right Madam and madam web is she's watching over all of this gridding and then I start playing evil music because she's the villain It's all going according to my plan We're so close to the every ways we'll carry on right so we're doing the wrap up They're all like living together now in the in the web house because the the web family and they're gonna be saving lives and shit The web yeah, the the web and they they see her and they're like can you see us in the future? And she says yes, I can see you standing up for what you believe in That is That speech is is I like I love that part the best because it's just oh god. No Yeah, she says you were always more powerful than you thought than you know And then it comes back to the girls and they go make sense to me Nice Yeah, and this is the the final 25 percent of the one minute where you see them being like spider women In their outfits, yeah Well, the last line for the movie is whatever the future holds will be there And dude like they have their full outfits at the end it looks Terrible ultra cringe ultra cringe the mad of web costume with the big like glosses that she's wearing the big red glosses They don't have powers these three girls are just normal. Well, they're far below average, but they're they're like shitty teen girls Well, she's gonna take them to the amazon while she's researching spiders They'd get them all bit by spiders so they get random spider related powers One of them's gonna have like legs growing out of her back. I guess I thought that was meant to be like the mechanical kind of like in spider-man too Like the iron spider. I don't know. I don't know. Well, I don't know what I'm gonna get electric beam webs Well, yeah, psionic webs. That's uh, yeah, I don't know how that's gonna materialize, but all right I know one of them is just gonna have new web shooters What a film Yes, and that's the end Like I said, I feel I have made my argument for why this is fun to watch. It's funny. It's a funny movie. I have Looking back on it and talking about it again. It has gone up in my estimation as a so bad. It's good kind of movie It's so funny. It's hilarious. Yeah, there really is a sort of There really is There's just Don't stop There's just it. I mean look at it. No, I won't I will not look at it This is madness. They put that on her face It looks so awful It looks so Wait, is she there in spirit? Is that what that is? I think that's what it is. Yeah You That that's shot like at the end of it I'm pretty sure that's reused the shot where they were looking at uh, what's his name falling out the uh, yeah I think you're right and then Background because I guess they didn't shoot anything. Well, so Gary said he thinks that this was added way later to try it like You know bait the edges. Yeah I I believe I can believe that totally so fucking cringe But it's I mean it's so funny because there is no future here The best I could imagine The best would be that they would pick one of them to do like make a spider woman movie about If they were up for it, which why would they be? You know, that's that to me seems like the best that they could hope for in terms of continuing this But why even bother? It's a meme. Just give up Move on try something else Ha I don't even I do this. It's just such a funny movie It's very it's very Totality is funny it is Everything about it, you know, like like we started off with all of the market It took us an hour to get to the movie because the marketing In the interviews and the posters and the fucking ocean spray cranberry juice Was so weird Oh, wait, what what was the the art the the thing that we were meant to look at right the meme? Oh, yeah, the bail in things. I did it out. Oh my gosh. I'm so excited We got to see it Wow, because I haven't looked I wanted to save myself until I'm ready Dude This movie makes me laugh like in its very being just even the word out of web Saying them is funny. I think the picture of her with that that big red visor on her face Oh, that must be really like That's in terms of just showing up on set putting all of this on and like all right action That's wild Like that's the best you came up with that looks awful 80 million dollars Which I feel it's so funny That is dramatically less than a marvel movie typically costs, but it's still a lot of money to spend on a film And this doesn't feel Um, like it costs 80 million dollars. Yeah, this doesn't feel like an 80 million It's an hour longer and cost 20 million dollars more than this and how it was like It had a bigger cast a better cast it was a very very immersive 1930 like 20 30s 40s period movie, right? That was an hour longer. You're right. Had a much better soundtrack um, oh, yeah amazing cast multiple many locations um All these sets and this is just let's just we are like how much did it cost to just go shoot in a forest How much does it cost to just go to a diner and book it out and then shoot a few scenes there? Yeah It's just a diner. It's just a random warehouse. It's just a it's just a bed or an apartment To a roof at night to just shoot though. It probably was green screen That's the thing as well. And that's all extra work. You can't just you can't just bring cameras You can't just work overnight like none of that They want to ask the great responsibility one Wait, wait, wait, wait, like that's I guess there's a new one here off the press Incoming that's the thing by the way Also, like the memes in the discord the efat memes they have been really good today a lot of A lot of the themes of they're always good They are always good, but some days they're always gooder than others Is uh, I want to see these memes. Yeah. What do you mean? I'm gonna go one I'm not a meme master as far as I'm saying rags if you want to post any from the discord you're welcome to I do I I have uh, I've I've posted a fair amount of them. I've put them up. I've been going Oh, well, we've seen those already then. Yeah, like the one with Kylo bed Yeah, well that was the Main one from uh from beowen, but there are indeed more I'm sad now. I'm really excited. I want to this one Is uh is representative of something that people have been pointing out which is the I guess jay has finally been vindicated Jay has been vindicated by this can indeed see the future and madam web is proof But um, I will say this is not something the madam web came up with Now something that efat came up with so Yeah, they should they owe us money. I think we're a few royalties. Yes I think We are owed we're owed like a percent of the profits of this movie Yeah, the profits that I'm sure will materializing if all of you need to go out and get tickets for madam web So that maybe a little bit of that will trickle back down to efat Which is funny to think about that we're telling people to buy tickets instead of them just giving that money to us Don't like I said don't spend any money on this movie. No, no, it's shit. This movie's Memes aside, this movie is shit. This movie is terrible. Yes Funny very funny to the point where I did defend it as a um Uh, so bad. It's good. I do believe it qualifies Yeah, I think so too. I think I've come around on it originally I wasn't thinking so maybe but now I think I do. Yeah, I think I've changed my mind on it It's no wish upon but then again, what is I think it's no batman and robin But it's no, no But whoever I watch it with I would just be very excited to see them see and punch the the firework into the helicopter Such a great moment, but I think oh If I would be making some kind of parody film, I would probably have that in there Just as a reference for the great madam web Why wouldn't I get some good ones? Oh We used to get a lot of movie posters You know, we haven't had a movie haven't had a meme for a while. We got a Ocean right we do we got so much to catch up on we got so I know Fucking halo shows of each of us Face with a hand up. There's been a number of memes about it. There was a um, let's see. Let me go grab it I mean the ocean spray is still to me some of the toppest of tear of fun It's almost like the people who were in charge of the box. They wanted it to fail They were just like this is a big experiment which way for people to notice It's like seeing uh kylo ren on a bag of salad, you know, I think they have those like baby yoda on the cabbage. Yeah Because why not? this clearly Ha It's just someone made that Then they were right to Such a bad image like it's the right kind of bad. I'm very happy that it exists Oh Well, hey, we're uh, we're closing in on girls. Oh my god, wait, I think he actually put out tweets He actually put out tweets saying it was awful, right? Oh, oh shit. No, that was echo. I don't know. Maybe he approves of madame web I don't know. No, I think he said madame web was shit. Damn But what is that? Isn't it crazy how you could look at echo and be like, yeah echo is really good And when it's sony they actually get like looked at accurately for like how bad they are They come around eventually It might take a while might take years It's kind of sad. I would like to see madame web interact with madame Yeah, that'd be really funny. Yeah, they're not gonna do it. No way And then craven shows up too all of them together They like they have a meeting with dakota johnson. She's like i'll never be a part of this ever again Like no, but do you want to look? I know it's not art, but do you appreciate Yeah, like do you do you understand the memes like do you understand? She's like, no, you're like, okay. Well, we could just we'll pay you. We will you need to But um, yeah, that that does take us to the end I'm so sorry. There is a brand adventure. The web can only take you so far You know, we've learned a lot today. We've understood The drastic fate to be here. We were fated to be here the web the spiders The spiders brought us here. I feel like there's just so much you can learn from this film that we've covered That uh, that I think everyone's gonna take with them now wherever they may go Oh my god, it's the frame. It's really good Peter's in there This will be created in three to promote the efat movie, of course This is moments before destruction rags. He's about to crash into the tree in front of joe swanson's house. Oh, no But uh, yeah, well, you know what uh before we start to wind you down jay long bone What have you been up to lately? Where can people find what you what you're doing? Oh, well, you know my link to my channel jay long bone description. So check that out, but I'm not gonna say exactly what I'm coming out with yet. I got One video I'm gonna come out with soon probably next week And I just got done filming a review that I've been promising for years Uh, so, you know, that's gonna be out soon ish Uh, that's about it Well, it's worth mentioning to everybody that the uh the porn films that me and rags washed with you are out now, right? the edits of those Uh, well, yeah, one of them is out the one well, we still all right. We still have to watch the third one Of course, we have to yeah, I mean we have to yeah It it's it's this is where the the web is Fading us that we have to watch another porn film with you Oh, yeah, there's webbing. All right See people like what porn film I was only joking they're very they're intense sort of dramas that are very romantic and uh, I I just did this some booby in there. That's all that's all I mean rags have plenty of commentary to provide as to the nature of the writing We're very much invested in the stories and but they take care of the characters. Oh, yeah Sure, I don't remember a single character's name, but that doesn't mean anything I didn't remember the character's names in madame web really and look how incredible that was so You know, it's uh, well Yeah, the 365 days sequel reaction with These two fellows on my right. I don't know whatever whatever angle you're looking at this in like maulin rags That's out on my channel now And it's out on twitter the uncensored version Because yeah, youtube's powerfully uncool. So Well, it's really it's really good. They really are um, I uh, they really are good Watch the uh, watch it and I had a lot of good a lot of good time a lot of good time Easy recommendation, especially if you like the the combo that was present in the old Gotham high reading which you know What a what an adventure that was too The full version of that is out. You guys can all check it out if you didn't know already And you'll see uh A long boom nice and present in plenty of efep movies to come of which there are close to like a hundred that need to be released now Oh, yeah but uh All good fun friggy rags anything you guys wanted to say Oh No, no, I don't have anything to say after all this I think uh, I think we've said what needs to be said I mean, it's it was mentioned last week, but efep tv halo. That's what I am presently working on making good progress and That's that's an adventure you can look forward to To know and otherwise otherwise just working in general Yeah, uh all your work on the good ol efep tv loki's have been coming out every wednesday Those are yay guys. They're coming out. So we're up to episode two with the brad episode. Yeah, they've had the brad episode Yeah, plenty more memes inbound You'll fully understand the enigma that is uh, loki with guest jedi brooks So um, enjoy that too and uh lord of the rings all three of them separate have been up for two weeks now with any Without any youtube pressure on it. So those will be coming out probably next week I'd imagine uh, not exactly what sure what days, but you're gonna get swamped with lord of the rings stuff Some of you may have seen already You know if you can help us out give it a little watch if you liked it Uh, because the other one is going to be going uh unlisted the trilogy as a whole because youtube will just not allow Like them being released separately. You're allowed to do if I put them all into one video It hits it with copyright the attacks things that aren't even like two seconds I don't know what's going on, but I have given up. I can't deal with it As in I can't actually deal with it. There's nothing I can do that'll Uh make youtube stop. So I had to split them into individual films So those will be released as I said last week the the sort of output numbers will be changed accordingly and then I'm currently rendering them all but there is 20. I want to say 26. There may be more or less than that Uh videos that are all broken up into the topics and those will be released once per week on a friday Which means you'll get a smaller lord of the rings video every week for 26 weeks or would like that It'll be weird plus obviously stargift plus obviously efat plus obviously Loki slash halo and those are coming out and then anything else that happens to pop up. So You know like the war rock Um, you get them once per month So the next one for that is going to be here in like two weeks. Maybe a bit more than that Oh, you know And then of course if you're keeping track of me on other stuff like open bar the catch-ups for that and real bbc You're pretty much getting A lot of stuff every day and isn't that wonderful Oh, yes, and I will get back to streaming moroccan city I'm going to try and do one per week of those because I got I got a lot of stuff to do um Those are the updates Anything else for anybody else before we sign off I think that about covers it Yep Very well Good night, everybody. Thank you so much for watching Oh, yeah, and catch-ups will be coming out as well as we will do a catch-up for this episode too Thank you very much for the kind messages kind donations fun company Hope you enjoyed this breakdown of one of the greatest films of 2024 We hope to see it win an oscar or maybe a razi, but we'll see you folks. Bye. Bye See you everybody