 According to clinical social worker Leah Aguere, trauma impact how we view ourselves and the world at large, which in turn influences how we relate and respond to other people. So it should come as no surprise that trauma can lead us to develop maladaptive behaviors and thought patterns that hinder us from having healthy and meaningful relationships with those around us, be it romantic or platonic. Although the American Psychological Association's clinical definition of trauma includes only life-threatening experiences such as disasters, accidents, assault, and so on, Aguere explains that trauma can be generalized to mean any stressful event or experience that threatens one's sense of physical or emotional safety and well-being. So it's important to keep in mind that trauma can be subjective, and it can impact us in different ways. If you have unhealed trauma, you may engage in behaviors and thought patterns that are damaging to your relationships without even realizing it. Want to know more? Here are five ways that trauma can ruin your love life, according to experts. 1. Lack of Trust The nature of the trauma experienced can sometimes lead you to develop strong feelings of mistrust in yourself or towards others, such as if you were abused, mugged, or assaulted. This can make you view the world as a dangerous place. Question the intentions of others and constantly seek out warning signs, says Aguere. But that sense of safety and security is important in building a strong foundation for our romantic relationships because without it, there can be no true closeness or emotional intimacy. 2. Low Self-Esteem Another way trauma can impact your love life is by diminishing your sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Experiencing trauma, says clinical psychologist Dr. Randy Gunther, will naturally make us feel sad and down, which can worsen into feelings of shame and self-limiting beliefs. You may feel that you're at fault for what happened, that you deserved it for some reason, or that you should have done more to stop it or fight against it. These harmful beliefs will often lead to thoughts that you shouldn't be in a happy relationship or that you're not good enough for the person you love. And because of the sense of familiarity it gives, you may also find comfort in validation and toxic relationships. 3. Controlling Behaviors According to clinical psychologist and self-help author Dr. Jill P. Webber, trauma can lead to unhealthy relationship behaviors such as clinginess, dependency, and being overly controlling towards one's significant other. This is especially common if the trauma is related to betrayal, such as cheating in past romantic relationships. It's not uncommon for those who were cheated on and those who cheated to develop a strong need to always keep in touch with their partners and even try to control what they do, where they go, and who they spend time with. 4. Conflict aversion Similar to our previous point, Dr. Webber explains that people who suffered from emotional abuse in the past may become extremely conflict averse. This is harmful for relationships because couples need to learn how to resolve disagreements in a healthy way, not avoid them. Conflict is also necessary to learn how compatible you are with your partner in terms of your values and goals. But if you're still suffering from emotional trauma, you may feel panicked by the thought of conflict and be triggered by the slightest of disagreements. As a result, you might ignore red flags, people pleas, and repress your true feelings for as long as you can. But until you learn to work things out with your partner, your relationships are bound to suffer. 5. Loneliness Finally, arguably one of the most damaging ways trauma impacts your relationships is through the persistent feelings of loneliness and disconnection it can evoke. According to mental health care professional Leah Aguere, this is brought about by the underlying belief that no one else could ever truly understand what you've gone through, so it's difficult to feel connected to other people. Other examples of trauma induced loneliness include struggling to stay present in the company of your significant others, not feeling seen by them or not feeling like you belong with them, being unable to enjoy physical intimacy, and struggling to emotionally invest in the relationship. So what are your thoughts on this video? Do any of the things we've talked about here resonate with you? If you have unresolved trauma in your life that's hurting your relationships, know that there is hope and that it's possible to heal from your trauma. 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