 how to turn your guy friend into your boyfriend. So today we're gonna start out with a question from someone in our community. And she asks, my question is how to navigate a friendship when you feel it's more than that. I have feelings for him and I'm pretty sure he has feelings for me too. But we're both being cool and taking our time, which is fine. I just wanna know ways I could start showing him. I like him, so we can finally start making out. I love making out too. It's one of my favorite things, so I get you. There's some woman was asking, saying it was like some kind of childish thing. Adults like making out too. It's not a big deal. It's a lot of fun. I think it's great. We've been together for about seven months now, but he has since left for another job. We text daily throughout the day and hang out just about once a week. He usually initiates contact. It's good. But I'm the one that usually suggests hangouts. It's not as good. I used to be in a committed relationship when we first met, but I'm not anymore. He's shy and has not had a girlfriend in a long time, thanks man. So that's her question. So today I'm gonna talk a little bit about why this is happening with him and what you should do about it. And this is gonna be, I'm gonna have a few different ways to kind of start conversations with him so that you guys can kind of move into the relationship realm if that's really something that you wanna do here. And so my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to the commitment connection. Before we get started with this, if you're really serious about having the relationship that you've always wanted, make sure to go to thegoddaskommunity.com and check out about joining our community there. So if you're here with us right now, make sure that you say hi and let us know where you are in the chat. So this guy that you're seeing right now, he's, you said he's shy and there might be something else that's going on there. And one of the things that kind of, you might be a little bit concerned about, look, I get it. I get being a shy guy. Like I used to be a shy guy and I understand what that means when a guy is a shy guy. However, the thing that concerns me about this guy being a shy guy and not kind of moving things forward and pushing things forward is that he needs to be doing certain things as a man. That he has these certain roles, these certain things that being a strong man requires. And one of them is pushing things forward. One of them is asking you to hang out. One of them is moving towards a romantic relationship between the two of you. Obviously, there's both sides to it. One of the analogies metaphors that I like to use is kind of like the metaphor of tennis where you hit the ball and he has to hit it back, right? And it sounds to me like he's not really taking on those responsibilities. And that's kind of concerning. And one of the reasons why relationships, the reasons why I think relationships are really important to men is that in particular, relationships help men, help build men's character like nothing else. So if you don't know much about my story and who I am, I used to be in the military. I was an Iraq veteran. And when I came back from Iraq, I was when I started like getting into the dating scene and I remember going to a bar and seeing these girls there. And I was like, I saw them over there and I was like, all right, I'm gonna go talk to them. And I like went walking over, you know, and all of a sudden like halfway over there, I like turned around and like didn't about face and started walking back. And one of the biggest challenges for me was that was just the initial approach, approaching a girl, moving things forward, taking things further. I mean, and I was a war veteran, you know, like I was like this combat soldier, eating steak for three meals a day. And I'm like, you know, looking at these little girls, right? I like shoot guns and stuff. And I look at these little girls and I'm like scared to death to even go and talk to them or try to kiss them or try to move things forward which is one of the reasons why I ended up getting into the dating industry was because of all of that. That was kind of what initiated it because I was like this, I was like, oh, I'm this big bad soldier and I can't even go over and talk to a girl which is really embarrassing. I'm glad I told you about that now. So anyway, the point is, is that it's a really important thing for a man to kind of get through and get over. So there's concerns that I have about making things too easy for a guy because all of a sudden it's like, okay, well, if there's other things where he needs to stand up and take charge and be a man, is he gonna do that in your relationship if you're making it really easy for him and he's not being challenged by that so that he has to go and do that? Because it's one of the things that makes men become men is this thing of like going out and approaching and talking to girls and moving things forward. So I'm just throwing that out there just so that you know. Another thing is you wanna make sure that he's not taken or that he is actually interested. My suggestion is that you assume that he's actually interested regardless of whether you know he's interested or not. And so that's the first thing that the first thing that you wanna do in this kind of thing of you turning this guy friend into your boyfriend is you wanna make sure that he knows that you're single. So you mentioned in your comment that when you first met him you weren't and you're in a committed relationship. So you wanna make sure that he knows that you're single. So it's an easy thing just talk about it. Talk about being single, talk about going out and having guys approach you and oh well and I'm single or whatever. It's really easy just throw it out there somewhere in the conversation so that it's kind of cherry pick so that he can be like oh okay, she's definitely single, right? Cause sometimes a guy guys get a little bit nervous if they're hanging out with girls and they like girls but they look at them and they're like oh I don't think she's single and I don't know what the dynamics are here and then time goes by and you're like is it weird now? I don't know what to do. And so just make sure that he knows that you're single. Maybe he does maybe he doesn't you really mentioned that in there. Also make sure that you know that he's single so find out information about him, talk to him about it. Find out if he's dating. Just ask him stuff like that. Like hey are you dating? Like have you gone out and met girls? Like what? And just do it in kind of a friendly friendship kind of way. Just finding out fishing for that kind of information. And so what you wanna do next is something that I call force framing. And this is kind of a sneaky technique but what it does is it kind of frames conversations. I have a whole program about framing. It's called the love frames toolkit. And this is it's about like setting up or setting a precedent for a relationship. So setting the underlying meaning for some kind of interaction or something that's going on between you and another person is called framing. And so the idea of force framing is setting it up so that you kind of like throw this meaning onto something that he's doing and it's like you misinterpret it, right? You kind of take something and you interpret it in the way that you want it to be interpreted. And it's kind of like a flirty fun kind of exciting thing to do. And so I'm just gonna give you some ideas on how to do this with him because it's a lot of fun. And when you start doing it, it can completely change the interaction that you have going on with a man, right? So it's like, you know, think about it. One kind of thing that happens a lot with men and women in terms of framing is like sometimes a guy will like check out a girl, right? And he'll be like looking at her and she'll like catch him checking her out. And she'll be like, hey, were you checking me out? You know, and he's like hot red handed and kind of like embarrassed. And he's like, oh, I don't, you know, I don't know. But it's setting up this precedent that he likes her and he's, you know, looking at her and hitting on her. And so that's one of the ways that you can do that. And you don't even have to catch him checking you out. You can just have him, you know, he's looking at you and you're like, are you checking me out right now? Or like, if you're like hanging out together and you like walk in front of him and you like turn around and look at him, you might be like, well, were you just checking me out right now? And if he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no, I wasn't. You can say something like, it's okay, I like it, right? And so what you're doing here is you're basically setting this frame where you're saying, you like me, I just caught you liking me, right? Looking at me in a way that's more than friendship. And it's okay, right? You're giving him permission. You're like, hey, no, it's cool, I like it. Which is basically saying, I'm interested. You're interested in me and I'm interested in you. And it's kind of like this fun little flirty way of having a conversation, right? Or another one might be like, stop checking me out, right? Like you just, it doesn't matter if he's actually checking you out or not, right? Because a lot of times what we do as human beings is we're like walking through the world completely in our subconscious mind. We don't know what's going on, we're driving, we don't even remember getting to where we got to or we're walking and suddenly we're somewhere, we get on the subway or something and we aren't paying any attention, we're listening to music. And so most people are just walking through their lives totally unaware of anything. And so if you tell somebody that you caught them checking you out, right? It's almost like they're not even aware, maybe they were, they're like, wait, was I checking you out? Did that just happen? I'm not even sure, right? And so you can kind of do that and kind of have this flirty conversation going on between the two of you by just being like, ah, hey, stop checking me out. Stop checking me out and just doing it in a fun, kind of flirty kind of way like, oh, are you checking me out again? Like, no, no, no, it's okay, it's okay. I think it's cute. No, I think it's cute, you know, I like it. I like it, right? You're doing it and you're just making it fun. You're making it flirty, you're making it playful. You're framing the interaction so that it's moving out of this, hey, we're just friends and we're having friendship conversations to this sexual realm, this romantic realm of like, we're actually interested in each other. And so another one that you can use, I'm just gonna give you a bunch of them here real quick. Another one that you can use is I know that look. You're looking at me like you wanna kiss me. Are you attracted to me? I'll admit, I'm attracted to you, right? And basically it's another one of those conversations, right? And the time you wanna do this is like a different time than when you're talking about him checking you out. You wanna do it like in the middle of like a friendship conversation or a deep conversation or any kind of conversation where he's looking at you or he's like lingering his look at you, right? Because you know, and again, you're kind of throwing this meaning onto his look. And so he's like, am I looking at you like I wanna kiss you? Because I do wanna kiss you, right? If he's attracted to you and he's looking at you, he's like, well, I do wanna kiss her. So I don't know, how is looking at her like I wanna kiss her? What does that even mean, right? And so when you do that, you're throwing it out there and you're making him go, maybe I am looking at you like I wanna kiss you, right? And it'll show you a lot about where he is too as well. And if you're like, hey, are you attracted to me, right? You're setting it up, but you're saying it like you already know it, like are you attracted to me? And then you're like, hey, no, it's okay. No, I'll admit it, I'm attracted to you too, right? And you're just having, you're leading, you're kind of leading the conversation, but you're romanticizing it. You're creating kind of this sexual tension that goes on top of the conversation that you have. And if he denies it, what you can do is find evidence. So that's the other way to kind of frame things, right? To set kind of precedence or belief systems or thought patterns is to find evidence for things, right? Any kind of thing that he does that you can interpret as him being attracted to you, like, hey, you keep on coming out to these hangouts with me, we keep meeting up, like you keep buying dinner, you keep doing these things, you keep saying these compliments to me, like, look, I know you like me. So if he denies it, just find the evidence for it, because if he's really shy, he might try to deny it, like, oh no, I'm not doing that, because it's kind of this taboo thing for a lot of guys where they feel like they can't be overtly interested in a woman in this day and age, especially if a guy's shy. And so if you give him permission and you let him know that it's okay and you show him evidence and you're doing these kinds of things, it'll frame the situation into this thing where he's like, oh yeah, actually I am, you know, and you can get him to admit it eventually and it'll be really cool. And it might sound like a lot of work here, but you gotta remember, one, it might not be a lot of work. It might be you just say one of these things and it kind of triggers his mind and his brain where all of a sudden he's like, okay, I have permission now, right? Because that might be all he's looking for is a little bit of permission that says, hey, she actually is romantically interested in me and that might kick his drive into gear and he might start kind of pushing things forward and moving things forward, but he's just not sure what's going on right now and he's not sure how to approach the subject. And so this gives him a way to do things. And the other thing that I wanna say here is that he needs to kind of have that drive kick into gear and he needs to step up and he needs to move things forward because that's his job as a man. And he won't ever feel like he's a man if he doesn't do those things. You can water the seed, but the seed has to grow on its own. And so you don't wanna be doing everything for him, but you wanna be giving him permission and opening it up and having that conversation and turning it into this flirty thing so that he knows that he can kind of move things into the relationship that he wants to have and the relationship that you wanna have. And so I just wanna mention again, if you're serious about wanting to get the relationship that you've always wanted, make sure that you go and check out thegoddiscommunity.com and see if it's something that you wanna join and become a member of our community. And it's really cool. So go check out thegoddiscommunity.com. If you're here and if you're just joining us, make sure that you say hi in the comments and let us know where it is that you are in the world and watching this from right now. So the next thing we're gonna talk about is sexualizing the conversation because what may end up happening is you, that stuff might kind of kick into gear a little bit, but you're still kind of in this, like I'm not really sure what's going on kind of mode and if you want to kind of really move that forward, I actually have a live stream that I did. It was called, I believe it was called the seven, seven questions to, I don't know, flirting or something. I don't even remember what the name of the live stream was, but there's another live stream that I did that you can just search for about, it's something about like seven questions, seven flirty questions to ask a guy or something like that. And so sexualizing the conversation, what that looks like is you might ask questions like what's your favorite feature on a girl or where do you like to be kissed or anything like that, anything where you're moving it from like this, kind of generic conversation that you're having, maybe it's about whatever and then all of a sudden you bring it into this realm of like actual like romantic kind of stuff where he's thinking about it and he starts thinking about it with you and all that kind of stuff. And so that's the next thing that you can do if you want to kind of move it out of the friendship realm and into more of a romantic realm and romantic relationship with romantic relationship possibilities. The next one is giving him permission to touch you because what we're kind of doing here is it's kind of like a step ladder, right? You're kind of creating this flirtatious, fun, kind of conversation with him and then you're kind of moving it into this romantic realm and then the last thing is giving him permission to touch you because he's gonna wanna touch you and if he's a really shy guy, he might be a little bit scared. He's like, oh, I don't know, me too movement. You know, am I gonna get sexual harassment charges put on me? And so what you wanna do is give him permission to touch you and the way that you do this is the first thing that you wanna do is every time you meet him, give him a hug when you meet him, right? Like you meet him sometimes when friends meet each other, they'll like walk up and they'll be like, hey, what's up? You know, and then they'll like go and do whatever they do or like you're sitting in the restaurant and he comes in and you're like, hey, you know, and he sits down or maybe you guys shake or something if you're really awkward. But what you wanna do is every time you meet him, you wanna give him a hug first and foremost and just give him a little bit of a lingering hug because you're the girl. So if you wanna hug, you know, almost universally guys are gonna be okay with that. And so he, you know, when he comes in, just be like, hey, give me a hug, you know, and just give him a big old hug and just linger a little bit longer than you normally would. And then when you get done, just say that you liked it. Just be like, yeah, I really enjoyed that hug. Like that was a good hug, right? Another thing that you can do to kind of give him permission to touch you is brush him with your body, right? And so sometimes, you know, things that you can do is, you know, like if you're walking together, you might kind of like bump into him or whatever, right? Like you brush your hand against his or whatever, you know, you can touch his leg or whatever like that. You know, like touch his hand, his arm, wherever, just casually, you know, brush into him, any of that kind of stuff can give him permission. And another one that is really, really good is grabbing his elbow. And when you do this, you wanna do it like when you're walking with him. And when you're walking with him, what you do is, so you're gonna wanna grab his arm, like with your right arm, this feels so awkward doing this right now. So what you're gonna wanna do is, you know, let's say that his left arm, you're on his left side, and you take your right arm and you grab his bicep, right where his elbow is, like right here, and you just pull down on it, right? Or pull back on it a little bit and you kind of hold it in like this. And what this does is this is a very like feminine kind of way to touch a guy and grab onto a guy. And what it kind of signifies is almost like, you know, if you grab onto him and you kind of like walk with him, holding him like that, what it kind of signifies is almost like, hey, he's your like protector, he's this guy that's like, you know, he's leading the way, he's taking charge and you're going along with him and you're holding onto his arm and it's almost kind of like something a little girl would do with her dad or something like that, but it kind of opens up this possibility of you and him touching together and it can be a really powerful way to connect with him with touch and give him that permission because once you start giving him permission, what he'll probably start doing is touching you more often, which can escalate into more of a romantic situation. So just to go back over everything that we talked about, the first thing was making sure that he knows that you're single and that you know that he's single. Second thing is doing the force framing to initially set up the conversation that you're having into this romantic realm instead of it being in a friendship realm and then sexualizing the conversation by asking him questions about just, you know, like what's your favorite feature on a girl? Like, you know, where do you like to be kissed? Like, you know, any kind of like flirty questions like that, I have a live stream, you should go check out about that. And then the last one is giving him permission to touch so that he can move up and escalate things with you and feel comfortable doing that, especially if he's a really shy guy and he doesn't really feel like doing that. And so next what we're gonna do is we're gonna go into question and answer. If you have any questions, make sure that you post them in the comment section. And last thing I wanna mention, again, is if you're serious about wanting to have the relationship that you've always wanted, make sure that you go to thegoddiscommunity.com and check out Joining Our Community there. It's really cool. We've got a lot of cool stuff that we give you for joining our community. So check it out. So I'm gonna go through all of the, what people have said here and see what everybody's saying. Jennifer says, hello, Matt. Hi, hi, hi, good-ish, good-ish. It's a fun name. Met Monk here again. Yeah, Denmark. Going strong in Denmark. Love it. So Allison, good day from Brisbane. Good day. Thanks. Vicki, South Carolina. Lots of people here from all over the world. It's awesome. Allison says she forgets what making out is. Well, that is a sad, sad state of affairs. We need to get you on the track to making out again because it is amazing. Prisa says she's from Cameroon. Nice. Shirley, San Diego. Naka Zimboui from Kenya. Jersey, Jennifer, Missouri. Yep, caught me live. Good job. Misty from Oregon. See, anybody have any questions here? Anybody have any questions here? Diana from Michigan. Hello. Alina says, hello, my favorite friend. Thanks so much for encouraging us. You're welcome. You're welcome. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're my, I'm your favorite friend. I'm your older brother is really what I am. I'm dishing out advice as your older brother. Don't care how old you are. I'm dishing out advice for you. So, Shirley says thank you for serving our country. You're welcome. You're welcome. Yeah, so, let's see. Gwias, I'm not gonna say that whole thing again. She says that her cousin was in Iraq too. Cool. Latita says my son was a very strong Marine. Awesome. Sharon Kelly says, love the hair. Thank you, thank you. I love compliments. If you guys, if you guys give me compliments, I love it. So, thank you. Any compliments that you wanna give me? I love compliments. Latita says you are right. Soldiers are sensitive and great. Okay. Margaret says Queensland, Australia. This guy is crazy. This guy crazy for him. Wanna take this further? Okay. Dianna says you have a nice smile, hon. Thank you. Thank you. All right, we need some questions here. I need to get some questions here. I love all the compliments, but we need to get some questions too. Shirley says, should I be the one texting all the time where he's not texting me back regularly? I feel he's pulling back. No, you should not be texting all the time where he's not texting back regularly. It needs to be a back and forth. And so, a couple of days ago, I did a video on, it was something, I don't remember what video I did. There was a video a couple of days ago that I did on making a man value you. And that one I would definitely suggest going in and watching because that's all about making sure that you put yourself in a really powerful position so that when he pulls back, it's really not a big deal for you and it doesn't feel so bad. And you don't wanna be smothering a guy. That was another one I did was a video on texting mistakes. And one of the things you wanna make sure that you're not doing is chasing him and smothering him. You wanna make it at least kind of like a 50-50 or 30-70 where you're messaging him 30% of the time. He's doing it 70% or 50-50 where you're both kind of messaging each other back and forth. And if he's kind of pulling back, what you wanna do is kind of pull back as well because you don't want to smother him and end up just being all on top of him and all over him and him being like, oh my God, again, deal with this anymore. And so, you need to kind of pull back a little bit if you're constantly the one reaching out and just give him some space. And usually, so, space gives people a lot. There's a saying out there, like absence makes the heart grow fonder and it's totally true. And so, you don't wanna be all over a guy, especially if he's not messaging back. It, guys actually do this as well. There's a lot of guys that make this mistake as well. And what you wanna do is just kind of lean back and let him go back and forth and whatever. It's not a big deal if you're reaching out to him, but if he's not really reaching out back to you, you might wanna just chill out for a little bit, take a few days and just find some dogs to pet and get busy with some work and hobbies and stuff like that and just give him some space and then wait a few days, a week, something like that, reach out back to him if he hasn't reached out to you yet or whatever, because if you're messaging a guy a whole bunch and then all of a sudden you take that away and pull back and just chill, the guy's gonna be like, at first he's gonna be like, oh man, she's messaging me a lot or whatever, depending on how long you guys have been seeing each other and where he is as far as his attraction level goes. And then if you pull that back and it kinda creates a vacuum and he's gonna be like, oh what happened to her, like messaging me all the time, maybe I should message her and find out what's going on or see if she's, you know, everything's still cool with her and so a lot of times guys will end up messaging back out for you and so you'll just wanna, my suggestion is just chill out, you know, I don't know how often you're messaging him but you might wanna just chill out. So Bridget Black says I have and he said he waiting. I replied waiting for what? Okay, Shirley says Matthew, you are drop dead gorgeous. Well, thank you. I love it, I love it. Thank you for the compliment, you're making me blush. Making me blush here, Shirley. So Bridget says we are at this point at framing. Yep, so, lots of laughing going on. I think I'm gonna try the abundance technique. Yes, yes, yes, you are watching the other one. Do that please. There's nothing better that you can do than put yourself in a position of power and have abundance in your life. I mean, it's, it changes everything. The women that I've worked with that do this, I haven't been talking about this before maybe like a week and a half ago or two weeks ago because I've kind of been, I've had a lot of things going on and however this is something that works and you like my suggestion is that everybody does this and most people are scared to do it, but it's so important and it helps so much. So Rebecca says I'm trying the abundance thing too, awesome. I'm glad that I'm getting people to start the abundance thing because it's so important, so important. Yeah, Allison says match his investment. It's what I'm talking about. Bridget says, Matt, that's hilarious evidence, it is funny. Yeah, a lot of this stuff, it should be fun and playful and funny. It shouldn't be like serious stuff, right? A lot of the conversations that you're having, that's what flirting is, that's what romance is. It's this fun, playful, that's what love is. It's this playfulness, right? It's like, you guys are playing together, wrestling and picking flowers and being romantic and doing this stuff back and forth. That's what love is, that's what romance is, that's what being in all this stuff is. It's this fun connection thing that you have going on. Jennifer says, such a great community. I'm glad you like our community, Jennifer. The other Jennifer says, I'm sleeping with a guy, my guy friend and we were talking almost daily for a month and a half, but now he's distant. We discussed not being F buddies, but he hasn't asked me out, even though that's what, guessing your comment got cut off there. Go back and watch my live stream from a couple days ago. It was called something like, how to go from a casual to a committed relationship with man. Go watch that. It's very, very important. That's the video you need to go watch. Bridget says, hi Matt from Ireland sending you blessing. Thank you. I like blessings. Hello, hello, hello. I told him I wanted and he agreed. Awesome. Hi from California. Yvonne is back from Chicago. Welcome back. Shirley Brown, he is taking you for granted that you'll always be able back and don't give anymore till he gives you some. So people giving advice to each other in the chat here. What else do we have? Yeah, give him a big hug. Give him a big hug. Nigeria. This is great advice. What if you're a shy person too? Well, what you want to do if you're a shy person is two things, two things that I really recommend that you do if you're a shy person. One is just practice getting over your shyness a little bit at a time, right? If you're like really shy, like I was really shy when I was younger, like and you can talk to my friends about that and everybody thinks I'm like this natural extrovert because I like go out and I'm like, yeah and I like talk to everybody and I don't really have problems a lot anymore. Sometimes I do but it's, most people don't see it and so people think I'm a natural extrovert but I'm really like a super introvert, computer nerd, guy that doesn't really, that used to be super shy and the way that you get over it is just slowly but surely kind of building things up where you go and try things out a little at a time. So if you're like super shy, what you might wanna do is just go to like stores and just talk to people a little bit and just talk to people about stuff and just walk around and just get used to talking to people and if you go out on a date with a guy and you're trying to get over your shyness with him, just do something a little bit more than what you've done before in terms of opening up and the more that you do that, the easier it'll get, the more you'll see that it's not a big deal and eventually it'll be easy for you to do all kinds of things. Next thing you know, you're gonna be walking around in a chicken suit down on the main street in New York and you're gonna be like do, do, do, do, do, do, do. I don't know, you might not do that but it would be funny. It would be really funny if you did. So anyway, yeah, go out and do that. The other one is you can kind of create emotional states in yourself, right? Like you can create this state of confidence and there's a really good, if you join our community, we have a coach in there that does some really cool stuff around emotional, getting into your emotions and connecting with your emotions a lot and it's really, really power. We have some videos in there. It's called The Goddess Initiations. If you join our community and you get into the programs that we give you for it, then you can check that out. It's really powerful stuff. Metmonk says, love this, awesome. Glad you love it. Glad you love it, Metmonk. Glad you love it. Samira says, other women are interested in the same guy as me and they started to gossip about me. Do these things have a negative influence on a guy in the beginning? Maybe, I mean, it depends on the guy, right? Like, if he's a smart guy and he's a mature guy and he sees these women like gossiping about you, he's probably gonna be like, I don't know, if he's really, if he's like in tune, he's gonna be like, okay, these girls are jealous and they're acting in a very low class kind of way and it doesn't really matter. I mean, it depends on what they say and what he believes and kind of what kind of a guy he is. So it just really kind of depends on him. Rachel says, I'm a classy woman but how come I don't get approached? I don't know, I'm exhausted. What are you doing to get approached, right? So right now we live in a time where a lot of guys aren't approaching because they're afraid, right? They're afraid of the Me Too movement. They're afraid of getting sexual harassment charges against them. They've become lazy because they have Tinder now and so you can get on Tinder, depending on where you are, you can jump on Tinder and have a whole bunch of matches within a few days or hours, depending on where you are. And so if you wanna get approached, what you need to do is you need to make yourself available to getting approached. One, you need to go to places where there's gonna be a lot of traffic, there's gonna be a lot of people going through, like maybe find a busy park depending on where you live or going to a place, going to any kind of place where there's a lot of people that come. If you're into bars and stuff, you can go and do that and go hang out in bars. And the best is if you go alone. Sometimes you might not feel comfortable going alone and if you don't feel comfortable going alone, especially in the bar and club kind of area, what you wanna do is go with one girlfriend and at max two girlfriends. As soon as it goes above that, the guy's gotta have super balls in order to come over and have the confidence to approach you. Or if you have a guy, don't bring any guys with you, just go and make your one. That's the first thing is go to places where there are a lot of guys. Maybe I'll do a video on this. Go to a place where there's a lot of guys or a lot of traffic. Go alone preferably or with one or two friends. Three is, is that three or four? I don't know. The next one is make sure that you look around. So a lot of women they'll go out and they're like on their phones the entire time. And it's like, you're just trying to not get approached, right? When you're on your phone or you have headphones in or any of that kind of stuff. Like if a guy's really confident, he'll come up because he doesn't care. But for the most part, try to make it as easy as possible for you to get approached. So look around, if you see a cute guy, look at him and smile, right? And there's kind of this body language that women give when they want to be approached by a guy and it kind of signals to him because guys aren't great at getting hints, but most guys get it if you're interested. If they're above the age of 25 and they've gone out and dated more than a little bit. There's signals that they get, right? And the signal is you look at them and when they look at you, you look down in a way or you look down and then you look back at them and you smile and then you look down again, right? So this is what it looks like. It looks like you're looking at him, he looks at you and that's what it looks like, right? And you can look at him again if you want to but that signals to him that he should come over and approach you, right? He goes, oh, okay, she's interested. She looked at me, she started smiling. That doesn't mean that he's going to approach you though because he might be taken, he might be shy, he might be a lot of different things. And so, however, that's one of the ways to make sure that if a guy's around and he sees you that he knows that you want him to approach you. There's other things that you can do as well. I have a whole, there's a whole thing that I put together for this. I'll probably just do a live stream on it because there's a lot to be said about it. All right, Jennifer says, "'How do I change from friends casually sleeping together "'to something more serious?' "'I talk about that in the other live stream "'I just did two days ago, "'called how to go from a casual "'to a committed relationship with a man. "'Go and watch that because it's in detail "'about what you should do.'" Bridget says, Matt, thank you, great coach for masculine side of things. You're welcome. You are welcome. DJ Dorej says, ditto the hair. Thank you, I'm glad you like my hair. Is it crazy? Do I have crazy hair right now? Never know if I have crazy hair these days. Katie says, hello there, thank you for the great advice. You're welcome. Bridget says, Matt, you're cute. Hope you also find what you're looking for too. Bridget says, that's what it is, Matt, back and forth. Latita says, how do I know if he is the one I want to kiss? How do you know if he's the one you wanna kiss? It seems like a strange question. Well, do you like him? Do you like him? If you like him, he seems like he's probably a good person to kiss, right? If you're attracted to him, he seems like a strong man. He's making moves. You're, you know, you want him to kinda continue to pursue you. That would be a good, that would be a good thing. Nanette says, how do I know his sexuality, guys, gay, straight or bi? How do you know? Well, if he's, I mean, if it depends, like are you, is this somebody that you know? Is this a friend of yours? Is this some random dude walking up and talking to you? Kinda depends on what you might do then. I mean, most guys only approach girls if they're straight at least. Most guys aren't bisexual. There's very, very few bisexual men. And gay men probably aren't talking to you. And if they are, your gaydar should be going up when they're just talking to you because most gay guys are pretty, depending on where you are in the world, some places they aren't very open about it, but most places where gay people are, they tend to be kind of open about it unless it's like a really kind of conservative area or something like that. Okay, what else do we have here? Jennifer says, I've since stepped back and I'm just letting things flow as they may. Bridget says, Matt, abundance I'm not sure about. Well, you should become sure about it because it is by far one of the most important things you can do. That is something you should get certain about immediately. Sean Kelly says, what is the abundance technique? Go and watch the make him, how to make a man value you so much he will do anything for you video. Go watch that. Annette says, thank you, Matthew. I love your lessons. You're welcome, you're welcome. And we have a lot of comments here. I've done the abundance since I'm 18 and it really works when I stopped because I thought I was doing wrong. That's when problems started, exactly. Go back to it, go back to it. I'm back to the abundance. Good on ya. Katie says, we've been platonic friends for almost two years. I'm crazy about him and he knows it. We hang out all the time but he hasn't made a move yet. Advice please, that's exactly what we were talking about today. So go back over the video from the beginning and that's exactly what I was talking about. Brittany says, find someone that does not see you as a friend. Most times guys will move on what he wants. Yeah, I mean, ideally you would want a guy that does everything, right? He steps up, he moves things forward, he pursues you, he pushes things towards a romantic relationship. That's the ideal situation for you and however, if you have a guy friend and you really like him and you think he likes you, go and start the video over and watch that. Watch those, watch those things. So, what else do we have? Turkey on his head, yep. Bridget says, for security have a friend on speed dial. Yeah, do that for sure and bring some pepper spray with you. Always have pepper spray with you, just in case. Never know when you have to just pepper spray somebody. Hopefully you're not running around pepper spraying people. Don't run around in pepper spray people. Everybody's gonna be like, yeah, Matt Coase told me that I should run around in pepper spray people. I'm not saying that, I'm not saying that. So don't do that. I mean, do it if it's needed, definitely. But don't just do it for fun. I'm just running around, I don't know. Okay, Rachel says, okay, thank you so much Matt for your reply advice, you're welcome. Jennifer says, but I told my friend I want to date him, know his stories and not GSB. Yes, go back and everybody wants the shortcut. The answer is that you need to go and watch the video, the live stream that I made about how to go from a casual to a committed relationship with a man. Just did it two days ago, go and watch that. Go and watch it, telling you it's important. Do I give up? You should go and watch the video. Let's eat this says, how do I get signed up for the goddess community? Go to thegoddesscommunity.com, thegoddesscommunity.com. Hippy Chick says, hi, hey. Matt, I've noticed you can read in Spanish, but my name is Sissy, so you can just call me Sissy. Oh, okay. Yeah, hablo un poco de español sometimes. I also speak some other languages sometimes, like Inagda, Yamagú, Gaviriparovsky. I can speak a few different languages. I'm a world traveler, I like to learn about languages. You guys are learning about me. Yeah, Bridget says, busy lives Matt, sometimes we skip videos. No, and I totally understand that. And for the person asking about the friend with benefits specifically, she needs to go and watch that video. Like, I don't care if she watches any of the other videos. Go and watch that one, because I give super detail about exactly what you should be doing. Hippy just says, Matt, no white T today, keeping us on our toes. Yeah, I was actually thinking about whether I should go and start wearing a dress shirt or something, make it more professional. I don't know, I kind of like the little casual vibe, like we're hanging out, talking on Skype or something like that. And sometimes I think maybe I should try out the button down shirt or maybe a suit jacket or something like that and see what people say about that. Maybe it'll look really, really fly and everybody will be like, oh my God, Matt, you're so awesome with that. Great T-shirt on, Klaus, you look so professional. I don't know, sometimes I get people that tell me I'm not very professional. To which I reply, I don't care because I'm not trying to be professional here. I'm trying to give you great information that you can use to create the relationship that you ultimately wanna have. I want to empower you, that's my main goal. And if I have to wear a suit jacket and a tie and a dress shirt in order to help empower you, I'll do it, I'll do whatever I need to do to help empower you, so that's what I'm gonna do. So Jennifer says, I actually watched the video. Must've missed whether I walk. I've been working on the abundance just not getting anywhere with that. I tend to block myself emotionally when I care for someone else. Should you walk? So if you watch the video, am I gonna go back over it right now? Okay, all right, I'm gonna go back over it real quick. All right, so what you need to do is put yourself into a power position and like I said, be willing to walk and communicate with him and make sure that he knows what's going on and like I said, make sure you're in a world of abundance because if you're not, it's gonna be really, really difficult for you. And what you want to do is just let him know and leave the door open for him, right? That's the metaphor. What you want to do is leave the door open that way if he decides, if you pull back and you're like, hey, I don't want to be friends. And so somebody else was asking about this. You don't want to stay friends with him. You want to pull back completely because if you stay friends with him, you're probably gonna end up sleeping with him again and he's gonna get all of his emotional needs from you, from hanging out with you. And so what you want to do is completely cut him off. Just completely cut him off and just let, leave the door open for him, communicate with him, let him know what you're doing and just be like, hey, I really like you but I don't really want to be friends and I believe that I wanna have a real relationship, where somebody really is committed to me and wants to give me what I want and I'm giving him what he wants and you can use the metaphor of the king and queen if you want to, I talked about that in another video. But really what you wanna do is leave the door open for him. So when you leave, that vacuum happens and if he's like, oh God, it was so good hanging out with her and I wanna hang out with her and just be like, look, I'd really like to be with you and have a relationship with you but I wanna have a real relationship and it's not fair to me to not have a real relationship here because what I'm gonna do is spend however long we are together and it's ultimately gonna lead to nothing because I'm gonna have to leave you at some point because you don't want something real and that's fine, there's nothing wrong with that. However, I want something real and so I'm gonna go for that and so I'm gonna go out and find out if I can have that instead of this and it's been really great and I really love what we have but I want it all, I want everything and so you have to be willing to walk and you have to have that vacuum happen because if it doesn't happen then he's never gonna miss you to the extent that he's gonna be like, hey, I've decided, I've changed my mind, I've decided this is what I really want and end up giving you the relationship that you want if that's something that he steps up and gives you and decides that it's that important to him. Okay, so what else? You are Matt, like I said, thank you for masking inside, great relationship, advice, thanks. You're welcome, flower child, stay casual, all right, we'll do. Rania says, you know you talk a lot to younger couples, I am 61 in the man that I am talking to as 61 is so much different for us older folks. How do you think it's different? You know, it's interesting to me because it's so funny like talking to different people because sometimes a lot of people like to, and I'm not saying that it isn't different, right? There are definitely different things, especially for women when they go above the age of 40, things kind of change a little bit but what exactly do you think is different that you need help with? Because if you just say, oh, this is advice for younger people and my situation is different but I'm not gonna tell you how it's different, right? Like there's no way that I can help you specifically if you don't talk to the problem that you're actually having because just saying, oh, my situation is different doesn't tell me anything. And you know, it's one of those things where I talk about for the most part, most of what I'm talking about is human psychology, stuff that works with people all over the world of all kinds of different ages and things are different once you get to a certain age because men's testosterone goes down, women's testosterone goes up, different things end up happening, the kids aren't really as much in the picture or having kids isn't really as much in the picture. You know, actually having kids that are grown becomes something that's in the picture and there are a lot of different things but what exactly are you talking about so that we can have a conversation about it? So Rachel says, oh, my God, a woman should never ask for a commitment it makes you look desperate. You know, I don't agree with that. I don't agree with that. I think that women typically are the ones that ask for a commitment whereas guys typically don't, although sometimes guys do but it's kind of that feminine energy that wants that kind of reassurance and that security, right? It's not a masculine energy that wants security and reassurance. And so I don't, you know, you might say it sounds really super thirsty but I don't really believe that. I don't agree with that. I think that if you want a relationship then you need to make sure that that's something that you get that's part of the deal because if you don't, what you're doing is you're setting yourself up for getting hurt in the long run because you aren't making sure that that precedent of what you want is getting put into the conversation that you're having with a man. And, you know, there's kind of this shaming on a lot of people out there right now for wanting relationships and wanting commitment and for women being women or like asking for those things. And men a lot of times now are asking for relationships because they're kind of getting insecure and whatever. I don't think it's a problem at all. I don't agree with that but that's just, that's my opinion. I think it's a normal conversation for somebody to have. I don't think it's a problem for women to have that. So Jennifer says, thank you, Matt. That's the information I was asking how to address that topic. Thank you, you're welcome. Some of the advice Metmonk says some of the advice you can use even though you're 61, I'm 65 and surely are going to try some of it. Exactly. Bridget says, seriously, Matt, feminine energy. Yeah, Helena is part of our group. She's great. She talks about feminine energy. It's great stuff. Sharon says it's hard when I don't want to have the talk. I think I know the answer by his actions so I just leave it the way it is. He's younger and active so I let him live his life. Yeah, and you can do that if you want to. Just realize though that if you don't talk about it you can just assume that you're not in a real relationship. It's what you can assume. You can assume that. Not just as a woman, right? Men have to assume this as well. So Sharon says, I use the theory of a flower. You've got to let it bloom naturally. You do got to let a flower, I don't know if you're talking about a man being a flower or a relationship being a flower. Bridget says, sometimes I'm in my masculine energy. Helena, help there. Awesome, cool. And I'm just gonna go back. It doesn't look like there's any more questions. So it looks like we're running out of time here. So if you really want to get into your feminine energy and attract a man from your feminine energy you should really join our community. Go over to thegoddiscommunity.com. Helena's got something like 24 videos in there that end up going out over a year or something like that. And there's videos in there from all of our different, a bunch of our coaches, a bunch of different coaches in there that help you get into your feminine energy, that help you connect with men, that help you have some of these relationships, that help you or have some of the conversations and things going on. I'm gonna be putting my new program in there. You're gonna be getting it for free forever for joining. We'll probably have that out in probably maybe three or four weeks from now. You'll be getting my new program. It's called the forever woman formula. The forever woman formula. And so if you wanna get that immediately when it comes out it's gonna be an awesome program. It's gonna have my best advice that I've been learning. I've been teaching in the dating industry since 2005. And so this is gonna be a culmination of all of my best stuff that is absolutely awesome. So thank you everybody for being here. You guys are the best part of our community. I appreciate you coming and having these conversations with me and allowing me to be a part of your journey. I think you're really awesome. And you're not alone in all of this. We get a lot of women that come to our community and they're like, it's been so great to just hear these other women and see these questions that have been asked and answered because they think that they're alone in a lot of these struggles and confusion that they have. The modern dating world is a nightmare for a lot of people. And if you wanna make sure that you are navigating the modern dating world in an effective way, in a way that makes sure that you're getting your needs met, that you're connecting with men in the right way, go and check out thegoddaskcommunity.com and join our community there because it is awesome. So thank you so much and I will speak with you again soon.