 ومن آياته أن خلق لكم من أنفسكم أزواجا لتسكنوا إليها الحمد لله رب العالمين له الحمد الحسن والثلاء الجميل واشد أن لا إله إلا الله وحده لا شريك له يقول لحق وهو يهد السبين واشد أن سيدنا ونبينا محمد صلى الله عليه وعلى آله وأصحابه والتابعين لهم بإحسان إلى يوم الدين أما بعد نحن في سلسلة نحن نتحدث عن سيكرات عن how to have a successful marriage ونجد أن نقول قبل قبل وقلنا أن نفعل ذلك بمتكلمة عن ناريشن من the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم لذلك نحن في حالة الحديث الواريدة ناريشن الذين يأتيون من المسلم صلى الله عليه وسلم بمتكلمة عن سيكرات قبل قبل ناريشن نحن في نهاية نحن في نهاية نتحدث عن استخارة إن شاء الله وطعالة سوف نتحدث عن another very important topic that a person needs to understand it is a big factor that can either contribute to the good of your marriage or either bring it to destruction and that is مجاء في المهور matters that have come pertaining to dowry this as you all would agree is a very important issue the issue of dowry عمر رضي الله تعالى عنه he said عمر رضي الله تعالى عنه he said صداق النساء عمر رضي الله تعالى عنه do not go extreme with regards to the dowries of women لا تغلو صداق النساء فإنه لو كان مقرمة في الدنيا أو تقوى عند الله he says that if it was a sign of honor and dignity in this world the dowry if it's a sign of dignity in the sight of الله تعالى أو تقوى عند الله or a sign of piety before الله تعالى كان أو لاكن به النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم then محمد ابن عبد الله the messenger of God has the most befitting in this affair صلى الله عليه وسلم or in other words you have done it before you if it was an issue that would bring you dignity and honor in this world or it's a sign of piety before الله تعالى the Almighty then the Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم would have done it before all of you and he would have preceded you in this but look what the narration says ما أزدق رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم إمراءة من نسائه إلا أتمراءة من بناتي أكثر من ثنتي عشرة أوقيا that the messenger of God عليه وسلم did not give any of his wives and not any of his daughters were given more than 12 أوقيا 12 hours the Prophet عليه الصلى الله عليه وسلم he did not give any of his wives nor was any of his daughters عليه الصلى الله عليه وسلم given more than 12 أوقيا and look what the Prophet said after that or sorry what Omar said after that because Omar now he's if statement is talking about the waka and the reality of the messenger if the issue of dowry is honor and dignity in this world and if it's something that's going to bring you piety and you're going to gain taqwa from it then the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he would have preceded you in this and he would have been the first to do it he صلى الله عليه وسلم never married a woman 12 أوقيا nor did any of his daughters married more than 12 أوقيا 12 hours and look what the Prophet said Omar رضي الله عليه وسلم Omar رضي الله عليه وسلم he said وإن الرجل لا ينغي بصدقة مرأته حتى يكون لها عداوة في نفسه that Omar رضي الله عليه وسلم a man may increase the dowry until he feels resentment against her towards his wife he's with her and he feels resentment towards her وحتى يقول أنتو he says to her كلفت لكم علق القرب قربتي he says to her you cost me everything I own you cost me everything which I own everything I have I give in your way you see وكنت غلاما عربيا ولدا فلم أدري ما عالق القربتي and he goes I was a man born amongst the Arabs but I did not know the meaning of علق القربة so I now got that was the dowry that they would give to women I didn't know all of this amount and this I was a young kid but getting married to you it brought me into what? financial it brought me into a financial deficiency I'm now married to you but he has resentment towards her and this is the reality and it's the reality of many marriages that the people have the man marries the woman and he doesn't love his wife he believes he got married to me for my money our love is not genuine do you see عدا وانمت he enters both of their hearts so he has resentment towards her he feels like every day he has to work double shifts to pay off the dowry that he got married to her with do you see with that if it is a state حديث also the rate in صحيحة المسلم that a man came to the messenger عليه الصلاة والسلام and he said يا رسول الله إنه تزويت في معتن I married a woman I'm sorry from the woman I'm sorry and the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم he said هل نظرت إليها did you look at this woman before you married her did you cast a glance at her and the man said قد نظرت إليها I cast a glance at her I quickly looked at her then the prophet ﷺ said على كم to the witch to her how much have you married her on what was the dowry in which that you were demanding to come with the man responded by saying على أربع أوق I was told to come with 4 أوق there upon the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم and said to him على أربع أوق 4 أوق and then he says كأنما تنخطون فضطة من عرضين هذا الجبلي ما عندنا ما نعطيكه ولكن عسد أن بعتك في بعثب تصيب باله then the prophet ﷺ said it seems as if you dug out silver from the side of the mountain like he was trying to say that that this is why you are prepared to pay such a large amount for dowry it's because this woman سبحان الله it's like you took a server from the mountain from the edge of the mountain but the prophet ﷺ said to him we have nothing that we can give you to help you in your dowry we have nothing then the prophet ﷺ said there's a possibility that we may send you on an expedition عسى أن بعتك في بعثب تصيب باله and from this expedition you may get booty from it so the messenger ﷺ فقط بعتك بعتك إلى بني عبس then the prophet ﷺ then the prophet ﷺ an expedition came and he sent the man off which he then dispatched he dispatched him to the people of بني عبس and he gained his dowry from there as we know that the dowry in Islam it didn't restrict it it didn't place an amount to it and the man and the wife whatever they agree upon is what the person has to pay but what Islam mentions is that the barakah in the dowry is in the fact that it's small that it's little and the greatest dowry that a person can ever ever set was already set and it was the dowry of Um Sulayn in which he set towards طلحة بالعليدي الله and this was استابة البداني رضي الله رضي الله he said narrating from the American he said خطاب أبو طلحة أم مسليم أبو طلحة he married Um Sulayn فقالت she said to him والله ما مثلك يا أبو طلحة يردو the likes of you is not rejected a person like you and no caliber إنه لا يستطيع مني أن تأمر لك هذا ليس شيء ما يتعلق لك وإن تسلم في ذاك المدري لكن إذا تأخذ الإسلام و تأتي إلى الإسلام الله أكبر هذا هو منك وما أسألك غيره و لا أسألك أي شيء أخر than that لا أريد أي شيء أخر than that منك إذا تأتي إلى الإسلام هذا هو منك فأسأل ما هو أن تأخذ الإسلام طلحة العنصاري طلحة العنصاري اسمع طلحة العنصاري طلحة العنصاري هو أن تأخذ الإسلام فأسلم هو أن تأخذ الإسلام فكان ذلك مهرحة نقب كيم هتاوري ثابت البناني و هيسان فما سمعت بإمراءة قطن I have never heard of a woman of a woman واتسربة أتأكرة ممهرة من أم مسري من الإسلام فدخل بها فولدت منه I have never heard of whatsoever A woman whose diary was more greater from أم مسري إسلام was her diary and he entered onto her and she gave birth to a child for him لذلك الإمام النسائي رحمه الله تعالى because he is the one who wrote this story in Islam and he chatted a babfurt and he said باب تزوج على الإسلام مهرحة أو تأخذ your marriage condition or your diary باستر الإسلام هل يمكن لها to a person to make the Quran their condition هل يمكن لها to a diary of a woman to be the Quran because she said I will marry you based on the Quran that he married a man of wherever he had from the Quran wherever he had memorized from the Quran that was the diary in which he married the woman with so if the man doesn't have any financial ability he's got no money the Quran can be a diary for the woman but it's very strong that we ponder on this particular issue we're at a time where people have become so materialized and it's become sad that the woman her diary would be something mind cannot comprehend and it's sad because if this is somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with and you want to spend your time in this world would it be you to pleasure to see him struggle after marrying you to pay off your diary isn't it the person who you love and you want to be with and you're going to be the father of your kids if this is the case and this is what you really genuinely feel then the مهر wouldn't be something very very high because as أم رضي الله عمي ستيب and mentioned that this increases resentment that the man later will feel that this woman has took in him for a ride without a shadow of a doubt it's been seen that a lot of people whose diaries are so expensive ended up having the hardest marriage that could ever be even if they don't go separate ways because some sisters would say the reason why I placed my diary high so the guy doesn't divorce me but what benefit does it have if you're living a hard life if you're forcing him to stay with you by making your diary very high but if you're living a very hard life together if you're struggling what benefit does it have what value does that have are you stressed you know he's stressed he has resentment towards you you're starting to hate him now because of the way he's dealing with you and that is why the Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم states that the best of the diary is that which is little there's barakah in it so don't increase and you have to remember the part that our Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم عليه is trading on with the part he's trading on to his own self and for his own daughters is there not a part better than that for you he's صلى الله عليه وسلم the best of creation عليه الصلى الله عليه وسلم never married a woman more than 12 أوكيا عليه الصلى الله عليه وسلم عليه الصلى الله عليه وسلم and his own daughters who are better than any one of us and his wives are better than us he didn't marry them off more than 12 أوكيا and a lot of people this is their argument they say our tribe we don't marry our daughters if we don't marry our daughters off cheap it's more of a dignity issue and it's more of a it's an honor our tribe our people this is the way we are I remember صلى الله عليه وسلم this is a story I remember two sisters one's old and the other's younger one old one younger I saw them I realized two sisters one sister the older one she got married and the dowry the dowry of the guy that she got married to was ridiculous I don't remember right now how much it was but it's something very very ridiculous because remember within the صلى الله عليه وسلم the dowry is always mentioned in the in the open everybody knows the people who are there can hear what the dowry is is it like that in the Asian community it's said out loud of the the sheikhs doing it so that's how it's like in the صلى الله عليه وسلم so everybody will know what the dowry is it scales the dowry so the older sister's dowry was something at that moment I remember when the sheikh mentioned it and the people in the gathering we all remember we looked it was it was mind boggling we were gobsmacked years went by or a year went by maybe and her younger sister got married okay her younger sister got married and her younger sister got married with something very very small very small you see that also it was of our attention as well how small her dowry was something very very small like it was so small I don't think it would take that man a long time to to pay her whatever it was very very small you see I remember in the gathering discussion people started to talk about it you know gossiping people gossiping about it the first one look how honorable she was look how how good she was look how she's her dignity and her honor and she looked after the reputation of her family so the young one was rebuked that she was scolded and she was belittled like senator missing in years went by the first one the first one her marriage fell apart the man ended up giving her the dowry whatever it was her rights and her marriage was a chaos the second one بليلا الحمد لله is still married but hasn't gone separate ways with her husband I mean every marriage has ups and downs but the second one is still in her marriage and her husband and her are willing to work on all of their hardship and the struggles that they are having they're willing to work on it and I'm not saying in any way form or shape but the reason why the first one's marriage collapsed is because of the dowry and I'm not saying the second one the reason why her marriage is still continuously going on is because of the dowry I'm just saying that the dowry plays a factor it may not be the main factor but it's a part of what Allah تعالى تعالى places you know what the love becomes genuine people love each other for who they are who you are the woman is not going to be a what what do you say when a woman loves a man for money when they hold again that is it the woman's not a gold digger and she's not in this marriage for something she's not in this marriage because of the money that becomes the case then later what happens whenever she realizes that he hasn't got the money he's not making that much money she's going to be the first to leave him but what is also not allowed to be done is no one who ever that person may be no one is ever allowed to cut down dowry no one is allowed to restrict it it's something Allah did not restrict however honorable that person may be this is something Allah and his messenger left unrestricted and it's the rights of the woman to set wherever she wishes as her dowry it is wherever she wishes to set as her dowry and that is what the dowry is going to be if they both agree upon it he has to pay that dowry and no one can say how dare you set that dowry but what we're coming from is the angle of this is what's most virtuous this is what's going to make your marriage last more and this is from the secrets that give you a successful marriage شاء الله تعالى we're going to stop at this particular hadith for today's session anything which I have said that was wrong شاء الله تعالى سبحانك الله من بحمده أشهد أن لا إله إلا الله أستغفرك واتوب إليك