 Welcome to the anxious truth. This is the podcast that covers all things anxiety anxiety disorders and anxiety recovery So if you're struggling with things like panic attacks or health anxiety or agoraphobia This is the place for you and I'm happy that you're here this week on the anxious truth We're gonna address a question gets asked every day in the community surrounding this podcast and that question is but what if the anxiety comes back and we're gonna look at one of the basic principles of recovery that often gets overlooked that Means that that question isn't even really a question. So let's get to that now Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the anxious truth. This is episode number 256 of the podcast we are recording in May of 2023 in case you are listening from the future. My name is Drew Lynn Salata I am the creator and host of the anxious truth if this is the first time here listening to the podcast or Watching on the YouTube channel. Welcome. I'm glad you found us And I hope you find the content helpful in some way if you're a returning listener or viewer. Well, welcome back This week on the podcast, we're gonna answer a question that gets asked every day in the community surrounding this podcast Generally by people who are working really hard to overcome their anxiety problems and they're starting to see progress Things are changing and they're starting to get better and then they get stuck and trapped in the cycle of But what if it comes back? I can't stop thinking that I might never get better I can't stop thinking what if it comes back? Now, I understand why people think that when they start to feel a little better and things begin to change They automatically go to yeah, but this can't possibly last what if it comes back And what if it comes back in the end as you're going to see today? Is it even really a question that needs to be asked because you're missing an important part of the recovery process? And I understand why because you're so close to it that you really can't see that Now before we get into the nitty gritty here Just a very quick reminder that the anxious truth is more than just this podcast episode There are books and 250 something other free podcast episodes and a ton of free social media content and workshops and All kinds of goodies that you can find on my website at the anxious truth dot com So if you're looking for more more help more information more things that might be useful to you Head on over to that website the anxious truth dot com and check it out Vail yourself of all the resources and make the best use of them that you can And if you're enjoying this work and it's helping you in some way and you want to find a way to support it All the ways that you can do that are also on the website at the anxious truth dot com slash support If you want to check that out financial support is never required here But always appreciated and no matter what way you choose to support the work that I do Whether it's writing a podcast review or just hitting the like button on one of my youtube videos. Thank you so much I appreciate that you're really helping So let's get to today's topic which is the dreaded but what if anxiety comes back question And I think when we ask that question it reveals that we are seeing The anxiety itself as the thing that changes in the recovery process And here's news. That's not actually what happens We often use explanations to try to I guess teach people what's happening And those explanations often sort of imply and I do this I'm guilty of this Sort of imply that you're changing the anxiety You're turning down the volume. I've I've used that you're turning off the threat response You're lowering the volume. You're lowering the intensity. You're changing your amygdala You're turning off your amygdala like we say things like that But that's not really what's going on. Yes, we are changing our level of sensitization There's no doubt about that. I would agree with that But in the end the sensations of anxiety the state of anxiety itself doesn't really change So as a fully recovered person I can tell you That in retrospect I can see that my anxiety didn't change one bit not even a little And you might say how can you possibly call yourself a recovered person and also say that your anxiety hasn't changed? Well, I'll tell you why because I do not live my life anxious all the time anymore. Why is that? Well, that's because I've learned that I don't have to be afraid of how I feel anymore Nonetheless, I am alive and I'm always transparent about this So I can experience anxiety sometimes because I'm just a human being And the idea that we would eradicate anxiety or guarantee that you will never be really anxious afraid or panic ever again is ridiculous Nobody can guarantee that and that's not what you should be aiming for Yet I live as a very normal person That can sometimes like any other normal person experience anxiety sometimes a lot of anxiety on very rare instances I might even experience a panic attack It's just not terribly impactful anymore like it used to be But I can tell you unequivocally and I think most recovered people would probably corroborate this That the anxiety feels exactly how it felt 20 years ago when I was really struggling when I couldn't leave my house When I needed safe people all the time. I didn't want to stay alone. I was afraid of everything I was convinced that my food had been poisoned and I was obsessed with thoughts of death and existence It was not a fun place to be in But I can tell you that the sensations the feelings the experience of anxiety panic and fear Now are exactly the same as they were then So what's the difference? How can I say that most of the time? I am not anxious at all and even if I do experience anxiety it does in no way influence my life It doesn't influence how I make my plans or what I do or where I go or what I want to do It's it's a non issue It's a thing I experience sometimes like anger or sadness or happiness or disappointment or getting the flu That's the way anxiety is in a recovered person's life So is it possible that you'll never panic again? It's certainly possible. I mean that could be that would be great Right, maybe that'll happen. But if it doesn't happen, it doesn't mean that it came back So when we ask the question What if it comes back We're thinking that somehow or other what we're doing in recovery is changing this monster That's been stalking you and attacking you somehow wrestling it into a different form or pinning it down into submission And that's tenuous because what if it gets up? It's strong. It's powerful. It's it's so impactful on me It controls me. I have it pinned down now But what if I'm not strong enough and it comes back? So I understand why you see it that way because of the way you relate to it today But when you realize that the change does not happen in the anxiety the change happens in you Everything is different So I never worry that it's going to come back because I don't have to worry about that That's actually a question that I understand I don't even have to ask So when people say, how can you be so sure of the answer? It's not that I'm so sure of the answer I just know that that's not even a question. That's not a valid question for me anymore And it's not a valid question for most recovered people because what you really want to say is Well, what happens if I feel those things again? And I'll tell you what happens when you recognize that the process of recovery is the process of changing you When you recognize that and you understand that all the hard work you're doing Intentionally doing scary things practicing that triggering you're triggering yourself on purpose To practice and to get better at relating in a more healthy way in a normal way to anxiety and fear and vulnerability and uncertainty You are building a whole new repertoire of skills navigational skills that you don't have today And since you don't have those skills today You feel like that thing just pins you down and just steps on your throat And there's nothing you could do about it because you don't have the skill set to deal with it But as you develop the skill set your relationship with it changes in a huge way And you're the one changing So your heart will still race you might experience dpdr You might feel short of breath you might get rubber legs You might feel nauseous like that's just anxiety doing what anxiety does in human beings It's a very well defined and incredibly predictable response in almost every human being walking the planet So it doesn't change You change you just get really good at dealing with it And I know a lot this is the part where many people who are struggling now will say Oh, so I just have to deal with this like this for the rest of my life No, because you are changing and when you change your relationship with it changes And you don't you learn that you don't have to care so much about it It doesn't have to be the most important thing in your life and the most interesting thing in the room all the time anymore So no you don't deal with it the way you deal with it today because you get better at dealing with it Which means that you stop having to deal with it so much So what if it comes back? Isn't really a concern anymore because we have to recognize that it's not the anxiety that we're changing. We're changing us We change us. We get better at things. We grow. We learn we get experienced. We get wiser We get more adept at navigating through these negative internal experiences And that's everything Because that really changes the equation a lot. You don't see it anymore as an it that comes back When you recognize that you are the part that's changing and not it That leads you to say well, what do I what will happen if I feel it again? Oh, well, I will do this this this and this the things I've been doing I will use my new skills. I will use my new understanding. I will use my new knowledge I will use the wisdom I've gained Like see the difference You stop worrying about it coming back because you just start thinking about it feeling things and not it coming back Well, sometimes I'm going to feel things and now I have I'm really good at feeling those things now So I don't have to worry about it so much. It's not as important as it once was When it was used to be really important now It's not important at all So there is no it I never think of anxiety as an it that can come and get me again It's just a feeling like any other feeling that a person might have when they're living and breathing So this is really important and I understand Why when you were in the early stages or you're struggling you might get stuck in that thought loop But what if it comes back? But what if it comes back because you haven't yet understood that you are changing You don't recognize your own growth You don't recognize your new skill set. You don't recognize your new options You don't recognize that your repertoire is getting broader and deeper and wider You just think that you're somehow pinning down the anxiety or holding it off or or you're somehow It's not not being triggered anymore Well, and so therefore you think it still has it's living and breathing and it's just this fire breathing dragon that you've managed to somehow lock in a cave But at any minute it can break out of that cave and come and get me again No, that doesn't happen at all the dragon is still breathing the same fire It's still standing right next to you you just don't care anymore So it goes away like this and there's no my job here is done. I don't I don't have anything to do this guy isn't running anymore She's not running anymore. She's not calling her safe people. He's not staying in the house anymore. Like I guess we're okay I'll just go wait until I'm really needed And then things change So I cannot stress enough how one of the things I would ask you to do after listening to this podcast episode is Really consider that are you changing your anxiety or are you changing your relation to it and your skill set? and your understanding And your your default response set that's what's changing in recovery Now I do understand also that that doesn't jive with the way a lot of people approach this problem If you approach it as a body problem if you approach it as a problem that requires some sort of nervous system regulation If you are constantly approaching it as a trigger problem where you need to avoid your triggers Triggers are all over the place and you never get to avoid them all So it will seem like this very tenuous recovery That can be shattered at any time Because you're trying to control things or fix things that are kind of beyond fixing As opposed to understanding like oh wait a minute. I'm just going to let those things be whatever they are And I'm going to get really better at dealing with them. I'm changing. I'm the one that's changing not it And then when you accept that and you understand that you start to see it Through experience through through actual real life when you're doing it day in and day out Then I'm changing not it happens because you stop looking at it as an it. It's no longer a special it What if it comes back is no longer a question because I never really look at anxiety as it anymore with a capital i it It the thing right it's it's not a thing anymore. So I don't have to think about it coming back I just think about having all the different experiences and emotions and states that people have and Just good at dealing with them now just like you will get better at dealing with them as you go through this process So What's the moral of the story here the moral of the story here is give yourself some credit Because you are the one changing and growing and getting better and smarter and Faster and stronger and wiser and and so many different options that you're giving yourself now When your only option used to be retreat run hide and avoid And that got you into the sort of that dark place that you're trying to get out of now And you don't have to do just that anymore So you are changing give yourself the credit you are making progress It is staying the same you are changing around it and therefore in a way nullifying it because You you won't worry anymore that it comes back when you're not afraid of it anymore and you know you're capable So I know that the last bit of resistance to what i'm talking about in this podcast episode Usually comes from people who are struggling today and I get that if you are Or who are new to this or maybe just starting to go down the road of recovery And they will think but I don't understand if I have this experience in two years that i'm having today That's not progress. That's not recovery. I can't be recovered if I feel the way I feel today But when you say that you're actually missing the point because you haven't had enough time and you have not lived the experiences yet You're projecting the today version of you into the future and the today version of you won't be there in the future So the the 2006 version of drew isn't here in 2023. He he doesn't he's not here He changed like 2023 drew is very different than 2010 2006 drew So when I feel the same things that he felt it's a different version of me feeling them And relating to him in a totally different way So the resistance to this idea and the argument if you feel the things it means it came back And how can I call that recovery and that's beyond my control is based on you projecting the today version of you Into the future when that today version of you theoretically because of this process that you're working on so hard I commend you for that the today version of you stops existing You're a better version of you. You're a wider deeper smarter wiser more capable Version of you with way more options than today has today version of you has So please keep that in mind when you want to get stuck or when you get stuck in the thought What if it what if it comes back? But what if it comes back? But what if it comes back remind yourself that? Oh, this is today me worrying about how today me Would feel if i'm still today me in five years But I won't be that person in five years every day I get a little different and since i'm the part of this that's changing not the anxiety Every time I learn something new Every time I try something new every time I practice something every time I have a different outcome that I used to have I am getting further away from the scared Limited avoidant hiding running version of me that a hundred percent would think that I should if I feel this way It's a disaster You just won't think that anymore because you are changing so you won't even ask the question anymore What if it comes back? It's very hard for you to conceptualize that and when people ask me that question and I try to answer it I often get blank stares, but that's because I can speak to you from years down the road You don't have those years yet So I guess i'm asking you in a certain way to to just take it at face value when I tell you When a recovered person tells you when somebody who's got a five-year head start on you tells you these things You have to understand that oh They have five years worth of experiences that I haven't had yet They learned all the lessons. They see their change. They see their growth. They see their new strength I haven't had the chance yet To see that in myself. I'm working on it So what if it comes back is in a question the question is like how do I keep changing? How do I keep improving? That is the better question if you want to fixate on a question fixate on that one because The answer to that question precludes asking the first So there you go That's a thing I haven't said in a podcast in a while Evidently it used to be a thing I would say all the time, but there you go That was like 17 minutes of me just near ranting at you. I hope it wasn't too much I I feel like I gave you a fire hose of words here because it's something that I feel really strongly about and I Want to express it. It is clearly as strongly as I can to you Being worried that it's going to come back doesn't mean that you have to be worried about it coming back That's just a today version of you having a today worry about a version of you that doesn't exist You don't want in the future So it's okay to just leave that fear there. What if it comes back? All right? Be afraid that it'll come back then go do something Go do something instead of deciding that thinking that means you shouldn't do anything That would be the worst mistake you could make. I keep thinking. What if it comes back? Okay, then go ahead and think that because you can't decide to not have a thought But while you're thinking that go keep changing and learning and improving and getting stronger and wiser and deeper and building those options Then the question that you're so worried about won't even matter anymore. Trust me on this one And that is episode 256 of the anxious truth in the books on trying to You know answer the question What if it comes back and giving you the reasons why that question doesn't even have to be a question because You change not the anxiety. You know the podcast episode is over because Music That is as always at the end of the podcast Especially recently is afterglow by my friend ben drake who wrote that song at least in part inspired by this podcast in words That he heard here and he's letting me use it ever since which i'm very grateful for So you can find that song and more about ben on his website at ben drake music dot com If you pop on over there tell them i sent you and tell them i said hello And i'm going to ask you as always if you are listening to the podcast on apple podcast or Spotify or some app or platform That lets you rate and review the podcast leave a five star rating if you like it And if you really like it maybe take a second and write a quick review Because that's how more people find the podcast and we get to help more people that way which is why i do this to begin with And of course if you're watching on youtube or this one listening on youtube like the video leave a comment I will circle back and answer you i promise i do it a couple times a week and subscribe to my channel hit the notification bell So you know when i upload new content And that's it. We are done for this week Work on these things keep moving forward every little step matters It really does because even when you're worried that you'll never get better or it might come back The best thing that you can do to that is go ahead and get better even while you're worried about that I know that sounds ridiculous, but that's your job, and I know you can do it Thanks for listening. I will see you again next week