 Es passiert. So, always forward, never backward, edition 2014, Fnord News Show. Great base. Towards the sunset. Welcome to the Fnord News Show of 2014, nice that you're all here. Again, we'll start with news from sport news. So, we always try to discover trends and point them out. And one trend that we saw this year was that martial arts was becoming a common sport. At least in politics, so we tried to find role models. This is pole fighting. And then we have another pole fight here. And then things got pretty tough. Image of Chancellor Merkel there. Since we always have this scientific research commission, we are wondering what techniques are actually being used. We all know Bruce Lee and the weaponless martial arts. And, well, this guy, he seems to have had a lot of knowledge. John Kerry too seems to tend that way. And they all seem to be working on the same kind of moves. And we've found, we've tried to find which move and that actually is. And then we looked at the Grand Master. And noticed that it can't be that difficult. Because even Ben Pfeffer actually found what the technique is called. After a long amount of research, it's called Monkey Steals the Peach. And for those that can't really imagine, we have... So, next time you see a politician gestring, you know what they actually mean. Politicians, of course, are a role model for the youth. Yes, for example, this year we had this impressive case, where two teenagers managed a 14-year-old and a 13-year-old, managed to hurt five police people, get three of them into hospital. And yet again we thought, where did they actually get this from? Do they watch too much TV? It turns out it's actually politicians. Yet again they have been watching Ukrainian TV, the parliament there is relatively full with scenes of violence. We've always said that politics is a profession that tends towards criminality. And of course it's not just in reality where you find violence, but in books and stories, old and new in the fantasy literature, of course. And we noticed this when we were researching Ukraine, because at the beginning of this year there were a few perils that we'd like to point out. For example, D&D is a very popular thing in Ukraine. We see a cleric here. And not just from known mainstream deities, there are clerics in Ukraine, but also of less. Well, not just clerics, but what do they have? Why do you have this in the party? The undead, for example. There is a certain kind of genre in literature for that. And here you see an undercover police person who was uncovered by demonstrators and colleagues rescuing him. And you see this woman from the demonstrators who has given another kick to his tools. A clear role model here. And more D&D issues here. There were fighters as well. And video games, too, are popular, we found. This is a postmodern role model, more than postmodern than D&D. The traffic signs, something you see a lot in video games. We took one example, fallout, but there are other games. We found another nice example. Who will guess it? And recent cinema movie influences are clearly there, at least for the performance on TV, Schwarzenegger's End of Days. And not just in Ukraine. Can you see cinema influences? We found a picture in Catalonia in Spain, with a muffler. Thank you. And if you're into martial arts and not untrained, but try to use it, you have to take care, there's a certain danger of getting hurt. Which was fairly obvious. And this man actually had his $120.000 Pension for hurting himself by beating, punching up demonstrators. This is the actual cop, not a setup. And Valencian politics seems to be quite common in other countries, too. Here we have the advisor for President Erdogan in Turkey, who kicks a demonstrator, the guy in the suit. And this advisor was then written, he got sick leave for having hurt his foot. And which gets us to a complex that we had to deal with quite a lot. There's a number of things that are connected to advisors. The advisor apocalypse, it says on the slide. We'll start with an old, well-known person, whom we have given lots of credit to, German Railways. This is the head of the Chancery, Profala, main post in politics, becoming a person in the board of German Railways. And news of those things can actually have large effects, even before the actual act, the change of position took place. German Railways did not have a good year. ICE turns the wrong way in Frankfurt. It was a headline. You see Profala's influence here. He was in Berlin for the way he treated the NSA scandal. Another well-known person, Hartmut Meadon, former CEO of German Railways, now responsible for the fantastic, miserable failure of the new airport in Berlin. And he actually hired advisors, too, from PricewaterhouseCoopers. And these advisors then had to go, because somehow they had no idea what they were talking about. But did they actually find something? The airport's opening had to be postponed, because just before the intended opening, huge floors in the building site were discovered. So they tried to find out what actually went wrong. And the latest advisors went wrong with them. And the press wasn't that enthusiastic anymore about the whole story. And then suddenly something nice happened. Hartmut Meadon was fed up. And he left the post. And then another astonishing thing happened. KPMG had to make savings within themselves. Bonuses were cut and even the heating was turned off, which is what the newspaper article says here. Maybe they have a fire protection problem, too, like the prospective Berlin Airport. But never worry what our consultancy is for, if not in crisis times of crisis. And here you are with the German Army. Now this German Army thing actually gives me a bit of hope. Because not just KPMG is now looking at the misery at the German Army. We have a state secretary that has a past with McKinsey. So we have a real hope for peace and decommissioning of arms. Because there's not a lot that's left as soon as McKinsey has stopped working for anyone. So, actually, it started quite quickly. Newspaper headlines about things that went wrong, arms that were stolen. So the sentence I marked down there will highlight. The news report says that Eurofighter is so broken that we can't really fly with it. But, well, the sentence is not to worry. We weren't really going to fly with it anyway, not a lot. And those that are not focused on the Eurofighter anymore, it used to be called the Hunter 90 and it was supposed to be flying in the 90s at some point. So they had to say, okay, well, if you have problems in Kenya and your Ebola mission will have to leave you there, we have nothing to fly you back. And we have this thing here, the internet found that there was this meeting of heads of government. And if you look closely, there seemed to be looking at the sky, looking at some planes. Ah, now the headline says, all heads of government that have airplanes in the air look up. Okay, I like these things. You can use the nuclear option and force the German Army to introduce SAP software. That would really be the finishing of them. Maybe they will get this idea. And as soon as I know, they are trying this. Hercules have had SAP problems, I think. So the German Army is fairly safely written off by now. What did I say? Structurally unable to... unable for warfare. I think the advisory company that had a certain will to play was CSE this year. They had this little data protection problem at the Schengen information system, which is the linking of police institutions in European countries and other countries in the Schengen area. And there was an attack where the one or other record was stolen and records from Germany were affected in the high six digit numbers. But it was said, don't worry, this is all coded. But does that mean encryption? No, not really encryption. By the way in Walterational, you see this at police movies. You have a number… a coding for crimes or things like that. So who was able to start working at CSE. Who could that have been and it turns out this year that the Paritbay found was given a sentence eine Sitzung von CSC-Daten, und die eine oder andere, das eine oder andere Medium hat sie nicht verursacht. Eine Medium oder andere, in small print, sagt, dass es um Schengen-Region-Database ist. Das heißt, es muss in den selben Fall sein. Das, was CSC-Daten ist, ist einer der größten Kontrakten der NSA. Sie haben die IT-Daten, oder die größten Teilen von ihnen, und dieser Groundbreaker-Programm, für Beispiel, und sie sind sehr konferenzlos, mit großen Konferenzen, wie die Klimaschaffung, die die NSA aufgemacht hat, und wo sie gedacht haben, dass sie sehr erfolgreich waren. Sie denken dann, CSC? Vielleicht sollten wir nichts mehr tun. Dann hat unsere Regierung in Deutschland eine große Backe von Kommissionen, die die Städte und die Polizei, neue Kontrakten von Bavaria und CSC vermissen, dass sie nicht mit diesen Kontrakten passen. Ich fühle mich gleich viel besser. Ich fühle mich jetzt viel besser. Aber es gibt auch noch eine Verhackelung. Sie sind auch in Hercules, die natürlich für die NSA, wie ein Supplyer, sehr interessant ist. Aber das ist der deutsche Armee. Die Kommissionen von Armen sind nicht unter Threat, und die ganze Sequenz wird nicht komplett, ohne einen guter Freund, sondern die Telekom, die IT-Services-Armen. Es gab Probleme mit Mietendeitlinien in den Kontrakten mit der Städte-Flohe Saxony, das hat etwas länger gedauert, und sie haben ein bisschen länger zu fahren. Sie sehen das neue Screen-Background für XP. Ich glaube, wir haben schon fast... Ich glaube, wir haben schon fast... Ich glaube, wir haben schon fast... Ich glaube, wir haben schon fast... Ich glaube, wir haben schon fast... Ich glaube, wir haben schon fast... Ich glaube, wir haben schon fast... Unsere SPD-Fraktion sehr bedrohliche Beratung, die Saar-Geschaften und die another one that, well, when you're talking politicians and consultancy companies, politicians can be good advisors, of course, and Roland Koch, former State Premier of the State of Hesse, conservative, who suggested that you could throw stones on solar panels, because with all the state grants they get, this is actually counterproductive and they should be destroyed to help the economy. And he was then the head of Billfinger Berger, a building conglomerate, actually, and he immediately started, as soon as Roland Koch started there, they wondered, well, this building business, this was the share value, because he said that building is actually, well, we'll move to services, we don't like building anymore, and that didn't go so well and there were a few incidents concerning corruption, millions of penalties in the US, and there was a profit warning, the third one actually, and we share the value that really plummeted, and then he had the golden parachute, and then he had to leave, he got the golden parachute. And of course, Viva likes to think what to get in the playing cards area, and I was looking for those cards, and I noticed, I came across this one, and I thought, well, if we find a good place where to put it, this probably is it. And speaking of politics, Sebastian Edati, who was accused of downloading child pornography in the parliament in the Bundestag, and we made it into a photo story here, he was a member of the committee investigating the right of interest, the NSU had committed a chain of murders, and he was suspected of downloading child pornography, or child abuse images, and the question was, who warned him from his party, the Social Democrats, because he took off, resigned from parliament, lost his laptop just in time before the investigation started, and there was a large hithering and throwing and they pulled out all the works, investigated him, and people turned out, had been sitting on the floor for a long time, and they had a case themselves in the house, there was an official in the Federal Police Office himself, case D as it was called, and this was then extracted from the data, and there was an oral information, and within a few days the whole thing was resolved, and Mr. Edati had to leave over this, and something had to be strange there, because isn't there someone who was intensely involved, Mr. Tzirka, head of the Federal Criminal Police Office, why was he in office for such a long time, and he found this nice quote on the Canadian customer list, there could be a few more surprises, says the chief of the Federal Criminal Police Office, which is probably why he was able to hold himself there, and this picture as an illustration would serve us nicely, I guess. Ja, wir haben als nächstes eine neue Kategorie, das wir haben, eine neue Kategorie, first time this year, it's the Merkel effect. Der Merkel-Effekt, das ist wirklich ein Edward Snowden sort of defined, dass einige Menschen sind gleicher als andere, some people are more equal than others. On the way on the picture in the lower left corner, that's also Mrs. Merkel, can anyone remember that type of phone that she's using, did anyone have that? Well anyway, the Merkel effect is when someone suddenly gets angry, as soon as he realizes that he himself is a victim, oh, we found a number of those, for example Mr. Gauk, he's the German Federal President, apparently people who worked for the German Intelligence Agency had been spying on him and he was very angry about that, he gave an interview in a morning TV show and made some gestures with his finger, who were not exactly presidential. That didn't stop him from raising the salaries of the members of the parliament, so we decided to have a closer look at him and one thing that he did is in January at a security conference in Munich, he held a speech and he used a nice term, the electronic defense was a little bit over the top and what he was referring to was the NSA surveillance scandal, of course, and we found this nice comparison in the web about what he said about Stauffenbeck, he said we must be courageous and I have to stand up for our values and about Edward Snowden, he said he has no understanding for the things that he did, so that's actually the guy that we have for president. In the next case that we have, I always try to find some before and after pictures, in the next case it's a little tricky to find an after picture because he's really, he always has this stupid look when he's looking in the camera. Well, I have one but well, it's not really, well, he complained at President Obama, because he doesn't actually like companies collecting data, at least not if this company is the NSA, and of course there was all this talking about the no spy agreement and the German intelligence agency was actually the head of the German intelligence agency and was negotiating with the US and he said that the US has been lying to us. So actually what we had to hear, one intelligence agency was disappointed that another intelligence agency was actually lying to them. Okay, I'm going to show it again, which is of course a scene from a very famous French movie with Louis Defines. The Christian Democratic Union was also very surprised when they found out that there was data retention in the German Bundestag and we always tend to say that doing civilians about politicians, that's something good. I mean we never realized that they would actually follow through with this. So the fact that the Democrats were surprised too, that I can kind of understand why that was and we were also shocked. The US was shocked when they found out that China was engaging in an economical espionage and the NSA had been hacking into the Huawei company. It was a little embarrassing for them that these two messages made news in a close to each other. John McCain was also shocked and he came to a realization that we want to share with you. He thought that the way the Germans acted in this crisis was a little stupid and he said you get the impression that in Berlin big companies are making politics. So of course what these guys are saying is no, but yes, oh. Well, we actually only had this this little movie clip twice. We didn't know that you would like it so much, but let's do it one more time. The foreign minister of the US was also a little angry when he saw that Russia was behaving like a 19th century country and simply invading other countries with made up reasons. Who does that? I have never seen anything like it in the past decade. We also have some nice effects here. The social democrats, they were also shocked when they realized that the NSA has been spying on former Chancellor Schröder as well. They didn't have a problem with it when they were just spying on Merkel. And apparently Minister Maas said spying on the Chancellor's is not helping the defense against the terrorism. I've prepared a little something here and the subtitle says a party of traitors. Apparently the video is not playing. Okay, one more try. I have no idea why it's not playing. We tested it five times. It always worked, but now it's not. All right, let's try a reboot here. I've turned up the volume already. There is an old saying that the communists had that they were discrediting their friends in 1918. Of course the political environment today is different, but the saying still fits into today. Who has betrayed us? The social democrats. Who betrayed us? Who betrayed us? Who has sold us? Who betrayed us? The social democrats. They betrayed us. And they also sold us out. Sorry, it didn't really work, but But yeah, they are doing a live on stage. But the social democrats, they didn't really... The inquiry board about the NSA affair couldn't really get any work done, because for example the head of the social democrat fractions and declined that intelligence agency were actually being audited. And that is because, of course, he has good relations to the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. So this is what it's called, the Atlantic Bridge. And we have it here. What can possibly go wrong? Is when there are countries that have data retention and you can refer to them. So, for example, Mr. Gabriel referred to Norway and the data retention laws that they have. And he referred to Mr. Brevik being caught because of the data retention laws. But the problem was that when Brevik committed his crimes that they did not have these laws yet. And that was a nice verdict of the European Einzel-Ländern-Zugunde, die ich für der Europin-Kort basically rendered all these data retention laws invalid and the reaction was that they actually renamed these laws. And that's all they did. So just changing the name and the problem itself, apparently. Also, es ging um den Berliner Vorfall und zwar hat der konservative und es ist eigentlich eine andere Sache, wo der deutsche Polizist ist able to take someone into custody for a certain period of time. And they wanted to make that period of time longer to four days. Und und auch, obwohl Experts gesagt, dass es eine gute Idee ist, um das period of time länger zu machen. Es hat noch keinen Effekt auf die Sozialdemokraten, und wir können das wiedersehen in den Negotiations über TTIP und CETA. Und auch diese Schiedsgerichte sollen da sind abzulehnen und zwar any kinds of I do apologize, this is really difficult to translate here. So können wir so langsam sehen, wie es so langsam so schon so bei 45 Grad ist und demnächst macht es Bum und dann fällt da oben. Ähnlich sieht es halt aus bei dem Exportstopp von Spessoftware. Now he's talking about the export of espionage spying software. And he made the, he didn't look like he was directing changing a thing. And he's opposed to exporting trainer and we try to tell him that it was wrong thing. But and now he says that it won't work and it will be transparent. And we'll look that nothing happens anymore. And the press asked exactly how that was in the past. And well, the thing with transparency wasn't important anymore. And that's quite a difficult theme, because you've got workplaces and workplaces and workers are important. And we still make money. They want their own workplaces. And well, a minister can do anything there. There is a, what do you call that, a second salary. For example, in Editions, when you look at the salaries, you have to say it's just a bit on top. But well, the same principle. So let's see where people stay after that. They want to get, Google want to get the minister. But we do have the energy change. Well, in climate protection. And the exit from nuclear power, of course, part of that. We want to have the security and we don't. Yeah, we might even change back to getting out of the atomic energy. So it might look like that. So, yeah, there is a bit of wind generator. There is also a category, the nature strikes back. And nature is, you can stop nature. And in global warming, you have to think about them. There is nothing happening. And especially not in the USA. There is absolutely no problem. Let's, that's absolutely a legend. This is, this is no war. It's just snow. There was nothing more than snow. Well, okay, maybe a bit more snow. Maybe that could look like that when the global weather is a bit, well, doesn't work anymore. Und es gibt aber immer noch so Republikanen. And there are still Republicans who say, no. Well, these are the Illuminatis. And there is a world government who wants to push it. Do we know that guy? And we thought, yeah, we saw that guy on that image. That's the older one. What's that in the front? What's that? One doesn't see what it is. We're not sure. It might be snow from global warming. Maybe baby powder or something. So the weather is so strange that even Burning Man, it rained of burning instead. And that's in Nevada Desert. And there was problem because of the rain. But people just don't want to be confused by facts. That's like a deal. There is, this is the book of the Congress Committee Chair. On climate, of course. In India, they also had a problem. They do have lots of vote computers. And the rats ate the cables. And so the votes had some problems. I mean, this problem with a vote computer. But who from you trains rats? Ja, nicht nur im Mikro-Cosmos gibt's Natur-Zurück-Schlage-Probleme. There are some big nature strikes back. There are also in Southern Tyrol, in France. That's North Italy. That was in Madagascar. A public proportion crickets. There was also this information. Bubonic Plague in Madagascar. Bubonic had a mnemonic plague. You see it in the headline there. So someone gambled wrong, it seems. Okay, so we think we're gonna have more pests. If the resistance to antibiotics, there was a new one also in China. And this year was, of course, Ebola. It was the big scare, which happened in Africa. But what happened in the West, it was... That's one controller in an airport. And he's being checked in the USA. That's how it's a bit important. Ebola quarantine expert. That's an image of... There are people on the East side, so that the airport would close, even in Germany. What do I do when I believe that the person next to me in the bus bar or cinema has Ebola? There is SWAT-T. There was also the A-Bolling was created when you follow the Bildzeitung. Germany's largest tabloid paper, largest paper at all. And there was even a legal reaction on the children's playing ground. There are also some infrastructures, and you don't need to help. You don't need to help the infrastructure collapsing with your keyboard. It does that by itself. You can't stop it. For example, you know the problem with a tunnel and a lorry. But there are also trains, which has the same problem in tunnels. I'm not sure how they manage that. And there was also problems created by man-made problems for flights who disappear from radar. There was a bigger problem in Austria. They tried to write a jammus for NATO exercises, and it worked. The next slide is about something about an update to what we did last year. And that is a finance ministry who has no money to install a fire alarm. And when they gave casus to the workers, so when they see someone gave Fubuzela to the passengers to help. That was last year. But there are quite problems, side effects. We couldn't even think about them. What happens when you do an exercise drill? What happens is it gets loud in case of exercise, and some people actually got sick and had ear problems. Sometimes it's not the infrastructure, which is problematic, but the infrastructure just doesn't get built. For example, there is a CDU. So Germany's conservative party warns against building asylum seekers' homes too quickly. Even the Red Cross talks about gastrophy, Pannenburg, which is also a land, a state. Well, they are closing up the asylum seekers' homes there. And the minister said that if we accept asylum seekers, we get terrorists. The technical infrastructure has been privatized for a long while. And there are some structural weaknesses in London. So some sewagepikes broke and that led to literally a shitstorm. In German, the word shitstorm is used for a social media storm of abuse and fury. The Brits, of course, have experience with that and know how to make use of the situation. There's lots of water damage there. And there was a query for files about the UK involvement in a CIA rendition program, as you can see there. And those files, unfortunately, when there was a water leakage, were damaged, very unfortunately. And then they were salvaged as the whole press had their fun at it and suddenly there was a wave. And Brits, this year, had lots of bad luck. Not just water can leak into a room, but also fast drying cement. And if that happens to be the server room of the underground, well, there could be some problems. The solution was quite funny. They poured sugar on it. And you don't have sugar at hand, of course. So they're raiding the supermarkets in the center of London, which stops cement from drying out and it hardening. And sometimes you don't really have to pour cement on things to get a problem. It can just be some contamination, but after a certain amount of use, the filters can't keep up. And this was about cocaine traces in the water. And they were wondering what is going on there. And then we were looking at one of those documentary photos and found one, looking for one and found one. And Coke, of course, has something that other people doubt with it. Well, the son of Joe Biden, the American Vice President, who was expelled from the US Navy Reserve for cocaine abuse. So what does someone like that do then? He got a new job. He works with a company that, well, does energy policy in Ukraine. And they found some gas sources in the Krim. Of course, that's the right place to go. Now Berlin police will not leave anything up to chance. They were convicted because they actually instigated drugs, Transaction, and the judges said that this was an illegal provocation of a crime. And we found a nice photo for that, too. Police are offering a trial course or a sniffing course, as the German word says literally, about cocaine for its as a drug counseling course. And then you look for a nice news bit that fits this and found a warning in Amsterdam, which where there was an alert against buying cocaine on the street, not for the use of grounds, but because people were falling down because there had been sold heroin. It's cool cocaine, because that is so much cheaper now, which this is an official Amsterdam police warning, not a fake. You will not be arrested for using drugs in Amsterdam. Was uns zu den Nachrichten aus der Wirtschaft bringt, leads us to business or news from the economy. It's apparently a picture from the movie The Wolf of Wall Street. So why is heroin so cheap? They spent seven billion against poppy cultivation to stop that. It didn't quite work, didn't quite help if you look at the statistics. You see that the little blue ones are what's been destroyed and the large yellow columns are what they didn't manage to destroy it all around success. And in the economy, it always goes uphill, of course. It always goes forward. Golden Sachs pays where you should get your money, carry your money. Libya had a few problems putting 1.2 Billions into shares, which didn't rise at all. And there was this souvenir from Goldman Sachs as a consolation prize. And there are actually some astonishing things to report, but because a former Goldman Sachs Director was convicted and had to go to jail, actually had to go. And the other thing, we could think of how it must have frozen over. And in the finance sector, you have lots of people that say it's all conspiracy and that's not the way the world works and all that. And our favorite example was the gold prize. Gold, the gold prize this year didn't move the way you expect the gold prize to move. And all the gold nuts said, well, this is all manipulated. The economy press said, you must be joking. Who would manipulate the gold prize? And then it turns out, it turns out HSBC, Société Générale and Barclays and Deutsche Bank, and they manipulated the gold prize. Very interesting this year, the statistics of individual banks, how much they had to put back for legal actions against them. These are billions of dollars that they had to put back per quarter. Rücklagen ist actually expenses. There's even more that they had to set aside. This is very interesting to read, far larger numbers that they had to set aside. But of course they won't give up without a fight, especially after a bailout. Keeping the bonuses payments up for the bankers, die Kommerzbank in this instance, which paid out bonuses. If you read that as an employee, and well, this is all about the gamblers, of course. Kommerzbank had to be bailed out by the state before paying out this bonus. And the gross domestic product keeps rising, of course. So you wonder, how does that all work with economic growth? This is what keeps the world running. And an interesting trick to keep this rising is a statistical one. You just include new things in the statistic. In the future things like drug dealing, cigarette smuggling will be part of gross domestic product. Prostitution and unofficial work is part of it, has been for a while. As a result, Italy is out of the recession. And they themselves were surprised when this came out. If you have with us in the last few years, we had these items about fake bonds in huge amounts. And that happened again. And the Vatican Bank was involved. One of the nicest, most beautiful bank buildings this tower in the world. And there were people there that wanted to deposit those bonds. Three billion euros on paper were carried into the bank. And it was said we'd like to open a account and the bank said, well, if you just wait a moment, we'll have to fetch someone. Use that room over there with that solid door, please. And the Vatican Bank unfortunately didn't make that much money itself. And probably because they just didn't take any of these good customers. And the Pope, of course, ordered a cleansing program and told them what you have been doing, you can't do anymore. And the bankers said, well, that's how we make our profits. And the Pope said, well, fuck it. Behind the sofa in the Vatican, there are certain reserves to have a few hundred millions that they found in, they were lying around basically. Under the pillow. And so don't be afraid, is the line on the slide there. So from the Vatican do another party. CDU, German Conservative Party, whose finance person was reported about because he had four years, bankered large amounts in tax havens like Bahamas. I am particularly fond of this election poster there. Do you remember the CDU, wasn't that the case Walter Leisler-Kieb? Wasn't he the master of the black suitcase in previous governments? They have experts there and they made one of those, the finance person. But he denied all this and said this was all his private company and it was all tax properly. Now speaking of taxing things properly or filing tax returns properly and of course US election campaigns are special and they have become even more special because the limit for donating has been raised or abolished by the Supreme Court. And they decided, well, it can't look like corruption, no matter how much money you invest in a party. Since when do party nations lead to corruption? We never heard anything like that, did we? And one of the large donors was the Chevron Company, which is involved in fracking, and that's how it looks, if things go wrong. But they are socially responsible and care of communities and if small accidents like this happen as they did this year, they make sure that they don't appear in such a bad light. It wasn't just damage by the way people died, but they dealt out gift certificates, people were given pizza coupons. Well, yeah. Rot und Spiele. This is bread. What's the Latin phrase, bread in games? Paramezzel senses. Paramezzel senses, yeah, thank you. So we were looking at this a bit more closely and the brown curve here is the oil price. Brent screwed the most important, which took down other variants, other kinds of oil as well. But what does that actually mean? We were looking at the oil reserves wondering how much of these are in the OPEC countries and how many are elsewhere and can all this fracking actually move this so much and change this and is that perhaps a coincidence that these movements are taking place or can you actually interpret something? And the interesting curve is here. What you see is in red are the countries which will get into a budget deficit if a certain oil price is reached and the other countries to the left and right are those that will be able to deal with that and what we can see if the oil price drops sharply. Those that are hit are actually all the large oil producing countries. You can tell that even fracking isn't worth it anymore. If you have had $100, $110 per barrel and below that fracking really isn't worth it, which leads to all these fracking companies making losses now. And especially Russia and Saudi Arabia are actually making losses now. So this oil price is probably actually a political weapon that is being used. And the other theory that is just as plausible is that the fundamental economic countries, the fundamental economic data that we see is actually complete fake and the oil price actually reflects oil consumption, which is falling because the economies aren't growing. Well, apart from prostitution and drug stealing and all that, but you don't need that much oil for that. All these states use the low oil price to fill their reserves. Germany too has strategic oil reserves, which are in a salt mine, several salt mines. And these, well, you know that salt mines are also used for dumping nuclear waste, because nothing can leak from there, or you can use them for oil. And here we have all traces found in the groundwater in German Places. And we have these people at the Exxon Mobile Chief who has a private ranch. And when there was fracking supposed to be happening, he was concerned not because of environmental reasons, but he would lower the value of his property, but you can't think yourself what's behind that. So the falling oil price, of course, is causing Russia problems. So what should you do? And Russia has its own tradition of countermeasures. Here you see how the New Religious Advisory Council for Gasprom is at work, and you see the ruble falling too, which caused one of their priests to bless the servers. The ruble central bank, at the ruble central bank, or the Russian central bank that looks after the ruble, and they actually bless anything that won't be up on the trees on the count of three airplanes, rockets, space rockets, weapons, well, they are very flexible with giving up blessings. Maybe it will help, who knows. So the economy is always a bit difficult for people that like numbers. The states always offer these numbers, and someone was caught, the sprint company was probably just pulling over the Americans for wiretapping, and we're wondering how does that come about? Is that intentional? And the thing is, they try to first take legal action against the NSA, getting data, and then they realize maybe we'll charge them for getting data from us, and when they agreed a price that was far above the actual cost of getting that data, they were happy with that. Of course, you can't finance the world economy from that. There was this stability report from the currency fund, the monetary fund, which said things aren't looking that well, it's all very complex, and the international monetary fund had this graphic for the amount of stability that there still is. As you can see, they have an interesting metric that they looked at. If you look at all the companies altogether, and then look at the subset that earn less than they have to pay as interest on their debts, then in Europe you have, in the southern countries you have between 30 and 40 percent. For Greece they don't even want to say what the percentage is. And these are the companies that are basically insolvent. This is not what they have to pay, they used to pay back the debts, but only for the interest on their debts. And of course that's where competition hits hard, and you have to then take things into your hands and become hands-on. Someone went into the media markets, large retailer of electric goods, and took a hammer to competitor's products, and said he was only trying to conduct a stability test. Just wanted to see how much the doors would be wobbling, and things like that. And they had to let him go when he actually bought all the machines he had damaged. So how then, under economic circumstances like this, did you stay in power? And there was a very innovative method in Turkey, in the provinces where things weren't looking so well for President Erdogan. On the election day, the electricity was off, suddenly very inventive, and what would have been better was if they had done this for the electronic voting machines, if they had them. But if the electricity goes out, streetlights go out, people will not tend to go voting, I assume, which leads us to some place where, close to our hearts, the cryptocalypse. Just a little bigger this year. We start with a message from Switzerland. Switzerland, apparently, the experts who are managing the keys for the Swiss government, they were having all sorts of problems. Apparently a piece of hardware failed, and they couldn't get through their central recovery key anymore. They said we can pretty much rule out any involvement of a third party. I don't really know how they can do that, but maybe it was on top of a Swiss mountain. There were a lot of failures this year. Here are a couple of attractive ones. Some of you may say I don't care, I use Linux. Linux wasn't really doing so well this year either. We had a couple of cases. You say, okay, well, in that case, I'll just use Windows. Hypothetically, you could probably do that. But Windows was also affected. Well, you might say, okay, so let's go ahead and virtualize everything. And that's not quite good, until Amazon had to reboot all of their servers, because they had been applying an update, and they had to do a reboot of all their virtual machines. And then, of course, we had the thing with the electronic voting. Well, let's just say to do. Well, we'll just get to that when we have the time. We have something of a very similar quality here in an economic area. This is the Xbox. A five-year-old noticed that when he keeps pressing the space bar, the system will actually lock him in. The thing with all the technical things are getting easier and easier. We're getting more and more child-friendly. Microsoft is a leader here. We have this very nice case. If you want to hear more about security problems, I can only discuss all that in detail in the security nightmares talk in two days. A new section that we have is our so-called real politics section. So, if you know these war criminals, I guess if there was an international court that was actually working, they would all be taken into custody. We're talking about war criminals. Here's another one. One special field of this kind of politics is the pipeline politics. Mr. Joschka Fischer, he's been working for an advisor for the Naboku company who is putting pipelines into Russia and in his other consultant he made some statements about the next Cold War and it's supposed to happen with natural gas resources. He predicted that for 2010 but last year Naboku plans failed. So the gas that's coming from Azerbaijan is not going through the Naboku pipelines but they're using a different one that goes through Italy. And one of the areas where Fischer is is always working on, is figuring out how the gas from the Russians is getting to Europe. And there was this project called South Stream where the Russians were supposed to put their gas through the Black Sea and through Bulgaria and this was blocked by the European Union. This pipeline has been declared a failure and then Putin said, okay, then we'll just deliver our gas and our oil to Turkey. So basically he said, dear Europeans, when you don't want to play with us then you have to ask the Turks if they are willing to give you some of the oil and the gas. Fischer, obviously, he had to figure out what to do after the job at Naboku went downhill. So together with the former Minister of the Exterior, Albrecht, he worked as a consultant in nuclear questions for the Siemens Company and another core company of the Green Party is of course Freude Ampharen which is something that the BMW company used as a slogan. So that's why he's also a lobbyist for BMW now. So sometimes the economy and the environmental aspects overlap. We had this problem in Canada where building a pipeline actually threatened a certain type of whales. So what the Canadian government did is they simply reduced the protection level for this kind of whale so they could build their pipelines. And we have the illustration here. This is the Exxon Valdez. Protecting the environment and protecting species is not only a problem in Canada but also in the German state of Thuringia. We have this picture of that. We had this Minister who posted these pictures on Facebook and he was actually in Africa he posted this picture while he was attending a conference against the trade of ivory. But of course you can have fun at work. This is the Japanese and the Chinese Secretary of State and they seem to like each other. And obviously Mrs. Merkel she seems to have fun. Well at least Mr. Putin seems to have fun. Mrs. Merkel, she likes other people better. Business is great. And the sign actually says business is great. And of course you have to deal with unusual requests for example from the Ukraine. Vitaly Klitschko has asked Germany for their expertise on building walls. Because he said you have the experience. You certainly have some old plans lying around that we could use. And I guess he maybe remembers some of these old brochures that the Christian Democrats used a couple of years ago. The Ukraine is a very exciting area this year. So what do we have for example the Minister of the Exterior was talking to Ambassador of the US on the phone and we know that everyone is always spying on everyone so. So that would be great I think to help glue this thing and have the UN help glue it. And you know, fuck the EU. No exactly. And I think we've got to do something to make it stick together. Yeah, what I really like is that he doesn't really miss a beat. He just and the European Union was interested in that. Was hat die da gesagt? The problem was, sie konnten nicht weil ihre Pornofilter zugeschlafen. But they couldn't because actually the porn filter filtered out that particular word. So what do we have in the top left corner there in the upper left corner what do we have there? Did you pay attention to that? Das war doch die Timo Schenklo. Das war Mrs. Timo Schenklo. Und sie hat auch ein Problem mit YouTube dieses Jahr. Sie hat eine Phase zu sein, wo alle Wissen, so gerade in der Türkei alles über alle Leaks und das introduce Turkey, auch die Dialoge von der ehemaligen Minister von der CDU-Minister, mit dem Geheimnischeff und noch so ein Geheimnischeff und der Chief von der Intelligenz-HCC. Sie diskutieren auf dem Phone wie sie können in dem sich heute ein Starke-Wor by sending a ship somewhere simulieren und der Hilfsreiche Geheimnischeff schlägt und der Head of the Intelligenz-Agenzie hat some very nice proposals und all that come to YouTube. And basically the reaction was that YouTube was disabled in Turkey for whatever reasons. In Poland we had something very similar here in der deutschen Außenminister, der die Frau relativ stringent darüber äußerte. He had some very strong words we believe that everything is fantastic only because we just blew the Americans what gave a DJ the American blowjob and that's what we think everything is fantastic. So here is Prime Minister Tusk and he just got some explanations from Putin how he did not like what he heard and he asked the camera and how he had a back with the press and all that and apparently Mr. Cameron told about the Guardian and the thing with the hard press and the result was they reinterpreted their freedom of press loss so what we see here is that policemen are trying to grab the laptop of a member of the press here in Poland and publish that article and the press by the way the freedom of press is basically non-existent and the press also say that basically human rights that's not really something we want to keep up because we have some radical Islamists and they claim that when they get back home they are going to get tortured but we would still like to expel them from our country basically what they said is either we get a right for all the decisions of the european court or we treat them all you have to have some chutzpado or they said we will just leave the european union kind of reminds you of the way the americans treat those international courts there is an american law that that is called the den hach the rights to invade den hach basically means if the international court sentences american citizens the american government is actually obligated to free them using force you can kind of imagine the faces of the dutch government there but while we are talking about the US and how they treat their laws the FBI is usually known as a police agency this is no longer the case it's now an intelligence agency because the main purpose of the FBI is no longer law enforcement but now it is national security normally you would think they have enough intelligence agencies but well come on after the revelations of snow we learned that there is a law that actually enables the NSA to spy everyone and some people were maybe thinking that they wouldn't renew this law but it turns out that this law is renewed every 40 days because the law is only valid for 40 days so they just keep renewing it and by now it's just a normal item in the US we just renew this law but the german intelligence agency they stress that they have a very good relationship to the US agencies their statement that the relationship is still very good there are no problems at all and there is no danger to the german economy coming from the NSA ja der Verfassungsschutz als Geheimnis ist natürlich die richtigen Leute die wissen wie man so was macht of course the intelligence agency they are the right people to rebuild confidence and this is why there are 45 new workplaces being created for cyber security of course we do have to ask who pays them and for the BND it's okay but who pays the NSA of course it is the tax but which one well and it happens even the german one german citizens pay for the NSA so how do you how do you stop it and there was a company called black water and she had they had some people in irak and why are they still there and they even have a murder accusation and there was a committee to inquest and they talked with the people from black water and they said you know what you have to come to irak and if you come to irak well we kill you and well nothing happened so they also try to get their their role models in the media oh animal software let's try again don't push it i'll give you a war you don't believe let's take it start and that was an extract from the first one the first ramble film ja wir kommen zu einem alten Bekannten so let's go back to our friends the Richard Nixon lame excuse award and that was a real big problem because there were so much lame excuses so i tried to work on it so the NSA of course right at the forefront lofu appropriates for intelligence operations aber wir sind natürlich bemüht in so einer Kategorie dann auch Europa zu repräsentieren und da bot sich dieses da österreich an der telekom-expert in austria erklärt warum er jetzt da elektronik schon aus technischen Gründen gar nicht geht jetzt geht nicht i didn't get it net in your chart he just won't work in austria ja dann gab's ja diesen fall if everyone starts to download house cards this kind of leads to normal service being in the traffic okay there is the war in drone wars from rammstein and the the german government says we don't know anything about it and the US government told us nothing is happening so everything is okay i'm staying being in a US airbase in germany so there is this guy who is responsible for bundesanwalt he's state prosecutor okay we're gonna see him a bit more today so he he actually saw that there is nothing to do drones cannot be there is no malice in using drones drones are not banned but instead there is a point of fun from the audience and there is no authorized war list it's an admissible trick of war the state prosecutor he says there is no documents available and to the US authorities will probably not be answered and the german government institutions would respond always that they have all the knowledge from the media and they tried in vain to get documents from Edward Snowden so we wanted to get an impression about this man's qualifications and here he is talking i would like to inform you about the state of affairs in the so called NSA complex das hat leider questions these have not led to any concrete incident evidence that NSA and GCNs HQ systematic monitor i like how he called the NSA first SNA and then NASA he did and that kind of this is his confidence i would like to inform you about the state of affairs in so called SNA complex yes there it was our questions until now have not led to any concrete evidence that the NASA or GCN HQ were systematically eavesdropping on german telephone internet communications so this guy obviously knows what he is talking about and then we had a few other lame excuses this actually wasn't by him but netspolitik.org the german blog asked the ministry in charge and asked what would happen if there would be any classified documents from other countries and the response was that illegal publishing would not remove classification and public servants would only be allowed to read classified materials if they had the clearance classified material from abroad is underlying the same protections as the classified material from the wrongs country so these people were actually not allowed to read any leaked materials so how does that all look like behind the scenes and we had this nice statement in the politics coordinator in the call area in the 80s and he said that well Americans would always respond you can't do that with us, we brought a democracy and if there are serious disagreements then there would be classified material that would be a burden on Germany would see Germany in bad light and that would be used for blackmail so so unser Schutz zu spy on Germany ist zu worsen in Berlin es gab noch ein anderen interesting case von der federal agency in the us die intelligence function national reconnaissance office in the us high security area routine lie detector tests where employers have to confess their sins and one of them spontaneously thought about the fact that he was abusing minors and you would assume that if something like that comes out and authority like that you would go to the police which wasn't done, it did come out later and there was the statement that they were forced to solve themselves, forced to solve themselves so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so auf einiges gefasst machen. In Britain you can expect a lot of things to come, if they start. Userinterfaces in visual basic. It's actually quite in demand these days I've heard. Technology is difficult in Poland, 18 US Helikopters were missing on the way back from Lithuania. So, this can happen of course. We don't have any guiding systems these days do we? They just went of course, they just lost their way. Slight says they'll have to be updated. And the other story was a bit embarrassing because a few days beforehand a few Russian soldiers lost their way in Ukraine. And this wasn't very credible according to German media. Ja, wie ist denn das, wenn man so als Strafverfolgung ist? If you are in a prosecuting authority and read an email that's not in your country but from another country. Of course there are legal aid agreements for that so the police will then go ahead. And the problem is that you actually have to have a paper child to prove that you have a legitimate interest to read this. This is of course demanding, which is what the Justice Department in the US thinks. Legal aid is too complex, we need worldwide purview. Media communication of course is difficult. There was this saying from Paul Schenkel, European President, who talked about an invasion. And that was then corrected and it was said now, did we say invasion? That must have been a mistype, a typo that can happen. So here is a suggestion, I use Google Translate. What I found quite funny was this example, where content was reused, this rocket. This was once landing in Russia, then in Ukraine and then in Israel. Same picture. And that is probably photoshopped as well. Australia of course is always involved as well. The Australian State Prosecutor said, this is not a war, we just have a humanitarian mission here with military elements. And we've illustrated that. A very great example for Nixon, where the excuse was the award of the alternative fees Nobel Prize to Edward Snowden. Der wird seit 18 Jahren am schwedischen Außenministerium. 18 years is awarded by the Swedish exterior ministry. And the minister called off the award when it was known who the winner would be. Because the Swedish exterior ministry is actually more located in the digestive tract of the Americans. Of course there is no link to Edward Snowden for the calling off of the award. It was just new security regulations. And we then looked and there was actually a talk between Carl Bildt, the person on the right with the American State Secretary, who said, well no, you can't do that, can you? So back to the interior, to domestic issues, where the question was, was the military intelligence B&D is spying on us, but of course these data are acquired in space. And no one can have anything against that. It's not under German law. Another nice story from the yes was the police not telling courts that they were using MC catchers. And the great response was well, the maker said, we have to sign this non-disclosure agreement before we use these. Das war ein längerer Storyart, which we'll come back to. Remember the MC catcher. And then there was a note where the statement from the German Security Authorities why they cannot intercept PKK fighters, because they're not as stupid as the Jihadists. The PKK rebels have not yet posted any photos in social media und that's why we have problems to find out whether they go to Syria or not. In California there was a noteworthy moment of honesty when the question was why don't we release more people from the prisons and the response was we need those as slaves, for example fighting forest fires. And there was serious arguments, well global warming might maybe hooks, but we have more and more forest fires, so we need those people. In den USA gab es noch die schöne Frage, warum hat die, kann die NSA eigentlich nicht, why can they not record what they do und belastbarer sagen, dass sie getan hat und just fine, trolley-proofed for what they say and the response was too complex. Great, I'll do this for my next tax return. I'll just say too complex as well. Es gibt auch positive Aspekte zu berichten. Es gibt positive Aspekte zu reporten. Es ist becoming more and more important to state of protection even with the lame excuses. NSA says that Snowden's working papers cannot be published due to privacy reasons and they cannot respond to questions about whether they spy on members of Congress and the German exterior ministry cannot say anything about Snowden's asylum application and there was this nuclear accident and of course it would violate the privacy of the victims if we would say how much radiation was actually, they were exposed to, which gets us to the next, the Anatoly Bogowski Award for Applied Nuclear Security, named after a physicist. He was the only person known to have put his head into particle accelerators ray and survived. And this father was a case that really gave me a lot of joy. What we see here are nuclear waste barrels in this processing plant and isolating plant. This is a military insulation, by the way. They store military nuclear waste and normally this is ... Das ist halt zum ... Das heißt dafür, dass es halt trocken bleibt. Mixed with Kettiliter, Kettiliter and the idea ... Das ist all organisch, biologisch abbaubar, biologisch degradable und das ist nicht, was du willst, ist es? Es hat sich dann biologisch abgebaut. Es war eigentlich degradable, biologisch, und durch die Gegend zu strahlen, dieser Abfall auszusprudeln, weil dieser Katzenstreu halt was so gespähen war, das heißt, wir haben jetzt den ersten Biobachter und wir haben den ersten Biobachter, und wir hatten den ersten Bionuclear-Accident. Ich denke, dass sie das Formulier für den Kettiliter geändert haben. Ich erinnere mich an das, und ich habe es nicht gesagt. Die nächste Folie haben wir erst gedacht. Der nächste Schritt, der wir gedacht haben, ist ein klarer Kassel für den nächsten Formulier, aber, als es auslöscht ... In Kazakhstan ... In Kazakhstan, CSM 137, sie einfach verliebt. Auf der back of a Of anori, so wie wird mal so ein Atom-Kraftwerk wieder los, so wie wir dann dort Es war nur so, dass die Levels in der Basis 164.000 Bkg waren. Sie hatten einen Geiger-Counter und dachten, dass sie einen Bens-Kointer haben. In Briten haben sie die Nuka-Waste in Stellen, in denen man fragt, warum jemand diese Idee haben könnte. Sie wissen, dass die Nuka-Waste steckt, und man kann das auch nach der Zeit calculieren, wenn diese Stimme verursacht wird. Das war wahrscheinlich der Plan. Es war alles verletzt. Das war wahrscheinlich der Plan. In Leipstadt, in der Schweiz, waren Hosen in der Primarkontainment, die im Geschäft für Festdingung feuerloser sind. Und dann haben wir uns gefragt, was das Manual war. Was kann das nicht sein? Und wir haben es dann gefunden. Das ist das Manual. Als wir mal ein bisschen geforscht haben, haben wir uns gefragt, wie lange diese Hosen da sind. Es war nicht mal jedes Jahr stattfindet, sondern nur ein Zehen oder so. Die Hosen waren da für sechs Jahre. Das sieht so eine Inspektion aus. Das sieht so aus, das ist wahrscheinlich was, was sie gefunden haben. Neu in der Show ist der Brezhnev-Award für Transparenz in Politik und Gesellschaft. Wer ein paar Neues noch remembers, wer Brezhnev war, das waren ein paar. Das war eine kurze Folge von lauter Wegstaben. Es gab eine Sequenz von schnellen Dauern. Und dann Gobchow, der Neostalinist, der Herr der Chef war. Der war davor, eine große Paragrad-War. Du rememberst die Geschichte, über die Emsi-Catcher und die Stimmreise. So, jemand fragte für die Files. Und die ACRU fragte für die Files. Und sie sahen, dass die Städte der Frode eine freie Informations-Legislation haben. Und die Polizei sagte, okay, wir müssen das machen. Und ein paar Stunden vorhand der Polizei called the ACRU und gesagt, sorry, you have to call off, because the Marshall Service went along and took all the files out. This is a federal authority, which is actually responsible for transporting business. But quickly they sent a deputy. Well, they went there and said to this one policeman, you are the deputy now. You asked, as you know, you have to go there and put them in our car. There are high standards for US authorities. Next one, the Drug Enforcement Agency, they are so much compliant to the constitution and so anthropomatic that you can't even tell you the name. We have to speed it up a bit. So you have to pay in time. New transparency affected by the NSA. So internet companies can now publish down to the 250 how many NSA they have received. Merkel wanted to see her in an SA file but she wouldn't get it. A US court wanted to see NSA files. No. And then dann hat die EFF rausgefunden, dass die offensichtlich ihre Schredder etwas extensiver benutzt haben. Die Schredder sind etwas mehr residenzlos, weil sie nicht mehr da sind. Was ist so interessant, ist die Schredder von der Thomas Berg-Installation, die wir in Deutschland über die Translation im deutschen U-Mail zu über트를 und dann waren das komplett blank, blackout-pages und das, was noch ist, war ganz klar, dass man so krass das Dim recreational das auch so liefert. Das geht nicht zu normal. Wenn es mit den Schraßen zu Sie wollten wissen, was eigentlich in der Stadt London geht, diese spezielle Entity für die Finanzstelle, welche Files da sind, und die Antwort war, wir brauchen länger als 18 Stunden, um diese Files zu bekommen. Und dann gab es einen Skandal, um die US-Intelligence-Agenz zu kontrollieren, die in den Senate-Computers, die die Entity-Agenz-Agenz-Port war. Das war die Kommission, mit der Übersicht über die Integrations-Agenz und die eigentlichen Files, die sie ermöglicht, um ihre Funktion zu bringen, aber die NSA musste etwas über das tun. Wir haben dann gesehen, wer eigentlich für die Entity-Agenz-Agenz responsibel ist und die Entity-Agenz-Agenz-Port war. Das war für mich ein PLAYING. Es gab ein Publikum, das über die Entity-Agenz-Port war und das war ein You-Police, das für die Entity-Agenz-Port war. Das war für mich ein You-Police, das für die Entity-Agenz-Port war. Das war für mich ein You-Police, Das ist der Fall, dass Herr Obama das Jahrzehnte von der Breschnev-Award ist. Der fähigste Kategorie der Fähigkeit ist, wo die Sensorinnen und Sensorin sind. Wir hatten einen Fall, wo ein US-Member of Congress ein Statement über die Sensorinnen und Sensorinnen der Breschnev-Award war. Wir hatten einen Fall, wo ein US-Member of Congress ein Statement über den Konflikt in der Middle East war. Er hatte einen sehr schönen Metapher. Er hat gesagt, dass das Krieg dort ist, das ist wie mit deinem Launmower. Party ist vorbei. War das ein Launmower-Mann? Ich bin nicht sicher. Ja, auch unser Regierungsmauer wird in einem Sensor aus. Die Bundesregierung sagt da so, es gibt eigentlich keine Eve-Stropping auf der deutschen Regierung. Herr Seiberts-Tress, dass die NSA nur für die Information, die sie will, einfach sagen. In Hongkong hatte sie ein Problem, dass sie nicht für die Arme in die Kräbsmedikamente entwickeln. Er hat gesagt, wenn die alle wählen dürfen, die ganzen Arme, dann sind die Arme eine Stimme. All of the poor ones in Hongkong, if they suddenly have the right to vote, apparently he had a problem with poor people voting. Die Kräbsmedikamente, die wir entwickeln, die sind nicht für die armen Inder, sondern für die poor people. In den US, there was a very remarkable fuckup, where the lame excuses became very apparent. A reporter from NBC queried the US Navy according to the Freedom of Information Act. And instead of sending an answer, they accidentally sent a document outlining how they were trying to weasel out of this request. Also ein ganz großer Kandidat. A big candidate is also Joe Biden, the American Vice President. He said, well, we tried to get the European Union to do something against Putin. We had to bully the European Union a little bit in order to pay for all that. And it looks like the ... Even though we had all the sanctions against Russia, American companies apparently have no problem cooperating with Russian companies and drill for oil. So apparently they are not sensitive to all these embargoes. Genau, der Wiener Akademiker bei ... The academic ball in Vienna. We kind of wonder, what did they do there? This, by the way, is the head of police in Vienna. And he said ... It's basically a good thing that the police had a riot gear and it was necessary to use force and to use weapons. And apparently it turned out that he was a member of a ... Bei der Polizei gibt es häufig Fälle, dass Polizisten angeklagt werden wegen angeblichen ... ... of a fraternity, which started that. So apparently, when you use other Polizisten, as witnesses, they suddenly suffer from memory loss. And there was this case of another policeman. It was about the NSU who did a number of murders over a period of time. And several policemen had already said that they cannot remember anything. And there was one statement that he said that he suddenly decided to remember. At the bottom, it's a spontaneous ... ... Alzheimer-Remission. And apparently sometimes there are also spontaneous outbursts of truth, when they abbreviated the NSU with the letters of the Christian Democrats with the Conservative Party in Germany. But the clear winner of this area is Dick Cheney, who said, well, sure, we tortured. Well, actually he said, this report says that our intelligence agencies kind of went over the top and did that on their own terms. But he said, that's not right. They were always under our control. We knew what they were doing. And he kind of did this in multiple steps. And after that he said, well, obviously, President Bush also okayed all that. So he not only got himself into a lot of trouble, but also his buddies. And very successful this year was all that hard police work. I kind of need that West. I want to have one of these Wests. In the U.S. there are a lot of things. For example, the police asked someone to come out of the vehicle, step out of the vehicle with our hands up. And the car was kind of wedged between these two, this tree and this post there. And that's when they opened fire. In Germany we use about as much ammunition per year as the U.S. police uses in a single incident. But apparently there are new standards for weapons training. And they said basically what the comb is for a barber, that is the weapon for us. And this is how we interpret this. I think it seems from Lucky Luke movie. The Americans are way ahead of us. And they are also very pragmatic. That's what they are known for. There was this one case where the director of the DHS and he forgot his laser pointer. And what he did is he was just using his laser pointer from his gun as a replacement for his normal laser pointer in a high security area where normally carrying a gun is not allowed in front of a delegation of heads of police from other countries, one might add. Man kennt das ja, wie das so aussieht. So ist das so. Unknown safety is a really big thing in the U.S. Austria, they have introduced data retention Wir haben einen Patriotakt, der die Polizei ermöglicht, eine Haus, z.B. ohne einen Korrektor zu suchen. Und sie haben 11.000 Personen per Jahr. Und aus diesen 51 sind sie in any way related to terrorism. Und wir haben auch gesehen, dass die US-Polizisten Militärgier sind. So, diese sind regular Polizisten in den US. Wir waren interessiert, dass die SWAT, das SWAT-Team, so viele Zeit, sie haben eine Reasonsung. Und es klingt, in 7% der Personen, hatten sie eine Reasonsung. Aber wir haben das auch in Berlin und in Bavaria. Wir machen pflichtliche Polizisten, wo sie versuchen, wo sie streichen und wo sie Polizisten senden. Das ist ein super Erfolg. In Bavaria haben sie ein extra 3 Break-ins, die sie solved. Z.B. die Database der Terror-Suspects. Es gibt eineinhalb neue Names in den letzten fünf Jahren. Nach einer sehr spezifischen Check-In, haben die Polizisten immer versucht, eine Pizzeria in Wien, die für Anarchisten verwendet wurde. Das ging mit einer Panzer-Tank. Da waren 1.700 Polizisten zu bekommen. Das ist schon so, wie er stolz. Aber die Polizisten tun auch sehr wichtige Dinge. Die Leute versuchen, auf die Englisch-Channel zu gehen. Es gibt auch die Antifa-Sportgruppe. Es gab Antifaschisten in Dresden. Es gab einen Skandal, bei den Polizisten. Es ist nur eine Sportgruppe. Es gab sie nie. Es gab sich sehr gut. Es gab sehr viele. Es gab viele. Es gab viele. Es gab viele. Es gab viele. in den Investigation of Economic Crimes. In diesem Fall, wo sie ein Koffer mit 230 Gramm Plastik springt. The police forgot 300 Crimes of Plastic Explosive and they found it out somehow, because one passenger from a flight company lost their luggage and the company proposed the luggage with the plastic explosive as a replacement. And we found the photo from the search canine. So there is electronic foot tags now for cellophists. So in the US some police men created a Facebook site to attract a suspect within a drugs investigation. And the girlfriend of this person was arrested, telephone seized and on the telephone there were these half nude pictures and they started a Facebook profile with that to attract the actual suspect. So if you wonder how all these pictures get into the Internet, here you go. Of course there are some people who really have problems with their conscience. There is a state trooper who during a traffic stop asked the person being in control if they accepted Jesus Christ in their heart and if they confessed. And that's what we thought about it, the televangelists. So Sharia Police in the West is what the subtitle says. Oh, there are also quotes, success quotas. And they just went to the train station and just got some drunk cars which were at the train station and well arrested them so they get that quota. So how do you create these quotas? And one could do that with the weights and bigger cases and there would be this one interesting case. This is a figure from German TV program I think and the bread and the traditional category of the balls of steel awards. Last one I think, hard competition here, tough competition. What we liked a lot were the protests in the UK against the porn laws. You may remember porn in the U.S. now can just contain the most meager of vanilla sex and things that actually are satisfying for women in our band. And the protests were fantastic. We could have used 20 more pictures for that but we are a bit close full time. Now fantastic were the protests in Hong Kong. This picture above there is the best, isn't it? This is how apparently supposedly they arrest a ringleader and it looks like Matrix, doesn't it? And also that nice banner there, they can't kill us all. In Hungary the protests were successful which I found very nice. This was about an internet tax that the government wanted to raise or introduce. According to volume this was not that popular with smartphone users as you can see. And the very nice case of civil spiritedness, the NSA the MPAA gave the Citizen 4 movie that we saw an R rating which is poisonous to a movie but some cinemas that we won't cooperate this center said we think this film is appropriate and is central for anyone wanting to vote and that's why we will still screen it. Citizen 4 of course being the movie about Edward Snow and that was screened here last night. Now positive what we found was this guy who actually made his task to keep asking questions in the German government's press conference and ask questions like when would the procedure start against Jenny for his laws and responses would be a stammering from the press people of the government. So ask and don't let go. This is what we like and we explicitly call to other journalists to do the same. This is what's missing. And as a reward if you do a thing like that there is this face of the press spokesperson seeing you the journalist come in this is what he looks like then. And if you don't do something like that as a journalist it might lead to people in the street becoming a bit restless and use traditional methods of protest which led to the demonstration laws in Spain being restricted. And another very nice action was a member of the Ku Klux Klan who had his coming out, celebrated his coming out on Twitter. Well not that voluntarily. So there are alternative explanations. He got into a fight in Ferguson and there were people taking over the next Ku Klux Klan account. So the winner of this year's Balls of Steel Award this is our two German artists that managed to get on the Brooklyn Bridge in the US and put a white flag with stars and stripes on it. We thought well it's not that large of an achievement, is it? But in New York ever since the 11th of September they are in complete terror lockdown and the local press reacted accordingly and said this time it was a flag next time it could be a bomb. This bridge is guarded around the clock by security personnel not just cameras but there are actually people there to guard this bridge so this is not so simple not just to get up there but to actually get onto the bridge as a pedestrian is not that easy so this was quite a thing. And with that we would all like you to wish you a Merry Crisis and a Happy New Year. Yes, and the same from us not the last thing you'll hear of us, translators of course but for tonight this is the end and we hope you've enjoyed our translation of the FNORD News Show we hope we were able to bring you something of the entertainment on stage and translate not just what was said but also some background your translators were Sebastian and Kai but wait a second there is an egg on stage a bomb program here a bomb of a program totally awesome, thank you let's clear this room in an orderly manner and as you do that remember you can give us translators feedback we have a hashtag that we use C3T and there is a Twitter account called C3Translate the egg is empty, it's just FNORD so the longest you let yourself be FNORD the longer he has to stand there the audience isn't quite