 We have a problem and it's a big one. We all live in a world where tons of people believe stuff and hold opinions and values that we think are just Stupid or even worse evil Do we all just escalate the war until somebody gets seriously hurt or killed? Obviously that's not helpful, but the question remains When people believe in wrong-headed or terrible things How do we actually persuade them to stop believing the bad ideas and get them to start believing in good ones instead? One incredible man named Daryl Davis might have the answer Daryl is the subject of a fantastic documentary called Accidental Courtesy directed by Matt Ornstein For the past 30 years Daryl has been traveling the country as a musician Engaging in conversations and even forming friendships with members of the Ku Klux Klan What is it that compels someone to sit down and talk to their worst enemies instead of fighting? How can you hate me when you don't even know me? Throughout my life. I've been looking for an answer to that So I began seeking out members of the Ku Klux Klan It's a great question and to find out Daryl went on a mission to seek out and engage with high ranking members of the KKK He's invited them into his home. He's had countless conversations and as unlikely as it seems now Considered a number of them to be his friend Tom Rob will tell you that he is not my friend He'll make that very clear to you. I am Tom Rob's friend and I feel that one day he will come around Daryl might say that he's not really even doing anything special besides treating people with respect and kindness. I Guess that's true Yet it's still something almost no one else has the courage to do even when the risks are considerably lower But Daryl's approach has a lot of empirical support from the neuroscientists and psychologists who study persuasion Just like how we know from psychological studies that people's amygdalas The part of the brain that processes raw emotions can actually hijack their rational minds and Create a fight or flight response when they feel threatened or attacked And how we know that presenting facts or arguments that directly conflict with people's core beliefs or Identities can actually backfire causing people to cling to those beliefs more tightly after they've been presented with contrary evidence We also know a lot about how to talk to people in ways that are actually persuasive In Robert Chaldini's book Influence he describes what he calls the principles of persuasion one of these principles is called reciprocity and It's based on the idea that people feel obliged to treat you the way you treat them So if you treat them with kindness and humility Most people will offer you the same courtesy On the other hand if you treat them with contempt Well, what do you think? While I don't support Any race racist agenda or supremacy agenda whether it's black supremacy or white supremacy or whatnot I do support their right and their freedom of Speech and their right to express their views and in doing so guess what they reciprocated Another principle Chaldini describes is the idea of liking It's almost too obvious But it turns out that if someone likes you personally and believes that you like them It's easier to convince them that your way of thinking is worth considering One easy step towards being liked is to listen to others and find common ground through shared interests This can be a bridge or a shortcut to getting other people to see you as a friend Or even better as part of their tribe Now you might think somebody like Darryl Davis would have nothing in common with a KKK member, but That's not true. If you spend Five minutes just five minutes with with your arch enemy You will find that you have something in common with them or her and if you spend 10 minutes you'll find you have something else in common and The more you find in common and you build upon what you have in common The things that you have in contrast like skin color begin to matter less and less Over time forming relationships with members of the Klan has had an interesting side effect in the last couple decades Over 200 of America's most ardent white supremacists have hung up their robes and hoods for good Many of those robes now hang in Darryl's closet And in a lot of cases these individual conversions have much bigger consequences and may end multi-generational cycles of bigotry My name is Aaron and I'm 12 So, what do you think about your parents belonging to these organizations? I think it's fine. Why sweetie? Well, I mean they're allowed to like their race. They're allowed to be proud of who they are too Are you going to be a member of the group also? Yes So now both daughters are in the Klan And their father he got sentenced to 10 years in a federal prison. So I thought you know what I'm gonna call Tina the mother I flew with them to Chicago and drove them out to to Marion, Illinois to the federal penitentiary Their father was in prison so they could visit him And nobody in the Klan had ever done that for them before And so they had a turnaround Well, my little girl came a long way, you know, no thanks to her father and I. We really did our best to destroy our kids Me and my husband Harley would like to extend our best wishes to the city of Rockwell, Maryland As you celebrate the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Lieber King Neither me nor my family are members or are affiliated with the two clubs plan anymore We live in a time when a lot of people are saying that the only answer to hate and awful ideas Is to meet them with even more hate more anger outrage And even violence Recently Dan Harmon creator of rick and morty community and one of my favorite comic books ever Even said that the time for talking was over We have sat we have talked we have argued we have pondered the discourse is over but I disagree Most of human history is filled with people allowing their arguments to turn into bloody horrific warfare It's only the commitment to dealing with our adversaries peacefully through free speech and conversation That has allowed us to become more civilized I did not respect what he had to say. I respected his right to say it And if these techniques can work to convince diehard white supremacists that somebody like Daryl Davis is worthy of respect Imagine how effective they can be with your friends neighbors and co-workers who don't actually hate you or the things you stand for Who knows if you have more genuine conversations with people outside your bubble You might even find yourself changing a little bit for the better as well The way to deal with wrong or Evil ideas isn't shouting them down or starting a fight It's having the courage to do what Daryl did And making a friend Out of an enemy Hey everybody, thanks for watching this very special episode of out of frame If you have an idea for a video you'd like to see me make in the future Let me know what you think in the comments and if you want to see more video essays like this Hit that subscribe button and check us out as at fee online on all the social media