 Being a cop. Mm-hmm. Being a cop. Is that your safety helmet, son? That's my workout, pal. Dude, deal with it. All right, son. So we'd like to get the three trooper burgers, please, and I heard y'all ran out of soda pop, so... Y'all got juicer now? Can we get some orange juice? Two orange juice and an apple juice. We don't... We don't normally sell processed pussies. We don't sell orange juice. You have to figure something out. What do you want? So juices for pussies? Is that what you're saying, son? No, not juices. Juices for pussies, y'all hear that? Currently, I was in juice with my apple pie. My nephew loves juice. Yeah, my two-year-old son loves juice, too. What do you have left over? For pies, we have the licked rim job and the cream pie. You have to choose. Okay, well... Order for me, corn wood. Yeah, surprise me, corn wood. Okay, well, let's get something light. You know, we gotta keep watching my figure and, you know, I don't want these two folks getting no food come or nothing. Let's go ahead and get... Let's get six rim jobs, three milkshakes, a cream pie, two cream pies. Go ahead and get three Harfstaffers, two bleeders and a torpedo. Two more Harfstaffers and one more milkshake. Negative, I cannot get to that yet. I'm a milkshake one or two? On one behind, it'll be my next one. Son, did you get the order? We'll have one available. The machine broke earlier. The machine that makes the milkshake is broken. We'll have two of them. Soda machine broke. The juice isn't here. Now that I've got no milkshakes, what the hell kind of establishment is this? It's a fantastic announcement. This is starting to sound like a Dan McDonald's. It's not a McDonald's. This is starting to look like a Dan McDonald's. Ghost writer. Every time I go to McDonald's, the damn ice cream machine don't work. I just want to say I'm proud of you for rehabilitating and getting a real job, son. Oh, thanks, pal. I got to clear my debt. Otherwise, I'm going to get deported to SSB apparently. SSB? Yeah, they're going to deport me over there. You're not going to XYZ country. They specifically said you're being deported to that very location. I don't know what it is. I don't want nothing to do with it. So I don't get a job. The only place more dangerous than Guadalajara until you want to combine is SSB. They said it's worse, actually. Yeah, it's worse. I don't understand. I heard it's lit. Whatever that means. Oh, yeah, I don't know what that means either. Up. Makes me proud. Sister works. Look at this guy. You're doing good, son. I'm actually proud of you. Oh, thank you, man. Makes me proud. Sister works. Look at this guy. Yeah, he's got a job. Wow, so funny, guys. Trying to be an upstanding citizen. You're doing good, son. I'm actually proud of you. Oh, thank you, man. Now, those burgers were covered with love and compassion. I would appreciate if you guys ate them slowly, had a good time, and give us a feedback on our survey. Thank you. Sounds good, son. Okay, guys. Buy a burger. I would punch you. You're supposed to do this. Do it again. If you didn't work for the police, I would come right up behind you. I bet you would. I would punch. I would come up there. I would go really close to that burger face. I would punch it. What are you pointing at? Son, can we help you? Hey, what the fuck, man? Hey, you son of a bitch. 633 from Dispatch. Once you're wrapped with that scene, you're probably going to want to see this report and or speak to this young woman. She was apparently present for your situation. Son, what the hell did you do that for? What Mr. Cromwood said to me? Acceptable. What up, you dumb motherfucker? Stop resisting. What are you doing? Why are you doing this? Right now. LSPD, stop. Go for cuffs. Get them. Stop those cuffs on. Well, Mr. Cromwood said to me he's unacceptable inside. What the hell did I say to you? What he said is disgusting. What did I say? Unprofessional and outright inhuman. I bet it was. Now repeat it for me, please. How about you think it was cuffs off? It's a little misunderstanding. How about we give you a citation for vandalism during property and we take it loose after it? I want to punish him much worse than that. Son, I want you to apologize. That's not happening. Give him the citation. I want the apology, son. You're going to apologize to me. We need to keep him in perpetual debt so we can keep funding the prisons that we keep throwing them inside of. Where do you think this money goes? Say I'm sorry. The citation for $1,000. Say I'm sorry and I love you to me. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. What was that? Speak up, son. Don't mumble, don't mumble. Speak up, son. Tilt your helmet down a little bit and speak up. I can't hear you now. Say it right. Speak up, son. I'm sorry. I need to grab some water. Son, we won't have any more problems. We have a nice day now. Alright, thank you. Son of a bitch, stop resisting. We got Jean Paul. What's the fuck is this? Stop resisting. Hands going to your back. He's resisting. Do not enter that vehicle. Son, I didn't want to have to do this the hard way. Okay. What? Stop resisting, you asshole. Do not enter that car. That's right. I got him. Ow! Good work, officer. Cuff him, goddamn it. What the hell? I don't even know anymore. Let's do this the right way. Give the cops up and try again. Give them a chance. Mass, you want to handle this? Yeah, sure. Alright, X. You get one more opportunity, okay? One opportunity, one dream. Give the car, come on. Did you know, guys, that listening to you dumbass talk is literally a subject that is a mental torture? Because it's so stupid, dumb and ugly that it hurts my eyes and my ears that I'm listening to you guys. I'm serious about this. X, what are you talking about? I feel like we have nothing but fair with you, right? Watch your head. You stole me out, man. You guys took your time and shit. Okay, I'm going to stop talking until I'm in now. Alright, I'm going to stop cuff you, okay? Don't be stupid. Don't grow a brain. Thank you. Wait, you want a bench trial? Is that right? No. You're sure? If it went to court for something, you guys would try to use the argument against me. Are you establishing a behavior pattern or something about me? I'm doing the same with you. You stole me out, you're going to do it again in bench trial. That's a pattern. Therefore, put me in my corner, so... X, if you want a bench trial, we can make that happen. Not doing it. Okay, alright, fine. Alright, what about cooperation? You tell us we get that gun from, maybe we can drop a charge or two? Nope. Okay, I mean that's your choice, you know? Alright, come over here. Dig what off? Oh, the handcuffs. I'm reaching in and gently grabbing your wrist as I unfasten your shackles. Thank you. Hello? Apologies sir, we have to... You've broken quite a few laws and we have to figure out which ones you broke so that we don't go to prison ourselves for mistreating you. You're going to jail. I mean, I am in jail right now. Just not behind bars. Not behind bars. Okay, kind of. Alright, I got your choices ready, X, you ready? Yeah. You're looking at one counter to a running. One counter to a running. What the hell, y'all okay? Are y'all okay? We got shots fired, we had X had a gun on him. We need EMS. What the hell are you doing, son? He didn't get that gun from us. Son of a bitch. I'm sure. He was searched thoroughly, sir. He was searched by me, Court and... Lenny. I want to tell you this before I'm dead. I'm sucking. Say it. Please say it. Don't worry, okay? Why the fuck didn't you take the gun off of him? He didn't have a gun. If we took his gun, I had his gun in my bag. It's not your fault, Lenny. It's not his fault. What is he doing over there? I was sucking the blood out. Put your gun away, Cornwood. Hold the injuries on him. This gun just saved my damn life. No, I literally took the gun from him. He checked in with us. It was a glitch. Which one's doing with the worst off? Hey, son, don't worry. I'll take care of him just like I took care of his ass earlier. Lenny, calm down. Relax, Lenny. Talk to us, Lenny. That's sexual. That's sexual harassment. I'd like you to stop doing that, please. Cornwood, get the fuck over here. I'm sucking the blood out. No, don't suck shit out. Come over here. I'd like to file some charges with myself. I guess so. Sexual harassment for Cornwood here? No, I was sucking the blood out and making sure he didn't die. All right. Sir Cornwood, he laid down his reproductive organ on my back near my buttocks and proceeded to do a up-and-down motion replicating a masturbation on him to me. I was rubbing his leg while I was sucking. I was cuffed. I was down and he did it. I did the same thing. I did the same thing to Officer Hawke. He forced himself onto me. I'm going to be honest with you. If I forced myself on you, I don't know if I could force myself off. Now, you can tell the jury that. I ain't quite as nimble as I used to be.