 Oh my god, did you hear my finger? Oh my god. That's a sausage made of blood. Me a cap. Blood, blood, blood. Worm's dripping out of its butt. Worm's dripping out of its butthole. Nah, that's hectic shit. Snapped cock. Ooh. Oh. Boy, you're the one telling the story. I'm just clarifying. Did you know a cock can be also like a rooster? Well, that's what I mean. So that's telling us about his chickens. Had his mother's house. What do you call a female chicken? Chicken. How do you know it's female though? But how do you, what's a female, what's a male chicken? What is a male? Well, actually, you pigs, I respect their privacy. What do you mean? I don't look. Oh. Oh. Wait, if they're okay, a rooster lays an egg on a house like this, like a triangle. Roosters on their eggs. He's done it. He's laid an egg. Dickhead. Sorry. Okay. What about this one? An electric train is going south and the wind's going north. Which way is the wind going? He doesn't know yet. I don't want to play this game. Yes. Okay, sorry. Welcome to episode number eight. Eight? Yeah, I think so. Episode number eight of The Muddy Michael, fully actual podcast. And boy, oh boy, oh boy, do we have a jam packed episode for you? We've got our fussy little boys. We've got trauma trivia. We've got your voicemail, voicemails we're going to play at. And of course we've got the prank haul. And I'm sorry, I need to lead with this. I did not have time to do a dream diary this week, but it will be back next week. Don't you fucking worry about a thing, man. But we've been fucking busy, boys. Hey, bro, like what? Did you know that Kookaburras are also native to Papua New Guinea? Shut up. I swear to God. Look it up. Why did you find that out? I just, I don't know. What were you doing where it led you to that? He was in Papua New Guinea doing the Kokoda Trail. I've actually been in the Papua New Guinea. Yeah, I've been there. When was the Kokoda Trail? When I was three years old, I did. Call your mum now. I don't have my phone, it's filming. But I seriously have been. I can tick that off. Call your mum now. He doesn't even have her mum. So I heard something about Michael. Yes? I heard he started Gilmore Girls. Okay, this is... Anyone out there know the show Gilmore Girls? Of course they do. It's huge. It's not bad. But like, I can't believe it. Any young people wouldn't know it. Look, look, okay. Hey, can you fuck off? I'm sorry. Trying to burn me. Look, there was a stage. I was living with one of our good friends. Who didn't want to be named. Didn't want to be named in this story. We were living in a share house with a couple of girls and they watched Gilmore Girls. And as you do when you're around, you just kind of glance at the TV and they'll kind of go into it. And we kind of watched every episode of Gilmore Girls. How many seasons are there? Like, I forget. Man, I've just sort of tuned in on season one, a bit of season two, a bit of season three. And I must say, it is shit. No, you gotta watch it from the beginning and really get to know the characters. It's like, seriously, it is no fucking one tree hill. But like, one tree hill is pretty shit. Like I'll say that, but Gilmore Girls is shit. No, it's pretty good. And don't speak about it like that anymore, all right? Okay. Rory or Lorelai? Lorelai. Which one's Lorelai, the older one? Yeah, Lorelai. You know, he really grinds my gears and I think she shouldn't be on the show. The fucking nerd one. The fat one? No, no, not the fat one. The one that is like all about the studying books. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I fucking hate her. Yeah, Matt loves her. What's the ending of Gilmore Girls? What happens in the final episode? I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna throw out such intense spoilers. What happens in the final episode of one tree hill? You won't know, either. I don't, I've only seen the first three seasons, so I've got a lot to catch up on. I don't even remember what happened last show of OC. Man, I'm pretty sure Marissa dies. Season three, she dies. Yeah, she's dead. Anyway, her career died too. Let's not get, like, we always fall into this trap and Matt loves it, like, talking about shows. Oh, yeah, you suck this in. We're not doing it, all right? Yeah, no more shit. That's enough shows, talk. This is real life. OK, real life. Vladimir Putin got reelected. Yeah. Demoditized. Sorry. You look, we've been, we've been training. I'm so fucking exhausted. We've been training our little bottoms off for this, for this boxing event and it's now five weeks away. Getting fit is so much harder than lifting weights. And also eating, got to constantly prepare our meals. Oh, man, I'm just like, my body's, I haven't had a day off. Is that because you burn so much? Is that because you burn so much training? Yeah, you need more food now. It's nuts, man, he's fucking nuts. But look, we're coming along nicely and we're getting pretty excited. We chose the song, our walkout song today. We're not going to announce what it is, but it's, it's pretty, it'll stir some emotions, I believe. What was it? It'll stir some emotions deep within you. It's hard to come up with a walkout song because if you go too serious, you look like a try hard. But then if you go too silly, it won't like, oh yeah, it is shit, it's just shit. Yeah, and people might not know sarcasm that. Yeah, yeah. If you come out silly, you got to back it up, like tied to a vassal comes out to Spice Girls, knock someone out so he can do that. He came out, did you watch him? He just fought on the weekend, just gone, he lost. He came out to unwritten. Oh, really? Yeah, I was getting a walkout to that, which I thought was hilarious, but that is unfortunately lost. Oh, I can't. See, yeah, okay. So you can lose. You do need a hero song. Yeah, you got to have a hero song then, that's what we're saying. Yeah, and what's, what, what else? You went and saw some deer on the weekend. Man. And like deer itself in the like, little like female Bambi ones, they are the cutest things. You tried to have sex with it? Is that what you were telling me over lunch? I reckon if you were going to have an animal, that would be an animal you would because they really found it in the face. Really big eyes. If you were going to have an animal, what animal would you have? I just realized I'd probably have a female deer. What animal would you have sex with, man, if you had to have sex with one? I think a fucking animal is a trap. You've got five seconds. You've got five seconds. I already got it. I already got it. I would go and I would just go and I would just a grizzly bear and it'd eat me so I wouldn't have to deal with the shame of fucking an animal. No, it's just an animal. Yeah, all right, grizzly bear. It'd be cuddly. It'd be nice. Oh, I don't know. I feel like you'd get lost. Every now and then, it'd be just a big mat fur. Yeah, it'd be too weird. I'd go at least. I'd go a large animal too, because you don't want to hurt them. I'd go maybe, I'd probably go like maybe like a gorilla or something and just see what it's like. No, but again, it's too much hair. Like, at least with the female deer, it's only tiny, tiny hairs. What? Deers are covered in hair. Yeah, but very, very small deer. What animal, what big animal has no hair? A rhino. A rhino. What about a hippo? No. They have no hair. And they'd be like too violent. Too, yeah. Too big. Too shitty. I'd go like a little bit. Well, that's why female deer is quite skinny. Now you're right. Yeah, and like less hair. All right, yeah, you can miss me. And their face is very, very beautiful. Feminine, very feminine, beautiful face. If you shave them, I will. Can you shave a deer? Well, originally, I used to be do whatever you want, you sick fuck. Then, yeah, OK, you can, if I can shave the deer, I'll go there. Look, we've all decided that we're going to have sex with deer. How are you? No, we're not. If that would be our choice, if we had to. And we do have to. Yeah, yeah, so that's the game. So you guys play that at home. Oh, here we go. And that's going to get up. Have you done it again? So Brown's just, he's just got up and left us. And now we're left to our own devices. He's come. Don't tell me he's just gotten up because he wants to get his glasses. He's forgotten glasses. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck you for that. All right, guys, let's get in the episode and get the sponsors, Daniel, because they keep this podcast alive. By the way, please don't forget to like, comment, subscribe because of five star review on Spotify. It keeps the whole wheels churning. All right, liking. And we've noticed the last couple of episodes, the likes and comments have dropped off a bit. Just have a chat to us, man. Drop a comment. We'll fucking read it. Matt will fucking reply to a bunch. Like, we'll fucking have a chat in there. You have five star reviews. Fucking whoop, whoop. It just keeps the podcast ticking over, baby. Michael's going to say something. We're at 3K. Let's have a look. So remember, if we get to 3K, we may call. Don't say a name. Sorry. You said a name last week. Can you cut it? We are at 3K. Fuck off. Show me. We are at 3K. Are you fucking kidding me? You were saying a name last week. Yeah, well, let's just avoid it. So, Connor. Connor, cut mum's name. You can keep all this in, but you have to cut her name. Connor, cut mum. Cut mum, that's what you're saying. OK, well, we're going to do something for the 3K. This is it. Yeah, I'll have to call mum, don't I? Yeah, yeah, Matt's going to call... We'll call her Jono. Let's call her Jono. No, I was just calling mum. We'll just call her mum. And mum Brown. Mum Brown. I don't think she's going to answer, but do you have a number? No, I don't. I thought you had it once. OK, I can get her numbers. I'm going to get her my phone. All right. How do we do that? I have to pause the... Can we call your dad and tell him we're going to play golf with him, but then not? No, OK. Let's call triple-O. Let's call triple-O. No. We used to. Remember when we used to? Yeah, I know, but... We used to call her... We're not going to do that anymore, because we... that fucks the fucks... Oh, well, let's do the sponsors then, eh? OK. I think... but we will call mum. I'll get the number out soon. Thank you. Sorry. Hi, guys. Hates me. Look, I just want you to know that you're not alone. All right? There are so many people out there who feel like you feel. There's a whole community out there, a community who listens to us. You can talk to them. Anyone who listens to this podcast is in the same boat. It's a village of people. They're all hairy, fucked up. And there's a solution. All right? Life's hard, man. I know. I know it's hard. But there are things you can do to make it less hard. You can do it. You can go to manscape.com and buy their latest lawn trimmer, lawn mower. Yeah, it's a lawn mower. It's actually a lawn mower. The latest lawn mower, 5.0, I believe they're up to. OK, 5 lawn mower. It's actually a fucking robot the way you fucking cleaned your body, bro. It's got AI. And you can start using that to snip away the hair. And you watch as you snip away the hair. You close your eyes and you feel the stresses of life also being snipped away. Plus, then you can go out and get your fucking sucked clean off by a big, fat, and fucking pay for it. And she won't have pubes all through a snout. So go to manscape.com and use that. This can't go fully actual 20 to get 20% off. So you can go and get your shit sucked on, sucked clean off and your fucking drain into it. $50 down at the tavern. You also have a clean feeling down there. You're helping hookers. And you will feel better in the head, OK? Your hair carries stress and bad vibes. Shave it off and you watch your life improve. Fully actual 20, 20% off. Link in the description. Go to fucking manscape and change your fucking life. And tell us about the hookers, bitch. I want to hear some hookers. Hookers suck in. BEEP. It's also for women. Hookers suck in. BEEP. Hookers suck in. BEEP. It's also for women, OK? Yeah, yeah. So if you're a woman, obviously don't have a BEEP to suck. But you can still go to the hookers just to play chess with them. Or the woman could buy it and then when she goes to do the deed, they could shave it for them. Or the woman could become a hooker. Yeah. A woman become a hooker once she snipped all her hair off her scrams. So if you're a male, you use manscaped and you get to fuck hookers. And if you're a female, you'll use manscaped and you'll become a hooker. Become a hooker. Slippery little hooker pussy. Matt loves a little hooker. Matt loves hooker pussy. A rugby league hooker. And of course, ages. AG1. A lot of you out there are dying. You're dying every day. You make bad decisions. And every bad decision is slowly killing you. Death rates are on the rise for some weird reason. Everything is rising. All health issues are rising, rising. And you're making bad, stupid choices. Don't point at me. And AG1 has 75 vital nutrients and minerals to help you. That's 100. Don't be flushed this shit out of your fucking corpse. Is that what you want, a corpse? Cos that's what you have. Helps you function, right? It's a daily powder you have. You mix it with a bit of water, you skull it. It's delicious. And 75 vital nutrients and minerals that are so bioavailable that the owner of it, the creator, has extended his life. He's the life expectancy. He's up to 250. Is he called the creator? Yes. His full name is The Creator. He's in a movie recently. Use that discount code. Fully actual for a free travel prank. Link is in the description. It's a monthly subscription. It rocks up at your front door. You sign up. You fucking forget about it. You have it every day. And you watch your health thrive. And then you watch your mind explode with fucking pleasure. Thoughts look like the colour. Yeah. It's also green. So that is correct, Matt. Look, AG1. Health, health I've realised, especially after the beginning of this year, is vital. Vital. As soon as we sorted my health issues, got on top of it by going down the genetic methylation testing shit, which I explained last week for those who haven't owned, I've felt so much better. And it bleeds into all areas of life. Everything is better now. I feel like your bullying has stopped a bit. See, I'm less angry. You're much more considerate about other people's feelings. My mood is consistent now. And it just feeds everything. Everything's thriving now. My sperm is thick and full and foley and fucked. You're a lot more happy to see me. Yeah, just more energy and shit. So like, you know, you might not even know it. You fucking feel like shit. You think it's normal. Most people do. You say goodbye to me. You think it's normal. Fitting there. Oh, there's nothing wrong with me. You got a fucking bear sitting on your gut. You haven't said anything bad about my mum. That's mum. Fuck. This makes it so you can have more beers. Yeah. Count of the damage from the beers with a bit of AG1. All right, let's fucking smash your fat fucking bong. And come back with our fucking pussy fussy little boys. Bitch bong it up. Just so everyone knows, it was Luke who watched Gilmore Girls as well. Oh! Man! There are a lot of Luke's out there. If there are, all the wrong. Alright, look, look, look, look, look, look. The fussy little boys, we're still, James is still prepping the food a little bit. Alright, so we're gonna jump into the voicemail segment and do the fussy little boys. Matt's gonna have an EG word. Alright, actually let's do Trauma Trivia, I reckon. It's because there's more people watching at the start of the podcast. So it's good to get the good ones in first. I've got to do work. You should have been more organized, Brown. I asked you if I could have one as well. Did you? In German though, so maybe you didn't understand. Is that what that shit was? Can you bring me one too, please? That was actually nice. Shut up with that big, lightened bitch. Alright guys, we got Trauma Trivia. Hit it, Brown. Hit it like a bitch. Yeah, hit it like it's stolen from you. Trauma Trivia. Trauma Trivia. Great, that's really great, good quality. That's a good jingle. This is a segment where Matt asks questions and we have to answer if we get them wrong. We get a punishment. Who would like to pick? Who would like to pick? Who would like to pick? Who would like to pick? Rock. Marty gets to pick first. Marty gets to pick. Marty gets to pick. One from the hat. One from the hat. It's a little cat. Dead or alive. Cause I'm wanted. That's getting way too into this segment. Dead or alive. It's going to be movie related. Cause I'm a brown boy. To all actors and shit. I'm a steel horse I ride. Here we go, here we go. Fuck for a bit. Fucking hell. Alright, would you like to know the punishment? Dead or alive. What do we got tonight mate? So today's punishment is thong. Or jandal. Or flip flop. Depending where you're from. I think people are just from where they are man. Yeah, but where you're from like. You know what I mean? What do they call these in Germany? I have to cook like I'm a thorn. I have to cook like a flattened thorn. Fuck off they call that. That's gibberish. That's a hundred percent. If that's real then. Is that real? I'm not telling you because that's hurting my feelings. Sorry. Okay. Dead or alive. Dead or alive. Here we go. Here we go. Question one. Question one. Who goes first? Marty goes first. Alright. Ian McCullen who plays Gandalf the Grey. Dead. Is he dead or is he alive? Gandalf the Grey is in Lord of the Rings. Dead. Oh fuck you man. Oh shit. Wait cut. Wait I gave you guys things to write on. Oh shit baby. Like get the fuck with that. Yeah I've got you there. So I can't remember. But somebody, fuck I'm so sorry who ever suggested it. But we did go with that suggestion. So you can write your answers and then you can flip them around. You better not cheat and copy me. This way I won't cheat. So Ian McCullen who plays Gandalf in Lord of the Rings. He also is in Dead or Alive. Ready? Yeah. Three, two, one. Reveal. Camera. We have both said dead. So we have both right? No he is alive and well he's 84 years old. No way. That was cool. That was actually pretty. Really? He's way alive. I thought he was dead. He does get mixed up with the guy who plays in Harry Potter. Frodo. Harry Potter. Frodo. No Harry Potter. Oh yeah that died there. Fuck I've forgotten his name. That's yours. So we both have to get swarmed by this thing. You both get a punishment. Both get a thonging. Do you want to go first? Stop fucking drawing you need to... I became an artist for a bit. I know. You want to see it? Yeah maybe this is a bad idea giving you this. I haven't hit me man. I haven't made any sense that drawing. It's a shit drawing idiot. You got to lose stool. You got to lose stool because you die it's shit. Rice boy. Rice boy. You're a stupid rice boy. You're a stupid rice boy. Ahhhh. Put my halala out of there. Oh man my shoulder blade hurts now. Must be the same spot. Pick your spot and it will be the same spot for all hits. I wanted you to go first because I didn't want you to see me stand up. So I can talk my whole body into this son of a bitch. So I'm going to swing as hard as I can and try to get through your bone. Dude don't break my femur. Ahhhh don't break the femur. You can't. Dude don't snap the femur. That's illegal just thong. Oh don't hit my kneecap you psycho. You're fucking giving me the heebie jeeps. Don't. Oh no. Please. Please I'm sorry. Oh dude it stinks. It stinks. You look like Floyd. Doesn't that look like a Floyd? Floyd Mayweather. Alright next question number two. Question number two is for you. Michael? Yeah. Ready? Tell me. Singer, singer, singer, Tina Turner. Dead or Alive. Tina Turner. She sings that we don't need another hero. I think she sings that fuck. Anyway she was in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome great film. Are you ready Marty? Yeah. Three, two, one. I've said dead what Michael said. Dead. You both are correct. Yes that makes none of us get hit. She died in 2023. How did she die again? She was swooped by an eagle. It was a late abortion. I'm pretty sure I was swooped by an eagle. Alright next question my little homing missile. The 23rd Prime Minister of Australia Bob Hawke famously sculled a beer at the cricket once. Is he dead or alive? 23rd Prime Minister Bob Hawke. Dead or Alive. Cause I wanted. Three, two, one. I've written dead. That is correct. Yes. He died in 2019. He died from too much milk. Too much milk. A shark got him. Yeah. Too much milk. A shark got him. Wrong Prime Minister. Same thing. Alright. Here we go. He's the flustered host. Yeah. Alright. Aussie tennis star Pat Cash. Alive or dead? He f***ed his sister. Ready? Pat Cash f***ed his sister. Yeah. Pat Cash f***ed his sister. Oh wow. You're both very good at this game. We're both right again. We really get some wrong. People want to see us get hurt bad baby. Pat Cash did not f*** his sister Michael. That is not true. Don't believe that everyone here. Michael's trying to start rumors again. You said that. Julie Andrews who plays Mary Poppins and she's in the sound of music. Alive or dead? Musicals are so shit. Like don't stop movies. For f***ing. Alive or dead Marty. So you can f***ing sing a song for three minutes. Alive or dead Marty. So shit. I love it. Sound of music is great. Are we both saying the same thing? Yeah. She's not dead. She is alive. 80, 80 years old. She's f***ing hanging in there. She's done well. She's magical. That's why. Yeah. Mary Poppins is f***ing. Here you go. Give us a slog little flying. I want to do the standing technique. You're on my back. I see. But you didn't do it the first time because I knew you'd do it too. If I'd done it first, you saw me go first. Ha ha ha. Oh. Hooker pussy. Drago hooker pussy across your chest. Oh my little craving. Oh you're my little craving pocket. Oh you're dancing for me. Oh my little dear fling. Ah Klayla. You kind of miss it. F*** that still hurts. Okay that really wasn't too bad. I got off easy twice now. Twice in a row. And now it's your f***ing turn. Yeah you really let the ball drop though. I didn't even react. Shit. Oh you have to hit the same spot again. Light bleeding in the capillaries. Just breathe. Just breathe your way through it. Oh my god you hit my finger. How did you f***ing miss that arm? I think you put your finger out there. It was here. Oh man. It's such a f***ing sting. It's a sting cling baby wing. Alright man that was hectic Phil. We're pretty good at dead or alive eh? Yeah so what's the, you're equal. No one's really won anything yet have they? No. Alright. We'll just keep going until someone, it's pretty much until someone f***s up and then we have a winner. Yeah until there's an outright winner. Alright. The 37th US president Richard Nixon. Dead or alive. Interesting. I did. I wanted. Dead or alive. Cause I'm a brown boy. On a steel horse. I know this one so. If you've got any other words on your sheet that you get disqualified. Yeah you get disqualified. Alright ready? 3, 2, 1. Reveal. Yeah very good boys dead. Yeah. Alright. Yeah baby. Next we'll keep this going. Edmund Lindek. Say no more you know let's say who that is. Edmund Lindek. Who's a f***? Yeah I don't know who that is. He is an actor best known by you guys from Big Natty. Who's Big Natty? Big Daddy. Big Natty. God you f***ing stone f***. Big Natty would be such a gross big guy. He has the famous line that says last night was a fluke. Oh dude. Your woman name? Now Michael knows who that is. Yeah you know who that is. Yeah I didn't know who that was until you said that. You would have made it much harder. 3, 2, 1. He's dead. He's so old. Dead is he? Yeah yeah I just thought cause he's that old already in that movie. Oh man very good f***ing. That's the best scene of Big Daddy. You constantly quote that. Last night I was a fluke woman. Bring it on. That's one of Michael's favourite bits. Of all time. I'm just going to go with someone you're not going to know. Bob Hoskins. Actor dead or alive. Actor dead or alive. 3, 2, 1 reveal. No you're both wrong. He's dead. You have to get another punishment. I'm going to slap the sh** out of your leg baby. Dang sh**. Don't touch. Drawing on me. I'm not a f***ing kid. Drawing on me is so good. It's so hard to get off late at night. Or you go to scrap for days. Come on get up and hit me. I'm a little pussy boy. I'm a little trench. Your bathtub water? You want to drink your bathtub water? Yeah you can drink your bathtub. Put a straw in it. Oh my God. Oh my God. My God. Don't insult my intelligence. I'm sorry. I might not know what love is. I am a smart man. I'm a smart man. I'm a smart man. I'm a smart man. I'm a smart man. Oh sh**. I'm scared. I'm sorry. I loosened the wrist and extended through. How many more? Surely that's it. Maybe it's a dead heat this week. I reckon shake hands on that one. We back to sportsman at rock and we fucking get on with it all the time. We fucking stop the fight and you and I make a choice right here. We stop the fight and right. We move forward. That's the truth. And that's the truth. Yeah. Okay. That's the truth. And that's the truth. All right. Everyone. That is trauma trivia. Don't forget to spin the wheel of faith at home and let us know what you end up on. Yeah, it's good to spin a wheel. Just make a wheel of faith up and spin the shit out of it and whatever it lands on is what you call your fucking family from now on. Connor. Connor. Matt's wheel of faith landed him on Connor. So he's going to call his family Connor from now on. Give me a little tickle of that. Give me a little tickle. Pull his leg out and he goes, oh, really delayed like that. Imagine if he lied the lie and his arm sets on fire. So all right guys, it is time for one of the most insane segments of the season. It's time Michael and Matt are both fussy, fussy fuckwits. They barely eat a thing unless it's in their perfect conditions. It's weird. Anyway, we're going to see who's fussier with our fussy little boys. Hit it, Brown. Hit it like it's a hooker that's ripped you off. You tried to fuck her and she hit your fucking way and said, no, you haven't paid enough money. You were under the impression you had. Very good. All right, James, come on down. What are the boys going to eat today? I'm actually excited. No, I'm actually like, I've never had this before, but I'm keen to try it. I'm sad about this one. I don't like this at all. Oh, can you smell it? Or is that just me smelling sniffing things? Would you eat this, James? So what do you reckon, James? So James has had some? It's not my favourite food. Oh really? So all right, let's talk about what it's made of once it's been revealed. You know, your boys and I was fucking in St. Paddy's Day yesterday, right? Yeah. So one of the things that is quite common food in Ireland is blood sausage. Blood sausage. Yeah. Blood forced. Blood sausage. Yeah. That's a sausage made of blood. Look at that. Look how slimy it is, Michael. Look how slimy it is. Can you show the end? This is the worst. These are slimy black sausages. Slimy black sausages. And you have to eat them. That is cooked blood. Do you understand? Cooked blood. Say it, Matt. Cooked blood. It's made from obviously beef blood is the main ingredients. There's a shitload of beef blood and they wait until it gets really gelatinous and jelly-like. And then they also mix in some cereal, like a grain-style thing. And they also have lots of fat, lots of like pure fat from the pig and the cow. Fat flavour. Fat is the flavour. My uric acid is going to go through the roof. I want to actually taste a little bit. It smells quite nice. Oh my fucking god. Do you know what it is? It's not bad. Is it warm? Salty. I'm eating cold sausage. It's cold. It's a very cold sausage. Oh my god. Is it really? Yeah, it's delicious. It's nice and salty, but just remember it is blood. When do I go? When I go. One at a time. Matt, you go first. That's blood and fat. That's just pretty good. It's good. It's blood, dude. You can't say that it's good. You're eating a cow. Eat more, Matt. It's a pig. Oh my god. It's bite a big mouthful of the big black sausage. I don't know. Yeah, it's time to overwhelm him. It's stinky blood. Oh, it's been left. It's been left in a vat to harden. Then they scoop it up and put it in the fridge. I won't be able to do this if you keep lying. It's got a virus. The cow had a virus and it's blood. It had cancer. There's cancer cells in there. Do you have mad cow disease? Fucking fat, pig fat through it. Salamonella cow. Come on, Michael. Salamonella cow. Come on, Michael. Have the blood. Have the cooked blood. Be a cow. Blood. Blood. Blood. Thick. Thick blood. Thick, dark blood in your mouth. It's like you're a vampire right now sucking a cow. You've bitten into a throat. Pitch your favorite cow. What blood? Pitch your favorite cow. Cooling in your throat. Your favorite cow is your swallow. Jelly, jiggling jelly. Happy cow in the meadows. Pitch of the hardened blood jiggling like that. Licking your hand in friendship. Dead cow in the back with flies on its back. Fries all over the blood. Worms out its ass. Worms dripping out of its butt. Worms dripping out of its butt hole. Yeah. My cut. My cut. I can smell it in me breath. He's a fussy boy. I can smell the blood on my breath. Four. Matt, what did you give it out of ten? I gave it like a six. It was actually pretty good. If you can give it a six. If you can give it a six have a yeah, I'll have another one I know that Bob it's pretty fucked. Is he vomiting? Did you like the blood the thick jelly blood Blood with fat bits in it sick dead cow in the back with maggots on her blood. Oh Oh Bloody sausage covered in fat covered in fat and oil bloody sausage Okay, let's let's let's we're losing control. We're losing control That does Matt looks like a fucking like a Easy fucking microphone so Matt, what do you score that on the fussy on the flavor sky? I wasn't too bad for me six out of ten six out of ten It's not a good sausage, so it's the worst one we've had so far easy easy Yep The texture it was like your it was dog food. I ate dog food that it's like bloody Now is it it was in my throat and then a gag reflex occurred just now you've got it wants to digest It turns back in a blood in your belly. I'm gonna have my period. You're gonna have blood in you're gonna shit blood sausage Thank you Oh, and that sticky is our fussy little boy We're gonna have a little bong break really quick little fucking bong break So Matt can go and milk himself and we'll be right back with the voicemail segment as well as prank What would you have done if you came back in and those are shit in the middle of the floor then What would you have done? I don't know I just thought why I'd love to see like why Like the shit content is it's just not for me Like I struggle with your shit content. It's just not for me. It's not it's not in my DNA It's not for everyone, but it's for someone and so that's why I would be like why Yeah, but that why so you couldn't see the humor in leaving a room and then coming back into a room You need to spend like the next hour in and there's a shit in the middle of the floor Yeah, I can see the funny side of it, but I just don't know why My mates in Sydney that we're explaining from the time when we were in South America They're like dude, I remember of you is one time you just got up in the morning And just went back and forth in the room saying I need to shit Wake everyone up everyone told you to go into the bathroom to shit But instead of going into the bathroom to shit, I just shut in the middle of the room Don't even ask me Remember doing that but just thought it was okay at the time and now realize that's pretty far. Sorry. He's like Cleaned it then I think I like I think Henry ended up cleaning it I'm happy with you. I Would have made you clean it. Oh man. There was no there's no world where you would be able to say no to me But what if Henry's there to do it? No, I wouldn't make him do it. I'll be like, no Henry It's not your shit. Henry's a good mate Henry is a good dude. But yeah, there you go that reminded me of that story It is a good way to like bond with people. We should do that for a website video. I just don't like we'll just call it doing Going to like a scenario or a place or a room You're taking shits in really weird places We're doing that Would you things gonna come off would you do a shit if we told you to do a shit and we gave you how much money Would it take for you to do a shit on camera? I'm not doing it. What if we gave you $500 50 dollars? To get to get my telling him is cheap to get my talents. You're gonna have to go higher $55. No, I like I'm talking. It's got to be into the thousands. I'm not doing it $165 no You're a racist. No No, three grand. Yes Okay, three grand to do a shit. I'd fucking watch I'd pay you three grand what you do Do a clip in that video? Would you do it? Like I reckon no swimming swimming in a public pool. No, what about our pool? Would you do an apple? Yes, what about it the movies or if we went to the movies? No, and we asked you there to do a shit the movie Yeah, no way the movie theater is like a temple to me That's a price. That's a price. All right, we'll give you three and a half K if you do it in the movies In the cinema Really Swimming you'll do it for 3k in the pool or what about running at full speed? No You wouldn't do a shit so 3k you'd swim and watch it dissipate out of your ass in the in the water But we wouldn't be able to sprint and do a shit. No, what would you do it at a public pool? I can't sprint as it is anyway. We can do it at a public pool. No So just at home in the bathtub. We're not listening. No, you already went through this No, I reckon we do it at our pool, but yeah, we're getting rested if we did in public pool No, no, I don't they just say you had an accident. No, true happens all the time. You guys can do that It's just natural. It's natural. It's waste natural. Yeah, I'm like, what's what do you grossed out about it's a natural thing It is actually cheating is cool. Oh, that's the video idea. It's happening in Brown. You'll have to do that Shit Troy's doing shit I would not watch that People have sent shits before you can't watch them. I can imagine like doing that on a oh playing tennis in a tournament Pissed mates with a tallie standing up to the side Oh It's a 3k the limit for brown to do a shit. It's good to know swimming swimming's fine And yeah, it's not like out in public. It's our pool would be fine I mean chatting with a girlfriend. I think I know the money limits for me to do embarrassing things So okay. Oh, did you have to decide it with her? No, no, no I just remember I've asked a few times and different things and I think I can Judge what we do we saying way under what she was he's saying and Then you had to get me in the middle. No, I thought you would say higher on a few things I come what we had a few the other day. I come over there were Think was it? Oh, no, it was growing my hair for a year Like I think What the price was I think she got I think we're like 5k and she was like, yeah Yeah, dude, that would be so funny But how would we police that because you just yeah, you can try me while we're not around you'll know No, I reckon man. Do you have a stringy? No? Oh, no, no, it would be after a week You'd know because you can just see how it's growing If I trim it fucking buddy, man, imagine at the beginning of the season I rather 3k to watch him shit Yeah, I would if he did it in public. Oh, yeah, or even I'd love to see him. Oh, no swimming I'd like to yeah swimming's probably not that intimate doing shit in something. It's a bit like Like maybe playing worms What shitting we're working on the cow sleeping together and do it shit. Oh I can be a clip Oh my god, he's doing shit. Oh, it's poking. It's poking out. That's so fucking funny. Good night, bro That's so funny Massive shit in the middle of a bath dude, that is a funny clip It is so good and then like it goes to like daytime. It shows all the shit to you like Michael Michael Michael that's shit Exactly it is Alright, let's move on fuck me. We're fucking. I'm so sorry everyone. This has gotten out of hand. All right guys It's time if you want to see that hang on. I'm not gonna talk about movies, but you can talk about shit. Dude, that's our So it's movies It's us. Sorry. Let's get on with it. Anyway Look, we're gonna move on to a voicemail segment And if you want to leave us a story and as long as it's short and not too fucked up because we've had to remove some From the YouTube version. So sorry about that But yes, there's just some that are like they're a bit too. I think one of the We had to remove one of the fucking Costa Ricans. Yeah, one of the Costa Ricans got loose in the basement Yeah, and to get get here. We had to send someone down for it. Get get it chopped up and taken out. Hey Anyway, so leave us things texts and Calls and all sorts of shit. Our number is oh four six six six o two three. Oh three We also have what's up now? That's right. And that number is in the What's up in the description of what's up? It's oh four six triple six two three oh three I've memorized it on me. I'll let you guys know. So hit it Matt. Oh She's spooked ya There you go, yeah, I get to tell you the truth people leave us some weird shit I'll tell you the truth, dude, or he she them them day Yeah, I I really get any of that and I get a lot of love messages. So now some exciting things that you have been sending Matt Is really cool. He's we actually got sent and I found out this morning a Ping pong ball put in a four Organ yeah, I guess can we say for school? Yes. Anyway, they've put the ping pong ball in their It was two-thirds of the way over Remember I said in that episode we have to pay for someone's flights to come and see us if they can do it if it's an apple Apple that's right. Yeah. So yeah, so that so if you can wrap a foreskin around an entire apple It has to be a normal sized apple. I'm not talking some freak tiny little weird thing. Don't hurt yourself It's okay if it needs to tear to get over do it and send us if you can Pay for your flights and you come and do it on a website video for us Yep, and we'll get you some a g1 because that'll fix your right up. Oh, bro Now this is I'm not sure about and I need you guys to help me out here because I listened to this and I was like Is this real life or is this like a glitch in the matrix get ready? What was that? Matt's being Never slept together and the key for long story short I didn't trust her to start off with so She come back to me She sat at my house, and I don't I didn't trust her so anyway A few weeks ago. She called me out the blue and I said, oh, you know how are you? And she goes, oh, I've got some bad news to it. I said, oh, what's that? And she goes, oh, I've got commedia Shit And she goes, oh, you better get yourself tested Well, let me tell you we never slept together so good luck. Oh my anyway, boy That's my story a bit of a bit of a funny one I thought I couldn't my mate was there when I received the call We had a long ass Oh So she's what a drama she couldn't even remember who she slept with I thought he was having his own Is that a real story? All right, oh man, how's it going when you're gonna come? Sorry, I thought that story was gonna go differently, but um, yeah, I guess that happens Sorry, yeah, that's that sucks man. What a well, maybe she's confused of what chlamydia is and how you catch it Surely not. You know, I don't know people are dumb. Now. We've got something else that needs to be addressed and this is pretty crazy so Yeah, we did request for some unalive people's stories if you've come across them or you've found a dead body You mean yeah, I guess can we say that? Very very very very good anyway Hey boys dead dead body story I was gonna leave a voicemail, but if my voice gets recognized by people at work. I could lose my job Oh shit, you know, it's gonna be good. Oh, yeah I'm a firefighter. So I've seen many many dead bodies But this but the worst one that always comes to mind is a teenager on her red peas in a car crash She was driving home from a night out and she crashed her car on the top and half of her skull Was folded back and her brains were exposed. Oh my god And since I'm a fit in a fairly small town. I actually knew who she was. She went to school with her Up to use if you put it in the podcast that is definitely that is hectic Mr. Ballant Knew them as well like imagine you just saw someone from school and they're dead Do you know mr. Ballant? He covered the same story that same story exactly the same exact same one So there you go that confirms that we are mr. Ballant Something I realized too. I don't like it a mr. Ballant because I listened him to fall asleep, right? And his ads reads and he's a really Loud and I'm just like it's so frustrating because then I have to like get up and turn it down And then it's the story starting to get up and turn it back up again. Oh, it's fucking annoying. Hey Yeah, so I made me think like I think that's because they're recorded on a separate day Sorry, I'm nothing. He's just really high energy when he's doing the ad reads But it made me think of our screaming segment and when people listen to our podcast to fall asleep That would have been so shit. Oh Well, I've had since comments saying I've woken up to you guys screaming people have said my family's been woken up by you guys But never they don't seem negative Screaming Oh Just really yeah that we are yeah, we're pretty much shit worse than mr. Ballant man drink a g1 All right now and obviously we finish every like ring him with your ring segment with a call to someone who fuck Has now only defied her boyfriend and made it so sad for him But she started to not answer our calls. Yeah, which is ignoring which is rude. It's it's possibly it's sexual And I might go to the cops and if you don't know what we're talking about we've been calling a lady called Emily every week and she She had boyfriend wants to tell us a story and chat to us, but she just won't She's just so selfish. She just doesn't allow it to happen. She's making it all about her. She won't comply It's it's sexual harassment. Is that what you're getting at? Yeah It's it's sexual harassment. It's Emily's. I hope when I like destroying their relationship Well, yeah, I guess Emily's technically matter. It's actually harassing us. Yeah, exactly. So all right So Emily will give you another chance and just see how you go This is unbelievable She's rude. I don't get this. It's just rude. Yeah, imagine if your father did this to you You are calling. Let's leave a message. Please leave a short message and it will be sent as an audio message All you had to do is find a ball and play with it And you would have spoken to your boyfriend, but you've gone and you're being concrete without water And you're ignoring it and we're not fans of it. Now stop it That's fair. That's that's fine what we said there now I'm just gonna throw it out there. What do you guys think about this? We give Bailey the boyfriend a chance and we try and contact him directly and we convince him that if he Hasn't broken up with Emily already. He should yeah, maybe we should get him to break up Matt. I reckon we call Bailey Okay She's all right, she's called it. All right, she's she's winning at the moment. We need to call back We're gonna call Bailey her boyfriend if this is how it's gonna be we are breaking the Because the treaty I know but she hasn't answered last week. She hasn't answered this way. She's winning We've got it. We've got to progress somehow. She's playing hard to get Let's see if we can destroy our life a little bit like she's destroying ours Now one thing I've got to find out is um her date of birth and her address Well and wait exactly Matt, oh That'll be used as the teaser Here we go. I found these messages which he sent last was you've called Emily And she has let us all down and call me back on this number. Fuck you as well Michael You told her I'm gay and I don't love her Look in the moment We lashed out maybe there might not be truth in that but like I'm sorry. Maybe she's like just like just over us Well, okay, well, that's why if he hasn't broken up with her already we convince him after it We'll let him have his story time because he really wants to tell us a bender story and then we Attack attack and tell him we parade him with you know, you have to leave You leave her behind. Okay. Here we go Oh Do you know what's been happening lately Bailey? Fucking Emily now we've got tried to call her and she just won't even answer now Two weeks in a row Bailey We were gonna let you sell your story and then we're gonna come but we're gonna like the condition is you have to break up with so That's already happened. Yeah, so you don't get to Yes Oh, wow Well, fuck man, I can't believe you should have called earlier or tried to get in contact Hang on hang on hang on this is Emily's fault don't you dare Consequences She's gone now. She's she's probably happier cuz you know, she needed to be alone to grow. She's probably drunk Wow We might ring you every week. Yeah, dude. This is good. I feel confident So I keep on taking this MD and I keep on forgetting I was taken and then I ended up overdosing ended up in the hospital What does that feel like ODing on a He forgot, you know, you know when you're coming on. Yeah, this picture that like Times 10 you forget. Well, you know, honestly, I don't really remember I just remember like three days later in the hospital to me mom like look at me. I want the fuck of you Don't I said fuck. I don't know and then She said all there's the police have been waiting at the front of law the scene because the boys didn't like check me fuckers and then like couple couple weeks later I thought it was all good. It's the same thing. I was taking him down I kept on forgetting when I was having some and no one knew like oh my god So I kept on taking it every like 10 minutes like a big amount And then I ended up wigging out and like I had to go to hospital because it's like I kept on just again Well, I was doing it. Yeah, it's rough. Do you want me to talk about a story about he's kept on like sending alarms on your phone Yeah We've done the same thing we want to spend them in my mate send an alarm to every 30 minutes to take one and we got that Cool, we we forgot we thought we were missing the alarm. So we just kept on taking them Oh my god Really crazy The story I was gonna tell you this was the bender story So one time we were all drinking and we make change from and you shouldn't drink rum because you like blacks out Level 17 and we'll drive them like these cars illegally and then I'm in the coming to in front of this highlights. I've looked in the revision mirror I've seen these highlights do like six or seven barrel rolls because they flip the Cliffted dream driving and then he got rushed to the hospital got like a brain bleed and that and then We all ended up back at the same house like the next day still on the bender. Oh my god He got like let go from the hospital and he's locked up. He's walked in the door He's opened the door and we're like thinking oh the fucksies and it's him Still with the wristband on from the hospital is gone. Oh, what the fuck do you do with him? What do you do? Fuck don't what's going there. Oh, wow Is he still alive that guy? No, he's fully fully committed. He's dead now. Is he dead? No I Got stories backed up forever. She's ever if you ever need a like a segment Look, it will be a band of stories. Yeah, Bailey's bender story. I'm very impressed You've done what you should have done which Emily's out of the picture now. I reckon look we'll call you each week Yeah She sounded like I can I can run your tinder for you shot. Do you want me to run your tinder for you Bailey? Okay, he's not up to the tinder yet. He won't know what that is. Yeah, you won't even know you that's a little treat for Season five is exciting It's like we're in the past with Bailey right now. Thank you Bailey your fucking legend will talk to you soon Make sure you stay away from Emily Well, yeah, we wanted to do it sooner it was just Emily. We'll see you dude I love you We've got a new segment. Yeah, let's look leave in the comments if you think Bailey's bender stories is good. Not a bad start. Yeah. Well, that was fucking out. Heck is a shit, bitch It's heck is a shit. He could have a one of those companies that take you on pub crawls They're called Bailey's benders. I can't it's good to know like when you just in sync with that energy like he knew He's he if he was to speak he had to have already broken up with it and he'd already done it Yeah, I feel that guy could walk into like our circle and just immediately fit in as long as Emily's away So they're very good That's the fucking now voicemail saying when if you want to leave a voicemail call us on 046 6 0 2 3 0 3 Hmm Also, if you want to send anything to our PO box Yeah, we open everything live on the podcast. We'll do a second. We'll do it every month or so So if you want to send us anything send it to PO box 2 5 6 take them 4 0 1 8 Queensland Is there anything like that for clients? Yeah, what's the next for client? It's prank call Your time is there for us to waste picking up the phone was your first Time And I'm gonna call just demand that they do We're gonna do some other prank calls, but they're not answering no one ever answers their phone So it's the way of the new world. We're just gonna call a service station and we're just gonna tell the employees to do Hey, bro, how are you are you at work right now? Wait wait do a shit bro wait or I can do a shit bro and film it do a shit Do a shit Bro if you did a shit, it'll be fucking hectic as shit man try it do shit do shit at work, bro I think it was the exact same voice as his boss So convincing like you make people want to do shit, so I think Okay, I'm excited leave I'm just leaving this number on not private as well Oh, yeah, it's me. Oh, yeah, you work right now Sorry, wait, I reckon you should do shit. Seriously do shit at work and fucking hilarious Why do shit are their customers just quickly do a shit are I can Think of the people's faces when they say just do a shit are I can Listen I can do a shit like pull your pants out and do shit on the floor. Don't say anything not don't say anything about it Just do a shit There's something scary when it's a female Oh, yeah, that way bro, but there are many customers in there right now. Yeah, yeah No, oh perfect. We do do a shit do shit on the ones in there And then imagine their faces when they come in bro quickly do shit do shit on there Bro you picturing it. It's pretty pissed out and do a shit Are you doing bro? If you don't film it man, or he can do shit, bro Fucking up your mad mad. They come in they smell Oh No one in his shop. He's like I could do a shit No If we can pull put forward any message out there is everyone do it shit fucking do a shit everyone Fucking shit. That's our legacy. That's what we were message really behind do a shit man to shit Oh No Thank you for listening don't forget to leave gives five star review on Spotify and like comment and subscribe Please like comment subscribe just takes a second Let's give that thumbs up a little squeeze it and then we're all happy because it looks like things are going Let's up in next week. We'll call Matt's mom and he will confess what he did next week I will ring mom for the start of the podcast And yeah You