 Matinee Theatre starring Victor Jory. Vicks, the makers of Vicks' Vaple Rub, Vicks' Vaternail, Vicks' Coughcrops and Vicks' Inhaler, presents the Matinee Theatre starring Victor Jory in the delightful RKO romantic comedy, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. But first, here's a good thing to remember when you catch a cold. The best known home remedy for relieving miseries of colds is Vicks' Vaple Rub. Your request play today, the romantic screen favorite that starred Robert Montgomery and Carol Lombard. There's an old saying that the course of true love never runs smooth, and another that the first hundred years are the hardest. This is the story of a young couple who found out that both of these were true. The story of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. We start their story just after a quarrel. David, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, too, darling. I love you so very much. And I love you. Do you just think it's been three whole days and three whole nights since you kissed me? I know, and I sure was getting tired of this bedroom. So was I, but I still say that if every married couple had the same rules as we have, there'd be no divorces. Right. They ought to put it in the marriage ceremony. Quote, you are not allowed to leave the scene of a car unless you've made up. Unquote. That's simple because eventually you have to make up. Yeah. Well, I better get dressed and get to the office. I can't afford to stay away three days at a time. Mm-hmm. Uh, hand me my socks, will you? Uh-huh. Cat. Thanks. You know, darling, this fight was really my fault. No, Anna was mine. I shouldn't get so jealous. And I should also lay off your family. But those questions you ask all the time, like, what did I do on that trip to Paris when I graduated from college? Well, I forgave you, Cat. But, uh, say that I do have another question. Uh-huh. Here it comes again. All right. Shoot. Well, if you had it to do all over again, would you have married me? Oh, now, look, honey. That's my question. Would you? Do you want an honest answer? Well, of course. All right. Then no, I wouldn't. What? Not that I'd want to marry anyone else. But a man gives up so much when he gets married. But I think if I had to do over again, I'd stay single. Why, you? Now, now, wait, honey. You wanted me to tell you the truth? I hope I haven't hurt your feelings. Oh, no, no, no. It's perfectly all right. Well, that's good. I'm not going to answer any more of your full questions. They're always getting me into trouble. I feel a hand in my thigh, would you, dear? No, no, no. The blue one. Of course, David, if you'd like your freedom, I'll be... For heaven's sake, I don't want my freedom. I love you. I'm crazy about you. I'm used to you. How do we get into these things? My only hold on you is that you're used to me. Oh, for now, look, honey, you've got the whole thing wrong. I wouldn't know what to do without you, you're my little girl. I'm crazy. Don't cry, baby. Don't cry. Come on, now, forgive me. Say you're forgiven. Well, all right. Honey, can I go to work now? Yes, go right ahead. I don't suppose the law firm of Smith and Custer can go on without you. Get out of here, baby. That's the way to look at it. See you tonight. Good morning, Jeff. Well, good morning, Dave. I didn't know whether you were still a member of the firm or not. Yeah, three days this time. I'm sorry, Jeff. Another little domestic disturbance. Uh-huh. You know how Anne is. You have to humor her. Oh, you don't have to explain to me, David. I understand. Fine. I haven't been your partner all this time for nothing. Oh, say, I almost forgot. Mr. Diva waiting to see you. He wouldn't tell me his business if it was something private. Diva, Diva? Well, maybe a client. I'll go right in. Mr. Diva? Yes, yes. You, Mr. Smith? That's right. What can I do for you? Well, I don't know what you can do, but were you married and beat him in March 1940? Beat him and beat him? Well, yes, I was. Well, I hope you won't be upset by this. But you know, beat him is on the other side. Oh, yes. And he's always incorporated in Brenda County. And you see, Brenda County is an Idaho. You follow me, don't you? No, no, but don't mind me. I'm just listening. Well, we in Beecham found out that we didn't have the right to be incorporated in Brenda County because from the other side of the Bass River, we belong to Nevada. Beecham, Brenda, Bass River. Is that clear? Yes, yes. That's perfectly clear. What does it mean? Well, we just found out that anybody who got married after the year in 1936 with an Idaho license in Nevada, well, it just isn't proper. Well, that's interesting. What do you mean it isn't proper? Oh, now, wait a minute, Mr. Smith. I don't want you to get frightened or upset. No matter anything. All it is has been a kind of a mistake. And under the law, you're, well, you're not legally married. What's that? Oh, you really are married and everything, but there's a little technicality. And we figure in case of deaths and wills and births, you know, children, it'd be better if everybody had kind of got married again just to be on the safe side. And the Chamber of Commerce is sending me around to tell everybody about it. Now, here's your two dollars you paid for the license and you can use it to get another. Well, well, well, this has very interesting possibilities. Very pleasant evening. David, tell me, what did you do all day in the office? Who did you see? Oh, no one much. I was in conference most of the day with Jeff. You know, things pile up in three days. Well, what do you say if we go to bed? I'll have a long day tomorrow. Bed? And just where were you planning to sleep tonight, Mr. Smith? Oh, why? We just thought, what? Now, that's a pretty silly question. Oh, no, it isn't. You weren't going to tell me about Mr. Dieter, were you? Well, he was here to see me, too. You know we're not married. Beast? You weren't going to tell me. Oh, but I was going to tell you, honey. I was going to tell you later. Later? How much later? No, no, don't take on so, Anne. Listen, darling. Don't you, darling. You were going to wait until we had another fight and then throw me aside like a, a squeezed lemon. Oh, stop being dramatic. I'm not being dramatic. I always had a suspicion about you. So did my mother. Your forehead stands back too much. Oh, come here, honey. Let me explain. Now, don't you touch me. Now, listen, Annie. And don't call me Annie. Hey, stop throwing glasses. They cost money. Get out of here. Get out of here. Go on. You're not going to stay here. Okay, okay. So I'll sleep at the club tonight, but I'll be back tomorrow. Good night. That is certainly a fine thing for a wife to do. I'm gone one night and she takes our card out of the doorbell and puts in her maiden name, Miss Anne Campbell. Campbell. Come on. Now, see here, Anne. Are you going to stop this silly nonsense or aren't you? Now, look, I'm willing to fuck this whole thing. Well, that's very generous of you, but you'll have to excuse me. I was just going downtown. And who do you think you're talking to anyway? My wife. Oh, no. You haven't any wife. We're not married, Ducky, remember? Well, you out of your mind certainly were married. Not legally, we're not. Taxi. Oh, taxi. All right. We'll get married. Does that suit you? No, it doesn't. Lamb's department store driver. Hey, wait a minute. You're not getting in this cab. Hey, come in. Go ahead, driver. Did you hear what I said? We'll get married again. Oh, no, we won't. If anyone asks you, Mr. Smith, you're no bargain. What's the matter with me? Name one thing about me you don't like. One thing? One thing? What about that tar stuff you keep rubbing in your hair that smells up the whole house? I'm only trying to keep my hair for you. And you're a fine one to talk going to bed with a head full of aluminum bits. You turned over once and cut me in 20 places. Well, you're not going to be cut anymore, dearie. Not by my aluminum clips. All right. And I'm not going to support you. How do you like that? Fine. Hey-ya, lady. Thank you very much. Here you are, driver, and keep the change. Thank you. You're not being very practical. How do you think you're going to live? I'm going to support myself, my good man. You won't mind if I leave you here at the employee's entrance. I have a job here. I start today. See you later, David. And would you please give up this job and go home? Will you get out of this door people are looking at us? I'm not going to have you standing around selling men's socks. Hose. Hose nuts. You're coming home with me. You take your hands off me. Let go of my wrist. This candle, whatever are you doing to that customer? I'm not doing anything. Look, who's got who? Let go of me, you heel. I'm sorry, sir, but I'll have to ask you to release our sales clerk. Would you like to try to make me release her? Well, if you're not pleased with this clerk, I'll be happy to get you another. I'm pleased with her and she's no clerk, you jerk. This is my wife. She's coming home. I'm not. Miss Campbell will have to take this up with the head of the department. This store does not employ married women. I am not married. You are too married. Please, please, let us not forget that we are ladies and gentlemen. Miss Campbell, you're discharged. What's the matter, Dave? Why are you pacing around the office like that? No reason, Jeff. I just like exercise. David, we've been partners a long time. I'd like to help you. I know how you feel. Oh, no, you don't. I asked Anne to have me to dinner tonight. We're all good friends and I think I can straighten this thing out for you. How about letting me do that and say you drop in unannounced about the old nine o'clock, huh? You mean it? You do that. Jeff, old man, that's the finest. That's the most decent. That's all right. But we're partners. Yes, sir, and you're the best partner a man ever had. And we've been buddies ever since we went to college. You bet we have. And you were the best fullback Alabama ever had. You know, Jeff, I always said Hinkle was a greater back. But I was wrong. Hinkle couldn't touch you. Thank you, David. Thank you. All right, I'll be there at nine. And I'll be there before you, chum. In just a moment, act two of Mr. and Mrs. Smith from the stage of Victor Matinee Theater starring Victor Jory and featuring Betty Winkler. And now let's try to clear up a question every mother has on her mind these wintry days when children come down with colds. Well, here is something you should know. The modern way most mothers use to relieve distress of children's colds is to rub Vic's vapor rub on throat, chest, and back. And here's the reason vapor rub is so widely used. You see, the moment you rub vapor rub on, its relief giving action starts right to work and keeps on working for hours to bring such welcome relief. It helps relieve congestion and irritation in the upper breathing passages, the coughing spasms, sore throat, and that muscular soreness or tightness. And results are so good because vapor rub penetrates. Penetrates into the cold congested upper bronchial tubes with its special soothing medicinal vapors. And at the same time, it stimulates. Stimulates chest and back surfaces like a comforting, warming portis. So when colds strike, remember vapor rub. And remember, too, only vapor rub gives you this special penetrating, stimulating action, the best-known home remedy for relieving miseries of colds. Vic's vapor rub. As we open the second act of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, it's nine o'clock that evening, and David stands for lonely and wistfully outside his own door, a box of flowers under one arm, a box of candy under the other. Somewhat nervously, he rings. Hello, Anne. Hello, Jeff, old boy. Well, isn't anybody going to say hello or something? Anything you wish to say to me, Mr. Smith, you can say to my lawyer. Well, certainly. Lawyer. Well, what lawyer? Anne has asked me to represent her in this matter, David. I've been telling her she doesn't need a lawyer. I'll say she doesn't. Because as I understand the facts, you two aren't really married. Not really married? Why, you... you're a hillbilly ambulance chaser. There's no need losing our temper. Let me tell you once and for all we are married, if not legally than by common law, which is just as good. It's better. Yes, but should the woman care to hold this relationship and marry someone else, she's entitled to do so. I say it's Peterson versus Peterson, Adams versus Kelly, and Hogue versus New Pennsylvania Coal Company. And you are supposed to be my best friend. I am your best friend. Anne, would you care to have dinner with me tomorrow night? Uh-huh. I'd love to, Jeff. Where? Anne, if you have dinner with this whole cat tomorrow night, and this is final, we're through. What time would you like to have dinner, Jeff dear? All right, then. We're through. From this moment on, we're through. How about this dog club, Anne? Oh, that'd be wonderful. That's what it is, sabotage. You and Jeff, you, Jeff Custer, you have the nerve to compare yourself with Hinkle as a football player, why you couldn't carry Hinkle's water bucket. Good night. Good night, Mr. Custer. What? I've got to talk to him. I'm in a hurry. I didn't come here to talk to you, Jeff. I came here to smack you in the nose. Oh, stop talking like that. What your wife needs is a lesson. And I think I know just how to give it to her. Now, get this. I haven't time to go into detail, because my mother and father are in the next room, and we have to work fast. They stopped off on their weekly classes. Okay, pal. What do I do? Just follow my lead and play along. That's all. And when Anne shows up, don't get sore if I seem to be a little clubby with her. Do you get it? No, but I can still take a punch at you if I find out you're pulling a fast one. All right. Come on. Mother, there's my partner, David. I'm happy to know you. Oh, the pleasure is all, sir. We know so much about you, David. Jefferson's written about you in practically every letter. You seem just like one of the family. Sorry to be late, Jeff. That's all right, dear. Mother, father, this is Anne, my fiancée. Why, you load down. Well, bless your heart, honey. I declare you're just what I hoped you'd be. Yes, sir. I'm pretty as a picture. May I kiss her, Jeff? No, I certainly. Yes, sir. Pretty as a Yankee girl I ever saw. Do you know Miss Campbell, David? Do I? Oh, yes. Yes, Miss Campbell and I are her old friends. Well, Jeff, you're right. Well, I declare I didn't give you credit for having such good days. Not there. Don't you be shy, son. You're a very lucky man. Wouldn't you say so, David? I certainly would. If it wasn't for me, they'd never even have gotten together. Oh, now isn't that sweet? You know what I was thinking, Father? No. If the two young people want to go on a honeymoon, they could take the boat to New Orleans and then motor ride up through the South to our home. Well, that wouldn't be so good for Anne. She's not a very good sailor, honey. You remember how sick you got when we took the night boat to Albany? David! Yeah, well, you did. And Jeff, don't you let her eat anything on the boat, even if she wants to. You put her to bed and put a hot water bottle on her stomach and hold it there. Jeff, no matter how she hollers, you hold it there. That settles her stomach. Well, baby, I... By the way, Anne, shouldn't my laundry be back by now? I'm all out of shorts. Why, Jeff, son! Well, Dad, Anne kind of took care of these things around the house. Yes, little household things. Oh, she's the best little housekeeper you ever saw. You know, when a man has been sitting across the breakfast table from a woman for three solid years and still wants to marry her, she has to be quite a girl. Oh, Father, did you hear that? Yes, Jefferson, may I see you alone for a moment, please? Well, sure, Dad. Come, come, mother. Excuse us, please. Are you satisfied now? Are you satisfied to hurt your fine old people, I said? What about me being hurt? Oh, all you ever think about is yourself. You know, I can't see how you could have been associated with Jeff for so long and not gotten some of his fine qualities. What's fine about them? He's kind and simple and gentle. He's simple, all right. Look, Anne, aren't you about ready to throw this nonsense out the window? Oh, come on, honey. We belong together, like the stars and the moonlight, the wind and the springtime, the sun and the rain. The sun and the rain do not go together. Don't split hairs, Anne. Guys, Donald, I love you. I cannot stand the man that shouts, Jeff never shouts. He's always kind, always gentle. And since when were you so crazy about this gentle act? Shall I recall for you how I got this scar on my forehead with a lamp thrown by you, my pet? Well, I was younger then, and I thought I loved you. Well, then I am throwing another lamp out and marrying you. Straighten things out with Mother and Father, and they want me to bring you up to Lake Placid next weekend for some skiing. How about it? Well, yes, yes, I'd love to. All right. All right, that settles it. The camel's back has broken. The rolling stone has gone to the well once too often. Good night. Goodbye. Goodbye. Never get healed last last. Getters no moss. Goodbye. I hope you find this cabin satisfactory and that you enjoy your stay in Lake Placid. This is your suite in here, Professor. I was to tell you that your parents will be back this evening. They went on a sleigh ride in the mountains and were held up by a storm. Uh, this is your suite on the left of this camel. Thank you. Everything isn't perfectly satisfactory. Kindly let us know. Yes, we will. Bye. Oh, dear fellow. Yes, yes, he is. Mind if I come in and take a look at your place? No, Jeff, not at all. Um... Jeff, look. It's David. Yes, and gosh, he looks ill. David, catch him. Jeff, he's falling. Oh, Jeff, he's frayed. Go on, don't stand there. Get some water quickly. Oh, David, David. Hurry up, Jeff. Just a minute. He looks as though he hasn't shaved for a week. He must be terribly ill. Hurry, Jeff. Here you are. Hold his head up. Oh, here, David, honey. Oh, David, David, why do you do such foolish things? He must follow this up here. Jeff, he's hardly breathing. I'll get him over to the bed. Well, be careful now. Be careful. Yeah. Don't worry, and I've got him. I'll help you. I think he'll be all right. Yeah. A few hours sleep. All to bring him around. Jeff, you'll have to have a doctor. First two weeks in December. What was his name? Oh. We were coming here the first few weeks in December. We'll be crazy about Lake Placidan. Two weeks in the snow, we'll have lots of fun. Isn't that terrible? Oh, David. And, and... Jeff, he's opening his eyes. Hello, and... I'm not, Ann. I'm Jeff. I'll never forget you in that little blue dress, Ann. Quit looking at me. I never had a blue dress in my life. He's thinking about the dress I was wearing when I met him. He liked me in blue. I think we ought to let him rest. Oh. What's he doing? That's not a death rattle, is it? I don't think so. I wish I could hear it again, huh? Oh, please, darling. Ann, come the next room a moment. I want to talk to you. Do you think it's all right to leave it? Sure. We'll only be a minute. There's something I'd like to say. You've had three years with David, and whether you realize it or not, there's a bond between you that's not easily broken. People get divorced. I know, Ann. I know. But I want to see you happy. And as peculiar as David is, I don't think you can be happy without him. So why not let up on him? Yes. I don't think a person ever existed as fine and generous as you are. And, uh, wait a minute. I hear something. Yes, I do. Look, you go on talking while I open the door. All right. All right. So you see, Ann, it is my contention. Why, David? I thought so. You heal. You weren't sick at all. That was just an act to get our sympathy. I thought I heard you creeping over to the door. You're an eavesdropper. That's what you are. Why did you come up here anyway? Oh, listen, Ann, I know eavesdropper. I love you, that's all. And I came up here because you're mine and because you belong to me. You don't love Jeff. Nobody could love that pile of southern fried chicken. Listen, Ann, think of all the things we'd planned, the little house we were going to buy, the kids we were going to buy, the kids... the kids we were going to have, the roads that would grow over the door. You haven't forgotten all that. No, I haven't forgotten, but you listen to me. No, you're going to listen to me. Now sit down there. Well, you brute, you let me up this minute. Oh, no. You're going to sit there and tell me that you're going to marry me again. I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on earth. I wouldn't marry you if you came crawling on your knees across broken glass. I wouldn't marry you if... Mr. Smith. Well, well, well, for goodness sake, Mr. Dever, what brings you back from Beecham County? Oh, I'm so glad you haven't forgotten Beecham County, Mr. Smith, because Beecham County hasn't forgotten you. A piece of state legislature has been passed. And I'm happy to tell you that your marriage is perfectly in order. You are married. Married? I said, you are married. Married? Yes, that's right. For better or for worse, as long as you both should live. And now could I have my two dollars back, please? Well, goodbye. Oh, darling. Oh, sister, you're hooked. You know, I'm kind of glad it's all set. I did miss you, darling, because... well, there's no one in the world quite like you, Dever. Of course not. I told you that. And, Aida, darling, we'll never have another fight as long as we live. You bet we won't. From now on, we'll live happily ever after. Oh, darling, it's so nice to be in your arms again. Hold me tight. David? Yes? How many girls have you loved before you met me? Oh, no, you don't. I've been vaccinated, sister. No more questions, no more answers. But if you really want to know, I've never loved another girl. And what's more, I never will. I love you. Only you, Mrs. Smith. In just a moment, Victor Jory will return to the microphone. Of course, it's bad enough when a bothersome cold drags you down and spoils the plans you've made for Sunday. But think about tomorrow and do something about that coldest stress. You have the personal experience of millions of thankful families to guide you. Tonight at bedtime, do this. Rub Vic's vapor rub on your throat, chest and back. Vapo rub's famous relief giving action starts right to work. And it keeps on working for hours to bring you wonderful comfort. It invites restful sleep. And often by morning, most of the misery of that cold is gone. Yes? If you have a cold, don't take needless chances with untried remedies. Rub on Vapo rub, the modern way so widely used these days. The best-known home remedy for relieving distress of colds. Time-tested, home-proved, Vic's Vapo rub. This is Victor Jory speaking. I want to acknowledge the many requests for your favorite plays. Next week's choice was voted for very heavily from all parts of the country. It was from Charlotte Brontes and mortal classic, Jane Eyre. I'll play the role of Rochester, and Jane Eyre will be played by one of your favorite leading ladies. Will you again help me to decide the following week's play? Our sponsor, Vicks, wants me at all times to present your favorites. Write me, Cara Vicks Matinee Theater, Columbia Broadcasting, 22, New York. The role of Anne in today's play was played by Betty Winkler. Mr. and Mrs. Smith was adapted by Jean Holloway from RKO's motion picture of the same name, and was directed by Richard Sanville. RKO is currently presenting one of their finest pictures, None but the Lonely Heart, with Cary Grant and Ethel Barrymore. Victor Jory is now co-starring with Miriam Hopkins in The Perfect Marriage. Music for this series is under the direction of Mark Warnold. Be sure to listen again next week. When Vicks, the makers of Vicks' papal rubs, Vicks' vapronol, Vicks' cough drops, and Vicks' inhaler presents the Matinee Theater's production of Jane Eyre, starring Victor Jory as Rochester. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.