 Well today, I'm gonna bum out you husbands now We're gonna we're gonna spend time in the word looking at the role of the Christian husband and as mentioned a moment ago I'm actually going to use two very basic passages that we find in the New Testament though I allude to other scriptures from the old but I'll be looking at two passages first Peter 3 7 I'm gonna look at that and Try to develop some practical aspects of being a Christian husband out of Ephesians chapter 5 Versus 25 to verse 33 and so what I normally do is I will lay a Foundation then I go into some practical application. So let's begin reading together Ephesians 5 25 through 33 and then I'll lay a foundation and We'll look at some things out of 1st Peter 3 7 and I will return to Ephesians 5 so let me begin reading at verse 25 in Ephesians 5 I'll read to verse 33 and we'll get into our study The Apostle Paul writes husbands love your wives Just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her Then he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word that he might present her to himself a Glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing But that she should be holy and without blemish so husbands ought to love their own wives as Their own bodies he who loves his wife loves himself For no one ever hated his own flesh But nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church for we are members of his body of his flesh and of his bones For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother Be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church Nevertheless let each one of you in particular So love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband so we're gonna be looking this morning at the topic of Christian husbands and When you begin right from from the start we need to know that there are some men who seem to be more prepared for marriage than others a Woman once said I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage They've experienced pain and have bought jewelry and so there are some men Apparently who are more prepared to get married As we look at this topic we need to know that God designed marriage and God designed marriage in such a way For the husbands to enact a leadership role in the home and in the marriage and the role finds its origin Not in some man's invention to enslave women But rather it's intended to ensure order in a home in first Corinthians 11 3 Paul had said I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ the head of woman is man and The head of Christ is God So it's intended by God to be led by men But though intended by God for men to lead some husbands have a difficult time doing so and there are various reasons that you'll see There are there are some wives for example who simply refuse to be led because they consider themselves to be more capable There are some wives who have been leading for so long that by yielding their power Well, they don't want to do that because yielding their power would be much too difficult That does create tension, especially when the husband wants to to lead Sometimes in frustration the husband might try to force his leadership on the wife And that doesn't do any good at all just creates tension. There are some husbands who don't know how to lead They didn't get trained to lead properly They had no father or perhaps had improper leadership role models And so they really don't know about leading in home a home And there are husbands who are afraid sometimes to take the lead because they're afraid to fail They may be afraid to fail so they don't want to try or they may be concerned about the struggles that leadership Requires because leading the wife and leading the home isn't the easiest thing to do There are more than a few men who just don't want to make decisions and thus they leave the Decision making up to the wife. It's more comfortable for them to do that. They think why rock the boat? Well, I remember a man who said I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her So they don't want to rock the boat It remains that God is vested in men the responsibility of leadership in the home And that's something that God holds us as husbands Accountable for in in the New Testament book of 1st Timothy chapter 5 verse 8 Paul said if anyone does not provide for his relatives and especially for his immediate family He has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever So as is true in all biblical leadership It's a position that is maintained through love and that's seen in other passages relating to husband and wife Relationships I mentioned 1st Peter chapter 3 verse 7 in that in that verse Peter gives instructions to Christian husbands And this is what he writes. He says husbands likewise Dwell with them. Dwell with your wife with understanding giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life That your prayers may not be hindered So he gives some very basic instructions to husbands He first begins by instructing them to dwell with their wives that word dwell is a Greek word That means to intimately co-habit with them Dwelling speaks of living with your wife in such a way as it causes her to know that you enjoy you enjoy being with her We need to as husbands make sure that we know the difference between a house and a home I was in maybe third grade and our teacher asked the question of class our teacher asked the question What is the difference between a house and a home? Well, I'm a little boy. I have no clue about definitions of house and home for me They were basically the same so I had no opinion on that But I'll never forget a little girl in the class who's who answered the question in this way She said a house is where people live a home is where a family lives and I think that was a very good definition and I've I've kept that in the back of my mind all of these Years and husbands need to know the difference between a house and a home So as a husband, we need to refuse to turn our home into a motel We need to refuse turning it into a shop or an off-site work office We need to dwell in that home. We need to make it into a home intimately co-habit in that home Now we also need to dwell with our wives with he says Understanding when he says dwell with them with understanding. We need to get to know her like like when you were first dating You take an active interest in your wife You take an active interest in her in her life. You try to Understand her that's that can be a task There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman before marriage and after marriage I mean it takes a lot of work to get to understand one another and yet when you observe When you are actually making the home into a home when you're taking an active interest Then you begin to learn the things that are pleasing to her and the things that are not pleasing to her And you begin to make adjustments and and you begin to to yield parts of yourself up So that so the things that make her happy that are proper in the Lord are things that you find a joy in doing And that's what we do as husbands. We begin to dwell with them with Understanding we listen to her when she speaks we hear the things that she likes we hear the things that she doesn't like We learn those things her friends. We learn her history. We learn about her family We learn about all of those things while we're dating we should be interested and we should continue that After we get married. It's something that you don't ever really learn completely. It's something that's an ongoing thing So when you do out with them according to knowledge, you're taking an active interest in her So we make that effort to know her personal needs We make that effort to know what's going on in the home. We learn to be considerate towards her We take a genuine interest in her. I make her the focus of my studies And what's a good thing about that is when I do that kind of thing? She knows she's valued and I'm actually securing my home against predators I'm securing her and I'm securing her love. You see I Make sure that I have no interest outside of the home that will take me away from her I don't allow intrusions that diminish her importance To me I am very careful to restrict outside distractions and and to concentrate more on her And and what it is that goes into making the two of us one Distractions that that take from the marriage instead of building it up are left outside So that means hobbies and work outside activities that eliminate her should be kept at a minimum You know before Marie and I got married I played a lot of softball That was a that was a sport that I enjoyed the most and and well We were dating I was still playing on on three different teams a week, you know I played a lot of softball I played softball in the military and played a lot of baseball prior to that So for me the sport of choice that I enjoyed the most was playing softball So I played it a lot and Marie when she was dating me would come to softball games And even after we we we married I still played for a number of years on softball teams And she would come and I can still remember a guy that used to play on one of the teams I was on it was a church team I was the assistant pastor at that time and he was playing on this on the church team and and He played a lot of softball and all in one day his wife walked up to me And she said you know the only time I ever see my husband is when I come to the softball games Because he's in a lot on a lot of teams and he plays all the time And I said your husband plays a lot of softball She says yeah the time that I will see him and and our kids see my husband is when I come to the games And and even at that time this is many years ago. I thought that's a bad thing That's not that's not gonna be good and and all but I kind of put that away and never really approached it until Years later here at this fellowship That that same man walks up to me and he says to me do you remember me and I'm looking at him And it'd been a number of years and I Said I I do I didn't we play softball together. He goes. Yeah, I said how are you? He says my wife divorced me and I'll never forget that when she had told me That the only time she ever saw him was when she took the kids to watch him play ball And so be very careful husbands that you don't have things that take your interests away from your home Make sure that you don't dwell with your wife according to knowledge Make sure that you take an active interest in her in her life Make sure that you remain faithful Don't allow anything to take you away Don't allow intrusions to diminish her importance restrict those things as a Christian husband I want my wife to be blessed by the Lord and by restricting distractions I can concentrate on developing a good relationship with her you see if we're going to make it to the end We need to walk in the same direction So that means that we'll have many opportunities to get to know one in over over a lifetime a Amos in chapter 3 verse 3 asks the question can two walk together then he goes on to say unless they are Agreed so make sure that you spend time observing and caring for your wife Peter also instructs husbands to give honor to the wife That means to assign dignity and the way you assign dignity to whereas you it's the way you treat her It's how you speak to her It's how you speak of her especially in front of other people a signing honor speaks of lifting her up instead of running her down The way I speak to my wife encourages or diminishes her personal value So we should tell her things that she she should hear we should tell her how much we love her We should tell her how beautiful she is to us and we should tell her how much We value her I'll be honest with you That's not something I was especially good at when we first got married That wasn't even something that I was good at when we were dating I mean saying I love you that wasn't something I was comfortable with people who come to this church now Know that I'm real open about my feelings and all about my wife But but you don't know is that I wasn't like that always you can learn to open up You can learn to speak these things It wasn't something that I did naturally or easily it wasn't something I Felt comfortable doing for whatever reason I can still remember when I was dating Marie. I can still remember I didn't say I love you. I mean I didn't even hold her hand for five months I I mean I just was like one of these hands-off kinds of guys and I wasn't verbal or anything like that and and All and I can still remember when I started thinking I care about this woman I I actually am developing a lover, but I I didn't I didn't really Want to say it so one day I asked her I said to her Marie I said let me ask you a question and she said okay. I said Do you love me? She looks at me Yes, I do And I said oh And then she says do you love me I really did I just looked at I go I don't know I Don't know. I you want to get worse. Okay. I'll get worse I Asked her one day true story. I asked her one day Marie If I were to ask you to marry me Would you? She said yes, I would I Said good if I ever asked you I now know the answer I Wasn't asking her. I was just curious. I mean this See so I had You can hate me it's but it's true. I mean I So guys I'm talking to the men women tune out for a minute fellas You know sometimes Because I'm an open-hearted man Sometimes people think I've always been Now it's easy for you to do Pastor David. No, it's not It never has been it was something I died to it's something I learned to do It's something I asked God to help me with Because I I'm not By nature meaning my old nature a real effusive Open. I'm not that way. That isn't me. I Had to discover by observing my wife dwelling with her according to knowledge That she's not an insecure woman and she's not less It just blesses her to know the man. She has given her life to Loves her and I had to learn that I had to learn that when we would we would go even to this day When we would go and she she she is gonna go into a shop to buy something. I'll be honest with you I mean at the beginning it was much more open, but we'd go and I'd I felt like I was in purgatory I'd have to go into a dress shop or whatever and it's that's uncomfortable And I'm just sitting there on the timeout seat with all the other husbands like hey guys Let's make a break. You know we can make it we can get out of here They don't know where we're at but I would sit there You know and she'd come out and she'd have something on and she would say What do you think and I would and this is the truth? I mean early days some of you know what I'm saying She said what do you think and I'd say what does it matter? I said, I'm not wearing that You are I might once in a while when you're not home, but no, I I'm not I'm not wearing that and I mean I'm just kind of like open and I say I don't wear Do you like it? It's not to me if you and I'd say look at when I go buy some jeans I don't put them on and walk around, you know, they're jeans, you know, you put them on you wear them That's the way it works. Why are you asking me these things? And it took a long time for the Holy Spirit to finally break through and say to me It's because she's buying that not for herself because she wants to please you because she wants to please you and I go bingo Never got it. Then I learned if I say the first thing that she puts on is great I don't have to sit there any longer. I'm out learn from an old man Learn from the master But I had to discover these things and so are you you know, there are things that may not matter to you They just it just isn't important to you But these are things that are important to her and so I I learned these things and I'm learning these things I want her to know how love she is and therefore I've learned to say I love you I've learned to say now I already did and I've I had that sense But I learned to vocalize that the verbalize that I learned to say to my wife I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world I I've learned to tell her every day every day how much I appreciate her and one former another Why because I do feel these things and I know that she is blessed when she hears them and what I'm doing is I'm lifting her up. I'm assigning honor to her. I'm I'm showing her that she is loved I speak of her in a certain way and I encourage you. I don't want to diminish her and therefore I say these things Now notice also in the verse that I read to you that the apostle Peter Refers to her as a weaker vessel that doesn't speak of Inferiority it speaks of the obvious physical differences and he's basically simply saying something we'll see in a moment With Paul when Paul speaks of cherishing and nourishing he's saying treat her gently Don't verbally or physically bully her don't abuse her Remember that some wives come from homes where verbal or physical abuse was common so remember that and treat her with tenderness Love her treat her like a lady Treat her as if she's the most important person in your life Treat her lovingly and be careful not to throw past sins into her face Remember you can get upset and before you know what you're saying things you ought not to say Be aware of that because your words can be reckless and Proverbs 12 18 says Reckless words pairs like a sword but the tongue of the wise brings healing We need to understand as a husband that we are a sinner just like our wives We're both saved by grace and we need to realize that we are one and as a team We're gonna stand together or we're gonna fall together and as such I have an awareness that my wife is actually the truest expression of real ministry She's the greatest reflection and open expression of my walk with the Lord My father taught me and and again my father never lectured me I I have to say it this way my dad wasn't the man who sat the son down and said son I have these things to instruct you and my dad didn't do that But my dad taught me by his example and I would watch my father as sons do And I watched the way that my father was with my mom I Noted that as a young boy growing into a young man I I never saw my father ever look at another woman in an inappropriate way never I never saw my father Allow another woman outside of family members ever get close to him No friends of our family ever hugged my father My father never allowed them to kiss him even a kiss of greeting on the cheek My dad wasn't that way my dad was a one woman man I never had any sense in my life that my father was ever untrue to my mom I knew from the time I was young until my father went home to be with the Lord that my father loved my mother With ever beat of his heart as a matter of fact the last time I know of his prayer life And I've said this before but the last prayer that I know my father ever prayed was when he had a heart attack that that took His life he that was his ticket to heaven and when he had that heart attack And I went to his house because my mom called me actually to the hospital My mom had called and said your dad had a heart attack David can you come to the hospital and Marie and I went to the hospital? I can still remember when I walked in my mom said daddy had a heart attack and And you know what he did and I said what my mom said he prayed and I said really and she said do you know what he prayed? And I said no and my lab my dad's last prayer that I know was father take care of my wife That was my dad So there was only one woman in his life So he never lectured me about that one of the last things my father ever said to me that I can remember prior to his heart Attack was when he was just visiting with me one day and he said this I'll never forget this He said David your wife. You've got a good woman and when my father said something like that That was the top that was that was the best thing that he could say and he said that about my wife But I still remember that as he looked at me and he said David you've got a good woman You see when I was a young man Marie and I and my mom and dad were going someplace We stopped at a store for a moment We went into the store my dad was purchasing something. I was standing with him And there was a man in his wife standing right in front of us And when they rang him up the guy pulled his wallet out and he paid and they put his his groceries in a bag And I'm standing right behind him. He was an older guy close my dad's age, and I'm standing behind this guy when the guy pays and the wife gathers up the groceries and she walks out carrying them while he walks in front of her and I'm watching him do that and then we went out right behind him and He's walking down the street and the woman's about two or three paces behind him carrying the bags of groceries The bag of groceries and I'm looking at him And I'm looking at this woman carrying the groceries and I turn to my dad and I say to my dad dad I want to thank you and my father says for what I said for never treating my mother like that man's treating that woman For never treating my mother like that. Thank you See my father knew that this was the only love of his life My father met my mom when he was 20 years old at a dance My mother was a light-skinned Mexican woman very light-skinned and the story goes that my dad was checking her out My dad was 20 and she was 17 and my dad was checking her out and in Spanish He was speaking to his friends about hey look at her And so he's talking like that my mom walks up and speaks Spanish to him and busts him and that's how they met And he goes oh you speak Spanish. He goes why wouldn't I you know moon and that's how it began My dad couldn't dance. He went to a dance to pick up chicks and my mom was a dancer and I can still remember family get-togethers where my dad would stand just doing left right left right that kind of thing and My mom would dance circles around him and he would just go like this. I Can still remember that you know, but that was their love that was it and my father never had a love for Anybody else I still remember him saying this to me. He said son before there was you that was your mother And when you leave there's still your mother. She's number one. My father taught me that that's how I was raised That's why I in the Lord. I am a one woman man. That's why I learned from the best I learned from a man who loved his wife from man who who to the end to his dying prayer It was for her you see and so those things matter no lectures just observation No, you need to do this is just living and loving Getting up and working when he was sick. He still had to bring in money to pay bills My father would go to work sick my dad with his name meant everything to him because a man is his name And my father made sure his bills were paid on time He made sure his children had shoes put on their feet and a shirt to put on their back My father made sure that we were cared for but he had one woman in his life and that was my mom So I had a great example of somebody who loved his wife And he cherished her and he cared for her and that's exactly what it means There was somebody who was talking badly about his wife and my father turned to me And this is before my dad was saved and he said doesn't that man understand that? He's making himself look bad by putting down his wife And I didn't know what my father was referring to I got saved and then I read 1st Corinthians 11 verse 7 Where Paul said woman is the glory of the man and I came to understand what daddy knew That a woman is a reflection of your walk with God My wife is a reflection She's my most observable ministry my wife is I can stand up and speak here But all you need to do is look at my wife to see whether or not those things are true I can say all kinds of things here All you need to do is get to know Marie to know whether or not those things are true Because I've a teach about love and I teach about patience and I teach about caring and I teach about prayer If I teach about those things all you got to do is look at my wife because she's a reflection Because she is really the most observable aspect of my ministry anybody who knows my wife If you know my wife and I say this because it's true Well know that she's a very loving person. My wife is a very open-hearted Loving woman she really is and I don't say that and for any other reason other than it's just it's a simple fact She really is and she's always been a great person. I've always you know She's she was sweet the day I met her and she wasn't even safe She just was a sweet person But one of the things you won't know about her if you don't know us is this is my wife It's not open in her affection. She's not an openly affectionate person And you say well wait a minute if you know Marie wait a minute she'll hug me. She kisses me. What are you talking about? How can you say that? Well, let me tell you when Marie and I were dating she got saved in my Bible study and Me I'm a Jesus freak I'm a young man and and I was taught you know that love is a mark of a believer by this She'll all men know that you are my disciples if you have love one for another Jesus said and so in the Jesus movement We were really inculcated with this attitude of learning to love other people That had been a prayer in my life from the day I got saved and and now I've met this young lady She came to my Bible study got saved three weeks into it and now she's seated at literally seated at my feet when I would teach and All all of that and so she started to learn the word of God and she was hungry for it But Marie is very closed You know and she's she's a matter-of-fact kind of person our very first date I still remember two things she told me in our very first date the first thing she told me She said first I want you to know my name is Marie It isn't Mary and it's not Maria. My name is Marie. I'll still remember She's looking at me all hardened this and that you know my name is my name is Marie I call her Maria to this day just because it irritates her now. You better not that I do so that's one of the things The second thing she told me was if I get stung by a bee get me to the hospital immediately Because I am very very allergic to bee sting So so the first two congress parts of our first date conversation that we ever had now Marie is real warm and All but not affectionate and so one day now. We've been dating for a while one day Something happened. I don't remember what but something had caused her to tear up and when she began to tear up I'm a nurturing kind of person and so so I put my arms around her to try and comfort her and Marie put her hands on my chest and pushed me pushed me away She says I don't like to be touched when I'm upset I said really really so I grabbed her and I held her tighter and I said you need to be hugged Because you know what you need you need love right now and now That worked at our marriage for her to be able to accept affection to be able to accept that It's okay to be nurtured and cared for because that was not part of her So what you see with my wife with her kindness and all my influence and I don't say that with weirdness I'm speaking as a husband my influence in my wife has helped that to be part of her life So that she is loving and open and caring because the Lord has taught me to be that and we together Are that way and she is the glory of the man? I can see your ministry husband I can see your ministry by talking to your wife. I can see your ministry when I talk to your wife Somebody who says oh, I want to teach the word. I will look to your wife Because if she knows the word if she's loved and loving I'll know you're having an impact but if I see that there's something about her that is Reluctant or wounded. You know what it's true, and I don't mean this to sound wrong It's just an illustration But you could even know when and when a dog is is is neglected You know we've been an animal is how much more so a human being and you can see that and so your real ministry husband Is your wife? It's your wife Because that's what God called me as a husband to do is to encourage her in her walk with Jesus Christ So that she knows him that is my job You see according to verse 7 of 1 Peter 3 we are heirs together of the grace of life She's not less than me We're equal before God we're heirs together We equally share in the need of the grace of God and so I encourage her her walk in the Lord And I also want to be the man That she respects you see Paul says that in verse 33 of chapter 5 here when he says Let the wife see that she respects her husband and I've already said this, but I want to be the man in her life And I've made it my aim and maybe maybe some of you guys will think oh this is weird I don't even want to hear I'm I'm turning you off man. What are you talking about? You're like a Sisyphied man because there are a lot of guys who think that about me and and I'm okay with that I'll hit you with my purse. No, I'm okay. I'm okay with that. I Don't care You know as long as my wife cares and my wife is nurtured. That's what matters to me But I'm telling you this That love and that affection and that tenderness and that care has made her a very happy woman a very blessed woman Because she has the kind of man that wants her to have those things and I made it I made it my goal husband. I hope you're doing the same for your wife I made it my goal to be the most important man outside of Jesus in her life I made that my goal. That's my chief aim for her to look at me and say there will never be another man That equals this man. That's what I've chosen to do. There are guys who want to have the fastest car They want to run the fastest be the strongest and that's fine if that's what you want for your goal But for mine, I want my wife to say within herself There will never be another man like this This is the number one man in reality Everybody needs a hero and outside of Christ. I've chosen to be that for my wife I want her to say there will never be another that can match this guy here I will never never want another person. I want this one here. So that's my aim And how do I do that? I read my Bible. I See that that's what a man's role is to cherish to nourish to protect to care for to love To do those things why because I'm safe guiding her and I'm helping her to know the Lord Jesus Christ And that's how that works And so as Peter has said those things the Apostle Paul says things that compliment that Because notice again here in chapter 5. That was your introduction. We better get into chapter 5 In verse 25 of chapter 5 of Ephesians notice husbands love your wives Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water By the word husbands love your wives you might find this interesting that he says this to us It's not the only place by the way where husbands are commanded to love our wives In first Corinthians 7 3 he said let the husband render to his wife the affection that is due her in Colossians 3 verse 9 919 he said husbands love your wives do not be bitter toward them This isn't the only place that this command is given It's interesting to note though that husbands are commanded to love our wives But you won't find a similar command from Paul to wives You won't find a command where it says wives love your husbands Now in Titus he says the older women teach the younger women how to love But he doesn't teach them to love. It's interesting The wife is created in such a way that she will love But we have other interests that can take us from loving properly So he begins to tell us how to love and he gives us several things here as you look at this The first thing he says is in verse 25 Love your wives as Christ also loved the church now look and gave himself for her love her sacrificially Love your wife Sacrificially remember that Jesus laid down his life for us And that love that is modeled by his sacrifice Is a model to us as husbands He laid down his life even he even though he knew the majority of people would reject him You see sometimes we may lay down our lives and it may not be appreciated We may think that this will change things because we're laying down our lives Sometimes it doesn't change anything. So we give up That means the love that we were manifesting wasn't really sacrificial Because we thought we could use it to manipulate change You see in marriage sacrificial love is necessary. It's the ingredient that keeps the marriage together Now there are men who have a difficulty with that concept because the idea of surrendering and sacrifice Well, that's not something men are ready to do not completely It's possible that as a young kid they they learned that the one who loves the least retains the greatest control And that's true in relationships if if a guy is loved more by the girl Well, then he can get away with being a creep If the girl is loved by the guy more then she can get away with hurting him because he'll just keep coming back So you'll learn that principle the one who loves least is in control And so some guys just are unwilling to yield themselves in that way Because they're trying to manipulate and control But the essence of love is self-denial And real love holds nothing back from the one that is loved In john 15 13 Jesus said greater love has no man than this that a man laid down his life for his friends So we need to see the value of consistently laying down our lives for our wives And you see it's not the enormous dangerous things that that will undermine our marriage It's the small things that are left unsaid and undone that erode its foundations In the song of solemn in chapter 2 verse 15 We read that it's the little foxes that spoil the vines And so we need to learn to love and to yield ourselves To even as christ loved the church and gave himself up for her We say to our girlfriends we want to make the best impression when we're dating them And so we tell them i'll do anything for you You just ask if you're thirsty I'll walk across the desert barefoot just to get you a glass of water, baby And then you get married and she says throw the trash and you say, yeah, are you kidding me? Who's sitting on your lap? You know, we change we change It's the small things That we do daily that matter not the large things. It's the small everyday things that we learn to yield Just to keep the peace and sometimes just to make them happy And it's the little things that can destroy so we have to be careful with that So we love and we learn to love Sacrificially we put ourselves aside so that we can care for her. No, she's not going to take advantage of us She's going to appreciate it A second thing in verse 26 is that he says that he might sanctify and cleanse her with a wash and of water By the word that he might sanctify and cleanse it The purpose of god's love towards us is to cleanse us to make us beautiful for him We're his bride the church is to be sanctified. It's to be cleansed to be without spot or wrinkle We are holy and without blemish So, you know that before a bride was married She would go through a time of purifying and cleansing the bride would would bathe And costly perfumes and ointments would be applied to her That was done to purify and to prepare her for her husband And they would refer to this bride as the one who has been set apart She was the one who has cleansed and purified And and that's a picture of the church purified and cleansed and that happens to the word So it's not simply an outward beauty that he's speaking about he's speaking of that inward beauty that's produced He said by the washing of the water of the word So the word cleanses us because the word provides forgiveness for sin Just like it says in john 15 3 you are cleaned through the word that I have spoken to you So it's through the washing of the word that we are cleansed and we become his bride But there's another application that is considered I want you to see this paul speaks of sanctified and cleansed by the washing of water by the word Interestingly the greek word translated word Is rema The word rema is used to refer to the spoken word It it it can be used to describe an utterance It's often thought of as what we would call a word for that moment So that gives to me some insight into the husband's spiritual influence When he says that she is washed by the water by the word It refers to me it can be applied in this way that I have been called by god to spiritually lead the home And when I speak the things of the lord to my wife My life should line up closely to his written word So that when I'm speaking to her and I'm saying this is what the lord has laid on my heart That my wife will respect the word of god as it's flowing from her husband to her the utterance of god's word to her And this is where a lot of husbands and wives have real problems Especially if the wife is a woman of the word of god If the husband thinks it's better for her to be in a small group for her to go to a conference For her to be in a retreat because after all he's working and he's providing food for the table He's misunderstanding something because the more she gets into the word the more she's going to expect him to lead her And when he neglects that he loses his spiritual authority And when he loses his spiritual authority at that point she stops respecting the spirituality And so what i'm called as a husband to be is the one who speaks that word to the of the lord to my wife Because my wife will listen to me as I probably properly Represent the kingdom of god now. This is a christian concept. We're talking about a christian husband We're not talking about the world We're talking about christians And if you're single right now you need to understand this and you need to grow in this Because if you get married without having a prophetic mantle if you will having a prophetic sense about you A knowledge of god a sense of his spirit Then the woman you marry if she has a heart for god Is going to become starved because you're unable to lead her. It's a very important thing for you as a man To take the chance to learn god's word and give you give god's word now in my relationship with marie Those in this church already know this she came to a bible study. I was teaching in ontario She got saved I think three weeks into the study my sister madeline letter to christ Marie has never known me In any other capacity other than what you see me to be now Many years later. This is how she knows me. Does that mean I've always been the same man in terms of my My my maturity of course not She she met a young christian I was I was young in the lord when I met her I was just learning the things of the lord And yet I was trying to teach and grow that way. So no, I I didn't have the knowledge and experience of maturity that I have now No, of course not But you can grow Here's the thing don't give up on growing Don't give up on growing You go to work out you go to work out And you go and you look at the weights and you say to yourself i could pick that up And you get down there. We'll say your bench pressing you get down. You say put some weights on Well, you know what this is a couple hundred pounds I weigh 200 myself. I can pick up my own weight And then it crushes you You have this big crease in your chest What happened? Well, you you esteemed yourself highly than more highly than you ought So what do you do you have to start with a lighter weight? Why because you have to build up You build up You start out with whatever you can handle you do your reps you work out the next day You're saying I ain't never going to do that again. You can't lift your arms up you walk like I can't do that any again And then you give yourself a day to heal and you go again and you start again Well, if you do that for a month Two months three four five months when you're into your six month regular routine You start actually saying hey, you know what I may I'm actually handling this I'm actually growing stronger and at one point you were lifting up 100 pounds, you know in six months you're 150 200 pounds you're working out and you're actually but it takes time Why do we think that spiritual life? Is is going to happen overnight? So you leave a church service like this and you say yeah, I'm going to be the man of the house I'm going to be the spiritual leader and then Tonight you're about to go to bed and the spirits spirits going to say pray with your wife And you're going to say well, I'm watching Afterwards, but I got to get up early. We'll start tomorrow It doesn't work that way It doesn't work that way You start now You start now And I've been working out in this way for a long time And I started out with this mindset. I will lead I will be the man god wants me to be again Listen, I have failed more times than I would admit God knows God knows and my wife does I have failed I am not the great christian I want to be but I'm not what I used to be either And what happens is you grow you grow and you go amen. Thank you for the overwhelming applause But that's I'm being blown off this stage with it, but that's what happens Start now Don't start next week. Don't start next month. Don't start next time start now Say I'm going to be that man. I'm going to do that. I will be that and you will Because that's a prayer. God will answer. I have been praying for 47 years at least Almost 48 That god would teach me to love That he would teach me how to love That's the one thing I don't do well The one thing I don't do well that I'll admit to Because I don't know how to love and I know that so I ask god every day help me Help me to learn to love I've been praying that since I was a brand new christian Because that's the mark of a christian. I want to be a loving man And I don't want to be a weak person. I don't want to be an effeminate man I want to be a man Jesus christ, who would say he wasn't a man? Jesus christ walks into a temple twice And he looks around my father's house. You've made it into a den of thieves gets whip Out they go he was a man everywhere. He went he walked and he was a mason as well as a carpenter He would work with stone and he worked with with uh with wood That's what jesus did the word carpenter means a mason as well as working with wood He didn't go to bethlehem lumber to get some two by fours He went out to a to a forest he cut down and he shaped he did it with his hands He did it with his hands. He would get splinters. He had calluses His legs were strong his back was strong Jesus was a powerful man and he knew how to carry himself And yet he was the same man who would pick up a baby and hold the baby And and he was the same man where a woman who caught in adultery or a woman in sin Would be brought and he would show mercy to her and and she saw that's what a man is A man isn't somebody who has to walk around with hair in his chest and and gold chains and drive his new corvette That isn't necessarily a man. That's a man who's going through a midlife crisis, but that's not a man A man is somebody who knows who he is I'm a man shaped in the image of jesus christ and i want to be like him And i'm going to love my wife even if it means that i have to give up things that that i want for myself But i'm going to do that because i'm a man i'm going to be a man and that's what we need today. We need it Your your if you've got kids your kids need that They need to see the picture of a real Man and what a real husband is like and so we love our wives We sacrifice we give them the word of god and live it in such a way that she knows that we're serious She can come to you and she can ask you bible questions in first grintians 14 35 Paul said concerning wives and husbands if they want to learn something let them ask their own husbands at home We need to be equipped to be able to answer their questions So spend time with her in the bible spend time with her in fellowship learn to pray with her spend time in devotions Live out god's word It not only blesses, but it saves from so many arguments There there are times when a husband says but my wife won't listen to what i'm saying That i will guarantee you you're not having devotions I'll guarantee you that you and she are not together in the word together guaranteed Because if you and she open up the bible together and say let us pray and agree that whatever god says we together will do You're going to save a lot of arguments Because if there's an argument it's going to be with the lord in his word Not your opinions it'll be between that person and god's word And if you agree to do what god says You're going to grow In verse 29 he goes on he says no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it So love the love that we have as a husband it nourishes it cherishes the word nourish means to bring to maturity It speaks of nurturing to cherish it speaks of keeping warm with tender love Cherishing implies concern tenderness a recognition of frailty So a husband love your wife in a gentle tender and considerate manner As we become more seasoned in life We can appreciate and love them more deeply And the more things we experience together the greater our bond of love grows Now think about it. You begin this marriage by by dating you pick her up You you learn things about her She learns things about you these are things that that that she'll decide whether she likes you or not just by Seeing you often and and you learn things and she learns I'll give you an example. She learns what you like what you don't like I I was living in norwalk. Marie was living here in in this area. She's born and raised in chino She was living in the city of ontario at that time And I would drive 40 minutes 45 minutes to come pick her up for a date And I remember coming to pick her up and when we we were going to go out to the movies and when we came I came into her house and she had two roommates and I came into her apartment and and I I said you're ready She said yeah, and she turns to her roomies and she says You guys want to go? And they said oh, yeah And they go off in the room to get something And I turned to Marie. We were we were only dating maybe two months I turned to Marie and I smile at her. I said, oh, you knew I have something in my car. You want to go with me to get it? Sure And I still remember walking out with her and I said now let me tell you something Now she doesn't know me from adam I said, let me tell you something. I did not drive 45 minutes to go out with vicki and joni I drove 45 minutes to go out with you So do me a favor Don't be inviting people to go with us on our date Unless you feel like taking them out and I'll just go home I don't like that. Now. Isn't that nice? Isn't that a sweet pastor david moment? No I had I had to learn But she needed to learn me She needed to learn this will not fly with me This will not work with me and guess what she put up with it She said to herself. I couldn't work with that And that's just from the beginning. So you start dating after you start dating you grow to love another when when I asked marita marry me I invited the members of the bible study that we That I used to teach I invited them to come on a friday night And I said can you go to my brother's apartment where the study used to be And so several of them were able to come And I still remember Marie was seated where she always was seated. She would always sit right next to me right here I'd sit in a chair. She always sat just next to me like that And I read proverbs 31 And I said to her You know the virtuous woman and I said to her marita. This is you I said, this is you I said and I want to ask you Will you marry me? And I had this ring here that I some of you have seen it if you've ever it's just a little ring here Some people think it's an expensive ring. It was the ring. My father gave to my mother It cost him 57 cents That's how much this ring cost My mama said, you know that ring that's the ring that your father gave to me when he asked me to marry him And so this ring that I just showed you Is the ring I handed to her It's the ring that my son joseph handed to his bride karina It's the ring that my son david handed to his wife des It's the ring that symbolizes our love that will be forever And so she went through that with me. We got engaged Then what do you do you get married and you begin to rent? You know, we rented our apartment then you might buy a home and you then you make it your home and And then you have your children and it ruins everything and then Then you raise them and then you release them and and then perhaps if you live long enough They have their their grand they have children. You have your grandchildren. These are all memories That you're burying in your heart together. You bury your your parents you you you You just have a life lifetime And you want to you want to look back at that and you want to say It was worth it It was worth it all that we've gone through All that we've learned I was channel surfing and I I've never seen the movie I can't even tell you what the name of it is all I know is I was years ago now channel surfing and and Some of you may have seen the movie. I don't know what it's called but I stopped because It connected with me instantly It was an there was an older Mexican couple in a kitchen And the wife Reminded me of what my mom would do So I stopped because she was standing next to the stove like my mom would do and it just connected with me I saw that And she was making coffee There was a time when you actually had a coffee pot that you would put on the stove It was called a percolator It would boil the water the water would come up and go through the grounds and make the coffee We had that so I saw that and it connected like that and go wow That's how I was raised. So I'm looking at it And the guy the older man could have been my father He he is similar looks similar to my dad And he's sitting at the table and she's Bringing him some coffee and she puts it in front of him and I'm just I was caught by that Because I saw that with my mom and my dad as I grew up That was their kitchen and that was my dad and that was my mom I mean I just connected and I knew something of the movie I'd heard about it that they go through hard times through the whole movie and a lot of sadness a lot of sorrow I I know that but I But I'm just seeing this last part of it and and I'm connecting and She sits down across from him And I think it's I think he says You know, we've had a good life Something like that. We've had a good life and it Excuse me It hit me It hit me. We've had a good life And I that was Marie and me too That was my dad and that was my mom. I saw that They had tough times. They had me they had tough times They had tough times a lot of sorrow a lot of pain A lot of pain I put them through a lot of pain And then I saw myself And I saw my wife And it hit me No matter how much tough times you have in christ, they all turn out Okay, they all do They all do everything everything The pain the sorrow The the times when we didn't have two nickels to rub together The times when I didn't know what am I going to do to pay for this bill? The time when my son was going bad and and my heart is broken What am I going to do? How am I going to make it? And the lord has been there Every step of the way Never leaving Never forsaking and my wife has been there Like a backbone to me In times when I needed help She never put me down She never said you can't do it. My wife has said from the beginning. I believe in you God is going to use you And that is a christian marriage where the husband says by god's grace I'll do all that I can honey. I will sacrifice for you I will give you the word of god. I will cherish you. I will nourish you I will do all that I can to be the man. I'm supposed to be darlin But we together We together need to understand That this is about christ Because he goes on and closes with this is a Great ministry. I speak concerning christ in the church let each one of you In particularly so love his own wife is himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband I cherish and nourish myself. I take care of myself I'm supposed to take care of my wife And my wife sees me as that man That she can trust and respect And that's how christian marriages work god help us to do that