 Kraft presents the Great Gilder Sleeve. The Kraft Cheese Company will also bring you Bing Crosby every Thursday night. Present each week at this time Harold Perry as the Great Gilder Sleeve, written by John Whedon and Sam Moore. The Great Gilder Sleeve in just a moment. But first, have you homemakers learned how to stretch red ration stamps? Well, it's an art in itself. But a simple one, if you use products like Pabstead, they delicious, nourishing cheese food. For Pabstead is inexpensive. It costs only a few cents and just three red ration points per package. And it's a wonderfully good tasting extender for a host of plain but satisfying foods. One good example of the way Pabstead turns an ordinary dish into a real family treat is macaroni with Pabstead. Or serve it melted into a smooth cheese sauce with leftovers of meat or fish or vegetables. And see how that unique cheddar cheese flavor satisfies family appetites. Yes, Pabstead melts and toasts and slices in a variety of tempting ways. And every way you serve it, you're helping to supply many milk nutrients your family needs. Milk protein, milk minerals, food energy, vitamin A and vitamin G that's also called riboflavin. Ask your dealer for Pabstead, the delicious, highly-adjustable cheese food. Pabstead is an economical red stamp value. Now for the Great Gilder Sleeve. Gilder Sleeve has a problem and the problem is his nephew Leroy. There have been signs of trouble, a certain lack of respect at times, complaints now and then from the neighbors, and then suddenly the time has come to face it. Look here, Gilder Sleeve, this time I caught him. Out! Hooker, I thought I told you never to darken my door. I didn't come here to darken your door, Gilder Sleeve. I've come here as a representative of the law. Oh my God, I didn't mean to do it. Piggy dared me. Unhand the boy, Hooker. He's my nephew and I'll handle this. I'll see that you do, because the law has ways of dealing with vandalism, you know. Vandalism? It was nothing but a boy's prank. Yeah, yeah, that's right. It was just a boy's prank. Quiet, you. In my opinion, Gilder Sleeve, you're nurturing a first-class case of juvenile delinquency there. Yeah, that's all it was, just juvenile delinquency. Quiet, you. And it's no wonder anybody who goes tearing around the way you do, backing into people and smashing their cars. That's neither here nor there, and I did not back into you. And don't try to take it out on the boy. I'll pay for the broken window, Hooker. When it comes to the care and feeding of children, I don't need any advice from you. You owe me a bumper. You owe me a fender. Good day. That's tell a monk boy you certainly told him. Young man, come into my study. Then? Close the door. You know what happens to boys who go around destroying property? Do you? Yes, sir. I mean no, sir. They start out with little things like this, and they go from bad to worse. They start hanging around drugstores. They fall into bad company. The first thing you know, they're smoking cigarettes. Oh, I wouldn't ever smoke, Uncle. I hope not. But that's only the beginning. Piggy tried to get me two once, but I wouldn't. I told him it wouldn't be right. I'm glad to hear it, because once you... Smoking's bad for you. It stunts your growth. That's right. It's very bad. Then why do you smoke, Uncle? We're not talking about me, Leroy. We're talking about you. Yes, sir. I'm trying to impress upon you, Leroy, the seriousness of what you've done. A broken window may seem a small thing in itself, but it could be the first step in a life of crime. You're right, Uncle. I'm sorry. I'll try to do better. Well, I certainly hope you will, my boy. Hey, guess I'm just no good. Oh, well, I guess we're both a little de-blame. That's right. You don't have to agree with me. I realize now I haven't spent as much time with you as perhaps I should. You know, I think we ought to try to get to understand each other a little bit, Leroy, don't you? How do you mean, Uncle? Well, I mean, do things together, read things together, go places together. Go where? Well, I don't know. You might go on hikes together. Do you mean it? Would you like that? Can Piggy go? Piggy? Well, I guess so, if it's all right with his mother. Oh, boy, where do I tell it? Wait a minute. I didn't say right this minute. I got one! I guess we're going on a hike. Thanks, Mr. Gilsey. Six? Let me see. There's Leroy and Piggy and myself. Yes, sir. One egg for each of the boys and four for you. Oh, that's how it goes, huh? Well, I guess that's all right. Can we start now, Uncle? Yes. Oh, boy, come on, Piggy. Yeah, wait a minute. There's one thing that must be understood clearly before we leave. Leroy? Yes, sir. Piggy? Yes, Mr. Gilness Lee? We're going on this hike as if we were all in the Army. Did you read a G? Don't be smart, young man, and don't you encourage him, Piggy. We're going to run this hike along military lines. And I'm going to be the commanding officer. You boys are the men in my squad. Now tell me, Piggy, what's the first thing a man learns in the Army? How to make his bed. No, no. Leroy, what's the first thing a man learns in the Army? How to... Then this hike can stop right here. Oh, gee, Uncle, please. I'm sorry. Well, all right. The first thing you learn in the Army is to obey orders. When I give an order on this hike, I want it obeyed. And I want it obeyed promptly without an argument. Is that clear? Yes, Mr. Gilness Lee. I get it. All right, then we can start. Oh, well, for heaven's sake. We're just going off for a little hike, trying to get Leroy interested in nature. My sister's little boy, Michael, is with me for the day. And I know he just loved to go on the hike with you. Wouldn't you, Michael? I'm perfectly willing to go out, Leroy, if you think best. Oh, for corn's sake. Leroy? Well, we'd be glad to take Michael, Leroy, but don't you think he's a little young for a long hike? We're going up to Shroom Point, and that's quite a long way. Yeah, it's a heck of a long ways, Mrs. Ransom. I almost get tired of myself going there. Oh, boy, me too. Oh, well, I won't worry about that. I'm sure you boys will be able to figure out some way to take care of little Michael if he gets too worn out. Can't you, Throck Martin? Well, I knew it. Now, you boys just go on and hike your heads off, you hear? Michael, be sure and have a nice time and don't strain yourself, and don't forget to thank Mr. Gilness Lee and the boys when you get home. Goodbye, everybody. Bye, Leroy. Bye, Leroy. Bye, Leroy, Ransom. I'll stop for a minute and give some of our soldiers a chance to rest. I imagine you're a little tired, aren't you, Piggy? I should say no, Mr. Gilness Lee. I'm as fresh as a daisy. A daisy? Well, I'm sure the other boys are tired. The way we've been tearing along. Leroy, I was hoping you older boys would be more thoughtful and give little Michael a chance to get his breath. Oh, don't be ridiculous, Mr. Gilness Lee. I'm not a bit winded. You see, Aunt, we don't have to stop now. Nobody's tired. Nevertheless, as your commanding officer, I order a halt. If you're all tired, only you don't realize it. What? Possibly this would be a good time to have lunch, too. Lunch now, Mr. Gilness Lee? So it is. I would have guessed around 1.30. But there's an old saying, an army travels on its stomach. That's what we got to do. I'd like to watch you. Never mind. Lunch, it has a brook. A brook? Oh, that sounds nice. Is that what you other boys would like, too? Oh, boy, may for the brook. How far is it to the brook? About two miles. Too far ahead of me. I'm responsible for your safety, you know. We can't help it. My feet are bothering me. Another thing, Leroy, we've gone a lot more than two miles than I haven't seen anything that looks like a brook. We'll be there soon, Aunt. Well, I can't wait. I mean, I'm worried about little Michael. Yeah, we better stop here and eat. Oh. Leroy, that's an order. I would sit right down here in this rock and divide up the... Oh, my goodness. What's the matter, Aunt? You didn't lose the basket, small boy. If you like... Piggy, I just remembered, there are four of us and Birdie fixed lunch for three. Gosh. And... Awkward. What are we going to do? Well, I don't like to say anything, Aunt, but he's your fiancé. Be our cousin, Leroy. And we'll all share and share like. Who doesn't like ham? Who doesn't like jelly? Is there anybody here who doesn't like hard-boiled eggs? Listen, I'm hungry, and all of you put together. What can we do about it? Yeah, get something to eat. There is? How far is it, Leroy? Only about half a mile. Half a mile? Who... Besides, we... we haven't had any nature study on this whole hike. Yes, we'll have it now. Nature study. Oh, it's very valuable for any boy. Now, for instance, this tree we're sitting under. I doubt if any of you boys know what it is. Oh! Yeah, oh. Let's see. That one over there. Mate! You sure it isn't an elm? Oh, no, Mr. Gilderslieb. The elm is unmistakable on account of its serrated leaves. Yes, serrated? Oh! Where did you learn that, Michael? Nature study at Camp last summer. Oh! Well, that takes care of the botany. Let me see now. There must be some more nature around here someplace. Is that? By George it is. What is it, Uncle? One of nature's masterpieces, boys. An Orioles nest. Where? Right there. That long gray thing. He has to stand on his head to make it. Are you sure that's an Orioles nest, Mr. Gilderslieb? It looks like Vespus crepitans to me. Nonsense, my boy. I'll show you the little baby Orioles if you're all be quiet now. Now, if I grab this branch... I'll jump. So you won't scare the itty-bitty birdies. Can't seem to find the opening in this nest. I'm sure that's a Vespus crepitans, Mr. Gilderslieb. Do you know what that is? Of course I do. And this is nothing like it, Michael. I'll show you. Hey, what the dickens is a Vespus crepitans? A hornet! Mr. Gilderslieb will be with us again in a few seconds. Meanwhile, perhaps you remember the advice in the old saying, waste not, want not. It certainly applies these days. And that's the reason, I suppose, that so many smart homemakers are economizing with red ration points and cash by planning menus ahead and are so ingeniously putting every bit of food to work so that nothing is wasted. One especially useful trick of practical magic that'll make leftovers really sing is to combine them with Pabsteth, the delicious golden cheese food. For Pabsteth melts and toasts and slices to perfection, and the whole family will go for its grand cheddar cheese flavor. What's more, Pabsteth is a fine source of valuable milk nutrients, and it's highly digestible. Of importance too, it costs only a few cents per package and just three red ration points. Now, your dealer may not have Pabsteth the very first time you ask for it because so much dairy food is going to war, but everything is being done to keep the dealer supplied. So watch for Pabsteth. P-A-B-S-T-E-T-T. Pabsteth, the delicious nourishing cheese food. Let's get back to the great gilder sleeve or what's left of him. He's had a good supper and we find him now entering his den, his shoes and his hand, preparing to relax on the couch. But what's this he sees? Leroy, Leroy. What's the matter, Ron? This junk, young man. I believe I've mentioned before that I do not like to find these count-founded little comic books all over my den. Hey, don't throw those away. They're valuable. Don't be silly. They're nothing but trash. No, they're not, Ron. You ought to read one. I've got no time for such stuff. Oh, be fair, Ron. I did what you wanted to do. I went on a hike. Oh, thanks very much. My feet are killing me right now. Well, I suppose I should be open-minded, Leroy. And what's this one here? Is this a good one? Captain Wonder Man. Here's it. He's so good, he's on the radio every night. In about five minutes he'll be on. Never mind. Now, what's it about? Oh, gee, young, this is the best comic there is. Captain Wonder Man is the strongest man in the world. He has secret muscles. Here, here. Look at the story of Captain Wonder Man on the Nazi saboteurs. Where does it begin? Well, here. You see, this kid, Jackie Crumb, is a news boy and all of a sudden, the Nazi spy grabs him. Dr. von Denk. Why? Well, because he thinks Jackie knows something about Captain Wonder Man. Well, does he? Does he? Jackie Crumb is Captain Wonder Man. Yes, yes. You begin to like it now, Uncle? Not yet. Aw, you will. But that's a secret about Jackie being Wonder Man. Nobody knows it, but bona fide members of the club. What club? The Captain Wonder Man Club. He's in ten cents and... Never mind. I don't have to join the club. What happened to the news boy? Well, as soon as he's tied up, he's helpless, unless he changes himself to Captain Wonder Man. How does he do that? That's another secret. Nobody knows what the club members. How many members are there? Twenty million. None of them would tell? Oh, no. You have to send ten cents. No, I'll join no club. Well, then I'll tell you. Jackie says the mystic word... Allagazam. Allagazam? Allagazam. And then he becomes the strongest man in the world. I see him. Why does he wear a cape? The members know. They send ten cents. Never mind the ten cents. Leroy, I forbid you to read any more of this junk. And if I finally have it lying around, I'll burn it. Gosh, don't you want me to learn to read? Not in order to read drivel about muscle-bound men with capes. And get away from that radio. Learn to read from something good, Leroy. Here, I'll find you something up here. The makers of toasted popsies present Captain Wonder Man. Leroy? Off I say. I told you, young man, I'm trying to find something decent for you to read. Captain Wonder Man. I'll be quiet for a minute. Okay. Looking for something, I'll come over. Yes, I'm looking for a book. What one? I don't know. A good book. Looking for something to read, Leroy. Well, here's David Copperfield. No, I tried to read that. Oh, here's a wonderful book. I've always just loved this one. What is it? Little Women. Is she a kid? Don't sneer at Little Women, my boy. My mother read it to me when I was younger than you are. It's a wonderful book. I love it. I just love it. I've read it so many times, I almost know it by heart. Please, Uncle Mort, read us Little Women. Oh, why don't you read it, my dear? I'm tired. I'll just stretch out here on the couch while you read, huh? Well, if you want me to. I'll make yourself comfortable, Leroy, because I want you to sit still and listen to this. Okay. Well, there's no use really starting it tonight, so I'd just like to read you my favorite part. You mind? No, go ahead, my dear. It's where Beth dies. You see, it's about all these sisters, Leroy, and one is Joe. She's sort of a town boy. That's the one I always wanted to be. And then there's Beth. She isn't very strong. Well, I'll read it to you. All right. The pleasantest room in the house was set apart for Beth, and then it was gathered everything that she most loved, flowers, pictures, her piano, the little work table, and the beloved kittens. Father's best books found their way there, Mother's Easy Chair, Joe's Desk, Amy's Fine Sketches. And every day Meg brought her babies on a loving pilgrimage to make sunshine for Auntie Beth. John quietly set apart a little sum that he might enjoy the pleasure of keeping the envelop supplied with the fruit she loved and longed for. Old Hannah never worried of concocting dainty dishes to tempt her capricious appetite, dropping tears as she worked. And from across the sea came little gifts and cheerful letters, seeming to bring breath of warmth and fragrance from lands that knew no winter. Here cherished like a household sainton at Shrine, sat Beth, tranquil and busy as ever. But nothing could change the sweet, unselfish nature. And even while preparing to leave life, she tried to make it happier for those who should remain behind. Marge. It always gets me. Oh, here, give it to me, my dear. I'll go on with it. Where are we now? Oh, yes. Joe never left her for an hour since Beth had said, I feel stronger when you hear. She slept on a couch in the room, waking often to renew the fire, to feed, lift, or wait upon the patient creature who seldom asked for anything and tried not to be in trouble. Often when she woke, Joe found Beth reading in her well-worn little book, heard her singing softly, and beguiled a sleepless night. Or saw her lean her face upon her hands, while slow tears dropped through her transparent fingers. Aunt, what's the matter? But it's so sadly right. I think if you don't mind, I'll go for a little walk. Walk? Yes. I need the exercise. Just about to close out there. How are you today? On my last legs, P.D., anything you can recommend for sore feet? Sore feet? You've been having a little trouble? Yes. Kids walk me away out to Shroon Point and back, and my feet are killing me. I'd like to know what's good for them. Mr. Gilger, Steve, have you... tried sitting down? P.D., this is no joke. I believe I have got a preparation here. Pretty good, too. I often use it myself after a hard day. So does Mrs. P.D. Well, let's have a look at it. Just a minute. I can get my other glasses on here. Oh, yes. It goes under the name of Cogan's Footbomb. Nice for the feet. It says here, prepare a tub of hot water pouring contents of bottles and so on and so on. Would you mind if I looked at it? Immersed aching members. You stick your feet in it. Bottle cells for 15 cents. You say you've tried this thing yourself. Oh, yes. So has Mrs. P.D. In fact, we sometimes spend an evening that way. In the same tub? Well, we use the wash baller. It works out nicely, too. We pull up two chairs and she sits at one end and I tell her that. Well, sounds very clubby. Sometimes we even work in a game of Chinese checkers. Oh, you could have a nice game of footy-footy there, too. Well, I'll take a chance on the stuff, P.V. Well, you're not taking no chances, Mr. Gillespie. They're not exaggerating when they say on the bottle that this bomb is the key to true foot joy. One treatment for this and you'll come out feeling like a regular Captain Wonder Man. Captain Wonder Man. Don't tell me you waste your time on those comics. Well, I guess I carry as complete a stock of them as anybody in town. So this is where they come from. P.V., you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Well, I wouldn't say that. If you ask me, there are a lot of trash. There's absolutely nothing in them. Well, I wouldn't say that either. Have you ever looked at one carefully? No, but I hear all I want to from Leroy about them. Well, it's just possible that Leroy has overlooked something. Have you ever examined the young ladies in these drawings? The young ladies? I'll show you. I usually happen to have a copy under the counter here. On page 13, you will find this tasty item. There. Quite a... Don't you think so? Well, I'm beginning to see your point. Laura, her name is. Lady Laura. That's Captain Wonder Man's lady friend. You'll find others, too. You ought to take a copy along. No, no, P.V., I'm really not interested. I've got to be getting along with this thing. Dog tired. Gotta get home and get some sleep. Well, good night, Mr. Gilbert. Good night, P.V. Alakazam. Alakazam. Let's leave. I've got the wash ball already. You fixing to get in hot water again? Very good, Bertie. Uncle Mort, you're not starting anything now. It's that time. Don't you worry about me. Just take my shoes off and soak my tutsies for a while. I guess I'll go along then, if you don't mind. Good night. Good night, my dear. Good night, Bertie. Good night, Mr. Gilbert. Let's see now. Water seems about right. Well, we'll put P.V.'s magic potion in it now. And I'll pull up a chair. Nice and comfy. Hi, George. I haven't gone waiting since I was a kid. Nice and warm and relaxing. I don't know if I can hold out, though. Hope P.V. was right. Alakazam. Alakazam. I'm conducting an experiment which, if successful, will bring to naught all the plans of the Axis. But Captain Gildersleeve, it's Lady Lauren. Dr. Von Hooker. There's not a moment to lose. Only a moment to free her. There, strongest mortal on earth. With my X-ray nose, I smell an old goat. Von Hooker. I have you surrounded. There's a machine gun in every nook and cranny. I have no fear. I've got not a worse scrape than this, though. I can't remember when. I should count ten. One. All I have to do is say the magic word. Two. Two for goodness' sake, say it. Three. Skillabooch. I don't know. I can't remember. A junior? Where is that boy? Five. I can't remember the word. Six. How can I think with him standing there counting? Rasmutaz. No, no, no. We'll have to run for it, Laura. This is Ken Carpenter speaking for the Kraft Cheese Company and inviting you to listen in again next week for the further adventures of the Great Gildersleeve. I guess you'll agree that it's not only smart to be thrifty these wartime days, but it's absolutely necessary if you want to keep your two food budgets under control. That's a mighty good reason why you should know about Parquet, the quality margarine made by Kraft. For Parquet margarine costs a little cash and just five red ration points per pound. But economy is only one reason why Parquet is popular the country over. People everywhere like its delicate appetizing flavor for many uses. You see, Parquet is a grand-tasting spread for bread and a delicious seasoning for hot vegetables. It's a real flavor shortening for baking and just about perfect for pan frying. Parquet is a real energy food, too, and contains vitamin A. If your dealer doesn't have it the first time you ask, it's due to wartime shortages and the fact that Parquet's popularity is growing very fast. But Kraft is doing everything possible to keep dealers supplied. So watch for Parquet P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine made by Kraft.