 Welcome to the 21th Convention of Miami, and today we have an amazing speaker. We have Andrew from The Private Man. We're going to take a journey a little bit down the red hill, but we're going to look at how and why male and female attraction happens to the evolutionary biology. All right, let's bring it on up. Thank you very much. Did you see it? You too. Yep. Hello, hello. Thank you. Thank you. Now, one of the things I do before I start, I want to make sure I can see everybody, which is a bit of a stretch for me. I have to look twice as hard. So I also expect some folks to get involved. If you've got something to say, even during the presentation, go ahead and say it. I have absolutely no problem with that. There will be about a 15-minute period towards the end where I'll be answering questions, any kind of questions related to either evolution or psychology, or even personal questions. I will talk about the eye patch. I have no problem with that. But in the meantime, and I'll get my background in a minute, I can't even see it. There we go. Male-female attraction, the why of how. And I'll talk about it in about a couple of seconds of how I got into this. And it's called the red pill presentation for a reason. And first of all, anybody know about the concept of the red pill? There's something you know about it. Who does not know anything about the red pill? We got somebody over there. Okay. Oh, by the way, I'm Andrew, the private man. That's my internet sort of nickname, so to speak. A lot of people in this business use different names, like somebody like The Mystery from Days Gone By. I'm the private man. And I'll talk a little bit about my blog in a minute. So the red pill is from the movie The Matrix, the 1999 movie, The Matrix. There's that amazing scene where Morpheus gives Neo the opportunity to take the blue pill or the red pill. And if he takes the blue pill, he goes happily back into The Matrix, lives his life as if nothing has happened. He takes the red pill and he goes down the rabbit hole. Well, the red pill is in effect sort of an intellectual rabbit hole. And the way I describe the red pill is is versus should. So growing up as men, we've been told a lot of things. We say this is how life should be. We hear that all the time. We talk to our friends. We talk to our, especially our female friends. And they have a view of the world that is based on something, I don't know, it's not realistic. The red pill is about what really is. The reality on the ground. And all the speakers here talk about that kind of thing. They talk about how men must deal with the reality of life. The reality of human behavior. The reality of social interactions. That's what the red pill prove what she is. And you'll see it all over the internet by the way. And now it's making its way into the mainstream media. So you'll be reading about the red pill. You also might read about the manosphere. Are you guys familiar with the manosphere? Look alive. Are you familiar with the manosphere? Yes. Thank you very much. It's a nice, heaven-involved audience. Okay, I am part of the manosphere. In fact, I was one of the ones who got the sort of the concept going. And that's just a loose collection of blogs, websites, bulletin boards, forums, etc. Where men talk about men's issues. So we'll be talking about the red pill a little bit more. But again, this is what is, I'll be talking about evolutionary psychology. Which is a great way of looking at human behavior, especially between men and women. Especially regarding issues of attraction, dating, courtship, relationships. So evolutionary psychology covers a lot of subjects. I'm just talking about attraction. Nothing more. I'm not anything like a lot of the guys here are quite interested in that subject. All right. So again, I've got eyesight issues. So bear with me. One way. Oh, there we go. Okay, who am I? Well, I'm Andrew. Okay. I'm a writer basically by trade. For years and years I was a freelance journalist, I was an employee journalist. I've worked on major newspapers, dailies, done a lot of freelance writing for magazines. You won't find it on the internet because this is all pre-internet. And yes, boys and girls, there was life before the internet. Dr. Socrates. I've also done a lot of other things. I've been a magazine editor for an adult magazine. That was a very interesting year of my life. It's not on my resume. I've done a lot of different jobs. Everything from being a rough neck and an oil rig, to working in a mental hospital. And right now I'm just an ordinary technical writer. Work nine to five. If I said anything more about my job, you'd all be asleep. That's my day-to-day stuff. I'm a blogger. And that's how Anthony found me as a matter of fact. That's how the 21 convention found me, is because I'm local of Florida, I have done some videos in the past. And I've done a fair number of speaking presentations like this as well. And my blog is The Private Man. You can just Google that. In fact, if somebody wants to do it right now, I should be number one on the search engines. So if you just Google The Private Man, you'll find my blog. And I've been blogging for about six years now. I haven't updated in quite a while, but I've got 600 blog posts. And normally what I blog about is I blog about attraction and dating for post-divorive single men. Because there's not a lot of information about that. Hang on, I have to adjust my iPad. Looks good, doesn't it? Yeah. Are you familiar with the term peacocking? Yeah. No, no, seriously. I could get an implant. I could look like every other person out there. I choose not to. I'm not going to wear a fuzzy hat like mystery, but this actually is an attention-getter. And by the way, nobody messes with a guy with an eyepatch. Nobody. They have no idea how it happened. It's like night fight. No, it wasn't out of the night fight. I'm involved in the manosphere and red pill. In fact, I used to own the URLs, manosphere.net, manosphere.org. A buddy of mine owned manosphere.com. Unfortunately, he passed away last year. I have a degree. Yes, I do. I went to college in cultural geography. I know. You don't know what that is. Don't worry about it. Just don't tell me to get lost. I'm 54. I'm the oldest person here. And with that in mind, get off my lawn. Sorry, I had to say it. Twice divorced. Didn't get it right the first time. Didn't get it right the second time. Not going for the hat trick. I discovered PUA back in 2007, kind of old school stuff. I knew my second marital administration was coming to an end. I knew I was going to get back into dating. I didn't want to go unarmed. I wanted to know what was going on. Throw just random stuff on the internet. I discovered a guy named Roosh. And he's quite the character. And he had a blog, Roosh V. I started reading that. And then he had some blog links and some cross links. And that brought me to other blogs. It brought me to PUA. And probably like you, I started reading this stuff. I thought it was horseshit. I rejected it soundly. Because I was raised, and you can read it in my blog, I was raised with the two worst pieces of advice that a mother can give a young man regarding being more attractive to girls. Four words that ruined my life. Be nice. And what did the next do? Be yourself. OK. I got that advice when I was like 15 or 16 years old. When I was 18 years old, and still without a girlfriend, my mother came to me and said, you know, Andrew, it's OK to be gay. True story. Not understanding those two pieces of those four words she gave me put me in that situation. Now, I did get to college. Actually, I took a year off in high school in college, I recommend a lot of young men do. Just get into college first, then wait and take your year off, and then you can go off to college. And one of the reasons I took a year off was to take a guess. Lose my what? Thank you. I didn't want to go to freshman year in college without having any kind of serious sexual experience. So I took a year off. I did a lot of crazy shit, lived in Australia, worked in a mental hospital, took a long motorcycle trip. Oh, and I got laid. So I discovered PUA, and I wanted to learn about the basics of attraction. What women really want? What must I do as a man? Not be nice, be yourself. Oh, a friend zone? Mayor? Soon to be president? No, just kidding. Yeah, so I learned all about that stuff. I learned about the friend zone. All this stuff, the same path that you guys probably took. If you guys took a different path, talk to me. After this presentation, I'm very curious. So I started doing a lot of research about PUA. I started doing a lot of research. I signed up for all the marketing messages. Some of the guys are still around. Some of them aren't. Learned all about mystery. Saw that show. What was that show on VH1? Pickup artist, yeah, I caught that. Interesting stuff. So when my marriage ended, my second marriage ended, I got back into dating. And I said, OK, not only am I going to learn about PUA, I'm going to do it. Classic stuff. And much to my surprise, because I'd only done this theoretically, learned about it theoretically, much to my surprise, it kind of worked. I was very shocked, because I'd only been reading field reports that I didn't quite believe. I was reading the theory of PUA. And I put it into practice. And sure enough, it kind of worked. And that was great for my dating life. So I started writing about it. I used to write about my experiences. But my blog got kind of too well known. I had to delete 50 blog posts, because they had really, I talked about specific women, not names, but specific women is in specific experience. And the problem is, they found out. So I had to delete those hangovers. All right. So part about learning about PUA is I wanted to understand, excuse me, I want to understand the science behind it. Why does it work? Yeah, I know what worked. I figured it out. You guys know what works. You're still figuring it out, too. But why? Why is it when a PUA person says, do this, and that there's an attraction response from a woman or a girl? Why is that? So I went down the rabbit hole of why. And that's going to do here. I'm still looking, by the way. I still do a lot of research. I still practice what I preach. When I go out, I run game. And I've internalized it to the point where it's just natural. That took years, by the way. I mean, I don't think it was until about 2012 when I was going on dates. And people ask, how do you find the dates? Online dating, by the way. I did it a lot. It was time consuming, but it worked. So I'm still looking for answers in that regard. And I still have fun dating. OK, you'll have to work. OK, so what I've learned so far in this whole rabbit hole experience, all my study and practice. Attraction behaviors are very predictable. This is one of the core elements that I've learned. And I think you all learned. When it comes to attraction, we are very predictable. Tell that to a girl. She will never talk to you again. Because what do girls want to be? Special snowflakes. We're not special snowflakes. There are common patterns of human behavior. And a lot of the talks during this convention are going to be about that, including somewhat of mine. So that's the first thing. Social expectations and influence is not even 80%. This is another thing, because I was always taught, especially in college, that at birth, we are blank slates. That we bring in no inherited behaviors with us, with the exception of eating and pooping and breathing. So that all human behavior is in effect, and I think you've probably heard this term, social construct. Is that where we bring a bell, that term? Yeah, what that basically means is that everything we do, even as it relates to attraction and mating and dating and relationships, is learned behavior. And I was taught that I believed that fundamentally for most of my adult life, until fairly recently that I discovered evolutionary psychology. So I would argue, and I'll be doing this in a minute, that our inherited behaviors as they relate to attraction are probably closer to 80%. So a lot of what we do regarding women in attraction is inherited. It's in our DNA. OK, how can that be? We'll get to that in a second. OK, another thing I've learned, this is the coolest thing. That's why we're all here. It didn't used to be like this. The men are talking amongst themselves. And this is what the manosphere is all about. This is what this convention is all about, is that we're sharing information. It really didn't used to be like that, because we did have some of it in men's clubs. There used to be a tradition of men getting together and talking. Usually it's for civic engagement or joining the Shriners or whatever. That kind of went away back in the 70s and the 80s and the 90s, where these kinds of clubs had to be much more inclusive. Basically, we got to let the women in. Well, so what did the men do? Well, they went to the internet. And for instance, there's the red pill subreddit. I don't know if you're familiar with that. It's got 170,000 subscribers. That's a big subreddit. And I was there from the very beginning when it was like 200. And it's been growing ever since. It'll probably top out of a quarter million or more. So the men are talking. We're sharing amongst ourselves. And we're talking about subjects that make women uncomfortable. When I talk about my blog and talk about this stuff to the women that I know, I've lost female friends over this. They don't want to hear that they're not special snowflakes. They don't want to hear that they're predictable when it comes to this stuff. I had a very good female friend. And I talked to her about the alpha widow concept. And she looked at me and said, that's interesting. And then I got an email from her two days later. I don't want to be your friend anymore. Well, it turns out that she was an alpha widow. And she said, I hate being so predictable. But we are. I think it's kind of cool. I think it's really cool that we can figure out our behavior, especially when it comes to attraction. And some people ain't money off of it. I don't. I'm not selling anything, by the way. There's no book. There's no counseling services, no nothing. However, I will take free beer after this evening. So just keep that in mind. OK, so anyway, now we're going to get to, oh, another thing that's very important. Biggest thing I learned in this whole journey. Actions over words. I know it sounds really simplistic, but it's absolutely true. I see it all the time now. It's like the blinders have been pulled off my eye. Get it? The blinders have been pulled off my eye. So now I can look at people and I can say, oh, just words. Back in the day when I was a younger fella yesterday, I believed that what people said is what they should do. There's that should word, by the way. I don't care what people say. I watch what they do, especially women, especially when it comes to attraction and dating. And I've learned so many things, very important. OK, so I finally get down to evolutionary psychology. And after all that lengthy introduction, now he did some interesting things here. Any questions so far? Compliments? I'll take a compliment. No, fair enough. OK, evolutionary psychology. Read that. Behavioral traits. Behavior. Keep going. OK, I'm going to read it out loud because of the microphone just to make sure. A study that seeks to identify human psychological and behavioral traits which are evolved adaptations. Very important that. That is the functional products of natural selection or sexual selection in human evolution. And of course, at the bottom, too long didn't read. Applying evolutionary theory to the mind. It's all there is to it. It's all there is to it. Nothing more. And a lot of speakers have been talking about this in the past. They allude to it. So I'm going to kind of drill down a little bit. OK, if there's anything you should take away from my presentation, it is this graphic. This shows human social history in a nutshell. We started roughly 350,000 years ago. There is some dispute about that. Some people say it's 500,000 years. Some people say it's 200,000 years. Long freaking time. We were hunters and gatherers. Simple as that. It's all we had to do. Eat, drink, and reproduce. By the way, as homo sapiens, what is our number one job? Reproduce. Make more human beings. That's what we're put on the planet for. None of this to find love, to seek mystical secrets. No, our job is to have sex and make babies. In fact, all of life on this planet, its primary job, is to reproduce. Simple as that. OK, so for 350,000 years we're hunters and gatherers. We're running around the jungle. We're running around the savanna. We're in the forests of Europe as small bands, tribes, subsisting, following herds, going from place to place. Typically, the men hunted, women gathered. Went on for 350,000 years, so it's still going on, by the way, to a certain extent. Now, that's roughly 20,000 generations. Not to mention the behaviors we've inherited from our primary ancestors. So basically, we've had a long time for certain behaviors to evolve and be selected for in terms of reproduction. Evolution is basically a small mutation is entered into the species by the process of just random stuff, and that biological new trait might be good for the species in general. What about behaviors? What if somebody is preselected or has a better communication skills when we'll talk about language in a second? Well, that's good for the tribe. That's good for reproduction. So that behavior is then going to be reinforced downstream. That's kind of what evolutionary psychology is all about. OK, by the way, these ratios are way off in the graphic. Agricultural? 10,000 years. I mean, it wouldn't even show up on the bar there, but I had to do it so you can all see it. We're at agriculture is new to us. It's kind of brand new in the great scheme of things, OK? Next major social revolution after agriculture. Agriculture was astounding, by the way. Fun times. You don't have to go chasing down some gazelle. You hang out by the river and you plant stuff, OK? It's been theorized that the women created agriculture, by the way. Next one, industrial. Brand new, only 250 years. That's it. And the reason I bring this stuff up is we're talking about social expectations. Finally, for 179 years, we have the information social revolution. And why 179 years? First, electronic means of communication? Telegraph. That was the big one. That made instant communication possible. So it's not just the internet. It's not just the phone. It's not broadcast, radio, or television. Goes back to the telegraph. And that's why I have it at 179 years. Oh, a note. If you're interested in history like I am, never mind what they teach you in college. Try to study social history. Because social history is how cultures change over time. It's how cultures adapt. It's how social expectations change over time. This is a very important form of history. Most history in Utah and college, it's sort of like politics, economics, business, world leaders, whatever. Well, yeah, that's interesting if you're into that. It's great for trivial pursuit. But why is it that a person like Winston Churchill could come to being? What happened in that part of his social history? What was going on in England at the time? Why is it, what is about our election right now? What is in our social history that leads to this very peculiar presidential race, which you think, God, that's going to be over in less than a month. Fuck. I'm sick of it. My Twitter feed is full of that crap. Anyway, so if you want to get into study social history, it really is interesting. It really does help get you a much better understanding of how our culture works. OK. All right, so now let's talk about some baseline behaviors of pretty much all life. And then we can sort of build on those. And we are going to have a bit of an exercise here. No, I'm not going to give you a quiz. But we will have an exercise. We can be talking about PUA stuff and how it relates directly to evolutionary psychology. OK, baseline behaviors, survival and reproduction. You guys ever heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs? Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to go technical and stuff. But basically, at the very bottom of the thing, it's living. It's eating. It's being protected. It's not getting eaten by a saber-toothed tiger. It's surviving. OK, that's at the very bottom. And back when they were under gathers, that was a big deal. I mean, things were tough back then. You could get eaten by a saber-toothed tiger. Females seek the best DNA. Yeah, we'll talk more about that in a couple of seconds. But this is one of the axioms of PUA. Is it women are looking for the best DNA? But they're also looking for something else. So in the future, shall I look into that? Lacking. Ever heard this word? You would stop. No, you would know everything. L-E-K-K-I-N-G. Lacking. This is a technical term. I swear to God, you could Google it. Wikipedia. It's where the male of the species shows off in a way to attract attention from the female of the species. It's like when birds do those little dances. Ever seen that? Yeah, just shake your hands and say, yeah, you see. They do the dance. And all these women walk by, all the females of the species walk by. It's like, well, I don't know, is feathers is off or that? I'm not just on the move, whatever. The example that we use right now, I did it earlier, peacocking. Think about this. When a peacock, the male peacock spreads that amazing fan of tail feathers, he's lacking. So all this to it, us guys, us Homo sapien men do the same thing. We actually put on a little show in some way, shape, or form. It could be through how we dress. It could be through how we act. But in effect, we are making a display. We are lacking. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Hypergamy, for this term, I'm sure. Common thing, basics of hypergamy. Women want a man of equal or higher, whatever. It's a very important concept. I recommend strongly that you come to the next year's convention in Orlando, because there's a guy called Ralo Tamasi. And he's going to be talking about that. He's the hypergamy expert. And I think we've all experienced hypergamy in some way, shape, or form. So that's a baseline behavior of human women. Social hierarchy, we are a social species. And with that in mind, we automatically form hierarchies. We're not like schools of fish that swim around kind of at random. If you take any tribe, there is going to be a leader. If you have a business group, or if you're a wage ape like myself and have to do with committees and conferences and meetings, there's always going to be somebody who is a leader. We naturally form hierarchies. Now as men, the hierarchy is very, very straightforward. And I remember being a kid at six years old. Who can beat up who? That was all there was to it. Now we're older, it's a little bit more sophisticated. Who has more money? Who has the fancy car? Whatever. But men form hierarchies. That's one of the reasons we're really good at creating military structures, because that is a definite hierarchy. So because we're social animals, we do form a hierarchy. And because we are social, we also need social skills. We'll get to that right now. We're hunter-gatherers for about 350,000 years. What kinds of behaviors evolved? Now some of these might have gotten picked up from previous species. But communication skills. We are incredibly good at communicating. We have something that no other species has. Language. Plus we have our body language, our spoken language. We have writing. So we are incredibly sophisticated communicators. With that, we have to have social skills. And this is where a lot of guys get kind of, I work in software development off and on for about 20 years as a technical writer. I've worked with engineers a lot. In the beginning, I hated engineers. I know a lot of you out there right now. Forgive me. I've come to, I've made my peace with engineers. But I know a lot of engineers and I know a lot of guys. And for whatever reason, social skills does not come naturally. We talk about introverts. We talk about extroverts. What have you. But for some folks, social skills don't come naturally. Unfortunately, they're mandatory. If you didn't have sufficient social skills as a hunter-gatherer and you were a loner, you're not going to survive. Well, some of that has echoed through the ages through the last 350, 400,000 years. So social skills are still very, very important because we are a social species. And I would argue that social skills are revolved, especially humans. You ever seen chimpanzees running around? They're social skills kind of basic. They're not real good. You don't see chimpanzees forming their own conventions. But still, they're social to a certain extent. So our social skills have evolved tremendously to the point where we can teach them to each other. You can read about them in a book. Cooperation and coordination. Another one that hunter-gatherers and we're still very, very good at. If you had to survive in basically a hostile world and then advance as a species, you really had to have your shit together. We really had to have cooperation and coordination at a tribal level. Now, I didn't say at a societal level, I'm saying a tribal level. Anybody know the term Dunbar's number? Yeah, of course you're gonna shake it, whatever. I can talk in gibberish and be like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I do improv comedy too. Dunbar's number. Dunbar's number was created by an anthropologist looking at how people relate to each other. And he figured that based on how human beings act in a social context, he figured that there could be no more than about 200 people in a tribe. And it kinda makes sense. More than 200, you're not gonna know who they are. But under 200, it's like, oh yeah, that's odd. He's okay. He's got a clubfoot, but he's good with a spear. All right? Yeah, you can give him some stuff. You can share resources with him because he's a known quantity. Over 200, he gets a little squishy. It's like, who the hell are you? Get away from my protein. So that's Dunbar's number. So we had to cooperate and coordinate on a tribal level, on a small group level, to eat basically. The women had to know where the berries were. They had to know what tubers were edible. The men had to know, you know, they were able to coordinate to chase down a monkey or a gazelle or a giraffe, whatever. And then we had further task specialization. Certain people got good at certain things. You know, one guy may not be good with a spear, but he knows how to make a sharp object, stuff like that. Just as an aside, the dates I keep talking about do change because a big part of evolutionary psychology, of course, is anthropology, which is basically a fancy way of saying we look at people and see what they're up to. There's another word called praxeology, which is to study if human behavior. And then, of course, we have archaeology. And this is the problem. The biggest problem with evolutionary psychology, it cannot be proven empirically. Until we get hold of time machines, we don't know this stuff actually happen. However, by applying sound logic and reason, some of these things make a lot of sense. And archaeologists, they're always looking for tools, basically, our early tools. And that shows to a certain extent how those tribal structures were formed. And we can also look at other current tribes that are still pretty much living in a hunter-gatherer condition today. Not many, but they're still out there. So it is very hard to prove. By the way, evolutionary psychology is also, it's kind of a thought crime. I'm gonna get a little bit ideological here. Social justice warriors, and that whole stuff going on out there in this world, all those very progressive people. They're pretty much all blank slaters, meaning they believe that human behavior is 100% learned. They completely disavow any kind of inherited trait, especially regarding behavior, especially regarding our sexuality. To them, it's all learned. So when you talk about evolutionary psychology, it does get controversial. And the biggest criticism is, prove it. Hard to do empirically, because a lot of this stuff happened 200,000 years ago. So, and that time machine, and isn't there yet. So further task specialization, which by the way paves the way to the agricultural revolution and then the industrial revolution, we got really good at coordinating. And that allowed us to discover, we're a bright species. We figured out that certain plants grow at a certain time. They come from seeds, and you can then bring the seeds with you. They could figure out where things migrate, animal herds, for instance. It's like, well, it was here last year. Oh, it's here this year. Probably be here next year. We should be here next year too. Oh, sharpen up your spears. So, but then again, we get further task specialization paves the way. Okay, now let's get into the how of why, or the why of how. Okay, we have advice. And I've read all the PUA books, gone through all the, gone to some classes, figured it out. And there's some common advice, right? There's common things. I don't care which PUA coach you go to, which dating coach you go to. There's gonna be some similarities in terms of the content. Okay, one of those is confidence. Men are always exhorted to be confident. Always the same thing. Well, confidence from an evolutionary point of view is basically risk-taking. Simple as that. And it doesn't mean throwing yourself off of a bridge tied to a bungee. The most important mark of confidence a man can do is start a conversation with somebody. Simple as that. That's social confidence. That's a thing. That's one of the reasons the PUA people today all the time approach, approach, approach, approach. You know, I'm sure you've heard that a million times. Doesn't make it any easier, mind you, but it's still social confidence. It is risk-taking. So think about, you know, in tribal times, you run across another tribe, you see them on the other side of the valley. It's a huge risk for somebody to walk across the valley to say, hey, what's going on? You might be at war with that tribe. Maybe they don't trust anybody else. So just talking to somebody, a stranger, is risk-taking. Charisma. People talk about charisma all the time, right? The game has learned charisma. I don't think I've ever heard that term, but it makes sense. It is in effect learned charisma. Okay, this is part of the social hierarchy of our psychological evolution. A charismatic person, charismatic man in particular is a compelling man. He's gonna be perceived as a leader in a certain sense. So if you've got good charisma in terms of a, depending on the social context, you will be perceived as somewhere higher up that hierarchy, or somebody who has no charisma. They're kind of off to the side. It's brutally unfair, but it does harken to our evolutionary psychology, how we've evolved over time. Competence, makes sense. Provisions, good with a spear, good cutting up an animal, good gatherer. It's a way of feeding ourselves. And we can talk about provisions in a minute. I don't know if you've heard that term in relation to hypergamy, but it's, what is a woman attracted to? His provisions, well, that's a big part of it. And then of course, leadership. Now, I've used the term dominance, by the way, in the past. The problem with the word dominance is it's too close to the word domineering, which is a very negative thing. So I can say, you know, public to you guys, look, women like a dominant man. You say that out in the world, they're like, you're ass, oh, that's not true, blah, blah, blah, bullshit, women respond to dominance. Great book, a billion wicked thoughts, highly recommended. Because it shows, based on our Google search for pornography, in effect, what men and women want. It's a great book. It's by David Busse, and I forgot the other guy's name. One of the things I'll do is I'll work with Anthony to put up a good reading list. I got a bunch of great books to talk about this kind of stuff. Oh, sidebar. Oh, I got plenty of time. Studies. One of the things that I have done over the years is I've gotten hold of a lot of studies. And I'm sure you've read about it in the news. You know, a study from some university shows that women like men with big thumbs, I don't know. I'm just making shit up at this point. And so you read this in the news and it's like, oh, maybe we should get some prosthetic thumbs. It's very important. When you guys look at a study where somebody tells you, it is extremely important that whatever the academic knowledge that comes from is appropriate. Too much social information, gathered by sociologists and psychologists and other people who's doing social research is based on a survey or a poll. You get a piece of paper in the mail or wherever. It's anonymous. There's a return receipt, you know, return envelope and it says we're conducting a study on the following. And you get to study. And there are a bunch of, it's totally anonymous. You don't have to put your name down, just your age and where you live and your gender, your sex. And so you go through and you fill it out and you send it back. And then they tabulate 2, 3,000, 200,000 of these things and it's like, oh yeah, women like men with big thumbs. But the problem is this. On those studies, even if they're 100% anonymous, we lie. It's very common. So if that study is based on a survey, especially it relates to any kind of intimate behavior, and the classic example is this. You ask a man how many sexual partners he's had in his life. And the popular wisdom is, just divide that by three to get the real number. You ask a woman the same question, how many sexual partners have he had in your life? What a past five year, whatever. She gives a number. Multiply that by three to get the actual number. It's called aspirational lying. I see it in the online dating profiles all the time. Constantly. You know, the guy's like, well, I'm only five foot five but I aspire to be six, two. And his profile, he's now six, two. Happens all the time. Woman perceives herself or she wants to be slender, athletic, with large bosoms. And the next thing you know in our online dating profile, she's slender, athletic, with large bosoms. Wherever you go on the actual date, none of those apply. We lie to ourselves. We lie to ourselves on surveys and anything where you have to volunteer information. The best social information comes from observation. I am the worst eavesdropper on the planet. I go out in public all the time. Back when I had my dog, I'd go, what, my dog? And I'd plop myself in an outdoor cafe or bar where I used to live in Fort Lauderdale. And just listen. My favorite exercise was trying to find people on first dates and sit near them. I mean, it's amazing. Bit of advice. I recommend y'all do this. Listen, become keen observers of human behavior. That took me years to figure out, by the way, but it's awesome advice if you want to learn about human behavior, the reality of human behavior. So, and watch out for studies. Again, take them with a grain of salt. There are some new books coming out, Billy and Wicked Thoughts, which I recommend highly. Another one called Dataclysm by Christian Rudder. That guy's a genius. He was the chief technology officer or the chief science officer at OK Cupid. And they have the raw data. This is human behavior. This is stuff that we think is private, but can be collated and examined. It's a great book. And it says some really, really shocking things about human behavior as it relates to sexuality. Stuff we probably had a hunch, now we have real data. And not just a small amount. That guy assisted through millions upon millions of social interactions via online dating. Can't recommend it enough. Great book. Another book that I've read and actually I've spoken to the author is Date Onomics. Talking about the demographics of dating. Mostly for people in the millennial crowd, but it does also affect other people, other ages as well. So that's a pretty good book. It's well written. It's not full of statistics or anything. Very, very interesting stuff. So that's my sidebar about studies. The best studies are based on actual observation. The worst studies, it's like some grad student gives out a hundred questionnaires to a bunch of college freshmen at Georgia Bible Tech School. Unfortunately the media picks up on that stuff. The next thing you know it's on page three in USA Today. Or it's on Glocker. No, Glocker's gone. Thank God, it's on Buzzfeed. Just ignore that kind of shit. Or try to find out where it came from. Or another one is Advocacy Research. Ever heard this term? Yeah, it's basically an organization has an agenda to push. So they'll hire some researchers to create a study that supports a particular ideology. There's the American Association of University Women. They do studies all the time. And guess what they all say? Women are victims. That's all they say. But it's coming from that organization. So you gotta watch out when you look at social research. And it took me a long time to learn that, by the way. And talk about that stuff, by the way. Okay, so what are other things? Now this is the audience participation part. I'll stand here and look like an idiot until I get some audience participation. Give me an example of what a seduction or dating coach says to men. Oh, come on, people. You've been at this conference for a full day. Yes? Make her panties fall off using this one weird phrase. Oh, you've read my marketing message. No, sorry. One weird way. That's the takeaway on that. Is one weird way. That's a typical thing. Now, from an evolutionary psychology point of view, that's called standing out, right? One weird way. You're doing something that is special. I need to use that term. But it's unusual. In order to be noticed. That is social confidence. Simple as that. That's where that fits in. And again, guys, standing out is a good thing. You don't have to wear a clown suit. In fact, don't, it's dangerous now. But you do. Oh, you got that joke, huh? I hate morning presentations there. It's like five seconds later. But standing out is an act of social, visually standing out as a social confidence. That's why I wear the eyepatch. Absolutely true. I wear the eyepatch to stand out. I have nothing to lose. You know, and sometimes people are like, what are you, a pirate or something? And I'll tell you the story during the question and answers of why I have to wear the eyepatch. Give me another example of what a PUA coach might say. Come on, people. You're killing me. Is that a hand up? I can't see. There we go. Neediness is the number one attraction killer. Yeah, neediness is the attraction killer. That relates to competence, by the way. If you're dependent on somebody, think about it in a hunter-gatherer way. If you're an able-bodied man, it can throw a spear as well as the next guy and you're hanging out with the women scrounging berries. I mean, number one, you're low down on the totem pole. And number two, you're not good for the tribe. Simple as that. And also, there's certain gender or sex-based expectation. A man is supposed to be strong and independent, right? And I've been through this in my relationships and I'm sure you have. You show a degree of emotional weakness and it is, it's an attraction killer. And that related to neediness. That means you're also a piss-poor provider because you're dependent. All right, one more example. Anybody, you gotta raise your head. Caveman, just pick her up and take her home. Hunter-gatherer man, take her home, exactly. I mean, you know, and this is a leadership and confidence kind of thing. You know, and also a leader, and we saw this with Donald Trump. Grab him right in the, hey man, grab him right in the pussy. And what's not known is, where nobody really talks about. It works. It works, he's Donald fucking Trump. Excuse me. He's Donald Trump. You can get away with that. So a leader can get away with that. Somebody who's not needy, who's somebody who can take care of his own. And that's kind of like a caveman thing. You know, that's directly related to hunter-gatherers. We use that analogy all the time. It's in monoculture. A guy's dressed in a skinny, he's got a club. Pranks the woman on the head, drags her off to the cave. Now cavemen were probably much more nomadic. So they probably did not have a cave, but whatever, but that's that kind of stereotype. Well, that's the strong man taking charge. Simple as that. What's the most popular book for women? 50 Shades. 50 Shades. Absolutely. 50 Shades of Grey, the most popular book ever. By the way, which is, I think it even went past the Bible, which is scary. By the way, a billion waking thoughts talks about that concept. So yeah, dominance. All right, so let's move ahead. Okay. This is kind of, oh. Okay, I'm doing well. Ever heard this? Dads and Cads? Oh, what are you shaking your head? Oh, that's it, I'm done. We're gone. Dads and Cads, you might have read about this. This is, the problem is, is that because of modern society, that women can be attracted to two different types of men now. Dads and Cads. Cads, obviously. These are guys who might be good DNA, but they're not sticking around. Dads may not be the most alluring men on the planet, but they can provide provisions. It becomes safety and security versus good DNA. There's also the expression, and I don't use the alpha-beta thing very much, but here it fits. Alpha-fox-beta-box, meaning sex with the alpha. DNA with the alpha, sharing DNA. But the beta guy, he has to have the full-time job and provide all the provisions. And so currently, in our current society, this is the attraction and mating scheme that women are using, dads versus Cads. Back in the day, you could be a dad type, and you're still gonna get a hot babe. Of course, back then, they were all kind of hot because they weren't fat. And of course, this ties into hypergamy. Okay, all right, that ends this portion of this presentation. It is now time for questions and answers. So, I want questions and I will provide answers. And you can ask me about myself. Do you want to hear about the eye patch? Yeah, eye patch. All right. Some people know, some people don't. Has anybody read my blog? One on the back, one over there? You have, of course you have. Okay, the rest of you haven't seen it. All right. I wear this eye patch to cover up a facial disfigurement as the result of a treatment for an extraordinarily dangerous and rare form of cancer. Fundamentally, I'm dying. I got a couple years, relax. So, the eyeball was removed. I had the option of getting a prosthetic. I turned it down. So, underneath my eye patch is a very unpleasant looking thing called the conformer. I covered up with the eye patch and then when national talk like a pirate day comes along, I get all the free drinks in the world. So, that's why I wear the eye patch. Okay, other questions? Sir. All right, we have a microphone coming in. So, how have you used some of these principles about how humans used to live in like a native environment to improve something in or outside of your dating life? All right, the first thing is, I went, never mind that. I went back to confidence and I talked about confidence earlier and I'll give you a very classic example of the manifestation of confidence that I use and it has been very, very successful. Number one, I approach in person. I show that social confidence. I start up conversations. It's relatively easy for me just because of the nature of my character. When I meet a woman away from online dating in a particular social context, what I do is I don't ask for a date. I assume it's gonna happen and here's my pickup line. I'm enjoying this conversation. I'm enjoying your company. We are gonna have a date. Never give them a chance to say no. Now, that presupposes a couple of things. Social skills and knowing the social context. That's incredibly important because I have to perceive that there's a level of interest that this woman is giving me. I have to spend some time with her. I have to look for the classic PUA things of the hair flip, the eye contact, laughing at the silliest thing that I said. Then it's like, oh, there's some attraction here. And so then I use that confidence. The shows that I'm a risk taker. I did it just last night at the bar here at the hotel. I always scan a bar. I look for a woman sitting by herself or two women. And I always try to have them sit on my left for obvious reasons. In fact, if I'm sitting around, always approach me from my left shoulder because you don't exist. So I can do this, you're gone. You don't exist over there. Anyway, and I will make a point to sit next door and just start a conversation. Something banal about the weather, about whatever, the hotel, where are you coming from? This is an airport hotel. Did it last night? There was a blonde woman and I sat, I got her on my left. Unfortunately, she was in the process of leaving. But I said hello, and then I was looking for a menu and she replied, oh, would you like to see? I've got an extra menu, here you go. I mean, little things like that show a degree of social confidence and social skills. Very important. Other questions? Sir. Question about social hierarchy. In a hierarchy, you can only have, most people are gonna be at the bottom or in the middle. You can only have a few people at the top. So it's reasonable to suppose that most people have kind of this built in need to belong somewhere and they know they're not gonna be at the top. And so is the development of charisma and leadership, is that actually kind of a way to deliver value to most people? Like if you build that, you're actually helping to fulfill their need to belong because they know they're probably not gonna make it to the top. All right, two things going on that question. Good question, by the way. Two things going on. We are a social species, so the sense of belonging is critical. Because back in the day, Hunter gathers, if you didn't belong, you died. Simple as that. You just died. And just belonging to a tribe and contributing to the tribe and sharing in its resources is your chances of success, of survival are much higher. So there's your first answer to that one. The second one is, not everybody wants to be a leader. Absolutely true. Not everybody wants to be a leader. You've got people who obviously do, and I would say that's roughly 20% of the population or less, but most people just want to belong. Leadership skills, people are taught leadership skills all the time. And that's a big thing. But I think just belonging is enough for most people. And they're happy. They were like, oh, I belong to something. And that's why they go to church. That's why we're here. We have a sense of belonging with me on this stage and you guys sitting there saying really, really cool things about me because I am a good-looking fella. So that's, you know, it's belonging is very, very important. All right, other questions? Yeah, just at the end of your presentation, you talk about dads and cats and how everyone got a hot girl before. And what would you say in the interpretation of your own research has caused the shift in society as it is now? Yeah, female financial independence. Simple as that. Back in the day, women were not independent financially. They required a man. And also birth control and there are social expectations. But female financial independence hugely changed everything. So that meant that they didn't need a dad per se. So they can pursue cats. And that's why you hear about the bad boy concept, you know, women like bad boys. Well, they have been, women's liberation did a couple of interesting things. It, of course, it allowed women, it released them from, or liberated from certain social expectations based on their sex, okay? But the unintended consequences is that now they are truly independent. And so they can change their attraction points or they can act on their most instinctual attraction points. That's a better way to put it. They're allowed to say, you know, oh God, especially when they're young women, women of my age are a little bit different. But young women, I mean, they're 20, 21 years old and what do they want in a man? They want a hot guy, right? Doesn't matter if he's a good provider or not, he's tall, he's charismatic, you know, and he's good in the sack. So she's happy with that. So those are the social changes. But there is one biological fact that women absolutely must obey, fertility. I don't care what anybody says. That's when social expectation meets the hard reality of biology. That's the ultimate red pill that women have to take. They turn 28, 29 years old, what do we call it? The biological clock. I like to term baby rabies. You know, they have to follow their body if they want to reproduce and reproduction again. That's what we're on this planet to do, make more human beings. So I feel really sorry for educated, financially independent women. Birth control, by the way, is another huge, huge change in our society, in our culture. Because before, you know, the act of procreation was, you know, there were primitive methods of birth control, but basically, if you're buoyant, you're making a baby. Simple as that. Well, now it's not that way anymore. You take a pill before or after. You know, there's all sorts of methods for birth control. That was a huge gain changer culturally. And that has left men in a very confusing position as we know. You know, do you want to be a dad or a cat? Well, men have kind of a nesting instinct too. I know a lot of guys who it's like, I don't want to have a kid. I want to raise a family. But it's interesting to hear women and men say it. Women say I want to have a baby. Men say I want to raise a family. Huge difference in terms of outlook. Okay, we're kind of running out of time here. Any other questions? We've got like four, five minutes left. Anybody? Two more. Two more, okay. All right, kind of take you back to the leadership portion from the previous question. Do you believe leadership is a learned skill or is it inherited? Excellent question. I'll give the greatest answer on the planet. I don't know. I don't, I have not looked into it that much. I'm dealing with attraction, basically attraction and mating behaviors. I don't know about leadership. I will use the Pareto principle on this one, 80-20. 20% of the people are it's inherited, 80% it's learned. Of those who are leaders, I should say. Yes, I mean anything, because we're such an intelligent species, any behavior can be learned. I mean, whether it's a new language or whether it's leadership skills or how to be more attractive to women. I mean, we are of an incredibly changeable and adaptable species. I mean, think about where human beings lived even. We have Eskimos and we have people living in the jungle. Think about that, hunter-gatherers. I mean, so we are incredibly adaptable. So, if somebody wants to learn leadership skills, they could. You wanna learn skills of attraction? It's one of the reasons we're here in this very room because we understand on an instinctual level that it can be learned. Okay, one more question. Awesome. Andrew, I really wanna appreciate your presentation. I don't wanna bring up two things. And the first is that your talk is echoing a lot of the speeches we're hearing this week. And the first is that within the understanding, we find answers. But there's something you talked about very briefly in your introduction. I really like you to go over and it's two points. The first is that you just didn't get a body of knowledge but you acted on it. You took those principles and ideas and you put them out in the real world and acted the second. And I think it is an incredible counterpoint to what these young men are doing. Is you were at what age when you started doing this? It's compared to the same men who are very much in their 20s. And there is a massive gulf between the two and how you reconstituted your life at that point when you're talking about your personal narrative. I started this in 2007 and then I was in my late 40s. Yeah, I was in my 40s when I went down this rabbit hole. Before that, I was your average frustrated chump. I was fat, I weighed 270 pounds. And so I decided to change my life a lot. And I did it late in life, I really did. Because I didn't want to be that person. So I learned the theory and then said, all right, all right, that works. Then I went out in the world and saw what worked and saw what didn't work. I mean, I did certain things that the business of asking for a date or stating a date. I was a huge change in my life. I mean, that was in my late 40s. And I'd already gained a degree of confidence and other things. So yeah, I applied it. And again, I'm not selling anything here. I'm just, my enthusiasm for this subject is I just want to share it. And I want guys to get the sense of, okay, why is this woman or this person doing this kind of thing? And it may actually go against even her own best interests. I mean, women routinely get involved with dangerous, violent men. That is directly opposed to their best interest. Yet it still happens continuously. I would argue that's because it's an inherited behavior based on hunter-gatherer days. If a woman aligned herself with a big bad thug, her chances of survival are increased because he's gonna be a leader, he's gonna be able to obtain provisions, protein, meat. And so we still have that. We still have dangerous, violent men are still, they're getting the girls. Well, that's a feature, not a bug. And that feature is based on DNA. And it's based on evolution of behaviors. So that's all I got. Thank you very much. I want to thank the 21 Convention, 21 University, all the people there. I will be available for questions later. I think there's something going on later this evening. Is that true? Yes, that it's true. I'd very much like to be involved in that. And I know it was fairly early on a Saturday. You guys did well. Thank you very much. Thank you so much, Andrew, and the Private Man.