 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan assay of Jonathan assay.com And I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic the Uncommon reason what's uncommon reason why men ghost or disappear and it's not you. It's not you All right, let's talk about that really quickly if you're new to my YouTube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new content And if you like this video, please hit that like button so more people can get to see it All right, we're gonna talk about the uncommon reason Uncommon reason why men ghost or disappear and it has nothing to do with you So I want to just kind of paint a picture for a second and that is the vast majority of people who are meeting Are dating these days are meeting total strangers meeting total strangers in other words It's rare these days that we are actually going out with someone who's in our social circle That we've known for a while where we built some rapport and trust maybe even some friendship And then go out on a date because the vast majority of the population are meeting people through our Devices through our the internet the vast majority. I want to say probably I'm gonna guess these days up to 80% of all new dates are happening through an online connection now That's anecdotal on my part, but I'm gonna bet that that's Maybe even a low number it could be 90 to 95% so I want you to think about this You're meeting a total stranger now We all love the idea where a guy is totally smitten by you on the first date I know I've been that kind of guy where I've been smitten by a woman now I want to differentiate smitten versus lusting I've had plenty of Experiences where I've gone on a date with someone throughout my last 15 years after my divorce where I thought I was totally into I'm what was oftentimes happening was lust was driving the bus lust was driving the bus The bus okay, and to me in the beginning. I thought this was legitimate. I was totally into her I was totally smitten and then once we consummated the sexual aspect of the relationship all of a sudden that lust was gone Because that conquest that you know men are hunters and we chase sex, so let's get real We're not running around chasing. I want to be in a relationship. I want to be in a relationship We're oftentimes if we're chasing we're chasing sex. Okay, so that's the last piece Now there have been other women that I've gone out with where I felt a real I was smitten by them Now in many of those cases these were women that I put up on a pedestal I put up on a pedestal because I wasn't feeling good about myself I wasn't feeling good about myself and when I did that it might have we might have entered into a Relationship or I might have showed up too needy. That's another possibility, but it didn't go anywhere Okay, so the reason why I'm differentiating this is because I know many of you and most you've liked the idea that a guy is Gonna put you up on a pedestal. He's gonna be smitten He's not driven by sex that he wants a serious relationship with you and Let's think about this for a second. You're a total stranger to him and he's a total stranger to you So how much time does it take to really build trust with a total stranger? Minutes hours weeks months years At a minimum it takes a hundred hours of face-to-face time not Digital time not time with our thumbs where most people are spending all their time in relationship with their thumbs or their Fingers where they're typing or maybe the telephone or maybe FaceTime. Oh my phone turned on and So that's not real connection real connection is when we have face-to-face time and the reason why we ghost or Disappear and I said the uncommon reason that has nothing to do with you is is an in essence you're a stranger to them and Because you're a stranger and because the amount of time it takes to really build trust Many people aren't capable of going to deeper intimacy and deeper trust because they're lacking something inside of them They're lacking something inside of them and most likely they're lacking real What does that word say self-love? If you're brand new to my videos and this is your first time This is my book called what the heck is self-love anyway. There's a link below in the description to my book I highly recommend reading this both for yourself and any man you're dating because Most the time when someone hasn't shored up their own self-love self-worth self-confidence self-esteem It makes it very difficult for them to get to know another human being and the minute they get triggered Bam, they're gone. They ghost What does ghost look like ah? They ghost That'll be the ghost side Well, I'm sharing this with you or they disappear is because they've been triggered by something in their own life They've been triggered by something in their own life. This is why I'm highly recommend Everybody reading this book called if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated this is dating from a spiritual perspective from a perspective of a a Passionate way of dating for yourself and for everyone else because the minute we judge someone's behavior as being bad We're putting ourselves up on a pedestal and while we all should have strong self-esteem and self-confidence. Ooh, check that out It's also important to be loving and compassionate to humanity and that's what I'm here to stress And I'm hope that's thinking in because this true reason why most the time Ships don't work out is not because men aren't chivalrous and men are you know here to claim you It's because it takes time to develop the roots to trust That's one of the reasons why when I created my private coaching program I have a program called shortcut to mr. Right It teaches women how to develop those roots and how to find those men who are going to develop those roots of trust And if you need some support on that check out the link to a free discovery call with me All right, I think this is resonating with you is this syncing in if you have a question Please post it below if you have a comment on this. I want to hear about it. This is really important stuff So please post a comment. Let's get a conversation going All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug himself love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a teddy bear Just like this teddy bear and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now