 This is the Screen Directors Playhouse. The Thursday night feature on NBC's all-star festival of comedy, music, mystery, and drama. Brought to you by the makers of Anderson for fast relief from the pain of headache, neuritis, and neuralgia. Chesterfield, the only cigarette that combines mildness with no unpleasant aftertaste. The cigarette that brings you Bing Crosby and Bob Hope. Your local Ford dealer, who is now displaying the new 1951 Ford, the car that's built for the years ahead, and RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television. Tonight the Screen Directors Playhouse is pleased to present a classic in comedy. Irene Dunn and Carrie Grant, starring in our adaptation of Leo McCarrie's production for RKO, my favorite wife. But first, no matter what you now take for headache relief, we urge you to try Anderson for the incredibly fast relief these tablets bring the next time you're suffering from a headache. Now the reason Anderson is so wonderfully fast-acting and effective is this. Anderson is like a doctor's prescription. That is, Anderson contains not just one, but a combination of medically proven active ingredients in easy-to-take tablet form. Thousands of people have received envelopes containing Anderson tablets from their own dentist or physician, and in this way discovered the incredibly fast relief Anderson brings from pains of headache, neuritis, or neuralgia. So the next time a headache strikes, take Anderson for this wonderfully fast relief. Anderson, A-N-A-C-I-N. Anderson at any drug counter in handy boxes of 12 and 30, economical family size bottles of 50 and 100. Now here is the first act of my favorite wife, starring Carrie Grant and Irene Dunn in their original roles of Nick and Ellen Arden. Consider a bottle floating into Pacific Ocean. Ah, if only fate would cast it on some shore where human eyes might read the note inside. The note that says, Ellen Arden is alive and well. I survived the sinking of the freighter Milton A. on August 5th 1943. I'm living on an island approximately 200 miles south of the point of sinking. Please notify my husband Nicholas Arden, Los Angeles, California, USA. If only these words might reach the ear of Nick Arden. But no, fate would have it otherwise. For seven years the bottle floats and now Nick has fallen into the clutches of another woman, Bianca Bates. The bottle floats and Nick is sunk. Nick, darling, isn't it time we thought about marriage? Marriage, Bianca? Marriage? Yeah, well, let's think about it sometime. Now, Nick. All right, I'm thinking. You can't go on brooding over Ellen for the rest of your life. Wonderful woman, Ellen. You should have known her. Well, what about me? All right, let's talk about you. Now, have you read any good books lately? Nick, I'm talking about marriage. I was just wondering if my children would understand that. I'll be a mother to Timmy and Chinch. As a lawyer, here's the way I look at it. Nick, this isn't law. It's us, a man and a woman. Yes, Bianca. You're lonely, aren't you? Yes, Bianca. You love me, don't you? Yes, Bianca. Well, Nick. I've got an idea. What? Let's get married. This is the room, Bianca. Court of General Sessions. Nick, I still don't see why we have to be married by a judge. Get everything done in one place. He'll rule Ellen legally dead and marry us. It's morbid. And Nick, why do you insist on wearing that black tie? Sign of respect. But, darling, it's our wedding day. Oh, Nick, I bought this other tie for you to wear. It's more suitable for a wedding. Well, I can't put it on now, dear. Before the ceremony then. Well, come on, Bianca. We're already a little late. Look, we're the parties in the matter of odd and versus odd. Right here, your honor. There, about time. Sorry, your honor. Just stand here, Bianca. All right, darling. Young woman, what are you doing with that tie in your hand? Are you a tie salesman? Look, how did this tie salesman get in here? She's with me, your honor. Are you a tie salesman? Oh, no, I'm Nicholas Arden. Arden? That's a familiar name. Arden versus Arden, your honor. The brief is on your desk. Why didn't you say so? You're an attorney, Mr. Arden. Why won't you be here on time? Now you'll just have to wait. I'm supposed to marry somebody. Me, your honor. You? You got a license, got a ring, got a bride? Yes, your honor. But first, the matter of Ellen Wagstaff-Arden, my former wife. Young woman, are you his former wife? I should say not. You don't raise your voice. There's such a thing as contempt of court, you know. Well, your honor, Ellen Wagstaff-Arden was lost at sea. Oh, yes, yes. I remember now. I've got it all here in your breeze. My former wife was working as a news photographer during the war. She was aboard the freighter when it hit a reel. Will you let me read the brief? Sorry. It says here you have two children. My, that's sad. Very sad. It happened seven and a half years ago. I know, I know, I can read, can't I? Well, there's a final summing up, your honor. You'll find it on page 10, right here. Yeah, I'll find it myself. Oh, here it is on page 10. Well, if I can explain, your honor. There's nothing to explain. Warren Affer-David's lost at sea, no evidence the contrary, the law's clear. Now, hereby pronounce Ellen Wagstaff-Arden legally dead. Oh, Nick, we're finally free. Young woman, stop waving that tie in my face. Your honor, this is the woman I intend to marry. Is this tie salesman? I am not a tie salesman. I'm his bride. Amazing. Man's wife hasn't been dead five minutes and he's getting married again. Miss Gardner, are you sure you want to marry this woman? Of course he's sure. Of course I'm sure. Well, there's a license. Right here, your honor. Now, will you please take off that horrible necktie? What? What's wrong with my necktie? Oh, no, no. Nothing, your honor. I distinctly heard her say this. No, she meant me. Now, pardon me, your honor. I just want to change ties. I don't understand this at all. Hey, clerk, do you understand this? Oh, I can't get the nut under. Well, let me help you, dear. Wait a minute. Bianca, you're choking me. Well, I'm trying, dear. But fate perverse fate is playing a strange trick on Nicholas Arton. Or even as he is being married, a figure garbed in ragged seafaring clothes is walking up to the door of the Arton home. Oh, are you? He's a sailor. I can tell. Hello there. See, chinch? It's not even a he at all. Are you a lady sailor? In a way. Our mommy was drowned in the sea. Wasn't she? Uh-huh. I'm not supposed to know. Timmy, do you miss her very much? Oh, sure. How'd you know my name? Oh, I know. And your sister's name is Chinch. Gosh, you're swell-looking, kid. Daddy says we look like our mommy. Would you like to have her back? I can't have her back. She's drowned. But maybe... I'm sorry, ma'am. We're not allowed to talk to strangers. But, Chinch... We're not allowed to talk to strangers. Is your daddy home? No. Pardon me. I heard you talking. Is there something... Hello, darling. Oh. Well, now don't faint. Is it... It is. It is not faint. Well, now don't be a sissy. Oh. Ellen, good heavens. Alive and eating well. Oh, Ellen. Oh, I think I'm going to cry. Don't be a sissy. Let's go in. Into my house. You know, I just can't believe it. When? How? Like, we thought you were drowned. No, darling. Definitely not drowned. And where have you been? An island. A horrible island. Has a nickname. Nicky? Yes. Your son, my husband. Oh, well, he's fine. Handsome. As ever. Prosperous. Well, reasonably. Ellen? Yes. Nick's married again. What did you say? Nick, he's married. Oh. I never thought of it. Seven years, Ellen. Oh, yes, seven years. Is she nice? No. Anyone I know? No. Her name is Bianca Bates. Bianca Bates? Well, at least Nick hasn't lost his sense of humor. Mother? Yes, Ellen. How long did he wait? Oh, a long time. Until a long time. How long did he wait? Oh, a long time. Until today. Until today? You were declared legally dead this morning, and then Nick married Bianca. They're driving to Yosemite for the honeymoon. Yosemite? Not our hotel. Well, you see, Nick had business in San Francisco. Not sweet, eh? Not the same room. Oh, he couldn't. Oh, Ellen, my dear. I'm so sorry. If only you would have gotten here yesterday. Wait a minute. I'm thinking. Yes, yes. Married this morning, driving to Yosemite. Mother? Does Nick love her? He doesn't love her. He just married her. Do planes still fly to Yosemite? Well, I guess so. What have you got in mind? It's what Nicky has in mind, I'm worried about. Mother, I'm flying to Yosemite. Would you like to join Madcap Bob Hope in an airplane ride? Well, here's what might happen if you did. Bob, the pilot has a request to make. Would you please stay in your seat and keep away from the controls? You almost fouled up the flight. Oh, I don't think what I did was so bad. Oh, come now. All I did was make a rabbit's head with my fingers on the radar screen. The pilot resents me. How do you know? He keeps fastening my safety belt. Oh, what's wrong with that? To the propeller. Let's sell Chesterfield. You know, the real test for mildness in a cigarette is as old as tobacco itself. And it's also the easiest test in the book. It's just as simple as this. Make your next pack, Chesterfield, and open them, smell them, smoke them. Improve what every tobacco man knows. Tobacco's a smell-milder, smoke-milder. Chesterfield, Chesterfield, always winters play. That milder mild tobacco never leaves an aftertaste. So open a pack, give them a smell. Then you'll smoke them. Don't forget to give Crosby for Christmas. I mean the Chesterfield Christmas carton with Bing as Papa Santa Claus. Now here is act two of the Screen Director's Playhouse production of My Favorite Wife, starring Irene Dunn as Ellen, and Carrie Grant as Nick, fickle mistress of men's lives. See what a stunning blow she is about to deal Nick Arden. For as he and his bride Bianca park their car in the park, or as he and his bride Bianca park their car at the Yosemite Honeymoon Hotel, disaster lurks at the reservation desk. Its name is Ellen Arden. Brunt, brunt this gentleman to room 12. Now, madam, what can I do for you? My name is Mr. Pentwistle. Mr. Pentwistle, I wonder if my husband has arrived yet. Mr. Nicholas Arden. Oh, yes, the Honeymoon couple. Are you his bride? I'm one of them. Well, our hotel catered to Honey. One of them? Yes, one of them. The way you say that makes my blood run cold. I bet I've shocked you. Yes, silly old fashioned me. You still haven't answered my question. Has Mr. Arden arrived yet? I know he hasn't. Oh, thank goodness I'm in time. I hesitate to ask this question. In time for what? You know, I bet this sounds silly to you, but I'd just like to bite his ear and run my fingers through his hair. Eh, not in this hotel, you know. Oh, it's perfectly all right. Yes, I'll bet it is. Eh, do you want to tell me about it? Well, that's awfully sweet of you, Mr. Pentwistle, but I think I'd like to freshen up. Oh, of course. You'll find a lovely powder room at another hotel eight miles down the road. Oh, I won't be going that far. Yes, well, maybe I'm just narrow-minded. Pentwistle speaking. This is the garage, Mr. Pentwistle. Good evening. Are you Mr. Pentwistle? Yes, yes, I'm Mr. Pentwistle. I have reservations for my wife and myself, Nicholas Arden. Your Nicholas Arden? Yes. Nick, why is he staring at you like that? I don't know. Is something wrong? Well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you. I don't understand you. You don't understand me? Nick, may we go to our room? Yes, dear, yes, dear. Mr. Pentwistle, my wife is tired. Oh, so she's one of the brides. What do you mean, one of the brides? Do you have more? Do you have more? That's what this hotel is worried about. Oh, now, please, this is my wife. Yes, I'm sure she is. Just show us to our room. Very well. Frantz, sweet A. Oh, sweet A, but I don't want sweet A. Nick, why not? Well, sir, it's one of our very best. Well, haven't you something else? Well, I look. But it's their best, Nick. Yes, I know. But for you, Bianca, the best isn't good enough. I can bet you have sweet C. It's just been redecorated. Do you mind the smell of fresh paint? I love it. Smell of paint? Good for the indigestion. You run along, Bianca. I'll be up as soon as I register. All right, darling, I'll be waiting for you. Please hurry. Please just sign here. Yeah, thank you. You see, I couldn't take sweet A. You've been here before. You understand, don't you? Yes, and it gives me goose flesh. Here's the pen. Thank you. Mr. Arden, there's something I would like to get off my mind. What is it? There's a woman around here. She wants to bite you on the ear. Which ear? Well, I don't know. Well, what difference does it make which ear? Now, look, is this some kind of a joke? Yes. Yes, you can laugh. You're not a hotel manager. Oh, my goodness. Now, what's the matter, Mr. Pentwistle? She's coming back. Who's coming back? The other bride. What other bride? The one with the teeth. What teeth? Ouch! My ear! Hello, Nicky, darling. Oh, hello, Ellen. Ellen? Ellen? Oh, Ellen! Painted. He's fainted. What do we do, Mr. Pentwistle? Do you want my advice? Yes. Put a coconut in his mouth and pretend he's a potted par. Front. Are you feeling better, Nick? Dizzy. Very dizzy. It was nice of Mr. Pentwistle to let us use his office. Oh, Ellen, we've got to talk. Yes, we certainly do. What's the idea of you're getting married? Well, that's just it. My wife. I'm your wife. Bianca isn't going to like that. Well, I'm not going to like Bianca. Well, Mr. Arden. Hello, Mr. Pentwistle. How do you feel? As if I'm going in circles. Well, the next time you pass this way, there's a phone call for you. Who from? Your wife. The other one. Oh, thanks. You can use the phone on the desk. This I have to hear. Oh, Nick. Nick, before you pick it up. Yes, Ellen? A kiss. Mr. Arden, would you mind stop scuffing my rug? That's all I wanted to know. Oh, my, my, my, my. Nothing's changed. Nothing's changed. Not a thing. No. Now you can talk to Bianca. Bianca? Yes, the phone. The phone? Oh, hello. Who's this? Nick? Oh, Bianca. Oh, hello, Bianca. What's new? Yes, darling. A darling bitch. Ouch. What happened? Well, I just barked my shins. Just a minute, Bianca. Now, Ellen, stop kicking me. Well, you cut out that, darling. But just don't kick me. Hello, Bianca. Where are you? Uh, barbershop. Dog. Need a haircut. But you don't need a haircut. Shave. You shave this morning. Shampoo? Nick. I'll tie a string around my finger. I like waiting, Nick. I'll be right up, darling. Ouch. Oh, oh, forgot, forgot. What does she want? Right up, barb. Huh? What does she want? Well, she said she's hungry. She wants a corned beef sandwich. Oh, well, if that's all she wants, you just stay right here and let Mr. Pentwistle go. Mr. Pentwistle would just assume stick his neck in a bread slicer. Ellen, Ellen, now listen. Let's go somewhere where we can be alone. Yes, where? Your room. Oh, but I don't have one. Well, then I'll get you one. Mr. Pentwistle. Don't say it. A room for Mrs.... I mean, for Miss Wagstaff. Oh, why did I ever run away from the pool room? Well, you'll take Sweet-A if you have it, but you don't like Sweet-A. Mm-hmm. He does now. Along came the freighter, and I lit the fire on the hill, and that's all there was to it. Seven years on an island. Seven years. Oh, I missed you, Ellen. How old are the children? I saw them. They're darling. Mm-hmm. Did you tell them yet? No, not yet, Nick. I want to do it gradually. It'll be kind of a shock. Shock? The most shocking thing of all is that I'm married again. I'm still terribly in love with you. Mm-hmm. Well, if you think that's shocking, how would you like to come home after seven years and find your husband checked into a hotel with another woman? Oh, now, she's not just another woman. She's my wife. Mm-hmm. Seems to me you just bagged more than the legal limit. How in the world did this happen to me? How did I suddenly become a bigger mess? The question is, what are you going to do about it? Well, naturally, I want to do the right thing by everyone. Well, fine, then you start by telling Bianca. Oh, no, can't do that. Well, why not? Well, she wouldn't understand. Sensitive, high-strung. Not as high-strung as I'd like to see her. You just leave this to me. All right, then you just march right into her room and tell her that your wife's come back. On her wedding night? Yes, tell her she got bumped by higher priority. You can't bump Bianca. Mm-hmm. Well, nothing could be farther from my mind. Nicholas Odden, do you love that woman? No. Do you love me? Yes. Well, just don't do something. Stand there. All right, so long as I get a shave and a haircut. Oh, Nick, stop stalling. Oh, well, now, Ellen be reasonable. I just can't walk in there like a dope and say, sorry, my mistake, marriage is off, can I? Well, you just say it or I will. All right, in that case I'll say it. Mr. Odden, I don't want to be prissy about this, but your wife would like to see you. Which wife? Which wife? The one in sweet seed. Oh, that wife? If you'll follow me, please, Mr. Odden. Ellen, I'm off to see Bianca. I'll be strong. You'd better be her. I'll tell her myself. Right down this hall, Mr. Odden, is your sweet. It's a nice sweet. Your wife is a nice woman. Which wife? The one in sweet seed. The one inside this door. Now, why don't you go inside and stay there, please? Now, let me explain. It's as simple as A, B, C. Now, don't tell me you got another one in B. Mr., why don't you just forget about me and my problem? Good night, Mr. Odden. Good night. Oh, what a problem. Now, Bianca. Oh, no, that's not strong enough. Oh, no. Now, Bianca, something's come up. This is the situation. Truth is, strange and in fiction. Bianca, there's something between two people who've been married that you don't get between two people who haven't been married. Friends? Where? Friends have a word for it. Now, now let me see it, all right? Now, be big, Bianca. Be brave. You will? That's a girl. Nick. Bianca, something's come up. What? My wife. Nick, you're talking so strangely. Bianca, there's a situation between two people who've ever been married. Truth is, stranger than a Frenchman. Oh, you're darling. Well, in that case, good night. Darling. Oh, darling. Are you just bashful? Is that what's wrong? Uh, bashful. Yeah, that's it. Buck fever. See you later. Nick. What? Going down to get a deck of cards. Can't ask them. Come inside. Come on, Nick. Oh, come inside. Well, all right. I've sent down for some champagne. Oh, can't drink the stuff. Gives me hiccups. Like that. Terrible. All right, darling. Now, why don't you relax and put your dressing gown on? Just like me. I'd look sitting in your dressing gown behind your back. Don't be afraid of me. I'm your wife. That's what I'm afraid of. Nick, come on. Put your arms around me. Well, are you sure your mother won't mind? We're man and wife, darling. Now, what would you like to do? Answer the phone. Hello? Jed, I'm working up to it. What's that, Nick? Well, it's an important client. Very important. I have to go back to work tomorrow. Don't try to stop me. All right. I'll tell her myself. All I need is time. What were you doing in there? Briefing her. Bianca and I are not going to spend the night in the hotel. Oh, you aren't? No. No, we're driving back home. Now, why don't you catch the next plane back and we'll settle everything in a nice, civilized manner? Oh, I know your civilized manner. That's what got me into this hotel seven years ago. Ellen, Ellen, I promise you. I promise you I'll tell her. Oh, no. Come on. Let's go back to your room. Seven lonely years. All those years on an island. Nobody to talk to. Nothing but memories. My love for you and the will to stay alive. Hoping against hope that you'd wait and then to come home and find myself legally dead. I know, Ellen dear. I'll make it up to you. Yes? Well, well, you are fickle, aren't you? Just leaving, Mr. Pendwistle. Before you do, would you mind delivering a message to your wife... to that woman... to whoever she is in there with you? Right. Far away. A Mr. Stephen Burkett phone earlier. Stephen Burkett? Yes. He says to tell her he left her things from the island with her mother-in-law. Things from the island? Mm-hmm. And that seven years together wasn't nearly enough. He'd like to see her again. Goodbye and good luck. Stephen Burkett? Stephen Burkett? Stephen Burkett? Oh, what did you say, Nick? Just a minute. Quiet, quiet, quiet. Anything. Things from the island. And Nicky? Nicky? Ellen? Nicky, I can explain. Now, was there a man on that island with you? What island? You know what island. Oh, that island? Or was there a man with you? Pardon me, dear. What was it? Wait a minute. Where are you going? Out. Out where? For a shave and a haircut. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you an invitation. An invitation to examine the fine new Ford for 1951. It's on display now at your neighborhood Ford dealers. And we want you to see it. We want you to drive it. Because this car is the finest Ford ever produced. It's a quality car. A car that's designed and built to give you lasting satisfaction in the years ahead. When you inspect the 1951 Ford, you'll find that it offers 43 look-ahead features. Features that will keep it young in performance, young in style for years to come. Among them, you'll find the new automatic ride control for an easy ride, a level ride, the automatic mileage maker for real fuel economy, and new luxury lounge interiors with rich color harmonized Ford craft fabrics. We invite you to see all 43 look-ahead features of this great new Ford for 1951 at your Ford dealers tomorrow. You are listening to the Screen Director's Playhouse, the Thursday night feature of NBC's All-Star Festival. The third act of My Favorite Wife will continue after a brief pause for station identification. Production of My Favorite Wife, starring Carrie Grant as Nick and Irene Dunn as Ellen. Nicholas Arden is not a happy man. Wife number one has fled he knows not where, leaving behind only the thought that she has spent seven years on a desert island with another man. And wife number two sits glaring beside him as the car travels through the ghastly night. Nicholas Arden, don't you think you owe me an explanation? Yes, I do. Well. I can't think of one. Oh, well, Bianca, you must think I behave very strangely. I certainly do. It runs in the family. The night my father was married, he pitched horseshoes until four o'clock in the morning. God, your father, we've driven all night and all day without a stop. Mother never forgave him. Pitched horseshoes all night. Never won a single game. Chinch. Yes, sir. Timmy. Yes, sir. No more stories. Not even one? No. It's time for bed. Don't we have to go to bed, Grandma? If Ellen says you do, you do. Now off with you now. Brush your teeth and wash your faces. Come on, Timmy. I guess we gotta. That ain't fair. Isn't fair. Ellen dear, don't you think that they should know you're their mother? Oh, I'll tell them. I'm just afraid, I guess. Well, do you want Nick to tell them? No. No, I'll do it. Oh, there's Nick's car. Here they are. All right. Now, have you got it straight? You'll introduce me as an old friend of the family from the south. Oh, here we are. Hello. Coming, Nick. Let's go. Oh, my, my, my. Look at that. Aren't you my mother? Let me give the bridegroom a great big cestely kiss just for luck. He's lucky enough. There. Hello, Bianca. Now, this is an old friend of the family from Virginia. Her name is... Effie. And you're the bride. Yes, she is. Now, you just run along home, Effie. Now, I'm visiting here. Nick, I'm still waiting. Waiting? What for? The threshold. Go on. Carry over the threshold, Nicky darling. All right. Well, here you go. Is he just too sweet for words? He's just a doll. Over the threshold, Bianca. Are you all right, dear? Let me help you up, dear. Oh, I'm so sorry. Will you all forgive me? I hope that doesn't mean bad luck. Nothing could give this marriage a worse start than it already has. Oh, isn't that nice? You're not stopping. Crazy about your husband. Crazy about him. He was the darlest boy you ever did see until he got gawky. Don't you think he's gawky? I think he's gawky. I wasn't aware that I gawked. Please, Nick, I'm awfully tired. Well, let me show you to your room. Nick will show me. Oh, Nick and I want to talk over old times. Don't we? No, we don't we. We can do it right here if you want. Nicky, remember the night we were married? Bianca, Bianca. Why don't you go up to bed? Are you coming? Uh, in a minute, yes. I'll send sugar plum up just as soon as I'm through with them. Why don't you hush your big mouth? I said, honey child, or I'll blab my head off. Bianca, I'll see you upstairs. Oh, good night. Good night, child, sweet dreams. Oh, Nick, you're in a terrible pickle, aren't you? You haven't told her yet? No, I haven't. And what about that, that Steven Burkett? You ran out fast enough and I brought up that topic of conversation. Well, I can explain about him. Seven years on an island together. Why didn't you tell me? Well, I knew you'd fly to conclusions. After seven years, there's no place else to fly to. Little old Steven, are you jealous of him? Oh, please stop talking as though he were a casual acquaintance. Poor Steven. He broke his leg getting on the island. It took a whole year to mend. What about the other six years? Nick, if you could only meet him, you'd see how silly you are. Silly? What's so silly? Well, he's such a little man. I don't think he weighs over 120 pounds. He spent most of his time pursuing his hobby. What hobby? Nature. No, I mean flowers and plants and things. Oh, Nick, he's so harmless. After all, a man over 60. 60? Yes, darling. Well, why didn't you tell me? Well, I had a hunch you'd carry on this way. Nick, are you coming up? Coming right up. Nick Arden, I should feel insulted. You cross-examining me this way while that woman yells for my husband in my house. Oh, yeah. The poor girl thinks she's married just because we had a wedding ceremony. Nick! Coming! Nick, are you going to tell her? Sure. When? Now. Stout fellow. Oh, that's mean. Kiss goodnight. Right. Oh, you cousin over you. Nick, I just want to know one thing. Do you love me? Bianca, you're one of the most attractive girls I've ever met. I'm your wife. Well, that's what I was coming to. Bianca, in the course of human events, it sometimes happens that two people get all fouled up. Oh, but the love of heaven tell me what's wrong with me. Oh, nothing, Bianca. Believe me, under other circumstances, who knows? Oh. But now, look, let's start in the beginning. Once there was a man who met a girl. I'm the man and you're the girl. Now, see? Isn't that simple? What are you trying to say? Well, just this. Oh, the doorbell's ringing. Be right back. Yes? Yes. Hi. I suppose you're Nick. I suppose I am. Glad to meet you. Shake. Oh, how'd you do it? Oh, hurt your hand? Don't know my own strength. Who are you? I'm Adam from the island. I guess Ellen hasn't told you about our nicknames. Nickname? I'm Stephen Burkett. You are Stephen Burkett? Yeah. Guess we've got a lot in common, huh? Oh, undoubtedly not. Tell me, this, this, this nickname business, what did you call Ellen? Eve. Eve. Adam and Eve. What else? Well, that's clever. Say, uh, uh, you mind if I come in? Kind of a low door you've got there. Almost bumped my head. Ah, 120 pounds, Mr. Burkett. You would have made it easily. Ah, you're kidding. I wouldn't kid you, Mr. Burkett. My, but you look amazingly spry for a man of 60. I'm not 60. You're not? Well, that is a surprise. And how is your broken leg, Mr. Burkett? I didn't break my leg, old man. I'm sorry. Once I, uh, once I sprained my toe and I kicked an alligator. Oh, sure. Now imagine a nature lover like you kicking an alligator. Yes, Bianca. What was that? Well, that was a female alligator calling to her mate. You see, you see Adam, you don't mind if I call you Adam. Oh, not at all. Well, you see Adam, I too am part of nature. The part that goes over the fence last. All I've got to say is that if you spent seven years on an island with my wife, I'm in trouble. We'll return to our drama in just a moment. Right now, here's a word from RCA Victor. You remember the wonderful one-horse shea? It ran a hundred years to a day, but then went to pieces all at once and nothing first, just as bubbles do when they burst. Well, many of us depend on radios and phonographs practically in the one-horse shea class. Faithful servants, but mighty pathetic beside new models. Don't wait till yours do that final bubble dance. Replace them now and save money. When you visit your RCA Victor dealer to buy your million-proof television set, buy it in a magnificent RCA Victor combination unit accompanied by two superb new radios, AM and FM, and two superb new phonographs which play all record speeds. You'll pay far less for these five wonderful instruments combined in one beautiful cabinet than you'd pay for them separately. And of course, right down the line in all of them, you'll get that matchless quality which has made RCA Victor world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television. Now back to our story. My favorite wife, starring Irene Dunn and Carrie Grant. And once again, the fates look down and laugh at Nicholas Arton as he tipsoes to the door of Ellen Arton, wife number one. The fates laugh, and Nick taps on the door. How is that going to bed? Ellen, I'd like you to tell me again about Stephen Burkett. Poor old Stephen. With the broken leg. 120 pounds. 60 years old. Nature lover. Poor little old Adam. Adam. Yeah, Adam. That puny half pint is downstairs standing on his hands just for exercise. Stephen, here. Adam and Eve. I suppose I'm just the viper in the garden of paradise. You are not. You're the apple. Nick, where are you? She's the viper. Now why did you lie to me about it? Nick, I did nothing on that island to be ashamed of. Well, what did you do for seven years? Swat, sissy flies? Your voice is in here and I thought I'd just pop in and say hello. Now you can just pop right out again. My wife's dressed for bed. I've seen her in a lot less than that, haven't I, Eve? Yes, but it was pretty foggy most of the time. No time to talk about the weather. I see here, old man. There's no cause to get excited. My whole life is falling apart and I can't even get excited in my own home. What are you doing here, anyway? I was lonely for Eve. After all, we used to see quite a bit of each other. I might as well state my case right now, old man. I love your wife. I can't help it, Eve. You're an extraordinary woman. If Nicholas doesn't want you, I do. Do you want me, Nick? I'm not so sure. Nick! Bianca, it's time you knew. I'm a married man. What are you doing in this woman's room? She's no woman. She's my wife. I'm your wife. Nick, what are you trying to do? Yes, Nick, explain to us what are you trying to do? What have you got to do with this, Effie? Yes, Nick, what's Effie got to do with this? Crazy. I've been trying to tell you, Bianca. This is my wife, Ellen. The dead one? Oh, she's pretty lively. I can vouch for that. You've got to face it. My wife, Ellen, came back. All a mistake. We'll laugh about it someday. Ha, ha, ha. Bigamist. I'm seeing my lawyer in the morning. Nicholas Arden, you deserve that slap. Why did I? All I did was tell her the truth. Well, the poor girl's in love with you, and what do you do? You walk all over. What I want to know is which one of us gets each? Stop calling my wife Eve. He doesn't like it, Adam. Now stop that. He's just jealous, making mountains out of molehills. Some molehill, a desert island. Which one of us do you want, Eve? Choose your mate. I'm strong and healthy. I'm just gulky. Well, I'll have to think about it. I'm against the law for you to think you're legally dead. Oh, well, we'll see about that tomorrow. Good. In court. Right. Bigamist. I say, don't I know you? Well, you married me, Your Honor. Oh, yes, you're the lawyer. This is a civil court, Mr. Arden. We don't handle Bigamy here. What kind of lawyer are you? What school did you go to? Harvard, Your Honor. I'm a Yale man myself. Where's the kissless bride? Here, Your Honor. Yonker Bates. You're sure you're kissless? Ask this miserable worm I was married to. She's kissless, Your Honor. Harvard man. I want an annulment. You grant it. This is the happiest day of my life. You know, I used to know a girl who looked just like her. She's old necktie. No one waxed her heart. What about it? Well, you declared her legally dead. Oh, so I did. Is this Harvard man here prepared the brief? But I'm not dead, Your Honor. Well, what do you want me to do? Reverse myself? You go to the Court of Appeals. They're always reversing me anyway. If your honor pleases, I can point out the pertinent facts in the brief. Now, you see, right here, and here. Ellen, Ellen, what about this? Will you marry me? Oh, Steven, thank you so much. But it's Nick. All right, Ellen. I trust you. Mr. Lawdon, get off my lap. I don't need you to show me how to read a brief. You get down there with that woman. Yes, Your Honor. Well, you see, I have here a precedent for this case. I cite Mulligan versus Mulligan Benson in the city of Fresno, 1879. Are you going to complicate this thing? No, Your Honor. You see, the first wife returned after an absence of considerable length to find that her husband, Mr. Mulligan, had remarried. But Mrs. Mulligan Benson, the second wife... I don't understand this at all. Well, it was a sort of a Mulligan stew. Young woman, I could hold you in contempt of court for that remark. Don't let me get half you. Well, Your Honor, when the first wife returned, the second wife immediately sued for annulment, which left Mr. Mulligan free to remarry either the first wife or the second wife, Mrs. Mulligan Benson, you see? You will? Don't just stand there, Gawky. What did he do? Oh, he dropped dead of cirrhosis of the liver. And they never did find out whether he slept with his beard over the covers or under the covers. Now that remark is going to cost you $25. Oh. But, Your Honor, I'm legally dead. All right, you're legally alive. And make it $50. Pay the clerk courts adjourn. Thank you, Your Honor. I want to go home and tell my wife about this case. She thinks most of my cases are dull. Well, Ellen, here you are, alive and kicking. Now, you and I, then, can get back to nature. Nick, aren't you ashamed of yourself saying a thing like that? Why, an hour ago, I was a bigamist. Now, I don't have any wife at all. Not one single solitary wife. Well, it's your own fault. What did I do? You were a jealous brute. Well, I've got a right to be jealous. Ellen, you know, I'll have to think this whole thing over very carefully. Maybe you'll make up your mind to forgive me for not drowning. Well, it isn't that. Well, I've got some thinking to do myself. And I'm not so sure I want you the way you're acting. Well, Ellen, it's not that I don't love you. It's just that you don't approve of me. No, Nick, I'll have to consider this carefully. I'd like to take the children go away for a few weeks. And that way, we'd get to know each other better. And then I could tell them I'm their mother. And I can think about us. Where are you going to go? I don't know. The hotel in Yosemite, I guess. How are you going to get there? We'll drive. Well, in this weather? Well, it's not so bad with tire chains. Oh, no, not with the kids. I'll drive you myself. Well, if you want to. I think I'll stay until Christmas. That'll give us both time to make sure we know what we want. Leave tomorrow? Yes, tomorrow. These bags through Room 112. Now, sir, what can I do for you? My name is Mr. Pantwistle. I'm Nicholas Arden. You? I brought my family. Mr. Arden, this is a hotel, not a harem. Just one wife, Mr. Pantwistle. Me. What happened to the other one? Or am I being nosy? She was annulled yesterday morning. Well, congratulations. Now, I'd like two rooms, one for my wife and one for our two children. Children? Where did they come from? Mr. Pantwistle. Mr. Pantwistle. How would it be if I just told you the story of my life? My wife wouldn't approve. Now, we have just two rooms left. They're adjoining. Sign here, please. Oh, Ellen, where are the kids? They're admiring the big Christmas tree. Chint, Timmy. Pretty tree. We've even got a model Santa Claus. All dressed up as big as a man. Mr. E.B., please take Mr. Arden to his rooms and warm the chambermaids. I won't be staying. I'm driving back tonight. Don't you want to see the Santa Claus, Daddy? At this moment, dear, I don't think your father really believes in Santa Claus. I just said goodbye to the children. Oh, golly, I'm tired. I think I'll go to bed. Drive back, Nick. Oh, sure, sure. I'll have to be careful. Awfully dark at night. Oh, I'm so tired. So cozy in here. Cold outside, too. Well, you'd better start now. You're sure you don't want me to... To what? You know, stay with the children. Just tonight. No room. Well, we are married. But we agreed that everything is suspended until Christmas. Oh, yeah, Christmas. This is just the 7th of December. Good night, Nick. Good night. I hope I get back all right. Well, I'm sure you will. Well, goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Nick! Yes, um... I just wanted to say goodbye. Oh, goodbye. Tim, Timmy. We were just going... We were just going to bed. Well, I... I want you to sit down. You too, Timmy. Sure. I want to tell you something about your mommy. We're listening. Well, it's just... Well, we're all staying together. And I love you both very, very much. And that's because I think you're wonderful children. And besides, you see, I used to know you a long, long time ago. And... Go on, Mommy. What did you say? We are a mother, aren't you? You... You knew? We eavesdropped on you and Grandma. Oh, you kids, come here. Hello, Mother. Mommy. What an armful you two are. And... Oh, you two get into bed. Nick! Go on now. Good night, Mommy. Good night. Good night, Timmy. Is something wrong? Car won't start. Are you sure? Positive. Well, then, I guess you'll have to stay in the hotel for the night. Try it. No rooms left. Well, what are you going to do? Sleep in the snow. Thought you'd like to know. Well, maybe I can help you. Can you, Ellen? I'll give you a blanket. Oh, dear. What's that? Oh, chest. Doesn't mean anything. Oh, well. Good night. Nice room you have here. Yes, I like it. Nice bed. Fine bed. Room for two. Oh, plenty of room. Good night, Nick. What about me? What about you? What about me staying? Where? Here. Oh, no, couldn't do that. No trouble. Well, the principle of the thing. Oh, I could even sleep on the floor. Could you? No. No bother to you. None at all. Oh, well. Well, come in. Thank you. Well, now, the floor? A floor. Are you comfortable? Very. I'm cold. Are you cold? No, I'm not cold. Go to sleep, Nick. I can't. Sleeping on this floor is like sleeping on a board. Well, we'll talk about it at Christmas time. It's a long time till Christmas. 18 days. Well, you don't care. You're not even sure you want me. Yes, I am. Be quiet. You'll wake the children. Christmas? Christmas. Yes, Ginch? I hear a man's voice in Mommy's room. Maybe it's Daddy. Somebody just left. Let's see. It is Daddy. Where's he going? Let's follow him and find out. He's going to the Christmas tree. He's taking the Santa Claus. No, he isn't either. He's just taking the Santa Claus suit. What's he doing? He's putting it on. What's he doing? He just stubbed his toe. I wonder what he's putting the Santa Claus suit on for. Daddy, it's your strange sometimes. Maybe he's just going to surprise Mommy. Are you asleep, Nick? Nick? Nick? Where's that darn light? Nick? Once a year, this is it. Come out from behind those whiskers. Come here, darling. Are we married? Yes, it's Christmas. Merry Christmas, Ellen. Merry Christmas to all. And to all our goodnight. Our stars of my favorite wife will return in just a moment with our guest director, Leah McCary. Say, what happens at Bing Crosby's house when the Bob Hope program comes on? Well, here's Bing to tell us about it. By the way, Bing, do you happen to catch Bob Hope's program? Ken, the Bob Hope show is an absolute must in the Crosby household. Every Tuesday night we all gulp our dinner down and we dash madly for the radio. We all sit in a semi-circle and we pay strict attention. The first one to laugh has to wash the dishes. Oh, then you heard Bob Manch the new Chesterfield poster, the one that shows him holding up a new Chesterfield Christmas carton? Oh, indeed I did. I heard him plug my Santa Claus likeness on the carton, too. Oh, you know, Bing, you make a very convincing pop of Santa Claus? Well, I've had a modicum of practice, shall we say. Anyway, it's a wonderful gift for just about everyone you want to get a gift for. Chesterfield, Chesterfield always wins first place. That milder mild tobacco never leaves an aftertaste. So open a pack, give him a smell. Then you'll smoke him. This Christmas give Chesterfield Christmas cartons with Bing as pop of Santa Claus. Next week, the Screen Directors Playhouse brings you a great actress and a swiftly rising young star paired in one of Hollywood's most fascinating psychological dramas. Our story is The Lady Gambles, directed by Michael Gordon. And our stars are Barbara Stanwick and Stephen McNally. Now, here again at tonight's stars, Irene Dunn and Carrie Grant. You know, Carrie, we've got a friend to introduce. There's no use beating around the bush with this fellow. All right, Carrie, he's a producer. And the Academy Award-winning director of such pictures as The Awful Truths. Yes, Carrie and I win that one together. And Love Affair and Going My Way. And he was also the producer of the picture we adapted tonight. My favorite wife. Ladies and gentlemen, Leo McCarrie. Thank you, but I'd better clear up something right now. Since I was only the producer on My Favorite Wife, I'm just pinch hitting tonight for the director, Garcin Canaan. Oh, my such disarming Mother's Day. No, really, Carrie. I think there are times when the producer of a film gets entirely too much credit. When do you feel like that? When I'm directing. The poor man's personality is spit right down the middle. Very handy in our business, Carrie. It allows a guy to appraise his own handiwork. All right, appraise my favorite wife. Well, Garcin Canaan's direction was the epitome of comedy. The acting, well, the acting spoke for itself tonight. Irene, you were superb. Carrie, you were positively brilliant. The two of you were just simply... Oh, come on, Leo. I wouldn't go that so far. I only said things that were written for me. Well, that's all I'm doing. I'm just reading what's written here myself. Oh, now, wait a minute. No, we all have one more line, Leo. We have? Good night. Good night. And so ends tonight's Screen Directors Playhouse. The Thursday Night feature on NBC's All Star Festival, brought to you by the makers of Anderson for the fast relief from the pain of headache, neuritis, and uralgia. Chester Field, the only cigarette that combines mildest with no unpleasant aftertaste. Your local Ford dealer who is now displaying the new 1951 Ford, the car that's built for the years ahead, and RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television. Meet all the gang at Duffy's Tavern tomorrow night on NBC.