 The Herald Perry Show! Hee-hee-hee! Honest Herald, the homemaker! Out of Melrose Springs this Christmas, December evening. Honest Herald, like the rest of us, is in that pleasantly dazed holiday condition. He is just recovering from Christmas in time to build up his strength for New Year's. Right now, he's bidding goodnight to his new romance, the lovely Theodora. Oh, this has been a wonderful week, Haroldy-Waraldy. Sure has, Theodora. I've seen you every night. I just love the holiday season, don't you? Yeah. I'll never forget Christmas Eve when I gave you that wristwatch. You threw yourself in my arms and kissed me. Remember? Do I? Let's try that again, shall we? But Harold, how could we ever recap to that special moment? Christmas, the wristwatch. Well, you sing jingle bells and I'll start ticking. Oh, Harold. Well, I guess I can wait tomorrow night's New Year's Eve and you know what happens at 12 o'clock? All lang-zine is kissing time. You haven't told me where we're going, New Year's Eve. I want to wait and surprise you. I won't tell you till tomorrow. All right, teddy bear. Theodora. Yeah. I'll buy a little kiss. Now, Harold, you'll have to wait till New Year's Eve. Isn't it strange, Theodora? New Year's Eve comes at different times all over the world. Why, right now, probably it's New Year's Eve and Honolulu. It is? Yeah. Pucker up, Theodora. Harold. Yacca-hula-hickey-dula. Eating your breakfast. Huh? Well, Mother, I was just thinking about New Year's Eve party tonight and what a good time Theodora and I are going to have. Oh, I think it's nice the way you and your old friends get together and have a party every New Year's Eve. Yeah, they can have their big city swanky affairs. I bet we have a lot more fun right here in Melrose Springs at our New Year's barn dance. Yes. We love the dear hearts and gentle people that live in our hometown. That's right, Mother. We may have cider instead of champagne and play corny games like pin the tail on the donkey, but it's fun. Oh, yes. Remember last year's party when Dr. Yancey was trying to pin the tail on the donkey and he jabbed the pin in one of the guests? That was me. That's when I was bobbing for apples, Mother. I suppose Theodora thinks a barn dance is quite a novelty. Well, I haven't told her yet. I thought I'd surprise her. Oh, Harold, don't you think you should tell her? She might expect something fancier. You know, she's from Kansas City. She'll love it, Mother. Well, I... Say, I told Doc and Pete I'd help them decorate the barn this morning. I'd better get over there. Well, you ought to drop by Theodora's and let her know what she's supposed to wear tonight. Wear? Oh, I'll see you later, Mother. I'll tell her to wear a gingham dress. She'll look like Daisy May. And I'll be your little abner. Shall I pass the Kikapu Joyju Sun? What? Mother. Well, brother, see you later. Doc and Pete should be out here in the barn. Where's Pete? Oh, he's downtown getting the bunting. The bunting? Oh, say, the barn's starting to look fine, Doc. He must've done a lot of work this morning. Oh, not so much. All I did was tack up the streamers, make the sign. Okay, Doc. Mix the potato salad by the side. Yeah, that's great. Slice the hot dog rolls, tune the musical chairs. Yes. Well, I bet we're going to have a lot of fun tonight. And Theodora's just going to love it. Apple bobbing, square dancing, sack racing. I just think maybe the two of us will be in the same sack. I didn't know you cared, Harold. Not you, Doc. Theodora. Happy 1951. Well, hello, Pete, old pal. Did you bring the bunting? Bunting? Oh, oh, shot. I knew I forgot something. Oh, Pete! Well, I've been busy, boy. Don't forget I'm chairman of the door prize committee. Did you get some good prizes, Pete? I sure did. I got the elks to donate the grand prize. A free, all-expense-paid 90-day vacation to Charlieville. A 90-day vacation? Won't that cost them a lot of money? No, it's just a round-trip bus ticket. You can return any time within 90 days. Very funny, Pete. We've got to get this barn decorated. Why don't you run down now and get that bunting? All right. Oh, Harold, before I go, maybe you'd like to hear Doc and me rehearse. Rehearse? Oh, I forgot to tell you, Harold. Pete and I are going to perform a little New Year's pageant at the party tonight. A pageant? Yes. I'm going to be fathered time, and Pete will be the baby New Year. Oh, my goodness, baby New Year. Yeah. I come out dressed in a ribbon. Look, fellas, how about decorating the barn? At the stroke of midnight, I come out as fathered time. It's a real character party. And I say, well, another 365 days have gone by. That makes another year. No kidding. So ring out the old and ring in the new. Ring in the new. Oh, K.P. Soon whistle at the mattress factory. How about it? Goodbye. I'll see you, fellas. Horrible actors, but nice fellas, though. We're going to have a swell time tonight. And Laurie? Good morning, Harold. Is our dear boss Stanley Peabody in? Yes, he is. Thought maybe I'd ask him to our barn dance tonight. He's an old prissy pants, but what the heck? It's New Year's. Because Raymond and I are going to a party tonight at my girlfriends. Oh, that's nice. Oh, she goes to the fell in the Navy. He's a chief petting officer. Laurie, you got that wrong. He's not a petting officer. Well, according to my girlfriend, he is. Oh, goodness. And, Harold, if you want, or you can use that joke on your radio program, there's no charge. There's no joke, either. Everybody's a comic around here. I'll see if Stanley wants to go to the party. Come in. Oh, hello, Ham. Well, happy New Year, Stanley, old friend. Thank you. Hempy New Year to you. Get it? Why don't we have a drink to that? A drink? Well, let me pour you a glass of yogurt. No, thanks, Stanley. I'll skip this round. Stanley, we're having our big New Year's party in Doc Yancey's barn tonight. Thought you might like to join us. In Doc Yancey's barn? Yeah. Thank you, Ham. But I've already made my plans for tonight. I'm going to the formal dance at the Antler Hotel in the moose room. Yeah. Everyone will be wearing tails. In the moose room, I guess so. Yes, it'll be quite swanky. Yeah. I'm taking Miss Abigail Turner. She's one of the turners, you know. Her family came here over a hundred years ago. Yeah, she looks it. Well, sorry you can't make it, Stanley. I know Theodora and I'll have a wonderful time. You mean Theodora consented to go to this barn dance? Well, I haven't told her yet, but I know she'll love it. Oh, hemp, you fool you. Huh? Theodora's a sophisticated girl. To her, New York's Eve means formal dress, dinner, imported champagne. Well, our cider's imported from Charleville. Taking Theodora to that hazy affair. What? How can you be such a hick? I hate him. Cider imported from Charleville. You kill me. I better get out of here before I take him up on that. Oh, Peabody can't scare me. I bet Theodora will love that barn dance. What if it is corny? I'm a little corny myself. That's kind of a girl I want. One I can settle down with and raise little corn muffins. She's from a big town, though. Kansas City. They have storm drains there. Well, I'll kind of fish around and find out. Hope she's in. It's Harold. Worried about she's corny, all right. Glasses. Curly glasses. Hello, Theo. Oh, I bet you came over to tell me where you're taking me tonight. Well, you see. Come on out, tell Theodora. Theodora, how about playing a little game first? We played Spin the Bottle the last time you were here. That's when I brought the loaded bottle. This is a word game and called association, Theodora. You find out what the other person is thinking. Oh, I mention a word to you and you say whatever it makes you think of. Are you ready? Well, all righty. Good. New Year's Eve. Facent under grass. Dogs under relics. Let's try it again, huh? New Year's Eve. Champagne in a bucket. We're having seven up in a tub. New Year's Eve. Swanky supper club. White tie and tails. Zeef. Maybe I can trap her. Bond dance. Tennessee Ernie. Zoink. Well, now, Harold, tell me, where are you taking me tonight? Uh, Antler Room. I mean, Antler Hotel. Moose Room. I'll be the third moose from the right. We'll return for the second act of our story. Honest, Harold, in just a moment. Have you seen who's joining the Bing Crosby on a show tonight? It's Dinah Shore, Louis Armstrong, and Jack T. Garten. That's just a little later this evening over most of these same CBS stations. The Bing Crosby Show. And now, back to Honest, Harold, the homemaker. Well, it looks as though Honest, Harold's Happy New Year isn't going to be so happy. For the first time, he isn't going to see the new year in with his old friends. Instead, he's talked himself into stepping out of the Antler Hotel and pressing on the lovely Theodora. It's afternoon now, and we find Harold dejectedly returning home. Uh, how am I going to tell Doc and Pete I'm not coming to the barn dance tonight? Fine friend, I turned out to be. I'm a cad, deserting him on New Year's Eve, running around in moose tails. Is that you, Harold? I don't know, Mother. Well, did you see Theodora? Yeah, I did. Are you happy about where you're taking her tonight? Oh, yeah, she's very happy. Oh, you two will have a wonderful time. And maybe Theodora will pin the tail on the donkey. She did. Oh, Harold, you just got a phone call from Dr. Yancey. From Doc? Yes, he thought your feelings might be heard because you're not in the pageant tonight. It wasn't that sweet of him. I can just see the three of you at your New Year's party tonight. Arms around each other singing. Shored old acquaintance. We forgot Mother. And never brought to a... Mother, please, you're flat. Shored old acquaintance. You'll understand, I think. The pageant tonight, it's okie-dokie with me, old friend. Here's my ribbon. It's Pete, but you'd make an awful cute baby New Year. It's an easy part to learn, boy. Four lines and three go. But you see, I can't come tonight. I'm going to the formal dance at the Antler Hotel. What? Oh, sure. You're going to the Antler Hotel, and I'm Margaret Truman. Margaret, Pete, I... Would you like to hear me sing a cadenzie, boy? Pete, you don't understand. You're going to the Antler Hotel tonight. Ain't that a doozy? I'm really going there tonight. I'm taking Theodora. Pete, I'm really awfully sorry. I just couldn't help it. Sure, boy. You know I really want to be with you, Foss. Sure, boy. Harold, it's a good thing I ain't Margaret Truman. I'd tell my father on you. Doc's in the barn here. I certainly hate to tell him about my goodness. He's got his pet goat with him. Wonder if Pete's told him I'm not coming. Hello! Doc, I'd like to explain. How does this funny look up here? Looks swell, Doc. I was speaking to Arthur, my goat. Oh, excuse me. You think of a man who deserted his old friends on New Year's Eve. You sure bled it a bib full, Arthur. Will you listen to me? If you don't mind, sir, I bet you wouldn't desert your fellow goats and try to horn in to high society. Horn in? Now wait a minute. No, sir, you wouldn't be off somewhere dining on caviar. You'd be right here with your old friends munching tin cans. I'd munch tin cans. I mean, I'd like to be here with you fellas tonight. You know that, don't you? Doc, old friend, don't you believe me? Say something. You, Arthur. That was me, Harold. Are you having a good time, Harold? Oh, sure. Moose Room is very nice. Wonder what the fellas are doing at the barn dance. You waltz beautifully. Thank you, Theodora. It's a good thing. Guess it's all that orchestra knows. It played three o'clock in the morning, three times. There's only 9.50. Shall we go back to our table? All right. A cog for New Year's Eve, isn't it? Yes, it is. Look at that fella in the corner there with a big chin. He has mood for an hour. Harold, that's a stuffed moose. I thought he was sitting kind of high. Are you sure you're having a good time? Good time? Oh, sure. I'm having... Oh, my goodness. What's the matter? Stanley Peabody coming with his girdle. I don't want to get stuck with prissy pants. I'll duck down so he won't see it. Oh, Harold. Oh, hello, Theodora. What are you doing under the table? Under the table? I was looking for the thing. It's Abigail Turner. Mr. Theodora? Oh, I have a wonderful idea. Why don't Abigail and I sit at your table? Well, let me... Yes, you sit here. Abby Dabby. Abby Dabby sounds like a candy bar. Thank you. And I'll sit here. Just think, the four of us will spend the whole evening together. Yeah, I am thinking. Well, shall we get into the festive mood? I think I'll blow my horn. Come on, Theodora. Help. Laugh and be gay. Oh, brother. Are you feeling merry, Abigail? Oh, yes, I feel so. Came out in 39. Yeah, probably hasn't been out since. So, Glom, say something to our guest. Oh, yes. Having a good time, Abigail? I said, are you having a good time, Abigail? Why don't you tell that uproarious riddle? Oh, hemp, this will send you right out of the room. Yeah, I hope so. Go on, Abby Dabby. Well, down from an elephant. I don't know, Abigail, how do you get down from an elephant? You don't get down from an elephant. You get down. You must love it too. Well, Theodora, should we dance? Uh, hemp, suppose I have this dance with Theodora, and you and Abigail can get better acquainted. What? Come on, Theodora. Well, all right. What? Excuse us, please. Theodora, do you like to twirl? Oh, Mr. Hampus. In the middle of the night, shall we unfold our paper hats? I ate mine. It was better than the chicken. It was almost midnight? Almost. Shall we dance this one? Oh, I'd love to. Excuse us, please. Oh, certainly. Harold. Yes, Theodora? You don't seem very happy tonight. Happy? Oh, sure, I'm very happy. Music goes round and round. Oh, Harold, will you excuse me for a moment? I want to speak to a friend over there. Of course, go right ahead, Theodora. I'll be right back. I am Bake. What a way to spend New Year's Eve with Stanley Peabody instead of my old friends. Should have told Theodora about the barn dance. Let's face it, Honest Harold, you're a weakling. Well, they do know another song. Why does it have to be that one? See, what I'd give the world to see at all. And Arthur's a goat. And that's where I'm going, right now. Why, Harold, what's the matter? Theodora, I'm sorry, but I'm going. Going where? To the barn dance. Should have gone there in the first place. But I knew you wouldn't want to go to a corny party like that. Oh, Harold, why didn't you ask me? Huh? I wondered why you wanted to come here instead of spending New Year's with your friends. You did? And I'd love to go to your barn dance. You would? Sometimes, but once a year. You said it, and we're not going to spend it here. Come on, Theodora. It's almost 12 o'clock. Yes. Here's the barn. Sounds kind of quiet in there. Ribbon. Isn't that cute? I wouldn't have been New Year's without you. Would it be? It sure wouldn't, boy. Thanks. I really missed you, fellas. All right. Happy New Year, fellas. Happy New Year, Theodora. But I'm not going to kiss you. Die. Okay, come on, fellas. You take the tenor part, Arthur. Listening in tonight, I'm anxious to hear about our Operation Santa Claus venture to Travis Air Force Base and what happened to the thousands of gifts you sent in. I have a wire from Colonel Kelly, commanding officer that I'd like to read to you. Quote, your recent ratifying personal appearance at Travis Air Force Base will long be remembered by all who saw you. Your bright laughter and good cheer to the men who needed it most, wounded Korean veterans in the base hospital, and combat-ready servicemen bound overseas. Your huge store of gaily-wrapped gifts which you personally distributed to the war wounded and the outbound troops was especially appreciated and will not soon be forgotten. As commanding officer, I wish to take this opportunity of expressing through you my heartfelt gratitude to all the kindly people, your radio listeners, who made those thousands of gifts possible. Again, thanks to you and your troop, Harold Perry, for an appearance that brought the true spirit of Christmas at Travis Air Force Base. Joe W. Kelly, Colonel, United States Air Force Commanding. Unquote. I wish it were possible to thank all you personally for your gifts to the boys. Being able to make them a bit happier on Christmas was the most wonderful experience of my life. Thanks again from the bottom of my heart and a happy new year to you all. You have just heard the Harold Perry Show, Honest Harold. The supporting players tonight included Mari Alden, Jane Morgan, Marley Baer, Olin Zuley and Mary Jane Croft and featured Gloria Holiday as Gloria and Joseph Kearns as Old Doc Yak Yak. Norman McDonald directed and the music was composed and conducted by Jack Meakin. Pretty too, isn't it? Honest Harold created by Harold Perry was written by Jean Stone, Jack Robinson and Dick Powell. Good writers. Yes, and remember, the Rose Bowl game between Michigan and California will be broadcast next Monday, New Year's Day exclusively over most of these same CBS stations. Stay tuned now for the Bing Crosby Show, which follows immediately on most of these same CBS stations. This is Roy Rowan speaking. This is CBS where you thrill his fans on Thursday night the Columbia Broadcasting System.