 I was shocked to recently learn that some of the world's most successful entrepreneurs had actually never set out to build some great empire, but instead had decided to build meaningful things in their lives, and the empire had followed suit. Now after having been someone who's obsessed with setting goals in my life, someone who has wanted to figure out how to have that 10 out of 10 in every part of life, everyone gets to the same point at one point, which is that you strive desperately for something and it happens, and you strive desperately for something else and it doesn't happen, and you wonder, what the hell is going on? Why did that not work this time? Now in this video, I want to talk about a profound experience that helped me understand something that I call the Dow of Goal Setting, because sometimes you search for one thing and you get another, and sometimes you don't search for something, and that thing you were always looking for finds you instead. What's up you guys? I'm here. So before we jump in, one of the most effective ways I've found to set and achieve goals is via journaling. So I put together a free journaling worksheet and a free journaling email series that you'll get if you sign up right below, and you'll get an email on how to use journaling to get your life together and improve your life going forward. So check it out right below this video, that first link. When I first moved to LA, at the peak of the pandemic, there were two goals that I had that were very difficult for me. The first is that I wanted to learn how to make friends in this new city, even though I worked alone. It was the peak of the pandemic, so there was no one even outside. And everything endures, every venue to meet people was shut off. The second goal was I was finally ready for a long-term relationship and wanted to figure out how to start dating again, as someone who hadn't dated in a long time. So at first I was doing my best during the pandemic. I was going to Facebook groups and Facebook events. I would do online trainings with people in LA. I would just go to the coffee shop and be that weird, strange, awkward dude that was clearly very lonely talking to people who didn't really want to be talked to or talked with, probably because they were going home to people that they had. And anywhere I could, I was trying to be growth-oriented about meeting people and making friends and trying to get hobbies even though every indoor way to meet people was shut off. I went to outdoor yoga classes. I went to meditations in the park. I went to nature walks. I did everything I could to try and meet people strategically and deliberately. And no matter what I did, even though I was around people more often, it didn't lead to anything that I would call friends. It didn't lead to anything that I would call a community. And it didn't lead to anything that was really meaningful and made me feel at home in this new city alone. The second goal was dating because I wanted to find a long-term relationship. Now I figured during a pandemic what the hell else is there but swiping on an app. I downloaded Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble for the first time and I wasted hours of my life every single day swiping on these apps until eventually it got to the point where having only gone on two dates, I realized my time allotment for Tinder and Hinge and Bumble is the time it takes me to poop and sit on the toilet every single day. That's all I got because more than that makes me hate my life. So after about six months of swiping every day, dealing with these inane conversations that never went anywhere or even meeting, exchanging phone numbers and then the woman would flake or we would meet up and it was just not right, or whatever, didn't work to reach the goal I wanted. So after about a year I gave up. I gave up looking for friends, I gave up trying to date, and I decided what am I going to do instead to enjoy my life as long as possible. So I decided I was going to pick one new hobby that was something passionate, exciting, made me feel better in my life and in general would be something that I would enjoy my days regardless of whatever happened externally. So I joined bachata dancing, central bachata. So if you don't know what bachata is, it's like hypersexual salsa basically. And I thought this would be such a fun hobby after watching these videos and I found a great class that at first was all outside during the pandemic and then eventually was indoors at a studio. So fast forward another few months. After this bachata class had resumed in person, a few of us started getting together to just go dance on the Santa Monica boardwalk. And then after that, some of us started getting drinks together. And after that, some of us went to Latin festivals together. And then after that, eventually as these new clubs opened up again after the pandemic, I suddenly had a friend group blooming and it's a great friend group that I haven't had in years. And not too long after, I met the girl that I'm seriously dated. Life is very funny in that sometimes you go after that thing you want so desperately and it never ends up happening. And then indirectly through the back door, you end up doing something else. And through that, you accidentally get the opportunity or meet the right person or find the passion or meet that person you end up dating or those amazing friends of your life. But not when you were directly searching for them. It just makes me think that so many of our goals are best achieved indirectly and is actually a great book by that topic. Let me just read these two quotes. So these are by two very successful people, Merck or formerly Merck, the pharmaceutical company. We're going to compare it to Pfizer and then Walton, the founder of Walmart. So just listen to these quotes about how very often the most profitable companies are not the most profit oriented. First one, George Merck said, we never try to forget that medicine is for the people. It is not for the profits. The profits follow. And if we have remembered that, they have never failed to appear. The better we have remembered it, the larger they have been. Compared to the directness of John McKean of Pfizer who said, so far as humanly possible, we aim to get profit out of everything we do. I don't know about you, but that is effing terrifying. For a pharmaceutical company that is providing the medications that your doctor has been giving you. But the point is, Merck, which was formerly a very successful company, was always about medicine for the people. And Pfizer, Pfizer obviously made, this is a funny metaphor because now Pfizer has made gazillions on the vaccine. But what's interesting is that many of these companies, like Pfizer or like Boeing, when they shift from a visionary leader that is focused on growth and the vision and the passion and being the best at what they do, it often becomes a very, very profitable company. And then when you see the leadership change to someone who's profit oriented, the company often does the worst it has ever done. One more story from Sam Walton, founder of Walmart. Sam Walton would drive himself around in a pickup truck until his death. And he said, I have concentrated all along on building the finest retailing company that we possibly could, period. Creating a huge personal fortune was never particularly a goal of mine. So even when it comes to money, many of the world's biggest companies like Apple and Steve Jobs, many of the founders lived very Spartan kind of lives and were deeply passionate about building something and creating. That is the original entrepreneur's dream, not just getting rich. It's about building something that no one else has done. But when it comes to your life, many other goals are best achieved indirectly. And sometimes that means instead of hard headedly going after your goals, you take a two week vacation and then the insight comes to you about what you've been doing wrong. Or maybe it means instead of trying to date, you just pick up a new hobby and then you end up meeting a person that you end up dating seriously. Or instead of trying to make friends or trying so hard to make a business work, you end up just playing. You end up picking up a hobby you do for a couple hours a week and then some other door opens up you never have predicted. So sometimes you search for one thing and you get another. And when you're not searching for that thing specifically you want, it comes at you and it finds you indirectly. So if you're having a hard time reaching your goals in your life, sometimes it's best to exercise this lateral thinking and try another way to get there. So all I've got for you today, I thought that was absolutely interesting and helped me a lot in my own life. Again, the journaling worksheet right below this video can help you figure out how to get clarity on what you want, get your life together and plan some of that outgoing forward. Before you go, I have a couple other related videos right here.