 Oh, thank you, wow, what a flusy. By the time this video goes up, it will already be my birthday. I am 30 years old today. I am very excited. I made one of these videos last year where I talked about 29 life lessons I've learned in 29 years. You guys seem to like that video, and I don't do that kind of thing often, so it feels like something nice to do today for my birthday, because I'm excited. I realize that that video contains a lot more weird advice than actual advice. I'll put a little more advice in here, but I mean, it's still me, so it's still weird, but here we go. Here's 30 life lessons that I've learned in 30 years. Roomba vacuum cleaners are not for people that have dogs that go to the bathroom on wee wee pads. My dad sent me a Roomba a few years ago, and I got really excited, and I took it out of the box and let it vacuum around on the ground. It's like a little circle robot that just goes around, and it went right over a big pile of poop, and the little brush on there continued to spray poop all over the rest of my house. Took me like a solid hour of cleaning the whole thing to get all the poop out of it. I wish someone told me that before, so I'm telling you. Good lesson to learn. I wish I didn't learn it. If you're currently in school, might I suggest keeping a group journal, not like a burn book or anything crazy like that. But like, I would write an entry, and then I would pass it to my friend, and she would write an entry, and then we'd pass it around our circle of friends, and it was hilarious. And in the back, we would keep like a tally of which boys we liked, so we made sure we didn't like the same guy, you know, it was really awesome. I would give anything to read that group diary again. Like, I know you guys have group chats and whatever you guys do now, but like a physical journal that you can look back on someday is something I would highly suggest because I wish I could find that thing. It was amazing. Unless someone else finds it, in which case you're fucked. If you have a bathtub that's also your shower, take five minutes and just buy a bath mat. I spent so many years showering in a slippery bathtub and almost died hundreds of times. I finally got a bath mat, and I can't tell you how important it is to just get a bath mat, okay? It's not worth it. Bath tub awareness, 2K16. I don't know why I didn't get one before. I just thought slipping and almost dying was part of my daily shower routine. When I was younger, I was dating this guy that was like all wrong for me, and I confided in a friend about it, and I was like, what do you think I should do? You know what she said to me? Just because you know something isn't right doesn't mean you can change the way that you feel. That's not how your heart works. And I think about that all the time. Sometimes whatever seems logical isn't the right decision because it's not how your heart works. I mean, we broke up a while after that, but I'm glad that I made that heart decision to stick around for a little while. If it's your 21st birthday, don't let your friends get you one of those necklaces with a shot glass on it and let them pour whatever they want in it and make you drink it. It's terrible. You just end up drinking the worst mixture of all kinds of alcohol and the little hole where the beads go through like makes it so it spills on you every single time you drink it. It's terrible, miserable, awful. Don't do it. Never, ever, ever, ever go on an all-carats diet. I did that for a couple of days in college. I was crash dieting and decided I was only gonna eat carrots. It doesn't work, it's disgusting, and it's awful. Also, don't ever make up a diet and then decide that's your diet. It doesn't work. Always know that however bad you think you have it right now, someone's always got it way worse than you. Good way to do this is just turn on the news really quick. But I personally learned this one time in college and parts of the story have been changed for privacy reasons. But we used to all sit around the kitchen table and we would call it negative town and we would just sit there and take turns bitching about whatever was wrong with our lives and our super quiet friend just sat there one time and just listened to us for hours. Bitching in negative town. And we were like, all right, your turn. What do you have to complain about? And she said to us, well, I went home and I hooked up with a guy and now I have herpes and I can't afford the medication so all I can do is just lay in the bathtub and cry because it hurts. And we adjourned negative town forever. Sorry, it's not meant to be funny but we adjourned negative town forever. We literally never had a negative town after that ever again. Negative town was adjourned forever. Somebody always has it worse than you. Just don't even bother complaining. Never say something behind someone's back that you aren't completely willing to say directly to their face. It'll keep you out of a lot of trouble. And also when the person comes to you and says, hey, did you say this about me? As long as it's something I said, I'll say, hell yes I did. It's relatively easy for me though because I do not shy away from confrontation. I'm a fan of it because sometimes it's necessary. Yeah, sure, people don't like it and sometimes it's out of line and uncalled for. But you know, at least I said it to your face which is a lot more than a lot of people can say. You should try it. Get new shoes every once in a while. I used to be firmly on team no new shoes ever. I wore the same pair of sneakers from seventh grade until my sophomore year of college because I liked them. Even in the snow, just throw a sock on. No traction, fall down all the time. Didn't matter, these are my shoes. It got to the point where a friend of one of my friends stopped her and asked her, is Jenna okay? Does she need money for shoes? Because these are very concerning. But you know what happened? I ended up hurting my feet a lot and parts of my calves and shins from just having really inappropriate footwear on all the time. If you're anything like old me and just don't wanna let go of your shoes, just do it, man, okay? You're gonna hurt your legs and your feet and then your back and then your neck and it's gonna be bad, get new shoes, okay? This is a little cliche. But whatever it is you don't like about yourself, just try the best you can to embrace it. When I was in middle school, you know what I didn't like about myself? My butt, because it was the 90s and it wasn't really a cool thing to have a big butt for your body, you know what I'm saying? That's a picture of me and I thought my butt was so big and I was so embarrassed. I was like, oh, terrible. But guess what? Fast forward to now. Girl, you gonna be okay. When I was in middle school I knew so many girls that hated their eyebrows because these pencil thin 90s eyebrows were all the rage. And guess who everyone wants eyebrows like now? Hairy eyebrowed people. So if you don't feel strongly enough to change it about yourself, which I encourage you to do, just maybe give our culture a little bit of time to catch up to how beautiful you are. Just the way you are, fam. Know what I'm saying? Know what I'm saying? You got a good butt. Know the moment to be done with something. I'm a big believer and you don't commit to something unless you can fully commit. Like I was never allowed to quit anything ever. You have to see everything through to the end. So I'm still like that as an adult. But the moment I learned this was when I was younger. I was on a competitive gymnastics team. I was getting ready to do the vault. Well, I was so tired that I ran full speed, hit the springboard and ran directly into the vault. And I just remember not being able to breathe, looking up at the ceiling and being like, gymnastics isn't the sport for me. I know I think I'm done. So now in the rest of my life I always look for those moments where I have run into the horse and knock the wind out of myself because that is my done time. It's a good thing to learn. If you're ever presented with an opportunity to move to another place, take it. Whenever I've moved somewhere, I like to tell myself, well, I already know that I like where I was. And if after a year or so, I hate where I moved to, I can just move back because I know that place is always gonna be there. But I know too many people they regret never moving somewhere new. So just move, just pack up your shit, get in the truck and move. I know it's a little more complicated than that but just think of it that way and it makes it a lot easier and way less stressful and not as crazy. Sometimes you just need to be in a place where you just don't know anyone and you just have to go figure your life out. That's when you'll learn who you really are. You have to spend a lot of time with yourself. Don't ever try to flush a pork chop down a toilet. Doesn't work, trust me, doesn't work. A really great way to kill a spider, probably if you're outside, is to take a lighter and then something aerosol and make like a blow torch and then like torch it to that. It's just something I figured out. Don't be ashamed of your humanness. One time Glozel came over to my house and we had just sort of moved in and there was still stuff everywhere and it was kind of a mess and I was like, I'm really sorry for this mess. And she was like, no, don't apologize for the mess. That makes me feel comfortable. Those people's houses are too clean. I don't trust those people and she's right. I don't trust those people either. I used to be so embarrassed if there was like messes in my house it felt like people were judging me. But I'm not ashamed of it anymore. I'm a human being, humans live in this house and sometimes there's messes, deal with it. You know what's cooler than doing what all of your friends are doing is not doing what all of your friends are doing. One time when I was in middle school I had multiple friends that decided that they wanted to read the dictionary in its entirety and I seriously considered doing it until I was like, you know what, fuck that. And then I was the only one not reading the dictionary and I just sat there and spaced out at lunchtime while they've read the dictionary. It was dope. I mean, you can apply that to a lot of things but that's the one that comes to mind. Like fuck reading the dictionary, dude. I'm gonna sit here and space out. It's gonna be a far better use of my time. If you're ever up really late and have to be up really early in the morning sleep sitting up is what I do. It's just sort of uncomfortable enough so that you wake up easier and it looks hilarious if anyone sees you. If you ever feel like you're gonna pass out make sure you tell someone that you feel like you're gonna pass out. I'm getting better at it but a lot of times when I'm in like hospitals or getting blood drawn, I've made the mistake in the past of just quietly falling over. Don't just fall over. Makes people kind of mad sometimes. Like I got yelled at by a doctor like why didn't you tell me you were passing out? I don't know, I was blacking out. But you can, I've done it successfully. I've told someone I'm passing out right now. I think it's just the effort that they appreciate. If you ever start seeing tiny little moths in your house like you saw in my house a while ago just take your whole rug and just throw it out the window. Holy shit, just take my word for it. They're in your rug and they're not leaving until you make them leave. Always give credit where credit is due. I learned this in college where you literally get expelled if you don't give credit. Not everyone goes to college, I understand that. But one of my teachers framed it to us like this. Nothing about giving credit makes you look bad. If anything, it makes you look good by citing your sources and having valid places to get information. Especially on the internet where I feel like internet culture just thrives on credit. Just give somebody credit. Just look at Melania Trump. If she had started that speech with Michelle Obama once said, there'd be nothing wrong with that. But instead she chose not to give credit where credit is due. It's not a good look. Always give credit to people. It also makes people feel special. So do that too. Don't ever try a new sport if you're severely hungover. First time I tried water skiing, I hit the water and it threw up and then I had to float in a puddle of my own vomit until the boat came back around and picked me up. It's gross. It's not worth it. Just say you can't go or something. Always do the right thing unless it doesn't feel right. I'm an altruistic law-abiding citizen and I found myself at a moral crossroads one day when a disheveled looking man walked past me in the grocery store in the liquor aisle and I watched him shove a bunch of beers inside of his jacket and in his pants. He turned to me, made full eye contact with me and I sort of stood there and was half laughing. Thought, should I tell someone? But it didn't feel right to tell someone. You know why? Because karma is real, but it's not always your job to make sure that it gets served. Is he gonna get in trouble eventually? Yeah, there's like cameras and people that work there. I'm sure it's not the first time he's done it. Look, he looked like a pro at it, but the right thing to do is to be to tell someone. Hey, I saw that guy shove a bunch of beer down his pants but in that moment, on that day, when we locked eyes, just didn't seem right man, it's not my job today. You know what? You seem like you're having a hell of a time and I think the best thing for me to do is to just keep it moving. I'm not gonna snitch. Always do the right thing unless it doesn't feel right. I'm still very happy with that choice and I hope that he's doing well. Try your very best not to get too stressed out about anything. I'm guilty of this at times and it has very real consequences as I'm sure a lot of you know, but I'd like to share one of those consequences with you and my friend's gonna kill me. But my very best friend who's getting married next week was apparently so stressed out about the planning of her wedding that she developed a little twitch in her eye and thought it was nothing, so just carried on and it turned into like a whole face twitch. I'm selfishly hoping that she still has it when I get to see her next week, but you know, this is what happens when you don't just de-stress. One thing I like to do is just slow down the time any way possible. I like to lay down outside and just stare at the sky and think about nothing, except for aliens. If you ever break your toe and you know it's broken and you don't really know what to do, just don't go to a doctor. Just like let it heal by itself and then it'll heal fine just like a little less bendy than it was before. That's what I did. I'm a doctor now. Speaking of doctors, they're just people with opinions. You don't have to listen to them. I've been to lots of different doctors in the past that just tell you things that just don't quite seem right, just don't listen to them. Sure, they've been to school for like a whole decade or whatever, but you've lived with your body for your entire life. Just see another doctor or just do whatever you think is right. Then just leave them a bad review on Yelp. It's fun and cleansing, especially if they deserve it. Don't ever try to nare or like shave your little sideburns here and then put fake tan on it. It looks crazy. I went to a wedding like that. Everyone was like, what's wrong with your face? I was like, do I look like I wanna fucking talk about it? Take lots of pictures and videos all the time and save them forever. It's different now with like phones and everything, but I always tell that to people with puppies. I'm like, take a thousand pictures because it feels like you do, but then when you look back, you're like, oh man, really wish I just had more pictures to look like this. Like whenever I travel, I end up taking a lot of pictures of like what's around me and not enough pictures of like me and who I'm with and like the memory making part, you know? It's really boring when you're going through your photo album from when you travel and it's just like all places that you can totally Google better pictures of. You can't Google pictures of you and your friends. Always know which goals and dreams to pay attention to and which other ones to just not pay attention to. For example, hurling a large strawberry milkshake into an oncoming subway is something that I dream about daily, but I'm not gonna do it. I know a lot of people that don't know the difference between dreams you should do and dreams you shouldn't do. Hang out with them sometimes, not all the time, but just know that we all have them and know which ones to do and not do because some of them are just, you're gonna get arrested. And lastly, don't ever trust your lights because they'll just commit suicide and kill themselves whenever they want. Now it's time for ghost stories. Who's ready for Halloween? Now I'm just kidding. Lastly, and sappiest, I'd say. I know a lot of people that use the word regret and live with regrets. And I just disagree with that 100% because I feel like whatever choice you made in the past, you made the best choice that you could, given the circumstances and any possible moment that you could make. And if you just shift the word regret into, I made the best possible choice I could at the time. You don't have to live with any regrets. And it also helps me understand other people and why they do the things that they do. They're just making the best possible choice for them. I don't have to think about why or what they're doing. I don't have to think about it. It's so incredibly liberating to not have any regrets and also sometimes just not be mad at people because they're just doing the best that they can just like you. You know what I'm saying? I apologize that this ended this way but this is just the only way to start off my 30th year. Just how my life always is. Why would I expect this year to be any different? And thank you for another year of even giving a shit about me as a human being and I appreciate you. I hope that you liked this video and subscribe to my channel. I make new videos every Wednesday slash Thursday and I'm gonna go enjoy my birthday now, right? We'll see you guys next week. Bye. My only regret in life is that my face doesn't look like this permanently all the time.