 The Jack Benny program. Quality of product is essential to continuing success. Hail, il fo di boia da... Lucky strike means fine tobacco. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. LSMFT, LSMFT, LSMFT... Right you are. Yes, sir. Lucky strike means fine tobacco So round so firm so fully packed So free and easy on the draw For your own real deep down smoking enjoyment Smoke lucky strike For lucky strike means fine tobacco Yes, lucky strike means fine tobacco The finer the lighter the naturally milder Lucky strike tobacco So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco Lucky strike Ya da da da, mon mol, mon mol. Mee woot. To ya dot daICa. I dot dot daICv. Folded-five sold our minimizing. TUCKY Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Larry Stephens and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, let's go out to Jack Benny's home in Beverly Hills. At the moment Rochester is alone in the kitchen preparing breakfast. Of course the table sure does look appetizing. A large glass of and juice. A bowl of corn flakes and crème two fried eggs, sunny side up, a thick slice of ham, a piping hot cup of coffee, and three honey-covered English muffins. Well, now I better make some tea and toast with Mr. Berry's breakfast. I'll treat today. I'll scrape the toast. No, he likes to do it himself. That's the only exercise he gets. Uh-oh, here comes the boss now. Good morning, Rochester. Now, let's see. What have we got for, oh, orange juice, corn flakes, ham and eggs. Rochester, what'd you make such a big breakfast for? You know I'm on a diet. Oh, darn, that's right. Now, we can't let all this food go to waste. You made it, and you'll have to eat it yourself. Oh, boss, don't be so mean to me. Mean? Well, I've been on a diet a whole month, and every morning I come down and find the same big breakfast. Now, how can you make such a mistake? Well. And what's that strawberry shortcake on top of the oven? That's the dessert for the mistake I'm going to make for dinner. What did you say, Rochester? Disregard, boss. Disregard it. Well, just don't let it happen again. I'll have this tea and toast. And look how burnt the toast is. It's like charcoal. Give me a knife. I'll scrape it. Yes, sir. Oh, the toast is hot. You hold it, Rochester. Here. I got it. Scrape away. Take it easy, boss. You're down to me. English muffins. Say, that looks good. It's got honey all over it. And look at that raisin on top. That's a bee. He's still working on it. Oh, yeah, go away, bee. Go away, go away. I like those California bees. They open the windows themselves. I'll have my tea now. Never mind. You answer the door. I'll get the tea myself. Yes, sir. Here's Mr. Benny. Oh, I'm sorry, Rochester. I didn't know. Didn't know what? Well, that black band you're wearing around your sleeve. All this. Mr. Benny makes me wear it every time he loses the Academy Award. Mr. Benny, take it so hard. A lot of actors lose it. I know, but he's been losing it since 1902. Hiya, Jackson. So you lost the Academy Award again, huh? Yeah, Crosby won it. And you know, Phil, it's going to be hard to hate him. He's such a nice guy. Maybe I can hate one of his kids. But I'll tell you one thing, Phil. I didn't mind losing the award this year, but I certainly think I should have won it when I made that picture. George Washington slept here. George Washington slept here? You didn't even come close that year, did you, Jackson? Close? Washington got more votes than he did. Rochester. The bad came in second. Never mind. And bring Mr. Harrison coffee. OK. Phil, what brings you over here so early? Well, Jackson, I got great news for you. You know how you and Mary have always been picking on me for running around and wasting my time? Yeah. Well, starting the day, I'm going to settle down and be a dignified businessman. Well, congratulations, Phil. What did you do? Bought a saloon. A nightclub. Oh, a nightclub. That's different. Yeah. Me and Frankie, my guitar player, running it, and things are going great, Jackson. Last night, our bartender was so busy mixing them drinks he didn't have time to sit down. No kidding. Yeah, and tonight ought to be even better. We're going to let the customers in. Oh, I see. So you and Frankie bought a nightclub, eh? What are you going to call the place? Well, I ain't got a name for it, Chip, but. Well, I got a slogan. A slogan? Yeah, you know, like Duffy's Tavern. Now, their slogan is, uh, where the elite come to eat. Uh-huh. Mine's going to be where the swine come to dine. Phil, are you crazy? You going to call your customer swine? When you got to close at 12, Jackson, it'll make no difference what you're calling. Take my advice, Phil. You've got a great opportunity to be a businessman. If you want to be successful, run your nightclub in a real high-class way. Don't you worry, Jackson. I'll handle the joint right. Here's your coffee, Mr. Hale. Thanks, Rach. Hey, what's that noise, Jackson? Oh, that's the sculptor working upstairs. I wish he'd finish that statue of me and go back to St. Joe. How's the coffee, Phil? Well, Jackson, hey, let's turn on the radio and see what's going on, huh? OK. Oh, what a part for Ingrid. You get another station, Phil, will you? Your teeth suffering from middle-aged spread is your tappermis. I ain't hope for people under 35. And to you people who are exactly 35. Sweet, I missed it by one year. Special guest, the singing star of the Lucky Strike program, Larry Stevens. That's right, Phil. Larry Stevens told me he was going to be on that show. Yeah, let's give the kid a listen. OK. They pay for guest shots. That's a good song, Phil. I must learn on the violin. Raise the awning, mother, cause daddy's leading a shady line. Learn on the hit parade. There's somebody at the door. Shut off the radio, Phil. Come in. A little heavy, Jack, so every morning I go for a five-mile horseback ride. Oh. I was out this way, so I thought I'd just drop in. Good, good. Where's your horse? Well, he's lying down on your front lawn. He'll stab you. He is? Yeah, but you ain't going to like your expression. Why, has he got me frowning or smiling? You can take your choice again. Heaven's sake. You look like you're going bowling. I think that's wonderful. What's so wonderful about two heads? You can smoke two Lucky Strikes at the same time. Well, I'll beat her. And between those delightful pups, one mouth can say LSMFT, and the other one can answer, why, sure. You bet. That's right. Lucky Strike means fine. That sculptor is finished with my statue. It better be the way I want it. Hey, Jackson, I've got to run along now. See you later. I'm going to, Jack. Oh, wait a minute, fellas. I'll go out with you. So long, Jackson. Bye, Jack. So long, fellas. She's so nice out. I think I'll take a little walk. Oh, Rochester, I'll be back in a little while. This is really a nice day. Yeah, da-dee-da-dum, dum-dum-da-deem, da-dum, bum-dee-da-dum. Da-dum, dum-dee-da-deem, da-dum. Haven't seen you in quite a while. Oh, that. Don't take it so hard, Lassie. I didn't win either. Yeah, da-dee-da-dum, da-dum. Terrific song. Well, I've walked far enough. Yes, I'll turn around and go back. Well, here comes that little girl that's on the Fibber McGee program. Hello, little girl. Hello. I betcha I know who you are. I betcha, I betcha, I betcha. Poor little thing has a cold. Da-dum, dum-dum, da-dum, da-dum, da-dum, da-dum, da-dum. Oh, Mr. Benny. Huh? Oh, it's you, Mr. Kern. Yeah, I was just on my way over to your house. You were? Yes. You know that interview you gave me last week about how you found Rochester? It was very interesting. My editor liked it a lot. Well, I'm glad. In fact, he liked it so much, he sent me back to get another story. Really? Mm-hmm. He wants to know how you found Mary Livingston. Oh, Mary? Well, Mr. Kerns, this is a rather unusual story. Walk back with me. I'll tell you all about it. OK. Now, Mary, as I mentioned last week, joined me on the radio about three months after I got started. I happened to be in Los Angeles at the time, almost 14 years ago. Yes, I remember that was the day I bought this shirt I'm wearing. They give guarantees, you know. Anyway, it was the latter part of 1932. That's right, 1932. I was downtown, and as I was passing the May Company, I noticed they were running a sale, so I stopped to look in the window. Buster Gigolo. Now, people know the part I'm playing. Gee, that's a catchy new tune. Yum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum. Fall is such a nice time of year. Leaves are turning brown, and the air is... I wonder if Hoover will be re-elected. I think I'll get me one of those high collars. Nah, my neck's too short. When the blue of the night, boo-boo-boo-boo-boo, boo-boo-boo-boo, boo-boo-boo-boo-boo, boo-boo-boo. That new singer has a nice style, but he can't last. Hey, look at those shirts in the window. Silk ones with stripes. $4.98, marked down to $1.99. I think I'll go in and let him try to sell me one. Let's see. I wonder where they... Oh, pardon me, sir. Can you tell me where the shirt counter is? Shirt counter? What are you asking me? Do I look like maybe a floor walking? Well, I thought you were. You see, you're not wearing a hat. In this depression, who could afford a rat? Oh, I'm sorry. Well, maybe I can help you get a job. What do you do? Well, I do different things. I can be a cotton-tuner. Uh-huh? I am also a plum-tun-tuner. A plumber? Uh-huh. And I'm also a very good pink-tun-tuner. Oh, you can do a lot of things, can't you? Yeah, but in this depression, there's nothing to pink-tun or to plump-tun or to cotton-tun-tun. That's too bad. Well, thank just the same, but I've got to find the shirt counter. Oh, well, say, maybe I could enlighten-tun-tuning you. Never mind. I'll find it myself. Oh, there it is over there. Boy, look at those sporty shirts. I love those new long-pointed collars. What can I do for you, young man? I want to buy a shirt. I like the silk one with the stripes. Yes, sir. Shall I wear it for a few days or do you want to break it in yourself? I'll, uh, I'll take it now. How much is it? Well, that'll be $1.99. $1.99? Okay, here's $2. Well, I'll have to go upstairs for the change. Oh, that's all right. I'll wait. Just a gigolo everywhere I go. A people-northy. Hey. Look at that beautiful dame behind the hosiery counter. What a chicken. I think she's looking at me, too. Going over and trying to date her up. Say, Mary. Mary. What is it, Mabel? Look at that guy over there. He's staring at you. Where? Right over there at the shirt counter. Say, he looks kind of prosperous down there. How can you tell with those bell-bottom pants he might be barefoot? Look at him winking at us with both eyes. And get a load of that straw hat he's wearing with the bright red ribbon around it. Yeah, and look what it says on it. Oh, you kid. Mabel, he's tipping his hat at us. Yeah, he's got the string in his car kit. Oh, wait a minute. He's coming over here. Do you want me to take him, Mary? No, no, I can handle him. Just a gigolo everywhere I go. Now, people know the part I'm playing. Look, Adam, he's walking like Cedar Bearer. Yum-dum-dee-dee-doom. Yum-dum-dee-doom. Hello, kiddo. Where have you been all my life? Avoiding it. Hey, you're good. Just my type. I like my tomatoes with a little spice. Say, say, baby, what's your name? Mary. Mary what? Quite contrary? Oh, brother, is this guy corny. What was that? Look, my name is Mary Livingston. I was born in Plainfield, New Jersey. I know I should be in pictures, but I'm happy here at the make-up. They think I'm a very good sales girl. Now, what do you want, Jelly Bean? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Take it easy. You got me wrong, baby. Oh, stop tipping your hat. What? And take your bag of peanuts off the counter. No, no, baby. I put those up there on purpose. Help yourself. Help yourself. Say, you're a pretty sporty guy. Do you think so? Yeah. You always carry that ukulele? Oh, this? You ought to hear me out in a canoe. I bet that ukulele set you back planning. No, no. They gave it to me when I bought this suit. Say, Mary, you know why I'm calling you Mary, do you mean? If I am, if I wait around and you get through, can I take you home? No, I don't think so. Oh, why not? I got a taxi outside. Look, I went out with a taxi driver once in the way. I'm not a taxi driver. Look, baby, don't you know who I am? No, thrill me. Hang on to the counter, baby, and brace yourself. I'm Jack Benny. Can I let go of the counter now? You're kidding, baby. You know who I am. I'm a big shot. I've been on the radio three months. So what? My alarm clock's been on the radio three years, and I got that at Woolworth. You're alive. I saw the trigger. What are you doing working here in a department store? You should be on the radio. What did I tell you, Mabel? I knew it was coming. What? My mother told me there'd be men like you, but I thought they'd be much younger. What did you say? You're terrific. Listen, baby, you got everything it takes. Good looks and nice speaking voice. And what a personality. I'll bet you tell that to all the girls. No, I don't. What are you laughing at? The way you're leaning against the counter. Why? It's pressing the bulb in your pocket, and the water's squirting out of that flower in your lapel. Say, I can't fool you at all, can I? Listen, Mary. Mary, listen, you ought to be on the radio with me. I'll get you places. You'll be a big star. Say, you're not kidding, are you? Of course not. Why don't you meet me tonight for dinner and we'll talk things over. OK. You know there's a nice cafeteria across the street and we can- Cafeteria, not when you go out with Benny, baby. I'll take you to the Brown Derby and afterwards we'll go dancing at the Copeland Grove. When you're out with me, baby, money means nothing. Well, I'll take you to- Part of me, mister, here's your penny change. Thank you. I'll take you any place you want to go. All right, I'll meet you in front of the store at six o'clock. I'll be there so long. So long. Oh, boy, she's going to be great on my radio program. Of course, I don't want to spoil her. I wonder how much they pay her at the maid company. Oh, I'll ask her tonight when we're having dinner at the cafeteria. That, Mr. Kerns, is how I found Ms. Livingston. Well, that's a very interesting story. Well, here's my house, Mr. Kerns. Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee? No, thanks. I've got to run along now. Goodbye, Mr. Benny. Goodbye. Ladies and gentlemen, the recent meeting of the big three at Yalta proved that even though the war is far from over, the Allied nations are preparing for peace and time of war. Planning the nucleus, perhaps the fundamental framework of a post-war organization to make certain that war does not come again. Nations are made up of individuals, people like you and me. And we, as individuals, must coordinate our efforts for that post-war peace by supporting all war activities. Now is the time to protect and strengthen our knockout blow by giving freely to the Red Cross, buying and keeping war bonds, giving more blood for plasma, by supporting rationing, writing cheerful V-mail letters to him over there, and sticking to our wartime jobs. There's no difference between individuals and nations. Thank you. Back with us for a moment. First pair of my good friends, L.A. Speed Riggs and Kenneth Delmar. Filly folded to doodle doodle doodle. So do quilting. Smoke-fet smoke of fine tobacco Lucky Strike. It takes fine tobacco to make a fine cigarette. And independent tobacco experts present at the auctions can see Lucky Strike by the finer, the lighter, the naturally milder Lucky Strike tobacco. This fine Lucky Strike tobacco means real, deep, down, smoking enjoyment for you. So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco Lucky Strike, The famous tobacco auctioneers for tonight's program are Mr. L.A., Speedrigs of Goldsboro, North Carolina, If Emerita & so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw well folks this ends another program and we'll be with you next Sunday night broadcasting from the redistribution station at Santa Barbara meanwhile oh Jack Jack I'm so sorry I'm late it's the first time I've ever missed a program yeah what happened to you well I took a nap before the broadcast my alarm didn't go off well it's all right Mary don't worry about it what'd you do Jack what was the show about oh nothing nothing oh come on tell me no no you wouldn't be interested goodnight folks this is the national broadcasting company