 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, oh shoot, what else is the topic? Six things a man says and does when he's not interested. I went praying dead there for a second. Oops, I don't wanna cancel that, what I just said. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell, so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love, and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance a sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian. My job is to shake things up, make you see things from a different perspective. And if it works great, and if it's not, that's okay too. All right, let's talk about those six things a man says or does when he's not interested in you. Now, really quickly, this is gonna be a relatively short video from the perspective of the content. And I say this because the dating process is a mess out there. It is a cluster F out there. I'm gonna wait to do the F-bomb. It's a mess out there. And I get it from my own personal perspective, and I understand why many of you are frustrated with the process, particularly when it comes to men. And part of this frustration is the reality is, is that we're meeting total strangers these days. We're meeting total strangers. And I say this because I wanted to think back a hundred years ago or more. Most likely, anybody you mated with, and I use the term mated with, was in the town you lived in, in the village you lived in, in the tribe. So you had a lot of the same shared values. Your lifestyles were relatively blendable. And you even had familiarity. You knew maybe each other's parents. You knew each other's friends and that sort of thing. So what's happening today, because we're meeting strangers, is a lack of familiarity. And when there is a lack of familiarity, there's a significant amount of doubt and uncertainty. Let me repeat that, doubt and uncertainty. And this is one of the reasons why most humans these days, particularly in the United States, are hyper-focused on chemistry as equaling relationship success. In fact, if there isn't strong chemistry on a first date, oftentimes there's no second date. Let me repeat that. If there isn't a really good bit of chemistry between the two people on a first date, there's a good chance there won't be a second day because it puts a lot of pressure on chemistry to ignite the relationship. And quite frankly, we have learned that chemistry is not the indication of relationship success. And if you follow my work, you know about my relationship iceberg, and I'm gonna put it up right here. And really quickly, the tip of the iceberg is chemistry. And above the waterline is attraction. And below the waterline is compatibility. And as you can see here, shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. That's the indicator to relationship success. So there's no wonder it's a challenge out there because humans aren't focused on actually getting to know another human being at a deeper level because they put so much pressure on chemistry being able to create the indication of relationship success. Okay, and have you ever had great chemistry with a guy and it took off like a rocket and came crashing down to earth shortly thereafter, chances are there wasn't shared values, there wasn't blendable lifestyles, there wasn't emotional maturity. And chemistry is really oftentimes in the first, second or third date, simply lust or limerence. I'm gonna repeat that, lust or limerence. And if you're not familiar with limerence is, if you look it up, go on Google, look up limerence, it's extreme infatuation. That's not real love. That's just feeling excited in the moment. So what happens is, a lot of times, I know you've been indoctrinated that men are the pursuers, men are the chasers, men are the hunters. And if you play hard to get, he's gonna try even harder. And if you play hard to get, he's gonna try even harder. If you play hard to get, he's gonna try even harder. But think about that. If he's trying harder because you're playing hard to get, then you're gonna almost have to sustain that for the entire relationship to make it work. This is why I'm advocating a more approach that's more intentional, using radical honesty as your way to create a deeper connection with another human being. Because the reality is, is many of you are dating the wrong person right from the get-go. And they start showing signs very quickly that they're not the right person for you and you're not the right person for them. So let me put on my trusty glasses and we're gonna jump into the six things men say or do. Make six things men say or do when they're not interested. And by the way, everything I'm gonna share here today, women do the same things as well. I'm gonna repeat that. Women do these same things as well. So number one, he states upfront, I'm not looking for a serious relationship. He states that upfront. I'm not looking for a serious relationship. Now, part of that could be code for I'm hedging my bets. That could also be code is, look, I have no idea whether or not I'm gonna like you. So I don't wanna create a false impression just because I may wanna sleep with you doesn't necessarily mean I wanna be in relationship with you. I'm gonna repeat that. I'm not looking for a serious relationship. Could be code for, hey, I'm not really gonna go down the rabbit hole of relationship with you, but I certainly wouldn't mind sleeping with you. Now, I know many of you have experienced men who've said, I'm not looking for a serious relationship. And you've still engaged thinking, A, you could change his mind, or B, you might even say, you're not looking for a serious relationship and this is fine. Here's the challenge with that. The minute the two of you have sex together, most women bond with men during sexual intercourse. The oxytocin is flowing, the estrogen is flowing and you bond to a guy who may not be the right guy. So all I ask is that you be a little bit cautious when someone says I'm not looking for a serious relationship. In fact, in my coaching practice, and by the way, you can check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. I teach you how to ask better questions right from the get go so you can determine if he's a legit guy, even if he says I'm not serious or someone who's gonna waste your time. So check out the link below. All right, number two. And by the way, everything I say here, women do the same thing. This isn't singular to men, although the topic is this way, but women do this as well. I'm super busy, I'm super busy, I'm busy, I'm busy, I've got busy, I've got my work, I've got my kids, I'm busy, busy, busy. To me, that's an excuse for I'm selfish and it's all about me. I'm selfish and it's all about me. When someone says they're super busy, what they're saying is, here's my life and I've got room for about this much for you in my life. Let me repeat that, this is my life and I have about this much room for you in my life. Listen, when a person leads with busy or their act, I mean, whether they lead with it because it's true or lead with it because they're again, hedging their vets, to me, that's a no-no. If you don't have the capacity to spend regular time with someone to develop a relationship and the reality is it takes a minimum of 100 hours of face-to-face time to just build level one of trust, level one of trust. So I encourage you not, when someone says they're busy, then go, guess what? Reach out to me when you're not busy, when your life isn't always about you and you're not, by the way, and you ain't gonna get the cookie, you ain't gonna get the sex until you actually have time for a committed relationship or at least that's my invitation for you. Number three, he's lazy about texting you back. He's lazy about texting you back. Oh my God, since this thing was invented, these smartphones and everything, smartphones, we now rely on texting as a way of communicating. And when someone is expressed, when someone is lazy about communication, that's really an effort of disinterest. Look it, my phone pocket dials three times a day by accident. So when someone says they don't have time to respond back or they're lazy at responding back, I mean, unless there's actually a genuine reason going on, that's just a sign that you're kind of in the peripheral. Like it's okay, I'll keep you on the shelf. It's kind of like the way when my son has video games, he's got all these video games on the shelf. I see it there, I'll get to it when I want to get to it, okay? But that's not really a courteous way to be in relationship. In fact, I really encourage people to be more effusive, more demonstrative instead of less. Because well, again, less might create this temporary interaction. What I mean to say, going back to what I shared before about hard to get, when people are lazy with their communication, it kind of makes the other person crave communication. But it's also a game-playing tool. And I'm not a big proponent of that. And that just demonstrates to me, or at least indicates to me that someone just might not be interested. All right, number four. He's not really asking you questions about who you are. He's not asking real deeper questions about you who you are. It's all surface conversation. How's your day going? Is your day going good? I hope you're having a good day. By the way, I hope you have a really great day. You know what? I'm wishing you a really good day. Look at a lot of people have surface conversations. And this is one of the reasons why relationships go nowhere. I'm here to advocate radical honesty. Look at genuine commitment comes from intimacy. Real genuine heartfelt romantic commitment comes from intimacy. It comes from going deeper than the surface. This is one of the reasons why I've been lately recommending the book Oral Sex, Talking and Listening Your Way to Passionate Intimacy. I wanna encourage everyone to start learning how to ask better questions and seek people who are genuinely curious about you. Let me repeat, you know, to me, the richest conversations is the discussion of ideas and opinions from a place of curiosity. And if a person isn't curious, chances are they're not interested in you. And while they might be capable of companionship, connection and sex, wouldn't you want a deeper relationship? Haven't you yearned for a deeper relationship? Then either then start leading by example and ask better questions yourself. And certainly appreciate the men who do ask deeper questions than the surface. Okay, number five, he's not trying to make you feel special. He's not doing kind gestures for you. You know, it seems to me, a lot of people are selfish these days. Men and women like, they're more focused on what they can get and what they can give. I'm gonna repeat that, most people seem to be focused on what they can get instead of what they can give. And I see this with women as well. The first date process is all about what can I get, what can I get, what can I get? Instead of coming from a place of generosity and giving. And let me tell you something, when a man isn't trying to make you feel special, even with little kind gestures by just opening the car door for you and maybe standing up when you walk into a room, just little kind gestures to demonstrate that there's some care. Let's possibly assign, he's just not that interested in you. And number six, let me put my glasses back on, number six, oh, this is a big one. I'm gonna put that on the screen right again. He says, he's a mess and you deserve better. Let me repeat that. He says, he's a mess and you deserve better. This is a guy without balls. Now, the reason behind that, he's wounded, he's got trauma, he's got crap going on in his life. I understand why that happens. A man who says my life's a mess and you deserve better, that's a guy who lacks balls. And not that I'm trying to shame a person who says that. I guess I am shaming the person when they say he doesn't have balls. I'm just here to say, you know what? If you're any of the guys watching this and you're pulling that crap, please stop that hole. You deserve better. That just demonstrates a lack of self-love for yourself. And if you're familiar with my work, I wrote a book called What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway? Because the reality is, is it's not about deserving. It's about honoring your self-worth, your self-esteem, your self-confidence. And when someone's life is a mess, then you shouldn't actively be dating out there. And I say this, you know, after, and I'm gonna say this, I was a mess and I was dating. This is the reality of the vast majority of people, especially in midlife, which is after baby making years and before retirement, are a mess, okay? And they're seeking that connection and intimacy, not necessarily emotional intimacy, but physical intimacy as a way to fulfill themselves. And while some people eventually lead into deeper relationships when they're a mess, it's the exception, not the rule. It's that broken clock that's right twice a day. So just to repeat, six signs that he says he's not, six things he does, or says he's not interested in you, he states upfront, I'm not looking for a serious relationship, he says I'm super busy. He's lazy about texting you back. He's not really asking you deeper questions to get to know you as a person. He's trying to, he's not trying to make you feel special. And he says he's a mess and you deserve better. Well, these are just some examples. And by the way, as I said, women do this too. These are big time red flags that might suggest to you, ask better questions before you get too involved with a person like this. All right, those are just my quick, quick thoughts and perceptions on this subject. I hope you found value from it. Please post a comment below, write any questions. You know, if you're listening to the replay of this. And now we're gonna jump into the Q&A of this live stream. So for those that are familiar with my work, I'm shooting this video live right now. There's a chat box. If you're listening to the recording, I will read all the questions that come out. If you do wanna ask a question, write the word question, then post the question there after at this moment, mark this moment and write that now. And if so, if you wrote it before, copy and paste to put it again, or purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat. For those who purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat, know that the funds go to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. There's a picture of him right there, right there. That's my son who passed away a few years ago. And in his name, I started a scholarship fund to the defray the cost of personal development for those who are seeking help and to donate to the charities related to personal development that are near and dear to me. So purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat by hitting that dollar sign in the chat box or write the word question and post the question there after. All right, and I will do my Scooby Dooby Doo sound for Robin right now. All right, let's take a look at who's asked a question. So we're gonna scroll through right now. I wanna quickly thank Gabriel for the $5 Super Sticker, thank you so much. Gina for the 20, I think that's, God, what is it? The English pound sign, thank you so much. All right, let's see what questions we have. Post the word question and then write the question thereafter. Gabriella says, hello, Jonathan. I love watching your videos. I'm a younger demographic at 28, going through a divorce and just you as a person helps. I bought your book and the Hoffman process. So glad you purchased this book. This is a great book to connect with your negative thoughts, your limiting beliefs that were pretty much triggered from your childhood wounds and trauma. So that's a great book. So honored that you purchased that. Robin says, it's a cluster fuck out there. Yes, it is. Let's call it for what it is. Lisa says, it's an F-bomb mess. Indeed it is. All right, if you have a question, post the word question. Oh, here we go. Oh, Jane says, I'm sick and tired of dealing with damaged men. Do the work, no games, please. It's exhausting. So Jane, here's the thing. Men and women alike are damaged. It's oftentimes they're unaware, they're unaware that they're damaged. So I want to just suggest not to be overjudgmental for those people and just have compassion and love. That's what love would do. That's how love would respond. I'm gonna repeat that. What would love do? Love respond is understand that human beings are damaged and they oftentimes don't realize that their need for companionship, connection and sex is coming from a disingenuous place versus a genuine place. So I just want to draw attention to that. But thank you for bringing that up. I really appreciate it. I want to thank Gabriella for the $20. Jonathan, I'm working on bettering myself. What books do you recommend other than your book in the Hoffman process? First, thanks to you so much for that super sticker. So which book, well, I definitely recommend the book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. Definitely the book Attached, Getting the Love You Want by Harbell Hendrix, Helen Hunt, great book. Definitely recommend How to Make Love All the Time by Barbara DeAngeles. And of course, the book I recommend most frequently is Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. All the books I suggest is in the Jonathan recommends books right there, you can check that out. Purchase this, so check out the link in the description to get those. All right, thank you so much, Gabrielle. All right, question, Jane says, is it too soon to give out my Google number just after one or two text message? Will a guy be put off? Absolutely not. First off, folks, sometimes when communicating through dating sites, it's much easier to communicate via text messaging. And if you have a Google number, great, because that's something you can always change. So no, it's not too, look, if you're not familiar with my rule, three, two, one, three, let me repeat that, three, two, one, three, okay? Here's the thing, you've connected with someone online. My suggestion is no more than roughly about three text message email exchange should lead to one or two phone calls, one or two phone calls, and that one or two phone calls should lead to scheduling one date and that should all happen a three week period of time. If two people live near each other and you've connected through a dating site because you've expressed you're seeking a relationship, then I wouldn't waste more than three weeks in communicating with someone for a date. So again, three, two, one, three, three email exchanges, text messaging leads to two, one or two phone calls should lead to one date, all happening in a three week. Now I just wanted to give you some context here. Your three email exchanges might take four to five days, let's just say, and by the time you schedule a phone call that might be some days later, and by the time you schedule a date, all of that should happen in three weeks. Now some of you might be going, but Jonathan, I'm communicating with a long distance guy. Okay, this is what happens when you date long distance. Bang, okay. It is very difficult to actually create a relationship when distance is involved. And all that does is prolong, oftentimes prolong agony. I'm gonna repeat that, it prolongs agony. Well, I'm not suggesting that long distance dating doesn't occasionally work, but think about it. Think about how hard it is to make it work when you live, when you're in your own city. Now some of you might be thinking, well, I live in a city that doesn't have good quality men. Okay, good people are everywhere. Well, and a lot of emotionally distressed people are everywhere. Here's the challenge with long distance. You can spend a lot of time talking, talking, talking, talking and never go anywhere. I had one woman tell me, she wrote to me, she goes, I'm in a nine month relationship. I'm like, really? When did you guys first meet and when did you first have sex? She goes, oh, I haven't met the person. She's in a pen pal relationship, a text message relationship, a telephone relationship because of the distance. And that could go on for years. Like, do you wanna waste your time or do you wanna have a face to face relationship? And just remember this, it takes a hundred hours of face to face time to build stage one of trust. You gotta do shit together to build trust. And so over the phone is very difficult. So go back to your original question, absolutely give out your Google number and begin chatting that form. And again, use my three, two, one, three method. All right, Jane, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right, let's go swim in, let's go swim in. Let's see, Sherry says, Jonathan, you keep showing off the oral sex book but no one touches on that book. No one touches on that book. I don't get that. All right, let's see if we have a question post where Kimberly says, thank you, I appreciate that. Question, when do you sleep with someone? Ironically, okay, question from Sharon. I just posted a short video this morning on this very same subject, but I'll repeat myself. The acronym I use is CARES, CARES, C-A-R-E-S. The C stands for don't have sex with a guy until you're comfortable, go until you're comfortable. And by the way, I think that goes without saying but don't have sex with someone until you're comfortable. The A stands for aware, be aware of the consequences. And what I mean to say is if you bond quickly with a guy, just know this, you could have sex with a guy and he could never call you again. And if you bonded with him because of that then be aware of the consequences to yourself. If you bond quickly, the R stands for real, learn his real intentions. Is he serious or is he just seeking casual? Ask better questions before you have sex with a guy and the E stands for exclusivity. Look, I'm a big proponent of not catching cooties. So if I'm gonna have regular sex with someone, I'd like it to be exclusive and the S stands for safety. Whether it's an STD test or condoms, be safe out there. That's my suggestion. The timing doesn't matter. What matters most is be comfortable, be aware of the consequences, learn their real intentions, be exclusive and be safe. That's my indication for you. Sharon, thank you so much for that question. I appreciate it. All right, let's go swim in. Oh, okay. We don't have any questions. Jennifer says, fuck pen pal. I cut men off after a few text messages. We don't speak and meet. Way to go Jennifer. I'm with you on that one. All right. Jane says, why cut someone off quickly if they don't commit to meeting after a few texts? Lots of lovely guys out there who've lost their confidence. The reason why Jane is because you can waste a lot of time on the wrong people. Here's the thing. People that are genuinely seeking a relationship make effort. People that are just killing time are cavalier about it. The question is, listen, I got to tell you a lot of women are just as equally the same as men. I mean, well, actually I should say women are just like men too. They can be lazy with text messaging. Just because they might cut off a guy, a guy will cut, I'll cut off a woman if she's not engaging with me. I will cut a woman off like that. I got to tell you something. I can't tell you how many conversations I've started and the women are lazy with their communication or they take time to communicate. Now the rules, the rules book will suggest that playing hard to get hooks a guy. Okay. Here's the problem with that advice. And by the way, I want to say something about the book, the rules. There is some genuine good stuff in the book. The rules centered around loving on yourself. I'm a big proponent of loving on yourself. What I'm not a big proponent of playing hard to get because it temporarily hooks a man for the wrong reasons. It could be their needy. It could be that they're controlling. It could mean that they just want to conquest. So playing hard to get might temporarily work but it doesn't work for the genuinely heart centered man out there. Guys like me, I don't put up with that shit. If you're playing hard to get, homie don't play that game. So scooby dooby doo, homie don't play that game. So I'm just here to say while it might work. And by the way, I've heard that there's bullshit science that actually validates this. I can't imagine. I want you to think about the idea of science. Have they studied thousands of people through genuine dating process of text messaging and communicating? How do they study? What's the laboratory they study the actual dating process? A lot of science-based rhetoric in my opinion is based on supposition and not actual factual data. So be leery of anyone that claims science to demonstrate love. And let me just say this. If playing hard to get makes a man love you, I want you to think about that. Then you're gonna always have to play hard to get to keep that love. And the minute you let your guard down, that guy is out the door. Real love happens through shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, genuine intimacy with one another, doing, you know, traveling together, being there as a support person. And I'm here to say that a lot of dating rhetoric, especially the ones that claim science, have them prove that science to you. Show the data that proves this and look at the parameters. Because I gotta tell you something. Men who have gone through a divorce and alimony and child support and visitation rights and traumatic exes and God forbid they had trauma in their childhood. And this is true as women as well. Oftentimes love is based on unhealthy attachment to another human being and not genuine attachment to a human being. So I'm here to say, and I went up on a tangent. I forgot where the question started. What was the original question? Playing hard to get is so not cool. Thank you. Anyway, I went off on a tangent. I think you get the gist of where I'm going. Thanks so much for that question. Rebecca says, I concur. Oh, this had to do. Oh, I know why I went off on a tangent is I'm here to promote a healthier, more positive way to date, mate and relate. This is why I'm such a fan of the book. If the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated and why I'm such a fan of this book, it's because it's really dating from a heart centered space not based on penis or vagina. I'm gonna repeat that's not based on male or female. It's based on a heart centered way to connect with another human being because a lot of the dating rhetoric is supported by the human being. The dating rhetoric is making the supposition about how men and female operate from their basic caveman perspective. And if you're not understanding that there's way more than bi... So I want you to understand something. Instinct gender based is men are hunters and protectors and women are nurturers. Okay, that's one supposition. Biology based, gender based is hormones and pheromones. Socialization is how boys and girls are socialized differently. Imprinting is our unresolved childhood wounds, traumas and love attachment style. The age of a person, men and women in their 40s, 50s and 60s is a lot different than men in their 20s and 30s. Life experience, adult traumas, divorce, job loss, kids, baggage, cultural and religious differences, socio and economic differences, physical health and appearance, emotional intellect and lastly, people who are introspective. There's a lot more to this stew than just this whole rhetoric is just lean back in your feminine energy and the guy will crave you. By the way, I just want to say this with regards to feminine energy. I am all in favor of empowered energy for men and women or males and females. By the way, my audience is heterosexual so I'm speaking to males and females, men and women and I'm more of a proponent of understanding that self love is not based on gender. Self love is not based on gender, it's based on learning, it's your self worth, self esteem, self confidence, self reliance. By the way, there's a link to all the books I recommend here. So I want to encourage a more heart centered way of dating, mating, relating and I hope I come across that way in my channel. If I do, please give me a thumbs up right now, share this video or give me an amen in the comments. Thank you so much. Gabriella says, I bought the Buddha dated after watching two of your videos. I'm not even dating or close to it but this is such a good book. It helped me stop self deprecation because of traditional gender roles. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm so happy to hear that, woohoo! Jane P says, I love that, I love you! Thank you so much. C.C. says, I love it when you joke about the lean back and the feminine energy. And again, I remember I'm all for empowered energy of men and women alike. All right, let's see what we have here. Let's go swimming. Oh, let's go swimming. Question, Shannon says, I'm a very shy person and I have trouble meeting up for dates. How should I approach getting over that and or helping a man understand that I need more time and that not stringing him along? How do we address shyness? You know what's lacking in human beings this day? Is a lack of self discipline. I've noticed a lot of human beings lack self discipline. If you were aware you're shy, then I encourage you to push outside of your comfort zone and that requires leaning into your fear. What is the fear causing the shyness? Most likely the fear of getting hurt, okay? And if we fear getting hurt, then we create walls from really connecting with another human being. This is why in my private coaching, I teach this something called radical honesty. How do we overcome fear by feeling safe? How do we feel safe? We ask better questions. And I wanna go beyond asking better questions. We vet people for emotional maturity. And that would include also vetting their social media presence. I'm gonna shift the narrative here and discuss social media. Do you know one of the things I like to do before I go out on a date with someone? I do my best to be my detective to look up someone's social media page. Quite frankly, what people post on social media gives you an indication of who they are as a person and possibly their emotional maturity. This way I feel a little bit safer when I learn something about them. Now, some of you might say the less thing you wanna do is give out your social media page. But here's the thing. It's public, it's out there to be seen. If you're showing it and I know some of you have privacy issues and I get that. But let's face it. If we can get a little window into somebody we might feel a little bit safer so we don't show up as shy. Now, it might require talking on the phone a little bit more to feel safer but the reality is is that's still surface. I invite you with self-discipline to push past your fear and lean into your fear and know that no matter what so long as you practice safe principles for yourself you're gonna be okay. You can actually get to know someone in a safe way by being out in public, by doing some reconnaissance about the other person. And by the way, if you can't do a little reconnaissance about a person maybe if that you'll look up their LinkedIn, look them up on Google, look them up on Facebook, look them up on Instagram. If you can't find a social media footprint I would be a little reluctant a little bit afraid to connect with someone. These are just some minimal suggestions I'm offering up. I'm not an expert on overcoming shyness. These are just off the cuff ideas that I have. And I hope that I helped you a little bit and thank you so much for your question, Shen and I really appreciate it. All right. We're gonna take one more thing on my cup says swear a little, you'll feel better. Fuck that shit. We're gonna take one more question cause we're gonna have a short night tonight. Michelle says we're gonna take two questions. Hi there. I'm up to my fifth date. No sex yet and not feeling the pressure. We definitely connect and have a general intimacy. I'm trying to make the unfamiliar, familiar way to go, Michelle. All right. Ally writes question. Why is ghosting out of left field growing in popularity, Jonathan? What is possibly behind this? Well, let's differentiate ghosting from the early stages of communication to actually being in a relationship. Here's the thing. Until you're actually in a relationship with someone you have no obligation. Think about this. Women, men used to give their phone number to a woman or let me rephrase that. Women used to give a false phone number to a man. Okay. Not to suggest that's ghosting but women have given their phone number to a man and not return to phone call. This goes, this has been around for a long time in the early stage of dating. Ghosting is actually when you're in a relationship with them and they stop communication altogether. Why is this so popular today? Part of it is because you can go online and replace someone very quickly. I'm gonna repeat that. You can go online and replace someone very quickly. That's one reason why. Another reason why is people are afraid to say, I'm just not that interested in you anymore. The reality is this. Relationships are a very delicate balance to make happen. Genuine love doesn't happen by playing hard to get and playing games and creating competition for men. That's not how true love is formed. Love is formed through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and professional life and intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy. That is how love is born. And when you actually develop a friendship with somebody, you don't ever wanna break up with them. I'm gonna repeat that. When you develop a friendship with someone, you don't wanna break up with them. So what's really missing today is genuine friendship built while you're fucking each other. I mean, I'm gonna be that blunt. Most humans don't know how to build friendship. Do I have my book? Dale Carnegie wrote a book, How to Make an Influenced Friends. I don't have a copy of it here. Dale Carnegie, but maybe you might wanna consider learning how to make a friend with another human being. That would be my invitation for you. But Ali, thank you for that question. That's just my belief system on why that's happening more frequently. All right. All right. This will be our last question of the day. Why? Question, I find it hard to meet guys or anyone, especially now that things are closed from COVID shit. How can we better connect? Nicole, let me just say this. 50% of all new relationships for people over 45 years old is happening with an online connection. And that number is gonna increase drastically higher. The reality is, is for folks over 45 years old, they're not meeting organically. They're not meeting face-to-face to the same degree as you did when you're in your 20s and 30s and COVID has certainly changed that as well. This is the reality we're dealing with. This is why you have to become a better detective in this process. You have to learn intentional dating. You have to learn radical honesty, or at least that's my invitation for you. So check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you because my area of expertise is to teach you how to do a better job vetting someone. And if you're not familiar with the book by Barbara DeAngelis, are you the one for me? I highly recommend reading this book. This book is filled with everything you need to know to overcome the fear. And what's gonna eventually happen is you're gonna become a better detective in the dating process. And so you don't have to fear the online connection. You'll just be able to sort people a lot sooner. All right, I think this will be a good place to wrap up for today. It's a Friday night. What are you guys doing tonight? Are you doing something fun? I'm gonna stay for a few more seconds. So I'm just gonna look at the chat box. If you're doing something fun, post it. I'd like to read about it. Or if you have a personal question for me, I'll take one or two personal questions before we wrap up. I hope you're doing something fun tonight. It's Friday night. I'm going out for drinks. I live right at the beach. It's gonna be a blast. And I hope you have a fantastic night. But I will take one or two personal questions before I wrap up today. So if you have one, post it in the comment section right now. Yvonne says, TGIF hugs to everyone. Thank you. Oh, it's Saturday morning in Australia. Way to go. Oh, Jane says NLP can help shyness. You might want to, by the way, that's a great idea. You could actually go to a hypnotherapist to work on shyness. So that's a great idea. Oops, I burped. Someone out to go see the new Bond movie. Way to go. CC says, thank you for all your advice. CC, excuse me, looking great. Thank you so much. Luckily I have a podcast seems to help a bit with shyness. Way to go. I had a friend zone question. I didn't get to see it. All right. Hey folks, this is gonna be a place to wrap up today. I wanna thank everyone for your love and support. Oh, Jane says, docos, docos, docos, you know me. Anyway, I wanna thank everyone for your love and support. If this you found value in this, please purchase a super sticker, super chat to donate to the Conor Asley Scholarship Fund. Also, really quickly, I don't know if you noticed, but I'm wearing the same shirt and all three of these pictures. Thought I'd point that out today. Oh, I should award today. That would have been appropriate for this. Really quickly tell your friends about this, my channel. If you need some support, check out the links below. And I want you all to have a fantastic evening. And I want you all to meet great people in your life. And I hope I'm making a difference in your life. And if I am, please give me a thumbs up. All right, we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic jot and bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or pillow and give itter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. Let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye now. Thank you, Shannon. Thank you, Nicole. Thank you, Elizabeth. Thank you, Patricia. Thank you, Jane. Thank you, Debra. Thank you, Kelly. Thank you, Elizabeth. All right, everybody, thanks so much. Have a wonderful evening. Bye now.