 The Jack Benny program. Quality of product is essential to continuing success. At 40, 45, sold, American. Lucky strike means fine tobacco. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Quality distinguishes a man. Lucky strike means fine tobacco. Yes, lucky strike means fine strike tobacco. Fine tobacco, lucky strike. What you wouldn't give to be 45 again, Cookie? You're welcome, Poopsie. Oh, hello, Phil. I didn't see you come in. Hiya, Jackson. Well, I wanted to surprise you. Do you notice anything different about me? Let's see, a new tie? Lows these shoelaces you gave me for Christmas. The proper spirit, you know. Well, Jack, I hate to bring this up, but you didn't think of me. You didn't give me anything for Christmas. Oh, yes, Don. I ordered a nice gift for you, but it didn't get here yet. See, they're having a little trouble at the Montgomery War. And listen, kids, now that you brought it up, that was a fine present you all chipped in and gave me. Hmm, a gift certificate for a dinner at the Thrifty Drug Store. Good, but I kept slipping off the stool all the time. Anyway, kids, Christmas is over, and after our program, I want you all to come over to my house and see the new year in. Boy, am I gonna have fun. Oh, sure, sure. What do you mean, oh, sure, sure? You'll have fun, all right. You'll have a cola, two 7-ups, and one Dr. Pepper. Then 10 minutes later, you'll put on a lady's hat and holler, yee-hee! What? Then you'll have two fingers of Dad's old-fashioned root beer and Rochester will have to carry up the bed. What are you kids talking about? You're the only one I ever saw that drinks champagne out of a spoon. Now, listen, kids, I may be that way all year, but when it comes to new... Oh, hello, Larry. Hello, Mr. Benny. Happy New Year. Same to you. I'm glad you got here, kid. It's time for your song. What about my New Year's resolution first? Sure, kid. What is it? Well, I made a resolution never to ask you for a raise unless you gave it to me voluntarily. Well, well, whatever made you think of that. It's on page 84 of his contract. It is not. Anybody that works for me can ask for a raise anytime they want to. I can't help it if the government froze salaries. You know, you're not a bad little refrigerator yourself. All right, but the next time you want a raise, ask for it yourself. Don't send Alice and the kids around. And where do they get those ragged old clothes? What a corny act they put on. Pollutions. It wouldn't hurt if you made a few yourself. Mary, I've already made a resolution. You'd be surprised if I told you what it is. No kidding, Jackson. What is it? Well, I made a resolution that from now on I'm going to be friends with Fred Allen and never say anything against him. Ah, Jack, that's really swell. You're really being magnanimous after all the things that Allen said about you. Oh, Don was all in the spirit of fun. Allen was a nice guy. He never meant those things. It was just for laughs. Yeah, you're right, Jackson. But I'll never forget the laugh Allen got when he said you squeeze a nickel so hard you get milk out of the buffalo. He was sharp that night, didn't he? Oh, did Allen say that? Yeah. What a sense of humor. And I'll never forget the time Allen said that you're so bow-legged and your girl is so knock-kneed. When you dance together, you look like a mixed master. What a sense of humor he used to have. What do you mean, used to have? Well, that guy's mentality is so low he has to lie down to think. Jack, your resolution. And with those bags under his eyes, his face looks like an old pair of pants with the pockets inside out. Jack, your resolution. I've still got till 12 o'clock. Thanks, kid. Well, I think of some more. I hope I get some beauties before midnight. Believe me. Now, ladies and gentlemen, as is our custom every year at this time, we will present our annual New Year's Play entitled The New Tenant or Goodbye, 44, Hello, 45. As most of you will remember, this is an allegorical fantasy that takes place... Hey, Jackson, just a minute. What do you mean by allegorical fantasy? Well, for instance, Phil, did you see Dumbo, the little elephant with the big ears? No. Did you see Ferdinand the Bull? No. Well, did you see the Reluctant Dragon? No, I haven't had a drink in three months, Jack. I'm trying to get away from this stuff. Well, I'm not going to explain it to you, Phil. You'll understand it as we go along. And that last thing you said is a lie anyway. Now, in our... Not even in the script. Now, in our fantasy, I will again play the part of the old year, 1944, who has been living in a big boarding house called the United States, which is run by Uncle Sam and his wife, Columbia. Hey, Jackson, am I going to play the part of Uncle Sam? Yes, Phil, you'll wear a bright blue jacket with white stars on it and red and white striped pants. And all I ate are five people who think I'm Bing Crosby. Never mind. Now, Mary, you play the part of Columbia. You'll be Phil's wife, and you and Phil have 48 children. Holy smoke. Now, they'll really think he's Crosby. Let me explain it to you, Mary. Your children are the 48 states. You see, each state is a child. Oh, Jack, how could I possibly have 48 children? Mary, you were born in 1776. Oh. What are you laughing at? I look pretty good for an old babe, don't I? Not bad, not bad. Now, Don... Yes, Jack? You play a very important part in tonight's fantasy. You're going to be the world. The world, huh? Yes. And loosen your belt, Don. Your equator is strangling South America. And now, folks, this play will go on immediately... Well, say, Jack... Yes, Don. Come here a minute. I want to show you something. What is it? Well, if I'm the world, then my chest must be the United States. Uh-huh. And right over here, a little to the southeast, is Goldsboro, North Carolina. Right here? Oh, pardon me, Don. I didn't know my finger was cold. Well, anyway, Jack, this little town of Goldsboro is right in the heart of the tobacco country. I know, Don, but we've got a play to do. And it's here that they get those finer, lighter, golden leaves of tobacco and make them into lucky strikes, cigarettes. Well, that's fine, Don. And that's why that slogan, LSMFT is so true. But, Don, I can't see what that has anything to do with our New Year's play. You see, LSMFT stands for Lucky Strike Means Fine Tobacco. Yes, Jack, Lucky Strike Means Fine Tobacco. Don, that happens to be a statement of fact while our play is an allegorical fantasy. There's no connection. Oh, I'm sorry, Jack. Well, that's all right, Don, but don't bring it up again. Until next Sunday. Now, button up your shirt. Goldsboro's getting goose pimples there. And now, ladies and gentlemen, our annual New Year's play will go on immediately after a music... Oh, darn it. I'll get it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny, this is Rochester. Oh, hello, Rochester. What is it? You can bring your guests over any time you want. I just finished making the punch. The punch? That's good. But, boss, I lost your recipe, so I used mine. What's your recipe? Simple and direct. First, you put in a gallon of grape juice, then you start pouring in the gin. Uh, how much gin? Till you can't taste the grape juice. My goodness. That ain't all. Then you start pouring in the bourbon. Bourbon with gin? How much bourbon do you put in? Till you can't taste the scotch. Scott, what kind of a silly drink is that? Scotch, bourbon, gin, and grape juice. Get rid of it immediately. Okay, I'll see if I can drain it out of the washing machine. The washing machine? Rochester, I left my new shirt in there this morning. I know, boss. I noticed it after I poured in the stuff. Well, for heaven's sake, take my shirt out. It's too late now. There's nothing left with the buttons. Rochester, this is the worst yet. At least you can take out the buttons. Oh, boss, they're so happy I hate to disturb them. Well, I don't know what to say now, Rochester. Don't monkey with it anymore. I'll be home right after the broadcast. Okay, goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say, boss. Now what? Can I leave about 10 o'clock tonight? I'm going to a New Year's party, too. No, Rochester. Every time you go to a New Year's party, you always stay out so late. Oh, I'm going to be back early this year. What time? About Thursday. Well, all right, Rochester. New Year's Eve, enjoy yourself. But before you go, in fact, before I get home, I want you to empty that punch out of the washing machine. It's too dangerous to have in the house when you... Don't worry, boss. As soon as I hang up, I'll... I knew it. I knew it. The punch exploded. Rochester! Rochester, what happened? Rochester, are you hurt? Not unless I make a bad landing. Rochester, where's the punch bowl? I don't know. Ladies and gentlemen, for our annual New Year's play entitled A New Tenant, or Goodbye, 44, Hello, 45. As the curtain rises, it's almost midnight of December 31st. An old man, 1944, is packing his bags and ready to make his exit. Curtains, music. Come here a minute, please. What do you want, 44? I've got to gather up my things before little 45 gets here. Hand me those, will you? Are these yours? Yep. These are my old-timer bobby socks. Well, I've had my moments, you know. Now, let's see. Might as well pack those racetracks. They ain't gonna be used for a while. See, there's Bay Meadows. Here's Hialeah. Yep. And here's Santanita. Say, I never knew they had a $10 window. And what else? Oh, yes, hand me that bundle of swing music. Here you are. Thanks. I'm going to dance with the dolly, with the home, with the stocking, with the hole, with the stocking, with the hole, innerson. Sloppy little day, ain't she? Oh, clang, clang, clang, went strolling. Ding, ding, ding, went the bell. Hello, old-timer. Oh, hello, Uncle Sam. Where you been the last few weeks? Oh, I've been all over, all over. I've been delivering Christmas presents to all my nieces and my nephews. Well, Sandy, got here just in time to say goodbye to 1944. Yep. In a few minutes, I'll be leaving you. I'll never be back on earth again. Gosh, I kind of feel sorry for you. Why? Now you'll never know what happened to Snowflake and Shaky. I was looking for you yesterday. Where were you? Well, around up the West Coast. The one to ask Henry Kaiser what's cooking. Uh-huh. And between Watts and cooking, he launched three ships. Ship, Sam, just get the man to sail him. You're all set. Well, I better finish my packing. Let's see. Maybe I ought to take along some of these moving pictures. You want to take going my way? I've already seen it. No, I better leave that. I want little 1945 to see it. With all the problems he's going to have, that picture will do him a lot of good. Well, how about taking Jack Benny's new picture? No, that's going to be one of his problems. Well, what do you know? It's the world. Come to say goodbye to me. Yeah, I'll miss you, old timer. Lots of things happened to me while you were here. That's right, world. We had 365 exciting days. Yep. What's your last last, world? Remember last month when I birked and Tokyo had an earthquake? Yep. Say, world, your earthquakes shook them almost as bad as my B-29s. You're right, Sam. Say, world, why don't you hang around until a new tenant arrives? Sure, say a while, world. Sit down on the refrigerator. Grow off your Arctic circle. Say, Columbia. Yes? Tune in the radio. This will be my last chance to get a little entertainment. Okay. You're listening to another broadcast of Mr. Keen, Tracer of Lost Persons. The next case is that of a man named Benito Mussolini, alias Hilduche. A sure way to identify this fugitive is to get him up on a high building and show him a balcony. If he steps out on the balcony and makes a speech, he's Mussolini. If he steps out and there is no balcony, let's hope so. I wonder where he's hiding. Oh, I wouldn't want to. I wouldn't worry too much about him. His trouble-making days are over. Yeah, I'll get another station. And now that you have answered the first one correctly, would you like to try the $2 question? Yeah. The $2 question is a simple one. Oh, by the way, what is your name? My name is Adolf Hitler. But for $2, you can call me Schickelgruber. All right, Adolf, would you like to try the $4 question? Yeah. No coaching from the audience. All for the next question. Tell me, Adolf, who won the battle of Stalingrad? Germany. I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer. Wrong? Schweinhol, you called me wrong. Adolf Hitler can't be wrong. I want to be right. I am Hitler. I am thinking you are thinking that because I do have problems. I am crazy. I am not crazy. I am Adolf Hitler. I am one of the greatest. Well, well, well, well. Get another station, Columbia Schickelgruber seems to have lost control of himself. And now, Mr. Anthony, we have the case of Mr. H. All right. Well, Mr. H, step up to the microphone. Your name, please. My name is Hirohito. I live in Imperial Paras, which is located in what is left of Tokyo. And you have a problem? Yes, Mr. Anthony. I went into partnership with a German in a war. First, we were winning. Now, we are losing. Almost every day, the big 29 fly over Tokyo. And now, I wish I had never listened to that German that no good... What's your problem? Well, Tommy, and the world's greatest air force and the world's greatest navy, then please tell me, Mr. Anthony. Yes, Hirohito, because you and your whole gang are a bunch of dirty no-guts. No name! Maybe you have a problem, but it's of your own making, and I cannot nor would I give you any advice, any consolation or any hope for the future. And if you'll excuse the expression, scram bum! Turn it off, Columbia, shut it off. Don't go and look at that clock. You just got my dudge together. That's the first stroke of 12. Wonder what's keeping the new tenant? Don't worry, he'll show up, he always does. Say, here's a tip for you, Sam. You worked hard during the time I was here and you did a good job. But I want you to work even harder for the little fellow that's coming in. Well, don't you worry, old timer, I'm really rolling now. Time's a fleeting, but I can't leave till that little shaver gets here. That must be him now. Yeah. Come in. Well, it's the little new year. Hello, Sonny. Hello, old timer. Isn't he cute? Just look at the size of him. Yeah. I bet he doesn't weigh much more than Sinatra. What's that you got under your arms, Sonny? Some forms I'm going to try awfully hard to get signed this year. Yeah? What are they? Well, here's the most important one. It says un... un... How do you pronounce these big words? Let's see it. Oh, that says unconditional surrender. Well, I hope you get him signed during soon. Hey, kid, I want you to meet Uncle Sam and his wife, Columbia. Glad to know you, folks. Hello, Sonny. Hiya, bub. You ought to have a coat on with them diapers. It's pretty chilly tonight. Yeah. I sure was cold the first night I got here. Say, bub, I almost forgot. This is the world. I want you to meet him, too. Hello, Son. Hello. See you at the world, huh? Yes, sir. Gosh, there's enough room on him for everybody. There are a couple of fellas that are trying to hog it all. They ain't never satisfied. Now, sit down, Sonny. I want to show you my album. A few pictures I took while I was here. Now, here's a family picture of a bunch of Uncle Sam's nephews. Say, they all look alike, don't they? Well, they do in those uniforms. But let me tell you something, Sonny. They're doing a great job. You can be proud of each and every one of them. What are their names? Well, I don't know them all, but there's a fella named Jones. Here's another one here, O'Reilly. There's a kid called Spinelli. Right next to him, see that colored boy there? Uh-huh. His name's Johnson. Right in back of him, that's Lopez. Right alongside of him is a fella named Ginsburg. And the fella way over on this end here is Peterson. All good Americans. Now, Sonny, here's a picture of another group of Uncle Sam's nephews. Now, these boys felt just like you did. You know about the world being big enough for everybody. These boys, just like the others, went out to do something about it. Gee, they look like the kind of fellas that would do a good job. They did more than a good job. Too bad they can't come back to tell you about it. And listen, Sonny, one of your jobs is not to forget what they did. And here's something else you don't want to forget. What's that, sir? Well, you got to see that Sam's nephews and nieces here at home stay on their jobs and keep giving blood to the Red Cross. And never stop buying bonds until you get that paper signed. You know, the one you brought with you. Yes, sir. And another thing. Say, old time, you better get moving. Wait a minute, wait a minute, don't rush me. Oh, by the way, son, Uncle Sam's got a nephew called Franklin that's been taking mighty good care of me. Any, Sam? He's a dirt tootin'. Keep an eye on him, son, and give him all the help you can. Franklin, eh? I'll write that down. Well, my time's almost up. Got to be leaving now. Goodbye, Junior. So long, Pop. Goodbye, Sam. So long, old timer. Well, here I go. Goodbye, 44. So long, Columbia. Keepin' flyin'. It takes fine tobacco to make a fine cigarette and the tobacco used in Lucky Strike cigarettes is fine tobacco. Witness independent tobacco experts, men like Mr. Charles W. Jenkins of Bowling Green, Kentucky, who said, As a warehouseman, I have seen Lucky Strike by the lighter, naturally milder tobacco, and so I have been smoking Luggies for 24 years. The next time you buy cigarettes, remember Mr. Jenkins' statement. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, so round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. The famous tobacco auctioneer's heard on tonight's program are Mr. F. E. Boone of Lexington, Kentucky. At 45, at 45, sold American. At Mr. L. A. Speed Rigs of Goldsboro, North Carolina. At 43, at... Battle rise, Dale, speaking for Lucky Strike. S-M-F-T. L-S-M-F-T. L-S-M-F-T. Yes, sir. Right you are. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, so smoke that smoke of fine tobacco. Lucky Strike. This is the National Broadcasting Company. K-F-I, Los Angeles.