 Hi everybody, I am excited to be here with Suzanne Colberg and we're going to be talking about a topic that I think a lot of us deal with, which is over giving, and how that affects both our business, as well as our health and our weight. Because Suzanne is well I'll go into your bio Suzanne I just want to first say hi welcome thank you for doing this. Hi George thanks for having me. Yeah. Well let me read your bio, so that people can have a sort of this official background and then we'll get into this very important topic over giving boundaries how that affects business, our, you know, our health our weight etc. So, here we go. Suzanne is a mindset coach for weight loss. And I remember you say weight release. You know, right. Yes, I can talk about that light up. So, your mindset coach for weight loss or weight release, she believes people often gain too much weight, because they give too much to help others. Okay, they give too much to help others, they overeat because they over give the solution is to deal with the pattern of over giving, not the pattern of overeating deal with the over giving and the food issues will largely take care of themselves paradigm shifting idea right there. Suzanne's passion is fueled by her own weight journey from going from 150 kilograms which I looked up it's about 330 pounds 330 pounds to maintaining the 72 kilograms she is now which is you know 150 ish pounds, which is amazing. Suzanne uses a mix of modalities including an LP near neuro linguistic programming hypnosis and energy healing and plenty of wisdom that you share and kind of mindset changes to give your clients the accountability to create lasting change. Awesome. Well, welcome to you. So, just before we started recording I mean we were, I was like okay this this could be a three hour conversation this is so good but let's start with this connection. Between, I want you to start with a connection between over giving and overweight. And then we can get into why people over give and how that even shows up in their business as well. So, I'll let you start wherever you like. Thank you. So, very quickly because you picked up the weight loss thing and the weight release thing. Yes, it's people. In the world, I explained my personal aversion to the term loss because in no other area do we actually want to lose anything. But people understand that they didn't understand weight release, but at the core of it. The way I do weight loss or weight release is people know what to do. They, they know what to eat. They know how to exercise. But there's something that's not going well. They make the plans, you know, and then they over give somebody needs them. Somebody asked them for help whether it be children partner friends colleagues fellow entrepreneurs. So then they kind of give and they burn out and then they over consume in my world. Most of the people is food because that's my background. But it could be, you know, Candy Crush apps, Netflix alcohol, then they feel guilty and they make the plans against they end up in this over giving cycle and not making any traction towards their goals. And it's very similar. And what we were talking about before we jumped on is this struggle. What if the struggle with business is because you over give to me. It's the same logic. You know what to do in your business. You've bought the courses. You've downloaded them. You've got them all clean and pretty and ready to write in the in the manual or whatever, but you don't go through with them. Why? Because you're always giving to other people, always supporting other people instead. Wow. I love it. And you also mentioned before we started recording this thing about information versus integration. Maybe you could just briefly mention that. Yeah, totally. So we think we need more information, whether it be weight or business, because we haven't had the results that we know we're capable of that we've seen other people have. So we're like, okay, it must be the next course or the next diet or the next coach or the next mentor. So we're really hungry for information. And so we go and buy the things and then we don't actually take the time to integrate it to apply it because sometimes it's like we have this mindset. You know, so we don't even really take it in and we don't realize it's because someone else has asked, oh, can I just have five minutes? Can I pick your brain? Can I ask you about this and be and not saying don't help people, but we don't realize how much of our time gets eaten away with with the over helping. And then we're kind of tired because we've given so much to everybody else that we're feeling drained and we fill up with food, Netflix, something else and then think, oh, well, I'll do it tomorrow. Or it mustn't have been the right course. It has to be the next thing. So the information like we're in an information overload at the moment. It's taking the time to integrate it to get the transformation. That's the missing piece for so many of us. That's brilliant. Yeah, I mean, the fact that you whoever is watching this right now are listening to this is watching or listening shows that you love consuming information and consuming information feels very subtly and it's an illusion, but it feels like you're getting something done. It feels like, okay, I'm learning. Learning can't be bad. Learning is part of the growth journey. And of course it is. But as I always say too, it's like the best way to learn is through experience, through action. And as you say, brilliant through integration. Okay, so I mean thus far, so basically what I'm all, what I'm saying to you all is let this be the last video you watch today. And then you go and do, right, like this should be the last video you watch today and then you go and do do whatever it is, is, is you know is helpful for your business or for your health, etc. But let's get back to, I mean, you coach you've been coaching. How many years have you been coaching people on this? Yeah, I just want to interrupt there but something that you said George something landed. Sometimes when we buy a course. And the perfectionist in us is like, because I can't do it perfectly because I can't do all of it. I'll just listen I'll listen through it once and then I'll come back. And we don't because by then we've gone on to the next course. Or if there's a part of it that we don't want to apply it doesn't resonate with us or whatever we like because I'm not going to do these steps one to 10. What if the part of the course you only need step six. So sometimes we, we hold ourselves back or we hamstring ourselves because we're not doing it in the exact way for me for any course I do now. I think what's the one thing I got from this, because I don't necessarily have the time of inclination to apply every single thing in the exact way. But if that one piece of information was the piece I needed, and then I can move on. I think that frees a lot of us from I call it, we're almost like digital dragons hoarding our gold of courses. You know, it's like, I got this piece, and it was enough. And I think that's where many of us come on stuff because we didn't apply at all. We feel like we failed. Well, Suzanne, I do expect that you apply all of my spreadsheets though. I'm going to check on your hard drives later or whatever your Google Drive. No, thank you. This is so good. So those of you watching I think you can tell that Suzanne is, is very experienced in helping people with the stuff and so okay, I want to get an experience with spreadsheets. No, you can you can work with the you can work with the the mindset stuff that helps people so. So, so I think probably some people are still reeling from what we just said in the beginning which is how over giving is connected to being overweight, how over how over giving is connected to over consuming. Which is, which is really, but please let's flush this out a little bit more because I feel like if people walk away today with that idea and really understood it and to start to integrate it. Hopefully, we can start to recognize that within our own lives and to see the connection and just to the awareness of, of that dynamic will hopefully help us to start healing that, you know, or that or break that vicious cycle. So, so when did you, I don't, I mean, I don't, you don't necessarily need to go through the whole origin story but I'm just really curious, like, I mean, honestly, I, it makes sense once you say it but it's like I don't hear enough people saying or maybe you're the only person here who's who said it I mean you say it so succinctly so how did this come about like, yeah. I didn't realize this pattern until after I had healed my weight. It actually, the point for me that were hit me in the face was when I realized my business journey was mirroring my weight journey and the ways that I over gave in business like I was burning out because I was going over time with appointments. If people were turning up to the session late, I was not finishing on time I was going over to make up for the fact that they had come late and I didn't call them on it. I was letting people cancel at the last minute with no consequence like I wasn't charging them I was letting them just book it back in. I didn't have a messenger coaching like people would send me an inquiry and I would write back and they would write back and I worked through this with you George over a year ago it was exhausting. Like, I was, I was constantly on my messenger and I didn't really. It was my kids who kind of picked me up on that because I was only half listening to them. I had two boundaries with my one on one versus my groups I started a group, which I love and I still have. But I'm sure nobody was nefarious and if any of my clients are watching this I love you all dearly and I'm sure it wasn't your intention and I've take my responsibility for this. But if you could get somebody at a significant cheaper rate and get the same deal, why wouldn't you. You know, I wasn't clear. So people were downgrading from one on one to my membership. So my money that was coming in was going through the floor, but I was doing more work. And, and, you know, people would message me and go can I just pick your brain. And I didn't know how to say no. So I was getting on zoom cup is and stuff. And there was one day where I was just, I was really low point and I was like maybe I should just quit my business and go get a job. I'm not cut out for this and someone sent me a pick your brain message. So I think my link to my one on one. I was like, you go because session, you know, it felt like huge for me. And they wrote back and they go, well, I don't want to lose way. I just want to ask you about stuff. I'm like, so you just want my time. Like, I kind of, I got a little bit resentful. And I realized that like I was reading a Brené Brown book at the time and she has this quote that's now like my mantra clear is kind. And I couldn't get resentful at people who were not respecting my boundaries when I wasn't clear about what they were. So it became this really murky messy thing. And, you know, I had to say so I did a thing and I spoke to all my clients and I said, look, I'm owning my part in this. I have I have done this. So it's not to blame or anything. But going forward, he is my client agreement because I've always had a client agreement. I've got a legal agreement, but I haven't upheld it. So I was like sessions will start and finish on time. You know, sessions are canceled under 24 hours will still be charged. I just like I went through metamorphosis like the butterfly coming out and it did upset a lot of people and I did lose a lot of clients. But I found myself again, I could spend time with my kids and then new people came in and people actually came to me and they come to me now and they're like, I love your work because of how clear you are. And I love the boundaries and people feel safe. We're worried that if we set boundaries, people will be upset with us or people will be this. But when people don't know and then they're overstepping and then we get frustrated and we kind of rip their heads off inadvertently. Like no wonder they they feel the pushback. But if you're really clear and then they're like, well, I don't want to work with someone like that. That's great. They don't have to come into the container to start with. So it was from understanding this through my business that I realized I've done the same thing with my weight and it all kind of got really clear with this where I thought I was helping. I was actually enabling people. My gosh. Okay, I'm going to be time stamping the last few minutes and sharing that with my clients because that's that was that was really, really helpful. I mean, and you, I mean, it just all came out of you because it's coming out of your own, your, your lived experience. That's why it's, it's, it's like you're, you're just talking, well, this is what happened and you learn from it. Do you maybe a little potentially do you if someone said, Suzanne, I'd like to get your coaching on the boundary stuff. Is that something to provide. Absolutely. I don't like publicly do it, but sometimes the boundaries thing it's clear the business thing it's kind of like the startup thing. Huge. It's a huge journey and people. Yeah, I totally do that. Okay, because I want to encourage those watching if you have been finding this revelatory. It will be life changing really to actually integrate this stuff into your day to day and working with Suzanne may be helpful for that. So this is so good because I actually notice that I actually keep really good boundaries. I don't know how it started happening maybe over time and part of it is that I'm very much a J on the Myers Briggs very, very J so I'm very good at well spreadsheets calendars I like putting things into boxes, which also means time into boxes and like, No, you're not allowed to email me, you know, it's interesting because I actually don't have a client agreement as you well know I don't have a contract or an agreement that people sign. But because I somehow communicate my boundaries and I'm gonna have to start noticing this. And those of you watching who know, know me know my work and start to say well yeah you communicated this way or that way I'd be curious. I think somehow I communicated it's like, it's like such a natural part of me, and I assume that everybody does. But you are so right that actually I would say most of the people would say probably probably half maybe more than half of the clients I work with. I really don't have good boundaries I think I think especially because I attract the people into my audience who are more caring, who want to be authentic, which means that they want to be more expressive of who what their soul really is, which, which can be go into the whole go and go with a flow thing which can be poor boundaries it's like, it's like there's a lot of relationship between all that. But let's get back to, let's go, let's get back to this so you've just you've listed a couple of ways we can all start to notice how we're, we don't keep good boundaries, but then how does that relate then to over consumption. It kind of happens that I know it's a cliche but you know they say give from the overflow. And I was like I remember reading that I was like, what's this overflow. I don't even feel like I have dregs, do you know what I mean. But like when we do unable to say no, and we give a lot, we do end up depleted in in ourselves. And the way that I myself and the people I work with, fill up that depletion is usually with eating. So by the end of the day, when you've, you burn out and you've over given, you just stay up late watching TV because that's your time and mindlessly play games and watch TV and eat and have ice cream and, you know, like all this stuff because you've given and given and given. And, you know, this is the time this is the only way you know how to receive and it needs to be a balance you can't constantly give without the door swings, you know, in and out open and closed. So when we give so much. That is the only way that we know how to take back, even though in the back of our mind we're screaming I don't want to do this I want to go to bed I want to be rested. I want to eat well I value my health. But it's just gone past that point like where you're just in the dregs. And it's, it's kind of this pushback it's really hard to articulate but people who experience it they'll know that just like, I need to switch off my brain and all this stuff just, you know, and then you feel guilty and this is the real crux of it. I think when we feel resentful of our clients or our family or our children, we don't like to feel that way we're caring and loving people and that is not a nice place to be. So when we over consume, then we feel guilty and that's very self directed, I'm much more comfortable being mad at myself and being mad at anybody else. But actually now that I have these boundaries and I can say to people, like, that's a no, like a clear no, or a not right now. Some people do get affronted, but then they'll just go and ask someone else, like there's always going to be some sucker who will do something for them. So it's kind of like, I don't have that getting to that stage anymore, because I can say no whereas before I felt so bad and I wanted to help. But I didn't really help people I only enabled them and the more I said yes the more they asked it became this weird kind of codependency. And then I was like, why am I not getting anywhere? So I think sometimes the overeating the over consuming comes in, because we feel bad about it. And that's directed to self and that's easier for us to process then for us to feel resentful. This is so good. And as you say, it's so funny because I think in the working world or just in not just a working world I feel like in the normal modern human world. We have this language of I got to decompress or I have to just veg out and just sit on the couch and veg out usually mean stuffing our face in some way or stuffing our face with media, and with or with food or with other substances or whatever like you said apps as well, you know, playing video games or whatever is so easy now to be able to just addict us. It's like, in other words, it's like, we work hard all day. And then we get into our addictions, because that's somehow supposed to fill us up. Yeah, is and it's not recognized in in Western culture at least not in Australia and I don't think in America and stuff is to give pockets to ourselves during the day. Like before we started you're talking about having your nap and I love that. Because why do we work all day and relax all night. It's almost like why do we work our whole lives and then not relax till we retire. Why is that like, why can't we have a nap? Why can't we go for a walk? Why can't we read a book? Not all day like that scene is like lazy, but these receptive pockets during the day where we take 10, 15, 20, 30 minutes and give to ourselves throughout the day. So in the evening we're not into the dregs and then needing this frenetic relax on the couch over consumed because we've gotten so drained. Yeah, this is so good. My goodness, we only have a few minutes left. And I, yeah, I really enjoyed this conversation and I hope those who are watching this finding is helpful will reach out to you and knowing that you keep good boundaries and to schedule. Thank you. Or to join your why wait. Okay, so some, okay, there's, there's two types of people here watching this one who do would like to work on their weight issues. And Suzanne is a fantastic coach for for for doing that obviously your why weight program weight is w eight the number eight so why wait, why wait program is designed for that. I do mindset coaching with people who recognize themselves in the conversation we're having about over giving and boundaries. And so whichever type of person you are contact Suzanne, but I want to ask you one more thing. Before we go which is, I sometimes hear people say, Yes, I was working with a client who's now a friend. And like, it makes me worry because it's like, what does that mean does that mean you now feel obligated to help them outside the client relationship and what does that mean for your boundaries but you want to do I want to say anything about that. This is a very challenging thing, and it's something I face because as kind heart centered caring entrepreneurs we often be friend our clients, but we need to be really clear so for me. There's ways people can contact me so if people are my friends, they can send me a text message or they can send me a messenger thing, but if they're a client, I use boxer. So there's the different ways and then, or if we're not sure, and they work with me one on one. At the beginning of the message like is it a friend message or is it a is it a business message like I need that clarity and sometimes I'll say because sometimes you just want to vent to a friend. So there's being very clear and then this is going to sound really funny. But anyway, it is what it is. We have like a safe word. So it's like, if it's if this is going to go if this is going to risk the friendship, we say the word and then we absolve the coaching relationship because I value my friends. I can get lots more clients, but you know, friends first. So there's some people who that has happened to and I won't coach anymore and it will start to look back and I need to hold the boundary and say, you know, this is something that you need to work with with a coach, not me. Yeah, really good. That's really true. Coaches we end up very very inadvertently and that can, it can harm both parts of the relationship. Yeah. So it's like, which answer do you want a friend answer a coach answer or in which way are you going to contact me so that I know and then even when you're in session. Yeah. Sometimes I'll make the session hour 15 will spend 15 minutes catching up chatting. That's our friend time. Then that's closed on that and now we're in session. Wow. Because I'm very clear that I don't want people to feel like I've paid her all this money and all we did was chat about her kids. Yeah. Yeah, this is really good. I think people can work with you on this if they have that issue. It's a conversation you need to have. Yeah. Yeah, really good. Suzanne, this has been great. Thanks for your links are below whenever, wherever people are watching this it's either below or above the video just look for the links to Suzanne stuff. Contact her you can see that you know she could probably help you if you have the boundaries or over giving. That's leading to all the stuff but Suzanne thank you so much for the work that you do the way that you do it and thanks for this conversation. Thanks for having me George.