 Yo, we are here at Sunburn Free, we're in Brixton Jam, please make some noise! On the day, on my left hand side, please make some noise for my man Juan, let's go! Tox on my right hand side, medium Jake! You're gonna get straight into this, it's round one and one, let's go man! In this battle, he'll claim that my nan's on some G-Shit, that my dad has no penis, that my sister shots coke and hightograms and her cleavage. And you might all clap and laugh like the man is a genius, I'm just confused about where he heard all my family secrets. How do you do what I hear you ask? Well here's what I have found, him and Letty have started their own spy gang now. I caught Letty with binoculars outside my nan's house shouting, I caught Letty with binoculars outside my nan's house shouting, J, she's got a stump leg, you better write that down! We talked about my mum's career as a bar man, now so everyone about your baby daughter's guitar band. We talked about how my uncle's a yard man, now let's suppose your baby mum for looking like Tarzan. But I dare you, I fucking dare you, talk about the extra finger on my aunt's hand, and there'll only be one thing for it, the Juan bang. When I was gonna talk about your family, I'd rather do some extra cool penmanship, plus by bringing them up I didn't think I'd get the full benefit, and I realised I'd probably call my mum a testicle specialist when it comes to battling Big J, I guess it's all relative. But it shouts out to Letty though, the two on twos you did with him are sick. My only issue is this, with every written he's fit, you have a giggling fit. Let's watch all the two on twos, skip to Letty's part of course, J watches him attentively, a smile on his face starts to form, Letty drops a funny punchline, the crowd will gasp and roar, J heels over like this, and starts to laugh some more. Smiling from ear to ear till his cheeks are partly sore, beaming like a spastic, and the crowd just can't ignore, they start looking at you like, what the fuck is he still laughing for? You were host together for months, you must have heard that bar before. You've lost weight now, you just go. So you've gone from fat to quite fat, gone from fat to quite fat. Huge one bro, cos every time Letty told a new mum joke, you'd laugh so much that you'd lose one so. That's why in terms of swagger, mine's amazing, but yours, highly basic, and since you've lost weight, your old tees are just kind of draping, busses eyes and shapes reminding Jacob Refreshman Cypher playing, cos with the state of those XXLs, it's hard to know what the designer's saying. That's wild, that's wild. It's catch 22 when J tries bars. So when you spit a bad bar, everyone rolls their eyes to the back. When you actually spit a good bar, the crowd are too surprised to react. Simple shit. It's like you write your script and switch it with your little kids' bit and chips. Try bars against Harry, and then we saw your wig get split when Baker's Fire killed you. Like it was 1666. GCSE history bars you've done. You've done no foreign lives this shit. Younger viewers hit your boy up for some revision tips. Those are the worst colour converts I've ever seen. Practicing to rap. Before this battle got confirmed, you was probably acting out a duck. Before I wrote these rounds, I got my pen and tried attaching it to a strap. Cos I'm ready for this lyrical war. I've got a lyrical gun, lyrical bullets galore. I'll fire, but you won't even see it moving cos I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just shooting like a boss. It'll be like Raptop vs Soul. Cos I'll be looking awkward with a shot. But you won't catch me walking cos it's hot. But at home I've got two. One called Ian, one called Bill, but I ain't talking about shocks. I've got fucking brilliant wordplay. An amazing boss. Yours would make a whole crowd collapse. People fall asleep when you rap when I spit the whole crowd collapse. Has been shit as fuck since our last battle. Nowadays, it's full of a bunch of dickheads who act bad, but seem frightened when they see Trident or police sirens. I don't think your gay voice would ever suit you talking shit. So how could this guy ever seem frightening? But I'm not just calling you a dickhead. I'm putting all you motherfuckers like I'm doing a dance to Grease Lightning. You're fucking Charles the God's gayest fuck. I rolled up like you're going to fucking town. I was having a word with some of my rasta friends. I was having a word with some of my rasta friends. They keep hearing you say Bumbaclar. Why don't you do that again? You're starting to make my gang annoyed. They tell me to tell you that you're acting as a boy and it's just a fake gimmick that the fans enjoy. So they actually told me to tell you suck your mother your blood-bleed bat. And you're bad bars. You shouldn't let it slide, Bagnell. Because you go from English to Jamaican to Chinese. Sounds like you've had some very nice travels. All that lingo going to worse than the Evera slide tackle. I haven't heard a dialect that bad but it's the Gemini battle. If you just play stupid to make your character more convincing and strong, then now's the interview of you that I was clicking up on where you genuinely couldn't tell Hulk who the British Prime Minister was. There was a laugh behind the camera and a considerably lengthy pause. Hulk said it was David Cameron. Now I don't know if you know, but it's not him anymore. You have to be gassing me. A wannabe rasta that's stupid in interviews. You are actually Ali G. I don't know how he doesn't know what out of the EU. I realise there's no way Big J knows about the EU. He doesn't know about the referendum or when the next election's coming. He thought the in or out vote was to do with belly buttons. Spacebook biosetters. Hobbies and interests. Telling mom jokes that are quite offensive. Favorite books. The Liverpool Football Avenue from 1997. Political views. I don't really know much, but Bush did 9-11. When you battled Marguan, you paid for his flight in hotels so he could snore in bed. I don't like research. Turns out flights from Chicago to Heathrow aren't something most people can afford to get. I've got a little look from Skyscanner. Turns out flights are 1,400 to 1,500 more or less. In other words, about one and a half grand was spent on battle rap at your expense. Translation. You're a beg. Don't let the haters get you down. Keep doing what you do, Jay, from that convincing Jamaican accent to the glocks that you spray. With talent like that, I will give you any battle that you want to do, mate. Just as long as you pay. The AVW's coming up. Amazing, right? Hidden box, I am in advance like what you say in a fight. Luck's favourite in my tweet. Me versus him on the birthday, save sounds nice. I'll put some battle light. Yeah, I'll lock it in. Safe or right. The conversation ends. Jay gets hyped. Two days go by. New message. You are paying, right? And he's like, yeah, I've got to range the flight. I'll tell his luck so he can name his price. I'll tell his luck so he can name his price. If you're willing to spend that much on battle rap and let go of your salary, I've got a deal for you, Jay. I just hope that you can agree. How about if I let you win 3.0 in this clash with me, you pay for murder movie to come over and battle? A picture of your mum on Twitter. You're going to wish you never got to follow from big Jay. This right here is going to tickle everyone's rib cage. How can I look at the photo and thought, what? How was Juan's mum got a skin fade? No joke. I looked twice. It was no bloke. She loves that. Catch her in the back of family pictures with a buzz cut. I bet you thought rap was nice. We'll fuck you. Fuck your mum. We'll fuck her short back. If you had one shot... If you had one shot, if you had one opportunity, you'd have fucked the bitch or sucked the dick. It definitely sucked the dick. Look at face. I went on his Facebook and I clicked photos of Jake and I scrolled down to the bottom of the page and I saw something I couldn't believe. Probably something I shouldn't have even seen. But as a picture of your mate bent over with you grinding him with a big smile while you're holding his cheek so I scrolled up a piece. What? I see another picture of the same dude sitting on your knee. That might be normal for you, but that just seems a little suspect to me. There you go. Man, you must be mad if you think what a matter. Fuck that, I'll fold his chin. You said his bars are hard. Listen carefully or you won't notice him. Enough of fuck that. I'll make two lines go over his head like Homer's trim. God! Because you're a fucking waste man. So when you're with your waste man friends don't act like a G. Because you'll be holding your phone when the chrome's to your dome. You and me act like part of the trap when you're home and alone. See, you're going to get that student life in a house cold window, though. You can't beat me. It's round two in that one bangle you close to the ropes. See, they decide which way this wing goes but I'm calmer and relaxed. Because you're basically shuffle tea with Bama Lam's weird arms attached. Not him though, because with his clothes we can see the bigger picture like art attack. You saw him on YouTube back in the day when you used to get two views. Saw shuffle tea killing a posh boy angle and jumped into the picture like blues clues. I can easily start my rounds of high. I'm Big J. It's nice to meet you. Drop a hook on my beat the right will hit you. I'll throw eggs at your friends you hustle weed to. And you got a chin like shuffle tea shoe. And you're mad young. And I don't want to be looking like a nun. So I can't be cool with you. Your mum and dad went to the same school as you. I can't get angry. He's mad young. He don't want to see me vex. I just think it's proper funny when you play out you have to sabble your dad on the back of your BMX. See that right there? That was a put him in the hard spot. It's proper funny that when your dad passes driving test you have to buy him his first car. He's fucking you off until you ain't got no piece left. I spoke to Lefty and he said you ain't a G yet. You're just a prefect. I showed him one and he asked me one. I showed him one and he asked me if he's deaf. He did though. The way he's moving his arms is making him seem wet because the way that he speaks for them teeth to me is clear to see you ain't hardly a threat just partially deaf. Fuck you. Fuck Rob Wilson. When you say my name say it with some respect. For his next word will be the N word. It's not her fault though. It's Big E J that is to blame. When he reads her Winnie the Pooh he pronounces Tigger's name a different way. She'll start saying it all the time from when she starts elementary and class with her bezies inadvertently dropping it at dinner parties with Lefty. When you get home later she'll greet you with her M bomb instead of a high. After watching minstrel shows on the telly all night you go to sing of a lullaby and I bet she declines and starts reciting all of Big E Small's ready to die. You said the M bomb because your mate's OK there. But fuck those sneaky breaders. Fuck you. Fuck you. Some white folks said it was fine and you agreed together. That shit got me mad. I should have seen my temper. I was going to run up on you both and squeeze varetas but I suddenly remembered the hoax. Now I suddenly remembered that hoax the official spokesperson for all black people ever. I am. If that whole situation's fucked I'm still trying to figure it out because two things came to mind when you finished that round. Number one, you said the M bomb in a wrap out why didn't no one put him in the ground? Number two, Hope gave you a pass. Fuck I wonder if he's still given them out. You keep saying all these battlers sound the same. The interview's looking like a pissed off child. But then you copy Uno and Osh's jokes and sitcom smiles. It's like a it's like a Yeezy cat walk with what Big's compiled just line after line of that ripped off style. Because you're battling every week performing decent too. But nowadays you ignore the scene that fought your heaps of views. The more battles that you did the more that he would lose. There was Dan, Harry, Marv and they all had beaten too. You spent your year with Hitler's elbow where your daughter's needed you then took a year out when she saw your sweep was through. You didn't lose weight because you got bored of eating food but because Batboy was biting off more than he could chew. I've taken that. But you were so offended by Uno's third that after you did the clash you changed your profile picture to your daughter just to prove that she isn't fat. To drop facts. Uno doesn't have to drop facts. So eager to prove that she hasn't got flab. So eager to prove that she hasn't got flab. When people ask how her family life is the top dad you reply like yeah my eldest daughter is still not fat. We get it. She's not fat. There's no need for her to try to burn some calories. So you can stop using the word skinny to describe her personality. You know you've lost weight but you're still not medium sized. Are you fat or are you not? Please just decide. Because when I look at that necktart there's still a bit of flab where I can see at the sides. I guess that star tattoo's fitting because you're always going to be fucking meaty, all right? You've been pushing and since this the league's got shit up. Everyone can see but it's like they just make do. I was going to stop battling. I was keeping my head low to the grass but I see our bear snakes move. I see bears breaking through without breaking views in a year. The top tier can't even get 100K. You don't either so I don't know why I'm taking you. But now it's like I have to come back and get rid of the dead weight here too. You can never be better than me. Can you believe that? I'll rip this. Are you ready for some sick shit? I'll call my gun Emily Tilly because it's a big bitch. Don't flop is dying but don't worry I'm back and I'm going to kill this guy. I don't care who man is especially when his mom's rocking a Yunnan trip. See I'm a fucking G all these men seem to get peas but you looking like Donkey from Shrek just passed this GCSE and when I get high I smoke the best weed I can get. You get high by going to bars and sniffing other people's cigarettes. Like we're smoking in this game over soon as we get the package my eyes get so fucked I have to wear glasses on green like Edgar Davids and I bet you wish you didn't stand tall to toe bro punch to punch with me you wear a robe take a glass off look in the mirror pretend to be shuffle tea deceive me I'll be chilling where the fuck's at your whole life is based on chucking from a rug wrap three rounds in and it's not my best it's not my best I only open my grave start graveyard this morning so I've got bare space there I'm joking you don't know the slogan but you look like a owl