 So I was reviewing a question from one of our members recently and I was thinking about something that seems to be Incredibly prevalent these days, especially for men over 40 and I wanted to lean into this conversation and discuss why this happens And that is men over 40 The project well, let me backtrack for a second Roughly about 75% of singles who are over 45 years old who are active in the dating marketplace And what I mean is in the online dating world happen to be divorced both men and women alike So so think about that There's a huge percentage of divorced people who are actively seeking some sort of connection I say some sort of connection because I think on some level when a person says I want a Relationship, you know, that's a very tricky question. What does that mean? Does it mean it friends with benefits? Does it mean a situation ship? Does it mean a casual relationship or does it mean a serious relationship or more? Does it mean marriage and what happens to a lot of men after divorce as well as women is That they are less likely to want to get remarried. That's right less likely especially if they went through a contentious divorce and Certainly for men if they went through a financial Calamity in their divorce women feel this as well But men tend to feel this more because men tend to be the ones who are in the support position for their ex-spouse So what men seem to lack in this over 40 category is a desire for a serious relationship And yet they want campaign ship. They want connection They want sex and by the way women want companionship connection and sex too. The real tricky question is what about commitment? What about commitment? What I mean about what about commitment is it's these days most commitment is centered around monogamy or Exclusivity and let me explain that in a second, but I have to see Thanks, who excuse me Okay, coming back to monogamy and Exclusivity well monogamy means I won't sleep with other people while I'm sleeping with you and Exclusivity means I won't actively be seeking someone else to replace you meaning I'll be exclusive to this relationship and those are certainly fundamentals within, you know, the marriage context The interesting thing though is unless two people are living together a person could break that covenant that agreement at any time And you wouldn't even know about it for one Number two, they can decide to move on without any consequence So these days a lot of men aren't and this is true of women as well aren't seeking marriage and yet You know without living together. It's going to be difficult to actually Form that deeper bond with one another without some basic investment in the relationship Listen, this is tricky stuff because the reality is is in many cases it can be Complicated to get remarried in yet I'm a big proponent now of at least couples considering living together or getting married as Something that demonstrates a level of seriousness now the next level of seriousness Before that would be as I always talk about in my videos You spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interests spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in your personal and professional life Intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy. Okay, that's there's marriage. There's living together and then there's that The tricky part is everything below that and many of you find yourself in Casual relationships because you have a pseudo agreement of monogamy and exclusivity And yet without any real deep roots of trust being built And I always talk about trust isn't just about fidelity trust is can I count on this person to be there for me? When I need them can I count on this person to care about my feelings as much as my own? Do they have my best interest at hand and Sadly many women as well as men are in casual relationships where this deep root of trust hasn't been built Maybe they have spent time together, but they haven't built the deep roots of trust and certainly that's something I talk about And more in detail in my private coaching All right, so I forgot what the title of this video was why men can't you know why men don't seem to want something greater? Many cases they don't want it because they've been burned in the past or they've been hurt in their past Just like women as well, and I think what's most important is to have serious conversations Upfront about your what you're seeking in a relationship beside the word Relationship and then go from there. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know all right I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below As always if you find value in the group, please tell your friends about midlife love mastery Send them to my website Jonathan as a comm have them click the group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group And I'm gonna sign up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic job the merit of self-love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow. There's a teddy bear from Alice badler one of our Thank you so much and wishing you a super dude. Oh, I forgot to say hugs are a great source of love And we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Have a great day. Bye. Bye now