 Now, I don't know about you ladies, but I like the word legacy, and I'm excited to be here, and I'm humbled to stand here before each and every one of you today. I was looking at our backdrop, and it's so awesome how you see the tree. It reminds me of Psalm 1, but there's the Bible with Deuteronomy 6, 4 through 9, and you see its roots, and it just gave me a picture of how we need to be rooted and grounded in the Word of God every single day. I like the word legacy to know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and make an eternal difference makes me smile. What a privilege we all have to make a difference in the lives of many. A legacy can be negative or it can be positive. If you want to leave a good legacy, then it's going to require self-discipline and self-sacrifice. Today, I'd like to share my story with you. Before I began my relationship with the Lord, I was heading in the wrong direction, completely separated from God. I was completely lost with no hope. I lived a very dark life. I rejected God. I felt lonely, insecure, hopeless, had a lot of bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness, and I was one angry child. Before I was born, my dad and my mom had got into an ugly argument and my dad threw my brother across the room hoping that he would land on the sofa, but instead he hit the window sill and flew out the window. Of course, glass shattered everywhere, cops arrived. He suffered brain damage and was never the same because of that fight. When I was about one and a half, my dad and mom separated and finally divorced. My dad was in the army. He's always gone. He was unfaithful to my mom, so of course she moved on with another. He begged my mom to forgive him and he promised that he'd never cheat again, but he had been unfaithful so many times that my mom was weary of believing his lies. This new boyfriend that my mom had connected with would beat her so badly that we didn't see family because my mom had a hider face. She was beaten in front of us for three years. One day, praise God, he left to work. We packed all our belongings and we left never to return. My dad remarried for the fourth time. His last wife cheated on him, so he shot and killed her. I spoke with his lawyer and he told me that my dad was going to get the death penalty, that he was in a lot of trouble because when he was at the scene and he shot his wife, he was commanded to get out of the vehicle. Well, he didn't listen. He decided he was going to run him over, so they had him for attempted murder. And so he was in a world of mess. He was in a lot of trouble. So the lawyer said he's going to get the death penalty. He said, understand, your dad is in so much trouble that not even Jesus and his 12 disciples can save your dad. So I responded, you don't know my God. He will have the last word. I received word that my dad was going to receive lethal injection. So I got on my knees and I cried out to God and I asked him to please save my dad from eternal damnation because obviously he's not saved. A year and a half later, he went to trial and today he sits in prison with a life sentence and 10 years of hard labor because he murdered his wife. Because his life was spared, I pray without ceasing that he will surrender his life to the Lord and ask God for forgiveness. My grandma died soon after that. She carried the guilt and she blamed herself for the way that her son, being my dad, she blamed herself for the way that he turned out. I just want to stop and I just want to say to you, it's our job as mamas to raise our kids in the ways of the Lord, but ultimately, they're going to make their own decisions. Our children are going to make their own choices and it's because they have free choice. That's our God-given gift, free choice and whatever they decide to do with their lives after they leave home, it is not your fault. It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself and don't be like my grandma and carry the guilt. Pray for them and walk in freedom. Going back a little to my childhood, things happened that would not edify you or glorify God to repeat. As a little girl, I was raised around drugs, alcohol, weapons and I was in some real dangerous situations. I'm a miracle God, just I'm standing here by the grace of God. I should be dead. But because of everything that I saw and what I was surrounded by, I lived a life of fear and it didn't help that my grandma and all my aunts and uncles and everybody, they lived afraid, they were afraid of everything. I mean, even insects or if you fail, it was like we were so afraid. And so I kind of just carried that with me. Praise God he has set me free from even the fierce spiders. OK, so the place where I should have been safe, I was abused and taken advantage of. I grew up around a lot of arguing, fighting and I now lived with a fugitive. So we moved a lot. We traveled. We had to regularly pack our things and drive to another state. Moving on ahead, I was in second grade and it wasn't long before we were resting on a curb behind a restaurant in the middle of the night. This individual got drunk and kicked us out of his mama's house. His mother knew that we had nowhere to go. So she snuck us through her bedroom window. And we had to hide underneath her waterbed so that he wouldn't beat us. Because when he got drunk, he was aggressive and no telling what he was going to do to us was awful. I had to learn to forgive, how to learn to let things go. And I've learned in my walk with the Lord, I've been safe for 15 years and I've learned that forgiveness is vital. It is so, so important. It's necessary. If we want to experience the true joy, peace and rest that only God can give, we have to forgive. When we refuse to forgive people, we can't experience God's love and forgiveness. We handle our relationship with the Father. And when you can't do it on your own, all you got to do is get on your knees. There have been so many times and probably even yesterday where I've said, Lord, help me and take that unforgiveness out of my heart and replace it with your love because I don't know how to love this person. And I can't do it on my own strength, but you can. Everyone has a cross to carry and wounds to be healed. But it's the love of God that compels us to follow him, serve him and obey him. OK, so we moved back home. We moved again when I was about in the fourth grade. Someone was on the run again and a lot of things happened. It was really bad once again. And now moving forward, I was now in the seventh grade. It was the month of October. We lived in a duplex. We were all watching TV and all of a sudden black smoke was coming through the top of the ceiling. And I mean, it was fast. Immediately it filled the entire room. We ran outside and as quickly as possible, we watched that duplex just burn down. A couple weeks later, my grandpa died. So we ended up moving into the house where grandpa lived. I remember being very hungry and frustrated because people around me were just partying, getting high, doing, you know, the party thing. And it was pretty crazy. So I asked, why would I ask for something to eat? I decided to ask for something to eat. So I was offered an empty bag of chips that had only crumbs remaining at the very bottom of it. And so I said, this, you want me to eat this? The bag's empty. And all of a sudden, anger arose and shouts. I was like, what do you want from me? And all of a sudden, there was this like old pantry and canned goods were thrown at me like a pitcher trying to strike a batter out. One of the cans hit me on the head and knocked me out. I hit the floor. I don't even know how I got up. I don't even know how I woke up. I just remember yelling, all kinds of yelling in the background to stop throwing those cans at me. My head was spinning. I was dizzy. I couldn't stand up straight. I was holding on to the walls. And one of the friends that was there, she was in a panic. And so she ordered me to go call her sister for help. So I did. And I just, obviously, I was in complete despair. So fast forward and moved again. Okay, so now I'm 17. We moved back home. I was beaten and I was tired of it. I cried out to a couple people for help but they couldn't help me. So I decided I was going to just put my misery to rest. I decided that I was going to commit suicide. I was so tired of being hit and controlled. I saw that I was going nowhere. I felt like a complete failure. Things were really bad. So I decided that if I was going to commit suicide, it was going to be a successful one. A few weeks later, I was able to get a plane ticket to go back to the state where I was previously. This was my escape. I didn't have to go through with the suicide. I now had a way out. And even in that, I can see when I first got saved, I felt like my life was kind of replayed back to me. And I just see the hand of God just rescuing me and just taking me out of the pit. Psalm 27 says, when my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me. And he did. Okay, so it was 1999. I was now 18, young, immature. I made a lot of dumb decisions in my own. I was living in sin, so you know I was miserable. But for the first time in my life, I started to feel a hunger for God. I grew up Catholic, but we didn't know about beating the Christmas rush. So we only went on the holidays. I was living with my friend and family. And one particular day I remember walking outside my friend's house and feeling this emptiness, feeling this void. I just looked up and I was like, Lord, if you're really real, can you reveal yourself to me? Show me something, give me a sign. Anything, just show me. Show me that you really are real. And so the Lord responded the next day. I was at work and this girl had asked me, if you died today, where would you go? I responded, I'll go straight to hell. I lived a life like there was no God. I didn't know him and I definitely didn't know that he loved me. She told me, you're right. She took me to Calvary Chapel Golden Springs on a Wednesday night. And don't you know I know the day? It was August 18th, 1999. And I received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Oh yes, I did. Hallelujah. Jesus gave me a new life and I've been walking with him since. I've experienced complete joy, love, grace, peace, forgiveness and freedom from many bondages. I don't think I've ever met anybody with as much bondage. If anything comes to mind, that was me. I did it, I felt it, I experienced it. It was awful. Knowing him is a joy and a peace that no man can give. I started to read the Bible. I started to study the word. You see, I had never, you know, knew about the word of God. I didn't know God had left us, you know, basic instructions before leaving earth or I like to call it my love letter. I didn't know. So I was hungry and I remember opening the Bible that same night and just reading and reading until my eyes couldn't stay open anymore. And anyways, as I was reading and studying, I ran into the scripture in 2nd Corinthians 614 that says not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever and what communion has light with darkness. So I broke up with my fiancee and I gave him back his ring. It was a hard decision, but I wanted to be obedient to God without compromise. And so those of you who are in a relationship with someone who's not walking, that you got a bag to come to church, run now. Don't stay in that relationship because if he does not love God, he is not gonna know how to love you. Be of good courage and he shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord. Okay, so I met my husband, Daniel, two days after I yielded my life to God and he had just returned from in Sonata. He was on a mission trip translating for a pastor and two months after knowing each other, we were courting, yeah, we moved fast. Two months after that we were engaged. I told you, I wasn't exaggerating. And then six months later, we got married. I was 19 years old, y'all. He was 26. And so when we met and we told each other our age, we both said, I say, you two owe for me. He was like, you're too young for me. But as we spent time together and we both, you know, had a hunger for the word and hunger for the things of God, we got over that real quick. We're like, age is just the number, right? It's not too bad. I mean, we're almost seven years apart, but not quite. So anyways, I know God has got a sense of humor because he joined Daniel and I together. I joke with him still and I tell him, you know God must have been on his throne. And he was laughing so hard when we joined the matrimony because we're so opposite of one another. We went on our honeymoon and then we returned home to reality fast. It wasn't long before we had some intense fellowship. I mean, intense. Did you know there's one way to open an envelope? The mail arrived and I was like, and he was like, don't you ever do that again. I happily opened it the wrong way. I ripped it and tore it off. My honey hit the ceiling. I mean, you would have thought it was the end of the world. He said, you sliced it like this on the side. I say, you can't even tell it's been opened. How am I gonna know the difference? That was our first argument. Then I did the laundry. Well, don't you know my mama didn't teach me right? She taught me the wrong way. You don't stretch the socks and pull them over. Oh no, man. You lay one on top of the other and you fold it over like this. I'm still laughing. And then the sheets were tucked in right. Oh my word, really? I was a mess. And I didn't tell anybody about my struggles. Surely I was the problem since I'd always been the problem growing up. And the pastor didn't tell me during marriage counseling that this was important and you had to do this a certain way and do that a certain way. And if you didn't do it right, there was gonna be problems, drama, issues. So anyways, I shut down. I cried a lot. I'm thankful for that scripture says that Jesus collects our tears in a bottle cause I love the water. I love to swim. I'm gonna have my own swimming pool in heaven. Jesus turns all things for good. Okay, so anyways, then we started to work on my character cause there were some things I needed shaping and I was too loud. And so on and so on. It was rough. You know, I wasn't raising a Christian home. So in all sincerity, I really didn't know how to act. I didn't know how to behave. I didn't know that it was a gentle and quiet spirit that was attractive. I was loud. It was loud at my house. So I thought you'd be loud. Everybody's loud. So I went to church and I was like, I'm gonna serve all these Christian women and see how they act, how they treat their husbands. I even started questioning some of them. How do you fold your laundry? How do you fold your socks? Is there one way? So anyways, I had to stay quiet a lot and observe. Anyways, we continued to disagree on many topics and it was a challenge, you know, because I felt like I couldn't talk about anything without it turning into a disagreement. And we both said things that, you know, we really didn't mean when we would get upset and things that really were not a big deal, which we know now, too late, but no. We made them into big deals. And Jesus in that time provided me with many tools on marriage and I used them. I really tried to practice what I learned because deep down in my heart, I really did want to make my husband happy and my heart was to be that virtuous woman that I would read about and I was failing at it or so I thought I was. The Lord encouraged me with his word and he held me and I wept when I needed to. But there was a season where I started to grow cold and even when we would talk, he would explain why he wanted things done a certain way. And one day, he even jokingly said, just do it my way and everything will run smooth. Does anybody know what I'm talking about? Please tell me I'm not the only one. And we both laughed, even when he said it, we both laughed, but deep down I was crying inside because I knew at that time I knew he really meant it. And I was really, I felt melancholy because when I stood at the altar and I said I do, I meant it. I made a vow to the Lord and before people that I loved and I respected and I intended to keep it. But only with God's help could I stay. But not just stay, because I didn't want to just be married. I wanted to smile in my marriage. I wanted to be happy in my marriage. I wanted to enjoy and I wanted to thrive with the man that I committed my life to here on this earth. And so I wanted to live freely, but somehow with all these rules and things I felt suppressed. Once again, as a Christian woman, I was so full of bondage and I daily cried out to God for help. He responded and he brought healing every single time I called upon his name. Every single time he answered and he healed and the good thing about Daniel was that if I was upset, he knew. Your man knows when you're mad. He knows when you start to get quiet and you start to act different. When he says, what's wrong? You say nothing. That's the first clue. He knows you're mad. But the good thing about him was that if I was upset he would always bring up that scripture and Ephesians. Don't let your son go down your wrath. So we lost a lot of sleep. We stayed up talking until we made peace. And he knew when I was really at peace. And there were times I was like, can we just go to sleep and talk about this tomorrow? He's like, nope, I don't want you to be mad at me. And I was like, Daniel, I'm so tired. I can't hold my eyes open anymore and we ain't getting nowhere. He was like, nope, I want you to love me. And then he would say, you got to give me a kiss. And I was like, oh. Cause that was going to prove to him if there was peace in my heart. And now we can talk about and joke about all these little things. Now I'm fine with them because I know they're not big deals. They're not big deals. But these little things are the very things that turn into big things. And that cause bitterness in our hearts. That cause us to get where we just start to pull away from our husbands and we start to fall out of love and we start to just go into a place of just even distancing ourselves. And then all these thoughts play in our mind over and over and over and over and over again about what happened or what was said. Take control over your thoughts because the word tells us to meditate on that which is good, that which is the holy of good report. And that's the word of God. And so no matter what you're going through in your marriage or in your relationship, meditate on the word because that is what's going to heal you and that's what's going to change your mindset. Daniel has changed his approach and it feels good to know that I'm loved by him and that's the thing that I think has just really held us together is that even though we argued a lot and we had a lot of issues, we always both in our separate times and even together we would pray and we would come back and we would say I'm sorry. There'd be times where in five minutes we'd have like an argument five minutes he'd come back and he'd say I'm sorry and then we'd be at peace. Again, brokenness is a hard place but a good place. When you're broken, you're dependent on the Lord. This is where he refines your character. Okay, so ladies I just want to leave you with just, I just want to plead with you with all in my heart because marriage is under attack today and if you're contemplating divorce or even separation I just want to ask you to just please pray and go before the Lord and just ask him to heal you and to heal your marriage. Even when you feel like you're done or even your husband feels like he's done I just want to ask you today to just really cry out and ask the Lord to restore and to heal because the enemy knows that if he can have your marriage then he can have your children and if he can have your marriage and your children he has destroyed your family and so with all my heart I just ask you today to just really just surrender and whatever it is that has you in the place where you are just give it to God just let go and just let him rule and reign in your life and leave a legacy that is worth leaving. Glorify in the Lord with all your heart, mind and soul. God bless you ladies.