 J-E-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with just one of those things. I think the childhood memories are among the most pleasant things in life, and here's somebody who agrees with me. Mrs. Mary Kennedy of Akron, Ohio writes, one of my first memories as a very small girl in the country is my mother making Jell-O and lowering it into the well to set. It was a delightful addition to our hearty country fair and was welcomed to like by youngsters and brawny loggers. The years passed and I became a hostess in my own city home. Everything has changed, but not the quality and value of Jell-O, which is still the same fine treat. To me, nothing else can equal it, a dessert everybody likes. Therefore, I remain a Jell-O fan. Well, that's a grand letter, Mrs. Kennedy, thank you. And ladies and gentlemen, that letter helps to explain why we ask you always to insist on genuine Jell-O when you buy. Well, that name is a trademark. It's the property of general foods and it tells you here's the real thing. Here is America's favorite Jell-Oton dessert, the one and only Jell-O. So look for those big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. One of those things played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you our sun-kissed master of ceremonies who has just returned from a week's vacation in Palm Springs. Yes, sir. Tell them how I look, Don. Ah, he's the picture of hell, folks. Brown is a berry with a magnificent coat of tan. You know, I never fret, though. Here he is, ladies and gentlemen, that perfect specimen that bronze a Donnas, Jack Benny. Thank you, Mr. Jell-O. Jell-O again, there's a Jack Benny coming to you, sunny side up. And you know, Don, that week on the desert did me a world of good. I never felt better in my life. Now, don't you think I look 10 years younger? Well, Jack... Five years? Well, I... Three? Well, to tell you the truth, Jack... All right, Don, let's put it this way. I don't look any older. No, you don't, Jack. Thanks. See, every time I fish for a compliment, I come up with a rubber boot. Now, Don, you know this tan on my face is very becoming. Oh, yes, you have a nice color, Jack, but what are those round white spots just above your eyebrows? Oh, those white spots? Oh, that's Rochester's fault. He's so careless. Why? What happened? Well, you see, I was taking a sun bath and I gave Rochester a half a dollar to go out and buy me a cigar. Yes? And when he came back, I was asleep, so he laid the change on my forehead. That accounts for the polka dots. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Say, where have you been? Oh, I took a little trip. Do you notice anything different? Yeah, you look 10 years younger. You see, Don? The George Arliss. You can kid about it, but I feel swell. Take it from me, Don. For a real healthy vacation, there's nothing like a week in Palm Springs. You're right, Jack. It's simply wonderful. And the hotel's there so swanky. Oh, they're the last word. They certainly are. Which one did you stop at? Well, I didn't exactly stay in a hotel. You see, Don, I wanted to sort of rough it. You know, get close to nature. You know, be right out on the desert. Where'd you live, in a gopher hole? No, I didn't live in a gopher hole. Don't tell me you went to that same dump. You stopped at last time. Dump? Mary, if you can call the Bellevue Auto Court a dump, then I give up. In the first place, they cater to a very exclusive clientele. They don't take in everybody. Not much. They got a bear trap in front of the joint. Don't listen to her, Don. It's really one of the nicest auto camps west of the Mississippi. There's such a quaint charm about it. Oh, it's a lovely spot. And it's right in Palm Springs, huh? Well, it's not right in Palm Springs. Is it, Mary? No, it's closer to Boyle Heights. It is not. Don, you must have passed the Bellevue lots of times. Look, you know how you take Highway 99 and you go through Beaumont and Banning? Yes. Well, when you leave Banning, you turn off on that side road where the barbecue stand is. You know, the one that has that little red-headed cashier. You mean Babette? Yes, yes. She's a, well, anyway, you turn off on that road. And on the left-hand side is the Bellevue Auto Card. Oh, you can't miss it. Oh, I know. It's the place right next to the goat farm. That's it. That's the place. That's it. When there's a West wind, you get a dollar off your rent. I only had one lucky night. And listen, Don, Mary can laugh. But if you're ever out that way and you want to live in a nice, homey atmosphere, you stop at the Bellevue. The beds are marvelous. But Jack, isn't it a little too far from Palm Springs? Well, I know, Don. It's only a 10-minute walk. Go on. It's 15 minutes to the bathroom. Not if you know the shortcut. You stop there, Don. You'll really thank me for it. I'll remember that, Jack. And mention my name. It'll help us both, you know? Oh, and by the way, they have a lunch room there. And here's a little tip for you, Don. If you go in there to eat, don't order the number four breakfast. Why not? Because it's a dime more than the number three. And the only difference is they trim the toast. I found that out the first day. Tell them about the waffles they served, Jack. Oh, well, that's just a novelty. What about the waffles, Mary? They got numbers on them so you can play bingo till your eggs come. Listen, Mary, it's those little touches that make the Bellevue unique among auto courts. It's a swell little place. Go on. You'd never stop there if they didn't have B on the towels. Oh, yeah? Well, if your information's smarty, the towel at the Bellevue was on a roller. So don't make up things. Oh, hello, Kenny. Hi, Jack. Gee, look at you. Where have you been? Oh, I've been out in the desert, Kenny. I got a pretty swell tan, haven't I? Yeah, you look like a healthy prune. A healthy prune? Oh, well, you perhaps meant that for a compliment. Could be. Well, anyway, Kenny, that's what a weekend Palm Springs will do for you. Have you ever been there? Oh, sure. I was there last year with my mother and father. But you know, Jack, I didn't get to see much of Palm Springs. Why not? I bought a cowboy hat that was too big for me. Well, you should have peeked out once in a while. It's a lovely time. Isn't a ginge. Say, Jack, I just have to thank you for something. How could you go to Palm Springs when you and Phil are right in the middle of your new picture? Well, you see, Don, they stopped production on my picture for a week. And Mr. Hornbill, the producer, suggested I go away for a rest. Oh, I see. By the way, how is Phil as an actor? Has he improved any? Don, I don't like to be caddy. But he's got about as much acting ability as an unrehearsed sweepstake winner in a newsreel. And what a ham. Conceited, huh? Conceited. Some silly girl told him he had a profile like a Greek god. And the next day he came to work with an olive branch in his hair. And sandals yet. So kidding. Not only that, he had a pedicure. What a guy. Well, Phil hasn't got much to do with the picture, has he? No, Don. Fortunately, he has a very small role. You see, Dorothy Lamour thinks she's in love with Phil. And Phil thinks so too. So not realizing her dreadful mistake, Dorothy marries Phil. You see? Yes, but where do you come in? Jack's the stork. I am not. I'm Milford, the boy that's always waiting for her. And, Don, I think this picture will really bring out the new Benny. Guys, I hope so. Don't worry it will. Now how about singing, Kenny, while I'm in a romantic mood? OK, Jack. Now, hold it a minute. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes. Do you really think Dorothy Lamour is beautiful? Yes, I do. Why? You ought to see me in a sarong. Goodbye. Well, there's a beachcomber if I ever saw one. Sing. This is paradise just being here with you and breathing the air you know heaven can't wait. This is paradise gazing at all your charms. It's heaven in your arms. Heaven can't wait. Visit from the sky. This is paradise loving the way until I go there with you. Heaven can't wait. An angel for your kisses are divine. This is paradise just being here with loving the way. sung by Kenny Baker, who in my humble opinion is one of our finest young tenors. You know, Kenny, I ought to tell you this, but people all over America are crazy about your voice. They're nuts about it in Brazil, too. Brazil nuts. Oh, boy, that's a lullo. Brazil nuts. Kenny, where did you ever get that awful joke? Phil Harris sold it to me for $10. What? $10 for that gag? I didn't know eggs were so high. Me neither. Of all the nervous, and Kenny, Phil Harris has no business selling you jokes. He knows nothing about comedy. Oh, no. Anybody that can write Pygmalion is good enough for me. Oh, so Phil told you he wrote Pygmalion, eh? Yeah, but he told me to keep it quieter. He punched me in the nose. Well, naturally, he's modest. However, for your information, Kenny, Pygmalion was written by George Bernard Shaw, a very famous Irish playwright. Take it easy, brother. I wasn't born yesterday. I doubt that. Phil Harris, an author. Harris is nothing but a bathed hillbilly. He can't write his own name without tracing it through a stencil. Now, wait a minute, Jack. Phil may be a little crude, but he's got a lot of good ideas. What do you mean, good ideas? Well, for instance, here's a little thing he whipped up for me. Now, listen. Boys and girls, if you're on the loose right now, why don't you swing on down to that neighborhood grosser and get yourself some of that jello? It's right in the groove. That's Phil all right. It comes in six goody flavors and really hits the spot when it's nestled among them sliced skitters. Skitters? What's that? Bananas. Oh, oh. So buy it, palsies, because it's economical appetizing and delish-a-roo. Delish-a-roo. Yeah, man. Delish-a-roo. Mary, did you ever hear anything like that? I thought it was right on the beam. Now, wait a minute. I'm not going to have all of you talking like that illiterate maestro, the Maharaja of corn. I'll take care of him when he gets here. And furthermore, Kenny, don't worry. I'll get that $10 back that you gave to Phil. Well, either way, I'm hooked. Don't be so cynical, Kenneth. And now, folks, if I may be permitted to pick up the loose ends of our program, I would like to announce that for our feature attraction tonight, the Benny Punchy Punchinellos will present their version of the- Hey, Jack, look. Oh, yes, our movie star has arrived. Hello, soaks. I mean, folks, this is smiling Phil Harris, the old lady killer himself. Old lady killer is right. Come here a minute, Phil. I want to talk to you. What's on your mind, my little dictator? Listen, Phil, Kenny Baker just told me that you sold him a joke and charged him $10 for it. Is that right? Sure, but I marked it down from $25. I don't care if it's a fire sale. You're here to lead an orchestra, and there'll be no sidelines on this program. No sidelines, eh? No. You're a fine one to squawk. I've been buying my handkerchiefs from you ever since I came to work here. Well, they were satisfactory, weren't they? Yes. Then shut up. Those handkerchiefs are of the finest quality. I bought one of them, blew a hole right through it. Well, they're not nosies. They're for the pocket. Anyway, I'm only selling them for an ant of mine who weaves. Your uncle weaves, too. That's different. And now, folks, getting back to our play. Hey, Jack, if you'll stop being mad at me for a second, I'd like to tell you that you're looking swell. That's a marvelous coat of tan you've got. Well, thanks. I got it in Palm Springs last week. By the way, where did you go? Where did I go? I've been working like a dog. Where? At Paramount on our picture. What? You've been working on the picture. There goes your tan, Jack. Why, Mr. Hornblow told me to go away for a rest. He said they were holding up production. Holding up nothing. This week, they shot all my important love scenes. Oh-ho. Oh-ho. So do I. Keep still. Mary, get me Paramount on the phone. I want to speak to Mr. Hornblow. OK. Listen, Phillip, you think you're going to hog this picture. You have another thing coming. Well, don't blame me. It's not my fault. Not much. The way you're always trying to build up your part. What are you talking about? Hello, Paramount? Mr. Hornblow, please. You know what I'm talking about. You take that scene in the drawing room that you did with Benny Barnes. All you were supposed to say was no. Just one word, no. And instead of that, you said no, no. No, I tell you, 1,000 times no. Well, what's wrong with that? What's wrong? You were only turning down a cup of tea. Lucky, she didn't offer you a piece of pie. You'd have killed yourself. Some actor. Hello, Mr. Hornblow. Gee, you're going to get it. Mary, give me that phone. Hello, Mr. Hornblow. This is Jack Benny. Yes, yes, I got back today. I had a lovely time. Yes, I got tanned like anything. Now, look, Mr. Hornblow, there's just one thing I want to know. What's the big idea of shooting my picture behind my back? I know, but listen, Mr. Hornblow. Make it easy, Jack. You worked at every other studio. I have not. Republic is a very good place to be. I have not. Republic is virgin territory. Now, look, Mr. Hornblow, look, I'm the, I, I know. I know it's going to be a good picture. That's why I want to be in it. Yes, yes, but if, but if, but if, but if, I know, but, but, but, but, but, try it again. Why? Mr. Hornblow, are you going to be in your office for a while? Good, I'll be right over. Goodbye. Listen, fellas, you'll have to do our play without me. I got to rush right over to Paramount Studio. Can I go with you? Yes, come on. Rochester's got the car downstairs. Boy, Jack certainly burned up, isn't he? Yeah, but Mr. Hornblow will cool him off. Hey, Phil, you got any more of those jokes you want to sell me? Sure, come here, kid. Here's a honey. Now, the next time Jack asks you what you're going to sing, you say you're going to sing a little diddy entitled, I call my dog, Ginger, because he always snaps at me. Ginger snaps, that's a good one. That'll be $2, Kenny. Here you are. Thanks. Play, boys. I'll never get there at the rate we're going. Will you please step on the gas? We're barely crawling. Can't help it, boys. You either got to get a new car hoist to sell. I won't be necessary. I'm going to have the motor overhauled. That ain't going to help any of what this car needs is glam. Well, if you took care of it like you should, everything would be all right. Oh, Jack, stop thinking on Rochester. He's doing the best he can with this jalopy. Mary, if you call this car a jalopy once more, you can get right out and walk. All right, unstrap me. Just stay where you are and don't be so fresh. What's the matter, Rochester? The red lights against us. Well, you don't have to shut off the engine to stop. I do until you get breaks. Well, it's green. I'll get going. OK, boss. Hurry up, Rochester. Hurry up, Rochester. I'm trying, boss. She's embarrassing. Gee whiz, Jack, why don't you trade this car in? Why should I? This car is all right. Besides, it's so easy on the gas. Gee, I get 27 miles to the gallon. 27 miles? With a little water, 32. Now, Rochester, don't exaggerate. And watch where you're going. I want to get to Paramount before Mr. Hornblow leaves his office. What's the matter, boss? Are you in the doghouse again? I hardly think that's any of your business, Rochester. Say, Mary, look at that sign. Joe Lewis and Jack Roper, Wrigley Field. Boy, that's going to be some fight tomorrow night. Are you going, Jack? I certainly am. Say, boss, who do you think is going to win that fight? Well, personally, I'd like to put a little bet on Roper. Mm. Penis from Heavens. I can appreciate your loyalty, Rochester, but Jack Roper is a pretty tough guy. He's got a vicious right and a terrific left. What a pair of arms. Well, Lewis ain't exactly a Venus de Milo. Oh, so you're pretty positive he'll win, eh? Well, how long do you think the fight will last? Well, boss, the main event goes on at 10 o'clock sharp, don't it? That's right. Well, at 10.15, Brother Lewis is scheduled to make a speech at our social club. Oh, he is. And in full dress. Now, don't get too enthusiastic, Rochester. Nobody is going to knock out Roper that fast. Man, you know what's going to happen tomorrow night? What? When the bell rings for the first round, Lewis and Roper are going to meet in the center of the ring. Yes. Then Roper's going to swing. Mm-hmm. Then Lewis is going to swing. Mm-hmm. That's all. Party's over. Well, let me tell you something, Rochester. If you're so sure that Lewis is going to win, I'd just like to bet you $10 that you're wrong. Nothing doing, boss. You still owe me five from the Dempsey Furpo fight. Oh, so you're trying to back out, eh? You know, darn well Roper's going to win that fight, and you're afraid to bet. What are you talking about, boss? I'm talking about Roper winning that fight tomorrow night. Why, man, I told you what's going to happen. Lewis is going to take his right hand like this. He's going to swing it right from the ground. Solid. Now, look what you did. You broke the windshield. I'm sorry, boss. I got excited. Excited. Well, it's your own fault, Jack. You shouldn't argue with him when he's driving the car. I wasn't arguing with him. You were too. You told him Roper was sure to win. Well, he is. I don't think Lewis has got a chance against him. Why, boss, Joe Lewis is going to give that Roper a right and a left, a right and a left. Rochester, keep your hands on the wheel. A right and a left and a left. Rochester. Look out. We're going to hit this drive instead. Isn't this awful? Good evening, folks. What do you have? We don't want anything, miss. Are you all right, Mary? Mary, where are you? Gee, look at this car. My, my, what a mess. Well, you're responsible for the whole thing. Look, the front fenders are knocked off, the headlights are slashed, and we got three flat tires. It's unanimous now. Well, get to work and fix it. I'm going to walk over to Paramount. It's only two blocks from here. OK, boss, so long. So long. Come on with me, Mary. You can eat later. I'm coming. Man, this car sure is a wreck. Well, if I've got to fix it, I've got it. I haste to see that evening sun go down, just that juicy heat. I haste to see that evening sun go down. Oh, lady, lady. What do you want? Would you mind bringing me a couple of pork chops to break the monotony? And don't forget the gravy with mashed potatoes all. Friend of mine paid me a real compliment the other day. She said, you know, Don, when you describe those jello desserts over the radio, you just make me hungry for them. Well, naturally, I was pleased. And tonight, I have another new jello dessert I know will make a hit with everybody, a combination of raspberry jello and cottage cheese. And I'm telling you, it's swell and easy to make, too. Dissolve one package of raspberry jello in one pint of hot water and turn into a ring mold and chill until firm. Then unmold it and fill the center with cottage cheese. Serve it with toasted crackers. And there is a triumph in desserts. Clear, shimmering raspberry jello with its extra rich flavor and creamy cottage cheese, smooth and tempting. So try it. Ask your grocer tomorrow for raspberry jello. Number of the 29th program, we're with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Come on, Mary, walk a little faster. I don't want to keep Mr. Hornblow waiting. Well, how do you know he's going to be there? He'll be there all right. You know, I'm no small fry at Paramount. I have an appointment with him and he'll keep it. Now, hurry up. OK. Say, Jack, who's that fellow in that big car that just passed? Where? Right there. Oh. Hey, Mr. Hornblow. Mr. Hornblow, wait a minute. We have an appointment. Hey, Mr. Hornblow. Good night, folks. Mr. Hornblow. Anybody who appears on the jello program to courtesy of Marvel and the Rye Productions, this is the National Broadcasting Company.