 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, this crazy method, this crazy method makes them fall madly in love with you. Really quickly before we get started, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if anytime during this video, this content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. Occasionally I use expletives to enhance a sentence and if that's not your cup of tea, meaning F-bombs here or there, then I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my perceptions and my opinions. By no way do I mean this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself and I invite you to explore what I share today for your own, not just enjoyment, but for your own growth. All right, let's jump into this crazy method makes man fall madly in love with you. And as one of our followers said, is this a click bait title? You know folks, the idea of a click bait title is basically these are actually keyword generated titles. So it gets you to actually click. And hopefully I'm gonna say this, beyond the click you actually get value and what I'm about to share. So let's face it. What's the point of dating? What's the point of being a relationship if we don't want to experience love? Well, for some people it might strictly be companionship. For some people it might just be connection. For some people it might be physical intimacy. For some people it might be dependency. I'm a little bit different. I'd like to think that relationships are all encompassing all of that to some degree and we get this magic thing called love along with it. We get to experience. What I often say is deep, delicious, juicy. If you're in a delicious, juicy, healthy relationship where you love each other, where you have attention, affection and appreciation for one another on a regular basis. So to me, that's the purpose of dating. That's the purpose of being in a relationship. Here's the thing. There's basically healthy individuals and unhealthy individuals. And so let me say with respects to men there are either healthy men or unhealthy men. And most of the time we are dating unhealthy people, emotionally unhealthy people. Let me reframe that, emotionally unhealthy people. They are struggling on the inside in some way, shape or form because they're suffered from childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas that cause them to have negative patterns and limiting beliefs in their life that oftentimes sabotage their love life. So this is what we're faced with. This is the majority of the population and anybody tells you otherwise, I can say just from empirical or from anecdotal perspective, this is the majority. So because of that, I witnessed so many women give their power away in a relationship. Let me repeat that. I witnessed so many women give their power away to a man in relationship, feeling that I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to like me and love me so I can feel good about myself. This is why I'm such a big proponent of human beings doing personal development, self-help and spiritual work to heal that little child inside of us who's suffering so we can experience a level of inner peace. And the reason why is when we can experience this level of inner peace, we're actually capable of going into deeper love. And this is one of the reasons why I wrote my book What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? By the way, there's a link below to get my book. The point is, is first and foremost, I read, you know, you've heard the phrase how can we love others if we don't love ourselves? Now I'm a big proponent that there's the truth to that is isn't that we absolutely love ourselves at the same time though that we are working on loving ourselves because when we're working on loving ourselves and somebody else is working on loving on themselves and what I mean to say is they've got, they do introspective work. They do maybe some personal development, self-help or spiritual work to shore up that place inside of us so they're capable to actually loving on another human being. And I am sure you've, I've even, I've shot videos about how men fall in love. I've shot videos on how women fall in love and we have all of these little things, you know, all these little tricks to teach you as dating coach about falling in love and what makes men love you and what makes women love you. But I'm here to say if we get to the heart of it, if we get to the real heart, where do we find love? Is it in the perfection of a person or is it in the imperfection? Let me repeat that. Is it in the perfection of a person or the imperfection? And I wanna share with you one of my all-time favorite movies that I talk about frequently and that's the movie when Harry met Sally. And while I don't necessarily think movies are a true representation of our actual lives out there because this is like, you know, how do you condense 10 years into two hours? You know, they're missing all the dysfunction that happens in life. And yet what I love about the movie when Harry met Sally is that the one thing about Sally was she was her authentic self throughout the entire movie. The good, the bad, the warts and all, she was her authentic self. She was her authentic self. So let's, you know, and everybody knows that she had a very unique way of ordering food. In fact, we would call her behavior rather neurotic. She was neurotic the way she ordered food. She was neurotic in other areas of life. Everything about her seemed like she was riddled with neurosis. And let's not forget that Harry was somewhat of a misogynist player type and where they met with one another was in their heart, where they met with one another was in their way they communicated with one another. The way they met with one another was being radically honest with one another. That's how they met one another. I don't, when I say met, I met emotionally connected with one another from that energetics perspective of being radically honest with one another. And as they got to know each other more and more, they fell more and more in love with each other through radical honesty, by talking about their feelings. Now, I recognize that this is a movie and many of you might be thinking, well, I can't talk about my feelings with men because that will scare them away. Let me actually repeat that. Most women believe by talking about your feelings, it will scare a man away. If you share how you feel about him that he won't love you anymore. And I want you to think about that for a second. Do you really wanna be in relationship with someone where you can't express your joy, your happiness or maybe your fears or insecurities because you're afraid this person is going to run away? I'm here to say that any type of relationship where you feel being your authentic self or you fear being your true self. And I'm not to suggest, listen, you know, this doesn't necessarily, I'm not suggesting that you can just vomit all of your insecurities and you can vomit all of your problems onto someone and that's going to be attractive. No, that's gonna be incredibly unattractive if we vomit our feelings, if we just literally dump our feelings on to someone else and we point the finger at that other person as being the problem in relationship. Did you hear that? When we point the finger at the other person that they're the problem in the relationship, they're naturally going to run away. And so with that understanding, it's more about how to express yourself in an authentic, kind, loving way. In fact, coming back to my book, chapter one is called Speak Your Truth, Do It With Kindness. Speak your truth and do it with kindness. Now, here's the thing about speaking your truth and doing it with kindness about speaking up with your feelings. Is it invites conversation with the other person and invites dialogue when you invite a man to express his feelings about what may be going on in your relationship? And for the healthy men, this is how we bond with you. For an emotionally healthy man, when you express your feelings and invite him to express your feelings and you have dialogue with one another at that feeling level, this is where true intimacy lies and this is where we bond and fall in love with another human being. Let me repeat that. This is where true intimacy lies and where we can bond with another human being. Now, I know many of you are saying, but Jonathan, I've expressed my feelings to a man and he turned it around. I expressed my feelings to a man and he dismissed it and I expressed my feelings to a man and he made me out to be wrong or I expressed my feelings and he disappeared. I understand. When you express your feelings, your truth and you've done it in a kind, sincere way, you've only scared off the wrong man. You've only scared off the wrong man because going back to my book again, chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So this is why I'm a big advocate for radical honesty. I'm a big advocate for being more intentional in the dating process. I'm a big advocate for asking better questions in the early stage of dating. In fact, ideally you wanna ask as many good questions before you go on a date to determine compatibility. In fact, my whole coaching program is really designed. I want you to think of this for a moment. Imagine you just hired a matchmaker. You spent $25, $30,000 and believe me, matchmakers can be that expensive. I mean, some of them are a little bit less but they can be $10, $20, $30,000. You hired them because you want them to vet the other person to ask all the tough questions to see if you're compatible with one another, if you're aligned with one another, if you're like a good seesaw with one another. In other words, there's good balance between the two of you. That's what a matchmaker would do. And they would vet this person, they would vet you and then hopefully if there's mutual attraction, kaboom, you have a great chance for success because the matchmaker did all the work ahead of time. But that's not how we operate today. Today, we meet total strangers using our devices like Bumble or Hinge or Tinder or match.com just to name a few and we swipe. And then we focus on attraction, we focus on chemistry and we forget the more important things to find out. And if you're not familiar with my relationship, I'm going to show this. And if you can see above the waterline, it says the word attraction and above the chemistry, the tip of the iceberg is chemistry. And you can see below the waterline is compatibility, shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. And as you start checking these boxes, the waterline of attraction drops. And yet most dating advice, most advice is centered around attraction, whether or not you're attracted to one another because there's this belief if you get to hook the person with attraction, if you hook the person with, you're both hooked on attraction, then the shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity don't matter. Bump, bump, bump, they don't matter. Of course they matter. Shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity matter. This is why if you were being your own matchmaker, you wouldn't be afraid to ask those radically honest questions right from the get go because the last thing you wanna be is hooked on chemistry only to find out that they're not the right fit for you. And let me just say this, and I say this from personal experience. It gets rather exhausting to get excited, to get dressed up, to go on a date, to maybe have attraction only to find out it's not gonna work out. Or worse, get dressed up, drive out for a date, plan all that, do all the work and everything only to find out there's no attraction. Of course, when we have attraction, we're willing to invest more in a person. When we feel an energetic connection, we're willing to invest more. But here's the problem when we invest more. The more we invest, the more attached we become to another person that could be totally wrong for us. And if you're not familiar with love attachments, I highly recommend checking out the book by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller called Attach. And this talks about love attachment style, how we can get attached to oftentimes the wrong person because maybe if we ask better questions right from the get go, we have a greater chance for success. So what's the crazy method? Well, I just shared it with you. The crazy method to making someone fall in love with you is to be radically honest and speak your truth. To be radically honest and speak your truth. Now do it from a kind place and invite conversation from a level of feelings. Now I'm gonna tell you something, nine out of 10 men, they're gonna run away. But the truth is, do you wanna spend one, two, three, four, five years with the wrong man? How many of us have spent five, 10, 15, 20, 25 years with the wrong marriage? Think about that. How many of us in this YouTube universe, that I'm talking to right now, spent years in the wrong marriage hoping that magic ferried us, would fix everything? I can tell you in my own marriage, I buried my head in the sand thinking that somehow time could change everything. Listen, the era of my parents, that's a picture of my mother and father. They were in their 20s when they took that picture. They were married for 66 years, okay? You know, it's interesting. My mother told me something that totally shocked the hell out of me. She said about 15 years in the marriage, she goes, there was about a five or 10 year period where I wanted your dad dead so I could have the life insurance to take care of you children. She was that miserable, okay? She stuck it out because back then you had no choice to stick it out. You had literally no choice. She was very codependent on him and he was codependent on her. And eventually through the longevity of it, they found love in their last 35 years of their 66 year marriage. They actually deeply fell in love with each other. Well, here's the bottom line, folks. Most of us at midlife are already a divorce. This is the exception nowadays to the rule because wedding vows were designed to force people together for a long period of time. The wrong people together because yes, in a long enough timeline, there is a chance where you can actually love each other deeply in a long enough timeline. But the reality is today, we're impatient human beings and we're actually unraveling at midlife when our insecurities and our fears and our traumas and our wounds begin to surface. This is why I'm such a big proponent of doing the inner work and this is why I continually recommend the book, The Hoffman Process, The Hoffman Process to Heal Childhood Wounds and Traumas so we can be better prepared to be in a healthy, happy relationship. And that's my invitation for everyone to shift the narrative from the inside out so you become a great potential partner for someone and then your radar is looking for someone else who's a good potential partner for you because you've vetted for shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity by being radically honest and speaking your truth. And ultimately, when you're with the right person, they actually genuinely appreciate it and they feel a greater bond with you and that greater bond is actually an experience of serotonin and serotonin is the actual deeper chemical that makes us feel love. Sadly, the beginning stage of the dating is lust and limerence and the chemical that's being released is dopamine and if that dopamine doesn't shift to serotonin, there's no chance of a long-term loving relationship there. And the one chance I wanna invite you to explore this crazy method is to speak your truth, speak your feelings, do it from a kind place, be radically honest with someone and then determine if you're really a good fit for one another from there to see if they meet you where you're at. Because if they can meet you where you're at, you have a better chance of experiencing relationship success and maybe experiencing a deep, healthy, juicy, delicious relationship where there's lots of love involved. All right, that's my presentation for today since this is a live stream, this is also our time where we begin our Q and A. If you're brand new to my channel, the Q and A, there's a chat box alongside it, you can write the word question and then post your question there after or you can purchase a super sticker or super chat. You purchase a super sticker, super chat. All of the funds that I collect from the super stickers go to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley to help defray some of the cost of personal development and also to donate to companies like the Hoffman Process and Insight Seminars. So again, purchase a super sticker, super chat or you can post the word question. If you're listening to the audio broadcast, you're just, this is all prerecorded. So let's just jump into the Q and A here and let me clean my trusty glasses. All right, we have gotten started. Let's see, I see Judy has posted a question. Question, what are the signs of dating a man with an over-inflated ego and what are the concerns a woman should have if she finds herself in this dynamic? Also, is this actually an insecurity from him? So great question, over-inflated ego. I can relate to that. I have an over-inflated ego at times. Now, I happen to be aware of my over-inflated ego. When a person is in their over-inflated ego, it's oftentimes me, me, me, me or aye, aye, aye, aye. It's all about them. And it's because if you're not familiar with Tony Robbins, the six human needs, one of the most important needs of every human being is significance, is significance. We need to feel significant. This is one of the reasons why Instagram was invented, sadly, is because human beings are thirsty for significance. And a person with an over-inflated ego doesn't love on themself enough so they need to project even more so. This is why selfies in Instagram are habitually a need to say, look at me, look at me, look at me. Here's the problem with someone who has an over-inflated ego. It's exhausting to be in relationship with a person who has an over-inflated ego. And ultimately, if you find an imbalance, in other words, their ego is here and you're here and you feel that imbalance, it's gonna feel very, that space in between is gonna feel very dramatic and very exhausting. So you have to ask yourself, is this person right for me? Can this person heal from this? Here's the thing about healing, folks. They have to do it on their own time. I'm gonna tell you something. So let me just give you a personal example of this. This is a great question. I did something called the Insight Seminars. I want you to Google Insight Seminars. I did the one out of Los Angeles. And I did, there's Insight one, two, three. And during Insight two, we were introduced something called our limiting character, our limiting character. And what that is is this is the part of our personality. Do I have that book on personality? This is the part of our personality that is the part of us that we don't like. And what I realized within my personality is I have some, you had to first give your personality a nickname. So I nicknamed my personality Stupid Righteous Jack. Stupid Righteous Jack, okay? So let me explain this. The reason why I called him Jack is because Jack is another name for John. I believe JFK was also nicknamed Jack. So I called, I'm Jonathan or John. So I called myself Jack. And the Stupid Righteous part is that when I'm feeling rather stupid, in other words, when I do something stupid or I feel inferior to other human beings, and I feel even remotely like I know about something, I turn into a know-it-all. I turn into a pontificator. I become rather righteous, hence Stupid Righteous Jack. This is what happens in my personality. And I've reached a point in my life now where I can recognize that he's come out and I can learn to reel him back in. So whenever I'm pontificating beyond my YouTube channel, because my YouTube channel is all about my presentation and my righteousness, if you will, that's just my style. But when I'm doing this in my interpersonal relationships with people and I catch myself pontificating, it's kind of fascinating. I had this happen, I did a seminar two years ago before COVID, and I remember I was talking to a group of people afterwards and about five minutes in the conversation, my brain was saying, I am totally pontificating here. I'm being very righteous. So I stopped and explained, I became radically honest to the two women I was talking about. What was interesting is they didn't perceive it that way, but I could tell I was in that mode of stupid righteous Jonathan or Jack. So coming back to this, I had to do the healing on my own. And here's the thing in your particular case, who was the question that asked that Judy? You can't heal someone else, they've got to do it on their own. And if it's something that weighs on the relationship so much that you find him to be less attractive, remember going back to the relationship iceberg, chances are you're not feeling attraction at an emotional maturity level, and that will most likely mean that the relationship will mostly melt away using the iceberg analogy, it will mostly melt away. So my invitation for you is to look inward and say, how do I truly feel about this? And then make a choice, because if it's not the right person for you, then you might have to consider moving on. Judy, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it, great question. All right, let's go swimming. Bear with me, let's go swimming, let's go swimming, let's go swimming. All right, here we go from Dickens or Declan's world. Question, actually two questions. How do I get online men to engage in real conversation when all they wanna do is text, hey, beautiful, how to let a man down in a respectful way, so two questions. Okay, let's first do the question, how to engage, so if you're not familiar with my acronym NICE, N-I-C-E, N-I-C-E. The N stands for name, name, say his name. The I stands for inquisitive, ask questions, ask questions. The C stands for compliment and the E stands for enthusiasm, so it might be an enthusiastic emoji. So it simply might look like this, hey, Jonathan, nice to connect with you. I see you read a lot of the same books. Are you into personal development? So I have a picture of all the books I like, a stack of books that I like to read. So I see you're into, are you into personal development? By the way, you're really easy on the eyes. Now I'm a Leo, so I like that. But some compliment, it might simply be a compliment like, wow, what an awesome thing that you're into personal development. So that's a compliment and then you end with enthusiasm and enthusiastic emoji. Put a smiley face or something, create a little... And see if that person engages with you. Questions is how we create engagement. And if a person doesn't... So let me share something with you. I had a woman write me recently and she said, you seem like the real deal. But then she went on to ask question about the distance between us. And I really appreciate it because it created a dialogue between us. And ultimately you want to create a dialogue and if they're incapable of creating a dialogue, this is what you say, bye-bye. So how do you let a guy down when you don't feel like it's a good fit? You simply say, hey, Jonathan, I really appreciate the time to get to know you. I don't feel we're a match and I wanna wish you all the best on your own search for love. I don't feel we're a match and I wanna wish you all the best or you could simply say, I don't feel like we're a match and I wanna wish you all the best. Now, here's what's gonna happen. They're gonna get angry, they're gonna get pissed off. They're gonna go, what are you talking about? Who cares that they get angry upset? It's natural to get angry upset when somebody feels like they've been rejected. But you haven't rejected them. All you've simply said is you're not my person. If they feel rejection, that's on them. They probably haven't read the book, the four agreements, the four agreements. The four agreements are basically the agreements we make to ourselves. And there's four basic agreements. Be impeccable with your word. Always do your best. Don't let the projection of others affect how you feel and don't make assumptions. This person is making an assumption when they say that they've been rejected. As if there's something wrong with them. That means they've got more work to do. Because the truth is we're not compatible with 99.9% of the people out there. That's favorably not true. But the reality, I don't wanna say compatible, but the reality is it's a very slim percentage of people that are actually a good fit for one another. I don't know how many people are actually in relationship who are happy, but my guess is it's less than 20% all the people in relationship in the world are actually happy with one another. Now that's my anecdotal. I mean, it could be higher than 20%. It could be lower. What's most important is are you happy with yourself? And that's my invitation for everyone here is to work on yourself. Because whether or not you find a man or a woman in your life or not, what's most important is the relationship you have with yourself. In fact, Esther Purrell who wrote the book Mating and Captivity, Mating and Captivity says, the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our life. And it starts with the relationship we have with ourself, the relationship we have with ourself. And so bringing back full circle. Nice, N-I-C-E, name, inquisitive, compliment, enthusiasm. And when you end it, just simply say, thank you for your time. I don't feel we're a fit and I wanna wish you all the best. I hope that helped. Thank you so much for that question, Declan's world. I really appreciate it. All right, woo-hoo, we are on a roll. And Sabrina says, amen. Let's see. Lisa said, a guy with a big fat ego brags a lot. Also a woman with a big fat ego brags a lot. These are true of men and women alike. All right, intuitive life, Australia says question. Dating a guy, he's still on Tinder after eight weeks since meeting. I deleted mine telling him early on, is this a reason to be concerned? Okay. You know what, it's interesting. I was just thinking to myself, you guys might find this interesting. I was thinking back to before we had these little devices and we had these things called laptops and computers and whatnot. And I remember when I was single dating, I wasn't really dating. It was Friday night, the guys would go out to pick up chicks, to pick up chicks, to pick up chicks. That's what we did. We went dancing to pick up chicks, see if we could get lucky. And if we got lucky, it was meant if we got laid or if we got lucky, we might meet someone to date. Now, what was interesting back then in the 80s and late 80s, early 90s was you meet someone on a Friday night. You had a really good time and you called them up and you planned a date with them sometime during the week. What was interesting was, I didn't have 10,000 swipes to look through before that date. There was no other options because I wasn't in the environment to meet single people. It was just what you met in that moment in time when you're at a bar, okay? Or maybe it was your workplace, but that was always taboo to meet someone at work. And otherwise in that, there was no other place to meet people other than the bars. Back in the 70s, that's when that became more prolific. Prolific, excuse me. By the way, my mug says, I don't wanna work anymore. I just wanna be cherished, put up on a pedestal and taken care of. Is that my over-inflated ego? By the way, this was a gift from a friend. I thought it was a kind of a cute gift. Okay, coming back to this point though, I make it. So we now live in an environment where we start dating someone, but we have all these other perceived choices. And this is bastardizing the relationship process. It's a blessing and a curse. And the blessing is, quite frankly, I'm so old at this point in my life. I don't wanna go out Friday nights to pick up chicks. I work from home. So unless some female burglar breaks into my place and says, would you like to go on a date? I'm not meeting people out my general life. Even the YouTube followers that all profess they wanna date me, you all live around the world and I have no idea who you are. So for the most part, it's through these devices that we connect with people. And that's the blessing and the curse is, we have this thing called perceived choice, perceived choice. In fact, it's also known as the paradox of choice, the paradox of choice. I want you to go to TED Talk. There's a TED Talk called the paradox of choice. Could someone write that in the chat box, paradox of choice? Because that's what we're experiencing today, a perceived choice or paradox of choice. And so it makes it difficult when you meet someone and here's the hard part about dating. Sometimes you know right away, you don't wanna invest in anyone else but them. You know right away, I've gone on dates with women I knew right from the get go, you know what? I like this person. I don't wanna invest in someone else. It's those tricky situations where you're kind of on the fence, it's a maybe. And the minute it's a maybe, you've got all these other options waiting for us, all these other options waiting for us and boy, it's very hard. Chances are if you're eight weeks in and he's still on one of the dating apps, although I don't know how you would know he's on a dating app unless he actually, and by the way, I don't recommend deleting your app until you're in a fully committed relationship with someone. It's so the fact is it's very common for people to stay on the apps until they know for sure they're in a fully committed relationship with someone. So this is the blessing, this is the curse. Most likely if he's not feeling like he wants to delete his app, it's because you're a maybe. Now, can babies turn into a yes? Yeah, how many? What percentage of the time does a maybe turn into a yes? Post your percentage right there. How often does a maybe turn into a yes or how often does a maybe turn into a no or a ghosting or a disappear? I think I prefer to date when I feel enthusiastic, when I go, wow, this is the only person I wanna talk to for a while and I actually feel like hiding my profile. That's the way I think a mature, emotionally mature adult would operate. But this is the dilemma with dating because we can feel so much uncertainty in the beginning. That's why it's such a fine line, chemistry, attraction, energetic. I mean, a lot of pieces have to fit plus this piece as well. There's a lot of moving parts and this is why I teach you how to ask the right questions in the early stage of dating. So if you need some help with that, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. So bringing him back to full circle, have a chat with him, be radically honest, ask him about it, see how he responds and then make a choice from there. Let me repeat that, be radically honest with him. See how he responds, have a dialogue and go from there. That's my invitation for you and I hope that helps. That was a great question in intuitive life, Australia. So thank you so much, wishing you a big hug. All right, let's, oh, sunshine fee, the sunshine fee says question. I feel that the minority of women have less choice on the dating market compared to Caucasian women. Data has shown this to be true. How can we deal with this? So, oh, okay, so when you say minority women, okay, I got it. So Caucasians versus other, other ethnicities and such. Gosh, I have to think about that one. So, I know, well, first off, I know a lot of white men that love Asian women. I know a lot of, you know, I know a lot of men that like big butts and they cannot lie and your other brothers can't deny and when a girl walks in with the itty-bitty waist and the round thing you'll face, you get sprung. So I don't know. I mean, I think that's a perception that we can be, you know, we can certainly create a lot of, what's the word I'm looking for? We can create a lot of resistance in our life if we buy into that or we could simply say, it's raining great men. It's raining great women. It doesn't matter their race. It's raining great men. It's raining great women because at the end of the day, all you need is one. One here, one here to become this. All you need is one. So what's it matter? At the end of the day, all you need is one. It's not a game of numbers. It's a game of pre-qualifying. Let me repeat that. It's not a numbers game. It's a pre-qualifying game. That, I said to a friend of mine the other day, I said, dating is not a relationship game. It's a game of compatibility. I repeat that. Oh, excuse me. It's not a game of romance. It's a game of compatibility. Noodle on that one for a second and I'll talk about that a little bit later. Dating is not a game of romance. It's a game of compatibility. So coming back to full circle on that question, here's the thing, shift your narrative and just simply say it's raining great men and women and allow that into your life. That's my invitation for you. Sunshine feet, thank you so much for that question. All right. All right, Leah Hoover says, question, how do you know when you're in love and it's not attachment or the amago? How do you know when you're in love and it's not attachment or the amago? It's very simple. It feels good. It feels good. It feels good. When it doesn't feel good, it's usually something wrong. It could be the amago. It could be attachment. It could be that they're a narcissist. It could be you're not ready. It could be issues with you. It could be issues with them. When it doesn't feel good, that's usually your barometer. Now it's very hard because in the beginning it always feels good because when you're amped up on lust and limerence and you're all excited and you're amped up on dopamine and testosterone and estrogen, it feels so good and then you fuck your brains out together and the sex feels great. And then all of a sudden it stops feeling good. And it's usually not feeling good because you don't share the same values. Your lifestyles aren't blendable. Or worse, the emotional maturity for one and both of you is almost nonexistent. In fact, I truly believe that 80% of the single population dating today have weak emotional skills at best. This is one of the reasons why I continually recommend reading two books to learn how to communicate better. I highly recommend reading the book Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. And then everybody, if you reside after me, before the penis goes inside the vagina, you read the books together eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman. Eight dates before the penis goes inside the vagina because ultimately what causes most relationship distress is that they're not compatible with one another. They're not emotionally mature with one another. And there's usually either one person is, you know, it's interesting. I wrote myself a note. Here, I wanna share this with you. You guys might find this interesting. Because I'm experiencing this myself, I called resistance, resistance, okay? Resistance. If I'm feeling resistance, it's because either A, I'm picking up on their energy of resistance. I'm gonna repeat that. I'm picking up on their energy of resistance. B, my gut says we're not a match for one another. My gut says we're not a match for one another. Or I'm feeling fear. I'm feeling fear. And when I'm feeling fear, it means I'm not ready when I'm feeling fear. So resistance is either I'm picking up on their energy. My gut is telling me we're not right or I'm feeling fear. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter which one of the three is because the resistance is there, which means take a step backward and look inward within yourself. Take a step backward and look inward in yourself. And so coming back to your question, how do you know when you're in love and it's not attachment? Because it just feels right. It just feels good. And most, by the way, talk to any couple that's been married a long enough time. They will tell you it just feels right. And when it feels off, you've got to decide. Are you picking up on their energy? Is it your gut talking or is it your own fear? Which means you might have to do some work. Great question, Leah. Thank you so much for that one. I really appreciate it. All right, let's go swim in. I had someone call me the other day and they from my business line and her first words out of her mouth was Jonathan, let's go swimming. Sabrina says, thank you, Lisa, you're too sweet. Oh, I love that. Elaine says, hi, Jonathan, great content. We're both fortunate of having role models like our parents in long marriages. My parents weren't role models per se. I mean, they were, but they weren't, trust me. There was a lot of, my folks did some really fucked up shit to me in life. My mother was emotionally unavailable. My father beat the shit out of me because that's what you did back then, corporal punishment. So my parents were good, but believe me, there wasn't, there was some bad stuff in there too. So anyway, my parents aren't my role model. My role model, okay, folks, I'm gonna share something personal. My role model, and this is such Cinderella for me. This is my version of Cinderella. My role model is the TV show Heart to Heart with Robert Wagner and Stephanie Powers. Let me repeat that. Heart to Heart, Robert Wagner and Stephanie Powers and why they're my role models is because they had such, they were the best team. They treated the relationship like a two-way street. It wasn't the masculine lead and the feminine received. I mean, she was just as much a giver as he was a giver. But what I loved is they both explored murders. Not that I wanna explore murders, but they both had an equal passion together in their life and that's my role model. It's my fucked up, look at my fucked up sense of my romantic in me is that. It's not my mom and dad, it's that TV show. I'm gonna say I've got issues, so I'm no picnic here, but I really appreciate your question or your comment there, Elaine. Thank you so much. Jane says, Jonathan, I could see that. Thank you. All right, if you have a question or purchase, by the way, somebody's gotta purchase a super sticker, super chat. We'd like to build up the Connor as late fun, the scholarship fund. So someone please make a donation to Connor. I'd really appreciate that, not to Connor himself. But Vicki says, I love heart to heart, great show. Lisa says, that masculine feminine shit again, laughing my ass off. The masculine reclames you and the feminine leans back into their feminine. Someone said, I like McMillan and wife. Sunshine says, true, I love them. Jennifer says, the older generation was unconscious and dysfunctional, yes, this is one of the things that they were. So actually, I don't see, by the way, people have been asking me, how do you purchase a super sticker? There should be a little thing down below, but if there's not, we'll figure that out next time. All right, if you have a question, post the word question and I'm gonna fill that out, or I will, don't forget to write the word question so I can find your question. Let's see, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, swimming. Do you have a question, folks? Okay, here we go. Natural beauty question. What do you do or say if a guy says, I really like you and want a relationship with you, but you seem too perfect to be true, so I want to take it slow. Should I continue going with them? Oh, that's an interesting thing. So I'm thinking about my own experience where I dated someone who I thought was out of my league. I dated a woman who was a doctor, she was a therapist, she was on television. I was very, I don't want to say intimidated by her, but I thought she wouldn't love me. I think what's going on with this guy is he's feeling fear you may not love him, so his purpose for going slow is really to protect his heart. He doesn't, this is just a supposition on my part, but he might be feeling that you may not love him because you might be better than him. And what you might want to say is, look, I really appreciated what you say. I'm as human as you are. I am riddled with flaws as you are. When I go to the bathroom, there's shit in the toilet. I fart sometimes and I have B.O., okay? So I'm here to say these are all the things that can happen. And taking it slow isn't a bad thing, but taking it slow can also, I think relationships require a bit of momentum. And I'm a big proponent of investing a hundred hours of face-to-face time so you can get to that first stage of trust. I'm gonna repeat that a hundred hours of face-to-face time so you can reach that first stage of trust. And it takes about that long to get, to feeling comfortable with another person. So my question is, have you invested a hundred hours of face-to-face time with them, or is it all on the telephone or text? If all of your communication is on the telephone or text, he's not bonding with you. And it's probably you're doing all the talking and he's not doing much talking. So my invitation is do social activities, hobbies, mutual interest, spending time with family and friends, travel together, build something together so you can feel that safer form of serotonin instead of the dopamine that often happens. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. By the way, I saw a bunch of super stickers or super chats. So everyone, I wanna thank you for all of those. Lisa, thank you for the super sticker. JB, thank you for the super sticker. Connie, thank you for the super sticker. I really appreciate it. Jennifer says, heart to heart, great show. Jonathan and Jennifer, by the way, I have a fantasy that my love of my life will be named Jennifer because of that. I'm not, or Stephanie. Oh God, I had such a crush on Stephanie Powers. Woo, I had such a big crush on her. Okay, Montell, super sticker, thank you so much. Question, what will you do that no one expects from you? What will you do that no one expects from you? I don't understand the question. I'm so sorry, Montell. What will I do that no one expects from me? That I fart? I don't know. I'm human, so thank you for the question and the super sticker, but I don't know if it, I don't understand the question, Montell. Thank you so much. All right, let's go to natural beauty. Question, and by the way, again, thank you for the super sticker, super chats. I really appreciate it. Hit the like button if this live stream is resonating with you. What do you say or do, if a guy's, oh, we've already done that. Oh wait, what do you say? I really like you and I want a relationship, but I won't take it slow, should I, oh, sorry. So go with the flow was the answer to that one, natural beauty, thank you. All right, question from Christine. Hi, J.A., love this. I had one gentleman say he didn't want to disappoint me. Okay, that's not a question, but thank you for sharing that. All right, Lisa says, I never dated someone I thought was out of my league. That's his insecurity talking. Here's the thing about insecurity folks. Listen, I'm riddled with insecurities, okay? I sometimes say it out loud because I'm being radically honest, vulnerable, authentic, and transparent, but I was also aware of my insecurities. Here's the thing, humans, men and women alike, we're riddled with insecurities. We're going to say things that might cause us to pause. At the end of the day, you also need to look at the totality of a person and not the micro, but the macro. Do we have chemistry? Do we share the same values? Are they, are our lifestyles blendable and is this emotionally person relatively emotionally mature? Because if they are, just like Sally, she had her neurosis and insecurities in the movie, Harry Met Sally. She had her neurosis and insecurities. He was able to accept her even in her neurosis and insecurities. So just remember, we all have them. Be careful judging another's because we all, what's the biblical phrase? He who is without sin cast the first stone. So just remember, we all have insecurities and whatnot. Thank you so much, Lisa. Pretty much, I appreciate that. All right, oh, be real says, Jonathan. How do you know if a man is not over an X or better yet, how do you know a man is over an X? How do you know somebody is over their X? Well, here's how we know that they're not over their X is because they constantly are talking about their X. Okay, so I have a personal share. I was in a significant relationship with a woman for three and a half years. I was very attached to her. I felt like it was love. And I say felt like it was love because I don't think I was really in a good place when I met her. So I was experiencing love attachment and maybe not true love. Now, let me just say this. I did treat her like I loved her from that perspective. I thought I was healthy, but I really wasn't, okay? So when our relationship ended, God, I look back now. I think for a year, all I did anytime I dated was talk about her. I mean, seriously, for one year, anytime I was dating, I was talking about her incessantly. Now I had a couple of women who liked me enough to want to see me even in my dysfunction here. But I mean, the thing is, if they're constantly talking about their X, maybe they're talking about how their X hurt them emotionally. Maybe they're throwing their X under the bus. Maybe they, and by the way, you have to listen to their tonality because a lot of it was, you could literally tell, even though I was throwing my ex-girlfriend under the bus, my totality, my tonality was you could tell I was deeply still in love with her. I didn't see it at the time. I was blind to it. I thought I was just being radically honest with someone. And the truth is, I was being radically honest. What was underneath the radical honesty was actually attachment, was I wasn't over her. So sure enough, what happened was we got back together. That lasted for a few months. We broke up again. That lasted for a few months. We got back together, and that lasted for about six months. All of this happened within a six year period of time. I can't remember the second time I think we were together five or six months and the third, the last time was six or seven months, something like seven, eight months, something like that. And then finally, actually how I got over her was she met someone rather quickly. They began a relationship and it basically forced me to get over my ex. I think I was gonna be hung up for another year after that. So the fact that she met someone quickly, I'm actually grateful she met David, my ex-girlfriend met David. Actually, since she and I are family to one another now, I'm family to him. He and I play golf together on occasion. And I'm so grateful they're together because I was able to get over her because she got involved with someone else. Otherwise, it'd probably be a full year or two before I was, but actually in my case, six months after my relationship ended, my mother passed away and then six months after that, Connor passed away. There's a picture of Connor, isn't he cute there? Through my grief, I was able to, really through my grief, I was able to pour my heart out into writing my book. If you haven't ordered my book, I highly recommend check out the link in the description to get my book. It was through that cathartic experience that I was not only able to lean into the deeper meaning of love in myself, but I was able to let go of a relationship while she's a fantastic person. We just weren't meant to go the distance. And so coming back to your question, it's if a guy talks about his ex incessantly, that's a good clue. He's not over his ex. Thank you so much Be Real for your question. I really appreciate that. All right. Aether says, I love your honesty and sense of humor. Thank you. Yvonne says, TMI, was I TMI? I hope not, or maybe he's TMI. Tracy writes, question. I've been talking online to who I thought was the same guy. How can I tell if I'm getting scammed? I've been talking to a guy who I thought was the same guy. I think what you mean is you've been talking to some, well, I'm not really sure what you mean, but how do you avoid being scammed? Folks, I just shot a video on this. It just got posted two days ago called How to Avoid a Scammer. But I'm gonna make it really simple for those who are on the live stream right now. How do you avoid a scam artist? You get quickly, look it, you quickly get onto a FaceTime or a Zoom call. After you've had three exchanges, if there's distance involved, you immediately get onto a Zoom call to see if the guy is legit. And I shared publicly, my photographs get stolen regularly and they're used on online dating profiles. So a lot of women have fallen in love with my photograph, men that they've never met. These women have given tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars to scam artists because they fell in love with the photograph and the words of some scam artists. And how do you avoid that? You just jump on a Zoom call right away. That African-American who lives in Nigeria doesn't look like me, okay? If they don't look like me, if the photograph is a picture of me and they don't look like their picture, then it's a chance they're a scam artist. So get on the phone, get on a FaceTime, excuse me. And you can quickly eliminate them very quickly. Within literally three exchanges, go straight to a Zoom call. These days, I typically don't have a first date with someone unless I've done a Zoom call, if they live a little bit of a distance away. Partially because, listen, a lot of people don't look like their picture. So you wanna cut that bullshit. You wanna cut through that really quickly. So get on a Zoom call and that's how you avoid a scammer. Great question, thank you so much. Boo Baker writes, question, instant attraction in chemistry. He's tried to push me away but comes back. He said he loves me and can't run from his feelings. Thoughts and advice. Well, my first question is, Boo, how do you feel? Because what matters most is not how he's responding. It's how are you responding? Sorry, I'm looking at those, looking for your question. So Boo, this is all upon you to really ferret out how you feel about this person. It's not about how he feels about you. It's a, see, this is an example, folks, I have to vent for a second. This is an example of how you give your power away. Listen, I did, here, listen. Boo, the seven ways women give their power away. Number one, the relationship is on his terms. Number two, you're afraid to speak your truth. Number three, when the relationship ends, all you do is focus on him. Number four, you're waiting for him to initiate contact. Number five, you stop doing your pre-relationship life. Number six, you feel like you can't live without him. And number seven, he's the only person you have chemistry with. Folks, when you're focused on him and not yourself, that's giving your power away. So my invitation for you, Boo, is how do you feel about him? If you feel good about him and he feels good about you, then you explore the relationship. If you don't feel, God, do I have flabby arms? God, this sucks getting older. I mean, I work out with my triceps. I mean, you can see I've got a little definition, but it's that flabbiness. Fuck, I got up tangent here. Boo, if you feel good about him and he feels good about you, you explore it. If you don't feel good about him and you're focused on why he feels good about you, what do you care? That's my invitation for you anyway. All right, thank you for that question. I really appreciate it. And for the super sticker. Sunshine says, stay safe, Johnny, I will. Sabrina says, yes, your son is adorable. Thank you so much. I miss Connor so much. Lisa says, Google image is a great place to check for scammers. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Doug says, some really nice restaurants here found of Hidden Gem. Well, thank you for sharing that with us. If you have a question, post the word question. Jennifer says, amen and tons of self-help work. All right. By the way, if you have a personal question for me, write the word personal question and then I'm gonna take one or two personal questions before we wrap up today. So we're gonna take Lisa's question. Hey, Jonathan, thanks for what you do. You often talk about long distance relationship being shit shows. What's need to happen in order to increase the chance of success? Great question. So first and foremost, I just did a video that I might post. I can't decide if I'm gonna post this, but I think long distance relationships has become the new hookups, the new hookup relationships. And let me explain why. Think about this. You're communicating with someone long distance. You build up a lot of sexual, you build up a lot of tension with one another, a lot of curiosity if there's mutual attraction and you can build up a lot of sexual tension with one another. And depending on how long distance, and I mean long distance like plane ride away or several hours away driving where you might have to stay the night at the person's place, you are almost guaranteed as a guide to get laid. I mean, it's almost, I mean, I'd say there's a 90, 80% chance of getting laid. Everybody says, oh no, we won't do it. We won't do it, but I fucking, it happens almost. You act like, oh, we'll be respectful for one another. I wanna get to know you. But truthfully, the minute you see each other, you jump in bed. Okay, so that's going off on a tangent. How to make a long distance relationship work? You need a game plan. You need a plan of how to take, I live in Los Angeles, you live in San Francisco. I won't move where I live. That means you're gonna have to move. That means you're gonna have to uproot your life to be near me as an example. How many people will, how many people, listen, ladies, you will have a greater, you will have a greater propensity to change your entire life for a guy. Most guys will never change their life for a person. Most, not, I mean, there's the exception to the rule just like the broken clock. So you're more likely to uproot your life for a guy. But if you don't have a plan to make that happen, long distance relationships live in a bubble. You have this great time together where you fuck your brains out and you have a lot of fun going out to restaurants and then you go back to your respective homes and you talk on the phone, you talk on the phone, you talk on the phone, you talk on the phone, you talk and then you stop talking on the phone and you stop talking on the phone and you stop talking on the phone and it just starts to fade away. Because men bond through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends. That's how we bond with somebody. We don't bond on the telephone. We don't bond on the telephone. I had had hundreds of thousands of hours on the telephone with women I've dated. I can't remember one telephone call. But what I do remember, that time we went to that trip to Vancouver, that time we went to that trip to New York, that time that we went to a trip to Chicago, I remember the hiking at the Hollywood sign. I remember the Burning Man party we went to together. I remember the Austin Powers party we went to. I could rattle off so many different experiences and I cannot remember one telephone call I've ever had with somebody. We don't bond through the telephone and guess what? When you have long distance that you all you have and Zoom is the same as telephone. So you better have a plan, otherwise it's a shit show and it's a great way to hook up and get laid. I mean, shit, maybe if I wanna get laid this weekend I should just hook up with someone long distance, fly out there and I'm just joking. But all right, time for personal questions. Yeah, thank you so much. Lisa says, Jonathan, you should have been an actor. I did actually audition when I was eight years old and my dad wouldn't pay for the photos. So I could go into acting school. All right, you have a personal question for me. This is your last chance, otherwise we're gonna wrap up. Okay, personal question, Jonathan. How do you cope with the discouragement from not landing the eagle meeting the one? Great final question for the evening. How do I manage the discouragement? Folks, I'd be lying to say, I do feel discouraged. In fact, I was just having a conversation with a friend of mine. We were kind of deciding, am I ready? Is maybe what's really going on at reflection of me? And I've done a lot of personal development work on myself. I put myself out there. I've gone on dates. Some women I've dated, I've been into them. They haven't been into me. Sometimes they've been into me. I haven't been into them. But it's starting to wear on me. Dating can wear on us emotionally, not meeting. And by the way, I'm doing everything I practice. Everything I teach, I do. I'm radically honest. I'd like to think I'm relatively charming. I'd like to think I'm very demonstrative. I plan first dates. I do all the things that men are supposed to do. And I have to wonder, I mean, this is wearing on me. Like, what's wrong with you, Jonathan? But I know nothing is wrong with me because I do genuinely love myself. And I have to just resign myself that I could have in the last four years, I could have had one or two relationships in the last four years that didn't work out. Now, for the most part, I was dealing with the loss of my son. I was dealing with, I didn't wanna work for all of 2019. I didn't feel like working after Connor passed away. And thankfully, 2020, I had a stellar year and I'm having even a better year financially so I can feel like I'm in that provider protector mode, if you will. But ultimately, it has worn on me emotionally. But I always sit with this one thing a friend of mine told me and he said, this is when I was lamenting after my significant relationship ended. I was bitching and complaining and I'm never gonna love again and blah, blah, blah, blah. And folks, I probably act like a woman in the sense that I'm in touch with my emotional side and I'm expressive on my emotional side, hopefully from an emotionally mature place. But I said to him, I'm never gonna love again. And he said, Jonathan, love is a risk and it's the best game in town. Folks, I am not gonna give up on meeting my soulmate. I'm not gonna give up on meeting the one. I just haven't met her yet. And the old saying, fall off the horse seven times, get up eight, that's where I'm at. I feel like I've fallen off a thousand horses. Or I've falling off the horse a thousand times, that's what it feel like. But I still get up because to me, it's raining, beautiful, heart centered, emotionally mature women who share my values, who lifestyles are blendable with mine and we have absolute chemistry for one another. I hold that space and whenever I'm feeling down, I read my love mantra and this is something I teach in my private coaching, check out the link below. I practice what I preach and my hope is she comes here sooner rather than later and guess what? You know what, if it doesn't happen for a little while, it's okay because I also have a great relationship with myself and that's my invitation for every one of you is to have a great relationship with yourself because if it doesn't happen for me in this in lifetime, it's gonna happen. Although I do know it's gonna happen in this time. I know I will meet my partner, someone who wants to go on this journey with me, that someone that wants to go down the level of spiritual partnership with me and that's who I'm holding space for and I know it's gonna happen for me rather sooner rather than later. So thank you so much for that question, Boo. I really, not Boo, thank you for that question Monique. I really appreciate it. All right, folks, I think this will be a great, well, let me take a look if there's any last things. Yes, we all need hope for the better future, exactly. Sunshine says, I'm sure it'll happen for you. Let's see, wait a minute. Someone said, yoga says soon, very soon, yes, yes, yes. Jennifer says, I believe it'll happen. Love happens when we stop trying so hard. There's some truth to that. And Jennifer says, I believe it'll happen. And ether says, never, oops, where was that one? Well, sorry, I lost it. Jerry says, all right, we're having a little technical difficulty. So everyone, we're gonna wrap up today. I wanna thank you so much. This crazy method for making a man fall in love with you, speak your truth, deal with kindness, express your feelings, invite dialogue, allow each other to learn from each other from an intimate space and that's how a man will fall crazy in love with you. I hope you found value in this live stream today or if you're listening to the recording. Again, purchase a super sticker, super chat before you wrap up today. Hit that like button, share this video with friends and schedule a discovery call with me or join my group called Midlife Love Master if you'd like some of the support but can't afford a coach. We're gonna wrap up today's live stream by first off giving myself a big gigantic shot at the bar of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now, bye-bye. Bye-bye.