 Coffee, check. Hello there, my beautiful, lovely internet friends. Welcome back to my channel. So I've been sitting here for about an hour so far, trying to start telling you the story of the past seven days. And I realize that I am not yet in a place to be able to articulate that. And I'm gonna respect my brain and my body's needs and wait until I have words. But what I am gonna tell you is that I experienced something during the past week that was trauma. And what I wanted to do today is share in the immediate aftermath, as I am still very actively processing what happened, what some of the signs that I indeed did experience trauma were for me, and also a very, very simple three step guide on how to take care of yourself when you have experienced something traumatic. So I've been in and out of the ER and the hospital. I had a very bad kidney infection that was about to turn very bad, but thankfully they caught it in time. That in itself was a frightening experience for a variety of reasons, but honestly, the things that happened after that in the aftermath, what I experienced in the medical community and how I was treated was not okay. Here's the thing, I've been in and out of ERs and hospitals and surgeries and chronic pain and chronic illness and doctor's appointments in the Mayo Clinic for the past two decades. Like having to go to the ER, not a new thing, I'm kind of a pro at it. Having very poor experiences with the medical community, also nothing new. So when I was home and recovering from everything that occurred, it was very confusing to me how I was feeling because I couldn't focus on anything, couldn't put words together as much as I tried. Usually when I experience something good, bad, whatever, I'm a big fan of putting things into words and journaling it and writing it down for other people and sharing stories and using your voice for change. And as much as I tried to put into words when it occurred, I couldn't do it, which is very weird for me because that's kind of my job. There was nothing there. I felt like I was being strangled as I tried to put into words this story of what occurred. Then I realized I wasn't sleeping and it was beyond just being like in pain and uncomfortable. I just, I was not sleeping. My body would not shut off. I was like staring at the wall for hours at a time. Much more than recovering from an infection because things were under control, my body felt like it weighed a million pounds. Like I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything. I had no less than no motivation to do anything. Like even to turn over and like press play on a remote, right? Like that seemed like too much. And I could not stop thinking about what had happened in a very intrusive way, not like in a pondering the logistics and oh, that wasn't cool or whatever, but like just replaying this one moment in particular over and over and over and over. I was not functioning and didn't have an idea of how to begin to function or any motivation to really do so. And I know enough about myself, right? I've gone through a lot of therapy to know when I am entering, I am very much not okay and probably need to reach out for help waters. And I was like, aha, I believe this to be one of those moments. And my husband really encouraged me to reach out to my therapist. I was able to speak with her and went over the details of what occurred and expressed frustration that I wasn't able to talk about it or put into words what I was feeling. Like I knew I wasn't okay, but I also had absolutely no vocabulary to be able to articulate that. Hi friends, it's Heating Pad Joe. My camera messed up the next minute of what I was supposed to be talking about so we get next day, Joe. And yes, I am still wearing the exact same clothes. So after I went through the overarching story of what had occurred with my therapist, she asked me if I actually knew what the definition of trauma is. And as someone who has talked about trauma on a channel called Trauma Talk for almost four years, my immediate response was, of course I do. But then come to think of it, I was like, I don't think I've ever stopped to really consider what the specific parameters and details are. So we went over that, come to quickly realize things that occurred over the past week absolutely fit into that definition and my reaction to what had occurred was very typical for experiencing trauma. Important note here, experiencing trauma does not mean that you're gonna develop PTSD, which is post-traumatic stress disorder. I think sometimes we link those two in our minds. A lot of people experience trauma, it's difficult to get through, but do not develop PTSD. All right, I think that's it. Let's go back to Joe from yesterday. So because I personally am not an expert, I am going to link some resources down below on really what trauma is and how we define that, how we figure that out and what that means. But once I realized I was in the immediate aftermath of trauma, I've never had the awareness or the knowledge to know in previous traumas that is what was going on. I was just in survival mode, which is entirely valid and is how our bodies respond to trauma in many situations. I was like, okay, I have a word for this thing, but even having spoken about this topic for years, I am not new to this subject. I realized I had no idea how to deal with that in like the immediate aftermath. I'm well-versed in like processing things months or weeks or years after the fact, but when your brain is still trying to find a place to file all of this experience, when you can't put things into words just yet to begin to process them, what the heck are you supposed to do? And some very wise advice was given to me that I shall not pass on to you. Let me know if it resonates with you. I was told to treat myself like a plant. Water, food, maybe a little bit of sunlight. And that kind of makes me giggle because I think it's a cute analogy, but I also think it's an accurate one. When we go through something traumatic, our brains and our bodies are functioning differently than normal. This is a known biological, psychological fact. You are not processing information and your life the same way you normally are. So it's very important to pay attention to your basic needs. I realized I was not eating. I was drinking water because I had a kidney infection. It's kind of important to drink water for your kidneys. And I had not seen sunlight in days and so I started focusing on doing those things. With the experiences with trauma that I've had in my life, I know enough to know that I will be okay. I'll get to a place where I can talk about this, where I can process it, where I'm able to organize everything appropriately in my brains that I don't just feel frozen and awful. I am grateful that I have a support system in place as I kind of work through this between calling friends and reaching out to a therapist. Those are both things I would highly recommend if you don't already have that in place, to have a professional that you can reach out to, if you are able to, to know crisis lines if you get to a scary place. If there are people in your life who could be safe to talk to, to have those conversations. And with that being said, my darling friends, my body is letting me know it is time to lay down again because I am still recovering from not just the kidney infection, but there was additional medical stuff that occurred this week. So I'm gonna turn off the camera, lay down, drink some water, eat eventually, maybe get some sunlight, treat myself like a plant. And I'll be back soon. Thank you for listening. If you are watching this because you believe you have experienced some kind of trauma and you don't know what to do in the immediate aftermath, you're not alone, you're not weird, you're not broken for feeling the way that you're feeling. Trauma's not just like an icky experience. It is something that has a biological, physical, psychological effect on us. And if you're confused by your reactions, that is 100% understandable, but please know, you're not always gonna feel like this. Remember to eat some food, drink some water, get some sunlight, reach out when you need it, and you can take this step by step as I will be doing as well. Thank you so much to my lovely patrons over on Patreon for supporting what I do here, especially when I have to take an unexpected week off. Your support is genuinely so kind and generous and helpful, so thank you. And to you watching this video right now, thank you so much for spending a few minutes out of your day here with me. You could be anywhere else in the world doing anything else and you chose to hang out with me and listen to me talk for a few minutes, and that is an honor, so thank you. I love you guys, I'm thinking about you, and I will see you in the next video. Bye guys.