 G'day, I'm at 40 here. So it's 90 degrees outside and I was just out for a walk and I've done about 2400 steps and I take a sudden walk on my right because there's like some awkward people up ahead So I take the sudden walk and I'm listening to an audible book I'm listening to the 25th 25th anniversary edition of the making of the atomic bomb by Richard Rhodes Like great stuff. And here's the context. Pass over begins in eight days So eight days of pass over I'm going to get so much face-to-face human contact I don't need to sweat it tonight, right? If I if I don't make it to yoga tonight If I don't make it to a 12-step meeting tonight If I don't go to a Torah class tonight If I don't go to some kind of meet-up or go to a sports bar or you know push myself to you know spend some awkward time with some awkward awkward friend or acquaintance It's fine Because I got my books and my poetry to protect me So I take this sudden right and I go past these five Mexican tree trimmers who are sitting in the shade And I nod at them because I'm an amiable happy dude Then up ahead is this young girl and she's got this This bag of her stuff that looks like a robot So it's like a robot bag with all her stuff in it And she's giving it to a fat guy behind a Prius who's putting it into the back of a Prius And then this young woman walks up To the kid and she's trailed by another fat guy who looks like the the first fat guy, all right And then suddenly I just start thinking, you know, what would happen if my life merged with this woman? She's not No, she's not hideous like she she's above average and looks she seems to be about 30 years of age And I just start musing like what if my life merged with her life? And we ended up looking after kids together and we have the in-laws over and my time is no longer my own And she's pushing me to work harder and make more money And you know get the plumber over and to fix this and I'd just be another dad And as I'm walking right past her I smell her deodorant and it smells so familiar It's one of those, you know brands that that everyone you know uses and uh, so You know, I probably I probably slept with a dozen women who use this type of deodorant, right and And I Smell the deodorant and I think about what would happen If my life merged with her life if my life merged with an ordinary woman's life And I I started building up an ordinary ordinary world and And I'm smelling the deodorant and I'm thinking This smells like mediocrity Like why would I want to have a wife and kids If that's going to shortchange the amount of time that I get to spend with you Doing these amazing live streams and this intense connection that we have like I tell tell my sponsors There's no recovery without building human bonds without connection So I was talking to a sponsor Like I gave him the assignment like where do you get the energy to overcome your addiction and he talks? Oh, it's with higher power and you know, I say these prayers And I do my my 12 step work and I pray and I meditate And and then I said, what do you think I'm going to tell you? All right, what do you think I'm going to tell you about where to get energy and he says, uh from my higher power Like no, I've never said you get energy from a higher power You get energy from your connections with other people Like what elliott black and glib medley and I have is incredibly energizing like elliott's getting a charge out of this Glib medley is getting a charge out of this. We're all inspired. We're creating a shared reality together And then What do I tell him? um I talked to him about Entrainment that you you know, we That when you create this shared reality with someone else Rhythmic entrainment and I said, what do you think rhythmic entrainment means my sponsor you guys? Oh, uh, I don't know. I said Have a go have a go mate What what do you think rhythmic means? It's like, you know, you're taking turns that there's like a rhythm to your interactions like yeah Then what do you think entrainment means? Oh, I don't know Or just going by the sound of it, you know, what do you think? Entrainment means all right. What's the definition? All right, it's like, uh somehow you're You're building something together So entrainment refers to characteristic Interactions between brain rhythm So it's the coupling of two independent Oscillatory systems so that their periods of oscillation become related by virtual phase alignment now Isn't that perfectly clear? So what we are doing right now We're getting energy because we're on the same page All right, we're creating a shared reality and as we build this shared reality Right, I say something you say something I respond to what you say you respond to what I say you respond to my title It it reminds you of this great diran diran song Right. This is also This is also rhythmic entrainment guys right Like two independent oscillatory systems your oscillatory system my oscillatory system All right, we are coupled in such way that our periods of oscillation become related by virtual phase alignment Isn't that just the most incredible thing ever? And so there's no recovery from addiction if you don't get on the same page with other people If you don't start building rhythmic entrainment if you start don't start bonding with other people start You know connecting with others That's where energy comes from. That's the primary source of energy. It's not caffeine It's not midaphanel like I asked a sponsor like where do you get your energy? It's like oh eating right getting enough sleep And I said to him what can you do to get get more energy? So I'll get you know more sleep better sleep, you know eat better don't eat junk food You know be more judicious with my use of caffeine, you know get exercise You know, I guess those things are all good the primary source of energy is getting on the same page with other people Connecting with other people bonding with other people Building shared realities with other people right when you build a shared reality with other people That not just bonds you to others, but you also produce an ethic right? We were raised by particular people who taught us particular folk ways So I was raised in Australia I was raised to think if you're not Aussie, you know You're nothing and then I came over here at 11 and became an American patriot and became accustomed to the American way of life and so Either the American or the Australian ways of life Those are the two ways of life that that are the most comfortable to me and and other ways of life such as the French or the German just seemed distinctly inferior That's what's normal natural and if you do this moderately even even healthy right that there are certain Certain ways of living that are just normal natural and so you build bonds with other people Right whenever I meet an Australian in America I just feel this immediate bond when I went back to Australia I felt you know much more connected to to other people who I was just passing on the street or You know meeting meeting on a bus Right, so that bond always produces that an ethic right a morality comes out of that bond And so all the other forms of morality They're weak. They don't stand up. They don't last. They may be amazing in theory like Aristotelian ethics The ethics of Thomas Aquinas My monody and ethics The the the ethical values of orthodox Judaism The ethical values of orthodox christianity Platonist ethics The ethics of the fully realized man David data is the way of the supreme man. All right. There are all these ethical theories. All right, but really The only ethics that matter are the ethics that naturally come from your bonds with other people Everything else is intellectual masturbation Now there are some extraordinary people who You know may read about ethics or learn ethics from from a religion or from a philosophy and that has some real world effect But for 99 percent of people the only ethics that matter are the ethics they develop as a result of the bonds that they build And we primarily primarily build bonds to family then If we have room left over after building bonds to family and relatives Then we add on friendships if we hardly have any bonds to family and relatives then we add on a whole ton of friendships And we may even convert to another religion to to build bonds So That's what it all boils down to right if you're addicted to to pornography You're addicted to masturbation if you're addicted to marijuana or to alcohol or to drugs to under-owning to deading to food there's no recovery Without building shared realities with other people without getting that human human connection And that's where energy comes from and you need energy to overcome Your default patterns, particularly if your default patterns are not serving you So I was out there In the 90 degree temperatures Like this seems to making you the atomic bomb And I just got this like Three second fantasy about what would happen if my life merged with this you know young woman All right, and she was not hideous looking all right. She was above average And uh, I wasn't thinking lustfully about her. I just I just got that That smell it reminded me of all these other women that I'd been with and it was like It was the smell of secular homes There's such a big difference between a religious home and a secular home Like you walk into a religious home and there are there are icons and there, you know, there's religious art there are all these these visual Cues about the transcendent. All right It kind of gives you a sense of the world beyond the mundane and then you walk into a secular home and there's there's not that There's not all these, you know, rocket ships to to another world. It's just, you know, very Comparatively, you know mundane and this world centered and and this deodorant that I smelled You know reminded me of the the dozen women that I've been with who have secular homes And it was perfectly comfy They were even moments of extreme pleasure, God forbid and they were frequently very nice people And they were often, you know superior to me in many many different different ways And they were a source of solace. They were they were they were a port in a storm for me Uh, some of them I probably met them when they were really depressed And so they they they embraced 40 for for a few months But uh, overall it was it was the smell of mediocrity Like I smelled that deodorant on a dozen women before that I've been with I don't need This mediocrity. I don't need this secular mediocrity. I want the transcendent all right all right, and so On the other hand, you know, I built walls All right, maybe I'm just rationalizing walls that I've built. I built a fortress deep and mighty that none may penetrate I have near need of friendship because friendship causes pain. It's laughter and it's loving. I disdain. I am a rock. I am an island Well, that that's old 40. Okay, so so I'm graduating I'm graduating from that to uh, did you see tiger woods today? How exciting was that shot one under par is just what? Three or four strokes are off the leaderboard. What a tremendous comeback for for tiger woods Look, I won't cry for yesterday There's an ordinary world somehow I have to find as I try to make my way to the ordinary world I will learn to survive Papers in the roadside tell of suffering and greed fear today forget tomorrow Here besides the news of holy war and holy need owls. It's just a little sorrow talk All right Duran Duran ordinary world. So yeah assignment like right about what gives you strength energy power like who doesn't need more strength energy and power in your life And how have you been able to connect with that in the past? And what can you do to connect to more of it? And the answer is that all human connection human bonding creating a shared reality rhythmic entrainment Bye. Bye