 Mother, is Maxwell House the best coffee in the whole world? Well, your father says so, and your father knows best. Yes, it's Father Knows Best, transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert Young as father. A half-hour visit with your neighbors, the Anderson's, brought to you by Maxwell House. The coffee that's bought and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of coffee at any price. Maxwell House, always good to the last drop. It's a wise father that knows his own child. That's what Shakespeare said. But we'd like to go the bard of Avon one better. We'll say it's an even wiser father who knows when to leave his children alone. Jim Anderson, who lives in a white frame house on Maple Street, may not be the wisest man in the world, but he is a father, an average father, and that can lead to all sorts of things. Like this? Ah, she's goofy. I am not goofy. But leave Kathy alone and eat your breakfast. Well, who's going to give him six cents a pack for chewing gum? Lots of people. They think we're cute. Ah... Bud? Why should anybody think she's cute? Bud, I don't want to hear one more word out of you until you finish your cereal. But... Not one word. Holy cow. Mommy? Yes, dear? That was two words. Never mind, Kathleen. But you said... I said eat your breakfast. She was. Mother? What is it, Betty? Do you think this would be a good day to ask him? I don't know, dear. It depends. What's she trying to get now? Bud? I finished my cereal. Well, that's more like it. Now can I talk? I suppose so. What's she trying to get now? She needs a dress. Another one? Nobody asked you. She's got so many dresses. Now you can hardly get into the house. Mother? Good morning. Good morning. Why, Jim, you haven't shaved. May I please have a cup of coffee? If it isn't too much trouble... Of course, dear. But if you're going to the office, I certainly think... Naturally, I don't want to put anybody to any trouble. If it interferes with anybody's plans, we can skip the whole thing. All right, Jim. What's wrong now? Why, nothing? Nothing to worry about, anyway. After all, I'm a very unimportant person in this household. Jim... If everybody wants to use up all the hot water before I even get out of bed, go ahead. Oh, dear. Why worry about leaving hot water for father? He only lives here. I better go see if Joe... Stay right where you are, Bud, and finish your breakfast. Howard... But I just want to... You heard your mother, Bud. Sit down. Yes, Dad. I could understand it if it happened on a weekday, but on Saturday, they don't even have to go to school. Jim... Of course, there's no law that says I have to shave. Maybe you'd rather I got a job in the circus as a bearded lady. Jim, I'd have been only too glad to boil all the water here. Oh, sure. Other men can turn a tap and get rivers of hot water. But not me. I have to shave out of a frying pan. Father... Betty, please. This is not the time... All I ask is water enough for a shave. That isn't unreasonable, is it? But day after day, week after week... Betty wants a dress. Fine. And every time I try to shave, what happens? There isn't enough hot water to put a lather on... Is she what? Just wait, Kathy. That's all. Just wait. Well, don't you? Betty... Father, I can't wear that ol' rag to the Easter prom. I just can't. Why not? Everybody's seen it. Twice. I'll swap you my navy blue pinstripe. That's been around longer than you had. But, Father... You're not going to get a new dress, and that's final. Jumping creepers. Daddy! Here's your coffee, dear. Thank you. What is it, Kathy? Patty, Davis and I are going into business. Fine. We're going to ring people's doorbells and sell chewing gum. They're going to do no such thing. But, Daddy... That's practically begging, and I'll have no child of mine selling chewing gum from door to door. Jim, they've already bought two boxes. I have a position to maintain in this community, Margaret. And if you don't mind, I'd rather not discuss it. Gee whiz. Betty, why don't you and Button, Kathy, run upstairs and do whatever you have to do. I haven't got anything... But... Hmm? Oh, I better go upstairs. I've got things to do. Come on, Kathy. Everybody else's father lets himself sell chewing gum. I didn't use much hot water this morning, did you? I just took a shower, that's all. Jim, don't you think you're being a little severe with the children? I'm being no such thing. How would you feel if you couldn't shave when... Well, I'm not being severe with them at all. I think you owe them all an apology. I do. Honey, you don't seem to understand. I didn't do anything to them. They did it to me. They used a little extra hot water. That's all they did. You know, Margaret, there's only one thing wrong with you. You're a mother. Well, this is a fine time to tell me. I mean, you're just an ordinary mother. You let the children step all over you. You have no sense of discipline. I see. Fathers, of course, do much better. They certainly do. Well, dear, just let me know any time you'd like to become a mother. Margaret. Margaret, I'm home. I'm in the den, dear. I'll be in as soon as I hang out my coat. Where are the children? They're around somewhere. Are they all all right? Of course, dear. They're fine. Hello, Angel. Well, Jim, I thought you didn't like mothers. I'm crazy about them. Matter of fact, I'm going to invent a special day for them. I'll call it Mother's Day. What a wonderful idea and how original. Oh, it's nothing, really. Doing a little sewing, huh? I'm letting out a few of Kathy's hams. I don't know what's gotten into that child. She's growing like a weed. Kathy, she's a wonderful little girl, isn't she? What? I mean, she's so young and gay and full of life. We're pretty lucky to have a child like that, you know? Jim, is everything all right? Of course everything's all right. Why? This morning, you were willing to trade all of the children for two pints of hot water. Well, I was upset. Anyway, that's before I went to the barbershop. I see. You like children better than barbershops. Honey, while I was waiting, I read an article in a magazine. Are you a good father? It was very interesting. Jim... It had a test at the end. You know, 100 excellent, 80 good, 70 fair, that kind of thing. Jim, we've gone all through... You know what I got? Twelve. So, one of the children even talked to me. Now, just a minute, Jim Anderson. We went through one of your reform movements and had practically tore the house apart. That was different. We had bands in the basement, fights in the living room, and if you think... Margaret, will you let me explain, please? This man knows what he's talking about. He's been studying children for years. Other people's children. Well, naturally, you don't think Dr. Kinsey... Well, he knows what he's talking about, anyway. There's nothing wrong with our children. And if you'd just learned to exercise a little patience... It isn't only patience, honey. Look, I bought a copy of the magazine. When will I find the page? Jim, just because some long-winded professor who probably never had any children of his own... Now, here it is. Listen to this. Do you cooperate with your child in plans which promise him mutual satisfaction? Now, that's a reasonable question, isn't it? Jim... Are your comments on child's behavior largely praise and appreciation? Does criticism point in a matter-of-fact way to more helpful response? Oh, poo. Every single thing he says... What? I said, oh, poo. Meaning what? Meaning that you and I as parents know more in ten minutes about raising children than he does in ten years. Then why did I only get a twelve? Darling, children aren't the same. They react differently to all sorts of things. Children are children. And mine are going to have the most cooperative father in history. Oh, dear. No one's going to point a finger at me and say... Bud! Oh, hi, Dad. When did you get home? How many times have I told you... Hello, Bud, did you have a nice morning? Sure, I... I guess so. Bud, you aren't going to wear that horrible shirt. It's Hawaiian. Why, you wasted perfectly good money on that awful... I don't think it's awful at all, Margaret. Jim... You don't? Of course not. I think it's very... colorful. Last time you said you wouldn't be found dead in it. Well, I had to get used to it, that's all. It's very unusual. Pink and green and red and blue and purple and yellow. It's very nice. I know why I can get one for you. We'll talk about it some other time. Now, Jim, let's be cooperative. Hi, Father. Oh, Betty, can I speak to you for a minute, please? Okay. What do we do now? Why, nothing. I was just wondering, do you have a date tonight? I don't think so. Dick Andrews said he was going to call, but why? Well, I thought maybe we could all go to the movies together. The whole family. All of us? That's right. You mean Kathy? Of course, she's part of the family, isn't she? You want to take Kathy to the movies? Betty? She yells at all the villains. I know, bud, but... She'll take more shots at the bandits than Roy Rogers and Gene Autry put together. Never mind, Betty. We're being cooperative. We'll have a very pleasant evening. Maybe we'll even stop in for a soda. How'd you like that? Dad, I... I don't think I can go. Of course you can. No, I have to get up early tomorrow. Joe and the fellas and I are going to Plainville to see an exhibition game. What's that got to do with it? Well, we have to go on the bus. You do no such thing. Well, I'll be only too glad to drive you and the other boys to Plainville myself. What? Why take a bus when we've got a perfectly good car? Jumping creepers. Hello, Daddy. Well, if it isn't Kathy, come on in. Oh, I'm going out. I have to go over to Patty's. We're having a family conference about going to the movies tonight, Kitten, and we'd like to have your opinion. Oh, dear. You want my opinion? Naturally. This is a democracy. Every member of the family has as many rights as anyone else. Don't they, Margaret? Oh, brother. Margaret. I'll get it. You mean I'm as important as anybody? Just as important as anybody. And you're willing to drive us clear over to Plainville? Willing? It'll be a pleasure. Creepers, the things that go on around here. Hello. Oh, hello, Janie. Tonight? Gee, I'd love to, but... No, I don't think so. No, I don't have any date, but I better not come over anyway. But I can't, Janie. My father doesn't feel well. It seems father is finding out once again that good intentions don't always add up to the right answer. But more often than not, ladies, the head of the house does know best. For example, the best judge of coffee is the man you married. Yes, your husband is the world's greatest coffee expert. We mean that. Of course, your grocer might call us experts, because he knows more people buy our Maxwell House coffee than any other brand. But let's face it, when you make the coffee, there's only one expert who matters, that man of yours. And tomorrow, if you'll pour him a cup of wonderfully good Maxwell House, we're sure he'll smile and say, Now that's coffee at its best. We promise he'll say that. In fact, we'll return your money if he doesn't. That's how certain we are he'll enjoy that famous good to the last drop flavor. It's a flavor that can come only from our own special recipe, and that recipe belongs to us alone. It demands certain choice coffees blended just so. No other coffee tastes like Maxwell House, because no other coffee is made like Maxwell House. See if I'm not right. Tomorrow, set a cup of wonderful Maxwell House coffee in front of your husband. He'll say, best coffee ever. Or we'll give you back every penny you paid. Just mail us the can and unused portion. Our address is right on every familiar blue tin. Yes ma'am, tomorrow serve your husband our Maxwell House. Let the world's greatest coffee expert enjoy coffee that's always good to the last drop. A strange new spirit has settled down over the Anderson household. One of universal peace and goodwill. It seems rather odd, but in the white frame house on Maple Street all is calm and strangely serene. With luncheon, a thing of the past, and mother off for a pleasant afternoon at the beauty parlor, it's father who's holding down the fort and doing a pretty good job of it too. Like this. Well after all, Dick, you said you were going to call me. I know, but it's after three o'clock. You certainly didn't think I was going to just sit around and wait. Oh no, I couldn't dream of breaking it. Dick Andrews, don't you dare come over here tonight. Well, there won't be anybody home where everybody's going out. All right, Dick, I'll see you Monday. Goodbye. I guess I showed him. Hi Betty, where's Dad? In the den. What's in the package? Never mind. Oh, don't be such an old... Leave it alone, will you? It's a surprise. Who for? Never mind. You'll find out. Father said he didn't want anybody to disturb him. I'm not going to disturb him. I just want to talk to him for a minute. That's all. Merchant. Merchant. M-E-R-C-H-A-N-T. Merchant. Straight. Straight. Hiya, Dad. But I'm helping Kathy with her spelling. This will only take a second, Dad. On behalf of the... The fella's all chipped in and got this for you. For me? Straight. S-T-R-A. Just a second, kid. What's this all about? Open it up. You'll find out. Well, certainly a mysterious looking thing. All wrapped up with ribbon and tissue paper. I-G-H-T. Straight. Oh, no. No? I told the fellas how much you liked my shirt, so they decided to get one for you. That's, uh, very nice, bud. But why? Well, gosh, you're driving the eight of us to Plainville, aren't you? Eight. Sure. I figured this was the least they could do for you. Don't you like it? It's beautiful, but I couldn't think of accepting anything as valuable as this... shirt. It only cost a dollar. Doesn't it have an eye? Doesn't what have an eye? Straight. Of course. Then why was it wrong? I didn't say it was wrong. Look, bud. You said, oh, no. Well, we're all going to wear ours tomorrow, and they figured you wouldn't want to look silly. But I, uh, am not the Hawaiian type. A-I-T? Couldn't you have gotten something a little more subdued, like, uh, series pajamas? What? A-T-E? Cathy. Why would you want pajamas? I don't. But you said... Never mind what I... You're quite right, bud. Why would I want pajamas when I can have something like... this? I give up. Me too. How do you spell it? Spell what? Straight. Cathy, I'm trying very hard to remember. Please don't make me forget. Oh, I've tried all the ways I can think of. I'll get it. Well... What? How do you spell straight? S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T. That's what I said. Good. And you said it was wrong. I didn't say it was wrong. Even if we got your pajamas, how could you wear them tomorrow? I don't know. You said you'd help me. And what good is it if you get me all mixed up? I'm sorry, Cathy. I must have been thinking of another straight. Which one? The kind that used to make jackets for fathers. Thank you, Betty. When you excuse me, it's probably the man for the fitting. What did he say? How do I know? It's probably a joke. I have to make jokes about straight jackets. So help me. I'll be ready for one any minute. Hello. Oh, hello, heck. No, I was just sitting around with the kids. Getting ready for what? Well, it doesn't take a whole week to get... It's when? Now, wait a minute, heck. It's a week from tomorrow. When I saw you and George at the club, you told me... Tomorrow. Holy mackerel. Well, look, heck, maybe you and George... I know I promised to drive you, but I've gotten into a thing here. Okay. All right, heck. I don't know how I'll do it, but... In front of your house at three o'clock. Sure. In case it's dark, I'll be the one with the black eyes. Okay, heck. See you tomorrow. The things I get into. Betty! You want me, father? Could you come into the den, please? I, uh... I'd like to speak to you. Okay. It isn't all my fault. If they hadn't used up the hot water, I wouldn't have taken the silly test in the first place. Say, Dad, if you'd rather have pajamas, I can speak to the fella, isn't it? That was just a joke, bud. See, I told you. You said the other thing was a joke. Well, maybe they both were. I have to show a piece, father, so if it's going to take long... I'll make it as short as I can. Sit down, lady. You too, bud. You want me to stand up? No, just stay the way you are. Kids, I, uh... Well, you see, I made a date to go hunting with Mr. Smith and Mr. Phillips tomorrow. Tomorrow? Father! Now, just a minute, Betty. See, I thought it was a week from tomorrow. I turned down two dates because you said we were going to the movies. You can still go to the movies. I'll be glad to pay for... You mean you aren't going to take us to Plainville? Well, I can't very well, bud. But you said you would. I told all the fellas. Well, I know you did, and I'm very sorry, but you see, Mr. Smith's car's laid up, and Mr. Phillips... You said you were going to take us to the movies! Kathy, please. We'll go to the movies next week. I told Dick Andrews I had a date, and if he finds out I went to the movies alone. But I'll be glad to take you to the movies, won't you, bud? We even bought you a shirt. Well, I'll give it back. I'll be glad to give it back. Nobody ever wants to take me to the movies. You'll go to the movies, kid, and lots of times. I take you myself, but I have to go to bed early. I have to get up at 3 o'clock in the morning. What am I going to tell the fellas? Now we can't even go. That's ridiculous, bud. You can still take the bus. How can we? Everybody spent their 80 cents for the shirt. I thought you said... Well, 15 cents a piece for the shirt, and the rest for sodas. Look, suppose I'd treat everybody to bus tickets. How'll that be? Eight round trip tickets, and, uh, stomach pump. I could have had such a wonderful time. Betty, you know that dress you were talking about? I'll buy it, and shoes to go with it. How's that? She gets a dress, and bud gets a stomach pump, and I never get anything. Please. What's going on in there? Hello, honey. Mother. Dad said you can't take my children. I want to go to jail. My children. Children, please. Jim, what's this all about? Well, it's... it's my fault, Margaret. I promised Heck and George I'd go hunting with them, and I said we'd use our car. Well, there's nothing criminal in that. I know, but I thought it was next Sunday, and it's tomorrow. If you want to go hunting, that's all there is to it. Well, I have to pick them up at 3 o'clock, and I explain to the children... You don't have to explain a thing. As the head of the family, you have a right to do anything you choose. Honey, it won't do any good to be bitter about it. I'm not being bitter. I mean it very sincerely. What? We've been a very selfish family, and from now on, the most important thing in our life is your happiness. Honey, do you feel all right? Why don't you sit down, mother? It's about time the children realized how lucky they are to have as kind and considerate a father as you. But put your mother's feet up on the hazard. Okay, Dad. Jim, will you please stop that? There's nothing wrong with me. Would you like a glass of water, Mommy? Betty, go into the kitchen and take Kathy with you. But I have to tell Father about the dress. You can tell me about it later. But he said... We mustn't bother your father with trivial things. Trivial? What's trivial about eight bus tickets? He said... Go ahead, Betty, into the kitchen. Jumping creepers. Kathy? Can't I even ask him? Come on, not head. Well, now that they're out of the way... Go in and see if you can help them. You didn't tell them... Go ahead, bud. But... Holy cow. All right, Margaret, what's this all about? What do you mean, dear? This strange and sudden solicitude. Is anything wrong? Of course not. I just... Where are we going to hunt tomorrow? Well, a fellow's thought... We? I think it'll be so much fun. We'll go to bed right after dinner and I'll pack a nice lunch. Honey, wait a minute. I didn't say anything about you going on this trip, did I? No, you didn't. Then why all the... Don't you want me to go? Well, it isn't that, Margaret, but you don't even like hunting, do you? Well, not particularly, but I'm going to learn to like it. Honey... While I was having my hair done, I read the most wonderful article. Margaret, it didn't... Yes, dear, it had a test on are you a good wife? Oh, no. Good wife. Well, that question would interest most women. And I can think of one good place to look for part of the answer. Yes, ma'am. At the grocers this weekend when you buy coffee, your problem is to pick the brand that gives you the most in flavor for your money. So remember this. There's one coffee famous above all others for flavor. It's Maxwell House Coffee, in the familiar blue tin with the big white cup and drop. Tomorrow, then, take home a pound of our Maxwell House Coffee. Serve it to the world's greatest coffee expert, your husband. When he beams at you and says, best coffee ever, you'll know why Maxwell House is famous for flavor. Then, total up all the truly good cups of coffee you get from each pound, you'll agree that for real value, Maxwell House gives you your money's worth and more. This weekend, for coffee you'll enjoy all next week, choose Maxwell House. Always good to the last drop. This be the verse you grave for me. Here he lies, where he longed to be. Home is the sailor, home from the sea. And the hunter, home from the hill. Like this. Oh. Oh, hold still, Jim. I've got just a little more to cover. Oh, not so hard. Stop being such a baby. That's as good as I can do. How does it feel? I think my whole back is broken. Well, I told you to watch where you were going. Margaret, I'd rather not discuss it. Will you please turn out the lights? Yes, dear. How could I watch where I was going when I was carrying you? Oh. Is it very painful? No, I just like to groan. Fine hunting trip. Didn't get the fire a shot all day. Fall down and break my back. Honey. Yes, dear? You were a wonderful wife. Were? I mean, you didn't have to read any article. Neither did you. And you were a wonderful father. Oh. I'll call Dr. Simmons first thing in the morning and have him come home. He doesn't have to, Margaret. I'll go to his office. I just have to be taped up. I know, Jim, but we'd better have it done here. Honey, I'm perfectly capable. I know, dear. But Dr. Simmons has a whole waiting room full of magazines. What? I think you're wonderful just the way you are. And I just assumed you didn't take any more tests. Good night, Margaret. Good night, dear. We hope you'll never hear anything like this from your child at breakfast time. I don't want any cereal. I don't want any cereal. I don't want any cereal. Is anything more maddening? Well, here's the way to get your children to eat a hot cereal. Just tell them post-wheat meal is Hop along Cassidy's favorite hot cereal, and they'll eat it too. Post-wheat meal is chuck full of solid, whole-wheat nourishment, has a wonderful nut-like flavor, and it cooks in just three-and-a-half minutes. You'll see, you'll all agree, it's the best hot cereal you ever ate. And next week, when we'll be back with Father Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson, with Ted Donaldson as Bud, Roy Boggy, and the Maxwell House Orchestra. In our cast were June Whitley, Rhoda Williams, Norma Jean-Nelson, and yours truly, Bill Foreman. Through your contributions to the American Red Cross, miracles of mercy, of health-giving, and of life-saving are performed every day. But if these miracles are to continue, the Red Cross must meet its 1951 goal of $85 million. To alleviate the distress of those stricken by earthquake, fire, and flood. To expand its services for the rapidly increasing armed forces. To carry out its civil defense responsibilities. Now, more than ever before, the Red Cross needs your help. Give generously, give gladly. Now, until next Thursday, good night, and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee. Always good to the last drop. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood, and written by Ed James. Now, stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most of these stations. Now, here exciting and authentic Dragnet on NBC.