 Section 36 of Memoirs of Miss Sidney Bidoff, this lipovox recording is in the public domain, Memoirs of Miss Sidney Bidoff by Francis Sheridan, Volume 3 continued. February the eleventh. My new found relation dined with me to-day according to promise. Patti had provided two dishes of the best things in season, and dressed them admirably. I need not tell you in what satisfaction Mr. Warner and I enjoyed our little cheerful meal. He had sent me in the morning a hamper of excellent wine, and seemed to relish his bottle with an extraordinary good gusto. When Patti had carried the children upstairs, and we were left alone, he told me that he had been that morning looking out for a house for me. You must quit these lodgings directly, and submit a little to my management, for I will mortify your paltry brother and his wife. You shall have as handsome a house as his, and better furnished, too, or I'll know why. You must know I mean to set you out like a duchess, and you shall roll by that worthless puppy's door in a better equipage than his minx is carried in. But I do not intend to live with you as well as I love you, for though I am an old weather-beaten fellow, you are young and handsome, and the world I know is full of scandal. I shall therefore content myself with a lodging, somewhere in your neighbourhood, and come and see you now and then. I thanked him for the prudence of his generosity, and begged that he would suffer me to live in that moderate state, which, if I had ever so much riches, would be my choice. Don't oppose me, cos, said he, pray don't, I must have my way in this, I have set my heart upon it. You shall blaze for a while at least, when I have had my revenge, you may live as you please afterwards. I was unwilling to contradict him in his odd humour, yet was very much afraid of the consequences of blazing, as he called it, all at once. But, dear sir, said I, what will the world think of my emerging thus from obscurity into the splendour you talk of, though you do not live with me, as I am still young, may it not give room for censure? Busy people will pry into the source from whence I draw my affluence, and envy will not be backward in putting wrong constructions on an appearance by which it will be so much excited. He listened, looked me earnestly in the face, then nodding his head with a very grave countenance, said, you are a sensible woman, cos, and I commend your prudence. But I must have my will for all that. I could not forbear smiling at his manner, and going on I said, if I were to enter again into public life with a moderately gentile appearance only, nobody's curiosity would be excited, as it might easily be supposed that my brother had enabled me to support a decent figure in the world. I soon found that I had made use of a wrong argument which put my friend into a violent passion. A fiddle-stick for you and your brother, too, said he, do you think I will let that welp have the credit of what I mean to do for you? No, no, set your heart at rest about that. But I do all the world shall know, and my reasons for it, too. I'll have my own way, there is no hurt, I hope, in providing for a near-Kinswoman that is left to starve by a still-nearer relation. I make you my heir, look you, and I'll spread it all over the town. Is there any harm in that? God knows I have no more ill in my heart than one of your children, but I am a little resenting, may be, so say no more of it. I found Mr. Warner was pretty positive, therefore thought it the wisest way to insist no father upon the argument, but told him I would submit entirely to his discretion. It will be best for you, said he. Consider me as your father, and I will be a father to you. He then told me that he had been trying to get a house for me near my brothers, that I might knows him, as he called it, but that as there was none empty in the square he had fixed on a very handsome one in an adjoining street. I did not like the furniture, said he, so I ordered it out and have bespoke new of an upholsterer who promises me in a week or ten days at farthest to have everything completely fitted up. In the meantime I can't bear to see you in this sorry room. Poor soul! How long have you been here? I told him near four months, and that with his permission I would continue in these lodgings till the house was ready, as it was not worth while to change them for so short a time. Well, said he, you may do as you will for that. I'll see that everything is to your satisfaction. I took his leave with an affectionate shake by the hand. How miraculous is all this, my dear! This messenger of good tidings is he not sent to me by providence. As I found he intended not to make a secret of his designs in my favour, I was in haste to divulge the joyful news to my friends. I have accordingly written to my Lady V, giving her an account of the wonderful revolution in my affairs, and I intend as soon as I can fix upon some curious present worth her acceptance to make her a large return for all her favours. I have also acquainted Mrs. Falkland of the happy turn in my fortune, and I design a magnificent present for her as soon as I have time to prepare it. To neither of these ladies have I hinted at my brother's behaviour, either to myself or Mr. Warner. I have made the good women with whom I lodged stare wonderfully at the relation. I could get nothing from her but exclamations of astonishment, her hands and eyes lifted up. Good God, Lord blesses what strange things come about! What luck some people are born to! And this was your own own cousin that you never set eyes on before. My goodness what a swarthy gentleman he is, but tumbling in gold I wore at him! It would be long before such good fortune would happen to me, though I have a cousin beyond seas too. I could plainly see that this poor woman envied my prosperity, though she tried to congratulate me, but it is the less to be wondered, as if she knew not, that I was born to any better prospect than that of working for my bread in a two-pair of stair-rooms. February the fifteenth I have not seen my honest kinsman these four days, but he sent me a note to inform me that he was busy in seeing everything but in order in my new house, and that he abstained from visiting me out of discretion. This word he marked, the more to impress his full meaning. He says I shall not see anything till all is ready, neither has he yet so much as told me the street where I am to live. I find he will, as he himself says, have his own way. February the twenty-second Now, my Cecilia, I may reasonably hope that my afflictions are at an end, as far as wealth can promote felicity, that felicity is mine. I had just settled with my landlady, and having paid her for her lodgings, made her a present a little to reconcile her to my prosperity, when a new chariot, most superbly guilt, stopped at my door. A black and a white footman in rich, laced liveries behind it. One of these brought me a note from Mr. Warner, who informed me that he had sent my own equipage to carry me home, where I should find him waiting to welcome me to my own house. Patti seemed to have got wings to her feet. She flew up to me with the welcome notice, and begged of me to observe from the window that the servants were in our own family livery, with this difference, that the lace was silver instead of what we used to give. On expressing my surprise at this, Patti told me that Mr. Warner had at his second visit inquired of her, as she let him out what liverys we used to give, but bid her not mention it to me, which she said she would not do, as she guessed he meant to surprise me. But this was not all. He had been so minutely correct as to have the Arnold arms in a lozenge elegantly painted on the doors. What these were, he was at the pains of informing himself elsewhere. My Patti, almost frantic with joy, hurried the two children downstairs and stuck them up in the chariot, telling them both it was their own, as she put them into it, but the poor babes fell a-crying, and were not to be pacified by the novelty or finery of the thing till I came to them. She stayed behind to send our little baggage after us, and I drove to my new house in Palmao, where I found my generous benefactor waiting, as he had promised, to receive me. O my dear, he is a princely man, such grandeur, such elegance! He led me through every room, where wealth and magnificence were displayed even to profusion. From top to bottom there is not the smallest article wanting that luxury itself can imagine. The carpets, screens, cabinets, and an abundance of fine china are beyond comparison more beautiful than anything of the kind I have ever seen. Tis but eleven days, since my kinsman mentioned his design to me, and you must believe he has been indefatigable in his diligence, since he has left nothing for me to do, but at once to take possession of this splendid mansion. All the necessary domestics are hired and ready in their respective stations, and I am already as much settled in a few hours as if I had lived here so many years. Mr Warner told me that as a trifle would not be sufficient to keep up everything in proportionable state about me, he intended to allow me three thousand pounds a year. This appointment said he you are to consider as your own property, and just call upon me as you would on your steward. I am sure you will employ it well, you gave me a proof of that in your five shillings. You need not be afraid of being too profuse in your charities, when I die you will find yourself possessed of the means of continuing them. Dear sir, said I, long may you live to feel and rejoice in the blessings which your bounty will, through me I hope, draw down on us both. I leave you to enjoy yourself, said he, but I am impatient till your brother knows what he has lost by his hard heartedness. He cannot long be ignorant of it, sir, replied I, but indeed I flatter myself that he is not quite so much to blame in regard to me as we have both imagined. You see, he seemed to know nothing of my situation when you inquired after me, and even threw out something like a reproach for my having withdrawn myself without acquainting him where I was. I am very sure Lady Sarah never informed him of my having applied to her. It was his duty to inquire you out, said he. Did he not know you were poor? He knew, said I, that my circumstances were very much straightened, but he did not know how much. Well, well, answered Mr. Warner, it is good in you to excuse him, but I know him, to be a narrow hearted portrait. He took his leave, and said he would see me soon again, having taken lodgings for himself in my neighbourhood. February the twenty-third. I begin to doubt my Cecilia whether I am really awake or not, to his all enchantment. I am afraid my old kinsman is a wizard. I have been talking to and examining my servants to see if they are real living people or only phantoms. I look at and handle the rich furniture of my apartments to try if it be substantial. It is all so, everything real. I beg my cousin's pardon for suspecting him of sorcery. I believe he deals in no charms but that all-powerful one. Money. Now, my sister, what a spacious field is there open before me. Three thousand pounds a year. My many hearts will be in my power to make glad, and I will make many glad. O Lord God, who has showered down my blessings in abundance on my head, vouchsave me such a portion of thy grace that I may become an humble instrument of thy mercy, to those whom the rod of adversity has laid in the dust. Teach me so to use this thy bounteous favour that thy honour not my worldly desires may be promoted, that thy praise not my pride may be exalted. And if, O Lord, thou hast chosen me to be the dispenser of thy fatherly kindness to the afflicted that cry unto thee, quicken in my heart such diligence, humility and integrity as may render me not unworthy of the important trust. But if, O my God, thou hast sent riches only to be a trial of my strength, unsupported by thee, be merciful, take them from me, and restore to me that poverty which first taught me to know myself. Upon my knees I have poured out this prayer to the Almighty, and it is the fervent wish of my soul that he would grant it. February 26. You will smile, my dear, as I did, in pity of the meanness of poor Lady Sarah, but proud people are always mean. I have been here but four days, yet I find she has already heard of my metamorphosis. Indeed she could hardly do otherwise so near her as I am. Mr. Warner has been very urgent with me to drive out in my new chariot. This I readily complied with, as both the children and I wanted air and exercise, and yesterday we drove to Hyde Park. I did not, however, go at the hour where there is most company, but I conclude I was seen either by Lady Sarah herself or by someone who told her. For this morning, prodigious, she sent her woman to me with a message. I had her called upstairs, and inquired very civilly after my brother and his lady. She told me that Lady Sarah sent her humble service to me, and was very much surprised that she had not heard from me in so long a time. That she supposed I was gone out of town, but as Sir George seemed uneasy that I never wrote to him, her ladyship had sent her to inquire for me at my old lodgings in the hay market, from whence she had been directed to me here. And that she was ordered to tell me that her lady had talked to my brother about the affair that I knew of, and that Sir George would act agreeably to her request if I would call or write a line to him. I found the woman had been instructed to feign an entire ignorance on her lady's part of the change in my circumstances, but I was resolved to let her see I had detected this paltry artifice. I could observe that the servant, though she endeavoured to avoid it, eyed everything in my apartment with surprise and curiosity, and I concluded that Lady Sarah had sent her for no other purpose but to satisfy herself from her maid's account, whether the report she had heard concerning me was true. Tell your lady, said I, she needed not to have been at the pains of framing such a message to have gratified her curiosity. My house is open to anyone who has a mind to look at it, even to Lady Sarah herself. You shall see all over, and may report to her ladyship what my cousin Warner's bounty has done for me, and she may then judge whether I stand in need of the assistance she now pretends to offer me. The woman looked abashed, and though she seemed inclined to ask questions, was ashamed to do so. This was the very servant who had so unceremoniously led me up the back stairs when I went to visit her lady, but I appeared in a quite different light to her now. I rang the bell, and ordered a footman to show her the house. She curtsied in silence and withdrew. What a poor creature is Lady Sarah! Mr. Warner called upon me before her woman went away. I told him the whole passage. Oh, how he chuckled, and rejoiced, shrugging his shoulders and rubbing his hands! He wanted to see the servant, but I was afraid he would be too strong in his insults, and turned him from the point. He told me he invited himself to dine with me, and accordingly he favoured me with his company and stayed during the greatest part of the evening. He is a man of a strong natural sense, though he is careless of improving it. He has passed his life in business, and in acquiring riches. He does not let me into the particulars of these, though he is in other respects very communicative and entertaining. There is a whimsical vein runs through his conversation. He now for the first time desired me to give him the particulars of my life from my childhood, which he had but a partial account of at different time from myself. I took up my story at the earliest period of my life wherein anything interesting had occurred, and traced every circumstance minutely to the hour he first saw me. I could easily see that he had a tender, sympathising heart, for he was moved to tears more than once during my relation, nor was he ashamed of them, for he suffered them to run down his cheek while he listened with mute attention to my story. He praised Mr. Falkland highly, said he was a man after his own heart and deserved the best woman in the world. I wish you had married him, said he. Such a princely fellow deserves a princely fortune. He owned my brother had some reason to be netted at my refusal of such a man. Our sex, said he, does not have such chimera notions as you women have, but still that does not excuse his sordidness. I took this opportunity of telling Mr. Warner that my brother did not really know the very great distress I was in, and that I had reason to believe from the general tenor of Lady Sarah's character that she had either concealed it from him, or made misrepresentations of my case. Doubtless she had not informed him to what straits I was reduced immediately upon my mother's death. And who knows but Sir George having left me for a while to feel the effects of that resentment with which he had threatened me in his last letter, still meant to show himself a brother. For if he were ignorant as I am willing to believe of that particular which I have mentioned, he could not suppose that I was driven to absolute want. And from Lady Sarah's insinuations perhaps he thought that my mother left a sum of money behind her. He knew not of the illness that my children and I were visited with, and indeed it appears to me from what he hinted to yourself that he was quite unacquainted with my situation. To say the truth, my Cecilia, as you know I am of a placable disposition. I should be glad to be on good terms with my brother. The only relation, my kinsman accepted, that I have in the world. I was willing, therefore, if possible, a little to reconcile Mr. Warner to him, as I durst not, without his permission, seek a reconciliation with Sir George. There may be something in what you say, Cos, answered my friend. Perhaps he had a mind to let you bite on the bridle for a while, and I am willing to suppose with you that hereafter may be he would have given you some dirty trifle for a generous thing I am sure he is not capable of, from his sordidness to me. I found this stuck most with the good man. Oh, Sir, said I, but consider Lady Sarah's influence stepped in there, too. My brother, you acknowledge, was going to give you something till she interposed. Half a crown, I suppose, said he. To say the truth, I believe she is the worst of the two. She has a great deal of pride, Sir, answered I. She has communicated some of it to my brother. Probably he was mortified and disconcerted at the sight of so near a relation, in his wife's presence, whose exterior appearance could do him no credit. Perhaps, had you applied privately to him, he would have behaved better. You have not much worldly wisdom, replied my cousin, to excuse him thus. However, I think the better of you for it, whatever I may do of him. But speak honestly now. Don't you want to be friends with Sir George, that he and his wife may have an opportunity of seeing you in all your finery? As I knew Mr. Warner's temper, I was resolved to humour him in it, and thought I could not give my desire of seeing my brother a better turn than this, to one of my kinsman's disposition. To deal openly with you, Sir, said I, I think our triumph over Lady Sarah will not be complete unless she herself is a witness of that high fortune of which she might have been a partaker had it not been for her own meanness of spirit. And to be sincere with you, my Cecilia, I did think Lady Sarah deserved this mortification, though it did not so far influence me as to make me desirous of being on terms with her. As for my brother, I was governed by no other motive than affection towards him. Well, said Mr. Warner, suppose you were to invite them both to dine with you, and to have me at table handsomely dressed out, for I can dress fine when I please, and let them see that the man who was not thought worthy to sit down in their presence, they had better of used with more ceremony. Oh, Sir, said I, that would be too severe an insult, besides I doubt whether my brother would come. You know he is angry with me, and thinks he has reason. If you will permit me first to call on my brother, when we are reconciled I can afterwards ask both him and his lady to my house. And though I am sure you have too much good nature and politeness to shock them all at once, by violating the laws of hospitality in this house, which your bounty has made mine, yet will you have sufficient room for retaliation by treating them in your turn with neglect? Thou art a milky thing, answered Mr. Warner, but as I am willing to please you, you may do as you like, but by God they shall never have a cross from me. END OF SECTION 36 February the 27th. Having obtained Mr. Warner's consent, I went this day to my brother. He was not at home, but I was introduced to Lady Sarah for whom I inquired. Poor woman, how she looked! My resentment was disarmed, even my contempt subsided, and I felt nothing but pity. Her confusion was so great she knew not how to receive me. She curtsied without knowing what to say or how to behave. I would not embarrass her too far, but taking a chair by her, as you favoured me with a message yesterday, Lady Sarah, said I, in as obliged a tone as I could speak, I thought it a sisterly duty to wait on you and Sir George. I hope my brother is well. I long to see him, and flatter myself he will forget all former coldness, and again be my brother. I spoke this long sentence on purpose, to give her time to recover herself. She rubbed her hand over her forehead. I believed to hide the glow that was in her face from my first entrance. Lord Mrs. Arnold, I am so surprised. This visit was so unexpected. I thought you were in the country. Her woman, you know, had been with me the day before. I passed this by, however. I have not been out of town at all, madam. I was detained by illness. I am mighty sorry for it. I hope you are quite well recovered. Pray, why did not you let me know you were ill? As I had heard nothing from you, madam, after my first message, I was afraid that the mediation you were so kindest to promise me had failed, and that my brother's resentment was so great he would not hear of me. Oh, dear, that is true indeed. It was a sad affair. I mentioned you to your brother when he came to town, but he was in such a passion I durst not name you to him again. She durst not name me, observe that, my dear. Poor George, whom she governs with despotic sway. Then, probably, madam, my brother knew not at all my distress. I protest, I don't know, said she. You know your brother is very warm, and whenever I attempted to speak of you he always stopped me short, so I don't know how it was, but I never could get to tell him your situation. I should think I had great reason to resent my brother's cruelty, madam, said I, if he had known those particulars of which my maid informed you. But, since he did not, I will not reproach him. Neither will I accuse your ladyship of unkindness in concealing them from him. My sufferings are, thank God, at an end, and I am now come to offer you and, Sir George, my sisterly love. I hope he will not refuse me his love in return. I have nothing else now to ask for. She blushed again and seemed in great confusion. You are very good, Mrs. Arnold, we must forget and forgive. Shall I not be permitted to see my brother, madam? By the message I received from you I was in hopes you had prevailed on him. The poor woman was now struck dumb. She felt for her snuff-box and would not find it in her pocket, but got up to look for it to gain a little time. Rummaged her toilet, and at last took it out of her pocket, offered me a pinch of snuff, then sat down again. Why, that message to tell you the truth, said she, forcing a conscious, silly smile, your brother knew nothing of. But not having heard from you in so long a time, I was resolved to inquire after you, and was determined myself out of my own pin-money to offer you what I could spare till I could get Sir George in better temper. But I made use of his name, because I thought you would more readily accept of anything from him than from me. Your brother thought you were actually in the country. Try till we were surprised with the account of the wonderful fortune that has come to you lately. Then you had heard of it, madam, interrupted I, before you sent to me. An untoward question, my dear, it plunged her again in the mud, and she flounced and floundered to get out, which only sunk her the deeper. We had heard a strange flying report, said she, of which I did not believe a word, and therefore sent homes, this is her woman's name, to you to offer you my service. I was not ill-natured enough, my Cecilia, to persist in embarrassing this mean woman any farther. Though the insincerity of her whole behaviour, and the low falsities she had recourse to, very well deserved reproof. I was glad to find my brother was not so culpable, as he had at first appeared, for I could easily discover from the whole tenor of her discourse, she was so far from giving him any intimation of my distress, that she had prevented him from inquiring after me, by telling him that I was gone out of town. Probably, too, with some aggravating circumstances, either of a pretended neglect on my side towards them both, or perhaps some other falsehood still more injurious. It was very apparent that she had sent her maid only as a spy, and by way of passport, with a sham offer of kindness of which she knew I stood not in need, and she depended on my pride and resentment so justly provoked, for my never coming to any explanation either with her or my brother. No wonder then she was confounded at the sight of me, and the more so as she apprehended I might reproach my brother, who could so well excuse himself by pleading ignorance of my situation, and her conduct must then appear so despicable to her husband, that hardy as she is, she would be at a loss to justify it. All this, being very obvious to me, I determined to make her easy at once. I shall think no more of what is past, Lady Sarah, said I. I only wish to be on terms of friendship with my brother, and you. And since he knows not of the message you sent to me, I will not mention it to him nor anything else that can recall past unkindness. I hope this visit will be taken, as it is meant, out of pure affection, and that you, madam, will be so kind as to make my peace with my brother, who I am very sorry I was under a necessity of disobliging, but as I never did offend him, and I am sure never should, but in that one instance, wherein I was so much more nearly interested than himself, I hope he will think no more of it, but restore me to a share of his love, which is all that is now wanting to my happiness. This declaration, as I intended it should, entirely restored Lady Sarah's tranquillity, her countenance brightened up. I'll take upon me to answer for Sir George, said she, that he shall restore you to his affection. I shall insist upon a general act of oblivion being passed on his side, and I beg, sister, on your part, that you may not, by reproaching your brother, revive the memory of your past coldness. The weakest people are often very cunning. This caution of Lady Sarah's, artfully enough, introduced, conveyed an obvious meaning to me very different from her pretended reason. She was afraid of an acclerishment. I promised her I should meet my brother whenever he would permit me, as if nothing had ever happened to disturb our friendship. See, my dear, how this woman, who dost not name me when I was poor, took upon her now to make her husband, whose anger had so much intimidated her, subscribe entirely to her opinion. But I was now become an object of attention, a finer house, and a finer equipage when her ladyships gave me an indisputable title to that regard, to which, as a sister, and in distress, I had not the least claim. She now ventured to ask me some particulars relating to the very extraordinary change in my fortune. I satisfied her minutely, not without mentioning the cause of Mr. Warner's having made me the sole object of his bounty. Poor Lady Sarah could not conceal her vexation at the thought of what she had lost by her ill-timed pride and parsimony. A strange whimsical old mortal, she called him, to come upon them so abruptly and in such a scandalous garb that Sir George was quite ashamed of him. I am glad, however, Mrs. Arnold, that he has made you the better for him. I hope he will continue his fondness, but such odd humorous are not to be depended on. Don't tell him, however, what I say I should be glad to show him any civility in my power for his kindness to you. I took my leave of her ladyship with a cordial invitation to come and see me, which she said she would not fail to do. Mr. Warner called on me for a few minutes in the evening to know the result of my visit, as I had told him I intended to make it. I related everything that had passed between Lady Sarah and me. He enjoyed her confusion, as I described it, with a triumphant satisfaction, which nothing but a very strong resentment could have excited in so good nature to man, as he really seems to be. He is added to my store of China today, of which I have already in abundance, a pair of most magnificent jars, above four feet high, which he values at a hundred and fifty pounds. These, with an entire service of the finest Nanking China, and a most beautiful Persian carpet, I have set apart, as a present for Lady V, and shall send them to her the first opportunity. Mr. Warner very much approves of my design, as he knows the obligations I have to her. I have also got him to be speak, a set of jewels to the amount of fifteen hundred pounds, with which I intend to present Mrs. Falkland. This sum will not exceed my debt to Mr. Falkland, if his agreement with Peavey stands in force for the term prescribed. Mr. Warner, who mightily loves to be employed, has undertaken to get these jewels made up for me in the most elegant taste. The man's generosity is as inexhaustible as his riches. I fancy he is still some way concerned in trade, though he does not tell me so. These jars, he said, he had just received by the arrival of an East India ship, and I understand that his former dealings were extremely extensive, all over the world, he said, where there was commerce he put in for his share. February 29th. Lady Sarah has returned my visit. She was not slow, you see, in her ceremony. So obliging, so polite, everything praised and admired, and sister, at every second word, and the children caressed, Arnold's children. What a fine thing it is, my dear, to be independent. I showed her all my house, but not with ostentation. I thought it would have looked affected, not to have recommended so much wealth and elegance to her notice. My sideboard, she says, is absolutely the handsomest she ever saw. Indeed, both for workmanship and richness, it does surpass any I have seen. She told me she had talked to my brother, and that though he still resented my obstinacy, as he called it, yet as I have made such advances towards a reconciliation, he was very ready to meet me, and desired everything might be forgotten on my side as it should be on his. He would have come to see me, added Lady Sarah, as he does not choose to meet Mr. Warner, he would rather that the first interview between you were at his own house. I told her ladyship I would breakfast with her the next morning, and we parted upon wonderful courteous term. February 30th. Just returned from my brothers. Sir George received me with open arms, and I returned the embrace with the utmost cordiality of affection. Surely, my dear, there is something wonderfully powerful in the natural affections. Sir George, spite of his resentment, his turbulence, and the threats denounced against me, could not, at sight of me, after an absence of so many months, resist the first impulse of his heart in giving me strong tokens of brotherly love, though probably had he not seen me, the latent tenderness might have lain forever, dormant in his heart. I entered immediately on the topic of my extraordinary acquisition, as I was determined not to lead to a subject which might bring on the explanations so much dreaded by Lady Sarah, and I could observe that my brother avoided anything tending that way as much as I did. He congratulated me heartily on my good fortune, but said, between jest and earnest, that if he could have divined his cousin Warner had come to him to make experiments, he should have taken care to have treated him better. But I don't know how it was, said he, he came in an evil hour and I was in an ill humour. Lady Sarah kept up the conversation with a great deal of vassity, always taking care to keep us clear of the rock she was afraid of, till a lady with whom she was engaged to go to an auction called to take her up. Sir George would feign of detained me, but she insisted on my going with her, to have my judgement, the thing she intended to buy. It appeared to me that she did not choose to leave my brother and me together, for fear mutual confidence in the fullness of our hearts might have brought her disingenuous proceedings to light. But cunning people often overact their parts. She was so extremely pressing that my brother could not but take notice of it. I acquiesced to avoid giving her uneasiness, having first engaged my brother to dine with me on Friday. Lady Sarah and he both consented, but premised that Mr Warner was not to be of the party. This I ventured to promise as I was resolved if Mr Warner invited himself, which is his usual way, to put him off by fairly telling him the truth and trusting to his good nature for the consequence. March the second. After the trivial incidents of these two last days, my Cecilia, now hastened to more interesting particulars, but first a word or two of my cousin Warner. I had not seen him since the day that my brother and I met till this morning when he called to ask me how I did and to know how the puppy, George, as he calls him, had behaved to me. After having satisfied him in this inquire in a way the most favourable I could for my brother, I told him that as I had really found both him and his lady extremely penitent and mortified, I had asked them to dine with me that day. I am glad of it, said he, very quick. I'll be here to snouch them. Dear Sir, said I, for heaven's sake, have a little compassion. You cannot conceive how humbled they are. They dare not look you in the face, and it was one of their conditions with me before they would consent to come that they should not see you. Ha-ho! said he exultingly. Have they changed their note? Well, I will not distress you so far in your own house as to mortify them with my company at dinner, but if I should take it in my head to drop in in the afternoon, and not take it amiss, I only want to see them look a little like fools. I could not venture to oppose him in this, but resolve to make it as easy as possible by preparing my brother and sister for his visit. I told him that would do extremely well, and he went away rejoicing at the thoughts of his intended triumph. Mr. Warner had but just left me when I was surprised with a message that Sir George was below. I went down to him directly and seeing him in his morning-dress, imagined that something had happened which prevented their dining with me, and he called to excuse himself, but he undeceived me presently. As I had not an opportunity, said he, of asking you any questions the other day and shall be prevented probably in the same manner this day, I am come to have an hour's chat with you before dinner, and first pray inform me, Sidney, where you have lived ever since my mother's death and how it came to pass that in all this time you never took any notice of either Lady Sarah or me. As to your first question, brother, it is easily answered, I have never been out of London. For the rest, let us avoid all retrospection which can now answer no end to either of us. You surprise me, said he, I understood you had been in the country. Lady Sarah was told you had gone to Lady V. She was misinformed, I replied. What was the meaning then, said he, that you never called or sent to her. She had no resentment to you though I had. Dear Sir George, ask me no more questions. I thought it had been premised that we were not to talk of the past. I see, Sidney, answered he, there is something you have no mind to explain. You know I love and respect my wife and that I cannot easily be brought to take anything ill of her. But she was so extremely earnest with me not to ask you any questions that it made me suspect there was something she had in mind to conceal from me. What confirms me in this opinion is that I know you are ingenious and open to conviction. You would have made me some apology for a neglect both of me and Lady Sarah which you could not but suppose offended me if you had not looked upon yourself as by much the most injured person. You urge me very home, brother. I thought I was injured when you disclaimed all relationship to me if I did not comply in a certain particular which I was not at liberty to do. I was very angry with you, said he, but should not have carried my resentment any length after my mother's death if you had made any concessional desire to throw yourself under my protection instead of a stranger's. For Lady V comparatively is one. I could not suppose you were in immediate want of my assistance as I understood my mother's private purse was not inconsiderable and to tell you the truth I was resolved till you did condescend to inform me of your situation not to give myself any pain about you. I can only tell you in two words, Sir George, that you have been extremely misled in regard to me. I wish not to revive so disagreeable a subject. Pray say no more of it. But one word more, said he, just for my own satisfaction and then I have done. Was Lady Sarah made acquainted with your circumstances? You must have lived in miserable obscurity to be so long in London without my knowledge. You love and respect your wife, brother. You must not take anything ill of her. I am answered, he replied. He walked about the room and I could see he was ashamed and affected. You will make me very unhappy, Sir George, said I, if you resent anything on my account to your lady. She did not think perhaps that things were quite so bad with me as they really were. But if she heard, which by the way I knew was an invention of her own, that my mother left anything behind her, she was deceived. There really was nothing. But let us call another subject. When did you hear from Mr. Falkland? It is some time since I have had a letter from his lady. His lady, he repeated and stamping with his foot, cursed the hour which gave her that title. Dear Sir George, you shock me. How can you be so uncharitable, so un-Christian? If you knew her as well as I do, said he, and shook his head. You are so strong in your indignation against her, I replied, that you almost make me suspect that you do know more of her than I do. Her weakness, in regard to Mr. Falkland accepted, I could never entertain an ill thought of her, that you have raised a curiosity which though I trembled to have it gratified, I must beg you to speak out. Do not think me malicious, Sidney, said he. A woman's reputation is too sacred a thing to be trifled with. If her weakness, as you call it, had been confined to Mr. Falkland, hers should be so with me. But I cannot think with temper on the sacrifice that noble fellow has been forced to make to Caprice. Dear brother, explain yourself, you terrify me. My heat on this occasion, he answered, would be unjustifiable if I had not proof of what I say. Miss Bertul, for I will not call her by my friend's name, is that monster, a female Libertine, a rake in the worst sense of the word. Monstrous, cried I, your prejudice makes you believe of every cruel tale you may have heard. Heard, he interrupted with an indignant smile, the devils in it if I have not more than here say for my knowledge, Lord brother, you make me shudder, what do you mean? He replied, you will not believe me perhaps when I tell you that I am as much obliged to Miss Bertul's favour as Mr. Falkland was. If Sir George had plunged a dagger in my heart, I could not have felt a sharper pang. He saw me struck with amazement and grief. I knew it would shock you, said he, but you extorted the secret from me, for a secret it has and ever should have remained, but in my own justification you compelled me to disclose it. You know, said he, that from the first I never considered Falkland's engagement to her as a serious one, nor in any shape-binding. This judgment I formed without knowing anything of the woman, but from Falkland's own representation of the fact. Though to say the truth, he always spoke of her with more tenderness than she deserved, and imputing her frailty to her love of him was as most men are apt to do on such occasions, disposed to judge favourably of her. The first time I saw her was at Sydney Castle, that time when my mother invited her, and when you may remember, I went down there in compliment to my mother. I own—I thought her extremely agreeable, which was alone sufficient to make me a little more than barely polite, but my mother's extraordinary attachment to her engaged me to go still further, and to oblige her I was more than ordinarily attentive to please Miss Birchall. When I assure you upon my honour that I had no father views, I believe you will not doubt my veracity. But whether Miss Birchall mistook my civilities for fondness, or whether as I rather believe her natural disposition was so loose, that every man she saw lighted up a flame in her heart, I know not. But certain it was she made me such advances that I must have been extremely stupid not to have understood her, and absolutely frozen to have repelled her. My good mother's unsuspecting temper permitted us too many opportunities, and the light ones of your sex do not easily forgive the neglect of those. In short, Miss Birchall yielded to the impetuosity of her wishes, and I followed her lead more through vacancy in a want of better employment than out of inclination. I was very glad when she was recalled home, for I was heartily wearied of her. The day before she left Sydney Castle, when we were alone, she said to me, I have too great a reliance on your honour to suppose you capable of enduring my reputation by ever divulging what has passed between us. I am easy, therefore, on that head, but there is one circumstance on which you must give me the most solemn promise that is in your power to make, without which I shall be the most unhappy creature in the world. I know there is friendship between you and Mr. Falkland, and I am not ignorant that you men in your unreserved moments of confidence do not scruple to disclose such secrets as I have trusted you with. I do not fear your imprudence with regard to anyone else, but it is of the utmost importance to me that he, in particular, should never know what my tenderness for you has led me into. You know I have a son by him. He has hitherto provided liberally for the child's maintenance, and to let you into a secret which nobody besides must know, I myself am indebted to him for the principal part of my support, though he, as well as the rest of the world, believe that I have a fortune. Now, though I do not entertain the least hope, nor indeed wish ever to be Mr. Falkland's wife, yet would it be of terrible consequence to me to forfeit his regard, which you may naturally suppose would be the case if he were to come to the knowledge of what has happened. He has given me to understand by his housekeeper that when he comes to England he will provide for me. The woman hinted something like a design of his making a handsome establishment for any worthy man of whom I shall make choice, insinuating at the same time that this depended on my conduct. I have no thoughts of marrying, but as mine and my child's future welfare must be chiefly owing to Mr. Falkland, you see the necessity there is for my preserving his good opinion. For this reason, then, my dear Sir George, you must swear to me that you will never betray me to him. The reasons were so plausible and the requests so natural that I made no scruple of giving her a solemn oath to preserve the secret inviolable from Falkland's knowledge, for so she herself worded the promise she urged me to make. In regard to any one else, she said she was satisfied all assurances were needless. You see, continued my brother, that by this declaration she laid me under a double tie of secrecy. As I had no conception that Falkland could ever be brought to think of marrying her, I thought myself bound not to injure her in his opinion and therefore religiously kept my promise. I thought myself bound not to injure her in his opinion and therefore religiously kept my promise. Falkland was not then in England, but when he returned and came to visit me at Sydney Castle, just at the time you parted from your husband, he spoke of Miss Birchel in a manner which, though it convinced me he had a regard for her and wished to see her happy, yet was it far from alarming me on his own account. I therefore should have thought it the highest baseness and cruelty to have hurt her in his esteem. I have never had the least intercourse either by letter or otherwise with Miss Birchel since we parted. I make no doubt, but she has dispensed her favours wherever her inclination has led her. And you see, she has had the good fortune to keep all her amours secret. But what hope can there be that such a profligate will keep her faith to one man, though that man is the most amiable in the world. Oh, brother, what a scene of iniquity you have disclosed. I would to heaven you had kept the horrid secret to yourself, or divulged it in time enough to have prevented the misery into which I, unhappy that I am, have precipitated your friend. But I ought not to blame you. You acted agreeably to the dictates of honour. Detestable woman! I cried in the bitterness of my heart. I do not wonder at her cautioning me against letting you into my design of urging Mr. Falkland to marry her. I then little knew the reason you had for the opposition she said you would give to this fatal match. Everything fell out to her wish and coincided to promote her successful guilt. Your absence from London, mine and my mother's urgency in the too generous yielding of our dear unhappy Falkland. I burst into tears. My heart was torn with anguish, and in that instant my tenderness for him revived. Sir George strove not to comfort me. He was too much affected himself. I have but one hope, said I, and that is the extraordinary love she has for Mr. Falkland and his uncommon merit which may probably secure to him the continuance of it. You know not what you say, answered my brother. The merit of an angel could not secure the fidelity of such a heart as hers. Her love is gross. A new object will always have charms for her. Had I been as credulous as Falkland I should have thought myself the idol of her soul so lavish was she in her expressions of tenderness. Is it not strange though, I ask, that with so loose a mind she should have so long preserved an attachment to Mr. Falkland for most certainly her affection to him has at least been sincere. Her affection to his estate, answered my brother, has I believe all a long been sincere. Do you not know she is a beggar? I told him in this she has imposed on him to answer her own ends in engaging him the more firmly to keep her secret for to my knowledge she had seven thousand pounds as I was informed by Lady V. who knew her circumstances. Sir George vented two or three curses on her head. I am not surprised at any instance of her falsehood, said he. She is made up of deceit. Such characters as hers are not uncommon but none of them ever fell in your way before and I hope never will again. If you will look back on her whole conduct however it may surprise you you will find there is nothing inconsistent in it. She is only a sly rake in petticoats of which there are numbers that you good women would stare at if you knew their behaviour. She considers men just as the libertines of our sex to women. She likes for the present. She seduces. Her inclinations call towards an old lover and are warmed again by a new face. She retained not Falkland long enough to grow tired of him and therefore possibly still preserved some tenderness for him. Indeed his uncommon attractions must have made an impression even on her heart but this did not hinder her from indulging her inclinations elsewhere. You must throw into the account too that she had by accident got a sort of hold on him of which by my mother's indulgence and some other concurring circumstances she hoped one day or other to avail herself with so prettier person as she has and the fortune you tell me she is mistress of do you think she could have failed of marrying creditably if that had been her view? No, no. She meant not to confine herself. Her passion for Falkland whether real or pretended gave a colour to her preserving that liberty in the licentious use of which she placed her happiness nor would she in the end have confined herself within the bounds of marriage if an immense fortune had not sweetened the restraint. I pray heaven it may, answered I, it is all we have now to trust to. You have given me an idea of a character which I thought was not in the female world. I own, replied Sir George, I live in perpetual fears of her relapsing in device. A woman without principle, Sidney, is not to be relied on. Love, if in such a breast it can merit that name even towards the most deserving object is never permanent. Fear and even shame are subdued by repeated crimes. What hold then remains? Interest alone, where that happens to interfere. But if detection can be avoided even that can have no father influence. Sir George took his leave of me in order to go home to dress that I was not to say a word of his morning visit so that I found I needed not to be under any apprehensions of reproaching Lady Sarah with her behaviour towards me, for he meant not to let her know he was informed of it. So much the better. I should be extremely sorry to be the occasion of any difference between them. They came at the appointed hour. I entertained them magnificently and we were all harmony and good humour. When dinner was over I told them they must not be surprised if we should have a visit from our West Indian relation in the evening for that it was very probable he would call and if I should be denied he would never forgive me as he possibly might find it out. Lady Sarah looked frightened and said she would not stay. But Sir George declared he would arm himself with a few bumpers and stand his ground. I affected to treat the interview with pleasantry and reconciled them both to it for I was really apprehensive that Mr Warner would take it very ill and think I betrayed him if I let them escape. I supposed too that after he had indulged himself in a short triumph all would be over and they might afterwards meet on better terms. In less than half an hour we heard a loud rap. Lady Sarah turned pale. Sir George laughed at her but was himself a little disconcerted. The parlor door flew open a footman entered Mr Warner and instorked my kinsman with a very stately tread. He was dressed out I assure you a large well-powdered wig tied with a rose a suit of the finest cinnamon-coloured cloth and over it a sattoot of the richest mohair and silk with gold frogs and a fine clouded cane with a gold head. Silk stockings of the same colour with his coat a fine lace cravat his hat under his arm he really looked very gentlemen-like and venerable for he appears older than he is. He glanced his eyes with a supercilious scorn over my brother and sister who stood up at his entrance and making up directly to me saluted me and took his place by me. A short silence ensued which was broken by my asking Mr Warner to drink a glass of wine. I could almost have smiled at the embarrassment of my brother and Lady Sarah. The old gentleman enjoyed it and looked at them both but as if he knew neither. My brother had recourse to the bottle he drank my health and civilly enough bowed to Mr Warner just pronouncing the word sir. The other scarce returned it by a slight inclination of his head. At last addressing himself to me, cousin, if you have no aversion to tobacco, I should be glad you would oblige me with a pipe to my custom after dinner but I have not smoked yet. As I had never observed him to do this when he had dined with me before I took it for granted the compliment was meant for Lady Sarah. I said I had no objection and referred myself by a bow to Lady Sarah. She made no reply and my kinsmen without seeming to mind anyone else rang the bell saying, if you don't dislike it there is no more to be said. The black whom he had given me presenting himself at the door Mr Warner desired him to stop at his lodgings for his pipe and some tobacco. The man quickly returned with a long Japaned reed with a bowl fixed at the end of it. Mr Warner called for a lighted taper and throwing himself back in his chair with one leg crossed over the other, lighted his pipe with much composure puffing large clouds of smoke across Lady Sarah's nose who sat at his right hand. My sister who had really an unaffected aversion to tobacco could not bear this. She coughed excessively and with tears in her eyes rose off her chair and retired to the other end of the room. My old gentleman laughed till he wheezed nodding his head after her and looking at me as much as to say, I am glad I have sent her off. Sir George, though determined not to be put out of humour, thought this was going too far. I was really uneasy myself and hardly knew how to act for if I showed any mark of distinction to Lady Sarah, I knew it would be construed by Mr Warner as an affront to him. I ventured, however, to tell her that if she would step into the drawing-room, I should order coffee and wait on her immediately. I said my brother, approaching his lady and taking her by the hand, let us get out of the horrid atmosphere that this honest gentleman has raised about us. The honest gentleman vouched safe not to look at him and my brother and sister withdrew into the adjoining room. As soon as they were gone Mr Warner threw down his pipe and stroking the table with his clenched fist, burst into a loud laugh. Lord, Lord! said he, pride will have a fall! I think I have brought them down a little. How like asses they both looked. Well now I am satisfied. I have had my revenge. You may go and drink your coffee with them. I will bid you good-bye. He immediately withdrew, and I joined my brother and sister who were heartily rejoiced that they had got rid of him. Sir George said he saw his design, but was resolved not to give an opportunity for insults, and so held his tongue. As he is your friend, Sidney, said he, I would not distress you by engaging you in a party on either side, which must have been the case, for that old fellow would not have suffered you to remain neutral. I told him our kinsman was whimsical, but that as he was now thoroughly satisfied at having paid them in kind, I was sure he would never again seek to give them any offence, and they ought to forgive him by the law of retaliation. They laughed at the singularity of his manner, and the whole list of in mirth, though Lady Sarah declared he had made her quite sick with his nauseous tobacco. March the third. The ridiculous scene of yesterday, my Cecilia, for a while called off my thoughts from the melancholy subject which is now nearest to my heart. I mean the shocking account which Sir George gave me of Mrs. Can I bear to call her Falkland? Now it recurs to me with all its horrors. Oh, my dear, what a fatal wretch of I being to Mr. Falkland! My best purposes by some unseen power are perverted from their ends. I wonder the food which I take to nourish me is not converted into poison when I touch it. But I will calm my troubled mind with this reflection, that I meant not to do evil. Mr. Falkland, ignorant of his own misfortune, may, as hundreds of others in the same situation are, still be happy if that light creature has but a single grain of honour or gratitude. I will not think of it, anticipating, as you used to call me, I will banish the hateful idea from my mind. March the twelfth. What do you think, my Cecilia? Mrs. Gerard has eloped from her husband and is now at Paris in quality of mistress to a young nobleman who maintains her in vast splendour. I had this news in a letter from Mrs. Falkland today. Poor Peevee wrote his master an account of it. Upon Mr. Arnold's death Peevee, tired of the termigant spirit and intolerable coquetry of his wife, was very glad to relax his discipline and declared were he to have had a thousand a year he would not undertake to keep her within bounds and that nothing but his great respect for Mr. Falkland could have engaged him in the task so long. He acknowledges that he is very glad to be rid of her, and as Mr. Falkland enabled him to set up very handsomely in his business I really think he is happy in his loss. March the fourteenth. I have been deeply affected my Cecilia within these two days. If it had not been in my power to relieve the distress I have been a witness to, how unhappy it would have made me. I was stepping out of my chariot yesterday morning when a young woman who stood at my door in an old linen gown presented to me a little band-box, open and filled with artificial flowers. She spoke not, but the silent anguish in her looks drew my attention. She seemed about eighteen and very pretty. As an appearance of industry I think doubles the claim which the poor have to our compassion. I took out of her box a small sprig of jesamine, very naturally imitated, and asked the young woman if she made those flowers herself. She modestly replied she did. And cannot you child, said I find any one who would give you constant employment in this way to prevent your wandering about the streets to dispose of your work. She answered, Yes madam, but I have a poor decrepit father in jail who cannot be without my assistance. I live with him and only come out once a week to sell my flowers. I might go to service but he would die if I were to leave him. Her gentle speech, her youth and the unaffected tender sorrow that appeared in her face when she spoke of her father touched me to the heart. I made her come in and taking her into the parlour was desirous to ask her some questions. You look, said I, as if you had not been bred in poverty, pray what is your father? She blushed and with cast eyes replied, A clergyman, madam. A clergyman I repeated, What misfortunes for such I must suppose they were drove him to the distress situation you mention. It was a misfortune, madam, and not any crime answered the girl with tears in her eyes. My father is as good a man as ever was born. I asked his name and she told me it was price. My curiosity was excited by her manner. I desired her to sit down and relate to me the particulars of her story. She obeyed with a sensible politeness that pleased me. About twelve years ago, said she, my father had a little cure in Berkshire. He was reckoned a fine preacher and a very great scholar and what was more than either one of the best of men. In the parish to which my father belonged lived a gentleman of a very great estate. His name was Ware. He was himself a very worthy man and had so high an opinion of my father that he pitched upon him to go abroad in quality of governor to his only son, then a youth of about nineteen. As my father had travelled in the same capacity once before, he was very well qualified for the employment and had no objection to the acceptance of it, but is leaving my mother, of whom he was very fond, and me his only child, then scarce more than an infant. The elder Mr. Ware assured him he would be a friend and guardian to us both and so he was, and that he would in his absence allow us double the income which my father received from his cure. This, together with the appointment which he was to receive as his son's governor was too handsome an offer to be refused, especially as the gentleman promised he would never want a patron in him while he lived, and everybody knew he had interest enough to make his promise of consequence. My father was then past fifty, but as of a very healthy strong constitution he did not think it too late to undertake for the good of his family what he said was a very troublesome task. I could not help interrupting the young gentleman to ask her how it came to pass that her father, such a man as she represented him to be, was not better provided for at this time of life, especially as she said he had before been entrusted care of a pupil whom I presumed to be a person of fortune as scarce any others are sent to travel. She said he had a small patrimony of his own and that his original design was to study physics, but being persuaded by the particular love he bore a young gentleman to whom he was private tutor at the university to go abroad with him he had for some years while they continued on their travels being obliged to decline this study. When he had brought his pupil safe back to England he intended to pursue it and for this purpose was preparing to go to laden. But the gentleman who really had an affection for him declared he could not part with him and that if he would consent to stay and take holy orders he would get him a living which was in his father's gift, a nobleman then alive as soon as he had become vacant of which there was a good prospect on account of the aid of the incumbent and that in the meantime he should live with him. As the young gentleman had been married immediately after his return from his travels to a lady of a vast fortune and was settled with a family of his own about him, my father who fondly loved him did not disrelish the proposal and without much difficulty consented he now laid aside the thoughts of physic and turned his attention to the study of divinity nor was he in haste for the promised livings being vacated as he was resolved not to take orders till he was properly qualified for the holy profession he was now destined to. He continued thus four years with his young patron the gentleman who possessed the living though very sickly still holding it. My father then being inclined to go into orders his friend got him nominated to a cure in town the duties of which he constantly performed for two years still living with his benefactor but it was his misfortune then to lose him he was drowned in crossing a deep water on horseback which he thought was affordable my poor father had now lost as it proved his only friend though he then but lamented him as a son he loved and I have heard him say he was more afflicted for his death than his real father was as that nobleman was well acquainted with his son's intentions in regard to his tutor my father had no doubts of his fulfilling them especially as he had given his promise to do so about this time the curate of the parish in Berkshire which I mentioned to you before having a mind to make an exchange for one in London where all his friends lived proposed it to my father who had been at college with him as he had now no attachment in town and preferred a country life he readily agreed to the change and having first waited on the father of his late friend to remind him of his promise which he again confirmed he went down to Berkshire he fell in love with my mother who was the daughter of the rector whose cure he served she liked him and as her father looked upon him as a man's certain of preferment and every way esteemable in his character he did not scruple to give her to him in a few months after their marriage the incumbent of the long promised living died my father immediately waited on the nobleman so sure of success he should have nothing to do but to thank him for it but that lord told him with a pretended concern that he had disposed of it having heard that my father was well provided for in Berkshire and had married a lady of great fortune he returned home shocked and disappointed more on account of the family he had married into than on his own he now found himself at nearly forty years of age with a family coming on him with a provision and a curacy of forty pounds a year my grandfather pretended he had been deceived by him and made that excuse for withdrawing all his favour from him my mother had children pretty fast but they all died young accepting myself and as he loved her too well to let her feel the inconvenience of straightened circumstances he was content to let his own little patrimony which he had preserved gradually waste for my grandfather never gave her any fortune at his death which happened a few years after it appeared he could not for he left but a little behind him in this situation my father having lost all hopes of being better provided for with the melancholy reflection of having thrown away the best part of his days in a fruitless attendance and expectation dragged on a life of obscurity and toil for eleven years and then it was that Mr. Ware applied to him in the manner I have mentioned I told this amiable girl I was glad I had interrupted the thread of her story as by that means she had obliged me with so many interesting particulars of her family and then requested she would proceed she bowed with a pretty modest grace and went on I informed you madam that my father having accepted at the tuition of Mr. Ware's son prepared to attend him on his travels he took his leave very reluctantly of my poor mother in me whom he tenderly recommended to Mr. Ware's patronage and set out with the young gentleman having give up his cure as his absence was to be of long continuance Mr. Ware who was a truly good man was punctual in the performance of his promise towards my mother in me and behaved while my father was away like a second parent his son continued abroad upwards of four years and returned a very accomplished gentleman Mr. Ware was exceedingly pleased with my father's conduct for which he told him both his son and himself had brought him the utmost gratitude he has now far advanced in years and grown indolent from infirmities he therefore thought it better to be himself the rewarder of my father's merit than take upon him the trouble of soliciting other people to provide for him and accordingly resolved to give him an annual income of two hundred pounds during his life he told him at the same time it was entailed it was not in his power to confirm this grant by a will but he was sure his son was too sensible of what he owed him not to promise in the most solemn manner to continue to him his income when he should come to his inheritance the young gentleman who was present handsomely acknowledged the obligations he had to my father and assured him he thought he could never sufficiently repay him my father who now wished for nothing more than to sit down peaceably on a competency thought himself very happy he retired to his little house in Bartcher where my mother and I lived and gave himself up to domestic contentment End of Section 38 Section 39 of Memoirs of Miss Sydney Bidoff this LibriVox recording is in the public domain Memoirs of Miss Sydney Bidoff Memoirs of Miss Sydney Bidoff by Francis Sheridan Volume 3 continued The old gentleman was punctual to his agreement constantly paying my father £50 every quarter he died in something less than three years his son immediately on his accession to his fortune being at that time in London wrote to my father a very affectionate letter assuring him of the continuance of his friendship nor did he fail in his promise for two years he was punctual in his remittances to my father he did not during that time come down to Bartcher having another country seat of which he was fonder at this time I lost my dear mother who had been for some years in a declining way and though during her health as she was an exceedingly good economist my father might have laid by some of his income yet the frequent journey she was prescribed to Bath and other places for change of air together with the expense of physicians at home put it out of his power to save anything which on my account gave him great uneasiness but as he was still strong and pale he was in hopes he might yet live to lay by something for me I was now about 15 and the darling of my father's heart he was inconsolable for my mother's death but I endeavored to comfort him and at last in some measure succeeded Mr. Ware whom my father had not seen since the death of the good old gentleman came down to revisit his paternal seat he would not omit paying a visit of condolment to his old friend and tutor and accordingly came to our house the day after his arrival in the country though I had seen him before as it was in my childhood I had taken but little notice of him he is indeed a handsome gentile young man the innocent girl blushed as she spoke these words but I seemed not to observe it she proceeded with a sigh my father who loved him was rejoiced to see him Mr. Ware behaved with a tenderness and respect almost filial towards him and was very obliging to me he continued about a week in the country calling to ask my father how he did every day when he was about to return to London he pressed my father to pass a few weeks with him in town your melancholy here said he changing the scene a little will divert both you and your daughter my father thanked him for the honour he did him but modestly declined it Mr. Ware guessed at his motive and told him smiling I know your objection but to obviate it at once I must tell you that I have prevailed on my sister to come and keep house for me and I expect to find her at home on my return I knew his sister a maiden lady some years older than himself who had on the death of his father gone to live with a near relation of theirs my father smiling in his turn told him he had guessed his mind rightly and since that was the case he would not deprive his poor girl looking at me of the happiness of the good lady's company for a while Mr. Ware said we might go to town with him in his coach and as we had but little preparation to make we set out with him next day when we arrived at his house in London with all the marks of politeness and respect I was surprised we did not see his sister the whole night but as she was not surprised of our coming I thought that either she was abroad or had not yet quitted her friend with whom she lived the next morning at breakfast Mr. Ware made an apology for his sister's absence he said that the lady at whose house she lived was ill and that she could not possibly leave her till she was better which he supposed would be in a few days as her sickness was no other than the consequence of her lying in meanwhile he hoped Mr. Price would not be uneasy as he was himself his daughter's guardian though my father was not pleased at this excuse he however concealed his thoughts from Mr. Ware but told me if Miss Ware did not come home in a few days he purposed that we should take our leave and return to the country we had very handsome apartments assigned us and my father was put in possession of Mr. Ware's library a very noble one where the gentleman knew he would pass his most agreeable hours for my part as I did not care to go abroad till I had a proper person for me to appear with I declined the offer Mr. Ware very obligingly made his acquaintance to take me to public places I expected his sister every day and if she came as I knew my father purposed staying a month I thought I should have time enough to see everything so I chose to entertain myself with working and reading in my own room but Madam I soon found that Mr. Ware was a very base man the third day after we came to his house his behaviour towards me began to change entirely from what it was before he took every opportunity of being particular to me in his compliments I received him at first with that distant civility which I thought would neither encourage nor offend I looked upon him as a worthy young man and my father's friend and benefactor and thought in my humble station I should not be too quick to take exceptions as there had nothing as yet appeared in his behaviour which exceeded the bounds of respect but he did not preserve this long on the fifth day he came into a closet where I was reading and there in the warmest manner declared himself my lover I would feign have turned his discourse into pleasantry but he had recourse and protestations and swore he would not live without my favour I represented the cruelty of the insult he offered me in his own house and begged he would leave me as I was determined to depart immediately I will not sir said I let my father know the unkind return you have made for all his care of you but I can easily prevail with him to leave your house he fell at my feet begged my pardon and talked all that sort of stuff which I have read in romances at length I got him out of the closet and locked the door resolving never to sit alone without using the same precaution while we stayed in his house which I hoped would not be above a day or two longer for I concluded there was no sister to come and that this was only made use of as a snare to draw us to town as I had a mind to try the young girl I asked her how came you to receive Mr. Ware's addresses in the manner you mentioned how do you know he did not intend to marry you ah no madam said she I could not entertain such a thought I have not troubled you with the particulars of what he said to me but young as I was I knew too well what it tended to besides the fear he showed lest my father should know of his pretended courtship was enough to convince me what his designs were without anything else to guide me did you like him I asked the ingenuous young woman blushed I could have liked him madam she replied better than anybody I had ever seen if there had not been such a distance between us I desired her to proceed I told my father that same evening that as I saw there was no likelihood of the ladies coming to her brother and as I led but a melancholy life having no woman to converse with I had much rather be at home amongst my neighbours in acquaintance and begged he would return to Berkshire my father said it was what he had determined on after completing our week in town unless miss Ware came in the interim I have just told our friend so said he he seems to take it unkindly and says he is afraid he is disabliged me but I assured him my only reason was that I did not think the house of a handsome young bachelor a proper place for a pretty little country girl even though her old father was with her he assures me his sister will come and wants to stay a few days longer I hardly know how to refuse his entreaties but I shall be uneasy till we are at home I told my father Mr. Ware had too much sense to take his refusal amiss and begged of him to stick to his day I gave Mr. Ware no opportunity of speaking to me the remainder of that day nor all the next though he came to my closet door where I always sat treated for admission but I was peremptory in my denial and he went away reproaching me with cruelty Mr. Ware made an apology to my father on a count of his being obliged to spend the evening abroad the first time that he had been absent from us since we came to his house he had twice entertained us with a very agreeable concert at which there was a great deal of company both gentlemen and ladies he had got it performed at his own house on purpose to amuse my father who was a great lover of music but accepting those two mornings I had never seen any company with him as he said he would not invite strangers till I had got a companion of my own to keep me in countenance my father and I sucked alone we were to go out of town the next day and we retired to our respective chambers about eleven o'clock in order to go to bed the poor girl paused at this part of her story as if she were ashamed to proceed I hope said I Mr. Ware did not violate the laws of hospitality by intruding on you that night oh madam he did he did I'll wretch hid himself somewhere I know not where for it was not in my closet the housekeeper slept in my room a little tent-bed which had been put up for that purpose but she was not as yet to come upstairs the chambermaid who had attended me to my room told me there was to be a great deal of company to dine with her master the next day and as the housekeeper was very busy making jellies and pastry she was afraid she should sit up late and hoped I should not be disturbed at her coming into the room I always dismissed the maid immediately as I was not used to having a person to undress me I went to bed but not being a very sound sleeper and knowing a particularity I had which was that if once roused I could not compose myself to rest again I resolved not to attempt it at all till the housekeeper came to bed I placed the candle on a stand near me and took up a book that I found on a chair by my bedside which I had been reading in the evening I had been about an hour thus employed when I heard somebody treading softly in the room as I had not heard the door open I called out in a fright to know who was there I received no answer but immediately Mr. Ware presented himself on his knees at my bedside and half leaning on my bed I shrieked out I knew not what he said but I remember the most wicked of men helped me fast and talked a great deal I continued shrieking incessantly and struggling to get loose from him which at last I did by giving a violent spring which threw me out of bed on the floor I had hurt myself sadly by the fall but dragging the quilt off the bed after me I wrapped it about me and shrieked louder than before the vile man tried to pacify me and said I should disturb my father providentially for me my dear father had not gone to bed for his room was a great way from mine but was reading in the study which was over my bed-chamber he had heard my shrieks from the first but little dreaming it was his poor daughter's voice he imagined the noise was in the street and had lifted up the session looked out to try once it was proceeding finding everything quiet without doors he ran downstairs and was led by my cries into my room for my vile persecutor had not locked the door very well knowing none of his own people could dare to molest him and he did not think my cries would have reached my father's ears as indeed they would not if he had gone to bed think madam what my poor father must feel when he saw me on the floor for I was not able to rise such a spectacle of horror my cap was off and my nose bleeding with the fall the wretch was endeavouring to lift me up and I trying to resist him good God defend me said my father what is this I see oh sir said I clinging round him carry me out of the house carry me out directly from this monster my father looked aghast you do not mean Mr. Ware my child said he it cannot be he who has put you into this condition Mr. Ware quitted the room the minute he saw my father which was not till I catched hold of him for he had his back to the door and I suppose was in too much agitation to hear him coming in my poor father speechless with astonishment took me into his arms and put me sitting on the bed then stepping into my closet brought out a bottle of water drink and afterwards washed the blood from my face which he soon found only proceeded from my having hurt my nose a little when I had recovered breath enough I told him all that had passed his despair madam is not to be described he tore his hair and was like a madman where is the ungrateful villain said he I will go this minute and up braid him with his treachery he ran to the chamber door but it was locked on the outside my father thus prevented from going out had time to cool a little he considered it would be to no purpose to reproach a powerful tyrant with the injuries he did us he resolved to quit the inhospitable house as soon as anyone in the family was up to open the door to him and without ever seeing his face again commit himself to providence for his future subsistence it would have been happy for us if he could have executed this design but the profligate man prevented us we spent the remainder of the night in lamenting our misery at daylight Mr. Ware entered the room in his nightgown for I suppose he had gone to rest after he left us he told my father he was sorry for what had passed and imputed it to his having drunk too much I own said he I love your daughter to distraction and could not bear the thoughts of losing her as I found you resolved to go out of town so suddenly my father answered I will not reproach you as I ought but my tender care of your youth did not deserve this return suffer us to depart out of your house and you shall never more be troubled with us Mr. Ware in treated to speak with my father by himself and with much difficulty prevailed on him to go into his study with him they stayed together near half an hour and I heard them talking high my father then entered my room with tears streaming from his eyes I threw myself into a chair in an agony of grief the villain said he has finished his work he has stabbed your father's heart I ran to him almost frantic I thought he had made an attempt upon his life when I found he was not hurt I asked him the meaning of his words he would have me sell you to him said he he would have bribed the father to prostitute his child oh sir said I why do we stay under this detested roof there is no safety for us here said he come my dear let us get out of the house and then we will consider which way we are to turn ourselves my father laid hold of my hand and I followed him just as I was in my morning gown we thought if we could once find ourselves in the street we should be happy though neither of us knew where to go having no acquaintance in London I had never been there before and my father had been so long absent gotten by everybody we got out of my room into a little sort of anti-chamber but found the door of that fast locked we now gave ourselves up for lost our despair is not to be expressed we sat down and consulted what was the best to be done I saw now there was nothing that our base persecutor would not attempt and I told my father I was resolved at all events to my escape he said that the shocking wretch had given him till the next day to consider of his proposal and he hoped by that time both father and daughter would come enough to their senses to think he had made them a very advantageous offer I told him in that lucky interval I hoped to be able to effect my deliverance which I thought I might accomplish with his assistance by tying the sheets of my bed together and so from the window sliding into the street we were both pleased with this expedient but the next thing to be considered was what place I should go to as I could not make this attempt till late at night and must go alone for my father being in years and pretty copulent I could not think of letting him run the same hazard which might have put his life into imminent danger especially as I could not give him the same help which he could afford me this was a difficulty till I recollected a Mantua maker who was then making some clothes for me and I happened to know where she lived to her house I resolved to go having first settled all my previous steps and to remain concealed there till my father should get an opportunity of coming to me I told him as I was the unhappy object on whom Mr. Ware had designs I suppose he would not detain my father after I was gone he shook his head but said he hoped he would not having now settled our little plan we were more composed a servant brought breakfast into my apartment at the usual hour and dinner and supper in the like manner we did not appear troubled but as carefully avoided seeming cheerful for fear of giving suspicion the housekeeper was generally the last person up in the family so that I was either to seize the opportunity before she came up to my room or wait till she was asleep the last I thought the securist method as she was an extremely sound sleeper I lifted up the sash in the bed chamber to be in readiness and closed the shutters again very fortunately my father having received his quarterly payment from Mr. Ware just before we came to town had fifty guineas in his purse half of which he insisted on my taking in case of emergency about twelve o'clock the housekeeper came into the room where we were sitting as she was obliged to pass through that to go to the room where we lay we heard her at the door and my father suddenly changed the subject of our discourse made me a sign which I understood and as the woman entered affected to be representing to me the charms of wealth and grandeur whilst I seemed to listen with a sort of pleasure to him he stopped when the woman came in but not till he was sure she had heard what he said for we observed she stayed at the outside of the door a little while as if to listen to our conversation on seeing us engaged in discourse she made a motion to withdraw saying she would come up again when Mr. Price was retired to rest but I told her she might if she pleased then go to bed as we should not sit up long but as I suppose she had orders to lock me in after my father had left me she did not choose to do this she said she was not sleepy but would come up in half an hour and left the room smiling this was an opportunity which I thought was not to be lost I repaired to the window and hearing a watchman cry the hour I waited till he came under it and having prepared a piece of paper in which I put a weight to carry it down I lighted it and dropped it at his feet it was fastened to a string and at some distance from it above was fastened another large piece of white paper folded up in which I put a guinea and in two lines written in a large plain hand beseeched him to assist me in getting down for which I would reward him with another guinea the lighted paper as I concluded it would attracted the man's notice he stopped and took it up and finding another paper hanging to the string looked up at the window I leaned my body out as far as I could and in a low voice but loud enough for him to hear me bid him read it he opened the paper and by the light of his own lantern read the lines at the same time taking out the guinea which I could perceive he also examined by the same light he then said I'll help you, stay a little he made what haste he could away and I was afraid he intended to leave me and return no more my terror was inexpressible during the man's absence especially as several people in that interval passed by however he soon returned with a companion and the street being now clear I saw he had brought a sort of plank or board under his arm which he fixed from the iron palisades across to the stonework which jutted out from the bottom of the lower windows on this he without difficulty mounted and being now much nearer to me he told me he would receive me if I could contrive to get down to him my poor father hastily kissed and blessed me and having my apparatus ready for descending he had the father precaution to fix some strong ribbons which I had tied together for the purpose under my arms these he held in his hands whilst I slid down by the sheets which I had fastened together cornerways with a knot the trusty watchman caught me in his arms and lifted me over the palisades to his comrade who set me safely down on the street end of section 39