 Let's introduce the topic of today because we are here to talk about which is better celebrity versus celebrity sort of relationship or would you prefer the celebrity to date someone that is not on the limelight? There are several aspects. I say because I also believe in God. So I feel like there are different calls on our lives, right? So for me, my call is public. Yes, it doesn't mean I'm more important than when it comes to chef and kitchen. When I get it, it just means young women are more, right? So I need different tools. And with the public, there are so many things that you can't manage. Clearly. So if you want a partner that you can manage, what are two elements of public life? I would prefer dating someone who we are in the same industry with. You get? Yeah. They may be a celebrity, but in this industry, I feel like they'll understand the late nights, the very early mornings, the times I don't pick my call, the times I feel like it will work better like that. Personally, a few years back, if you asked me if I would choose someone who is in the limelight, I would say no. Because I sort of feel like I'm quite a jealous person for what's mine. Do you think it is actually easy to differentiate being a star at home and at work? I feel like it's easy. You see, when you're dating a star, okay, you may know them as a star, but you're not dating now, Ndanya. No, you've just met now Faith. Faith will not date. Faith will not pick you up. Faith will not find you. All those wifey duties. It's not Ndanya. When you're outside there, you're Ndanya, but when you come to the house... Faith will not pick you up. Faith will not pick you up. I feel like, yeah, you can differentiate. No is a love language. Don't date anyone for pressure. Just say, okay, it's lonely out here. It's hard. But you're not what I want. But you're not a woman. You're not a rapist. You are watching Friends Vibes. All feelings are represented. What's up, guys? Welcome to Friends Vibes. We are back and we are excited. My good name is Miss Kitingi and today we have a guest. Welcome Vivian. Thank you. Please introduce yourself. Still Vivian, singer, songwriter, performing artist and now certified therapist. Why are you so motivated to speak as a therapist? It's so important for people to understand who they are. A lot of the challenges we have in this life is because we were used to addressing physical wounds. Yet we have emotional baggage. What's your name? I love that. Very true. I came here as a therapist. There are two candles. Anyways, my name is Ndanya. We have Vivian here today. Before we talk about why she's here, let's introduce the topic of today. We are here to talk about which is better. Celebrity versus celebrity sort of relationship. Or would you prefer as a celebrity to date someone that is not on the limelight? Even for the fans, which one do you prefer to see? People who are probably celebrities together. Do you prefer a celebrity dating someone who is laid back? We have a celebrity here. What's the best way to have this conversation? Before we get into it, Vivian has a new song. Tell us about that. The new song is called Rhythm and Flow. We just talked about going with the rhythm and flow of life. Rhythm has its unique rhythms and flows. But we have a culture where we want to really control things. And that may not work because also I don't believe we created ourselves. We really don't have that much power over how we got here. And how we grew up and the experiences we had. So the song is also a song that talks about hope and encouragement. I think we are living in very tumultuous times. And I feel like instead of focusing on the dirt, we need to focus on the light. So that's what the song talks about. Go with the rhythm and flow. I'm going to show you girls the dance. Amazing. We can't wait to see. We do some TikToks. Jackson is behind the bear. So we have to do this TikTok. Absolutely. So where is the song? So the song is available on all streaming platforms. Boom Plays, Spotify, Audio Mac everywhere. And the music video is on my YouTube channel, Vivian Kenya Official. And it's featuring Why Ray? Yeah, I was just about to ask, you know, Why Why Ray? Because we haven't really heard from him for quite some time. So for a funny reason, I found that I always bring back people. I don't know why I have that thing. Also because I see beyond, and I feel like Why Ray also has a father figure in the industry. And I feel like there is generally a gap in the father space, not only in entertainment, but just generally. In fact, I was just thinking, as you were talking, that I'm on this podcast. So I have my own podcast. And in this season, I was doing a fatherhood series, just to address the gaps in fatherhood and what does fatherhood mean? So in entertainment as well, I think there is a time, and I'll give this example. I think Chiyomiya was being attacked for whatever grade he got and all those things. And Chris Kira came to his defense and said, you know, it doesn't really matter of which to be really honest, it doesn't. And so we need fathers to sometimes stand in the gap. If you look at your home setting, Mzaeaki onger un apatanga mood in a shift. But your mom can speak for 30 minutes. Nili say, maizumi kome, nini, nini, nini, nini, nini, you know, just leaving. But when he says, when the man says, you know, so it's very important for us to understand who the man is, for him to understand who he is, because that's also another crisis. And then for us to have those conversations on how is the fatherhood space looking like. Yeah. But why do you think we actually have this gap of fatherhood? Because we've had, you know, we've had legends as we call them. And we've had the new age sort of artists. Why do you feel there's a gap? Is it because we don't relate well? The fathers that are supposed to be fathers didn't really take up their role, the Zuri. Why do you think there's a gap? Several things, obviously. Nothing is ever caused by one thing. It's always a ripple effect of several factors. But I feel like number one, the fathers need to accept that they are fathers. And so to speak into, to speak light into, but we also have to make room for the fathers. Because if we don't make room for them, we don't have a place to sit. So normalizing those conversations. Yeah. That Trio can pick his phone and call you and say, Masi, this is happening. What do you think? Right? Yeah. Just to, and sometimes, someone older than you just tells you something. It becomes such a huge defining part of your decision making. Mentorship is an important thing. Not someone telling you who to be, but you have to ask. I mean, you have to ask. You can be given unsolicited guidance. For sure. Okay. Sounds good. Sounds good. Guys, make sure you check out Viviane's new song. And come back and tell us how did you find it? Yes. But now let's get into the conversation of who do you prefer? Is it a celebrity versus a celebrity relationship? Or is it celebrity versus a laidback or someone who is not in the limelight sort of relationship? And maybe we should start with you. Yeah. I can't tell you to say it. I can't tell about other people. But in my experience, yeah. Till I'm two one and I was Anna. Okay. Right? So for me, I had a public proposal. Of course, this was many years ago. Yes. On TV. And on my platform. Right? So on a space that has creatives, we go and perform. That's the number of times. And I'm sure by that time, that man felt like me, I can manage this, you know, dating this woman. Yeah. Because he was a laidback person. Yes. Okay. No, I don't know if he was laidback. I mean, yeah. With time, we came to know him for sure. Yes. But before probably we didn't know him as much. Yes. I think that's. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I feel like there are several aspects. I say, because I also believe in God. So I feel like there are different calls on our lives. Right? So for me, my call is public. Yes. It doesn't mean I'm more important than because I'm a chef and kitchen. When I get, it just means more. Right? So I need different tools. Okay. And with the public, there are so many things that you can't manage. Clearly. So if you want a partner that you can manage, watch out. Watch out to not be public like just, but if you want someone that you can communicate with. Someone who you see as a partner, someone who, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, like the way your dad used to treat your mom. But you're not dealing with your mom. It's different. It's completely different. And then you know with the public, you have to do a lot of inner work as an individual, especially as a woman, because you have to be ahead of others in terms of your thinking, in terms of choosing a partner. I mean, what I wish I knew then was that I am the one who needed to choose what works for me. But because of culture, there was that aspect of being chosen. And if you're chosen, you have to be the good girl and say yes. You have, yes. But say you can each a goer, and there's a layer. Because I'm the one who has chosen to be a goer. Because my life has already charted itself out in a certain way. For sure. All right, Benya. Do you prefer, let me actually phrase it this way, because we can say you're a celebrity. People, you have quite a number of followers on social media. People, yeah. Would you prefer to date someone who is in the limelight, or you prefer to date someone who is laid back, who is not in the limelight? Let me answer it this way. I prefer, I'd prefer dating someone who we are in the same industry with. You get? They may be a celebrity, but in this industry, I feel like they'll understand the late nights, the very early mornings, the times I don't pick my call, the times I feel it will work better like that. But now... But that's not a guarantee. That's not a guarantee, for sure. They may not understand. No, because it's a personality thing. Yeah, it's actually a personality thing, for sure. Personally, a few years back, if you asked me if I would choose someone who is in the limelight, I would say no. Because I sort of feel like I'm quite a jealous person for what's mine, you know? So... As much as I would... Hey, my God, I don't know. I feel like a few years back, I would definitely say no to celebrity. I mean, we are in the industry, we do work, we are in the industry, let us not even engage afterwards. I think that was it for me, that was a few years back. But right about now, sometimes now when I got into this now industry, in the limelight, I feel like I need someone that really understands what I'm doing. I need someone who needs to know that I could be in a concert at 3 p.m. and I'm still at work. At 3 a.m., right? At 3 a.m. and I'm still at work and they will not catch feelings. Because again, you don't want to be in a relationship that you're trying to explain yourself every now and then. It is going to be draining. So having someone that understands what you do is really good, but also still, I don't know if I still want someone who is in the limelight or doing the same thing as me, I don't know. It doesn't matter what line of work they are in. They just have to have very proper self-awareness. Very true. But that's very rare because of culture. Remember, our culture has this thing where we're not saying there's anything bad with that. Also, we want a man who knows he's a man. However, there is also a lot of teasing. And men don't take teasing as well as... As a joke? Yeah, like us. Because it's also an emotional intelligence. Women, we have it more. So I feel like the man needs to... ...be in therapy. That's how it is. I'm a G.L.E. I'm trying to be like my dad. I'm a G.L.E. I am my own person. This is what is edible from where I grew up. If you grew up in whatever community, come in western, whatever. Because every community has its stuff. But at the end of the day, am I able to make room for this woman emotionally, spiritually, financially? When I get it, it's not common. But it's not common because... Of course, population-wise, people say there are more women than men. There are so many men. You know, they need to have many women. But well, to each their own... Me, Miki and Vyango, I think it would just have to work. I'm not willing to... To put my steps on the side or whatever. Because I think purpose is more important. Personal purpose and identity is more important than being in a marriage for people to see you in a marriage. Yeah. But you know, for example, now your situation, whereby you're supposed to be on stage, you're supposed to be doing... You need to look sexy, to appeal to your fans. They are just things that you might have to do that if a woman who is not in your place cannot actually do. Do you think it's actually easy for men to take that? This is a me, that's not my bone to talk about. Because I am me. So I can't change who I am. I wish we had a man on this panel and to be able to take a photograph. Sule, would you take a limelight and be on stage and be on stage at 3 a.m.? So, where's it at? Yeah. You're on stage. Sule, I prefer a late back woman. When you're on social media accounts. But is it because you pay attention to what you're talking about? No, but I feel as a person, you need to have... You need to have, like, understand that this is your work life and this is your home life. Like, for me, I have a very definitive work and home life. Like, when I'm at home, I'm just one boy. Yes. And I ensure that I don't live in the city. Because please, thank you, Prisha. Nikiwa, Krox, Zanguni, and the... Kununwa, Mazua, Pomasai, please just leave me alone. Yes, that's one boy. Yes, that's one boy. But when I'm here, of course I have to show up because there's what I am delivering, there are the things I've done, there's the music I do. So now this one is sort of like, it's a job and it's a role, I play. But I think most people, you want to live the public life at work, at home, in Shago, Kila Mahali. But do you think it is actually easy to differentiate being a star at home and at work? I feel, I feel like it's easy. Because you see, when you're dating a star, okay, you may know them as a star, but you're not dating now, Ndanya. No, you've just met now Faith. Faith is not a date, Faith is not a cookie, Faith is not a fan, all those wifey duties. It's not Ndanya. When you're outside there, you're Ndanya, but when you come to the house. Faith in you, maybe a pain in the neck. Faith in your neck, a pain in the neck. Yeah, I feel like, yeah, you can differentiate. Yeah, but I've heard men say, I think if you don't know who you are, it's tough. As a man, I think it's really tough because you have to be a man and a half. You also need to have trust in your partner. I feel like if that's not the case. No, you just need to be able to make room for them because understand, the dynamic shift, people will pay attention to her. Because you see, she has a public image, right? But now for you as a person who has a public image, one of the things we need to learn, like this is something I had to learn was because it's something you need to learn. Pride, just be humble, cook for your family, do what you need to. You just have a persona that is separate from this, be teachable, understand you're human, but it's such a tricky balance. Because you're the same person. For sure, you are the same person. At the end of the day, you're still the same person. That's what we need to learn. Oh, fame, ilm, change. Now, when you say, hey, we are fame, ilm, change, you're still the same person at the end of the day. But now, what about celebrity and celebrity relationships? Because now everything is in the landline. There's a lot of expectations from both of you. When someone is being trolled, you could even be trolled, they're both of you. How does that happen? How do they even go about it? I feel like for me, if I was to date a celebrity, I would not put it public. You say, we'll date, yes, but it's just the two of us. But no, what if they say, you're not proud of them, you're not putting them, you're not proud of them. No, you put them, like now for me, I have a daughter. So I post my daughter even once in three months, whatever, you know, because she's a child. And I want her to grow like a child. And now she's getting into her teens, right? She's turning 13 now. And she's a girl. So I don't want her to feel pressure of, you know, my mom, you know what, so it's not that I'm not proud of her. Posting does not mean you're proud of someone. Posting is just posting, you know? And you can even go for an event together. You do the event. I'm not sure if it's a secret or not. So it's not a secret? You're not serving couple goals, you just post them on special occasions. Yeah, on special occasions. So it's not a secret, but it's private. Yeah, it's private, yes. What are some of the challenges that you guys feel come in now when you have decided now, let me choose a celebrity and let us date. What are some of those challenges that come in? Whether you're in public or not, it could probably, it's not the feedback from people, but now they're both of you as celebrities. You're in the limelight. Okay. I think you can easily project on each other. Because when you're dealing with pressure, mob, you're trying to maintain a certain image. You're trying to look a certain way. You're trying to show up at certain spaces. All of you need to be dressed. You know, it's like you're in competition, you're a couple, it's just you have children. You also have, even raising children for a normal couple is tough. Because when you're in competition, you're in competition, you're in competition. You're in competition, you're in competition. So, one is like, we need to beat these children. The other one is like, no, you're not beating the children. So, you see, already there's a conflict. Friction, yeah. That's why you're a celebrity. It becomes a tricky situation because I'm just here imagining, now you have a show, I have a show, we have a child, we have children. How is that going to be? Because we are all needed in our spaces. But people are doing it. You need to invite them. We need to invite them. The likes of Kinawa, who are nameless, Nadia and Aroboi. Especially when, hey! Now, Bahati and Diana, what are the names of those examples? Because for them, I feel like their life is out here. They've shown us a lot. I think we have become professional actors. But I think we've also become professional actors. As a therapist, I would say that we become professional actors. And that's why now mental wellness is becoming an issue of concern. Because you know the effect of something based on the results on the ground. So the results on the ground is, psychos are full, right? People have clinical depression, anxiety, all these things. And the question is, all these people still have perfect smells on social media. So who's saying the truth? Who's lying to who? Because you cannot admit yourself to a psychode. And we know people who've lost their loved ones to suicide. We've experienced loss in other areas. So there's a general loss, but we are not dealing. We are not dealing because we were never raised to understand that there are emotional wounds. We are not dealing with emotional wounds. But there's a big difference between physical and emotional wounds. Yeah, because emotional wounds, also you have to face them and not rationalize them. You have to say, like if you're sad, you say, Miss Givenchy, hey, today I'm feeling sad. And that's okay. Because it is when you accept that we say, why? What is, you know, there's so much stigma and there's so much loss. Yeah, for sure. So it's a dangerous couple. And people even get used to living with that toxicity. Yeah, it becomes normal. It becomes normal. And that's so sad. Yeah, it lowers your shelf life. It does. Well, so as we wind up in Kenya, what do you choose? Do you choose celebrity and a celebrity? Or do you choose to date a laid-back person? And why? Okay, I choose celebrity versus celebrity. But in my space of work, you see, like me, I'm in front of the cameras, be the guy behind the cameras. So that you can understand. That day when it's 3 a.m., I'm not picking your call. I'm there covering an event. So you don't want to be in front of the camera? No, no. You cannot all of us be in front of the camera, please. Being in the industry, but who could do better? You know, who could how could. I prefer that. Reason being, you'll understand me more. I feel like you. Yeah. You Vivian. You know, now we have already done it. So we're gonna have to leave from experience. I feel like sometimes you don't know that you're gonna do celebrity and celebrity. Because for me, one of the things I had said, I don't want a public, you know, because my music, I find mostly it speaks for itself, right? So I didn't want that glare of the limelight. Plus, naturally, I'm a private person. And I struggle with fakeness. I struggle with lack of, like I'm a true creative. So me, I'm just a hypocrite, disturbing each other, betrayal. I can't deal with that nonsense. I just want to create and I put out the work and people enjoy the work and life continues. But you find that when you have that star, see, when you're your star, I'm when you're your ma'ua. Yeah. It attracts to you. You can't choose that you are a good one. Everything comes. And sometimes you're not mature or grown enough to understand how to handle it. So maybe even as the Nya was talking, I was like, it's good to know what you want. But sometimes as it's happening, be aware. And then, know is a love language. Don't date anyone for pressure. Just say, OK, it's lonely out here. It's hard. Like, you're not what I want. But you are a good person. You are a good person. You are a good rapper. Yeah. Yeah, so for me, from my own experience, is the quality of the person and the person who is teachable, whether celebrity or non-celebrity. Of course, celebrities are lazier because they're already known, so they don't work on themselves. They are just full of Madogodaneo because people will love them anyway because they are gift. But the mask always falls off. It's like a shelf life. So quality of the person and someone who knows how to sit with themselves. It's very dangerous. Do you sense that you are in your space all the time? No, I don't. They don't enjoy their own company. So I know about themselves that they're not able to sit with themselves. Anyway, it's a whole topic. You should be inviting me as your therapist. You should be sitting down more often. Personally, I think it narrows down, like we mentioned when it comes to personality because you could be in the limelight and your personality is trash and you could be laid back and your personality is trash as well. It's true. So it narrows down to personality for sure and also just someone who is confident in themselves. Because if you're in the limelight, you have these fans whom you don't even know, you don't even plan to meet them. You know, they are bombarding you with love. So if it's a person who is not really confident in themselves, they might be triggered. And then now that brings problems in your relationship. Whether they are a celebrity or not. True. Yeah. But I mean, I just get someone that understands you. But, you know, everyone wants to be a celebrity. So also, that's another question. How do we deal with that? And then also another thing is you might date someone who is laid back, but by the virtue of the fact that they are your spouse, they become famous. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. So you chose someone who is not a celebrity, but they become a celebrity in the process. By extension. Yeah. That's a tricky one. That is why it narrows down to personality for sure. For sure. So whether they become famous, if they were not or not, then they are still good to go. All right, guys. What are your thoughts? You may touch any Tuna Shindua. Which is which, guys? I think the relationship to Shidai, clearly. Yeah, clearly. My pen did too. Let us know down on the comment section, what are your thoughts? Your last words, guys. What's your last word, Ndanya? You do you. Whatever works for you, you do you. Go for it. Okay, Vivian. And please say hi to your fans and tell them something. Yes. Yeah. So what do I want to tell them? Did I already tell them to listen to the song? I did. You can still tell them once more. Tell them to jam to rhythm and flow, available on all platforms. And also, just for people to remain hopeful, I know there are people who are suffering in silence. They're not able to speak out, even especially women, once we go through separations, there's a level of shame that you don't need to accept it, right? Because you are not... This is life, man. You know, life happens and things happen and none of us have it figured out. That's why we are here also asking each other these questions. But there's always something we can learn from each other. You know, understand who you are. So that whatever space you find yourself in, whether in a relationship or not in a relationship, it's just an addition. It's not your full identity. Explore your gifts, your talent, your skills. Let those things speak for you. And, guys, pray. I don't know how to explain it to you, Paul, but when you ask someone, given by Jesus, they're like, behind the scenes. Okay. It's a problem. All right, guys. Personally, I feel like just know what you want for sure and also know what you want to get from the other person. Have these conversations. Talk about it. If you are in the limelight, look at what is expected of you, what can happen that is not in your control. Then the other person can tell you what they are expecting of you. If you're in the limelight, do the same thing. Tell each other your expectations. How do you expect to behave in public? You know, have this conversation beforehand. Mjueka Mamtaweza. Mamtaweza. It is that simple. But what you are trying to come up with is... Newquaili. Munaji Patangatu says it's a yes. Well, I'm wazzy, so it's okay. All right, guys. Let us know down on the comments section what are your thoughts about this conversation. But make sure to check out rhythm and flow. To not dance, Sai. Sindi or Lezma to dance. Make sure to check out rhythm and flow by Vivian, featuring Y. Ray. And make sure to tell them how do you find the song as well. Thank you so much for watching Friends Vibes. Until next time, goodbye from us.