 Tomorrow the Jack Venice show leaves for a three-week trip to Chicago and New York. So let's go out to Jack's home in Beverly Hills where Rochester is helping him pack. Be careful how you fold it over the hanger, Rochester. Yes, boss. Careful now, I don't want any creases in it. Okay, okay. Now pack the other one. I don't want to be caught short on the trips, so I'll take all four of them. Five of you include the blonde one you're wearing. Oh, yeah. Now I think we ought to start packing your clothes. Okay, I'll take this one, and this one, and this one. No, no, this one. Uh-oh, be careful, boss. You're almost sneaking a suit where the coat and pants match. Don't let me do that, Rochester. I don't want to give Hollywood a bad name. Come on, help me with the rest of my things. All right, here you are, boss. Here you go. Rochester, just pack that underwear and stop playing games. Now hurry. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Quiet, Polly. Now let's see. You packed my aspirin, vitamins, blood tonic, nerve tonic, sleeping pills, liver pills, Listerine, benzodrine, tabloom, toothpaste, and sympathy soothing syrup. Oh, yeah, sympathy soothing syrup. Did you put in the 10-cent size or the 25-cent size? 10-cent size of gallon ought to be enough. Now let's see if I have everything for the trip. Socks, shoes, shorts, shirts, ties, hat, top coat, sandwiches, soda pop, and cash register. Now what else? Oh, yes, I think I'll take a good book to read. How about this one over here? Hmm, I stand condemned. Oh, I read that. It's a wonderful story. It's about a man who goes to the electric chair and leaves three lovely children, Sam, Louis, and a bispo. I'll take it alone and read it again. Now help me shut up these valises. Shut up, shut up. Quiet, Polly. Don't say such naughty things. That's a poofoo word. Polly, are you going to miss Daddy when he goes on the Dway Big trip to the Dway Big City with all the Dway Big skyscrapers? Boss, do you think you'll see Fred Allen? That's a poofoo word, Brad. Yes, I know. Now let's... I'll get it, boss. Hello, Jack Benny's resident. Star, stage, screen, and radio, and we'll drive you to work until the trolley strike is over. Yes, ma'am, he's almost packed. All right, I'll tell him. Goodbye. Boss, it was Miss Livingston. She said she'll be a little late picking you up. She's having some trouble with her packing. Oh, I'll bet it's that new maid she hired. Gee, Miss Livingston, I envy you going to Chicago and New York. Yeah, they're really exciting places, Hilda. Now let's see, I'll take this pair, and this pair, and this pair. Is Chicago really as windy as they say? Yes, and I'm glad you reminded me. I better take a couple of pairs of the lazy ones. Now look, Hilda, tell the gardener I'll be away for four weeks. Tell the butcher I'll take care of the bill when I come home, and you know what to tell the milkman. Yeah, that fresh guy. What? You know, the last time you were away, Miss Livingston, when I went to the door, the milkman threw his arms around me and kissed me, and I shook all over. You mean you were thrilled? No, he had a cold bottle on my back. Now let's see, I want to take along this lovely pair of nylon stockings that Mr. Benny gave me. Oh, they're beautiful. Mr. Benny bought them for you? No, he won them on the Queen for a day program. Hey, Miss Livingston, you certainly are lucky. Yes, they weren't his size. Now let's see, I ought to take something to read on the train. Why don't you take this book, Miss Livingston? It's the latest selection of the Book of the Month Club. Oh, yes, I stand condemned. I read the reviews last week. It's about a man who goes to the electric chair and leaves three lovely children, Sander, Mendel, and Journey. Gosh, that sounds like an exciting story. Yes. Say, Miss Livingston, could I go down to the station with you? You see, Alice Fay is one of my favorite movie stars, and she'll probably be there to say goodbye to Mr. Harris, and I'll get a chance to see her. Oh, I'm sorry, honey, but Alice probably won't be there. She's working at the studio today. Gee, I wonder how Phil's coming along with his packing with no one to help him. Now be careful and don't trip over the suitcase, honey. Well, thanks, baby. I'm going to miss you, too. Daddy, have you got another little girl in New York? Nope. Have you got a big girl there? Of course not. Never talk that way around your mother. Now, let's see. Oh, yes, baby, hand me that over there. This long-fin stick? That's right, and careful now. You don't break it. What is this stick, Daddy? It's a baton. What's a baton? I don't know. It's got something to do with music. I keep waving it, and the guys in the band keep looking at it, and since Petrilla don't object, I guess it's okay. Well, let me see. I guess that's all. Oh, Daddy, here's something Mommy told me to give you. It's a farewell present. For me? Gee. Well, guys, this is swell. Just what I've always wanted, a book. Oh, what's the name of it, honey? Ice and Condemn. Oh, yeah, yeah. I heard about that. It's all about a man who goes to the electric chair and leaves three lovely children. Win, place, and show. Now, let's see here. Daddy, where did Mommy mark that arrow on the cover of the book? The arrow? That's in case I pretend to read. I'll know which end to hold up. Well, I guess we've got everything. I better leave now, honey, so come on and give Daddy a great big kiss. But, Daddy, you promised you'd do something for me before you left. Now, honey, Daddy's late. But, Daddy, you promised. Ham, hearts, and turnip greens. You and me and your Orleans. And that's what I like about the South. Yeah. Daddy, you're wonderful. Yeah, I know. Goodbye, baby. No, Dennis, I absolutely forbid you to take it. You're too young. But, Mother, there's nothing wrong with it. Then why was this book banned in Boston? Ice and Condemn. There's nothing wrong with the book. It's all about a man who goes to the electric chair and leaves three lovely children. Bro, Mo, and Seltzer. Seltzer was just a little squirt. Enough of this discussion. Now, finish your packing. Yes, Mother. And, Dennis, be careful on the trip. Don't stick your head out of the window when the train is moving. Remember what happened to Cousin Wilbur when he went to New York last year? Yes, Mother. And if the train stops long enough in Kansas City, put some flowers on Wilbur's grave. All right. He's getting late. I better finish dressing. Please hand me my tie and shirt. That's the second son. I'd better pin this $20 bill on you before you put on your shirt. Hold still. There. Now, Mr. Benny will never find it. Dennis, what did you just put in your suitcase? Oh, that's my new contract for next year. Oh, I'm sorry you signed up again with Mr. Benny. But why, Mother? After all, Mr. Benny is a big celebrity. And Mr. Benny's a big radio comedian. And Mr. Benny's a big movie star. What's that stamp on the bottom of the contract? He's a notary public too. Dennis, are you sure you'll rehearse the song you're going to do in Chicago? Oh, yes, Mother. I know it by heart now. Would you like to hear it? Oh, I'd love to, Dennis. I'll accompany you. You'll accompany me? Certainly, Dennis. Before I married your father, I was the one man band that made your boss has catch one unit. A one, a two, a hit it. That was a... Gee, I'd better hurry. Look what time it is. Gosh, darling, I'd better hurry. Look what time it is. Are you all packed, dear? Oh, yes, darling. But what are you so sad about? Oh, just think. In one short half hour, I'll be saying goodbye to my dear, sweet, big, sadder. Nice, sweetheart. I'm only going to be gone a few weeks. Yes, I know. And, darling, I bought you a new proof to read on the train. It's called, I Stand Condemned. Oh, I've read that, dear. And it was so interesting. I bought the sequel to it. It's called, I Sit Contented. I Sit Contented? Yes, it's all about a man who smokes Lucky Strikes. And he has three lovely children, LS, MF and T. And why shouldn't he be contented after all Lucky Strikes are made of the finer, the lighter, the naturally milder tobacco? I know, darling. That's what you said to me the night you proposed. Remember that night, dear? We were driving through North Carolina. Yes, I'll never forget it. You look so lovely with the moon and the tobacco leaf in your hair. Oh, Donald, we're being so childish. Oh, by the way, Donald, didn't you say you were expecting a call from Mr. Benny? Yes, I can't understand why he doesn't... Oh, there's the telephone now. Hello? Hello, Donald, are you all packed? Oh, yes, Jack, and you ought to see my bags. They're so round, so firm. I know, I know. I'll see you at the station now. Goodbye. Well, my grips are all packed. How are you going to be gone? About four weeks. Then you ought to take some. I think so. I wonder how much I should take. I'll be gone exactly 28 days. There's 28 breakfasts and 28 lunches. What about your dinners, boss? Oh, I'll probably be master of ceremonies at a lot of banquets. You know. Oh, yes, we wrote those letters, didn't we? Yes, yes. Well, I better go down to the vault and get some money. Good lucky strikes for now under 25 years. Oh, it's you all, Mr. Benny. Yes, yes. How are you feeling, Ann? Oh, fine. Now that spring is here. It is spring, isn't it? Yes, yes, yes. It's very lovely out. By the way, Mr. Benny, I've been trying to recall something. Do you remember when you first brought me out here? Yeah. What was the name of that little dusty trail that led up to your house? Dusty trail? Oh, oh, that's Wilshire Boulevard now. I said I'm going to New York. Where? New Amsterdam. Oh, oh. You might not believe this, Mr. Benny, but I had a chance to buy that place for $24. Oh, well, it's worth a lot more now, you know. Inflation, I guess. Yes, yes. Well, I better open the safe now. Shall I go down to the lower level? No, no, Ed, no, I trust you. The combination is right to 45. Left to 160. Back to 15. Then left to 110. There. I wish Boulder Dam would step up the current. Let's see. There. I guess that'll be enough money. Well, Ed, I've got to rush down to the railroad station now. Goodbye, Mr. Benny. Goodbye, Ed. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Down here? Oh, yes. Yes, I forgot. So long, Ed. Hello, folks, Union Station. You go ahead, Mary. I'll catch up with you. Okay. How much is a driver? A dollar 65. Here you are, a dollar 65 and a dollar for you. Gee, thanks. Well, here I am. Gee, that was fast, Jack. Did you pay the driver? Yes, Mary. Here's your purse. Left it on the seat. Well, for a minute, I thought you used my money. Don't be ridiculous. Come on, let's go inside. Oh, by the way, Mary, you ought to get that zipper on your purse fix. It's stuck. It isn't stuck. I had it welded after our last trip. Now you'll have to have it sold, too. There's a hole in the bottle. Why, Jack, Benny, do me a favor. We haven't got time now. It's a big fuss over everything. Now, let's see. I wonder where the gang is here. Rain leaving on track. People stopping in Albuquerque. Please have your tickets validated. People stopping at Chicago. Please check your baggage all the way through. People stopping at Kansas City. Please put flowers on Wilbur's grave. Is everybody here? Where's Dennis? He's not here yet. Well, I hope he isn't late. Hey, Phil, why are you lugging that big bag around? Why don't you check it? Oh, no, no. Not this one, Jackson. I got my music in it. It's like the Concerto from Lost Weekend. Phil, you ought to be ashamed. Now, wait a minute. We're going to be on the train for four days. Four days with nothing to do. You kids can read. Yes, yes. I forgot about that. Attention, all passengers going to Anaheim, Azusa, and Kukamunga. Those going to Anaheim and Kukamunga will take the local. Those going to Azusa will board the superteam, walk back to the last car, and get off. A couple of magazines. Magazines? Sure, Mary. Wait here. I'll go over to the newsstand and get some. Oh, Mr. Mr. Yeah. He needs to read on the train. What have you got? We've got slick, pickpick, peek, look, hook, snook, judge, smudge, fudge, and the Saturday evening poll. Well, I think I'll just take this one. Esquire. That'll be 75 cents. 75 cents for Esquire, but everybody else only charges 50 cents. We throw in the scissors and thumbtacks. Oh, I think I'll take something else. I've got a good book you might enjoy reading. It's called I Stand Condemned. No, no, I've already... It's about a man who goes to the electric chair and leaves three lovely children. You should live so and long. I read that. Anyway, I'll take these magazines here. Thank you. Here you are, Mary. What'd you guess? The click, pick, peek, look, hook, snook, judge, smudge, fudge, and probda. That's wrong. Say, Janet, here comes Dennis. Oh, yes. Oh, you're a little late. Oh, hello, Dennis. My mother came down to see me off. Oh, hello, Mrs. Dave. Hello. Hello, Mr. Benny. Once my boy gets on that train, he's your responsibility. I know, I know. And when you get to New York, I want you to take better care of Dennis than you did last time. Don't be taking him to that place called Minsky's. Minsky's? Why, Jack Benny, did you take Dennis to a burlash show? Mary Minsky's happens to be the name of a delicatessen. Isn't that right, Dennis? Yes, sir. See? Oh, Mr. Benny. Yeah? Remember that third salami from the end? I wanted a bite to eat before we got on the train. Well, Mary, there's a little stand right over here at the corner of the station. I'll go get you something. Peek-a-boo in the middle and the mustard on top, just the way you like them and they're all red hot. Uh, two hot dogs, please. Ruffle porkies coming up. How much are they? 40 cents. 40 cents for only two hot dogs? Woo-hoo-hoo. But this week, I'm saving them United Nations style. What's that? English mustard, French bread, Russian dressing, and sold American. Oh, well, in that case, I'll take them. Okay, here you are. And here's your money. Thank you. After you finish the hot dogs, I'll give you back two cents for the skins. What do you want the skins back for? They are the fingers of my robber glove. I'm here. I better take some for the rest of the gang. Give me three more hot dogs, please. Okay. Do you want everything on them? Yes. Good. I just dropped them. Give me the hot dogs. Here's your money. Okay. You must have them. On track seven, the chief meeting for Kansas City, Chicago in the middle, and the little swastika. I feel like I'm leaving from a jukebox. Oh, yes. Goodbye, Steve. Oh, no, you don't. I came down here to get some pictures. Now, come on, line up, everybody. Bennett, you stand right here. But Steve, we... I'll take those roses and hold them up there in front of you. Roses, what are they for? They're going to put them on Wilbur's grave. I didn't even know Wilbur. Steve, the train is moving. That's fine. Come on, Dennis. Goodbye, Mrs. Day. Goodbye. Hey, I'll take good care of Dennis. And when we get to New York... You know, Benita, I can hardly believe it. But, Ronnie, it's true. You certainly get on the train. Yes, Ben is really gone. And we'll have four glorious weeks of peace and quiet. Benita! Ronnie! Ronnie, put me down. I didn't think it'd affect you this much. We've developed a fire-reaching program to help our veterans. And all America has concentrated on the job of Wilbur. Mary, next Sunday we'll be broadcasting for Chicago and the following two weeks from New York. Jack, when we get to Chicago, are you going to visit Walt Keegan? Yes, I have to, Mary. They begged me to come. I don't know why I'm so irresistible. There, I got it right. Now, let Alan make something out of that. Goodnight, Bill.