 Have you ever heard the phrase men want to be accepted for who they are? All right. Well, that's true for men and women alike. So this isn't singular to one gender. However, this makes me think of the Marilyn Monroe quote and how this might affect your relationship to actually Feel accepted for who you are. So I just want to read this quote really quickly for everybody. It says I'm selfish impatient a little insecure I make mistakes I'm out of control and at times hard to handle but if you can't handle me at my worst Then sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. Okay? Well, as I look at that, you know, I look at a human being and certainly as a human being We should from a compassionate place from an unconditional place Accept human beings for who they are. However, I don't think bad behavior is something you should accept So I want to pick this quote apart for a moment I want to share with you some things about men that you shouldn't accept and then lean into the conversation of how Accepting men for who they are in a different category might make you might might Lead you down a path to a relationship It's success and let me just say this when men do feel accepted just like you ladies We also feel appreciated and respected for who we are. So let's lean into this quote for a second I'm selfish impatient and a little insecure Well, the reality is is most human beings are a little bit selfish. They're self centric to some degree We even in the dating process oftentimes focus on our own needs first We're not actually absolutely selfless in the early stage of dating So I can kind of accept that and even in relationships We can sometimes be more focused on our own needs than another's needs However, if it doesn't have the corresponding self lists Added to it if someone is completely selfish. Well, that's to me Unacceptable behavior in relationship. I don't suspect you'd want to be in relationship with a man who is absolutely selfish Now a little impatient. Hey, look, I have a capacity to be a little bit impatient in life Sometimes I get a little annoyed that it's taking forever for the waiter or waitress To come back to get my order and that sort of thing I have a little bit of habit of impatience, but that doesn't necessarily rule my entire life I'm a little insecure at times. I'm sure you're a little as insecure at times whether you're a man or woman You do want to feel accepted When you're feeling some doubt doubt is a natural Human need to some degree and what I mean by doubt, you know under the six basic human needs Certainty is really important But sometimes Uncertainty is important too so we can and I'm using insecurities as uncertainty because the reality is is humans aren't perfect and actual Unconditional love accepting someone for who they are is accepting that they might be insecure at times now if someone is Habitually insecure habitually in fear. It makes them less attractive to be in relationship The quote goes on to say I make mistakes. Okay, we all make mistakes. I give you that one I'm out of control and times hard to handle That's not necessarily an attractive quality be out of control and hard to handle at times I would say someone who is out of control and hard to handle at times doesn't know how to regulate their emotions and When someone is habitually in the space and by the way, this was a quote from a woman You know, there's this expectation that men are supposed to be the strong person The masculine energy needs to hold space when someone is out of control Well, do you want to hold space for a man who's out of control? Someone who's hard to handle at times that can be exhausting By the way, good morning. I hope you my coffee mug says I don't want to work anymore I just want to be put up on a pedestal Cherish or to be cherished put up on a pedestal and taken care of a friend of mine got me that Excuse my slurping the coffee is hot If you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best Well, to some degree we're all going to have bad days. So that's certainly an important aspect of a relationship But to lean into that as an expectation That you're allowed to fly off the handle whenever you want and I have to accept it I don't believe is a healthy way to be in relationship. So let's talk about let's for a moment Talk about ways behavior men's behavior you oftentimes accept But I don't believe is healthy for the relationship. Let's start with he's a lazy person His top priority is leisure or playing games Well, if someone's top priority is leisure playing games and isn't necessarily focused on Responsibility of supporting oneself as an example And there's an expectation that you accept this man for is and you are the one that fully supports the relationship And he just gets to have fun and play video games all day long. I'm not so certain. That's a healthy behavior to accept. Okay How about he's a flaky person? He's hot or cold ladies Many of you are accepting behavior from men who are hot and cold because you see that glimpse of where they're hot And you hyper focused on that and yet they can be corresponding cold at the same moment And inconsistent behavior doesn't allow one to feel safe in a relationship Men aren't attracted to women who are hot and cold and corresponding I don't believe you should accept that kind of behavior from someone who is both hot and they're cold But jonathan, he's the most amazing man I ever met. There's no other man like him I have to accept this behavior Because he's the prize. He's the golden ticket that will he wonka was giving Ladies, let me just say something about this idea that one person is perfect And yet you have to accept all of their bad behavior. They're inconsistent behavior. They're hot and cold behavior Have some self-respect Do not accept that kind of behavior when I say self-respect. I'm saying self-worth self-esteem self-confidence Self-reliance if you're not familiar with my book What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my book I'm here to say Self-respect says i'm going to stand up for myself when this behavior is unacceptable Because many of you are accepting behavior bad behavior Feeling like that's how you respect men and i'm here to say stop it Does his work or children take a priority in his life? Now first off I put this down You might scoff a little bit at the children part But I want to lean into this for a moment. Okay, certainly someone's work and their capacity to support themselves Is rather important and yet a healthy balance to life is a is a life where you're spending time with those people important to you and you don't continually make work your precedent over and over and over again and Dropping the people in your life is most important down to third fourth or fifth In your level of priority and that includes children as well. I'm here to say children are important Work is important. Those are those are important things So work's important your children important your relationship is important And when you set one so higher above in importance as a priority And by the way, I've seen this happen with men and women where they've actually engaged in what's known as covert incest where their children are such a priority in their life They put their children on such a pedestal that it compromises all areas of their life I know I was speaking to a woman recently. She told me that the boyfriend she was with They were having sex. They were having their intimate date night and he took a call from his daughter And all she wanted to talk about is his cheerleading outfit and he went on to spend four hours talking to his daughter And this is a man who talks to his daughter every single day He compromised their time And what she recognizes she this man had an unhealthy relationship with his daughter on an emotional level Look up covert incest and women do this and men do this as well But if there are other factors in their lives that are such a high importance is that behavior you want to accept I invite you to look inward for that one Does he lose his temper? I was thinking of the maryland manro quote my guess is she probably lost her temper a lot I shouldn't laugh because she also had a lot of hardship in her life I suspect that if someone's temper if they're not able to regulate their emotions and they go off the handle They're hyper emotional. They lose their temper. Is that behavior you want to accept? Can you respect someone who hand who operates that way? I invite you to look inward on that one Are his hobbies his top priority are his hobbies his top priority Look it I love to play golf. Okay, I haven't played. I actually played the other day a little nine hole that was Only took one hour. Okay, for some men some of their hobbies are such an extraordinary priority in their life That it actually compromises the relationship there in and I'm here to say where someone puts something so far above is their highest importance And not there remember I said work is important Children are important Hobbies are important your relationship are important But to to put them on such a high importance that it compromises What's what to me is a healthy balanced life? Isn't behavior that you necessarily should accept And lastly, what about men who are high functioning alcoholics women as well? Is that behavior you want to accept? because i'm here to say acceptance within within the scope of healthy acceptance For understandable acceptance. Like I said moments of making mistake. Of course, we all make mistakes. Are there moments where we're insecure? Absolutely. I believe those are things we should accept And sometimes we're self-centric. We want our needs met first. That's a very natural thing in that in a healthy happy relationship But I want to talk about acceptance in a different form that probably affects many of you today And men who are accepted in these areas feel quite respected in their lives so I'm going to talk about financial acceptance because the reality is today Women are now in a completely different position that they ever were In society where they actually can For really in the last 20 to 30 years fully support themselves There isn't the dependent need to be with a man for financial. Now, that's not always the case But i'm saying today we are we have seen this Explode in the last 20 years Unlike the 200,000 years before I want you to think about neanderthals went back 200,000 years for a hundred and 99,050 years Most every woman was completely dependent upon a man Actually, that's not true because women gave birth so big little boys were dependent upon women But they were dependent upon men And so I'm seeing a shift where there are women who have a significantly higher nest egg They have higher earning capacity and some men that enter their life may not meet that social status or financial status And I know three couples in particular where the women are significant have significant worth net worth I should say And these are men who are great men Who are good men? They're good. They are good communicators. They are they are good fathers to their children These are all divorced people Actually, one couple doesn't neither one of them has children in fact one of the men gave a kidney to a total stranger And yet his financial earnings and net worth was nowhere near his partner See these are women who accepted men. These are men that could take care of themselves They're good responsible human beings But they accepted that they may be the major breadwinner in the relationship and these are relationships that are flourishing And yet a lot of women will look at men like in these men's cases and say I reject them Because I want someone better than me. That's just a that's just an observation I make made Now there's the the the area that I want to lean in for this conversation most Centers around the book the five love languages the five love languages If you're not familiar with the book the five love languages, I highly recommend checking this out the links below The five love language. This is the way we connect with our partner In our own unique way of the way we give love and show love and the five love languages are words of affirmation although if you're leo, it's words of adoration Physical touch quality time acts of service and gifts Now what's interesting is I notice that A significant percentage of men Their love language is acts of service And a significant percentage of women their love language is words Okay, this is where oftentimes there's a disconnect between the two people The partners and in these particular cases A lot of times women because they desiring of the words don't accept the man that his love language might be acts of service And I'm just using this as the example Okay, I know a woman. Um, I was talking to Potential client was telling me about our boyfriend Who does all these wonderful things for her? That's all these wonderful things for her Fixes her sink Fix put a tire on her car Made sure her car was running properly hung up a tv just things like that And yet she was desiring of the words And yet all of his actions demonstrated that he loved her It's just words were difficult for him because in his childhood He was stifled by speaking from an emotional level And rather than say i'm done with this relationship or create demands what we just what I encouraged her to do Was to accept him for who he is and begin a process of leading by example leading by example by introducing words That were important to her in the relationship making requests And then watching little by little to see if you see see a shift in behavior If you experience a shift in behavior folks acceptance is also the recognition that they human beings aren't exactly the way you wish they were being And yet we men are trainable. We are trainable human beings are trainable. They have a capacity for growth Now look many of you are in relationship with what I call the users Or spenders if you're not familiar with my graph the three types of people actively dating They're the users spenders and growers and by the way, they could be moving in any one of these directions And i'm going to take this down because it's the glare, but the users They are the seek the short they they seek short term game. They're the love bombers They're the players the gold diggers the entitled people by the way. I was told gold diggers without a date Selfish people only caring for those needs. We're talking about not accepting that The spenders they seek comp connection companionship coupling and sex No direction uncertainty fearful have usually a dysfunctional life and lastly lastly the builders They seek long-term commitment. They're emotionally grown up good relationship skills They have their act together and some men are in the spender category These are the dysfunctional men and they're either moving towards a grower and builder Or they're moving towards using you if you continually accept behavior Like what we just laid out Especially the high functioning alcoholics this came out during covid We saw a significant percentage of men and women that have now become high functioning alcoholics Is that behavior you want to accept? Folks i'm here to say if you really want a relationship that flourishes That where a man feels respected for who he is and you feel respected for who you are It's going to start by from the very first date leading by example And having deeper conversations being radically honest with one another laying your cards on the table very early on And establishing the rules of engagement what i mean by rules of engagement is what is your standard? And if you don't know what your standard is i got to tell you women you are terrible at this You all think you know what you want and then they come to me You know they go through my clients go through my proprietary coaching program They all say the same thing. Why didn't they teach me this in school? Why didn't my parents teach me this? I didn't realize I didn't know what I wanted And if you need help with that folks right here schedule the discovery call with me to see if working with the Coach is right for you. There's a link below Folks my area of expertise is to help you vet for these grower and builder So you're not continually dating these spenders over and over and over again All right, you know what it is men feel respected when they're accepted However, I'm here to say only respect those men with good behavior. I'm good emotional maturity good relationship skills They have a level of empathy. They're transparent in their lives their actions match their words They have victor consciousness and not victim consciousness and most importantly They have good communication skills that so when there's differences You're able to navigate them with a lot more ease this sinking in is this resonating. Please let me know Please hit that thumbs up button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new And by the way again all the links below to a discovery call with me to join my groups Check out the description in the show notes All right, those who know my format know I'm this is time for q and a if you have a question for me Write the word question then post the question thereafter or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All the money's from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son conor asley That's a picture of him right there He's my son who passed away almost five years ago his birthday is coming up soon And his honor we donate to causes like the hoffman process and insight institute just to name a few Andrea says it's a shit show in the dating world. Yes, it is for men and women alike Linda asked question. What is the definition of a high functioning alcoholic? This is a person who can drink habitually and still maintain some level of Consciousness throughout the day. This is someone who can drink habitually and still maintain some level of consciousness In other words, they're not passed out drunk That's what I mean by a high functioning alcoholic And I am nowhere near an expert on this as well Ah, let's keep swimming bump bump bump bump bump bump bear with me See if there's any questions if you have a question post the word quit write the word question So it's easier for me to find ah Let's keep going bump bump bump bump bump Mary says yes that all you have been talking about today resonates with me. I'm happy to hear that Folks, you know, something's interesting to me. I want to share something else. Uh question hasn't come in yet You know, when you think about Relationship success, I want you to reverse engineer everything Marriage roughly here in the United States have a as a 50 success rate. Okay um so 50 success rate and it's 35 less than you know, and if for second and third marriages over two thirds and in divorce, okay Now probably two people living together like my sweetheart and I there's a picture of Marie. She's uh at a funeral in Chicago this weekend or this week she um Or we and I live together and probably our success rate is one out of four Why don't you think how many relationships never get to a point of living together? People are in relationship today And probably one out of ten will never make it to living together getting married And of those people that were in relationship, how many first dates have you gone on to get into a relationship? You might have gone on 50 first dates just to get into a relationship. So dating has the least success Uh success rate relationships have the second worst success rate living together probably as the third and marriage is the fourth Okay, so my point in bringing this up is dating is not A guarantee to relationship success. It's a vetting process And many of you do a poor job at vetting men So you can put the odds in your favor and that's what I do as a coach. So anyways, just wanted to say that All right, we had a question come in Oh really quickly. I want to thank angela for becoming a new member. You can join right here to join my group here on YouTube by hitting that join button right next to the share button and the like button I want to thank roller girl for the dollar 99 super sticker for collar. Thank you so much. I appreciate that And we got two questions that came in one from michelle Question why as a single person would I feel so leery of dating sites never seen one and don't want to Well, it is a very scary thing for many people To put themselves out there in a forum where you're literally seen by millions of people I can understand the fear around that the reality is these days though most people don't for those of us in midlife Our daily life doesn't put us in Surrounded by single eligible people Once you think about this when you're in high school most everybody was single and not quite eligible but single In college is the first time in your life if you went to college Where you're surrounded by single eligible people of your own relatively your own age And the minute you graduate from college, that's where everything changes It used to be the workplace was the most popular place to meet people back in the 60s And certainly by the 70s it was night clubs and bars 70s and 80s and 90s And now since the 2000s it's the internet happens to be the number one place where people are meeting today I went to a wedding last weekend where the couple met on match.com There was over 10 couples there at the wedding like marie and I where we all met through a dating site Just happens to be the number one place to meet people today I understand your fear But I want you to maybe overcome your fear because it happens to be the best place to meet people to go out on dates And we need dates to end up being in a relationship All right. Thank you, michelle for your question Melissa writes I broke up with an avoidant. Do they ever come back? Yes, they do It is very common for men and women to feel a sense of loss Uh, wait, did you say you broke up with uh, I broke up with and it's very common for someone to feel a desire to come back Now again people that have an avoidant love attachment style means whenever there is some fear in the relationship They retreat. Okay. Just like the anxious people fight for a relationship avoidance retreat now That's something that can be healed And I'd like you to check out the book Attached by amirah levine and rachel heller highly recommend checking out this book So you can understand your love attachment style in depth and maybe understand someone else love attachment style as well okay Let's keep swimming cc writes question Do you think two people need to have the same or different attachment styles for a relationship to be success? You know, it's interesting I've been thinking a lot about this. I I suspect we all have a default love attachment style for example My default is anxious now. I'm as close to secure as I can possibly be but my default is anxious Now what's interesting is I have a belief my Marie would kill me for saying this. I think she's a secure attachment style But her default is to run And we talked about this the other day It's her natural inclination to run when there's maybe not a conflict You know resolving a conflict like where to go to dinner kind of thing And we have two different opinions. I'm talking about where there's some level of discourse in the relationship And her natural indication Is to run a little bit and I think we're probably attracted to one another because of this I'm not saying this is an absolute. I'm just speculating here Now in her in both our cases I don't fight that hard and she doesn't run that far away and this is our healing to build trust with one another I think ultimately when two couples build a significant amount of trust Our attachment styles begin to get healed. Okay So I do believe that avoidance tend to attract anxious anxious tend to attract avoidance when two anxious together get together They probably one cancels not cancels the other out But the one person feels a little bit overwhelmed and when two avoidance together, they can't ever make it work out It's just my speculation here. So cc. I hope I answered your question with that one. Thank you so much Shaw writes question My friends started Dating a guy that she slept with on the first date since then he invites her over to his place Which follows by time in the sack. However, she wants to be wind and dine Okay, it's not really a question but she wants to be wind and dine Listen, certainly there are men that are only in it for the sex Um, I don't like the idea of being wind and dined What I would prefer is couples do social activities hobbies and mutual interests social activities might include going out to dinner Um, but the end of the day It sounds like this is a relationship based on sex and not necessarily Uh a relationship built on true Co-creation and getting to know one another. So I'm sorry that your friend is experiencing what she doesn't want Maybe she should speak up for what she does want But I don't think being wind and dined is going to solve this problem Because my suspicion is all he cares about is the sex in the case of your friend. That's just my gut Reaction to this. So thank you Shaw for that question Let's keep going Jennifer says dating apps sites and apps are the way to meet I lived in New York City and I've met men organically sometimes They're you know, again organically Meeting online. They're all spokes in a wheel. So thank you so much for that Uh Maryland says I'm sick of men who play golf and have hobbies. Yes, when their hobbies and priorities exceed Their importance of the relationship. I can understand why you feel that way Lillian Lillia says question What are the differences between love bombing or someone who's really into you and wants to be with you more frequently? Okay, great question So love bombing to me is trying to convince you to like them Okay, it's coming from a place of convincing you to like them. It's oftentimes used in Sometimes nefarious ways like the tinder swindler where they're they're giving you so much love and attention And these are usually women deprived of love and attention that they are so appreciative of it That they'll hand over their wallet to a man. Okay now I know as a man When I am feeling a sense of limerence or lust I could love bomb lust is I want to get in their pants and I'll say whatever it takes to do it I've experienced that I've done it. Okay Or I've experienced experience extreme infatuation. I for some reason I put this person up on a pedestal and I just went overboard giving compliments compliments and compliments At the same time when a man likes a woman the way I did when I met Marie A healthy form of appreciation Doesn't feel yucky a man can demonstrate a healthy form of appreciation And it doesn't feel yucky when it feels yucky. That's typically love bombing and when it's uh when it's when it feels This is where it's tricky because if you're deprived for love It's going to feel good But that's actually coming from a depleted place within yourself And this is why I highly recommend going back to my book what the heck is self love anyway So you're not dependent upon someone to give you validation Okay, I hope that question helps Lillian. Thank you so much Shannon writes What should I do when my boyfriend has several other female friends, but he won't introduce them to me He texts them helps them when their car breaks down, but I don't get to go and meet them Well, I think it's these days most men and women have created friendships with the opposite sex in many cases We appreciate our friendships with the opposite sex those heterosexual folks. I'm talking about Yet if this is your boyfriend if you're having regular sex together and he is being secretive about these women That's not a healthy sign in your relationship. That's not a good sign So what should you do about it make a request? To meet these people or maybe you cut back on this relationship may not be that he if someone is secretive in their life And unwilling to introduce you in their life. How can you fully trust this person? How can you trust this person when they're going and now again? I have no I certainly respect people that go out of their way to help other people There's nothing wrong with that But if they're not willing to introduce you then it's going to be difficult to build the deep roots of trust Um in the relationship. So Shannon, I hope that helps you. So thank you so much uh Angel mama bears says I don't trust any dating sites. I played around with a few years and Half 95 what I found were catfish I'm sorry. You've experienced that. I met my sweet art Marie through a dating app I went to a wedding as I said to you earlier. There were 10 couples who met through dating sites so I'm sorry you're having that experience and yes, that's a common experience that doesn't put you that's certainly a very Common experience and yet if you learn the techniques to do a better job bedding and screening You may not experience that and again. I teach that in my coaching. So schedule a call with me Cc says thanks so much for answering my question. That makes sense. I'm hoping I'm a happy that help Uh Andrea writes question What if a guy gives you his number, but then is too busy with work to talk much? It's like a contradiction. Here's my number. Don't call me Probably in the moment Andrea He did feel some sort of connection with you but not enough to actually go anything further This is the hard thing about dating these days. I think you know, that's phrase. He's just not that into you I think humans are so deprived in their lack of of look at most humans Biggest wound is I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likable I think we are we are swimming in a sea of emotional dysfunctionality and because of that Um, he's probably an avoidant love attachment style and he wanted someone so anxious to chase him Because you weren't chasing him. You didn't want to bother. You know, I'm just speculating here. Okay The reality is these days, you know, people are looking for so we're almost addicted to the need to have it perfect So perfect that if it doesn't feel perfect in that moment They might temporarily want to give you their number or get your number, but they're not willing to invest This is the dysfunctional dynamic of dating today dating You know dating means dysfunctional way of getting to know someone That's what dating means. It's a dysfunctional way to get to know someone because these days were meeting total strangers And and I say dysfunctional because humans aren't radically honest with one another They're just their highlight of their communication is how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day Many of you ladies are afraid to ask deeper questions because you're willing you're afraid to scare a guy away and meant Oops, I got pit stains there And men are rather clueless in the dating process. So look at I know it's a mess out there My job is to help you make sense of it all so you can have the kind of results I get all the time Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan. I met a great guy. Jonathan. I met a great guy And these are women that know the difference. So anyways, Andrea, thank you so much Um Hey, one of my members from my facebook group says I thoroughly enjoyed your book great read. Thank you so much All right And we're gonna end on this note here Stay well strong says when a man says you are the only woman who talks with me all the rest All of the rest claws come out and while he's yelling at me. Is that a common thing for men these days? Okay, I'm gonna finish up on this note. Okay Most humans have Weak emotional maturity and or excuse me poor emotional maturity and weak relationship skills. Look at the vast majority 75% of singles who are actively in the dating marketplace over 45 years old their divorce Now if women initiate two thirds of those divorces because the men they were with Had weak emotional maturity and weak relationship skills. And by the way, you women are no picnic either coming back to that Marilyn moan row quote. I can tell you women can be just equally as dysfunctional as men Okay But with that said men by the time they hit 40 They're on some level yearning to Become they're yearning to be loved and appreciated. They just don't know how we were never taught how to Dive into our emotions So what we need is someone who accepts that we may not our love language may not be yours as an example Or what I shared earlier and yet we want someone to guide us The problem is a lot of unhealed human beings are in the dating marketplace and what they do Many women alike use each other as therapists and these are unprofessional people Giving advice seeking that way of just connecting one in that female energy And this happens frequently and yet they're not capable of actually leaning into a healthy happy relationship This is happening habitually And this is one of the reasons why dating is so darn dysfunctional these days so um So coming back to what you said Unhealed human beings with weak emotional maturity can operate in the way that you just described So I hope that gives you some insight and then again what's most important is for you to To operate from your sovereignty your self-worth your self-esteem your self-respect your self-confidence And do a better job in what I teach in my private coaching. By the way, there's a link here Radical honesty laying your cards on the table and the rules of engagement Which I talk about when I work with my clients, okay? If you need some support check out all the links below to a free discovery call with me to join my group to follow Me on instagram and to get my book as an example All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up today I hope you got value from this if you did please to co post a comment below Please like this video Please share this with your friends and please subscribe to my channel And i'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic johnathan mirag self love I'm going to reach into the camera excuse those pit stains give you a hug of love I'm going to ask you to turn to a friend to pet the teddy bear pillow and give itter them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank michelle and sharon and andrea and jojica and jennifer and uh, I said michelle and andrea and stay well strong and cc and la And one of our uh members in facebook group cc Shah Priya, thank you all so much wishing you a fab day. Bye now