 J-E-L-L-O! The Tello program starring Jack Denney with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens the program with just one of those things. Ladies and gentlemen, it may be perfectly true that a rose by any other name would be as fragrant. But if you didn't know what to ask for, you'd never get to enjoy it. So a name is important, it's mighty important, whether you're buying flowers for fragrance or desserts for flavor. That's why we urge you to look for the name J-E-L-L-O whenever you're buying a gelatin dessert. Because that name is a trademark. It's the property of general foods, and it tells you that here is the real thing. The one and only J-E-L-O. If you hear any other dessert called J-E-L-O, you'll know that's incorrect, for there is no other J-E-L-O. And you'll find it's worthwhile to insist on J-E-L-O because J-E-L-O brings you delicious extra-rich fruit flavor. It's put there by a special process, and it's sealed right in so it can't get out. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. All six have this extra-rich goodness that makes J-E-L-O America's favorite gelatin dessert. So look for those big red letters on the box. They spell J-E-L-O. These things played by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, tonight we bring you... Oh, just a moment, folks. Mary? Mary, where's Jack? He'll be right in. He's in the next room sending a telegram. Oh, he's been in there ten minutes. What's it all about? I don't know. Jack said it was none of my business, so let's open the door and listen. Oh, I wouldn't do that. Mary, it isn't cricket. We're not in England now. Open it up, Mary. Okay. Gee, he looks mad. Operator. Operator, will you please pay attention? I asked for Western Union. You gave me the Plummer's Union three times. I did. Yes, I'm not a plumber. I don't know a plunger from a trombone. Now, will you please get me Western Union? All right, handsome. Handsome? Well, you can't even see my face. Well, I can dream, can't I? It's all you've been doing. Now, will you please make it snappy? Just a moment. I'll let you talk to information. Look, I don't want to talk to information. For goodness' sake, you can talk to the girl. You don't have to marry her. Look, miss, I'm in a hurry. Will you please get me Western Union? Okay. Gee, that guy fights with everybody. Especially on telephones. Quiet, you two. Here's your party. It's about time. Hello? Western Meat Market, what's your order, please? I'd like a pound. Hey, wait a minute. I've got the wrong number. Operator. Operator. Number, please. Look, Operator, this is old faithful talking. Now, if it's all right with you, I'd like to send a telegram. Oh, you want Western Union? Yes, and congratulations. This is the longest conversation since Cohen on the telephone. Now, look, Operator, it's the last time I'm going to... Hello, this is Western Union. What? This is Western Union. Well, for heaven's sake, it's sure good to hear your voice. How are you? Oh, hello, Joe. When did you get in town? I'm sorry, miss, but I'm not Joe. Look, I want to send a wire to Fred Allen, New York City. Oh, so that's a big mystery. This ought to be good. Did you get the name Miss Fred Allen? Allen, how do you spell it? A is an amp eater. L is in liar. Another L is in leech. E-N. Now, here's the message. Dear Mr. Allen, heard your program again last Wednesday, and this is your final warning. Oh, did you hear him, too? I thought I'd died when he said Jack Benny was a male impersonator. That's very funny. Now, take my message. Yes, sir. Mr. Allen, if you ever mentioned the name of Jack Benny again, the undersigned will personally come to New York and kick your new but unpaid-for teeth out. Have you got that? Yeah. Good. Sign it the clutching hand. How much is that? Straight message. Just a moment, please. The clutching hand? Where did Jack get that name? Oh, you know his rheumatism. Quiet. Let's go back. How much is it, miss? I haven't got all day. That'll be $2.46 for a straight message. Fine. Send it collect. Thank you, Mr. Hand. Goodbye. Goodbye. Well, that's that. Allen will never guess who sent that wire and he'll be plenty scared. Oh, now what? Hello? Hello. I got Western Union for you. I... I just talked to Western Union. Young lady, how do you keep your job, anyway? Well, right now I'm sitting on the boss' lap. Oh. 800 telephone operators in this city and I had to get her. I'm late, Don. You can introduce me now. Okay. That was one o'clock jump played by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you that suave comedian, that sophisticated humorist, that clutching hand, Jack Benny. Hello again. This is Jack Benny talking, clutching hand. Don, what's the matter with this gang, anyway? Can't I even make a telephone call without everybody eavesdropping? Well, Jack, it really wasn't my idea. Oh, it wasn't. No, I thought of it. You know me. I'm just a spy at heart. Oh, you are. Well, listen, Madam Harris. I think, I think spying is about as low a trick as any human being can possibly do. You're right, Jack. Certainly I'm right. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Clutch. Oh, you too. Well, if you want to know something, Mary, you're nothing but a little snoop. Well, at least I never signed a fake name to a telegram. Yeah. Where did you get that clutching hand stuff? Bill, it so happens that that was my nickname when I was a kid. Everybody used to call me clutching hand Benny. Why? Because I never had a belt for my pants. That's why. Are you satisfied? Well, I got the impression you were trying to scare Fred Allen. Did you hear him Wednesday night? Yes, I heard him. I heard him. Every week, I get the same question. Well, I tuned in last Wednesday, and I thought he was exceptionally amusing. Amusing? Don, I've listened to seashells that were more entertaining than Allen's. And another thing, to hear Allen talk, you'd think I was a weakling in a cop. Well, I think I was a weakling in a cop. And another thing, to hear Allen talk, you'd think I was a weakling in a coward. That's right. The Daily Double. Quiet. And you know, Jack, there isn't a week goes by that Allen doesn't mention how tight you are. He says I'm tight. He's a fine one to talk. Any man that'll tar and feather his straw hat so he can wear it in the wintertime. Well. No kidding, Jack. Is he really that stingy? Stingy, you want to hear something, Don? I went over to his house one day bringing cheese on mousetraps. Isn't that awful, Mary? Starving a poor little mouse. Well, I never saw a fat one in your house. Because that's all I've got several with double chin. Anyway, let's drop, Allen, talking about something a little more pleasant. Well, speaking of something pleasant, I have some good news for you, Jack. You have? What is it, Don? Well, Phil tells me he's not going to leave our program after all. Really? Why, Phil, what caused this sudden change in your plans? Well, Jack, I thought the whole thing over. And after all, you've always been a regular guy with me. And you're a pretty sweet fellow to work for. And besides that, I had a little trouble with my sponsor. Oh, I thought it was something like that. What happened between you and the bubblegum king there? Well, just as we were signing a contract where I was to direct the 90-piece symphony orchestra, they threw a net over them. Oh. I thought there was something crazy about that guy. Did he suspect anything? Well, no. I thought he was all right. Until one afternoon, we just finished a rehearsal. Uh-huh. And the sponsor said to me, can I take you home? I got my elephant waiting outside. An elephant? He must have been baddie. Say, Mary, you had lunch with him a couple of times. Didn't you notice he was nuts? I'll say. He used to order fruitcake and laugh at us. Well, Phil, all I can say is I hope you've learned a lesson and be satisfied to work for a nice fellow like me. Oh, hello, Kenny. Hi, Jack. Say, Jack, you want to hear something funny? What is it, Kenny? I was in the restaurant across the street a few minutes ago, and, you know, they got a new waitress there. Yeah? So I ordered a cup of coffee, and then I got to talking to her. Uh-huh. And I finally made a date to take her out tonight. Oh, boy! Well, what are you laughing at? Boy, is she homely. You certainly pick them, Kenny, so you dated her up, eh? Yeah. And you know what her name is? What? Buck Tooth Annie. That's fine. Can you imagine that Mary's going out with a girl that has buck teeth? Well, he's got to hang his hat someplace, don't he? That's right. Well, Kenny, now that you're all excited about your date, have you got a good song for us tonight? Oh, sure. I got a pip. Well, that's well. Let's have it. Okay. Oh, say, Jack, not changing the subject, but, uh, did you hear F-A last Wednesday night? Yes, I heard F-A, and I thought he was L-Z. Now, let's not bring that up again. Gee, didn't you laugh when he said your arm looks like a buggy whip with fingers? My arm looks like a buggy whip, eh? Well, he ought to know. What do you mean, he ought to know? Don, when you're riding behind a horse, and you take the buggy whip in your hand and hit something, well, he ought to know. And now, Kenny, if you're ready, you may go ahead with your song. Wait a minute. Come in. Telegram for Jack Benny. Right here, boy. It's collect. Okay. Wait a minute, Mary. Don't touch it. That's from Fred Allen. Send it back, buddy. I refuse to accept it. Well, I refuse to be surprised. Goodbye. When Allen isn't going to catch me napping, sing, Kenny. Imagine trying to hook me for a collect telegram. Come out of your dream. Come in through my assles in the air. Tell me with a kiss that you're as friendly as you seem a million miles away. It was, please come out of your dream sung by Kenny Baker, who never will. That was really beautiful, Kenny. Gee, some night I wish you'd sing five or six numbers on our program. I better get five or six checks, too. All right, Kenny, I was just paying you a compliment. What a gang. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our feature attraction tonight... Some compliment. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our feature attraction tonight, we are going to present our version of Paramount's famous Chinese picture, Hop a Lung Cassidy. I will play Hop, Mary will be Lung, and Kenny will... Pardon me, folks. Come in. Oh, it's you. Hello, Aubrey. Hi, chief. Everything's okay outside. How's it going in here? Oh, everything is fine, Aubrey. Just keep your eyes open. That's all. I got you, chief. Ready to go home now? In a little while. Oh, fellas, this is my bodyguard, Aubrey Mulligan. Your bodyguard? Yes, I just hired him today. My goodness, Jack, what do you need a bodyguard for? Somebody's got to help him find his glasses. That's not the only reason, Mary. I figured that Alan might send some thugs out here to get me, and I want to be ready. Thugs, eh? Then you're not scared of Alan personally, is that it? Listen, Phil, why should I be scared of a fella who's so frail that he has feigning spells at least three times a week? Feigning spells? Yes. You know how Alan talks through his nose. You think that's adenoids, don't you? It is adenoids. It is not. That obstruction in his nose is built in smelling salts. So the only reason I got Aubrey is for protection against Alan's henchmen. Aubrey, sit down here and wait till the program is over. Okay. Hey, Chief, how about giving me a knockdown of the day? Oh, yes. Yeah, this is Mary Livingston. Hiya, babe. What you doing tonight? Nothing. You want to shoot some pool? Mary, that is a nice. Now, Aubrey, besides being a bodyguard, there are a couple of more things I want you to do for me, and they're very important. Oh, by the way, can you read? In a pinch, Chief. In a pinch. Well, wait a minute. I've got to find out right now. Oh, Don, give me that piece of paper you got there, will ya? Okay. Go ahead. Read it, Aubrey. The whole thing? Yeah, the whole thing. Go ahead. Okay. It says here, uh, Ladies and gentlemen, the next time you're in a mood for a delicious and temp-tatin-dezoit, why don't you go to your nearest grocer? Pardon me, Aubrey. That's not temp-tatin. It's temp-tine. Yes, yes. Okay, temp-tine. And ask them for package of jello. It ain't only easy to make, but it's a conimal as well. A conimal? That's not a conimal. It's economical. Stop buttonin' or I'll lay one on ya. Aubrey, Aubrey, control yourself. Uh, okay, Chief. It ain't only easy to make, but it's a conimal. You want to make somethin' out of it? Aubrey, please, please. It comes in six delicious flavors. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and limb. It's a lie, but it was pretty good, Aubrey. Now, just stay around till after the program and you can take me home. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as I started to announce before, tonight, we are going to present... Pardon me, I'll take it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Bennett, this is Rochester, Tolton. Oh, what do you want? A telegram just came to the house for ya. $8.80 collect. Well, don't accept it. That wire's from Fred Allen. He sent it to me for a gag. Well, he must be livin' now. I paid for it. Paid for? Where did you get $8.80? I ripped open the mattress and dipped it into your reserve fund. Oh, you did, eh? Well, stay away from there. Incidentally, I've been missing a lot of bills lately, so I wish you'd stop making my bed with a vacuum cleaner. Now, keep the telegram. I'll read it when I get home. Okay. Oh, now hop in the car and pick me up. I'll be ready in about 15 minutes. I ain't goin' near that car, boss. Why, what's the matter with it now? Well, every time I step on the starter, it's a mess. Oh, are they doing that again? Well, what happens when you use the crank? Coffee comes out. Now, that's just a big lie. Well, never mind. I'll take a cab home. Okay, so long, boss. So long. Oh, say, boss, I think you better come home right away. Why, is there anything wrong? Well, there's a man been prowling around the house all day and now he's in the backyard. In the backyard? Oh, I get it. I'll be right home, Rochester. In the meantime, do something to keep that man there. Shall I throw him some silverware? I'll see you in a little while. Say, fellas, I'm going to run along now. Rochester to tell me there's someone prowling around my backyard. I bet Allen's got something to do with it. That's what I think. Come on, Aubrey. Here's your chance. Okay, Chief. Wait a minute, Jack. I'm going with you. Nothing doing, Mary. There might be some rough stuff and you're liable to get hurt. Go on. I can run as fast as you can. Well, all right. Come on. Let's go, Aubrey. Follow me, Chief. I'll take you home on my car. Okay. Come on, Mary. The same place for your car to run out of gas. I'm sorry, Chief. See, are you sure you ran out of gas, Aubrey? Gee, the gate said full. I said I was out of gas, didn't I? Yes. Yes. Yes. When you're out of gas, you're out of gas. I know, but I wanted to get home in a hurry. Oh, Jack, we only got five more blocks. Five more blocks? My feet are killing me. Say, Aubrey, why are we walking down such a dark street? Gee, the main boulevard is only two blocks away. It's more romantic here. Oh. Well, anyway, it's a beautiful night, isn't it? Yeah. No, say, Aubrey, I just happen to think I forgot to ask you for references. Yeah, that's too bad. Yeah. Are you worried, Jack? No, I'm not worried. I'm just tired. Say, Jack, get a load of that tough-looking guy coming towards us. Where? Oh, yes. Hello, Mulligan. Well, as I live and breathe, if it ain't the doctor. The doctor? Say, Chief, I'd like to have you meet a friend of mine. Dr. Thorndike. Oh, glad to know you, Doctor. This is Mary Livingston. Pleased to meet you. How do you do? Funny looking doctor. Are you going our way, Doc? Yeah, I find tonight the most beneficial and soothing. So I might as well walk along with you guys. Do you mind, Chief? No, no, no. Come right along, Dr. Thorndike. Well, yes, sir. Who live in this neighborhood, Doctor? I ain't talking, buddy. Oh. Well, what kind of a doctor are you? He's a swell soigin. A soigin? Yeah, what's the matter? Don't you like it? Oh, yeah. Yeah, some of my best friends are soigins. Say, Jack, I don't think he's a doctor at all. Look at that bulge in his coat pocket. Oh, that's just his handkerchief. Well, it's got a trigger on it. Well, gentlemen, this walk is very invigorating, isn't it? It sure is. Oh, Jack, here comes another guy. Oh, my goodness. Well, if it ain't Aubrey Mulligan and Dr. Thorndike. Hello, Professor Kingsley. Professor? Kingsley yet? Well, ain't this a coincidence. Oh, Professor, this is Jack Benny. Well, how do you do, Professor? Hiya, buddy. Who's your squit? Just call me Levy the Lug. Well, I hate to be rude, but I think I'll run ahead. I'm quite anxious to get home. No, you don't, Chief. Hey, Professor, you want to take a walk with us? Sure. I find a night air most beneficial and soothing. So I might as well walk along with you guys. Well, beautiful evening, isn't it, Professor Kingsley? Yes, and nuts. That's good. Hey, Jack, get a load of the Professor's cauliflower ears. Well, maybe he teaches boxing. Who knows, huh? Well, Aubrey, another couple of blocks, and we'll be home. Safe and sound, huh, Aubrey? Yeah. Do you think it's dark enough here, Professor? Well, what do you think, Doctor? My check, it's okay. See, it's swell. It's night air, so beneficial and soothing. Isn't it, fellas? Yeah. All right, buddy, stick them up. What? You hide me up with your hands. Why, Aubrey? Yeah, don't talk. Okay, so long, fellas. Goodbye, Jack. I'll see you tomorrow if I don't talk. All right, boys. All right, you put one over on me. All right, here's my dough. Now leave me alone. Hey, that's a beautiful word. Yeah, you take it, Doctor. I forgot to send you something for Christmas. Sentimental, fellas, anyway. Shut up! All right, boys. All right, you got my money and watch. Why are you taking no chances off with your pants? My pants? She was, fellas. We're in Beverly Hills. Grab hold of them. Doc will rip them off. Come on, Jack. Come on, fellas. Oh, my goodness. What's the matter with you guys? Hey, fellas, get a load of them full legs. I knew I'm going to report you guys to the police. Yeah, do that little thing. Come on, let's grab, fellas. Son of a... Aubrey Mulligan, you're fired. That's a fine thing. Yeah, on the street here in my BVDs. Oh, well, I've only got another block to go, so I'll run home. Gee, I'm so embarrassed. Hello, Jack. Hello, Barbara. Oh, my goodness, of all times to meet Barbara Stanwyck. Oh, Rochester! Rochester, open the door! Here's a fashion hint for your dining table. You all know how a touch of bright, gay color can dress up a plain costume. Well, a bright, cheerful dessert can dress up a plain meal and make it mighty festive. And here's one you'll want to try. Apricot pecan layers, a swell, colorful combination of orange jello and canned apricots. And you make it like this. First, arrange six halves of canned apricots in a mold. Then dissolve one package of orange jello in a pint of hot water and pour the jello carefully over the apricots. Sprinkle with a quarter cup of broken pecan meats and chill until firm. Believe me, there's a picture. Fruit-rich, shimmering orange jello with cheerful a spring sunshine with delicious apricots held firmly inside that glowing mold. Just try it yourself. It's a grand dessert. Ask your grocer tomorrow for orange jello and treat the family to apricot pecan layers. And for that delicious, extra-rich fruit flavor, just be sure you get genuine jello. The last number of the 19th program in the New Jello Series, and we will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. And now, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to take this opportunity to thank my listeners, as well as the radio editors and critics throughout the United States and Canada for the lovely tribute they paid the jello program, members of my cast and myself, in the recent polls conducted by the New York World Telegram and the Radio Daily. So thanks again, folks, and good night. Pennybacker affairs on the jello program for courtesy of Marvin LaLaurie production. This can be loved is from the Boyce & Syracuse. This is the National Broadcasting Company.