 listen it's the message right here black boy tell me how you really feel because i just want to build with you black girl tell me how you really feel i want to keep it real with you i want to live better eat better i want to love better sleep better yeah i want to feel so aligned with all the risk involved and i'll elaborate on that family court system like we said um custody and and all that stuff why should black men specifically remain enthusiastic about marriage and some of the stats to consider 50% of divorces around their end i mean marriages end in divorce 80% of which are initiated by the women while 100% of marriages are initiated by men so statistically speaking 100% of men are starting marriages 80% of women are ending marriages and 50 50 it's a 50 50 fool so why should men still be enthusiastic i also that's a skew it's that to say 100% of marriages are initiated by men but who's getting on their knees and proposing that's the initiation of a marriage yet i'm just saying you're negating the fact that some women post a minute what percentage i'm not saying i'm just saying one percent point zero five i'm just saying and like when you propose to her that's not the initiation of a marriage she has accepted so it's like 50% of people are initiating marriage as well as or 50% of male 50% of women no no accepting it is not initiate initiating is i'm going for this thing whether it's accepted or not is by the way but as far as starting the process men are starting the process as far as ending the process 80% are ended by women the proposal is not marriage it's starting the process because then you could say that the relationship and the marriage doesn't happen you could say that if the relationship didn't happen then the marriage is not going to happen girls aren't asking dudes out i mean that's not happening it's not happening at scale maybe you know something i don't but it doesn't seem like it's happening at scale with all those things taken into account why shouldn't men still be enthusiastic about marriage i mean i'm enthusiastic about marriage because i want to have one person that i can confide in i don't want to have to spare myself then so i think that isn't a gender-based reason i think that goes both ways i would want i would think a man would be excited to not have to worry about is this girl holding me out is this girl just using me for financial gains i mean it goes thinking happening marriage too it could i'm not saying it couldn't like it does happen in marriage especially with the court system i'm not saying it doesn't but like the same way that women can still be getting played in marriages like you can't just look at it from one side so like you would i would i am excited about marriage i'm not saying that my marriage is going to be perfect but i'm excited about marriage because i want to find that one person that i can relate to for the rest of my life and that one person that i can confide in for the rest of my life and the the reason i painted the question is why should men be enthusiastic is because just like you said you're right women are getting cheated on right women are getting abused right and the same thing is happening to men but what you don't see is women losing their property what you don't see is women being bankrupt what you don't see is women having to move out of their house and still pay the mortgage what you don't see is women being forced to pay alimony to a man cheated on them that's what you don't see but this is what you see with men so the argument tends to be that it seems like men have more to lose i mean if you think the only loss and gain in a marriage is financially then i mean you're going to always see yourself as losing but you have to think there's emotional loss too and so like sometimes and i think you had brought this this up not that i necessarily agree with this point but you say as a woman ages she loses her value as a man ages he he gains his value so is she not losing equally to like get divorced later on in life it's just not a monetary loss so i think like sometimes like it's very it seems very black and white like oh she lost he lost her his assets or whatnot so automatically he's losing more but it's like sometimes there's more emotional turmoil that comes with divorce that people don't take into consideration and i'm not saying the man doesn't gain or like doesn't have that but it's not just like i got money and everything's great and i think it's an unfair point to try to say like oh like you should not want to get into marriage because you could lose money you can always gain money back you can never gain peace i actually agree with you and i i think that both people lose ultimately but what makes it complicated is i think most people both people lose so the stats should be 50% of divorces are initiated by man unhappy man cheated on man 50% are initiated by women unhappy women cheated on women right and then the court system tends to go the side of the person who was right in the situation wrong in the situation but those numbers are lopsided 80% are initiated by women and the court system tends to side with the women regardless of if she was the cheater if she was the abuser if she was this if she was that there are stories of and and this is why these conversations are so important because there are stories of men like one guy he gives TED talks now i can't remember his name on top of my head was his wife he married a woman from the church and his wife forced him to weigh himself naked once a week because she wanted him to lose weight and she refused to have sex with her husband until he lost an amount of weight that she thought was satisfactory and the whole time she was having sex with other people while they were married see i've heard that's that's a story that i hear more in the reverse and that's that's a point that i've heard guys say that they lose attraction to their wife because they've gotten heavy or they've gotten they've let themselves go so like i'm not saying that that situation doesn't happen yes women can't be trifling it's equally as bad to be trifling but again what makes it more painful is i'm sure it happens in both situations but he was the breadwinner and she'd initiated the divorce because even in the situations where the guy is the devil it's still the woman initiated the divorce and then after that he's the one who has to pay alimony and child support so the guy loses whether he's right or wrong whereas the woman she can still win if she's right or wrong and that's what i'm talking about it's lopsided the law doesn't care about because there are men who are being abused we don't talk about it there are men who are being cheated on we don't talk about it women tend to talk more women are more vocal women are more emotional but what's what's great a matter of fact i was watching a documentary about male uh is a male uh domestic violence shelter and they were interviewing this guy this guy was 63 250 pounds he looked like an nfl linebacker and he was being abused almost to the to almost close to death by his girlfriend and he ran away to the homeless shelter they were like dude you're 63 250 pounds why are you letting a woman abuse her like that he said that if i called the police on her what do you think would happen they show up in my black 63 250 pound ass is here talking about this five two woman was abusing me i might get shot it's it's funny but it's not funny yeah and this is what a lot of men deal with and then trump calls it the quiet majority but is real so again where we are now why these conversations are so important is because there are a lot of men who are suffering and even in their suffering nobody says you know what you're the victim some women are being labeled victims even though they're the perpetrator just because she's a woman just because she's six uh five two just because she can cry on cue and men can like do you see the the couple who went viral because the the woman kept slapping whatever yeah like that is that is more common than you realize and that is what's infuriating men because they're saying that we can lose it for good we can lose it for bad we can lose it for in the middle and you can win if you are a jezebel you can win if you are a saint you can win so like what what should we say to those men and how do we equate even those numbers out i think this conversation is going to make me more empathetic towards the men like i i think i used to hear a lot of kevin samuels and the men speaking like kevin samuels and i used to get frustrated but now i'm starting to see like it's it's that kind of rhetoric being spoken out of frustration out of repeated like being taken advantage of and it's it's out of hurt and anger not necessarily like they truly believe that but they just kind of want to see a little bit of change so i'm gonna i'm gonna take a little bit of empathy when dealing with men in the future but for that like i don't know i don't want to say like men should that women better because then that puts onus on the man because we don't say that to women right um so i don't want to say that for sure but i don't know i think there needs to be some even playing field but one i can't wait till they come out with male birth control so at least that could be a starting point and i know there is research on it but when it becomes marketable i think that would be at least something to say that he can take control himself to i think the legal system does need to need to be more just towards the man it can't just look at it like woman man black and white they have to really take account of like how she is treating him because i think in those situations it's unfair because he's a 65 as you were saying athlete quarterback built and he's he's like stuck between a rock and a hard place if he doesn't do anything then he's looked like as a bitch if he does retaliate then he's looked as as an abuser so it's like what can he do i don't know i really don't have an answer to that i really don't i think the conversation is is the first step so we're doing that yeah