 I'm the Comic Weekly Man, the Jolly Comic Weekly Man, and I'm here to read the funnies to you happy boys and honeys. Yes, boys and girls, it's Comic Weekly Time, and here I come right into your house to bring a little fun and happiness. Right out of the pages of Puck the Comic Weekly straight into your living room, your friend, the Comic Weekly Man, the Jolly Comic Weekly Man. Well, little Miss Honey, how are you today? I feel fine, how are you? I am fine too. You know, I saw the funniest thing a little while ago. I saw a man standing on the street corner with a piece of bread and butter in his mouth waiting for the traffic jam. Huh? The traffic jam? I didn't think it was that funny, but I'm glad that you think so. Now read me something else that's money, the money. All right, I will, but first use that nice man with something interesting to say. Now here we go with Puck the Comic Weekly, and at the top of the first page... Snookums, snookums, snookums. And we'll read that right away. So will everybody please get their funny paper spread out to the first page? I got mine. And if anyone hasn't got Puck the Comic Weekly with them today, be sure to have your daddy or mommy get it next week so you can follow the comics with us. Now here we go with Snookums. Magic words for the music, please. Very well, my lady. Diddle-de-da, diddle-de-do, wick-a-mack-a-mookums. Let's have a little tune for little Snookums. Archie comes home. All right, I'm home early. Where's Snookums? Rosie tells Archie to be quiet that Snookums is falling asleep. Archie answers last picture top row. Oh, oh, oh, all right, all right, I'll be quiet. But he likes to have me sing him to sleep. So he tiptoes into the nursery. First picture bottom row, Archie sits down in back of Snookums crib and starts to sing. Rock a bar on the tree top. About 15 minutes later, Rosie comes in and asks Archie if he feels all right. Archie replies, well, sure, I'm singing Snookums to sleep. Rosie says last picture that Snookums is not in there, that he's asleep in the den. And Archie goes... Oh, he certainly does. And he should sitting there in an empty room singing to an empty crib. Oh, he certainly is. Oh, oh, please, quick turn over the page to Flash Gordon because Flash has been captured again by that mean bad man, Zinn. Yes, and Zinn sent Flash into the liquidant chamber to inhale the gas. And anybody who inhales that gas can't think for themselves anymore. And you know all about this, don't you? Yes, of course. I listen very carefully. But Flash didn't really breathe the gas because Rubio gave him a little kind of thing magic to play in his nose. Yes, a filter that let him breathe the air without breathing the smoke. And now he's pretending to be... to just be like the man who really breathed the gas. So let's see if Flash really fools Zinn. Very well. Here we go with Flash Gordon. Riga-riga-doon-doons, ask him a task. Let's some music for heroic Flash. Zinn has told Flash to follow as he drives off in the car. Flash walks along like a doll that has been wound up. He pretends he has breathed the liquidant out of gas and become one of Zinn's robot slaves. Zinn still can't believe he's Flash's master, so he decides to test his power. And he orders Flash falling to the ground. Flash thinks fast, guessing the automatons would obey blindly without trying to protect themselves. It takes all of his willpower to keep from using his hands to break his fall. When Zinn sees Flash fall face downward to the ground, he's sure that Flash has breathed the gas and is now entirely in his power. So last picture, top row, Zinn glotes, Now I can rule Mongo through him, Rubio. Flash, go to the slave barracks till I send for you. First picture, bottom row, in the slave barracks, which is the prison where all of the slaves are kept, Flash asks questions of the others, but the zombie-like victims of liquidant gas don't even seem to hear Flash's questions. He's sadly studying these living dead, whom he must imitate when the barracks door opens. It's Rubio who tells Flash to follow her. She leads Flash to her wing of the palace. When they are safely away from anyone that could spy on them, Rubio tells Flash that he can relax now, that they are alone. Flash asks, Why did you save me from the slave gas? Rubio, last picture, puts her arms around Flash and tells him she saved him because she loves him. And again she tells him that Dale is dead and asks Flash if he can't learn to like her. Flash studies her carefully, trying to see what's in her mind. Because he's learned before that Rubio cannot be trusted. Rubio saved Flash, but even so I don't like her because she tells Flash that Dale is dead and Dale is not dead. No, she's not. Rubio's trying to break up Dale and Flash. Well, I hope Flash learns that Dale is alive and just fixes that sin and Rubio and everybody else good. Well, we'll see what's going to happen next week. Okay. Now let's go across the page to Dick's adventures. Because exciting things are happening. Dick is with Paul Revere in the early days of America. And the British have sent ships to America carrying tea that is very highly text and they're trying to force the Americans to buy the tea. And the Americans don't want to. And so Paul Revere and Dick have a mysterious plan and I'm anxious to see what's going to happen. Well, maybe we'll find out today. So here we go with Dick's adventures. Say the magic words with me. Let's have music for adventurous Dick. Three tall masted ships laden with bales of British tea await unloading at Griffin's War Wharf in Old Boston. The month is December, the year 1773 and the tea is text without Yankee consent. So Dick has been invited to join a strange tea party. As Dick and Paul Revere join the party of men dressed like Indians, last picture top row, Dick is told, Give the past word. Dick replies, salt water tea. Chief Paul Revere is in charge. At his word, the Indian braves, Dick knows them as clerks, merchants, laborers, lawyers press in closer to the ship's first picture next row. A squad of red-coat soldiers is on guard. The men stop and there are low whispered instructions. Paul tells Dick, How easy, Dick, we want no fighting. Just dump the tea overboard. Dick asks, Only the tea, Mr. Revere? Not the red-coats? Paul replies, last picture, middle row. Absolutely not the red-coats. Unless in the dark you should happen to mistake them for bales of tea, I might make that same mistake myself, lad. At the thought that he can push red-coats soldiers overboard Dick answers with a grin. Oh, I understand, sir. Then... First picture, last row, suddenly the braves attack. Torches flare, they swarm aboard the vessels. In the hour that remains before dawn, three shiploads of British tea are used to flavor the water of Boston Harbor. Dick tries his best not to make mistakes, but when he sees something with legs fall into the water, he asks innocently, Is that another bale of tea, Mr. Revere? And Paul replies with a twinkle in his eye. I believe so, Dick, I think we should haul him out before he drowns. Dick begins to shout, Man overboard! Last picture, Dick finds himself in bed. His mother and dad are leaning over him, and his mother tells him that he's been making a lot of noise and asks what's the matter. And Dick replies, huh? Oh, I'm sorry, Mom. I was just dreaming about the Boston Tea Party. Gosh, what a party that was. My goodness, Dick has the most exciting dreams. And they're all true. Yes, I know, because my teacher said so, and she said to bring Dick's adventures to school so all the kids in my class could read about the Boston Tea Party. I think that's a wonderful idea. What do you think is going to happen next week? I think you'll find Dick with Paul Revere again next week. But to make sure... Oh, I'll be here. Good. And I'll look. Here's Rusty Raleigh underneath Dick's adventures. You know, I'm worried about Rusty Raleigh because that slinky Taffy Allardyce, who's Mr. Miles Nephew, knows that Texas is going to take big blaze to the racetrack where he'll be saved. Yes, and now Rusty hears Taffy tell his wife, Golly, that he'll have to fix big blaze tonight. I just hope they don't discover that Rusty has heard them talking. Well, let's read and find out. So here we go with Rusty Raleigh. Gallop and run till the road is dusty. Give us music for his horse and Rusty. Rusty sits quietly in the big chair in front of the fireplace in the Miles' house, hoping that Taffy and Goldie will not see him. He hears Taffy say, Something will have to be done about big blaze tonight. If I don't keep him out of that race, Corky will get rough. Goldie tells him they'd better get back and join the party in the next room. Taffy answers. Well, I'll have to find some excuse to slip away and phone Corky. He may have a suggestion. So Goldie tells Taffy to go back to the dining room, and she'll be there in a minute. As Taffy goes off, Goldie looks at the hats and coats that belong to the guests who are at the party and says, I think I saw a man's wallet sticking out of the pocket of one of those coats on the sofa. As she begins to search the pockets, Rusty, who doesn't see this, slips out of the room and down the stairs and says to himself, Suppose I should have stayed in there with those coats and things, but I gotta see Tex or Mr. Miles and tell him what I heard. As Rusty goes downstairs, Goldie, last picture top row, finds the wallet in one of the coat pockets and exclaims, I thought so. This is my chance to fix that insufferable Rusty, and I mean for good. So she takes the wallet, meaning to use it to get Rusty into trouble, then quietly slips from the room. First picture bottom row, Rusty is talking to Patty, Mr. Miles' daughter, and he tells her, Patty, I gotta speak to your father. I can see him. It's awful important. Patty can tell by the expression on Rusty's face that it is important, so she quickly goes to find her father. In a few moments, she's back with her father. Rusty says to him, Gee, Mr. Miles, I had to see you. Mr. Mrs. Allardyce are planning to do something to Big Blaze. Mr. Miles, who cannot believe that his nephew could be guilty of poisoning a horse, replies impatiently, Now look here, Rusty. You and Tex, too, are imagining things. This is absurd. Please, Mr. Miles, I'm not imagining. That's enough, Rusty. To humor Tex, I'm sending Blaze to the track in the morning. Now don't let me hear any more about it. Then he turns and walks out of the room. Rusty shakes his head mournfully and leaves the room saying to himself, Why don't Mr. Miles believe me? Tex has the night off. I'll have to handle this alone. A few minutes later, as Patty is going upstairs, she sees Goldie, last picture, going into Rusty's room and behaving in a very suspicious manner. Patty says to herself, Oh, jeepers, that's Mrs. Allardyce going into Rusty's room. Now what could she want in there? What's she going to do in there? She's going to put that wallet in Rusty's room and make it look like Rusty's wallet. How'd you ever guess that? I just knew it. Girls are smart about these things. Well, you certainly are. And I think that's exactly what she'll do. I hope Mr. Miles won't believe that Rusty will steal. Well, maybe next week we'll find out whether or not anything serious happens to Rusty. Oh, she's mean. She's bad, bad, bad. Yes, she is. But now, would you like to read Donald Duck? Oh, yes, please read Donald Duck. So let's turn over to page six. Very well, I will. There's something interesting to say. Now, here we go again with Puck the Comic Weekly and Donald Duck right on top of page six. Say the magic words with me. Squeeze them, squeeze them, squeeze a chicken shack. Let's have music to play the quack, quack. Donald has decided to improve his garden. So he decides that he needs some more good dirt. And he says to his nephew, Huey, now to get some good top soil. So off they go with a wheelbarrow to get some good dirt. Huey asks, Are you going to that vacant lot over on Elm Street? Donald replies, Nope, I'm smart. I'm going to the one up on Hill Street. And Huey answers, Oh, yeah, I get it. Downhill all the way back. Donald nods. So up the hill they go with the empty wheelbarrow so that when he comes down the hill with a full wheelbarrow, the wheelbarrow will just roll by itself. And Donald won't have to do any work. Last picture top row, Donald has piled the dirt high on the wheelbarrow. And Huey says, Mine is an awful big load. And Donald replies, Why not? I'll have old man gravity working for me on the return trip. And then he starts down the hill for home. The load is so heavy that the wheelbarrow starts to roll rather fast. And Huey yells first picture bottom row. Hey, don't go so fast. But the wheelbarrow goes even faster and Huey yells. Hey, wait up. Donald who can't hold the heavy load back answers. I can't, I'll meet you at home. Faster and faster down the hill, the wheelbarrow goes. They come to a turn and Huey yells. Hey, we turn here. Donald yells. I can't. And over the curb it goes. Bumps across the street through a fence. All of a sudden Huey yells. Uncle Donald, let's go. And as a big splash, on last picture, Donald and Huey look at the wheelbarrow which is in the river. And Donald feels just like this. Ow. Oh, poor Donald. Yes, maybe next time Donald won't try to take such a heavy load. Yes, maybe then you'll be able to get home with the way he starts out with. Yes. Oh, look, underneath Donald Duck, there's Roy Rogers, my favorite cowboy. This is exciting. Oh, he bet it is because Roy has discovered the old hermit who has been setting fire to the telegraph poles. The man is in a cave and he shot at Roy, but he missed it. Now he's waiting to take another shot at Roy and this time he doesn't intend to miss. Well, please read quick. I want to see what happens. Very well. Here we go with Roy Rogers, king of the cowboys. Hi-yip-hi-oh. Now here we go with Roy and Trigger. Hi-yip-hi-oh. The old hermit watches the rock that Roy ducked behind. But what the hermit doesn't know is that Roy has backtracked and slipped around and come up on the rock above the cave. As Roy gets on the rock above, he hears the hermit mutter, Yeah, come out from behind that rock, you sneaky telegraph spy. I won't miss again. Quick as a flash, Roy flips his rope and in a second the hermit finds his arms pinned to his waist. He yells, Hey, what? Looks up to see Roy holding the rope tight. Roy says, Sorry, Pop, but you and that blunderbuss have plumbed dangerous. Quickly Roy scrambles down and has the old hermit tied up so he can do no more harm. And Roy says cheerfully, You want to tell me how you've been starting these fires in a telegraph line, Pop? The hermit replies, Yeah, you can see for yourself, looking the cave. Roy goes into the cave. He finds a strange-looking machine covered with a big top column. That's a piece of canvas. And the hermit says, Don't hurt it, mister. I spent years of building that. She's almost finished. Roy asks, Almost? What is it anyway? Last picture top row, the hermit goes to his old mule Betsy as he answers. I'll show you how it works. I'm right proud of it. Come on, Betsy. He leads Betsy outside. The mule pulls the strange contraption out of the cave. Roy says, All right, that's far enough, Pop. No tricks now. The hermit answers, Yeah, just pull the tarp off of her. So Roy pulls off the tarp column which covers the contraption. And underneath finds a piece of glass 10 feet high and 2 feet thick. Roy exclaims, Hey, a big glass lens. How unfunded does it work? The hermit starts to unhitch the mule from the contraption saying, Yeah, I can't show you now, son. The valley's too wet from rain to catch fire. Roy looking at the glass says, Ah, I'm beginning to get the general idea. Suddenly the hermit exclaims, Hey, you're free, Betsy. Go get him. Kick him into the middle of next week. The room, the mule, runs that Roy last picture. And Roy hears Brash out, Hey, Roy, look! Roy looks up to see the hind feet of the mule coming toward his head. Ah! I hope not. But next week we'll find out for sure. We certainly can, if you'll pick up the first page of the second section of Puck the Comic Weekly. Here it is. Spread out this far. Very well. Here we go with Dagwood and Blondie. Ram-a-foo, Ram-a-fum, Zim, Zim, Zombie. Consuming music for Dagwood and Blondie. Blondie is crying. Alexander asks Cookie. Why is Mama crying? Cookie tells him it's because Dagwood wouldn't let her buy the plaid coat she saw in Hinkel's window. Cookie looks at her mother and says, Sad, isn't it? And Alexander feels so sad. He says, Hey, let's speak to Papa about it. But when they talk to Dagwood, he pulls his arms firmly last picture top row. Frowns ferociously and says, No! And when I say, No! I mean it. She can't have the coat. Cookie and Alexander leave the room and Alexander says, First picture, next row. Gee, I've never seen Papa so hard-hearted. Meanwhile, Dagwood looks at her mother and says, Hey, what's wrong with you? Meanwhile, Dagwood looks out the window. He has a stern expression on his face and he says to himself proudly, I can be a man of steel when I want to. I can be cruel and cold with a heart of rock when it's necessary. And Blondie has a scheme. He bustles around in the kitchen and says, I'll cook all his favorite dishes for supper. That always wins him over. So she happily cooks Dagwood's favorite supper, hoping that he'll be so happy about it that he'll buy her the coat. But as he finishes supper, First picture, next row, Dagwood pounds the table fiercely and roars, It's a delicious supper, but no coat. Understand? No coat. Dagwood frowns fiercely and Blondie bursts into tears again. And Dagwood suddenly looks very sorry. And he goes out of the room and comes back, last picture of the row with a box and hands it to Blondie saying, Stop crying, dear. Here's your coat. I bought it for you yesterday. Blondie exclaims, Then why did you tell me I couldn't have it? Dagwood answers First picture, I was practicing being firm. I knew you wanted the hat that was in the window too and I wanted to be firm about it. Blondie says, Oh, darling, you don't have to worry about that. I bought the hat this morning. And she puts on the hat and coat and says to Dagwood, last picture, You're the sweetest, kindest man in the world. Dagwood takes one look at the hat he didn't want her to buy and then a look at the coat which he had to spend so much money for and he chews his fingernails and moans, Oh, husbands are a sorry lot. I should say not, not with Blondie. He bought her the coat to be nice to her so he could be firm about not letting her buy the hat and then she got both of them anyway. Well, it's a very nice hat. Um, should we read Prince Valiant? Yes, yes, please. Very well, then. Turn to page four of the second section. And here we go with Prince Valiant in the days of King Arthur. Eckert, Breckert, Greymolk and Quintz. Music romantic for a fair, fair prince. Habatla sworn as father's deathbed that he would take and rule the land of Thule whose ruler is King Agwar, father of Prince Valiant. But when King Habatla attacked the castle of King Agwar his well-laid plans come to nothing before a seemingly empty castle that defies capture and the army he should have surprised and have defeated in battle is behind him in his own country, raiding his own kingdom and he decides it's time to make peace. So King Agwar and King Habatla have met to see if they can come to sensible peace turns and then Alita makes friends with Habatla's queen and leads her into the castle with great gallantry. Habatla leaves the peace conference and enters the castle in search of his wife. In Alita's apartment he finds her trying on gowns. His brave gesture ends in a wave of confusion and embarrassment. The women are very annoyed to find a man marching into their room and they are trying on dresses and even the most patient and dutiful of queens can lose her temper. In first picture next row Habatla gets a good scolding from his wife and she ends by saying I'm staying here until you settle your old war and have my baby sent in to me. Already he has the sniffles from sleeping in a drafty tent. As he backs away Alita tells him that he can't take this fortress that the warriors of Thule are behind him and that he'll have to pay for every bit of damage as nonsense is caused and that he'll keep his army here until King Agua's men have returned to their homes and that there's to be no more fighting. And then she orders him to tell King Agua that dinner will be served in an hour. Habatla strode into the castle a warrior king. He comes out like a small boy caught in some mischief. First picture bottom row. As he drops to his campstool very sadly King Agua smiles knowing that Habatla must have had a good scolding from Alita and he says sympathetically I know just how you feel. She's been running my kingdom ever since she came here. Then he takes him by the arm last picture and says Ah, but come sir we must not keep dinner waiting. Even kings can get a scolding as you now know. It's a scolding and he'd better listen to Alita if he doesn't want to get into more trouble. He'd better and if he listens to her maybe there'll be peace and quiet in the kingdom and there'll be no more killing. Well I hope so. Well that's all the time I have but I'll be sure to see you next week at the same time. Well I will be here. Good. Now before I go here's that nice man with something interesting to say. Well honey and all you boys and girls I've got to go now. All right Mr. Comic Weekly man but I'll be waiting for you next week. Okay that's a date and a date with all you boys and girls be sure to meet me with a little friend Miss Honey next week when I read Puck the Comic Weekly. For I'm the Comic Weekly man the Jolly Comic Weekly man I'll be back to read the funnies to you happy boys and honey. Now forget boys and girls see you all next week your friend the Comic Weekly man the Jolly Comic Weekly man.