 The Kraft Foods Company presents Willard Waterman as The Great Gildersleeve. The Great Gildersleeve is brought to you partially transcribed by The Kraft Foods Company. Kraft makers of Velvita, the famous pasteurized processed cheese food that tastes so good and is so good for you. Yes, Velvita is another of the Kraft family of fine foods. Foods you can depend on for delicious eating, for wholesome, healthy eating. So remember to get the cheese food of quality, get Velvita the cheese food that's made by Kraft. The Great Gildersleeve leads a fairly prosaic life. There are times when he regrets the fact that nothing very exciting happens to him, but all in all he's quite content to spend his days about routine duties at the water department, then come home to his little family and spend his evenings with the paper. And so it is that he's back this evening with the paper. Well, there's not much news tonight. I think I'll work the crossword puzzle and go to bed. Oh, can I have the woman's section, Anki? Yeah, yeah, I'm not dreaming, my dear. Thank you. Let me have the financial section, Anki. Financial section, we roared. I want to see if the allowances are going up. Yes, yes. Take the rest of the paper with it. I don't care. It's getting pretty heavy on my lap. Paper gets bigger and bigger during election year. Well, let's see. In number two, vertical. Margie, what's a five letter word meaning flat? Flat? Begins with an L. How about Leroy? I'm flat. I haven't got a dime. Leroy, you'll get your allowance on Saturday. By that time, I'll owe Bertie so much I still won't have a dime. Five letter word meaning flat. What's flat, besides Leroy? First thing I know, I'll have so many debts I'll have to run away and join the foreign legion like this guy did. Boy, he's done everything. Who, Leroy? Wilbur Cosgrove. Here's an article about him. The strange disappearances of Wilbur Cosgrove. One time he was a submarine captain and he was a goucho in Argentina. He even led safaris to Africa. He's four duels. Are you talking about Wilbur Cosgrove or Errol Flynn? Oh, Fallon, he finally disappeared in 1938 and nobody's seen him since. Here's a picture. Leroy, I'm busy with my puzzle. Well, let me see it, Leroy. Sure. Hey, you handsome, monkey. Marjorie, I'm busy. He looks like you. Marjorie, he does? Let me see that. Yeah, he would look like Anki if you put a mustache on him and give him a little bay window. Leroy... Of course, he looks much younger than Anki. Naturally. Well, this picture was taken before he disappeared in 1938. Yeah, Georgie does look a little like me. Leroy, get that picture of Uncle Mort. We cut out of the paper last week. The one where he was dedicating the drain pipes? Yeah. Where is that? It's here in the magazine, right. There. Now, isn't the resemblance striking, Anki? How can two men who look alike be so different? What do you mean? Well, well, the car's glove is holding it off and you're holding the shovel. You should have worn your coat for the picture, Anki. Well, I had to look like I was working. That's politics. Well, it's just amazing. That man could be Anki 14 years ago. Are you kidding? I never did anything like this guy. Well, wait a minute, Leroy. How do you know what I've done in the past? You kids never saw me until I came to Summerfield to take care of you in 1941. Things were pretty dull for you up until then, huh, Anki? Not at all. Anki, I never thought of that. Why, you lived about 30 years before we knew you. Eh? 30 very exciting years. Yeah, like what? Well, how do you know I wasn't doing glamorous things like this Wilbur Cosgrove? Okay, like what? Oh, for all you know, I could have been a submarine captain, too. You're a Pinkarded man in secret service. You never said anything about being in the secret service. You have when you're in the secret service, you keep it a secret. Now you have me curious. Just what did you do when you were a young man? Marjorie, I'm still a young man. But what did you do? Well, I've done a lot of things in the past that I don't talk about. I don't like to brag. Ah! Stop it, Leroy, let Anki tell us. Anything romantic happened to Anki? Well, more daring than romantic. It says here this guy Wilbur was chewed by a tiger once. That's nothing. I have a trick me, you know. How come you got that playin' football? Well, I'm no alarmist. I let people believe that. But I could have got it with the Royal Northwest Mounted. The Canadian Mounted? Wrestling a wanted man, on a Galatian. Gosh! What else did you do, Aunt? Leroy, don't press me. Just thinking about the past makes my old wounds hurt. Did you ever fight a duel like this Wilbur Cosgrove? Well, dueling is against the law. If you fight one, you don't spread it around. What else have you done, Aunt? Well, I told you enough for tonight, Leroy. I think I'll stroll down to Peabies for some cigars. Well, you have cigars in the humidor. I do? Well, the walk will do me good. I should limber up my trick knee before retiring. What can I do for you this evening? Nothing, Peabie. I just had to get out of the house. Couldn't keep a straight face any longer. Okay. I had a lot of fun with Marjorie and Leroy. Describing my colorful past. Laying it on for the sake, will you? Well, they asked for it. They saw a picture in the paper of a fellow who disappeared from Duluth in 1938. He looked like me, Peabie. He's not fine. He disappeared. No. He's an adventurer who keeps dropping out of sight. He's done everything. Foreign legion and all that stuff. And by comparison, the kids thought my life was pretty dull. Yeah, it's pretty hard to fool kids. Peabie, how do you know what I did before I came to Summerfield? Well, I just assumed it wasn't too exciting. Oh, you did. What do you know about it? Far as you know, my past life is a blank. That's when it changed. Now, just a minute. My life hasn't been entirely without incident. I could even be this guy who did all these fancy things and disappeared in 1938. Let me take another look at that picture. I have the paper right here. There it is. Right there. It's Wilbur Cosgrove. He's a dead ringer for me, all right? Quite an article about his travels. Not very considerate of his wife. Says she's still looking for him. Well, it was a time I considered being a soldier of fortune and leaving for parts unknown. Because you got married instead, huh, Peabie? No, this was after I got married. Mrs. Peabie threatened to bob her hair back in the 20s, and I threatened to leave her. That was a little rash of you, Peabie. You know, it came down a lot, I guess. Now I'm putting up with a poodle cut. You married man. Why does George know and never dominate me like that? Mr. Gillis, is that woman staring at you through the window? A lot of women. She looks mad about something. I mean, she's coming in. Wilbur. Who? Wilbur, don't pretend you don't recognize me. Me? You're not talking to me. I am your wife, Sarah. Your wife? My, my. And don't you try to, don't you try to deny it. I saw your picture in the paper a week ago and came straight to Summerfield. My picture? You were leaning on a shovel. You'll be, poor flusher. No, wait a minute, madam. Don't call me, madam. The minute I saw you through the window, I knew you were Wilbur. But... You put on weight and grew a trick mustache. But you're not fooling anybody. You're my Wilbur. You, you desert her. Madam, you're making a mistake. I'm Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve. Wilbur Cosgrove, do you expect anybody to believe that? I'll leave it to the druggist here. Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve is a phony name if I ever heard one. Well, now that you've mentioned this... Eve! You'll have to admit it's unusual, Throckmorton. I've been looking for you since 1938. Please, madam, stop shaking your purse in my face. Let me explain. Say, Doc. Who, me? Do you know what this overgrown jumping bean did to me? No, I don't. Fourteen years ago, he left the house to go to the drugstore first of all. And I haven't seen him since. I've never seen you before in my life. I am Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve, and I can prove it by the children at home. Children? You bet. Two. Married again, eh? Now you're a bigot. I am not. I'm a bachelor. Then where did you get the children? They're my sisters. Wilbur Cosgrove, you never had a sister. Oh, my goodness. Pass your trunk. We're going back to Duluth. Madam, I've never seen you before. And I've never lived in Duluth. No, I'm not the only thing. Come on out from under the counter. Pee-Vee, help me. Explain to this woman. You don't have to explain anything. Just come home. Pee-Vee, tell her I've lived here since 1941. Tell her my life's an open book. You know I couldn't be her husband. I know. I wouldn't care now. What? Like you said, how do I know what you did before you came to Summerfield? With mistake, me for her husband. And she isn't fooling. Shouting and shaking her purse at me. No wonder Wilbur left home. You know, I'm George. I'm going to see my lawyer. I'll build judges in. George! Well, good morning, Gilbert. I'm looking to show you. You have? This picture I clipped out of yesterday's paper. It looked just like you. I know. That's what his wife thinks. What? George, Mrs. Cosgrove is in town. She thinks I'm a long lost husband. She does? Well, that's ridiculous. Of course it is. And you've got to help me prove it. Well, that should be very easy. I myself have known you personally since... let me see, 1941. Well, she claims her husband disappeared in 1938. He did? Gildy, I just thought of a very amusing possibility. Hello? You could be her husband. Judge, be serious. That woman can cause me a lot of embarrassment. Is that why you left her? No, you listen to me, you old goat. Very well, very well. Apparently, you don't see any humor in this situation. I'll say I don't. Well, a trained legal mind such as I possess can clear you in a jiffy. You start clearing trained legal mind. All we have to do is prove where you were when she claims her husband disappeared. Yeah, that's right, Judge. She claims I was in Duluth, but I was really in Oshkosh. And what were you doing in Oshkosh? Well, I was an elastic inspector. Elastic inspector? Yes, for the farmers and merchant suspender company. Fine, we'll contact them. Oh, wait. This had a horrible thought. They went out of business during the rubber shortage. Oh, that's too bad. But there must be someone in Oshkosh who can vouch for you. Well, oh, there was Bert Bradbury. He's manager of the elite rooming house. Well, you send him a wire. I'll get him a typewriter and compose a telegram. Good for you, Judge. You're true blue. Thank you, gal, babe. Now, you just relax. You have nothing to worry on. Yeah, I can see that now. Guess I got a little excited. Well, that's understandable. Yeah, what the heck? By now, Mrs. Cosgrove probably realizes I'm not her husband. After all, I know she may be on her way back to Duluth. Answered. What do you get? I'm busy at the thought, Brad. You got it, Judge. Judge Hooker's office. Judge Hooker. This is Mrs. Cosgrove. This is Cosgrove. I need a lawyer. Oop. This one's mine. Go find your own. Great Gilda's leave will be back in just a minute. Need help with your Lenten menu planning? Then try Velvita, Kraft's famous pasteurized processed cheese food. Velvita's melting Velvita is perfectly wonderful for cooking, not only for omelets, souffleys, and casseroles, but for a marvelous smooth golden cheese sauce, too. A cheese sauce you can pour over seafood or vegetables or toast or serve any number of ways. And this Velvita sauce is easy to make in a jiffy. All you do is melt a half pound of Velvita in the top of your double boiler. 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Well, they say no two people are exactly alike, but it seems the Great Gilderslee resembles one Wilbur Cosgrove too closely for comfort. Anyway, Mrs. Cosgrove is in town, claiming the water commissioner is her missing husband. Of course, the Great Gilderslee has never been married. That is, we don't think he has. How do I get into these things? The idea of a man having to send a telegram all the way to Oshkosh to prove who he is. Well, I'm gonna sit right here at home until I get my answer from good old Bert Bradbury. They don't dare go out. That woman in town isn't safe on the streets. Hi, Margie. Hello, Margie. Are you staying home today? Yeah. Don't you feel well? No. Yeah, I mean yes. Yeah, I mean sure. I feel fine. You look a little pale. Well, it's been a cloudy day. Was there something wrong? You don't know. You better keep this from the kids. You, uh, you aren't hiding from anybody, are you? Me? Of course not. From whom would I be hiding? I've paid my income tax. Ask me what, Lira? About the woman. All right. What have you heard? Auntie, who is this woman who followed you into Mr. Peavey's last night and accused you of being her husband? So Peavey spilled the beans. Margie, that's all a horrible mistake. Who's? Hers. I never saw the woman until last night. How could I run away from her in 1938? Oh, of course you didn't. Heck no. About that time I'll bet you were up in Canada with a mounted police. No, Leroy, I didn't say I was in Canada. I said it was possible. Well, it's possible you could have dropped down to Duluth. It isn't far, you know. Leroy, when you were pushing me to tell about my adventures, I said I could have done these things. Then you could have married her. I could not have. Excuse me, Mrs. Margie. Yes, Bertie. Have you asked him yet? Yes, Bertie, they've asked me. Yes, sir. He says he's not guilty. Of course he's not. None of us are really worried about it, Bertie. I am. I've got an extra aunt floating around. I want to know about it. Leroy. Mr. Guilty, you've got nothing to worry about. Even if you have her husband, which you ain't, and she proves it, which she can't, the worst she can do is throw you in jail, which she can't, cause you ain't. Bertie, I'll try to remember that. Well, it's just too bad she had to come here. I think it's keen. Now he's living dangerously like Leroy Cosgrove. Leroy, don't use that name. Why don't you go to the newspapers with the story? Well, the police. How can it? Hey, I wonder if it is the police. I hope it's what I think it is. Auntie, do you suppose it could be that woman? That woman! You bring it in, Bertie. This will straighten out everything, kiddies. Well, who is it from? Here you are, Miss Guilty. What's up, huh? Well, your old uncle's pretty true. This telegram's from an old pal of mine, Bert Bradbury. It'll prove I wasn't in Duluth in 1938. I was an Oshkosh. Auntie, you're how clever. Yeah, yeah, let's see what it says here. Bert Bradbury and Doc Morton peagullous leave. Unknown at this address. What? Oh, too bad, Auntie. What happened to Bert? Right. She looks like the only person who knew where Uncle was in 1938 is Mrs. Cosgrove. Leroy! Guilty. If you don't stop tasting nothing down the room, you're gonna wear a hole in that carpet. Really, I don't know what to do. I keep running into blind Alex. Well, if that woman was after me, I'd head for the open road. If I can't leave town, Bertie, that'd be an admission. Yes, sir. And let the Guilty be you in no position to admit nothing. I even called Oshkosh long distance. You know, one of the didn't know Bert Bradbury and me. They tore down the boarding house for a pickle factory. All the pickles ain't in Oshkosh. There's one right here. You say that again, Bertie. Bertie, you better get the phone. Yes, sir. It could be that woman. You'll be dressed in. Is he in? Well, yes and no. Who's calling? That answer's no. Just went out. It's her, all right. You are? Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Goodbye. Well, Bertie? I told you he was out, but for some reason she thought I was stupid. Nice try, Bertie. She's down at the corner and she's coming right over here. Oh, my goodness. And she sounds like she's loaded for bath. Well, she can't intimidate me. No, sir. I'm innocent, Bertie. I'm not guilty of being married. No, sir. The only thing to do is to have it out with her. I'll stand on my own two feet and battle her toe-to-toe. Mr. Gilfield, if you don't mind me putting in my two cents worth. Yes, ma'am. Sometimes when you're crossing angry women, she just gets angrier. I know, because I'm a woman. I suppose you're right. What you need is time to clear things up. And you've got to keep a pacified while you're doing it. Bertie, how do you pacify a buzzsaw? It will be the next door. I don't want that woman here. Okay. Take her out. Treat her to dinner. Keep things going smooth until you get your evidence. If you got anything. Well, that makes sense. Yes. Yeah, you bet. I'll be nice to her. Above all, I want to get her out of the house before Marjorie and Leroy come home. So, doorbell. This time you get it. Start hard for you to sleep. No, Wilbur. Well, Mrs. Cosgrove. Sorry I wasn't available when you called. You've been trying to avoid me. Me? I thought I'd better come over and grab you before you skip town again. Close the door. Sit up. Oh yes, the door. Where are the children you talked about? Well, they're not here. I thought you never said didn't I? No, Mrs. Cosgrove. Stop calling me Mrs. Cosgrove. You know my first name. Oh yes, Susie. Sarah. Yeah, well yes, Sarah. Sit down, Sarah. Over there. Let's sit here on the couch. Couch? You don't mind, I'll sit on the piano stool. Oh, Wilbur, stop being so standoffish. It seems to me that after 14 years. Well, there's plenty of time, I hope. You have a nice place here. Do you make a lot of money? We may not go back to Duluth. Wouldn't you like to show me the upstairs? No, Mrs. Cosgrove. Sarah, don't take off your hat. Why shouldn't I make myself at home? I thought we might go out to dinner. You talk things over. See the town. Go dancing. Well, that sounds like my old Wilbur. I guess if I'm going to live here, I should see the town. About to, Wilbur. Let's remember I'm Throckmorton P. Gillesley. Wilbur, let's not go through that again. Well, look at it this way. Whatever my name is, I'm known here as Throckmorton P. Gillesley. So please call me that. All right. I'll call you Throckmorton. But. But what? If you try to skip out on me again, I warn you. I have your elephant gun in my hotel room. The elephant gun? Yeah, I bet you'd use it, too. Some along, you little wifey. The whole Miss Guilfrey's breakfast, Miss Marjorie? I don't know, Bertie. He didn't get in until late last night. I wasn't so sure he'd go make it at all after she mentioned that elephant gun. I've got to go start it back. I've got a wonderful feeling. Oh, you were waiting. Yeah, coming, my dear. Hi. Good morning. Good morning. What a beautiful morning. Oh, everything must have worked out fine, Auntie. Yeah, what happened? Well, I decided the way to get along with Mrs. Cosgrove was to be nice to her. Oh, then Bertie's idea worked. Bertie's idea? Well, she did think of it. But it took the old master to really make it work. Who's the old master? Me. Oh. And I don't mind admitting that I was at my charming best. Oh. You see, after Bertie's idea started to work, I added one of my own. Since that Wilbur was always running out on Mrs. Cosgrove and not paying any attention to her, I decided to be just the opposite. I showered her with attention. Dazzled her with witty sayings. Witty sayings? You? Yes, indeed. Don't think your old uncle can turn on the personality, my boy. Last night, I was a regular Don Juan. I even sang in her ear. Oh, brother. Well, I did that because I found out this fellow Wilbur couldn't carry a tune. He didn't even know how to dance. How does he feel about things now, aren't he? Well, actually, by now, she must realize that I'm not her dull old Wilbur. You call a guy who's been in the foreign legion and a submarine captain dull? Leroy, you can be dull in different ways. Oh, I know. Wilbur may be a whiz in the field of adventure. You know, I'm talking about charming the ladies. When it comes to that, I'm a real charm ball. You all right, Bertie? Well, good for you, auntie. I think it was a very clever scheme. Thank you. My only concern is that she may prefer a man like me to Wilbur. Excuse me. A message from Miss Cobb Grove. Well, I guess she's leaving town and wants to thank me for the big evening. Come on, read it. Read it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, listen to this. I'm returning to Duluth this morning. See, what did I tell you? Let's see what else she says. After last night, I'm convinced that you're not my Wilbur. Hey. What did she say, auntie? Nothing important. Let me read it. Leroy, give me that note. So, wait a minute. Oh, boy, listen. After last night, I'm convinced you're not my Wilbur. My husband could never be such a dull, unadulterated cornball as you were. Leroy, give me that. The Great Gilder Sleeve will be with us again in just 30 seconds. How nourishing can a sandwich be? Well, let's see. A sandwich made with velvita, Kraft's famous pasteurized processed cheese food gives you twice as much protein and vitamin A as a six ounce glass of milk. One and a half times the calcium and riboflavin and three times the phosphorus. Imagine, so mother make delicious nourishing sandwiches with velvita, the quality cheese food is totally by Kraft. Well, do you feel better tonight, auntie? Much better, knowing that woman has left town. Imagine that cornball calling me a cornball. It wasn't very nice of her. Silly woman. Things she could frighten me with that trumped up story. I wasn't worried. Not for a minute. Takes more than a harebrained newspaper story to ruffle your old uncle. Yes, indeed. Hey, aunt, listen to this from the paper. They got a report on Wilbur Cosgrove. Oh? He sat here in the paper. He was seen warding a train in 1941. Yes. And a railroad employee reports he got off at Somerfield. Somerfield? According to latest information, he obtained employment at the Somerfield Water Department under the name of Prof. Morton P. Gillisley. I did not. I mean, he didn't. Don't you believe it? Here, let me see that paper. The classified section. Leeroy, you made that up. What a family. Good night, folks. The Great Gillisley was played by Willard Waterman. The show is written by John Elliott and Andy White and is partially transcribed. Included in the cast are Walter Tetley, Mary Lee Robb, Lillian Randolph, Noreen Gamil, Earl Ross, and Dick Legrand. Musical compositions by Jack Beacon. This is John Easton saying good night for the craft foods company, makers of the famous line of food. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday for the further adventures of the Great Gillisley. During the Lenten season, most people are thinking about making special sacrifices and helping their fellow man. But let me ask you, have you made the smallest and yet the most important sacrifice of all for your fighting men in Korea? Have you given a pint of your blood recently? No matter what may happen in Korea, the Army is the most important sacrifice No matter what may happen in Korea, the armed forces must continue to receive blood from the American people. Truth talks aren't nearly as important to GIs already wounded as blood and blood plasma. So tomorrow, be sure to call your local blood donor center for an appointment. Next, Groucho Marx presents You Bet Your Life on NBC.