 Thank you for staying with us on Y254 Updates and if you're just joining us tonight we're talking about depression in men we seek to understand really why is it that probably men are embarrassed to talk about mental health what can we really do how do we get to create platforms where men can freely talk about issues that affect them as we take care of women and children as far as mental health this concerned we also try to seek how do we make sure that we change perceptions we build better conversations around mental health when it comes to men be part of this conversation by talking to us on all our social media platforms that is at Y254 channel you can also reach me at patricia murioki thank you very much feel and gidion for joining us tonight i'm very happy to have you i hope that you're safe especially with covid-19 opus 10 safe yeah okay so i'd like to start with you gidion when you think about depression or when people talk about depression or mentor issues in men what is the first thing that comes to your mind um thank you patricia i think when the subject of depression is men is uh concerned uh first and foremost when it's a man i think there is a question of denial because how we are nurtured as african men if i may is that uh you're supposed to be strong all the time you're never supposed to show weakness you're not supposed to be emotional so you find that uh as a man we hardly admit that we're in a state of depression because we want to maintain that status quo of i'm strong and i'm fine i'm in control of the situation yeah okay i feel when you get to hear about mental health and especially probably when someone is talking about depression what strikes you especially when you think when you think about depression in men when i think about depression in men i think about um a man in functioning in his limited ability you see when a man is functioning in his limited ability it means that his brain is not functioning at its optimal meaning there's something that affecting him and there are many things that can affect where we function or the functionality of a man lifestyle family work uh and and even thoughts of of of things are not going well and you begin to have negative thoughts and you begin to entertain those thoughts you get depressed so i think about a man not functioning at his full optimal or at his optimal capacity okay most of the time we talk about depression now while addressing literally both male and female we know some of the triggers this is probably we have social economy we also have probably certain issues that people uh that affect people and probably lead to depression we know probably as when we look up at men they expect them to be providers protectors and sometimes probably a man is really trying so hard to do it but at the moment probably they cannot manage to do that so why do you think that men feel embarrassed to come up and talk about the issues that affect them Gidion what is it that has made us not like create a war to make sure that has a woman as i cry or as i have i can approach someone easily and tell them this is what i'm going through a man cannot have that freedom okay among among other reasons that would make a man not want to talk about the state they are in uh and the major reason i think it's the ego because we think as men we are so strong we are superior than the women and actually statistic has it that women most of the people who undergo depression are women but on the other hand most of the those people who commit suicide as a result of depression amen amen and this is because this man feels like no it can't be me how a man as strong as i'm supposed to be how can i admit that i'm in depression how can i admit that things are running out of hand so it turns out being it's around the kind of the the the impression i want to create the face it's about what people think of me how people see me people shouldn't see me as a weak person people shouldn't see me as a person who is not in control so we end up closing and blocking even seeking assistance we cannot even seek help because we feel we have it all under control but in reality we are suffering as men and i think it's a question of just knowing that it is normal and it is fine as a man to go through depression and even talk about it so that you can seek help yeah okay so uh feel when we talk about the reason as to why men are embarrassed to probably talk about mental issues or issues that they get to face what do we think what do you think now we can do in terms of creating platforms where men can feel comfortable to really talk about their issues before we now try to look at what the church can do yeah first of all i think it's it's important to change the narrative because the perspective that is there is that a man is not supposed to be you know the perspective that is as put out there is that a man is supposed to be alive even liars do get wounded sometimes you know and it's okay for us to change the narrative and know that sometimes it's okay to fail that sometimes it's okay to make mistakes that sometimes it's okay to make blanda any great thing began from a seed so it is important sometimes to take our lessons of failure you know our lessons of of of feeling we have let down someone or our self on one way or another sometimes it is important to take it positively and to make them a stepping stone and a learning experience what doesn't break you makes you so if you want to be great stand on top of something you can stand on top of your failure and conquer that goliath of failure and become strong you can stand on top of that weakness and stand on top of the weaknesses and become strong it's okay to fail it's okay to make mistakes for mistakes and failure is a greatest teacher of life okay i really like that for and i hope that for men or probably for every person who is watching us tonight they are really picking on certain strong points that are being talked about here tonight i would like us to look at masculinity uh we know people say that men are not supposed to be emotional but the question here is it are we living in a society that says men are supposed to be strong but we have men probably dying from the inside we just talk of the of them we can see them being strong physically but emotionally these people are literally draining so Gidion how can men talk about their issues seek help and still have a balance of being strong being termed as strong beings how do we now create the balance between these two things this starts from the issue of strong a man being strong and everything starts from socialization it is about how we are groomed by our parents because you'll find when a boy and a girl are being raised there's a particular way that a boy is supposed to behave for example you find for a boy when you're growing you are told kuliani makosa you're not even supposed to cry even when you're very much emotional you're not supposed to show emotions but i think for men and as we grow up and with the kind of exposure we've got we've got to realize that first of all before i'm a man i am a human being and human beings are social beings they are emotional beings at the same time they are spiritual beings and therefore i think the question of strong and weak should be it should come much later after i've admitted that i can go through anything a woman can go through and for me to get that help i have to admit i have to say yes i'm going through this but it is possible to overcome as pastor phil has said because if you think of yourself as superman as the society wants us to look like you fail you even fail more and that's when you reach to a point where you feel now that the superman in me didn't conquer this i think the best thing i should do is to quit and what happens that is when the society does start coming in so how to strike the balance let's admit that yes we are supposed to be leaders as men we are supposed to be strong as men but that doesn't mean that we don't face problems that can overwhelm us sometimes and when we face them they are they are always avenues to channel those problems so that we can get help from those people who probably cancel us we have even other men i can just go and share with men but we don't share that's why i started by saying that most of the people women are known to be the most affected by depression but men are the majority that die as a result of depression it's because you don't want to seek help okay uh when you look around when you talk because people not feeling men not feeling free to talk about a mental health is because of stigmatization because they have that fear inside of them of how if i go probably sometimes even talking to their wives or their partners or their sisters or their mothers they they think about the first thought is how are they going to take me how are they going to think about me so feel i would like you to talk as we talk about stigmatization around mental health what do you think the church what role can the church play to make sure that we are creating strong men both physically and emotionally okay before i come to the church uh it's okay for men to know that it's okay to bleed you cannot heal unless you bleed and one of the ways wounds heal faster is when you expose your wounds so don't feel sad don't feel uh don't die with your pain expose your wound let your wound heal you know it's okay to expose your wound for the wound to heal so i'd like men to know that don't be ashamed of the bleeding because bleeding is a pathway for healing so let your pain out you know let loose loose you don't talk to people talk to your fellow men talk to your pastor talk to people that you look up to and tell them hey bro i'm bleeding you go samela suplus or something you know that that's okay to expose your second in order to heal now coming back to the church the church plays an important role the bible says as a man think it solves it so actually their god is telling us that it is important for us to have positive thinking you are who you let me tell you who you are mostly is also determined by who you hang around with i was talking to my friend today my friend is called oj and i was talking to my friend today and i was telling oj you know there are some people that you can hang around with and they can just drain you and take away the grace from you and take away the strength from you and take away the virtue from you i'm sure patricia you being around people because they have negative energy as a man think it's so easy it is important number one to hang around good people to hang around people who have positive energy who will influence who will influence us to grow and god says in his word that i live in a high and holy place but also in them that are broken and contrite in spirit god is with you despite your pain despite what you're going through despite how long you've been there let me tell you one thing that i like the bible man the bible says surely when i like that verse in the book of desire it says surely when a man falls down doesn't he get up and this is what i'll say to the man wake up shake off the dust off your feet and walk again smile again dance again sing again for you are a man full of strength full of grace that god has given you wow that is very powerful as we try to still continue have this conversation because apparently time is kind of not on our side i would like you give them to address your mental health when it comes to young men we have young men probably go through a certain situation and they turn to drugs what message do you have tonight for young men we're watching us tonight probably we're going to see these a clip later on what can you tell them what is one of the best ways probably for them to seek help when they feel stressed or they feel pressured thank you any young men watching out there i think the most important thing for you to know is that you are not the first now there are last person who will go through that particular situation so as you go through it just know that it is coming to pass it is not here to stay we have gone through it others have gone through it many more even after you will go through it so don't allow yourself to die just because of the situation you are in drugs are not a solution uh engaging in uh irresponsible act is not the solution pasta has said it that god has told us in his word that even man falls they shall rise the same applies to a young person if you fall you'll rise and there is a great future ahead of you don't allow any situation to define you or limit you from becoming the person that god designed you to become there's greatness in you run for it okay well there's greatness in you run for it as you wind up feel how do we show support to men when they are fighting depression when they are going through mental health how do we show support and love first of all let us speak about it openly because as i said earlier hidden wounds don't heal so let them come out and speak about their wounds and one of the ways we can show support is that we are saying hey guys we are here well available you can talk to us about what you're going through it's not the end of the world someone went through that and you overcame and and it became a better man and we give example as well of people who were nothing and today they are one of the greatest leaders in this world so i will tell uh people who are fighting and struggling with depression out there you know what you're not alone you know god is with you and we're here with you we can stand with you because you're stronger than you think wow thank you very much guys for finding the time to talk about this how you know probably the time we're sure to going to create more another probably another day and talk more about depression you've heard what today feel and gidion have talked about for me what i can tell is that it is okay to not be okay whether as a man or a woman if you don't take care of your mental health then it is not easy for you to progress in other aspects of your life my name is patricia muriuki and do have yourselves a very good night thank you